Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

FFS people, this was a good thing. take the win.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickel?”

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

I also would like a pony to improve my balloon juice experience.

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

If you’re looking for someone who’s young and athletic, go watch a fucking movie.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

Russia bombs Ukraine’s maternity hospitals; Republicans in the House can’t sort out supporting Ukraine.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

Let me file that under fuck it.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Sunday Morning Open Thread: Counting Down

Sunday Morning Open Thread: Counting Down

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Sometimes one needs a little outside assistance when dealing with the extended family…


Sunday Morning Open Thread: Counting Down

And in that spirit… A gift link to Alexandra Petri’s latest Washington Post column, “Last-minute gifts for people you dislike. Don’t thank me!”:

I don’t know how to buy gifts! As far as love languages go, “gift” is a set of incomprehensible runes to me. The harder I try, the worse the gift.

Well, this year I am not going to try. Instead of a guide to potentially good gifts for people you love, here are gifts that I know will be bad and that you should not give to anyone, under any circumstances. Don’t thank me!…

George Santos Cameo: Give this year’s ultimate gift: the knowledge that, for joke reasons, you gave both money and attention to former congressman George Santos! Oh, no. I’m doing it right now!

Donation to Ron DeSantis’s Never Back Down super PAC: Do you want to light a bunch of money on fire in a way that, ironically, does not really benefit Ron DeSantis? This is a great gift if you know somebody who wants to feel as if they have benefited Ron DeSantis, but you want to make sure that doesn’t happen!

What a specific scenario! This gift guide is going poorly…

X subscription: Buy the badge that signals to people on the internet that you are voluntarily paying for access to X, a worse Twitter full of hate speech, death threats and conspiracy theories! This badge lets people know that this person and their money are soon parted!…

A day of falconry with Robert Kennedy: This is a real experience that is actually being made available to people and is probably not lethal. That’s probably about the highest recommendation I can give it. Give someone on your list a gift that says, “When I heard RFK Jr. is offering the chance to go falconing with him, or have an equivalent indoor experience, you immediately sprang to mind!” A gift that is also an insult…

Reader Interactions

185Comments

  1. 1.

    OzarkHillbilly

    Other than some blown glass from Astral Glass in New Haven, I don’t buy gifts. I give cash. I don’t accept gifts either, because I can almost guarantee whatever a person gives me, I don’t want. If I did want it, I’d already have it.

  2. 2.

    Shalimar

    I really want to get an X subscription for a particular someone.  It’s the gift that says “I know you’re the type of asshole who will actually want this, but also that you’re so cheap and selfish that there is no way you would pay for it yourself.”

  6. 6.

    lowtechcyclist

    The jackaltariat must be doing some serious sleeping in, this morning. :-)

    ETA: So naturally, in the time it took me to type that and hit ‘send,’ not one but two jackals chime in!

  9. 9.

    Rusty

    Thankfully the youngest in the house is 15, so maybe not a chainsaw for him but it could work for everyone else.  Between yesterday morning and now, got a tree (the only advantage of being so late is the tree was marked down to $35!), put it up, decorated it, did a massive food shop at two different stores and cleaned the house.  Today is singing at two services, 4th advent and Christmas Eve,  wrap the few presents I have, maybe find a few more, and figure out the stocking.  We might make it!

  11. 11.

    JMG

    Because I am a horrendous package wrapper, I try to buy gifts that don’t require much if any wrapping, or at least are in totally rectangular smallish boxes. As I’ve posted, my gift to my wife is a membership in an art museum. Comes in its own envelope. Perfect!

  12. 12.

    Betty Cracker

    Enjoying a second cup of coffee before I spring into action. We’ve got 16 people coming over for an afternoon feast, including two family members who have been feuding by text and proxy for months and will meet in meat space for the first time here. That should be fun!

  17. 17.

    lowtechcyclist

    @Betty Cracker: ​
     

    That should be fun!

    For certain values of fun. Good luck!

    Most of the crew at our Christmas dinner is seriously evangelical and Republican (but I repeat myself), so I’ve thought about how to navigate the minefield. I figure if anyone says anything provocative, I’ll suggest we avoid controversial topics at the dinner table, and beyond if possible. I’ll give ’em two warnings like that if need be. The third time…well, I’m a lot more familiar with their territory than they are with mine, and I won’t be shy about exploiting my advantage.

  20. 20.

    Ken

    I laughed at the cat in the tree, then I thought a moment and got upset someone tied a cat to a tree, then I thought maybe the cat got tangled itself which made it funny again….

  21. 21.

    mrmoshpotato

    @Betty Cracker:

    two family members who have been feuding by text and proxy for months and will meet in meat space for the first time here. That should be fun! 

    You’ll be good enough to let us know if anything particular nasty happens, right? 😁

  22. 22.

    Nukular Biskits

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    Other than some blown glass from Astral Glass in New Haven, I don’t buy gifts. I give cash. I don’t accept gifts either, because I can almost guarantee whatever a person gives me, I don’t want. If I did want it, I’d already have it.

    I empathize … but I also live in a reality where gift-giving is an inviolable and integral part of the holiday. So I do make the effort for a few in my life, especially the grandbabies.

    I’m also a sucker for giving “gag” gifts in which I’ve hidden cash.  Last year was cookie tins full of charcoal (couldn’t find actual coal, so I included a note that said, “Santa said you were so naughty, you didn’t even deserve coal!”) with a $100 bill at the bottom (in a plastic bag).

    I’m also at the point in my life where I want for nothing and, if I do, I generally can just go buy it myself.  That doesn’t sit well with others, though, who insist I MUST give them some ideas as to what I’d like to receive.

    That being said, those gifts in which someone put a lot of time and effort into creating are the ones I generally hold in high regard.  For example, although it wasn’t a Christmas present, I once received my own “album cover”, complete with a list of tracks (which were mostly work-related inside jokes).  That was and continues to be a treasured gift.

  23. 23.

    Nukular Biskits

    @Rusty:

    The advantage to waiting to the week or so before Christmas to get decorations is great discounts.

    The disadvantage is the selection is, more often than not, very limited.

    Most stores have gotten pretty good at predicting demand, IMHO.  My local Lowe’s & Home Depots have already relegated all their remaining Christmas decorations to less than a single aisle.

  24. 24.

    Phylllis

    @JMG: I used to do a pretty good job at wrapping-years of working in retail at Christmas. Now I embrace my deteriorated skills. I only wrap presents for little kids who don’t care what it looks like-they want to get to the ripping.

  25. 25.

    Suzanne

    Today’s agenda includes wrapping all the gifts (ehhhhh), prepping the roast for tomorrow, setting the table. And maybe Die Hard?

    Maybe taking the pupper to the dog park again? It isn’t especially close by. I wrote to my councilman last night.

  28. 28.

    Phylllis

    @Nukular Biskits: My husband reverts to little boy at Christmas, and wants something under the tree. This year he gets new sweatpants and the fancy Nivea aftershave he likes. His real present, a new artist portfolio, will appear magically under the tree sometime during the night.

  29. 29.

    Nukular Biskits

    @lowtechcyclist:

    I figure if anyone says anything provocative, I’ll suggest we avoid controversial topics at the dinner table, and beyond if possible. I’ll give ’em two warnings like that if need be. The third time…well, I’m a lot more familiar with their territory than they are with mine, and I won’t be shy about exploiting my advantage.

    That begs the question as to why “liberals” (however you wish to define that) seem to always be the ones who have to keep social/family gatherings from devolving into partisan screaming matches.

    Friday, I went to get my hair cut and ran into a former coworker who retired nearly 15 years ago.  He’s a rabidly partisan Republican (and, no, I’m not exaggerating) and a couple of times during the otherwise pleasant conversation about the goings/comings of other coworkers, he tried to work in snide commentary about Democrats.  I just deflected them and kept the conversation moving.

    Why do some folks really get off on doing that in mixed company?

  31. 31.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    Laura Lynch of the Dixie Chicks was killed in a car crash yesterday. RIP, Laura.

    I admire the Chicks more for having the courage of their political convictions than for their music, though I do like “Goodbye, Earl.” (I once told one of my grad students that I liked that song, to which he answered, “I knew you would.” I didn’t know how to take that.)

  32. 32.

    Betty Cracker

    I mopped the floor, and now Badger is leaping from rug to furniture to rug to avoid getting his precious toe-beans damp. He’s a fastidious little weirdo. Meanwhile, Pete just lumbers around as usual, leaving paw prints, the slob. If I’d have waited to get to know them better before naming them, they’d be Felix and Oscar.

  34. 34.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Nukular Biskits: I remember too many times opening a gift and thinking “WTF am I going to do with this?” and looking up at 2 expectant eyes that had searched long and hard for the perfect gift for me and then trying to fake joy at receiving this thing (and failing abysmally at it) and feeling guilty at letting them down or hurting their feelings. I just got off the merry go round after Ma died.

    I am fortunate to have found my wife. She understands, or at least accepts it. I did warn her very early in our dating.

    I did make one gag gift that I was rather proud of for a friend. I can’t remember what he did to inspire me to make it but it must have been pretty evil. I made a wooden box with a simple lock on it (easy to pick). Than I put in a spring loaded floor in it, suppressed that floor and filled it with uncooked popcorn. It wasn’t easy to get it shut while fully loaded but I did manage it. Locked it and threw away the key. Then I painted “Pandora’s” on the top. The popcorn had a very intriguing and mysterious rattle. Just enough to make one wonder. But the warning on the top…

    He cursed me for years. I miss Walter terribly.

  37. 37.

    Nukular Biskits

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    LOL! That’s a good one.

    One year, someone had a little kiosk set up at the local mall for wrapping presents.  They also had a neat little gizmo for sealing smaller gifts in tin cans that looked like the real thing.

    I opted to put a piece of jewelry in an old-fashioned Hershey’s cocoa tin with enough tissue paper to keep it from banging around.  IIRC, I then wrapped it and put it under the tree.

    The recipient was not amused at getting a can of Hershey’s cocoa.

  40. 40.

    BlueGuitarist

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:

    I do like “Goodbye, Earl.” (I once told one of my grad students that I liked that song, to which he answered, “I knew you would.” I didn’t know how to take that.)

    take is as a compliment!

  41. 41.

    eclare

    @Nukular Biskits:

    I think they are in such a RWNJ bubble that they automatically think that everyone agrees with them.  A few months ago I asked my cousin where his son was thinking about going to college, innocuous enough I thought.  He mentioned a few colleges and then said his son was getting lots of mail from the service academies because no one wants to join the Army because it’s too woke.  He just presented that as fact, assuming that I agreed.

    I kept the peace and said nothing.

  48. 48.

    Rusty

    @Scamp Dog: I’m a tenor.  For years are various churches I was the only tenor.  My current church has 5 tenors which is glorious (especially since one used to sing semi- professionally).  Oddly, we are short on sopranos.

  54. 54.

    Trivia Man

    @Scamp Dog: Not Rusty, but I’ll answer anyway. I’m a tenor currently singing with a Unitarian choir. Our solstice service was yesterday and we had a variety of simple pieces themed around light or ‘ready for what comes next’.
    The Way Is Clear, May I Be Empty, Let the Spirit Come To You, Awake the Sacred Fire…

    In a different congregation a few years back we did a solstice service all themed with “darkness”. In the Bleak Midwinter was the highlight.
    I don’t mind singing religious music, some of it is very interesting to sing. Especially Xmas stuff, somehow even the doctrinal content feels more pop culture to me. Sometimes I worry that my art will contribute to someone’s spiritual awakening. GOD WAS IN THE MUSIC and descend into religious fanaticism because “music” can be interpreted as “Holy Spirit “ easily. And no doubt that’s why it’s used. But as Thomas Jefferson (maybe) said, “the care of each man’s soul belongs to himself.”

  55. 55.

    Shalimar

    @Ken: I am not sure how you would tie a cat to a tree without massive amounts of blood everywhere, so I am guessing it got up there on it’s own.

  56. 56.

    Nukular Biskits

    @eclare:

    I keep seeing the same nonsense (i.e., military can’t meet its recruiting goals because of “wokeness”) from my senior US Senator, Roger Wicker.

    The very idea that a robust economy gives young people ample other opportunities for careers than one in the services is something they just simply can’t acknowledge, so they invent an outright lie.

  59. 59.

    p.a.

    I have considered the “a gift in your name has been made to Planned Parenthood” gift to my fascist cousins, but I just absent myself from their presence instead.

    And yes, I do donate to PP.

  61. 61.

    Nukular Biskits

    @p.a.:

    I have considered the “a gift in your name has been made to Planned Parenthood” gift to my fascist cousins, but I just absent myself from their presence instead.

    The gift-giving version of “Well, bless your heart!”

  62. 62.

    Trivia Man

    @Rusty: I thought an alto was just a soprano who can read music? Ask them to sing soprano!

    (ducking from sopranos throwing hymnals)

  65. 65.

    Trivia Man

    @p.a.: For a while, every time my mother outraged me with something like “Hilary believes in legal abortion of healthy babies up to birth” I gave $20 to PP in her name and told her I did it. She never stopped but I ran out of steam and just set up a monthly donation.

  66. 66.

    EmbraceYourInnerCrone

    @OzarkHillbilly: had not heard of Astral glass. May have to check them out. I feel the same about gifts and as I am downsizing I do t like getting gifts I can not use or fit in a small apartment but I don’t want to hurt peoples feelings.  Ugh…

  67. 67.

    comrade scotts agenda of rage

    Tonight it’s lights at the Zoo, a War-On-Xmas-Eve tradition with my wife after our move back to Denver.  We can easily walk to it.  The botanic gardens also has an amazing light extravaganza but the entire experience is the very definition of bougie whereas the Zoo is very diverse with gobs more children (which are the prime bit of entertainment).

  77. 77.

    Spanky

    @WaterGirl:

    You have no complaint

    You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t

    So listen up buster, and listen up good

    Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

  81. 81.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @EmbraceYourInnerCrone: You won’t be sorry. They have the ovens in the shop and blow glass behind very large windows so people can watch. It’s really beautiful stuff. I generally get Xmas ornaments for the season as most people put up trees. Usually $25-40. Plus they are good people. Complement me every time I wear my Make Racism Wrong Again hat.

    I think I make this exception to my general rule as much because I want to support them as any other reason.

  88. 88.

    Nukular Biskits

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    They have the ovens in the shop and blow glass behind very large windows so people can watch. It’s really beautiful stuff. I generally get Xmas ornaments for the season as most people put up trees.

    That would make for an awesomely-decorated tree.

    I think I mentioned this a few days ago, but there’s a place in the Spanish Village Art Center in Balboa Park, San Diego, called Designs in Shell.  The artist there takes various eggs (chicken, turkey, ostrich, etc) and makes all kinds of stuff out of them, including some of the most beautiful ornaments I’ve ever seen.  I’d love to have enough to do a whole tree but that would get a little pricey.

    [edit]  One of his latest creations is a Cinderella carriage.  It’s not currently on his webpage but I do have a photo of it.

  89. 89.

    TBone

    @p.a.: I just love that in so many ways!  It brings out my inner Wednesday Addams and I’m putting that in my Christmas cards to the Rumpy neighbors whose children are in the Hitler Youth.

  90. 90.

    narya

    @OzarkHillbilly: More seriously, if I do give gifts, I prefer them to be consumables, so, sure, if you were nearby? You’d be getting one.

    Even when I visited my parents in October, I basically emptied out my mom’s freezer and then refilled it with meals or partial meals (e.g., minestrone that just needed broth added; eggplant that had been breaded and baked and just needed sauce and cheese; banana muffins). I try to do that every visit, and I coached my nephew to do likewise for Christmas, since I won’t be there.

  96. 96.

    satby

    Just got the best Christmas present ever. Some may remember my mentioning the horrible accident that killed my cousin’s son two years ago. That sent my cousin on a horrible spiral of drinking, not eating, and severe depression culminating in liver failure. He stopped drinking, but too late. Anyway, my sister just let me know he’s in surgery right now for a liver transplant. Fingers crossed he makes it. He became a first time grandfather this year and is only 60.

  97. 97.

    Brachiator

    Good morning and Happy Holidays.

    One tradition I enjoy is Christmas tamales.

    Here is a sweet news segment on people standing in line to get their masa.

  100. 100.

    Joey Maloney

    Ho ho ho from the Holy Land, where December 24th and 25th are just another workday. Today I went to the grocery store, the butchers, the clinic and the pharmacy and all were just normally busy with no extra crowds. Nobody snarled at me and the light rail was no more packed than usual.

    10 months ago I adopted a street cat – not a feral, he was lost or abandoned – that showed up in my garden all bedraggled and sick. I named him Charlie. Now his coat is long and glossy, his eyes are bright, and he tips the scale at just shy of 7 kilograms. I have rechristened him Charlemagne.

  103. 103.

    UncleEbeneezer

    Thanks Everyone for all the Birthday love. It was a pretty fabulous day. We started with a delicious breakfast with our good friend Jeannie, at her partner Randy’s amazing restaurant Gutiz.

    In the afternoon we went for a couples massage at the Living Spa which was great though the steam room was out of commission, there wasn’t enough hot water for the post-massage showers and we were a bit pressed for time. But all in all it was a great treat and on a day when everything was working and we didn’t have a tight schedule, it would be a very cool place to hang and worth the $.

    After that we met Jeannie again for drinks and delicious dinner at Lamberts. And then we went to see the final performance of the Retro Nutcracker by Ballet Taos. It was a really fun version with costumes like Barbie, Mr. Potatohead, Gumby/Pokey, Pink Ladies (Grease) and lots of other cool stuff. The dancers who played Clara, The Nutcracker, the Arabian Coffee, Dew Drop, The Cavalier, and the Sugar Plum Fairy were all pretty superb.

    While we were watching the ballet it even began to snow!!

    Today we are going to visit The Pueblo to see the famous Pueblo Indian Christmas Eve Procession. It is a sacred celebration and no pictures are allowed so we are really excited to get a chance to witness it in person.  Our hostess from the spa (who was very sweet and stunningly beautiful) will be dancing for the first time in one of the bigger dances.

  109. 109.

    Miss Bianca

    @Betty Cracker:

    If I’d have waited to get to know them better before naming them, they’d be Felix and Oscar.

    LOL!

    ETA: I love the continuing saga of Badger and Pete.

  112. 112.

    Subsole

    @Nukular Biskits:

    I know. It’s like this compulsive verbal tic.

    I guess they feel if they provoke you into an argument they can say liberals are weak and emotional, unlike their coldly logical reality-based viewpoint. Or if you ask them to stop they can feel smug about how they are fearless and tough and unafraid to make the hard calls and be cruel and badass like the world and unlike your soft emotionalism. And if you let it slide, well, then you’re just a pussy.

    Basically, it is a way of saying “me strong, you weak.” Because that’s all they fucking comprehend. Which is kind of a sad, clown-ass way to stumble through life, I guess.

    This is all, of course, insane.

     

    We have to keep the peace because Liberal is coded feminine, and women are the peace-weavers. Because America is a clown-ass country full of cornball people.

  113. 113.

    Subsole

    @eclare:

    If America ever fucks up badly enough to put me in charge, my first act as benevolent philosopher-despot is going to be shipping every last one of these chuds off to boot camp for six weeks. Let ’em go soak in all that woke.

  114. 114.

    Subsole

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:

    I’d take it as a compliment. I mean, it’s about women helping each other get free of a scumbag, abusive husband. It’s women fighting back. It’s about a kind of strength.

  117. 117.

    Scout211

    Happy Eve of Christmas to all jackals who celebrate.  And if you don’t celebrate, happy day off tomorrow!

    Pro-tip for jackals with feuding guests for dinner: more than one dinner table.  Better yet, several tables with distance between them.  The feuding relatives sometimes like to be in others’ faces but more often will choose separate tables to get away from each other.

  122. 122.

    Miss Bianca

    @Subsole: I suppose a level stare and a “why don’t you shut the fuck up with that shit before someone mistakes you for a fascist asshole” is right out as a response?

  123. 123.

    Scout211

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:Laura Lynch of the Dixie Chicks was killed in a car crash yesterday. RIP, Laura.

    I’ve been a Dixie Chicks fan for years and I’d never heard of Laura Lynch.  She left the group before Natalie Maine’s joined them and they released all their big hits.  It was good to read about their early history and her contributions in their beginning.

  125. 125.

    Another Scott

    @Nukular Biskits: It’s a tribal thing.  He’s your friend, therefore you’re in the same tribe and believes the same things you do.

    A colleague at work is always friendly and quick with a gentle joke.  An amazing person in many ways – literally donated a kidney to a guy in a different department about 10 years ago.

    But he’s also a RWNJ and was recently complaining about how Fairfax County VA has really gone down hill and how people are moving away because the schools are so “woke” now (not sure if he used that word, but that was the gist).  We quickly changed the subject.

    People are weird.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  126. 126.

    eclare

    @Miss Bianca:

    Note:  another reason I said nothing to my RWNJ cousin is he is a very successful litigator, been involved in some big trials here.  I do not want to argue with him, even though I’m right.

  129. 129.

    Subsole

    @Miss Bianca:

    Eh. I don’t know what a good response is.

    I guess just ask them what they expect to accomplish?

    Like, “Buddy, are you trying to change my mind with this? Or are you just trying to make yourself feel better?”

    Mr. Twain once said that nothing has more power against evil than laughter. I find boredom is a pretty good second resort, if you cannot muster a laugh.

  132. 132.

    Miss Bianca

    @Subsole: It’s too bad that wearing wrist watches has gone out of fashion. A yawn and an “oh, gee, look, must be time to talk about something I actually care about,” with a pointed glance at a wrist watch, might get the point across.

  134. 134.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Subsole: ​ When somebody pulls that shit on me (those who know me don’t) I just tell them they are a fragile little snowflake WATB. That usually leaves them stuttering.

  136. 136.

    gene108

    @satby:

    That is wonderful!

    I had a kidney transplant five years ago. I’m not sure how much it is like liver transplant, but it took me months to feel back to normal. Fair bit of pain post surgery, and lots of fatigue as the body recovers.

    Hope he can be patient with himself as he recovers. It will take time.

    Biggest thing that I had to keep track of was all the new medications I was on and when I should take them. I had to make a checklist each day, and check them off as I took them.

    I was told to walk to reduce scar tissue build up or move in general, but the distances I could walk without getting tired were very short post surgery. I spent a lot of time in bed resting the first few weeks. My body needed the rest.

  139. 139.

    Nukular Biskits

    @Another Scott:

    People are indeed weird.

    I have very strong opinions (as probably most folks do), but I seldom, if ever, air them in a public forum that isn’t related to politics/cultural issues.

    In other words, I don’t make a habit of pointing out GOP hypocrisy when I engage folks in polite small talk.

  141. 141.

    Gvg

    @Shalimar: yep, they do it fairly often, judging by years of internet content. Cats and Christmas trees are a funny google every year. I have not put a tree up for years but when I did, one year I lucked on to a very large cheap tree when I was poor and working nights. I came home and realized the tree had eyes and was looking at me. A bit of a shock but I recovered.
    My cat at the time was sleeping in it. It was a really nice, well balanced tree, and not wobbly at all. Easy to put up as well. Most trees want to lean. After that I always attached the tree top to a ceiling hoop with fish line that didn’t show. Tree could not tip, didn’t matter if a cat climbed.

    Cats get tangled in the light cords. If you have cats pay attention to how you drape the lights.

  146. 146.

    kalakal

    The most evil present idea I ever heard of was one that required you to be very rich and to really hate someone.

    A $25,000 voucher towards a Bugatti ( or some other insanely expensive car) .

    You’ve given some poor sod $25,000.

    In order to use it they have to spend $250,000

  151. 151.

    WaterGirl

    @gene108: I missed your transplant!  That’s so wonderful!   And here I have been worrying about you for an extra 5 years!  So glad to know that you are no longer waiting.  It seems like all the waiting and not knowing must be impossibly hard.

  152. 152.

    narya

    @OzarkHillbilly: Hmm. Maybe add an apple galette . . . or something with chocolate. I tend to ask people for a “theme” for desserts: chocolate? fruit? lemon? (I separate lemon and other fruits, because I have a good friend for whom lemon reads “savory,” so we never get lemon desserts when we go out to dinner together.) One of my personal favorites is gingerbread, but not everyone shares that.

  153. 153.

    Matt McIrvin

    @eclare:

    I think they are in such a RWNJ bubble that they automatically think that everyone agrees with them.

    I think they like the idea of emotionally hurting us just a little. Like a bully who gives you a punch in the stomach in passing every day.

  160. 160.

    Subsole

     

     

    @Miss Bianca: It may. But they’ll chalk it as a win because you’re annoyed.

    It is basically just a type of bullying.

    First rule: letting them get to you is letting them win.

    Implying they are insecure or dissatisfied flips it around on them. They are small, they are lacking, they are weak.

  162. 162.

    Subsole

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    That works too.

    I think the main thing is to flip it around on them and make them seem like they are trying to impress you, or that they are doing it out of weakness.

  166. 166.

    Miss Bianca

    @Subsole: All right – glance at the wristwatch and say, “oh, look – time for you to stop being such a whiny-ass snowflake who’s so triggered by ‘the woke’.”

    Better? >: >

    ETA: Patented Evil Willow “Bored now” to give it an extra kick. (with or without the flaying that accompanies it in BtVS.)

  167. 167.

    cmorenc

    @JMG:

    Bad package wrapper, too, but my bad methods are so colorfully distinctive that I revel in it – there’s no mistaking which wrapped gifts under the tree are from me!

    Back in the days of print Sunday newspapers, I would save up the color comic page sections to use as my Christmas wrapping paper.  For better or worse, the days of hard-copy Sunday newspapers (especially with lush multi-page special comic sections) are long gone.

  171. 171.

    Nukular Biskits

    @Soprano2:

    If there is one thing that really pisses me off, is retailers stocking up on holiday-specific merchandise months ahead of the actual holiday.

    Down here, Lowe’s, et al, had Christmas stuff for sale IN SEPTEMBER!

    There ought to be a federal law …

  172. 172.

    wjca

    @Miss Bianca: I suppose a level stare and a “why don’t you shut the fuck up with that shit before someone mistakes you for a fascist asshole” is right out as a response?

    But perhaps a delicately phrased: “Oh, I’m so sorry you are caught up in such a pathetic view!”  Being viewed as pathetic really hits them where they live.

  177. 177.

    Another Scott

    New York Times Pitchbot
    @DougJBalloon

    6h

    It’s a Wonderful Life, Donald

    Bankrupt and possibly headed for jail, Trump may feel like jumping off a bridge right now. But the Clarence who saves him won’t be an angel.

    by Maureen Dowd
    Dec 24, 2023 · 1:11 PM UTC

    New York Times Pitchbot
    @DougJBalloon
    6h

    Every time a bell rings, a Supreme Court Justice gets on a private plane

    [ snort! ]

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  178. 178.

    The Kropenhagen Interpretation

    @Ken: then I thought a moment and got upset someone tied a cat to a tree

    Have you ever met a cat before?

  179. 179.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Ken: When you see cats in absurd positions like that it’s near certain they got into them intentionally.

    Our cats are actually pretty good about not climbing on real cut trees (but they do drink its water and pull the ornaments off the low branches), but we have an artificial one we used a couple of times that they basically treat as a cat jungle gym, gradually destroying it in the process.

  181. 181.

    lowtechcyclist

    @Nukular Biskits:

    If there is one thing that really pisses me off, is retailers stocking up on holiday-specific merchandise months ahead of the actual holiday.

    Down here, Lowe’s, et al, had Christmas stuff for sale IN SEPTEMBER!

    Dead thread, but yeah. Around here, Halloween stuff was everywhere by early to mid August, but Christmas stuff started supplanting it in early October.  And my wife and I saw Valentine’s Day merch in Dollar Tree yesterday.

  183. 183.

    sab

    @Matt McIrvin: Our gorgeous huge fiber optic tree only survived two years because of the cats: two or three of tjem at a time swattimg at each other halfway up the tree.

    They ignore the non-fiber optic replacement because the fake snow on its branches smells weird.

  184. 184.

    Soprano2

    @Trivia Man: Who told you this? It’s a popular misconception that people are in the soprano section because they can’t read music. That’s not true – they’re in that section because of their voice! I’m in the alto section now because I’m older and my voice got lower. I can assure you my music reading ability didn’t get better when I started singing alto.

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