The Juice commentariat has been very good to us, so I wanted to update everyone on my big guy. He had, it turns out, an aggressive malignancy and though he had been doing well for the last 6 weeks, 48 hours ago that changed drastically. He suddenly stopped eating, though he had a voracious appetite to that point, and though I tempted him with roasted chicken and hot dogs (his favorite!) he didn’t eat more than a morsel, mostly to appease me I think. Other signs that he was done fighting became more obvious as Tuesday went on, then this morning, his labored breathing let me know it was time to call the vet, who came out, examined him, and agreed with me that he was letting us know he was ready to go.
Biggie was seized, along with his sister Lady and lots of other dogs in a puppy mill raid somewhere near Quincy IL 10 years ago. He was estimated to be about 2 at the time, had been used as a stud, and had never been outside of his cage. He was terrified of everything: leashes, cars, strangers, cats, loud noises, water, other dogs. Neither was housebroken, knew how to walk on a leash, or any commands at all. I was contacted as a last resort by a contact I knew from rescue transports: Lady and Biggie were due to be euthanized by the small rural animal control that held them because no other rescue had spoken up for them. Would I take them temporarily? On the day they were to be put to sleep, they travelled north for me to foster until we could find adopters or a rescue to take them.
Lady adapted quickly and was adopted by a lovely woman after only a few weeks. Biggie spent his first few weeks hiding under the kitchen table and fighting his collar and leash every time we tried to go out. And lifting his leg on every brand new cabinet in my freshly remodelled kitchen. My large, boisterous teen-aged boys spent hours under the table with him, talking softly to Biggie and letting him know he was safe, helping him to relax. Slowly Bigs came out of his shell. He bonded with one of my cats first, the two would curl up under the table to sleep.
He never really learned how to play, but he liked catching his toy and then running away from us to hoard it. He was the last one alive of the dogs I moved with me from Chicago. He bonded with another black lab girl 7 years ago, rescued from the same area of IL as he came from. He “protected” her from all the other dogs, which became a problem, and I ended up having to move the two of them out to the heated garage. The picture is of him there, sitting on his platform bed which is covered with a wool rug. He loved to lay there, under the heat lamp on winter days, and out in the sun during the summer. Today I buried him in his favorite sunny spot after it was all over.
My gratitude to all the Juicers is deep and everlasting. With your help he got the medical care he needed and at the end, the comfort of being able to go to sleep gently in his own bed rather than having to take that last traumatic ride to the vet in pain.
Thank you all so much.
Reader Interactions
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Southern Beale
Gah, so sorry to hear this. Sounds like the second act of Biggie’s life was a tremendous improvement over where he started, though. He got to know what it was like to be loved. That’s what matters.
ellie
I am so sorry to hear about your puppy.
Trollhattan
Aw, darn, so sorry you lost your friend. But you’ll always know you gave Biggie a life he was destined not to have, had you not reached out.
Emma
I can never find the right words. I’m sorry he’s gone but you loved him until the end, and that’s what’s important.
CONGRATULATIONS!
That’s a big deal. I’m sorry about Biggie. He looks much like my girl lab mutt, who we put down last year. When it’s time it’s time, but damn if that makes it easier.
I’m still not sure if it’s a privilege or a curse that allows us to outlive them.
My father, a rather controlled, taciturn man at best, who would normally rather swill a bottle of cyanide than talk about his feelings, stunned me afterwards by saying “now you’ll have a dog-shaped scar on your heart forever. It never goes away. I’m really sorry.” It turns out he is quite correct about that. It’s kind of a good thing.
Barry
My sympathies go with you.
Ranchandsyrup
Thoughts and prayers for you and Biggie
SiubhanDuinne
Oh, Satby, I’m so sorry to learn this news. But what a wonderful eulogy you wrote for him. You did a good thing when you rescued him, and you did another good thing today by listening to him and honoring his wishes. May his spirit run free, and may your memories be joyful ones.
IdahoFlaneuse
I am so sorry for you loss. May your memories bring you comfort.
Betty Cracker
Sad news. I’m so sorry. As others have said, take comfort in the fact that you gave him a good life and took care of him until the end.
satby
Thanks all.
I posted this on the GoFundMe site as well, so apologies to those of you kind folks who see it twice. H’s at peace and so am I about it, it just was such a sudden turn from Monday’s happy boy. Without an autopsy we can’t say for sure, but the vet surmised that the tumor I thought was his first one was probably metastasized from an original cancer. I just feel fortunate that he didn’t suffer unduly or for long and that I was able to give him a semblance of a normal life.
Now I start the job of reintegrating his companion Maggie into the house.
TaMara (BHF)
Satby, you gave him a chance at life, rehabilitation and love. He was a lucky dog. I am sorry for your loss.
satby
@Emma: those are perfect words Emma. None of us ever feels adequate offering condolences.
Jane2
Condolences on the loss of Biggie. He was lucky to be rescued by you, and you were lucky to have your time with him.
Sherparick
@Emma: So right. But these are all we offer. Thank you Satby for giving Biggie such a loving home.
beth
So sorry to hear this sad news. You were lucky to find each other. RIP Biggie.
Riley's Enabler
I’m so sorry to hear it, and send love your way. Thank you for making his years loving and kind and safe. Sweet Biggie.
varmintito
We go into it knowing the chances are so strong that we will outlive them. If the time together weren’t so sweet I don’t know how we would bear it.
Black labs > mere mortal dogs > humans.
Suzanne
Hugs to you and your family, Satby. Losing them is so unbelievably hard, but they’re worth it. I hope the knowledge that you gave him a great life brings you even a small amount of comfort. Biggie was a cutie-pants.
Ash Can
So very sorry to hear this, satby. Hats off to you for all you did for Biggie. You gave him the full and happy life he never would have had without you. May your memories always be a comfort to you.
skerry
@satby: I’m so sorry for your loss. You gave him a great life and he knew love. (hugs)
FoxinSocks
I’m so sorry, but he was clearly lucky to have you and had a wonderful life!
MomSense
So sorry, Satby. Your big guy was beautiful and I’m sure he was endlessly grateful to spend 10 years being loved and cared for. It is so hard to lose a pet. I hope that his memory and the knowledge that his life was transformed by you bring you some comfort in your grief. Hugs.
Amir Khalid
I have no real idea what to say. I’m sorry you lost Biggie early. May the sun always shine upon where he rests.
Francis
Deepest condolences from me and my two rescue dogs.
Giving an abandoned dog a new life and a new home is an unqualified good deed. But rescuing dogs has taught me a very important lesson — the love you give is returned a 1000 times over. You don’t just rescue them; they rescue you.
As you dry your tears, please remember all the good times that you each gave to the other.
moonbat
I am sorry you lost your buddy. I know how it hurts since we very suddenly lost our Jake this last summer to cancer. I am glad Biggie’s passing was easy and that you have some other furry buddies to help get you over the hard times. Good on you for giving such a poor, troubled boy a loving home.
Kristine
I am so sorry. You gave him a great second chance at life. I’m glad you were able to have him home at the end.
Iowa Old Lady
Sympathy to you
the Conster
It’s just the worst day ever when you lose your best friend. Many many condolences satby. At least we don’t have to let them suffer, like we have to do for our human loved ones.
OT, but there’s a big display in South Station of children waiting to be adopted. I walk past it every morning, and each smiling face just tugs so hard on my heart. I wish I could take every single one of them home with me, but my new landlord will only let me have my cat, not that I could realistically entertain the idea of adopting 25 kids. Children and animals all deserve loving homes! Thanks to all of you who adopt. You’re the best there is.
Elizabelle
Satby: sorry to hear this. Glad he had such a good home with you and the sons and other pets, for as long as he did.
raven
We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan.
— Irving Townsend
Tokyokie
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s been about 4 1/2 years since we lost Neyle, the last of the cats we dragged with us to Texas from Japan, and I still miss the lug. I think he was about a quarter Siamese, and I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had he gotten to play with (or be annyed by) Marvin, the full-blood Siamese rescue we got after we lost Neyle. But then, had we not lost Neyle, we probably wouldn’t have acquired Marvin, so sometimes it all sort of works out. Hope that happens with you to make up for the loss of Biggie.
Seanly
I’m sorry to hear about Biggie’s passing. I had missed Satby’s original posting.
Loosing a loved pet is never easy. I still miss my sweet girl Ginnie (gone over 4 years now) and her son Duncan (passed almost a year ago). Unfortunately, both of them were at the vet’s office when we decided to put them to sleep.
An old high school buddy of mine has a vet clinic & also offers at-home services in Michigan. You didn’t use Dr Fish, did you? Chances are low it’s my old buddy.
I know this is a big cliche, but that advice about remembering the dead in some context from Saving Private Ryan works. I have so many wonderful memories of the 8 years with Ginnie and almost 13 with Duncan. I can remember them joyfully greeting me at the door and so many other adventures.
Linda M
Satby–So sorry to read about your pup. What a great tribute you gave him here. He was a lucky dog, for sure, the day that you rescued him.
geg6
My deepest sympathies, Satby. My Otis, who we just lost in similar circumstances, sounds much like Biggie. He, too, was a rescue (but a golden retriever), but we never did find out the circumstances from which he came. All I know is we got him at about 4 years, he was terrified of newspapers and other dogs and never did figure out how to play. But he was the most loving of dogs to me (and to John, but for some reason, he felt especially close to me) and it broke my heart to lose him. It was just a little over two weeks ago and picking up his ashes from the vet’s a couple of days ago, my heart broke all over again. He’s now sitting in a beautiful carved wooden box on my mantel and I’ll never forget him. I’m sure you feel much the same and I’ll be thinking of you and yours. RIP Biggie. Good dog.
raven
@Seanly: This by Biden applies in my opinion:
raven
@geg6: Aw Otis.
JPL
Satby, I’m so sorry for your loss. Condolences and hugs.
Ann Marie
Satby, I’m so sorry for your loss, but so glad he got to spend those years with you. You gave him love and the chance to experience the better side of humans.
ruemara
So sorry, Biggie. Rest in peace.
drunken hausfrau
So glad Biggie found you… and you, him. So sorry for your sadness, but happy you have good memories! Cherish them.
dance around in your bones
Gads, so sorry Satby – but may the commentariat bring you solace.
I know I’m putting my two cents in.
KS in MA
Hugs to you, Satby. You gave Biggie ten years of kindness and love … that’s a really good thing in the world.
hedgehog the occasional commenter
Hugs and love to you. And so glad you gave Biggie a good life.
MazeDancer
Smiled, cried, what a beautiful tribute to your boy, Satby. And what a splendid life you gave him. Huge condolences. And congratulations on making the world a much, much better place by loving such a good dog and giving him such a wonderful home.
Cckids
My condolences to you & wishes for a peaceful heart.
The part of your eulogy that touched me most was your boys patiently sitting with Biggie, showing him that the world holds more than pain. What a wonderful legacy you’ve created; awesome human beings.
Jebediah, RBG
just had to go close my office door; fuckers don’t need to see me crying… I am so glad that you grabbed this guy and worked so hard to make up for the first part of his life. Thank you for that, thank you for letting him know security and love. You, and people like you, are awesome.
Manyakitty
What sad news. It’s a wonderful thing, though, that you gave him such a warm and loving home for the majority of his life.
Karen in GA
I’m so sorry. I’m glad Biggie got to live in a loving home.
satby
@geg6: geg6, RIP to Otis as well. Without wonderful people like you to adopt these guys, rescuers can’t save as many as we do. It is a comfort to know the fate we saved them from. {{geg6}}
satby
thanks again everyone. It really has been a blessing to know we had the support and love of the Juicitariat!
donovong
@satby: I’m sorry you lost your Biggie, but hope that you will take comfort in the knowledge that you gave him a wonderful life. I’m also very glad that you gave those of us in the Balloon Juice community a chance to know and help him as well.
I lost my German Shepherd, Shogun, in July and know that there will be a hole in your heart for a while. I suspect you will find another friend to fill that hole in due time.
satby
@Cckids: yes, that’s one of my best memories… coming at a time in teenagerhood when they weren’t always so nice. But they really shone handling this dog, and have grown into men I’m very proud of.
cckids
@satby: Another gift our pets give us; the opportunity to exercise the better angels of our nature.
lurker dean
rip biggie and hugs to you satby, you did so good by him.
Patricia Kayden
Beautiful post. RIP Biggie. It’s so lovely that he lived his life out in such a loving environment after such a rough beginning.
Gex
People who have the patience to deal with such damaged creatures, nurse them, and bring them back to a healthy happy life are priceless.Love to you and Biggie.
Angela
So sorry Satby. The story of your boys being so tense hearted with Biggie tell me so much about your family. Grateful there was so much love and kindness to share.
jacy
So terribly, terribly sorry. But know you gave a great life and love that he would never have had without you.
Ruckus
Almost all our pets are here for a much shorter time than we are that over our lives we will lose a number of them. It always hurts but I say remember the good times, like the opening up of a scared rescue like Biggie. Inside there was a valued soul just waiting to come out. Satby, you did that for him, and he rewarded you by showing you the real dog inside that had been hiding.
Sorry for your loss, Biggie was a good dog, and a good friend. Thankfully he found a good friend in you.
satby
I wish I could just thank you all in person for all the support! And commiserate about the ones we’ve lost. It’s been a hard year for a lot of us here, my gang and I are hanging on, and better days will come.
Thanks so much again.
sharl
Such a lovely account; a sad ending, as they always are, but so much that is wonderful there. As Raven noted with the Biden quote, you come away from this passing with some memories that I hope will help keep you warm against the psychic winds that occasionally howl about us all.
My condolences to you Satby. Farewell Biggie.
Joy
So sorry to hear about Biggie. He had a good and loving home, something that he deserved. It’s so hard to let them go, but I saw a quote from Dr. Suess this morning that made me think of my animals that have passed and it helped me. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened”. It made me smile with tears in my eyes. I hope your memories sustain you and your family.
The quote was found in a book called “Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me” by Cynthia Copeland. It’s a nice little book with pictures of dogs and related short stories and quotes.
Paul in KY
RIP, Biggie. Satby, you’re a saint.
Jebediah, RBG
@Joy:
Huh. I had thought that was a Jens Voigt quote.
MJ
God bless you Satby for all you did for Biggie and Lady! I have an ornery puppy mill rescue as well and I understand just how much dogs like that can worm their way into your heart.