I’m in the middle of colonoscopy prep- nothing to eat since early last night, as I had an ultrasound this morning, and I took my first of two doses of some terrible solution a couple hours ago and am now awaiting the inevitable. I figure all I have to do is take to the blog and say “it’s not working yet” so the floodgates will open- sort of the light a cigarette so your food arrives scenario for you olds who remember when you were allowed to smoke in restaurants.
In other news, I have gallstones, so that’s going to require some surgical procedure or another.
Getting old sucks.
raven
I hope you did the low fiber diet,
Ohio Mom
I also have gallstones but they have yet to make a peep. It was an incidental finding of a CT scan for something else (happily, a false alarm).
I try to remember that if I ever double over in pain, it probably will be the gallstones and not a heart attack.
The only thing I can say about colonoscopies is that when they are over, I feel very virtuous for having taken care of myself.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@Ohio Mom: And the worst is over before you actually go in for the procedure.
Phein64
I had one giant gallstone in 2012, removed laparoscopically. In the aftermath, I was one of the few who had serious post-lap choly IBS-D symptoms. Just great, I thought. My wife calls me Mr. One Percent, and not because I’m rich, but because if only 1% of patients report bad side effects from anything, that’s me. It took many years to discover that what I really had was serious lactose intolerance that was triggered/revealed/whatever by the gallbladder removal. So, life’s rich pageant goes on. Be prepared for anything, and don’t jump to conclusions.
Anne Laurie
Gallstones are one of the predictable side effects of going from a very-low-fat diet to an ‘eating more fat cuz I’m on vacation & surrounded by delicious Mexican food’ diet (even if you’re exercising enough to still be dropping weight!)…
Good news — they can remove your gallbladder through a few tiny incisions, these days. Probably as an outpatient procedure, though they’ll insist somebody else drive you home.
Doug R
My brother died of metastasized colon cancer a few decades ago, so every 7 years or so I get the camera.
That gallon jug of solution? What FUN!!!
Anne Laurie
I’m guessing your gall bladder was breaking down the fat-borne lactose, while you still had it. And quite possibly that ‘giant gallstone’ was the result of that good work.
eclare
I had my gallbladder taken out years ago. I checked in to the hospital around noon and was home by nine pm. I barely touched the pain pills, but I did take advantage of the two weeks off of work, which was way more than I needed!
So there are non-scary experiences out there.
David 🏀Caitlin Clark🏀 Koch
When I did mine, I actually called up the doctor and asked if there was something wrong because “it’s not working yet”. then the flood gates opened. make sure to use an adult diaper cuz you’re not gonna make it to the throne every time the feeling hits.
prostratedragon
Good luck with the gallstones, John. Wonderful that there srd these minimally invasive procedures now.
@Doug R: Apart from something that came along in 2016, I’ve never looked as balefully at anything as at that jug about halfway through.
Phein64
@Anne Laurie: May well have been. After the removal, I developed liver stones, which were way more painful than the gallstone, and harder to get rid of (4 lithotripsies). Can’t tolerate lots of fatty foods any more.
Ohio Mom
@prostratedragon: That jug has made me cry twice (well, different jugs, different years).
RepubAnon
Yes, colonoscopy is one of those things that confirm the meme that getting old is too tough for the young.
Stock up on Lime Jello beforehand. (Nothing with red dyes.)
lowtechcyclist
Hell, I’m old enough that I remember when people were allowed to smoke everywhere, and it you didn’t like it, well tough. I remember when the stewardesses on airline flights handed out miniature cigarette packs (had 3 or 4 cigs in each pack) to passengers before takeoff.
We’ve come a long way, baby.
NotMax
FYI.
Call ’em Gaul stones.
;)
raven
@lowtechcyclist: I was flying from Phoenix to Chicago in 70 and had a lb in each of the pockets of my motorcycle jacket and smoked a joint in the head on the plane!
zhena gogolia
I hope it all goes “smoothly.”
I always like the feeling you have after the colonoscopy.
frosty
@raven:
Good lord! Living dangerously!!
SteveinPHX
@raven: It would be fun tradin’ stories some day, but not here, not now.
You take care!
NotMax
@raven
Basic misunderstanding of the term “head shop?”
:)
khead
I just (2.5 weeks ago) got a new hip! Unfortunately it wasn’t like in Star Trek IV where McCoy gave that nice lady a pill and she grew a new kidney… but I am a little amazed I only spent a little over 12 hours total in the specialty hospital and slept in my own bed that night.
Chris T.
I remember a comedian talking about how airplanes had a “no smoking” light, but none of them had a “no shooting up heroin” light, because—wait for it—at least heroin junkies could wait a few hours before their next fix!
CaseyL
The last time I had a colonoscopy, the prep was…not awful. Never fun, never pleasant, but that time it wasn’t awful. I don’t know if I’ve simply had enough of them by now that I’m getting used to it or what. (They find polyps every time, which keeps me on a three-year schedule.)
@Chris T.: Having had a few nicotine fits in my life, I can identify with that!
Oh, boy, I remember when you could smoke anywhere. My freshman year in college, I’d sit by a window in the back of the classroom, open the window, and flick my ashes out that way while smoking during class.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“Getting old sucks.”
The alternative sucks a lot more. Good luck with the purge, may you make it to where you need to be when you need to be there most!
I had to take Stewie Cat to his annual today, his first visit since his November dental appointment where he earned four stars (out of five possible) next to his name. The vet thought the morphine had taken hold and switched on the electric razor to shave an arm for the IV. The switch may have well been attached to the cat…lol!
This visit was the same doc and he remembered Stewie well, as I assume Stewie did when he looked at him and growled a bit. I kept the cat under control at one end while the doc inspected the other. He was a bit noisier at the rear but the doc let him go without going full-metal alien on him. Two shots, a little more growl and back in the cage with no blood shed nor more stars! Good news is that Stewie lost 1.6 lbs. since his November visit, putting him at 14.8 lbs. and only .8 lbs. from where the doc wants him. The doc was impressed and wanted to know what I did. I told him that I cut his treats by one-third (yes, I count them!).
Got home and Chuckie Cat thinks Stewie is the enemy because he smells like cats and dogs. He’s currently inside trying to convince me he will be good if he comes out. Three fails so far so in it is. Stewie is napping in the shop and this will pass as we go through it every time Morty or Stewie go to the vet.
Chuckie has his turn coming next month. He’s a two star cat!
Wag
The only positive thing about a colonoscopy prep is that for one day, if someone accuses you of being full of shit, you can smile and say “No, not today!”
Princess
Last time I had a colonoscopy, I didn’t have to drink the gallon of crap. I was told to do basically this prep, all over-the-counter stuff, and MUCH MUCH easier. And it, um, worked. You have to be more restrictive with what you eat more days beforehand but still. Worth it. My only problem was I discovered I had an allergy to gatorade half way through and wasn’t sure if it was the gatorade or the miralax.
https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/-/media/pdfs/adult-pdfs/conditions-and-services/cancer/colonoscopy/colonoscopy-miralax-and-diets_english.pdf
Raven
@Wag: I have been sober for so long the only buzz I’ve had is a colonoscopy!
NotMax
@Chris T.
James Earl Jones don’t want none of them namby-pamby “light” smokes.
:)
mvr
I Identify with both conditions in your post. Just had the both ends version of a colonoscopy two months ago, followed by swallowing a camera and also some heart testing action with all sorts of gadgets. Have hit my yearly stop loss limit on the insurance and burned through my healthcare savings account as well. And still need a dental implant that is not covered. But yes, the prep is the worst part even given all that.
As for the results, now that they no longer use fentanyl for colonoscopies around here I am told I am no longer as amusing as I used to be on the drive home from the gastroenterologist’s office post op. Still no problems showed up besides the usual polyps in the entirety of my digestive tract (that’s what the camera was for) so that’s good news. OTOH I was informed as a result of my heart MRI that I have a gallstone. It seems the remedy is removing the gall bladder, but I think this is the second time I was told of this lone gallstone in perhaps five years and it has given me no trouble. Not sure I want to lose an organ over it, especially when one of my colleagues had the same operation go sideways. And my dad nearly died 35 years ago after the same operation. So we will see whether the gallstone is worth attending to after I do some more consulting with medical personnel.
So, yes, I empathize.
NotMax
You’re not old, dude. Heck, you’re barely coming within first sighting of old adjacent.
;)
mrmoshpotato
@NotMax: I’ll trade you for it.
Marc
I’ve been getting annual colonoscopies for 25 years. The experience these days is much more pleasant than it was in the beginning. The prep is easier with less nasty stuff to drink and they no longer keep me awake (or they give me stuff so I can’t remember being awake, which is nearly as good). The one thing I learned early on: don’t schedule the procedure for late afternoon or you will hate yourself by lunch time.
Origuy
I’m at my sister’s in Indiana; my brother-in-law starts the prep tomorrow. He also has diabetes, which was a result of exposure to something in Saudi during Desert Storm. It took years for the Army to admit he was partially disabled from it.
We saw the eclipse today, almost completely clear skies. They were closing off roads expecting hordes of people coming in, but there wasn’t any horde that we heard about. My niece and her family came over for dinner. Two boys, 5 and 2, ran wild but they’re good kids. She and the boys’ father are planning to get married and my sister and BIL shared the wedding photos with them. That was fun reliving that.
Tomorrow my sister and I are going down to Bloomington to see our parents’ grave. Dad died March 2020 and I haven’t been there since before he went into assisted living. Stop a few other places for old times’ sake.
NotMax
@mrmoshpotato
Somehow a small trunk filled with baseball memorabilia from the 30s and 40s and early 50s filtered down from a distant semi-relation to me. Hundreds upon hundreds of baseball cards and included balls signed by the entire roster of the Yankees spanning various years.
Never being a follower of baseball, stashed it in the basement Disappeared or was left behind during a move when I was yet non-adult.
Same fate befell stacks of ten cent comic books (of which I was a fan).
C’est la vie.
Old School
It’s too late to help you this time, but I’ve been advised to drink the pre-colonoscopy beverage with a straw to help avoid the foul taste.
Trivia Man
@Phein64: Mrs Trivia is constantly being told “Wow! That’s Unusual – I’ve never seen a reaction (or sensitivity or presentation…) like that before. So in response we always buy a lottery ticket that day. If we can beat the odds… let’s beat the odds!
Trivia Man
@lowtechcyclist: I’m not old enough for the cigarettes being handed out, but I am old enough to have smoked on a flight and in a movie theatre. My childhood thetare had Loge seats that cost extra – reclining AND an ashtray. We’d try to sneak into them without paying the surcharge (A $3.50 ticket!) cause they were cushy.
NotMax
@Old School
But- but- according to Fox using a straw is unmanly (1:10 – 2:00).
mrmoshpotato
@NotMax: Wow. That hurts.
My dad (born ’47) had a box (probably one of those long boxes) of baseball cards of 50’s (maybe 60’s) players. He has said it could’ve put us three kids through college. His mom tossed it some year while cleaning up the basement.
BretH
Had my colonoscopy a week ago and took the pills instead of the liquid. So you basically take pills and drink a lot of water. I found it much more agreeable. They cost $50 and I think the liquid was free but worth it for me.
Kelly
Installed bidet toilet seats several years ago. I like the tidiness on a daily basis but oh my did it add a bit of comfort to colonoscopy prep.
dirge
It’s really not. When I had wisdom teeth out as a teen, I said just put me out, I don’t want to remember this. They gave me enough sodium pentothal to induce amnesia, but not enough to knock me out, and nothing else. I’m told that my tortured screams were heard across the street. I was left feeling deeply traumatized by an experience I couldn’t remember. Would not recommend.
JaneE
The colonoscopy was easy compared to the prep. I was doing the at home testing for years, but then it came back with blood so I had to do the colonoscopy too. My normal meds keep me backed up, so they had me do two days of prep to be sure I was all cleaned out. At least it is only every 10 years. I had thought I might not even live long enough for the next one, but now it is only two years away. I may even have some Jello left from the last time. All for a hemorrhoid, as it turned out.
Ragbatz
In one of his later books, Phillip Roth wrote, “Growing old isn’t a battle. It’s a massacre.”
Ruckus
I know there are a lot of old farts on BJ so all of this talk of different procedures seems pretty normal. I’ve had a few myself.
Think about what medicine was like a lot of decades ago. Think what it’s like today. Go back enough decades and the difference is actually pretty amazing – that they caught anything. The procedures, the medications, the operations that are now common and can keep you alive a lot longer and in a lot better health. I spent 40 yrs of my life with untreatable migraines. Some hurt so bad that I wanted to scream, but that only made things a lot worse. Now there are medications to take that slow down or stop most of them before they start and medications to stop the ones that get through that. And that’s just one thing, there are dozens and dozens of things that modern medicine can help with and make life better.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Trivia Man:
I’m old enough that I smoked in the hospital during a five day visit for a really badly broken leg. Pediatrics ward too as there was no room elsewhere. The best part?
I was in 9th grade and it was OK with my mom if I smoked…lol! I still can’t believe it happened. The 70’s man… what a trip.
xjmuellerlurks
Lighting a cigarette was how we summoned a bus back in the day.
RA
@Ohio Mom: I found gallstones the same way several years ago. Last fall I talked to my doctor about it and she said it was up to me, but dealing with gallstone removal before you have a gallbladder episode is much easier than if you wait until it happens. I scheduled the surgery and it was so easy. The only discomfort I had was a slight bit of nausea while coming out of the anesthesia. I have 4 small slits on my abdomen that healed nicely and I never had any pain afterward. I know everyone’s experiences will be different but it was really a piece of cake for me.
I had more pain and am still having pain from having a tendon cut to resolve trigger finger on one hand.