In case you were ever wondering why I am the way I am, let me share this with you. Today is dad’s 79th birthday, and for his birthday they decided they wanted an ice cream cake. So mom ordered it, and I, as a good soon, picked it up and delivered it. All should be well in good in the Cole households. But, however, my family is INSANE, and mom is now blowing up the family text because she is ABSOLUTELY LIVID that they forgot the comma:
The family text is here to make me miserable btw- it’s all the kids, mom and dad, and Tammy, aka daughter #3. Sometimes I can pick the phone up and there will be 113 messages, and I will think something horrible has happened only to find out that they have sent 86 messages to the group discussing whose dogs more when the UPS person comes. And then they get mad at me because I don’t read every text.
At any rate, happy birthday, dad. Look at the mess you have unleashed on an unsuspecting world.
Gin & Tonic
Happy, Birthday, John, Sr.,
Ken
I’m surprised it didn’t read “HAPPY BIRTHDAY COMMA JOHN”.
Roger Moore
She’s just lucky you didn’t get a cake that said “Happy Birthday Comma John”. Such things have been known to happen.
stinger
Happy Birthday,,,,,,,,,,,, Dad Cole! Hope the cake tastes great! Ask for a slice with a comma.
Baud
Happy birthday,,,John?
Baud
Should have ordered a bigger cake.
Baud
I thought people didn’t write in cursive anymore.
SiubhanDuinne
I’m surprised you didn’t get blamed, since you’re the one who picked it up. You should have caught it on the spot and demanded a do-over.
Baud
Remind them you don’t even read your own blog.
Brachiator
I would have told them that I ate the comma.
Baud
Happy Birthday⹁ John.
Elizabelle
Happy Birthday, Dad Cole.
Alison Rose
You mean you?
I kid, I kid. Happy birthday to Pops!
Brachiator
There’s a typo. Should be “son.”
Please don’t hurt me.
rikyrah
Happy Birthday, Papa Cole??????
Ohio Mom
Roger Moore:
That was my first thought, Cake Wrecks.
That site taught me how to look at cake decorations; it’s clear that whoever piped those words was happy they had enough space to squeeze in the “y.”
We now know what to get Mrs. Cole for Christmas: a small tube of red gel icing so she will be ready to correct any cake grammar mistakes from there on out.
Ken
Oh, no one reads John’s blog. It’s got too many commenters.
WaterGirl
@Baud: He does so!
Mary G
This is exactly the content I need between the brownshirts in Portland and the 76,384 new coronavirus cases in the US at 5 PM PDT.
Spanky
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COMMA COMMA COMMA CHAMELEON
Spanky
@Spanky: My mind works in mysterious ways.
When it works at all.
zhena gogolia
@Roger Moore:
There was a great one where they had given the bakery a USB stick —
I found this one, but I don’t think it’s the original one I saw.
https://www.techeblog.com/usb-stick-cake-decoration-and-10-more-bizarre-literal-cake-decoration-fails/
RSA
Whose dogs [silently bark] more, I’m guessing.
WaterGirl
Love to Dad Cole on his birthday!
It’s a hundred degrees out and I just came in from watering. It’s not literally a hundred, but it will be tomorrow. 101 and 102 for the next 2 days.
Anyway, I’m hot as hell and ice cream cake sounds perfect. Smart choice on the cake.
WaterGirl
@zhena gogolia: Those were great, thanks.
Elizabelle
There is a cake after your heart in here. Cake Wrecks.
geg6
I won’t be pedantic about this post because it’s a thread to tell Mr. Cole happy birthday! ???
Elizabelle
Cake Wrecks is fun.
A Harry Potter fail.
C Stars
@Spanky: A+
C Stars
Happy Birthday, to your dad.
Howdja like them apples?
middlelee
As some character in an obscure Graham Greene novel said, “In a hundred years no one will care.” I’ve tried to find the book to reread but it is too far back in the mists. I’ve had to let go of caring about the misuse of the pronoun “their” and have given up the fight over the Oxford comma (I’m for it).
I’m older than both your parents so want to say that I’m still annoyed that your mom allows your dad to tell her she can’t leave the electric kettle on the counter. I suspect her name is on the deed to the house. That should give her some rights as to what goes on inside it. Microwaved tea is an abomination.
When I was a kid my dad worked in a dairy and I got ice cream cakes for birthdays.
Happy birthday Mr. Cole the Elder.
Mai naem mobile
hAPPY bIRTHDAY !!!!
John Senior!!!
Jeezus, I’ve gotten a ton of birthday ice cream cakes and have never asked for a comma.
Roger Moore
@Ohio Mom:
I used to read Cake Wrecks every day, and I even bought a couple of their books. Somewhere along the line I stopped doing that.
NotMax
The comma is in quarantine.
;)
jl
@Ohio Mom: “We now know what to get Mrs. Cole for Christmas: a small tube of red gel icing so she will be ready to correct any cake grammar mistakes from there on out.”
I second that, and suggest that Cole set up a BJ blog fundraiser to get it done.
raven
My old man was a coach and an English teacher and he’s correct my letters from overseas and send them back. When he sent me this picture of the Great Lakes Baseball team and I was the bat boy he pointed out I was on the wrong knee.
Roger Moore
@zhena gogolia:
I think you’re probably thinking of this one from Cakewrecks. It’s actually a pretty creditable job of frosting a cake, just not what the customer was asking for.
prostratedragon
July 17 is a big day at Balloon Juice: Amir Khalid, Goku, and Cole’s dad. Happy Birthday to all!
mdblanche
@Roger Moore: Banners can be tricky too.
Redshift
Happy birthday to your dad, John! I’m either luck or too easygoing; mostly I’m not annoyed by my family, although my wife is.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@Brachiator: No wonder he screwed up about the comma
Kristine
Happy Birthday to Daddy Cole! ?, ?.
Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly, Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.)
Families…
You can’t live with them, and you can’t kill them.
TomatoQueen
Happy Birfday to Mr Cole, and many more!
zhena gogolia
@Roger Moore:
Wow, that site is addictive.
dexwood
Don’t ever change, Cole.
Pararllax
I lurk, almost never post. But I saw this and just had to write something because your post made me snort. And it made me snort because it reminds me of my crazy family. Sometimes we think we’re alone but my guess is we’re all mostly in the same boat because people are fuckin’ nuts!
Origuy
The willow is too close to the cake.
Happy Birthday, Mr Cole, also to Goku and Amir.
HumboldtBlue
I hope your mother doesn’t see your post, she will be apoplectic and we’re not just talking missing commas if you know what I mean.
@prostratedragon:
That’s a solid starting frontcourt. Cole at center, pops at small forward and Amir at the four. Happy days to all!
opiejeanne
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOHN’S POP!
@prostratedragon: It’s also my dad’s birthday. He’d be 102 today, if he were still with us. He only made it to 94.
jl
@HumboldtBlue: “I hope your mother doesn’t see your post, she will be apoplectic and we’re not just talking missing commas if you know what I mean. ”
I thought that the fact that Cole’s mom is always 1000 x 100 percent right is always assumed. It’s one of the BJ Cole axioms. That Cole is always wrong, is one of the minor corollaries.
SWMBO
Happy Birthday, Mr. Cole!
Happy Birthday, Goku!
Happy Birthday, Amir!
I wish for you all the wonderful things you wish for yourselves!
Amir Khalid
Happy birthday to John Cole père, from a fellow July seventeenther.
HeleninEire
OK so I came here to say that the Chris Cuomo interview with Mary Trump is WAY better than Rachel’s.
But I’m good saying “Yeah Cole’s Mom. I agree. Where is the fucking comma???”
p.a.
And ‘Birthday’ is slightly off-center.
If something were misspelled John might have had to call the EMTs.
BeautifulPlumage
Happy Birthday to poppa John and the other seventeeners!
laura
I’m going to bat for the cake decorator and risk pointing out that Cole Mom is wrong – look at the dibby bit of blue on the upper right side of the frosting, that right there is the comma because it adds nothing to the Y to complete the letter.
Also, a late birthday greeting to Amir, Goku and papa Cole. If we’re lucky we may get a Rosie and Cole Pere photo out of this.
stinger
And the people said, “Amen!”
jeffreyw
I want cake, now, please.
Martin
@laura: Yes, there’s a comma, but the kerning is unacceptable.
RepubAnon
@Roger Moore: Yes, CakeWrecks was my first thought as well.
Could have been a Fireman cake…
HRA
Happy Birthday to Mr. Cole, Amir and Goku!
CaseyL
@Roger Moore: Beat me to it! Mama Cole should go to cakewrecks.com and see how much worse it could have been.
Happy Birthday, Daddy Cole. John’s bitching aside, you raised some great kids.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
@zhena gogolia: Those are great! When I got to “I don’t give a shit I just want chocolate and M & Ms” I couldn’t stop laughing. Also, I would think that was the greatest birthday cake ever if that was mine.
JAFD
Please tell the senior Mr. Cole that I wish him the ultimate birthday felicitations, and please pet the various pets on my behalf.
Skepticat
As a professional proofreader, I’m with your mom, but I so agree with others that you’re lucky it didn’t end up “Birthday comma.” Belated warm birthday wishes to Birthday John.
NotMax
@Skepticat
Having seen enough examples of orthographic laziness over the years, there’s a better than even chance that could have emerged as “Birthday coma.”
:)
WaterGirl
@laura:
I enlarged the photo so I could check that out, and I would have to agree with you. For a second it looked to me like JohM instead of JohN, but that’s just because it’s been so long since I’ve seen cursive!
joel hanes
You know, Cole, it works both ways: they are who they are because of you.
J R in WV
@middlelee:
Not too long ago both neighbors worked as quality assurance lab techs for a local dairy plant in town, testing for bacteria by placing products in a very warm controlled room to see how much bacteria would appear in a set time.
So they would take a case of cream, or sour cream, or ice cream, off the production line, open it, and put one in the warm room. Of course the other 11 containers couldn’t be sold, so they were either discarded into the dumpster, or picked up by anyone who needed some heavy cream, or half and half. These containers were restaurant sizes, so think 5 gallons of heavy cream, or whatever.
We called them the dairy ladies, and everyone got fat on the high value buckets of food that floated through the neighborhood back then. Splitting up a 5 pound chunk of butter, tragic!
I think I can go back to bed now, wish me luck with that. I’ll dream about using sour cream in a chocolate cake, ah, those were the days, years ago. They were both biologists, perfect first job out of Bio school !!!