Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

The next time the wall wtreet journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Not all heroes wear capes.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night Happy Fantasies Open Thread

Late Night Happy Fantasies Open Thread

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Of course it will never happen, because neither of those guys would step down short of active physical force, and even then the rest of the Repubs wouldn’t agree with the transfer. (Should the Oval Office Squatter fall over foaming from every orifice, Moscow Mitch would probably threaten Pence into stepping down & replace him with some 37-year-old Federalist drone before allowing the Secret Service to remove Trump’s body, aka The Full-Metal Ford.)

But we can dream…

Reader Interactions

71Comments

  1. 1.

    Elizabelle

    In Trump and Pence’s case, death is preferable to quarantine.  By a factor of thousands.

    Although:  it would remove the chance of Trump having to pay for his sins and criminality, in this world.  And although:  there is a different standard for the rich and you and me.  But I refuse to think he will just be left alone in his retirement from an office he was never qualified and disgraced by his very presence.

    There must be justice, however diverted.

  2. 2.

    James E Powell

    Should the Oval Office Squatter fall over foaming from every orifice, Moscow Mitch would probably threaten Pence into stepping down & replace him with some 37-year-old Federalist drone before allowing the Secret Service to remove Trump’s body

    Have you all seen The Death of Stalin? Highly recommended.

  3. 3.

    Kirk Spencer

    First, quarantine is not isolation. Sadly, he’d be able to play at being president in that state.

    Second, I’m not completely convinced he’ll quarantine if he comes up positive on a test. The havoc he’d cause among all the people working there would be, well, some would deserve it while the staff does not. Regardless, until forced into bed for treatment I can see him sharing his disease all over the place simply due to his denial.

  4. 4.

    mrmoshpotato

    Oh Bloody Bill Kristol.

    Both of these shitstains on democracy should’ve stepped down at 12:02PM on January 20, 2017.  Then President Ryan should’ve picked Hillary as his VP, and then he should’ve resigned too.

  5. 5.

    dmsilev

    Well, Moscow Mitch might find this to be a bit of an impediment:

    Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the Vice President, the President shall nominate a Vice President who shall take office upon confirmation by a majority vote of both Houses of Congress.

    So, in this fantasy scenario Trump steps down and Pence therefore becomes President. To fill the now-vacant VP slot, both the House and the Senate have to vote to confirm.

  7. 7.

    different-church-lady

    OK, how about Trump screams at Pence for fucking up the virus response, Pence finally snaps and screams back that Trump hasn’t let him do a fucking thing and he’s the fuck up, they get into a physical confrontation that results in the death of both combatants, and there’s no secret service around to stop it because they’re all quarantined?

  9. 9.

    dmsilev

    Even while we dream of pleasant fantasy, there’s still some real-world schadenfreude that can be savored:

    White House aides rattled after positive coronavirus tests and officials send mixed messages on how to respond

    The White House on Saturday scrambled to deal with the fallout from two aides testing positive for the coronavirus, as officials who were potentially exposed responded differently, with some senior members of the pandemic task force self-quarantining while others planned to continue to go to work.

    Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Stephen Hahn and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Robert Redfield, both task force members, said they are self-quarantining or teleworking for two weeks after exposure to a coronavirus case at the White House. On Saturday night, a spokeswoman for Anthony S. Fauci, the government’s top infectious diseases official, acknowledged that working from home sometimes will be among the precautions he is taking.

    But several administration officials said White House staffers were encouraged to come into the office by their supervisors, and that aides who travel with President Trump and Vice President Pencewould not stay out for 14 days, the recommended time frame to quarantine once exposed to the virus.
    […]

    But the nervousness and concern among White House staffers became more palpable on Saturday, according to people familiar with the matter who, like others, spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss the tensions. Now that Redfield and Hahn are staying away, some officials said they don’t know if they should keep going to work at the White House. Staffers who had potentially been in contact with Miller were still getting calls on Saturday from officials trying to gauge their exposure to the virus, according to one person who received a call.

    […]

    After news of Miller’s diagnosis, aides were going through seating charts, looking at her schedule to discern where she had been and trying to question anyone who may have been close to her in a room. Emails were sent about possible exposure, and staffers were called. “Any place she spent extensive time was immediately sanitized,” one official said. Miller was regularly in the Oval Office and around Trump when the daily coronavirus task force news briefings were ongoing, but has not been since the briefings ended a couple of weeks ago. She was in the task force meeting in the Situation Room on Thursday, sitting in the back row facing Pence on the far right side, closer to the door, according to a person familiar with the situation.

    I certainly feel sorry for the Secret Service and other career professionals caught up in this. They don’t deserve this. The political staff hacks, on the other hand? Yeah, enjoy the mental games of “was I near the plague carriers?”.

  10. 10.

    West of the Cascades

    @dmsilev: I’ve had a slight schadenfreudeishfeeling when thinking about who Katie Miller is MOST likely to have passed Covid-19 on to.

    I fear that God does not love us that much.

  11. 11.

    Mai naem mobile

    @different-church-lady: all that is good but it has has has to be televised or at least taped for not much later viewing. Secret taping from an insider who finally becomes a sort of whistleblower would be absolutely awesome.

  12. 12.

    piratedan

    @Elizabelle: in my mind, I would have no issues with the virus doing in both Trump and Pence, makes it tougher for the right wing noise machine to make a martyr out of them, whereas once they leave office they face the likely event that they are hung or shot for the treason that they are guilty of.  This way they die because of their own hubris, which seems fitting somehow and I find it hard to believe that the right could find a way to cast the remainder of this administration as suitable sympathetic characters.  The people with the money can slide back into the shadows and all of these remaining sacrificial lambs can be shorn and then the GOP can try and find a more competent face for its fascism the next time.

    Now as to both of them keeling over in a timely manner making Pelosi the next President, I have no faith whatsoever that Moscow Mitch and Billy Barr would ever allow that to happen, no matter how “understood” the passage of the reins of power are known to be.  I am assured that I would hear the next day that Speaker Pelosi had sexually harassed Kevin McCarthy and was therefore unfit for office.

  13. 13.

    Mai naem mobile

    There is a guy on the Twitter machine speculating if Trumpov has gotten prophylactic plasma treatment(being that he’s not tested positive despite being exposed to all these positive people) but that sounds too risky. Trumpov doesn’t seem like the healthiest person in the world to try something like that on.

  14. 14.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    This a fantasy or real because there is a rumor Pence is self quartining because him and the entire Virus task force were exposed.

  15. 15.

    West of the Cascades

    @piratedan: If Trump, Pence, AND Pelosi can’t serve, Chuck Grassley becomes President.

    The succession after Grassley would be Pompeo, Mnuchin, Esper, Barr, Bernhardt, Perdue, Ross, Scalia (Eugene), Azar, Carson, Brouillette (who? Sec of Energy), DeVos, Wilkie (Veterans Affairs), and finally Chad Wolf, Sec of Homeland Security (maybe).

    It’s disconcerting that Mike Pompeo is only four heartbeats away from the presidency.

  16. 16.

    trollhattan

    @Elizabelle:

    I would have once demanded they both be lowered into the fireant pit. I’m a changed person, and today demand they be placed in the murder hornet box. Am I wrong?

  17. 17.

    ziggy

    @dmsilev: But the nervousness and concern among White House staffers became more palpable on Saturday

    ha, ha, thank goodness none of them are the slightest bit “essential”.

    The thing that worries me, is that if you wanted to throw the US government into (more) disarray, one fairly easy step would be to figure out which aides have contact with Trump and Pence and make sure that those aides become infected with Covid, knowing that they aren’t taking prudent precautions.

  18. 18.

    Redshift

    @dmsilev: “When we were trying to make everyone let leopards eat their faces to improve Trump’s reelection chances, it never occurred to me that he’s make me let leopards eat my face!”

  23. 23.

    randy khan

    @piratedan:

    I am assured that I would hear the next day that Speaker Pelosi had sexually harassed Kevin McCarthy and was therefore unfit for office.

    I, personally, would be appalled that she had such bad taste.

  28. 28.

    Mike J

    @Steeplejack: The good news is it’s entirely virtual, so I don’t actually have to be in an arena 48% full of people who are pissed off about losing.

    The bad news is it’s now basically a 9am-5pm zoom call.

    I did get an invite to run for national delegate.  Will it be live and let us experience the sights and smells of Milwaukee, or will it be virtual and let us experience 5 straight days of 16 hour zoom calls?

  29. 29.

    different-church-lady

    @piratedan:

    I am assured that I would hear the next day that Speaker Pelosi had sexually harassed Kevin McCarthy and was therefore unfit for office.

    Well, she did emasculate him.

  30. 30.

    Steeplejack

    @dmsilev:

    On Saturday night, a spokeswoman for Anthony S. Fauci, the government’s top infectious diseases official, acknowledged that working from home sometimes will be among the precautions he is taking.

    I’m not a big-shot epidemiologist like Fauci, but I don’t think “sometimes” is the way quarantines work. So sometimes he’ll work from home and sometimes he’ll, say, appear at White House briefings, presumably without a mask, because Trump? ?

  32. 32.

    Poe Larity

    There is never a good time to be gambling on Kristol being right about anything.

  36. 36.

    Steeplejack

    @Mike J:

    Boy, it just keeps getting better!

    • Basically a 9am-5pm zoom call.
    • Experience the sights and smells of Milwaukee?
    • Five straight days of 16 hour zoom calls?

    You poor bastard.

  38. 38.

    Mike J

    @Redshift: I ran because my LD said they were low on people willing to be delegates, so I put up a snarky statement of candidacy and won.

    Funny how they are low on people who want to represent the guy who won the state and our district.   I’ve done county level before, and mainly won that one by convincing the opposition it will be boring and pointless and got my precinct over represented for my preferred candidate.

  39. 39.

    Mr. Kite

    I just can’t in this world where Bill Kristol is supposed to be wittingly funny.

  41. 41.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    Just was talking to few a conservative friend and it was pretty amazing; the libertards are tanking the economy, expect going out the to store is dumb.  I can almost hear the unspoken “Trump” in this. I am sure by November they will be claiming Trump is a democrat.

  44. 44.

    NotMax

    Well, back from a trip to town which involved fewer than my usual stops when there. What should have taken at most, 2½ hours for complete round trip today took 4, the extra time spent waiting on lines to get into stores.

    Costco now has two completely full aisles of protein drinks and powders. It looks as if they cornered the market in those for the western hemisphere. (I neither use not want either.) Packages of non-frozen chicken, beef or pork limited to 3 each per customer. Didn’t need them this time but it was nice to see the price of eggs there has dropped back down to the pre-virus cost.

    Only item I was unable to find at all was cornmeal, which is not a necessity but I tend to go through a fair amount of it when I do have it. Could have doubled back to Whole Foods to check there but by that time the knees wouldn’t hear of it.

    Cable company, as of May 1, moved the office where they accept payments, equipment returns and so forth from the most distant (and inconvenient to get to) edge of the next town over back into the larger town which is the shopping hub. Big, big sign on the wall when one enters that all the newly installed spiffy interactive display screens on the walls are inoperative due to the virus. However, instead of taking a number now one is supposed to sign in by name before getting on line to deal with a customer service person – on an interactive screen. That one is working, except it doesn’t register any touches if one is wearing gloves, so said the hell with it and just stood six feet behind the last person in line.

    Masks universal (except for some kids spotted who were young enough to ride in the shopping cart) as you’re denied entry to any store without one. Cashiers behind plastic barriers mostly maskless.

  45. 45.

    trollhattan

    @randy khan: She’d totally go after Gohmert. Exotic Texan and all.

    Can’t imagine a conversation between Gohmert and Nancy SMASH. It would be like watching a cinder block race a gazelle.

  47. 47.

    NotMax

    @NotMax

    Oh, and right behind me in line outside Target was a young woman, guess in her early twenties, wearing a Trump 2020 hat. I had on dark sunglasses so she couldn’t see the piercing “eat sh*t, asshole” looks I cast her way.

  48. 48.

    ziggy

    @rikyrah: Dumbest meeting ever, what are the chances one has Covid? (despite test, including aides and photographer, etc…).  Photo op for the prez.

  49. 49.

    trollhattan

    @NotMax:

    Costco is a semi-useful yardstick for comparing regions. Our NorCal Costco went all-masks 4 all Monday–customers and staff–and only two persons/card, meaning ginormous families are verboten. That second bit I really notice. I’ve had no wait entering the last two trips (pretty long lines before) and one-cart wait for checkout. They enlarged the space between checkout and merch, and marked stops for distancing. Sneeze screens for each checker.

    What’s in stock varies, but I’ve knocked off all the must-have items in the last couple of weeks, so the continual tweaks seem to be having an effect. Lots of things not present and unlikely to return soon. Wasabi poke–waaah! And no photo center–waaah2.

    They’ve done better than most retailers, in my limited scope of observation. And familiar faces are working–I credit Costco for keeping a consistent crew over the long haul. They’re doing something right.

    Think retail and restaurants will be dramatically and permanently changed after this is behind us. The customer base no longer views the shopping and dining functions in the same way.

  51. 51.

    Redshift

    @Mike J: Our congressional district convention is going to be a lot better as a virtual convention. Because we have a lot of activists who like to introduce contentious resolutions that will go nowhere even if they pass at that level, the convention drags on forever. With the virtual convention, it’s going to be two hours of speeches and routine business, and then we have until 5pm the next day to review everything offline and vote.

    Not sure yet what the state convention will be like, but I’m hopeful they’ll have the sense not to have a day-long zoom meeting.

  53. 53.

    mrmoshpotato

    @NotMax: Should be fun when the Blackout Drunk College Rapist is the deciding vote in a 5-4 decision to take away her right to make decisions about her own body.

  54. 54.

    Anya

    Bill Kristol wants a Nancy Pelosi presidency? What is happening?!

    This is the weirdest timeline.

  56. 56.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @rikyrah:

    POTUS and VP get tested right beforehand and everyone was negative.

    Those tests still give out false negative results at times, don’t they? WH staffers tested negative one day and positive the next. A negative test isn’t a guarantee, hence why mask wearing is kind of a good idea

  61. 61.

    SFAW

    @Poe Larity: 

    There is never a good time to be gambling on Kristol being right about anything.

    I’m so old, I can remember Kristol proclaiming that there was no way the Murderer-in-Chief would beat Hillary. When I read that, my first thought was “Oh fuck.”

  62. 62.

    SFAW

    @sukabi:

    not a sexual assault, she was just showing Kev his balls….took them out of her purse and gave them a dangle.

    And she was SO nice about it; she provided a magnifying glass so he could see them.

  64. 64.

    J R in WV

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Our Costco is pretty much the same, but I wish they’d do one way aisles.

    Wouldn’t make any difference, the Kroger’s I go to has big signs and arrows on the floor, and 40% of people are just randomly going the wrong way on every aisle.

    Some people appear to have never been in a grocery store before, gaping around like fish out of water. Amazing.

    And what’s with people wearing a mask around their throat? Are adam’s apples transmitting diseases now? FSM help us!

  66. 66.

    cmorenc

    We have really gone through Alice’s looking glass when we find Bill Kristol on our side, at least until Trump is gone.

  67. 67.

    Another Scott

    @trollhattan: I keep thinking back to Olden Days in the Before Times when you’d go to an old grocery store and give them a list or tell them what you want and a clerk would go and grab it for you off the shelf in the back and bring it to the counter.  When I used to go to the big box store (in the Before Times) and look for plumbing fittings or other hardware and find all the bins’ contents mixed up with seemingly random parts, I’d yearn for those days to return…  Grrr…

    Seriously, things change.  There’s no law of nature that says that shopping must consist of masses of customers walking through a store and getting their own stuff.  I don’t know if systems like in the Olden Days will return, but I wouldn’t be shocked if that were the case in some types of establishments.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  68. 68.

    Yutsano

    @Mike J: Hope for the virtual national convention. You’ll be avoiding the atrocity that is General Mitchell International Airport. Trust me. That place is miserable and needs a massive update.

  70. 70.

    JustRuss

    @Anya:

    Bill Kristol wants a Nancy Pelosi presidency? What is happening?!

    This is the weirdest timeline.

    Yeah, I can’t get used to it either.  Every pro-Democrat/anti-Trump comment by Kristol makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

  71. 71.

    ms_canadada

    @James E Powell: Watched it tonight. Is there a #GOD???

    #NOPE!

    We’re only in it for the money…

    Stalin isn’t stallin’ anymore…h/t Robert Wyatt

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