Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

We still have time to mess this up!

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

Come on, man.

When I was faster i was always behind.

No Kings: Americans standing in the way of bad history saying “Oh, Fuck No!”

The words do not have to be perfect.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

This chaos was totally avoidable.

The arc of the moral universe does not bend itself. it is up to us to bend it.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

We will not go back.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

I swear, each month of 2025 will have its own history degree.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / First Halloween at the New House

First Halloween at the New House

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Nothing but old people like me sitting on the porch waiting for the young punks to come around:

The annual parade and costume judging contest went off without a hitch, and now for the candy. Good number of kids, but I figgered it best not to take pictures of them and post them online, so all you get is the porch.

They come in swarms like locusts. Not as many teens this year, which is a shame. They should trick or treat, too! Not much else to do around here.

This is still the best costume I have seen this year:

What are you all up to? Shame about NYC.

Reader Interactions

66Comments

  1. 1.

    Major Major Major Major

    In a downstairs thread I mentioned I was debating between building a search engine for my writing site and working on my comic, but it turns out I can implement a search engine in like ten lines because I picked the right database. So I guess it’s comic time.

    For the evening, seeing my shrink and then probably a trip to the zen center. Then I’ll have to see where my mind takes me; itching to finish the final chapters of my novel, though.

    Not big on Halloween.

  2. 2.

    germy

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/nprs-top-editor-accused-of-sexual-harassment-by-two-women/2017/10/31/a2078bea-bdf7-11e7-959c-fe2b598d8c00_story.html?utm_term=.462949fb0661

    “The worst part of my whole encounter with Oreskes [was] the fact that he utterly destroyed my ambition,” says one victim.

    Michael Oreskes is now NPR’s Senior Vice President of news. He is accused by two women of sexual harassment dating back a number of years, including “unwanted physical contact with them” while he was employed by another news organization “nearly two decades ago.”

    The alleged assaults happened in the late 1990s, the women said. Oreskes moved to NPR in March 2015, after working at NYT and AP.

    How long has NPR management known? And what will Oreskes’ role at the news organization be while a reported investigation within NPR unfolds?

    From the Washington Post:

    The women, both journalists at the time of the alleged incidents, made the accusations in recent weeks against Michael Oreskes, senior vice president of news and editorial director at the Washington-based public broadcasting organization.

    In separate complaints, the women said Oreskes — at the time, the Washington bureau chief of the New York Times — abruptly kissed them while they were speaking with him about working at the newspaper. Both of them told similar stories: After meeting Oreskes and discussing their job prospects, they said he unexpectedly kissed them on the lips and stuck his tongue in their mouths.

    Both of the women spoke to The Washington Post on the condition of anonymity so as not to damage their employment prospects.

  3. 3.

    eclare

    Just gave my dog a pill to combat anxiety, not a fan of Halloween, but your porch looks lovely.

  11. 11.

    Mary G

    Getting ready to turn out the lights and hide in my room. Too many people in my neighborhood due to insane people on the next block up who attract trick or treaters from 30 miles away and the cops come to direct traffic. Bah humbug.

  13. 13.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Years ago, I bought and gave my cousin a broom – a battery-operated broom that sweeps and moves by itself and laughs and screeches like a banshee witch. You need one, John. I bought it at Cracker Barrel, no idea whether they still sell them but if they do you should get one!

  16. 16.

    Cacti

    Here’s a question for general consumption:

    At what age did you stop trick or treating?

    For me it was 13.

  17. 17.

    RSR

    Enjoy! Our 15 year old decided not to go out trick-or-treating, so he’s giving out the candy for the first time. Mom and the 13 year old are out with some neighbors.

  18. 18.

    trollhattan

    @lamh36:
    Awww, makes me miss my little serial princess who, to her credit still managed to hustle off to high school today clad in fuzzy leopard-print jumpsuit jammies.

  19. 19.

    Yarrow

    @debbie: The teenagers in my area go around in large-ish groups, often ring the doorbell after 9:00 pm., aren’t wearing costumes. They just sullenly hold out plastic grocery bags and don’t even bother saying trick-or-treat. Sorry, no. I love the little kids all excited about their costumes and getting candy, but the teenagers just seem like entitled jerks. If you can’t even bother to put on a costume, that’s not really Halloween trick-or-treating.

  20. 20.

    Shana

    @lamh36: How lovely!

    I hope we get some kids this year, we had none last year. The neighborhood’s turning over and I’m not sure how many of the new families have kids big enough for trick or treating. Our lots are also pretty big so the little ones usually come in wagons or strollers so they don’t get too tired. We’ve been giving out full size candy bars the last few years to encourage kids to come.

    The leftovers come with me on Election Day on Tuesday. The Monday and Tuesday of Election week are always holidays for the schools here since so many polling places are in schools. Many parents therefore have to bring their kids with when they vote so it’s a good way to get the candy the hell out of my house.

  21. 21.

    Ian G.

    I can see the Empire State Building morphing colors for Halloween from my LIRR train.

    That’s the one thing I really miss about my old Brooklyn apartment: the view of that icon of NYC, especially after they installed the new LED lights that could do genuine light shows.

    Otherwise, I’m happy owning a Long Island home.

  23. 23.

    Ruckus

    I live in a security building, so no kids, no candy. Which is good for me because I don’t have to worry about eating the excess. Or opening the bag long before anyone shows up. And eating it all before they arrive.

  24. 24.

    Aleta

    Other years the little ones start coming after 5, but so far no one’s come at all. No lights in the streets, no power in most of town (no heat inside–fuck.) Also it’s still windy cold out and so the pumpkin candle is iffy.

    We’ve had Halloween happen in a couple of snowstorms, sometimes rain, once a hailstorm, but I don’t know if it’s going to this time. Trees are still down across roads so maybe parents are corralling the kids closer to home. Our block has changed too, almost no kids left. Some of the family homes have been bought by investors and turned to apts. In exchange, we have more revelers drinking in the moonlight on warm spring nights … but they don’t wear costumes they invented by themselves, like the memorable “scary electric bill,” or the “pig in a blanket” or last year’s barbershop quartet of Hamiltons.

  28. 28.

    Radiumgirl

    I have had a few kids from down the street. All impossibly cute in little witch outfits, superheros, pirates — but no mob yet. Lights out at eight o’clock because I’m that kind of a bore.

  30. 30.

    JPL

    @lamh36: She’s so big, and so cute.

    @Shana: The first year I moved I had two. The next none, and now the neighborhood is starting to change. I could have as many as twelve! wahoo. Two little ones just arrived.

  31. 31.

    Bishop Bag

    Off topic, but a question for folks who live back East. When I went on my kids Washington DC 8th Grade field trips several years back it always amazed me that the yards of houses in Baltimore and Philadelphia did not have fences around them. Back yards just merged into neighbors backyard. Here in California, whether a big city(Long Beach, Oakland, wherever) or smaller towns (Chico, Bishop) the back yards are always fenced. Are every bodies dogs so well trained in West Virginia and Pennsylvania that fences are not necessary to keep pets from running off and biting and attacking every kid who rides by on a bike? Just curious…

  33. 33.

    JMG

    All set for Halloween here. Have the jack o’ lantern out to show we’re at home. Have the candy, mini Hershey bars, which parents like, too. Alice is making our traditional meal, meat loaf and mashed potatoes, which she used to feed our children pre-trick or treating in the hope they’d be too full up to candy binge before bed. It kind of worked.

  35. 35.

    Shell

    My last year trick-or-treating was 15. My best friend from middle school came over for a sleep-over and decided this would be our Halloween last-hurrah. I was the Headless Horseman.

  39. 39.

    Silent no more

    We weren’t allowed to trick or treat after middle school, so we started going out to ask for UNICEF donations instead. College town, so it was highly educational: I remember being invited into several interesting parties, having a guy answer the door buck nekkid, and being offered a joint because they didn’t have candy. We never mentioned any of this to our parents, of course. It was a very long time ago.

  40. 40.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Shell:

    Same age. I was dressed as a ballerina. I remember one girl in our group, a year or two older, who told me I “walked like a dancer”. I was flattered beyond belief until she clarified and said that most dancers waddled, flat-footedly, like ducks. Color me crushed.

  43. 43.

    donnah

    Cutest beggar at our house this evening was “El” (or Jane) from Stranger Things. She was about ten years old, just perfect in a pink smocked dress, wig, and a wee dribble of blood from her left nostril. I gave her an extra Reese’s cup.

  44. 44.

    Aleta

    @Bishop Bag: This isn’t B’more or Philly, but here, small town, a couple of places have those buried electric fences, a couple of places have pens away from the street that you can’t actually see, and some of us work close to home so we keep the dogs in and can walk them a few times day. Like you said, our yards do run into each other w/o fences. I guess we just internalize the boundaries and don’t think about it. It’s interesting to think about that now that you mention it.

  45. 45.

    evap

    One of my favorite pictures of all time is my youngest, who was around 8 years old at the time, sound asleep on the floor of her room in the middle of her candy, still wearing her witch costume. She was sorting/organizing her candy and just fell over asleep, she was so tired from trick-or-treating.

  46. 46.

    Aleta

    Damn, first year ever that no one came. Feeling bleak to begin with today. Halloween of the future, snap chat yourself around in a costume and collect redeemable points in an account from the people you visit?

  47. 47.

    opiejeanne

    @Major Major Major Major: You’re writing again??? Yay!

    Gekaring up now for NaNoWriMo which starts tomorrow. Mnemosyne spoke highly of it so I thought I’d use it to work on my book some more. Right now I’m procrastinating on getting organized.

  48. 48.

    HRA

    I was just going to say that no one came when they began coming to the house. Mr. A is giving the candy and I am in my woman room with the yappy dog.

    The last time I went out for Halloween I was 12 and got talked into going by my friends. We were in home made costumes. I was a gypsy.

  49. 49.

    JMG

    Because I do not like sweets, my peers insisted I go out with them so they could divvy up my candy,

  50. 50.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @John Cole:

    Nothing but old people like me sitting on the porch [. . .].

    LOL, because that’s exactly what I was doing. I came over to sighthound Hall to avoid the few trick-or-treaters that show up at my apartment, and I got dragooned into minding the candy on the porch while Bro’ Man nipped down the street to check in at a neighborhood party.

  51. 51.

    Shana

    @Bishop Bag: Well, in Fairfax County we don’t have a lot of fences. What we do have are laws that your dog can’t run free. We have an Invisible Fence from when our dear departed Lightning was alive so we could let him out and not have to walk him, which we still did from time to time.

  52. 52.

    J R in WV

    @Bishop Bag:

    Are every bodies dogs so well trained in West Virginia

    Yes. SATSQ! People around here are live and let live with the dogs. When I was a little kid and rode a bike everywhere, there were dogs everywhere, and I was never chased and bitten, ever. Some of them would run with me for a little while, and bark, but it was that “having great fun” bark, not that “I’m about to bite you” bark.

    My father-in-law had a fence put around his suburban yard once after a neighborhood dog dug up his vegetable garden – he was really pissed, and had a new fence in like 2 days!!! But normally, no, fences would make it harder for the kids to play.

  54. 54.

    MomSense

    I’ve been delivering hot food, tea and coffee to some neighbors today who still don’t have power. Found out one friend won’t have power for two weeks because there are so many big trees down on her road. I couldn’t even get to her to bring food. Ugh. Feeling bad for my neighbors and soooooo upset for what the people in Puerto Rico are enduring.

    Another day without school tomorrow and Halloween has been postponed to Friday.

  57. 57.

    Matt McIrvin

    Well, apparently my daughter gets to triple-dip this year: she did trick-or-treat here on Saturday during our town’s official time, and she was torn between going in Billerica with a friend or in Hampstead, NH with family on Halloween proper… but Billerica postponed until Friday because their power is still out, which resolved that issue.

    We were absolutely mobbed on Saturday because the weather was so nice. Must have close to a hundred kids.

  59. 59.

    satby

    Second Halloween at my house here in S. Bend, but I have no idea how it went at home. I was working, and since the doc’s office is in a mall we got to watch the parade of costumed revelers go store to store. Some incredibly creative ones, lots of Batmans and princesses.
    I think today’s parents are so brainwashed into thinking they have to have their kids in their sight always that neighborhood trick or treat is fading in favor of contained spaces like malls. But that wasn’t trick or treat, it was a parade with participation candy. Shame, really.

  60. 60.

    Origuy

    I think it’s been years since I’ve gotten any trick-or-treaters, i live in a townhouse complex in an area that’s mostly Asian and Latino. The kids that do go out mostly go to houses they know. Even the kids in the complex don’t stop here, so I end up eating the candy or taking it to work. This year I just got a bunch of quarters and told my housemates that any kids that show up get two quarters each.

  61. 61.

    workworkwork

    My wife and I are not Halloween people, so we’re sitting this one out. If we had kids, it would be a very different story.
    The kitties are also not into it.

    Not looking forward to shopping for my health insurance tomorrow….

  62. 62.

    Garbo

    I’m a “hide and peek” type, bah humbug, in a good year. But this year some asshole decided it was hi-larious to blast Christmas carols all evening. Fuck. That. Noise.

  63. 63.

    Ruckus

    @Bishop Bag:
    Being from CA it amazed me when I went house hunting in OH. The house I purchased had no fence, I’d say about 90% of the houses in the neighborhood didn’t. My girlfriends house had a fence maybe 3 ft high, to keep the dogs in the yard.

  66. 66.

    libarbarian

    @germy:

    I’m kind of waiting for someone to spin this as a interview technique designed to test how an applicant responds to an unexpected & stressful situation.

Comments are closed.