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You are here: Home / Open Threads / The Scarlet Letter

The Scarlet Letter

by John Cole|  July 14, 202110:37 pm| 67 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Assholes

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Tom Nichols has a long piece in the Atlantic about what a scumbag that fathead JD Vance has turned out to be. More accurately, chosen to be. At any rate, one bit of the article just made me laugh:

My friend Preet Bharara, the former U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York, tried to describe Vance recently and came up with “pathetic loser poser fake jerk,” but that is a lot of words. To distill the essence of Vance as a public figure, the word that enters my mind is an anatomical reference beginning with the letter a.

I do not use that word lightly or comfortably. I am, in the formal sense, a man of letters. I have been an officer of instruction at several institutions of higher education (and I remind you here that I do not represent any of them and speak only for myself). I would not advise my students to use the term.

This just cracks me up for several reasons. First off, intellectuals don’t need to tell people they are intellectuals. Anyone who refers to themself as a “man of letters” is more a pretentious douchebag than a, well, “man of letters.” Second, actual intellectuals have no problem using profanity, and if you doubt me go read or listen to Gil Scott Heron or George Carlin or Gore Vidal and on and on.

This faux gentility of our sophist elites, who spend their time getting the vapors if someone says fuck have more to answer for in regards to the decline of America than lead paint, and they can go piss off into the corner and have a wank. Having said that, JD Vance is an asshole, and no one should second guess themself when stating as much.

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Previous Post: « Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Shut Up, Dubya
Next Post: The Flying Beavers »

Reader Interactions

67Comments

  1. 1.

    lurker

    July 14, 2021 at 10:46 pm

    worried about the lack of comments here…

  2. 2.

    Yutsano

    July 14, 2021 at 10:48 pm

    @lurker: To be fair, how many comments do we need to agree Tom Nichols is a douche?

  3. 3.

    lurker

    July 14, 2021 at 10:48 pm

    not really much to add to the post – not willing to give clicks to an article when they are clearly late to the game.  Guess it is good they are noticing…  For various values of “they”  in this instance.

  4. 4.

    lurker

    July 14, 2021 at 10:50 pm

    @Yutsano: we are up to at least four.  Probably someone can add another amen out of boredom, or we can get someone to contribute when they drop off and achieve keyboard face.

  5. 5.

    James E Powell

    July 14, 2021 at 10:50 pm

    An awful lot of time & effort being spent on a guy who, last time I saw a poll, was holding steady in single digits.

  6. 6.

    jl

    July 14, 2021 at 10:50 pm

    Hmmm… ‘a’, huh… I had to go look for a list of adjectives that begin with ‘a’.

    Abloom
    Abiding
    Achy
    Adequate
    Aesthetical
    Affordable
    Ageless
    Austere

    I’ll keep looking…

    Edit: asinine? amoral? awful? atrocious?

  7. 7.

    justaboomer

    July 14, 2021 at 10:51 pm

    Name-dropping professor asshole unwilling to call author asshole an asshole because he must set a good example for the students at the Naval War College.

  8. 8.

    beef

    July 14, 2021 at 10:51 pm

    In Nichol’s defense: He spends an entire article calling Vance an asshole. A certain amount of theater is required to keep the repetitiveness from becoming dull.

  9. 9.

    jl

    July 14, 2021 at 10:56 pm

    Whatever ‘a’ thingee you want to call JD Vance, don’t forget to put ‘arrant’ in front of it. For precision’s sake, and words like that will give it a high tone.

  10. 10.

    Pete Mack

    July 14, 2021 at 10:59 pm

    John–
    That cracks me up too–it is supposed to be funny. I dont actually thjnk he has any trouble sayic “asshole”; all that verbiage is to emphasize that he really means it. “Methinks he doth protest too much.”

  11. 11.

    MontyTheClipArtMongoose

    July 14, 2021 at 10:59 pm

    J.D. Vance is the answer to “what if Win Butler, but racist…”.

  12. 12.

    Misterpuff

    July 14, 2021 at 11:01 pm

    Kurt Vonnegut used all the words but [crudely drawn anus *] sticks with me.

    And so it goes.

  13. 13.

    Steve in the ATL

    July 14, 2021 at 11:01 pm

    Can I blame Vance for the grand mal seizure my dog had earlier today?  Freaked me the fuck out. I think my wife suffered more than he did from it….

  14. 14.

    Craig

    July 14, 2021 at 11:06 pm

    Colonel Kurtz: We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won’ t allow them to write ‘fuck’ on their airplanes because it’s obscene!

  15. 15.

    Mary G

    July 14, 2021 at 11:16 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Scary! Hope he’s going to be OK.

    I enjoy Tom Nichols, but he’s Republican to his bones. He gets his knickers in a twist when people take off their shoes on airplanes.

    Like all never-Trumpers, I appreciate him fighting the good fight against TFG, but as soon as that war is over, he’ll be back on the enemies list, just like the USSR after WWII.

    Here’s a thread about parachuting beavers:

    I just found out that Idaho dealt with a surplus of WW2 parachutes and a nuisance beaver problem by…parachuting beavers into the backcountry.

    Somebody please commission me to write about this YES THERE’S FOOTAGE OF BEAVERS BEING FLUNG OUT OF AIRPLANES WITH TINY PARACHUTES ON
    — Lucy Sherriff (@sherrifflucy) July 10, 2021

  16. 16.

    rlc

    July 14, 2021 at 11:18 pm

    Alright I bite.  The comments before mine do not reflect at all the context of the long ideological journey Our Hero (I do not mean that ironically) has traveled.  Our Hero is John Cole.

    So Tom Nichols is a high integrity embedded in the establishment placeholder needing to advance his brand as a center right entertainment device.  By “entertainment device” I also include his teaching responsibilities, and I am again unironically asserting that that’s pretty actually important, if you want people, younger usually, to listen to what you are saying.

    Now if you have been here (BJ) from the beginning, as I have (no I did never comment), well Tom Nichols has possibly embarked on a well trodden path, the one chosen before by Our Hero a long time ago.

    The reason I was here from the beginning is that Our Hero has integrity, and the first half decade or so that integrity matching up with the evidence that I viewed through my own eyes was so… incongruent.  That caused dissonance in my own head and it was a wonder when it all sort of resolved!

    Yet there was a long time before Our Hero was fully absorbed, yeah, dissolved, into our Borg.

    And now, with this post, I find myself… less than perceptive on the journey of Tom Nichols than I should have been.

    Maybe it takes one to know one.

    Long Live Balloon-Juice!  Long Live John Cole!

    All the best.

  17. 17.

    Kay

    July 14, 2021 at 11:19 pm

    @James E Powell:

    An awful lot of time & effort being spent on a guy who, last time I saw a poll, was holding steady in single digits.

    Because fancy conservatives loved him and they’re crushed that he’s just an asshole. Turns out.
    They’re working through their grief.

    They’re poor judges of character. These are the people who believed Ken Starr was an upright an honorable person, and of course we all know (now) that was never true.

  18. 18.

    Ruckus

    July 14, 2021 at 11:23 pm

    @Craig:

    I have to say, I learned to fucking swear long before I was in the fucking navy and from conversations I had starting on day one, everyone else had as well. We were supposed to be gentlemen and ladies and not use those words though, or some bullshit like that. I believe it was called fucking polite society. Except that fucking polite society was racist, misogynistic, elitist, and a few other negative adjectives. Anyway, I’ve learned to keep my fucking swearing down quite a bit over time…

  19. 19.

    Nice Marmot

    July 14, 2021 at 11:30 pm

    Hey John, OT, but any new developments in your world with crows?

     

    Also, thanks for the lovely dismantling of Nichols’ nonsense.

  20. 20.

    Benw

    July 14, 2021 at 11:31 pm

    I’m surrounded by assholes!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHNB8IHfHdU

  21. 21.

    Mary G

    July 14, 2021 at 11:31 pm

    @Ruckus: So fucking glad you are still here!

  22. 22.

    mrmoshpotato

    July 14, 2021 at 11:32 pm

    Hahaha!

    I needed a Hubble Space Telescope image of the Sombrero galaxy so I searched on “HST sombrero” and this is what I got.

    It’s only marginally smaller than the galaxy. pic.twitter.com/KjDyYbJonQ
    — Phil Plait (@BadAstronomer) July 14, 2021

  23. 23.

    The Moar You Know

    July 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm

    He gets his knickers in a twist when people take off their shoes on airplanes.

    @Mary G: subjecting strangers in a confined space to your boot feet reek ought to be a war crime.  Kinda with him on that one.

  24. 24.

    Kay

    July 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm

    Harry Siegel
    @harrysiegel
    ·5h
    Lyn Cheney smacking away Jim Jordan’s hand on Jan. 6 as he tries to protect the “ladies” from the Capitol Building invaders, and telling him “Get away from me. You fucking did this.”

    I so hope that really happened.

  25. 25.

    Mary G

    July 14, 2021 at 11:37 pm

    @The Moar You Know: It was a guy in flip flops! His feet were already aired out. He does get pictures of horrible people who put their bare feet in other travelers’ space, which I agree is a felony.

    Here is another weird animal thread:

    Occasional reminder that Minneapolis employs 12 mussels to monitor water quality and when they find toxins, they notify their human coworkershttps://t.co/F5ilHXQMvN pic.twitter.com/SQBo9D8WjZ
    — Doug Mack (@douglasmack) July 14, 2021

  26. 26.

    guachi

    July 14, 2021 at 11:42 pm

    I’d call Vance a wanker. I don’t think he’s harmful or annoying enough to be an asshole.

    But he deserves whatever insults he gets so insult away.

  27. 27.

    sab

    July 14, 2021 at 11:45 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Has he been flea dipped lately? My old dog did that after the groomer treated his fleas.

  28. 28.

    Kay

    July 14, 2021 at 11:45 pm

    JD’s hometown newspaper on JD:

    Throughout 2016 and beyond, Vance compared Trump voters to drug addicts and described the average Trump voter as unmarried or in a failed marriage, having abandoned their faith in God, not highly educated, from fractured families, and easily lured by inspirational messages. How can we expect Vance to represent us as Ohioans when he has thumbed his nose at us in the past and parroted offensive liberal narratives?

    The author:

    State Rep. Bill Seitz is a Green Township resident and Majority Floor Leader of the Ohio House of Representatives.

  29. 29.

    ian

    July 14, 2021 at 11:48 pm

    @Mary G:

    How would the beavers get the parachutes off? That sounds like a crueler way of killing them than poison or traps.

    If the fall doesn’t kill ya, the cloth thing strapped to your back will.

  30. 30.

    Mary G

    July 14, 2021 at 11:48 pm

    Warning – link goes to FTFNYT:

    "'We don’t control conservative media figures so far as I know — at least I don’t,' Senator Mitt Romney, Republican of Utah, said in an interview on Wednesday. 'That being said, … the politicization of vaccination is an outrage and frankly moronic.'" https://t.co/PrbVWZkmRz— George Conway (@gtconway3d) July 15, 2021

    Mitt still wants his cake and to eat it too.

  31. 31.

    Craig

    July 14, 2021 at 11:48 pm

    @Ruckus: Fucking A. I learned how to swear from Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy, and I’ve definitely moderated my rate of cussing.

  32. 32.

    NotMax

    July 14, 2021 at 11:49 pm

    Depends on one’s upbringing and/or linguistic preference, I suppose. The language is chockablock with words or terms which convey a similar (or even more strident or on point) message. I choose to reserve use of the saltiest, bluest terminology for very rare occasions and not have superfluity dilute its oomph via broadness of application. YMMV.

    Anyone IRL who knows me also knows that if they hear those utterances from me it is shorthand that I’m describing quintuple red alert, waist deep with piranhas nibbling the toes territory.

  33. 33.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 14, 2021 at 11:51 pm

    @ian: They gnaw them off.  No problem.

  34. 34.

    piratedan

    July 14, 2021 at 11:53 pm

    have to still be able to appreciate the ability for an insufferable prick (Nichols) to at least have the modicum of awareness to craft an article attempting to separate himself from the irredeemably opportunistic hypocrite that Vance has proven himself to be be.  Unsure if that allows Nichols to move into a “temporary ally” status or not, but it still shows that there are occasionally some opportunities for consensus.

  35. 35.

    NotMax

    July 14, 2021 at 11:58 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus

    The clever ones look for the place to return them in order to get their deposits back.

    ;)

  36. 36.

    HumboldtBlue

    July 15, 2021 at 12:00 am

    This prissy-ass motherfucking wanker balking at using a fucking word, imagine that, a motherfucking man of letters scared to use a word.

    Fucking contumelious fumbledick.

  37. 37.

    Steve in the ATL

    July 15, 2021 at 12:01 am

    @sab: no, and this wasn’t his first, just his worst, and the first one we actually witnessed.  Scary stuff.

  38. 38.

    HumboldtBlue

    July 15, 2021 at 12:03 am

    @Mary G: ​ 
    I learned from that Unabomber dramatization that the original phrase is very old and over time we have got it backward.

    It should be eat your cake and have it too.

  39. 39.

    prostratedragon

    July 15, 2021 at 12:10 am

    A little Debussy for Bastille Day:

    String quartet excerpt, members of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra

    (Btw, the CSO is back performing live, at their summer outdoor home of Ravinia.)

    @Mary G: So there are pictures! I read about this in an article about more recent attempts to transfer or restore beaver populations out west.

  40. 40.

    CaseyL

    July 15, 2021 at 12:11 am

    @ian: They didn’t actually put the parachutes on the beavers: the beaver went into a crate, and the ‘chute was attached to the crate.  I think the crates opened automatically once they (gently) hit the ground, and the beavers simply walked out.

    I like to imagine what they told their descendants about the experience.

  41. 41.

    Gvg

    July 15, 2021 at 12:15 am

    Ehh, if you have a super nice lady mom, you never really throw off avoiding most swear words. I am not nearly as old fashioned as my mother but I have found that being known to not swear much, means that if I publicly whisper dammit, my coworkers jump to find out what is wrong, and help.

    over using swear words leaves you with no where to escalate.

    on the other side, being too prissy for your time and place loses respect and keeps you too far apart from people you might make friends with.

    I seem to be labeling a lot of people as assholes since…about 2001. I used to be pretty apolitical and could watch the news without screaming.

  42. 42.

    Mary G

    July 15, 2021 at 12:24 am

    @ian: There was somebody there taking the pictures who must have opened the boxes so I’m not sure this was as far away from civilization as claimed.

  43. 43.

    ian

    July 15, 2021 at 12:27 am

    @CaseyL:

    Thanks.  I was trying to google if beavers can stretch their necks to their backs.

  44. 44.

    Amir Khalid

    July 15, 2021 at 12:28 am

    @CaseyL:

    They didn’t actually put the parachutes on the beavers

    I am disappointed to learn this. I so wanted to imagine them landing on a riverbank like little furry paratroopers.

  45. 45.

    Jay

    July 15, 2021 at 12:30 am

    @CaseyL:

    Aliens probed me,…… I was there,….. I’m not crazy,…..

  46. 46.

    Jay

    July 15, 2021 at 12:34 am

    @Gvg:

    told a customer to f/o today.

    it’s funny,( weird). I try to do great Customer Service, but when someone crosses a line, I just snap. When I snap, every other word is Belfast Irish.

  47. 47.

    SFAW

    July 15, 2021 at 12:36 am

    Well, I’m a “man of letters,” too.

    Well, more accurately, a nom/nym of letters. Close enough, I say.

  48. 48.

    Ruckus

    July 15, 2021 at 12:42 am

    @Mary G:

    How very nice of you!

  49. 49.

    CaseyL

    July 15, 2021 at 12:43 am

    @Amir Khalid: ​
     

    I know! It would’ve been awesome!

    Guerilla beavers, slashing off their parachutes with the same knives they would use to take back their land from the human invaders…

  50. 50.

    Yutsano

    July 15, 2021 at 12:43 am

    @Jay: ​ I noticed you politely omitted the sanity of said extraterrestrial folk.

  51. 51.

    SFAW

    July 15, 2021 at 12:44 am

    @Kay:

    parroted offensive liberal narratives?

    “On Point” (NPR) was talking today about vaccination resistance, and how to overcome it. They had a couple of doctors blathering on about how people should not be confrontational with the anti-VACC-ers. Yeah, whatever. The thing that pissed me right-the-fuck off was one of them saying that part of it is anti-partisanship, which he said/implied happened on both sides. In other words: RWMFs won’t get vaccinated because libs/progs think they should (i.e., Cleek’s Law, sort-of), and libs/progs will get vaccinated because RWMFs won’t. Fucking moron. I did, however, refrain from punching the car radio.

  52. 52.

    SFAW

    July 15, 2021 at 12:49 am

    @prostratedragon:

    A little Debussy for Bastille Day:

    How abouts a little Horace Debussy Jones instead?

  53. 53.

    Ruckus

    July 15, 2021 at 12:50 am

    @Gvg:

    You obviously haven’t been in the military or worked in a machine shop. I am actually a piker when it comes to swearing, I knew people in the navy that could, and did speak using about 90% swear words. And you’d be amazed at how little swear word repetition there was per 100 words. There are swear words in every language in the world and at this point in our development, or lack thereof, I’ve found that many people in most countries in the world understand fuck, it’s meanings and usages. So the internet has been useful for more than just porn.

  54. 54.

    Steeplejack

    July 15, 2021 at 12:55 am

    I agree with Pete Mack above: Nichols is not really afraid to say asshole, he’s just floundering around trying to do an extended comic bit. Same with “man of letters” and “officer of instruction.” Robert Benchley but not funny.

  55. 55.

    JaySinWA

    July 15, 2021 at 12:59 am

    @rlc: Who will write the “enormous mendacious disembodied anus” trigger for Tom?

  56. 56.

    Martin

    July 15, 2021 at 1:35 am

    Someone I work with wrote the textbook.

    Pretty nice guy, too.

  57. 57.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 15, 2021 at 1:35 am

    @Steeplejack: Dennis Miller.

  58. 58.

    Martin

    July 15, 2021 at 1:39 am

    @Gvg:

    over using swear words leaves you with no where to escalate.

    Oh, thee of little imagination. I grew up in NYC. I can swear in several languages. I have numerous newly minted swears attributed to my name. There’s a rich vein of untapped potential.

  59. 59.

    RandomMonster

    July 15, 2021 at 2:02 am

    @Martin: Attributed to your name, or just including it?

  60. 60.

    Morzer

    July 15, 2021 at 2:10 am

    @piratedan: Tom Nichols would say, and has said on many occasions over the past few years, that we should all be grateful that he and the manly, heroic, square-jawed Never Trumpers are graciously saving feckless liberals from the Gibbering Mouther and its various parasitical attendants. Naturally, this means that even mentioning the past of Herr Doktor Perfesser Nichols and his merry band of rascals is verboten, wrong and a sure sign of an inadequate, immature and selfish mind.

  61. 61.

    rmjohnston

    July 15, 2021 at 2:12 am

    People need assholes.  No one needs JD Vance. Better to call him a douchebag.

  62. 62.

    Ruckus

    July 15, 2021 at 3:04 am

    @rmjohnston:

    Hate to inform you but just like the asshole is useful for every animal, and it is always bad to exhibit it on one’s face and connected to your mouth, a douchebag is a useful item in the world. Like a lot of words, there are often more than one meaning for asshole and douchebag. as well as degrees of conversion of things that shouldn’t be either, into things that can be both.

  63. 63.

    Kathleen

    July 15, 2021 at 3:19 am

    Deleted

  64. 64.

    Richard Grant

    July 15, 2021 at 11:33 am

    Ten paragraphs from the end of the piece after a lawyer-like summing up of the evidence that Vance is an asshole, Tom Nichols writes: “Vance has struck back at his many critics across the political spectrum by referring to them all as “degenerate liberals,” which is exactly the kind of thing a smarmy and pretentious asshole would say.”

    In short, he did say “asshole”.  Maybe he is a man of letters who used a literary device visible to those who read to the end.

  65. 65.

    catclub

    July 15, 2021 at 12:09 pm

    @HumboldtBlue: Fucking contumelious fumbledick.

     

    ignorant son of a spavined camel

  66. 66.

    catclub

    July 15, 2021 at 12:12 pm

    @Amir Khalid: Yeah, I figure the parachute was on a cage that trips open after landing.

  67. 67.

    Betsy

    July 15, 2021 at 2:28 pm

    @Pete Mack: I agree.  It’s meant to sound terribly, terribly high-toned in a dry, deliberate way — as if to accentuate that even the most tender-tongued academic (which he implies by over-emphasis that he is NOT) would be driven to use the “A word”.  It’s funny precisely because the A word is itself a rather mild term these days.

    I think he’s mocking the overly timid, too, as if to say that more people need to call things as they are.

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