Okay, this post is really about pushing those hideous deplorables in the previous post below the fold.
Dog Meets Owner At Door In Desperate Attempt To Get Ahead Of Diarrhea-Rug Scandal https://t.co/Gb6mFj5389 pic.twitter.com/VAuEsyhazy
— The Onion (@TheOnion) July 30, 2018
But this Onion tweet’s got it all, doesn’t it? A naughty dog, a household item ruined by a pet calamity and a whiff (har) of scandal? It’s like the Balloon Juice trifecta. Open thread!
Mnemosyne
The cat owner version of that is vomiting, because some cats vomit A LOT.
Yes, I’m thinking of our oldest cat, who refuses to take any hairball remedy and produces a lot of vomit.
hells littlest angel
Is the dog named Rudy?
Chip Daniels
A dog with diarrhea, still a finer example of humanity than anyone in the Trump orbit.
Schlemazel
@Mnemosyne:
Our other cats have all hawked up furballs regularly but the current model does not seem to do so much at all. It is weird.
laura
Spouse and I sent that to each other yesterday.
I’m sensing a convergence…..
lollipopguild
@Mnemosyne: When I was kid we at different times had three cats and a dog. The hairball presents were always found with my bare feet at night or early in the morning.
Gin & Tonic
@Mnemosyne: If I was more entrepreneurial I’d make an alarm clock with the sound of a cat puking. Because nothing can get you out of bed faster than that.
p.a.
A dog denying a soiled rug has more cred than trump denying collusion/conspiracy/treason.
USPS left a package at my SINGLE FAMILY HOUSE yesterday: labelled not with my street name, not with my house #, and for an apartment 17.
geg6
@p.a.:
I got a check in the mail at work (I’m a financial aid administrator for a university) from an outside scholarship provider addressed to me but the letter inside was for a student I never heard of and was made out to a different school in a completely different state. Thousand of dollars. Someone needs to be paying attention when stuffing envelopes and not leave stuffing scholarship checks into envelopes to work study students.
MazeDancer
If the opening statements at Manafort’s trial are an indication of the quality of the lawyering that is to come, either Paul has a promise of a pardon, or he’s terrified his family might get poisoned.
WaPo has been live-blogging the proceedings. They report Manafort’s defense is to blame everything on Rick Gates.
Schlemazel
@MazeDancer:
I assume he has been promised a full pardon. I hope Mueller held back some charges for later
TenguPhule
Probably the latter. Though how much loyalty does a scumsucker like him even have to his family?
Mnemosyne
@Gin & Tonic:
Cartoonist Nicole Hollander (she did “Sylvia”) proposed that decades ago, though it was the sound of two cats upchucking: “Guaranteed to have you up and out of bed in seconds!”
opiejeanne
@lollipopguild: Still better than finding half a dead mouse in your shoes. A little present from the kitty that my kids endured growing up.
Mnemosyne
@opiejeanne:
My high school boyfriend’s family lived in a farm house in Wisconsin. One morning, his mom came downstairs and said, “J, there’s a headless mouse in my bed!”
He went upstairs, came back down, and said, “Yep, there sure is.” And went back to eating his breakfast. ?
(She did make him go back upstairs and dispose of the carcass.)
MazeDancer
@Schlemazel: Full pardon for Gates is assumed. Especially now if he’s going to bear the brunt of the defense.
First witness up is Tad Devine.
They are wasting no time on this trial.
Mary G
Manafort trial started and Tad Devine is first on the stand. Defense says Manafort is a poor innocent little lamb who let that traitor Rick Gates handle all the money and had no idea that taxes weren’t paid and reports weren’t filed.
Barbara
@MazeDancer: I know I keep saying it, but they call themselves the rocket docket for a reason. The government’s lawyers definitely have experience with the court and the judge. I don’t know about Manafort’s.
TenguPhule
@Gin & Tonic:
Donald Trump: “I have declared War on Canada. We begin bombing in five minutes.”
Mary G
WaPo on opening statement by prosecutor: But the most peculiar new detail he offered was on Manafort’s spending, explaining how the lobbyist spent so much on menswear. He had a $15,000 jacket, Asonye said, “made from an ostrich.” That monster.
Chyron HR
@Mary G:
“See these loafers? Former gophers!”
jl
The pet dog had a better approach than Trump.
Mnemosyne
@Chyron HR:
That’s exactly the Simpsons episode I flashed on, too. ?
schrodingers_cat
I have been listening to Berklee College of Music’s A. R. Rahman tribute, some sections are pretty awesome.
Epic Medley
Mr Stagger Lee
If you haven’t heard the podcast The Wilderness by Jon Favreau, please do.
MazeDancer
@Barbara:
Rocket Docket for sure.
They’re going to adjourn after Tad Devine is done, around 5:45. Didn’t know courts worked that late.
Rachel is barely going to have time to figure out which parts of the transcripts she is going to reenact.
MattF
I suppose it’s possible that Manafort will be pardoned– but he has to be tried and convicted first. This means that the relevant information will become public– which is actually the important thing. After all, Nixon was pardoned and that didn’t help his reputation.
And, one may note, Manafort may not actually want to be out of jail– he has lots of ruthless enemies.
ETA: Actually, Nixon was pardoned and never tried. Hmm.
RedDirtDirl
@Mnemosyne: Have always loved her work!
The Dangerman
@Mary G:
Cocaine used to be God’s way of telling you that you had too much money (/Richard Pryor, I think); 15K for an ostrich coat is right up there.
Speaking of leather, I thought this was funny. Mooooooo (/gary larson).
Miss Bianca
@Gin & Tonic: There was a “Sylvia” cartoon, many years ago, that employed that exact same trope. Made me LMAO because I have *been* there – jerked awake from a sound sleep by the telltale gag, rushing over to the kitty going, “No, no, no, not on the carpet, NOT ON THE CARPET…shit.”
@Mnemosyne: JINX!!
SiubhanDuinne
@Chyron HR:
Oh, nice!
“See these flats? Baby bats!”
“And my clogs? Feral dogs!”
“These here pants? Elephants!”
“Like my undies? Coatimundis!”
We could do this all day.
catclub
@Chyron HR:
former go-fers!
catclub
@MattF:
no, Nixon was pardoned but it did not keep him in office. Trump is planning pardons so he will stay in office longer.
Schlemazel
@Mnemosyne:
My favorite cat of all time was the very best mouser we have ever had. I was occasionally woken up in the middle of the night by the Mrs screaming at me to get her away from he catch & the crunching of mousie bones. I loved that the cat did that. I hated however that she would leave 4 legs and a tail for me to clean up
oatler.
@Mnemosyne: I loved that strip. The way she depicted cats was priceless.
schrodingers_cat
@Schlemazel: Boss cat loves mousie tails, be they real or the catnip kind.
Roger Moore
@opiejeanne:
My personal favorite was when my cat decided to wake me up by dropping a half-dead moth on my arm. I guess I’m glad he caught the moth, but I would have preferred to be awake before he decided to share.
Schlemazel
@Chyron HR:
It was that or shoot the chauffeurs.
See my vest, see my vest, seeeeeee my vest
Mary G
Need advice from the BJ hive expertise. My back yard is full of wasps and they are starting a nest (about 5-6 inches long, 3/4 inch tall) in the driveway. I bought spray at Lowe’s, because though I try to garden organic, I had a bad reaction to a bite or sting or whatever they do, and in some cases chemicals are called for. Should I try to use the spray and do it myself or call a professional? There are like 50-60 of them flying around the yard, so there may be more nests.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
Seems like an appropriate thread to announce that we learned our 17-year-old black [*] longhair cat died peacefully while we were on vacation. The pet sitter found her out back where she liked to hang out. She only came in occasionally to meow loudly until locating her people, then return to the porch after gracing us with a few grudging minutes of attention.
At night we called this “the bed check”.
Not totally unexpected. She was skin and bones, and the oldest pet I ever had in my life. But we’ll still miss her and it will be weird getting home and not being yelled at.
We thing we’ll likely be not only looking to adopt a new cat, but to bring a dog back into our lives. Not sure if it’s wise or possible to introduce two animals to each other and a new family at the same time.
[*] she had a bunch of mats cut out back in March, shaved to the skin. The fur grew back a mix of black, grey and white.
Schlemazel
@MattF:
Dump could pardon him today. Poppy Shrub pardoned people for Iran Contra that had not yet been convicted. HE should have been charged with obstruction also. Hair furor’s problem there is once pardoned Manafort is no longer protected by the 4th amendment and fully exposed to perjury charges if he lies. You want to only pardon for specific crimes not broad spectrum.
Schlemazel
@The Dangerman:
actually it was Robin Williams but Prior certainly could have used the joke if he had wanted
schrodingers_cat
This Sufi Arabic-Urdu-Hindi poem is pretty awesome too.
Kun Faya Kun
Original from the movie Rockstar. Its shot in one of old Delhi’s dargahs (shrines to Sufi saints) where Shah Jahan’s (of the Taj Mahal and later imprisoned by his son Aurangzeb) daughter used to worship according to legend.
MattF
@Schlemazel: Looks like I got that all wrong. Oh well.
Schlemazel
@SiubhanDuinne:
Those are all great but the original comment was a h/t to C. Montgomery Burns
Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I’m hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good…
See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there’s no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat, ’twas my cat,
My evening wear – vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles’ necks, I’ve got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,
Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.
Like my loafers? Former gophers –
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,
So let’s prepare these dogs,
(Kill two for matching clogs,)
See my vest, see my vest,
see my vest
Like my loafers? Former gophers –
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,
So let’s prepare these dogs,
(Kill two for matching clogs,)
See my vest, see my vest,
oh please won’t you see my vest
to the tune of “Be My Guest” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyWVaZsUQjc
Mike in NC
@Mary G: 50-60 wasps?! By all means call an exterminator.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
@Miss Bianca: Many years ago when I roomed with my brother for a bit, it was a related human sound that woke me up. No, not what you’re thinking, it sounded like this: “Hey, wake up. The dog puked / pooped on the carpet, I have an early class, gotta run. Later!”
JeanneT
FWIW, I had a basset hound, Lucy, who hacked up hairballs now and then. They were much bigger than kitty hairballs!
lollipopguild
@opiejeanne: Our first cat left us a nice white bunny as a present at the back door as we were leaving for church on Easter Sunday.
Mary G
@Ceci n est pas mon nym: I’m sorry for your loss. Even a Grumpy Cat is still a member of the family. Petfinder has a filter for dogs that get along with cats. Yes, I’m still thinking about a dog.
Miss Bianca
@oatler.: Before I left Chicago (ack, twenty years ago!), I got to see a “Sylvia” musical. By far the most memorable number (meaning, it’s the only one I remember and still quote from) was the cats singing “Everything Here Is Mine”.
Schlemazel
@schrodingers_cat:
the odd part was that the legs and tail were laid out just as they were in life.
Also had a cat & I would feed him minnows when we got back from fishing. The first few would disappear & then at some point he would leave the heads & eat everything else. I would love to know what was going on thi their heads to make these things happen.
germy
Miss Bianca
@germy: And by “love”, of course, we mean “violently hate how in the fucking bag the media is for Bernie.”
lamh36
Got my shirt today for when I see Janet Jackson in Miami!
Schlemazel
@Mary G:
One thing to be aware of is when they die they give off a pheromone that makes the others very aggressive. I was using a shop vac to get them from under the siding on our house & watched one make a beeline (pun intended) straight for my face stinger first. If you got one of those wasp sprays that shoot stream 10-15 feet or so you should be fine
schrodingers_cat
@lollipopguild: Thoughtful kitteh is thoughtful.
Schlemazel
@Ceci n est pas mon nym:
Went in her sleep like I hope to. It was a good life, sorry for your loss. Be happy for the good times you had
Miss Bianca
@lamh36: Lookin’ beautiful there, lamh! Make sure you give us a report/review on the concert!
Barbara
So it looks like Manafort’s main defense will be to blame Rick Gates. Also, it appears that the judge must be letting the press do some kind of live communication because the updates are coming pretty fast. Unless the WaPo has two people and they are trading off the live updates. Normally you can’t even get your phone in the courthouse so they would have to write everything down and then leave and probably call it in.
germy
@lamh36: We saw her. She puts on an amazing show. And it starts with an important video.
Obvious Russian Troll
@Schlemazel: I’d add that it’s a good idea to do it in the morning when they’re not as active. (It may not matter depending on the morning temperatures where you live.)
Having said that, if you feel you might have a reaction and it makes you nervous there is no shame in calling an exterminator. I had one come pretty much out of nowhere and sting me the other day. Little fuckers are mean.
germy
@Barbara: any description of the jury? I’m curious about them.
Schlemazel
@MattF:
IANAL but I have studied the law a lot, I love it & always wish I had gone to law school. It is always possible that local laws vary but there have been cases that support my guess. But ‘good’ lawyers can always find the exception.
Mnemosyne
@Mary G:
If there may be more nests and you’re allergic, for God’s sake call in professional help!
SiubhanDuinne
@lamh36:
LAMH, you look adorable! What a fine shirt, too!
Schlemazel
@Obvious Russian Troll:
Agreed & I was not thinking about having a reaction to the bastids. If you can’t get someone to help go ahead & get a pro. Odds are you would be OK but why risk it?
I am allergic to fire ants. Ants and bees are relatives so I asked my Dr if I could be allergic to bee stings & got a shitty answer (Florida doc, so a shitty doctor, but still) When the hornet got me I had my epi pen ready but didn’t need it.
Miss Bianca
@germy: And, of course, it’s not just Chuck Todd. Notice that WaPo carefully identifies Tad Devine as a “Democratic strategist” as well. No mention of Bernie Sanders’s campaign at all, at all.
Gelfling 545
@Miss Bianca: on Facebook a “memory” from 2014 came upon my timeline:
Definition of a cat from a novel I’m reading: “Basically it’s a velociraptor with a fur coat and an outsized sense of entitlement.”
Some memory. I have no idea what the novel was but there’s truth in that quote.
Mary G
@lamh36: Wow, not the same font but I saw it and flashed back to Soul Train in the early 70s. I loved that show.
Schlemazel
@Gelfling 545:
I love that! Please try to remember the book, it seems like writing I would enjoy!
J R in WV
@Schlemazel:
Our first and favorite cat would leave the rodent gall-bladders, when she ate a rodent. Sometimes she left 2 or 3 complete carcasses, intact, lined up in order, as sort of a tribute, to let us know that she was on the job at all times.
But just as often and especially inside the house, nothing but a tiny gall bladder, sometimes with more or less of a liver. Cold and squishey against a bare foot!
rikyrah
@lamh36:
Looking good ?
rikyrah
Timeless is going to get a two part finale??
I loved this show.
https://tvline.com/2018/07/31/timeless-renewed-season-3-finale-movie-date-nbc/
schrodingers_cat
@Schlemazel: Human if you don’t feed me on time, this could be you. They are warning us.
MazeDancer
@Ceci n est pas mon nym: So sorry for your loss.
hedgehog the occasional commenter
@Ceci n est pas mon nym: Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. (hugs)
NeenerNeener
I just got a new scam robocall tonight, supposedly from “Microsoft Technical Support”. They want to refund the money I spent on tech support for the last few months because “the company is being forced to close”. Since I haven’t spent any money on tech support I hung up instead of writing down and calling the number the robot was going to recite. I don’t know if this is the US Govt making that set of scammers return the money they took from confused old people, or if it was just to get me to talk to a new set of scammers who would ask for my bank account or credit card number so they could “transfer my refund”. Has anybody else got this call yet?
Roger Moore
@Schlemazel:
Google says it’s from The Rhesus Chart by Charlie Stross.
tobie
@Miss Bianca: I just got home and checked the front page of the Washington Post online. The current lead article starts:
I don’t know what they had up earlier but this first paragraph seems pretty good in identifying Devine.
Chuck Todd is, well, just awful on so many counts.
James E Powell
@germy:
The WaPo reports it’s six men and six women. There’s a bit more about the selection process. I’m kind of surprised how quickly it got done.
I have to believe that Manafort & his attorneys think they have a good shot at an acquittal or at least a hung jury. Even if the latter the Republicans – and the press/media along with them – will do victory dances and produce a volcanic eruption of demands to shut down Mueller. So, there’s a lot at stake here.
Ocean dude
My master leftist plan. Phase one- Start a PAC. Americans for the Baby Jeebus. Its an end times pac. Crowded field I know. But hear me out. Of course Jesus is coming back, but my end times Jeebus is coming back as an infant. I ask for gobs of money so I can track him down ASAP. Jeebus would be Tabula Rasa. So. We have to intervene quickly and get him home schooled, if he reaches public school, well I dont even want to go there. Liberty and Bob Jones University are not going to take any old messiah, he has to know that God still hates shell fish, shit, I mean gays. Phase II- use the money to buy millions of Djembes (afro drums). Maybe some Cuban congas. We start in Texas. Send those djembes out strategically, en masse. Maybe en masse wrong way to go, maybe a slow infiltrating insurgency, I will defer to Adam Silverman. Anyway. Get them into every ranch, and NRA rally in Texas. “Get a free djembe with every gun purchase”. Phase III- spontaneous drum circles all over the state. City parks, high mesas, low valleys, dead end town streets, and, of course, malls. Night time and day time you will hear archaic, haunting melodies, drifting in off the plains. Primitive rhythms that harken back to an ancient self. Your senses become enlivened as you remember your Jungian past. The longer you listen the simpler your life becomes. Man and woman, lurking beasts in the darkness. Hypnotic rhythms. We start off slow. Snatches of twenty minutes here and there. The mystery will start feeding itself. Two weeks in- maybe two hours or more a night. I can picture the scene- cut to a living room and a man in a recliner- the Texan mutes Fox news, “Carla Rae….you here that… (Looks at his djembe next to his AR-15).. I hear drumming again.” Then on a full moon we play all night. These drum circles will be seeded with my elite Sardaukar forces. Raised on nothing but avocado toast, Mr Rogers, and Dr Suess books. I tell you just a matter of time before everyone joins in. From there, leftist revolution. PS. If the Djembes dont work we go with plan B. Jeebus has returned but hes a baby girl. We take in a bunch of money again and try something else.
tobie
@James E Powell: Two things about jury selection surprised me: (1) the prosecution and the defense got the names of potential jurors last week. I have no doubt they had staff look up the subscriptions, Facebook pages, political donations, charity donations, etc of all on the list to figure out their political leanings. Is it typical to give the legal teams the names of potential jurors so far in advance of the trial? (2) the potential pool of jurors numbered 65. When I’ve done jury duty, the pool has been at least a hundred if not more. That they got jury selection done in half a day is quite surprising.
tybee
@Ocean dude: dayyum.
i’m in.
Dan B
@Mary G: If you do it yourself spray at night after they’re in the nest. Wear long sleeves taped to gloves so they can’t crawl in. Have simeone check you before you come inside. Better yet get someone young who can run fast and an offering to their parents, and them…
Schlemazel
@J R in WV:
Having eaten a bunch of organs I am fully in favor of leaving gallbladders! That is one gormond cat.
Schlemazel
@Roger Moore:
THANKS! I am going to have surgery & be laid up for a month so I am building a book pile to work through. This is very intresting
trollhattan
@Mary G: @Dan B:
Yup, note location(s) and go back at night, or have somebody else do it. Wasp sprays generally send a stream that goes a long (more or less safe) distance. Sprays will take out paper wasp nests but not necessarily mud nests–those I generally have to knock down. I’ve never seen a really big mud nest so will guess you have paper wasps.
For the creep factor, it’s…interesting to break mud wasp nest cells open and see all the paralyzed spiders packed inside, just waiting to feed Junior. There’s a Trump metaphor there somewhere.
Ruckus
@p.a.:
Amazon failed to deliver a package when they said they would, but our guest intercom rang and it was my city councilman with the package. He lives about 3 miles from me, his name is not even close, he lives in a residential area, not an apartment, the street name is not even close… I will give the delivery guy the city.
Miss Bianca
Yo, Colorado jackals – I will be interviewing Democratic candidate for Attorney General, Phil Weiser, after his meet-and-greet in Salida tomorrow. Any of you have any questions for the candidate? : )
Miss Bianca
@tobie: Glad to hear it. I was reading the intro material they had posted earlier.
Starfish
@Miss Bianca: Ask him about his opinion on Initiative 97 increasing the Oil and Gas set backs.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
Damn, these Californians! I am at this moment on a beach in Alameda, outside San Francisco. The air temperature is 67 and breezy, ok but a little cool for short sleeves with the wind. The water temp, Google tells me, is 55.
And these nutty locals are out there swimming in it! In your regular short bathing suits, not surfer outfits. Brrr!
StringOnAStick
@Miss Bianca: How would he have approached the federal request for voter data? I’m sure he wouldn’t have just handed everything over like Cynthia Coffman did, but it gives him a chance for a little “compare and contrast”.
Miss Bianca
@StringOnAStick: Nice question – altho’ wouldn’t that be the Secy. of State’s bailiwick? Never mind, I’m sure the AG would be advising any decision the SoS made.
@Starfish: OK! (*off to do some research*)
SFBayAreaGal
@Ceci n est pas mon nym: I love my fog and cool breezes during this time of year.
Viva BrisVegas
@rikyrah:
Then you would probably like El Ministerio del Tiempo as well. You can brush up your Spanish at the same time.
It’s on Netflix.
rikyrah
@Viva BrisVegas:
Thanks for the recommendation ?
JAFD
Q – Why don’t cats play basketball ?
A – They can’t stand it when the crowd yells “Hairrrballl, Hairrrballll”
evodevo
@Gin & Tonic: Or, downstairs when you hear the beginnings of a dog horking up whatever lolol – because of a bad knee, I tend to go down the steps carefully …. except then – I can do amazing acrobatics when I hear that sound …
Bill Arnold
@Mary G:
As long as you’re not very allergic, spraying them at night should be fine (optimal even). They literally can’t see at night, with a couple of guards hanging out but kinda blind. That is assuming they’re not that large hornet species (Vespa crabro – rare in my area, only seen once) that hangs out near floodlights at night, attacking insects that are attracted to the light, and even those couldn’t see in the dark at the nest IIRC. I hate killing colonies and will try to avoid it unless there is a genuine threat to allergic people.
My grandfather used to kill yellow jacket nests (NE US) in ground by waiting until after dusk, poring a small amount of gasoline down the hole (maybe 1/8 cup) and throwing a match in. He’d only bother if they were in a path or some place somebody was likely to step; they aren’t aggressive unless the nest is stepped on. Skunks by the way will dig out a active yellow-jacket nest at night if they find it, and eat the larvae. Don’t know how to get the skunks to do this on demand though.