Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

T R E 4 5 O N

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

‘Museums aren’t America’s attic for its racist shit.’

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Fuck that bum, let’s go Joe!

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

The problem people have with Biden’s age is the color of the VPs skin.

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

Today’s gop: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Beer Blogging / A New Year’s Tale (Open Thread)

A New Year’s Tale (Open Thread)

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NOTE: This is a re-run of an old post, but I figured some folks might not have seen it, and we could use a new open thread. Cheers!

This really happened. One year, right after Christmas, my mom decided to drive herself, my little sister and me up to North Carolina to see snow. As native Floridians, my sister and I had never seen snow before. We complained bitterly about this fact, especially during the holidays when all the TV specials featured snowmen, sleigh rides, etc.

This was a very long time ago, back when people drove ugly green station wagons with fake wood paneling. Anyhoo, we had a little dog—a poodle mix of some sort. He was a kind of goldish color, so we named him Butterscotch. But we all called him Scotch.

We couldn’t take Scotch with us since we were staying with dog-phobic relatives in North Carolina. So my mom asked her younger sister to housesit and watch after Scotch. Auntie agreed to do this for us and promised to take good care of our beloved pet:

frame1

Poor Auntie had to spend New Year’s Eve all by herself. However, my mom had generously given Auntie permission to raid the liquor cabinet. She polished off a few cocktails and then rang in the New Year watching Dick Clark on TV as she lounged in our recliner and finished an entire bottle of champagne:

frame2

As the next morning dawned, Auntie blearily awoke and immediately noticed something was missing:

frame3

She looked all over the house, but she couldn’t find him. Then she remembered that we had a doggie door in the back of the house. She thought maybe Scotch had let himself out. She looked out the window into the empty back yard. Then she noticed the hole in the fence:

frame4

Now Auntie was in a full-fledged panic. She knew how much we loved our little dog. Horrifying scenes played through her mind—finding Scotch run over in the street and having to break the news to us. She ran out into the front yard and called Scotch repeatedly at the top of her voice:

frame5

But he didn’t come. She ran into the house and grabbed his doggie dish, thinking maybe if he saw it, he would come to her. She walked up and down the streets in our neighborhood, holding out a silver dish and screaming SCOTCH!!! The neighbors were not impressed:

frame6

After an hour or so of this, with cranky, hung-over neighbors jeering at her from every window, Auntie walked back home, dejected. She wondered how on earth she was going to tell her beloved little nieces that she’d become intoxicated and misplaced their pet.

But when she got to our yard, Scotch was waiting:

frame7

THE END

Reader Interactions

94Comments

  2. 2.

    The Ancient Randonneur

    A Shaggy Dog Story that actually had a shaggy dog in it. Love it! A much needed respite from the daily machinations of the Ocher Skidmark.

  7. 7.

    dmsilev

    @MattF: It’s not quite that cold in Boston this morning, though I’m pretty sure I saw a couple of people riding Tauntauns when my mom and I took the dog out for his morning walk.

  8. 8.

    WaterGirl

    @schrodingers_cat: I don’t know about that, I was kind of hoping for the one where Betty’ and her sister are sent off by their mom for the evening, and I recall something about a $20 bill and the expectation that young ladies could expect their drinks to be bought for them. But this one was great, especially with the awesome illustrations.

  13. 13.

    Yarrow

    @dmsilev: Are they likely to show that on TV?

    I have no idea what the temperature is but it looks so warm at the Rose Parade in comparison to where I am. Jealous!

    Edit: @?BillinGlendaleCA: Thanks! I’ll look for that.

  14. 14.

    SiubhanDuinne

    That is a sweet story, but didn’t have the twist I was anticipating. In my version, you and your mom and sister call home to wish Auntie a happy New Year.

    You: How did it go last night, Auntie? Did you have a good time?

    Auntie (surveying the empty whisky bottles on the floor): Scatchagornnnn….

    You: What? Speak clearly, Auntie. You’re slurring your words.

    Auntie (enunciating each word with precision): Scotch. Is. Gone.

    You (sobbing, screaming): Noo!! Oh Scotch! Mom, we have to go home NOW!!!

    Mom (breaks all speed limits on return trip): Stop that incessant crying, girls, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

    Scotch (leaping and barking and wagging tail): Wood woof yap yap bark bark!!

    You: Oh Scotch, dear Scotch, you came home!

    Auntie (puzzled): Why did you cut your vacation short? Anyone want some iced tea?

    [Curtain]

  17. 17.

    gene108

    Happy New Year!!!!!!

    I had a plan to get up early* exercise for a half hour and start my day. I got up early, and went back to sleep.

    New Year’s resolution fail on day one.

    * When I was younger, from teens to my 20’s, I used to be a morning person. Getting up and exercising was routine for me. I want to get back to doing that.

  25. 25.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    @Yarrow: I’m not sure what they showed, but they’re on the overpass just east of the reviewing area and where the TV folk are, the parade moves west to east down Colorado. Raven said they’re on the north side of the overpass and the eastern side of the bleachers.

  26. 26.

    Feebog

    It’s 59 right now in the North Valley, so pretty nice at the parade. Some pretty cool floats this year. Happy New Year jackels.

  28. 28.

    Schlemazel

    @Yarrow:
    From the photo he posted I believe he is low near the end right by the corner where they make the right-hand turn

  30. 30.

    Yarrow

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: It was an overhead shot. They were showing the whole parade route so they kind of followed it along. A band was crossing the overpass and in the view they showed the band was coming toward the camera moving away.

  32. 32.

    Schlemazel

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    Oh, thanks, that was not what I got out of his photo.

    You have been there a few times, right? Do you have recommendations? I really want to go some year soon.

  33. 33.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    @Schlemazel: I’ve only been to the parade once, when I was in college. We slept* on the street near Lake and Colorado.

    *Not a whole lot of sleep happened, but copious consumption of crappy champagne.

    ETA: If you look at Google Maps, he’s near the corner of Colorado and Pasadena.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Thank you!

    This was, and remains, my favourite bit:

    it wouldn’t be logical for a roach to be taller than a rat, not even in Florida.

    LOL! “Not even in Florida.”

  41. 41.

    Magda in Black

    Good morning and Happy New Year!
    I’ve been moved to come out of the shadows to say a few. I’ve been lurking and reading you all for several years, and finally decided to thank you for getting me thru this last year of insanity.
    Adam and Cheryl I bless your reasoned explanations, they settle my brain some. Betty and Cole: you are speaking the rants that pinballing around in my head….all of the rest of you for words of wisdom and words to laugh with.
    And most recently Dorothy A. Winsor: for her coming move to Barrington, IL: just up the road from me.: I am delighted to add a like minded human this sea of red….altho Lake and Dupage Counties (Illinois) went blue, it was only by a margin.
    Those McMansions of the NW Chicago suburbs are full to the brim with well-off, quietly racist Trump voters. I work in a small local office of a national corporation, shoulder to shoulder with “typical Trump voters, and daily I find myself stunned by the willful ignorance. I really can save the NYT the trouble of finding out how or what they think : they don’t. I find that when I scratch the surface of any statement or opinion, theres nothing under it. These folks are merely record/playback devices, and its a bit terrifying what little they actually do know. I literally ache for intelligent conversation!
    Thats where you all fit in.
    Love,
    Magda

  42. 42.

    cgordon

    My neighbors have a dog named Poopsie. You also don’t want to be running down the street yelling “Poopsie!”

  43. 43.

    Yarrow

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: I wondered. They showed a long shot that looked a bit hazier, but in most of the close ups the sky looks very blue.

    Do you get local coverage of the parade or just the ABC national coverage?

  45. 45.

    Schlemazel

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    BULLSHIT! It is -12 here this AM. That is cold AF. I am guessing it was 50-60 degrees warmer there that night.

    BTW, I have marched in the St. Paul Winter Carnival parade when it was well below zero so cold parades are not unfamiliar. The torchlight parade takes place after dark so those are usually even colder. Half the job is trying to keep your horn from freezing up

  47. 47.

    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho

    Wonderful illustrations to the terrific story, Betty. Please add my vote to a reprise of both the rat/roach float and the outing with $ from mom stories.

    Happy New Year from all of us Chez Q. Harry, in spite of his mountain dog lineage, thinks it’s too fcking cold to go outside. And Mr. Q believes harry would be embarrassed by a coat. If I could find Layla’s baker blanket he’d be wearing it on trips outside. Imma look again.

    May all the Balloon Juice pets and their people have good health in 2018.

  53. 53.

    trollhattan

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    I’ve also been once. Sort of. Stayed at my college buddy’s folks’ place in Pasadena a couple blocks from Colorado. We wandered/partied half the night away on the parade route, then eventually dragged our carcasses out of bed and watched it on teevee while hearing it going on–a little disconcerting since of course the teevee and real sound were completely out of synch.

    Took his motorcycle to the Rose Bowl, bought tickets from a negative scalper (less than the printed price) then watched the Huskies upset Michigan. Gotta love a numbskull plan that actually works.

  54. 54.

    Schlemazel

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    yes and we like it that way. Worst thing that ever happened was when wimps started moving here from Ohio and Illinois. They jut don’t understand how to enjoy the experience.

  56. 56.

    Marcia

    @SiubhanDuinne: But it’s a story many of us can identify with. Late one night several years ago, I was in full panic mode because Buckwheat, our Shih Tzu mix, was missing. Searched every single room from the basement to the upstairs storage room; stood out the back yard yelling, even called the Silent Unity prayer service. I was getting dressed to cruise around on the surrounding (rural) roads looking for her (hopefully alive), and went upstairs to get a pair of socks —

    Only to find that Buckwheat had fallen asleep under a side overhang of our bed’s frame. I suspect the hour or so before that had aged me about 10 years.

  58. 58.

    PST

    @Magda in Black:

    Those McMansions of the NW Chicago suburbs are full to the brim with well-off, quietly racist Trump voters.

    I don’t like them. I don’t respect them. But the cap on the SALT deduction should hit lots of them hard in your neck of the woods. If that peels off some of the Trump voters and helps elect democrats next year, I’ll learn to like their votes.

  59. 59.

    Magda in Black

    @ trollhatten
    Thankyou…rules make me itch
    @PST
    Last week had an accountant (customer) tell me the very same thing. I’ll take those votes

  61. 61.

    Josie

    @Magda in Black:

    well-off, quietly racist Trump voters.

    This is a wonderful way of describing a certain segment of the voting populace. I have found to my dismay that a number of long time friends fit into this category. I may never feel the same way about them again. Welcome to a place of sanity.

  65. 65.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Magda in Black: Well, you can’t say casino, or penis, or poker, or pussy, or….unless you know this one secret trick. WordPress works in mysterious and annoying ways.

  66. 66.

    Ohio Mom

    @Magda in Black: I’d say you must work in the same place my husband does but of course you don’t. I consider him heroic for spending most of his waking hours most of the days of the week with loud-mouthed Trump fans and not going on a murderous rampage — you must be of a similarly sturdy psyche.

    But here you are among the sane. Welcome!

  67. 67.

    Ohio Mom

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: I’d say, where have you been but my visits here to these threads are very irregular. For all I know, you have been on every thread I haven’t, or the threads I never finished. Anyway, I have been thinking of you. If/when it thaws out around here, I think we need another meet-up.

  69. 69.

    NotMax

    Taking a cue from Betty and repeating because it fits.

    Back in the early 70s, a group of us living at the end of a dirt road in very, very rural northeastern PA, surrounded by forest, inherited a puppy (intention was for us to find him a permanent home) who was christened Bummer by someone. Could not find him at all one day, so naturally figured he had bolted when a door was open and was out somewhere among the miles of woods. Bundled up and off we went a-searching.

    Wonder to this day what the people living in the few other houses surrounding the small lake we fronted might have been thinking about a throng of DFHs tramping through the woods at dusk, waving flashlights while vigorously shouting “Bummer! Bummer!”

    Upshot was the dog was there when we returned empty handed. In the kitchen (a large commercial facility) atop one of the cold flat top griddles, gleefully licking at the sheen of grease in the runoff troughs.

  70. 70.

    Mnemosyne

    @Magda in Black:

    Welcome! I’m originally from Lake County, but I hauled ass for California when I couldn’t stand winter anymore. Now my blood is so thin that I’ve been banned from visiting in winter since I’m too miserable and it makes everyone else miserable. ?

  71. 71.

    Roger Moore

    @Schlemazel:
    I lived near the parade route for more than a decade, so I have some experience. How to plan a visit is going to depend heavily on your budget.

    1) Seating. The cheapest approach is to watch it from the street. It’s hard to guarantee a good spot unless you camp out overnight; they let people start camping at noon the day before. Bleacher seats are fairly expensive but can be nice if you get a good one. The bleachers close to the start of the parade are generally better because they don’t have trees partially blocking the view, which ones further along the route usually do. If you’re going to stay in Pasadena, some of the motels along the parade route have rooms overlooking Colorado, so you could watch it from your (expensive) room.

    2) Transportation. Unless you’re going to get a room close to the route, you’re going to need to find a way to get there. Pasadena is served by the Metro Gold Line, which has 4 stops reasonably close to the parade route. There are also buses. Parking is likely to be expensive unless you know somebody who will let you park in their driveway. Reservations are strongly recommended.

    3) Lodging. All the hotels and motels in the Pasadena area have massively increased prices at required minimum stay lengths around New Years. The motels in Pasadena proper are concentrated along Colorado Blvd, so they’re very convenient and expensive. I don’t think there’s a lot of point in getting a room in one of the nearby communities; you’ll be paying for proximity but not enough proximity to save you a drive. If you have a RV, there are places along the parade route that offer RV parking, though I assume they are quite expensive.

    With all this stuff, the key is to plan ahead. Lots of people are in Raven’s shoes and only know they’re going to come to Pasadena when the matchup for the football game is announced. Getting in ahead of those people will save you some hassle and money, and planning even longer in advance will help more.

  75. 75.

    Magda in Black

    We do exist here, Dorothy (i’ve not quite figured out the @), however I haven’t yet noticed any recognizable “tribe symbols”
    One last thought before I venture out onto the tundra:
    It is indeed the height of privilege (yes, white) to be able to remain so deliberately ignorant of the crisis this country is facing. It truly stuns me.

  82. 82.

    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho

    @Ohio Mom: ::Waves:: I’ve been appearing only sporadically myself and have been thinking of you also. We did almost cross paths in a thread, but I think you left before I arrived,

    We should absolutely meet up again when it gets warmer. If you still have my email, shoot me yours (which I mislaid). I wanted to get your permission to send it with my New Year’s greetings to Ernie P., MD.

  84. 84.

    Roger Moore

    @Magda in Black:

    i’ve not quite figured out the @

    Click on the “Reply” button in the lower right corner of the message you’re responding to, and it will automatically add the @name: in the comment box.

  88. 88.

    Ruckus

    @gene108:
    I want to weigh 160 and be young and in love. But then I’ve always been a dreamer. Or delusional, I can never tell the difference.

  89. 89.

    Ruckus

    @Yarrow:
    Yes that’s where they are sitting. It’s the only overpass on the route, and they are on the north east side, I think towards the back or top. Which is actually some of the best seats in the house.

  91. 91.

    SWMBO

    @Marcia: Didn’t Molly Ivins co-own a dog they named Shithead? She said it wasn’t fun going down the street calling,”Shit! Shit! Shithead!”

  92. 92.

    Aleta

    Love the drawings. My favorite might be the empty yard with fence and ‘OMFG.’ And the station wagon is fab.

    New Year’s story:
    Our family was about to move East, after my father had finally found a job in upper NYS. He was already working out there, and had located a bargain farm for my mother to come see and say yes. So we drove east for 2 1/2 days over Christmas vacation, spending it at my grandmother’s farm in CT.

    For some reason I’ve forgotten, except that it had to do with me, when we left for the trip home my grandmother sent us off with a bottle of cod liver oil. She’d already given me one unsuspected dose, and I told everyone it would never happen again. I did not want that bottle in the car. My mother accepted it anyway, and I realized for the first time that even she had to do what her mother told her.

    A blizzard hit while we were on the throughway, probably in NY or PA, and the visibility closed in on us. Then our old car’s defroster gave out. My mother kept plugging along and told us to roll the windows down a bit to defog the windshield. Soon we were all scraping ice off the windshield, side and rear windows with our mittens.

    “Can you find a towel back there to rub with?” she asked my brother.

    He’d read a book about Edison and believed himself a boy inventor as well, and he liked to try out illogical experiments that he’d reasoned could work.

    He found some clothing in the back and proud of his scientific knowledge that oil can’t freeze, applied cod liver oil to each piece and handed them around. We all set to furiously rubbing the inside of the windshield and the windows. “It’s working!” he announced right away, so my little sister and I applied even more oil before my mother realized what was happening and could stop us. Even after that, I tried once more to finish off the bottle for my own protection.

    It’s still vivid in my mind. The car crawling along, snow beating hard against the smeared windshield. The heavy smell of the horrible cod liver oil, and my mother hunching forward trying to see. Snow blowing in through the windows, now rolled all the way down so she could at least see out to the side.

    Eventually a state trooper stopped us to say the throughway was closed, and we crept forward until the next exit. To our joy, we were about to stay in a motel, a rare treat. Even luckier for us, it had a pay-to-vibrate Magic Fingers bed, which we’d never tried !! My defeated mother gave us each a quarter while she went out with a borrowed bucket to wash the inside of the windows in the cold snow and then to scrape the ice off them.

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