This list of things that afflict pregnant women is enough for me to state that were I a woman, I would never, ever, ever get pregnant intentionally:
Oh your sweet little baby is healthy and moving around and kicking. You can feel him bumping around. It’s magical.
HOLY SHIT! WHAT WAS THAT?
That? That crazy sudden pain that almost made you collapse? That feeling that someone just sent an electric fireball down your vagina and through your legs? That, my dear, was your sweet little baby kicking you in the cervix.
You can’t prepare for it. You can’t stop it. You can only hope that each time it happens, you are near something to break your fall. Or that you are in a place where no one cares if you scream.
I know we have a number of moms reading the site, including some very new members to the club, so you will have to tell the males here how accurate this piece was.
And speaking of new moms, I loved this new pick of Sam, spawn of Redkitten:
Look at that grin.
handy
Apologies to the pet lovers but pics of cute bebbies > all.
Nicole
Thanks, thanks a lot. At 14 weeks, that is JUST what I needed to read. I need a drink to calm my nerves.
birthmarker
Never happened to me.
General Winfield Stuck
Sam is an angel. I liked the video of him in his Toddler Spaceship thing. Forgot what it was called.
I have birthed several Kidney Stones, does that count?
beltane
This is a subject I actually know a lot about. I have given birth to five children (no Sarah Palin jokes, please), including a set of twins. All the pregnancies were easy and trouble-free except for the last one when I was in a lot of pain and was put on bed rest due to insufficient amniotic fluid. No anesthesia of any kind was used in any of the deliveries.
Honestly, I enjoyed the whole childbearing experience. I especially liked breastfeeding as I could eat anything I wanted and still loose weight. The only thing that really sucked was having a baby wake me up every couple of hours. The fatigue was a killer. Not so good for the sex life, either.
LC
I always described it as feeling like the kid had just jammed a lollipop stick through my cervix. So, maybe not as intense an experience as depicted above. But yes, I would always stop dead in my tracks, doing a little calming breathing, biting my lip so I wouldn’t make any untoward noises.
But, compared to actual labor, a total piece of cake…
handy
@General Winfield Stuck:
FWIW, I’ve had a couple of woman with kids who have passed stones tell me that, hands down, kidney stones were the most painful thing they ever endured.
DonkeyKong
Wow, healthy as a Cherokee tomato!
beltane
@Nicole: Don’t worry. Some women have it rough, others don’t. It’s very likely you will only experience minimal discomfort at the end.
dr. bloor
He should be smiling. Finding your toes is the second coolest thing on the planet, just behind chewing on them.
San
First pregnancy was a breeze, the delivery too, but what came after (sleepless, super-alert baby) and the slight post-partum depression brought on by severe sleep deprivation was definitely something no one warned me about.
The current pregnancy so far is going well. No cervical kicks so far. But bladder kicks – definitely. And a constant feeling of poor bladder control, ack.
BTW, that demon sheep Fiorina video today almost made me lose it. In the future I will not click on any videos or read comments here without visiting the bathroom first.
de stijl
I would trade for your kidney stones or kicking babies any day of the week:
“Cluster headache is probably the worst pain that humans experience. I know that’s quite a strong remark to make, but if you ask a cluster headache patient if they’ve had a worse experience, they’ll universally say they haven’t. Women with cluster headache will tell you that an attack is worse than giving birth. So you can imagine that these people give birth without anesthetic once or twice a day, for six, eight, or ten weeks at a time, and then have a break. It’s just awful.”[5]
Annie
While I have never given birth…I can say that being a stepmom can be extremely painful…You can’t prepare for it. You can’t stop it. All of your dreams of having your step daughters love and embrace you with open arms is bullshit. No matter how hard you try, they don’t. And, your husband is extremely unclear of which side to be on when you express your utter dismay at being marginalized, ignored, and outright hated.
I am sorta lucky. I have one stepdaughter who loves me, and one who hates the ground I walk on. And, a husband who is utterly confused at times of were his loyalities are.
Bad Horse's Filly
I will deny it if any of my nieces, nephew or various god-children ask, but that Sam-Kitten is the cutest baby evah.
mr. whipple
This is nothing like the pain of being dumped by Mary Ellen Bridget Ann McCarthy in the 6th grade.
Bitch.
bey
It’s all true. But then one day you have a hand scrawled mother’s day card from a 5 year old who makes some of his letters upside down that says “I love yon mom” and you realize you’ve forgotten all about the cervix kicks and terminal heartburn.
SamKitten is just about as cute as a baby can get!
Martin
Wow, how fucking cute is that kid – and I say that as someone who has two pretty fucking cute kids, if I do say so myself.
suzanne
My little muffintop just turned six, and I still remember one kick she gave me that made me see stars. Not in the cervix, but in the side. So hard, that people sitting across the room said it looked like my side exploded. Christ Jesus, did that ever fucking suck ass.
My husband and I are thinking about having another. It’s moments like that that could end up making her an only child.
That and the “Oh, epidurals are ineffective on 2% of the population. Isn’t that great? You’re exceptional!” Yeah. Fuck that.
Yutsano
@beltane: Not to brag on my mom or anything, but her labors were pretty much breezes. I came out in 15 minutes from outset of labor (I was only born in the hospital because she happened to be there at the time), my youngest brother came out in 45 minues, my older brother in two hours. Only the third child chose to be the difficult one at eight hours. So it can vary widely.
Steph
Hm. With both, in third trimester I had pain in the groin that came and went, felt like an imp had taken up residence in my tights and was jabbing me with a sharp knife. But I think that was something called “hip displasia” and not a cervix thing.
Was totally worth it, naturally. Love my boys insanely.
Seanly
But, John, if you were a woman, it would be your duty spit out spawn. Assuming you’re a white woman of European descent. And the creation of said spawn is the only purpose for the sacred covenant of marriage. Well, and so your hubby has someone to watch his precious brood while he’s off screwing cheerleaders or young male pages.
/wingnut
My wife had her tubes tied so I’ll never get to hear her complain about childbirth. Every time that I hear someone say that true marriage is only between a man and a woman who procreate, I want to kick them in their retarded nuts. Yeah, I said retarded.
Nicole
@Annie: At one time I hated the ground my stepmom walked on, too. Now, I think she’s the bees’ knees. I hope your second one comes around for you. She’s missing out.
Ella in NM
I am so happy I had kids. Each pregnancy was an incredible physical, emotional and psychological test, a marathon that strengthened me for the toughest parts of my of life. Each child was an opportunity from God to bring something beautiful and fresh to this world, a tiny opportunity for the of redemption for mankind. And each was part of a lesson I learned about humility, modesty, selflessness and healthy self-love. I would never look down on those who choose or cannot raise children–I only know I would be a far lesser person without their travels through me.
Jon H
Poop, I already posted the link to the story about the girl who got pregnant via a blow job.
Lolis
There is a brilliant book called The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta. Yes, the title is ironic.
Steph
@San: Sorry about your PPD, been there, too. No one warns you, and it’s really hard to admit, because, of course you’re happy, right? What sort of mom gets PPD?
Sigh.
Very glad you’re having a nice pregnancy! Best wishes, positive thoughts coming your way.
rob!
Note to self: get condoms before big snowstorm hits tomorrow.
Exurban Mom
They make the babies that cute for a reason; the pain of their entry to the world must be cancelled out somehow, else who would willingly do it twice?
That is one seriously cute baby. Hope the mom and dad are getting some sleep these days…
arguingwithsignposts
@Bad Horse’s Filly:
No. I’ve got three that are the cutest baby evah. ;)
Martin
@suzanne: Redhead? Redheads commonly have a resistance to anesthetics. I’m not a redhead, but they’re close enough the family tree that I have that condition. I’ve woken up in the middle of surgeries. It’s a joyous condition to have…
Wife had our 2nd without an epidural. The complications she went through with those pregnancies – there’s no repaying her for enduring all of that.
eastriver
I bought tickets today to travel to Ethiopia mid-March, to bring home adopted daughter #2. Very exciting.
mp1900
That never happened to me, but my first son kicked me in the ribs frequently. He was long and was trying to get comfortable, is all. I just edged my fingers under my bottom rib and pushed down until he found a new position.
Martin
@eastriver: Congrats! That is exciting.
eastriver
@Martin:
A little scary. Hitting the diaper aisle again at my advanced age.
Martin
@eastriver: Yeah, I can appreciate that. We’d consider adopting for a 3rd and then the 2nd wound up being as much work as a 3rd and 4th. Ah well.
I hope everything goes well. We have a lot of adoptees in the family and a lot of friends that have adopted, and sometimes it can be pretty rocky. One friend has adopted two girls from the Ukraine, and that entire experience was a nightmare, but it turned out well in the end.
shirt
As a long time gout sufferer, I was suprised that Karen, A young mother so happy with her baby, came down with gout; it rarely aflicts the gentler sex. She asked me what she could do about it and was very angry at my answer: endure it. Her response was that she’d rather birth eight (8!!!) babies than endure gout. Don’t really know how she worked the math.
I have since learned two things: Drink water like crazy and wear socks to bed. For gout that is.
suzanne
@Martin:
Nope, I’m as brunette as they come. No redheaded family members, either. Weird. That’s interesting, though. When I had my surgery, I counted backwards from 10, made it to 7, then was down for the count. But the epidural completely failed. Five minutes after the kid was born, I got up, walked into the bathroom, and peed. The nurses were quite literally speechless.
@eastriver:
Yay. :) That is fabulous.
eastriver
@Martin:
Our first adoption has been amazing. From the former soviet Republic of Georgia. The adoption was smooth and hitch-free. She arrived 2 1/2 months old. And is thriving 7 years later. Ethiopia is much different than Georgia, however. I expect many bumps and lumps. But that’s half the fun, right? Right? (right)
J. Michael Neal
@shirt:
Actually, that sounds like an effective form of birth control.
Betty Cracker
My kiddo tried to kick her way out a few times, but it wasn’t all that painful — just felt weird. Childbirth, however…oy. I’m a needle-phobe and was planning to eschew an epidural because the thought of getting a needle in my spine freaked me right the hell out. But after experiencing labor for awhile, I was perfectly willing to get jabbed in the eyeballs with needles for some relief.
Ash Can
It all boils down to sheer dumb luck — how you’re built, and how the baby grows in you. I never got any well-placed kicks to the cervix myself. I was just overall grouchy at being a beached whale, and I had vague and ongoing joint discomfort due to carrying a sack of cement around on my front at a time when my joints were just starting to get used to the idea of middle age (older moms represent, yo).
But THIS…
@suzanne: “Oh, epidurals are ineffective on 2% of the population. Isn’t that great? You’re exceptional!”
Girl, I would’ve fucking killed someone on the spot. Disembowelled ’em straight through both nostrils. And not a (female) jury in the world would have convicted me.
And yes, kidney stones are rotten. But that’s a more localized pain than labor. (I got stones from overdoing the calcium when I was lactating. But I was lucky; I was able to beat them by pounding water for a few hours.)
And post-partum depression? Ugh, don’t get me started. It can be really insidious; it sneaks up on you. You don’t even realize anything’s wrong until you find yourself pounding your head against the wall for no reason.
But you know why all this shit happens? Because if it didn’t, the human race would have killed itself off a very long time ago. The darned kids are SO cute and sweet and wonderful (see Sammy Kitten above for a perfect e.g.) that if it weren’t so goddamned much trouble to have the little darlings we’d be batting them out like popcorn, and we’d long since have overpopulated this too-small planet to the point of making it uninhabitable.
Ash Can
Oh, and @eastriver: CONGRATULATIONS! That’s wonderful!
Unintentionally Pregnant
“for me to state that were I a woman, I would never, ever, ever get pregnant intentionally…”
Good luck with that…it’s not the intentional part, it’s the unintentional part. Here’s the examples.
My New Job: Parental Notification
Another Post About Parental Notification
Elie
I never had any kids of my own, but I love babies and children and I was an OB and Pediatric nurse. I love holding babies, smelling them and looking into their wonderful eyes and souls.
As you move along in life, you learn to accept that no one gets everything they want, and to try to share your love and make a contribution to something loving and living is very important.
For me, that is my salmon restoration work up here in the Northwest. From the first time that I saw returning salmon 7 years ago in one of our rivers up here, and saw their determination, flinging beaten, scrapped bodies into rocks and against unbelievable currents, I have been completely enthralled with the energy of their life force. I want like hell to make sure they have a chance wherever I can and I know their strength and resilience will overcome if they are given even half a chance.
We are in year eight of a multiyear effort to restore the spawning and young salmon habitat on a little, unknown creek off of Birch Bay, WA. Every year we plant trees, do stream side improvements, tend egg boxes to hatch out thousands of baby salmon and watch eagerly for returning spawners from out in the sea in the rainy months of Nov and December.
One year, I know they will come back. We will continue to work and think good thoughts till then. I will send pics when that happens. Chum and coho salmon are good sized fish and they will make an impact on the entire habitat, and as importantly, on the humans that both once destroyed and hope to restore and celebrate their gift.
Elie
@eastriver:
Congratulations and many best wishes for your new love..
Elie
@J. Michael Neal:
“I have since learned two things: Drink water like crazy and wear socks to bed. For gout that is.
Actually, that sounds like an effective form of birth control.”
LOL!
Elie
@eastriver:
Well you can just move over a couple of aisles for the adult diapers in a couple of years (Just kidding)
Hey, just roll with it and enjoy…We are all old and young at the same time in many ways…
Church Lady
Nothing like that ever happened to me. Kidney and bladder punches, but those are typical. I am convinced, however, that women have a much higher pain threshold than men. If men had to carry a baby to term and deliver it, population growth would come to a screeching halt.
handy
Okay.
Cathie from Canada
@mp1900:
Yes, my daughter was a rib-kicker too, and I had to do the same thing — push down until she moved a bit. It was wierd, though, getting bruised ribs on the inside.
My son, thank heavens, didn’t do that — maybe just because I knew what to expect, but I don’t recall any particularly difficult punches when I was pregnant with him.
But he did, as I recall, let me know in no uncertain terms when it was time to quit breastfeeding — at about 7 months, he bit me, ouch! Needless to say, that was that.
Regarding the post-partum depression, I remember sitting on the couch at 3 am, with my daughter 2 or 3 weeks old, breastfeeding and bawling my eyes out. Didn’t realize until later what it was. Yes, it sneaks up on you.
Wile E. Quixote
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51160
Mnemosyne
@Annie:
My stepmother probably would have said the exact same thing about me between the ages of about 13 to 18, and I didn’t even have competing loyalties that can happen with a divorce (my mom died when I was 7). The way they are today is not the way they will always be (unless they’re assholes overall, which is always possible) and someday they will stand up at their wedding reception in front of a hundred of your friends and relatives and thank you for all of your work. Honest. I can send you the video.
Wile E. Quixote
@Church Lady:
And of course you’re completely wrong
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51160
But why let facts get in the way of your ignorance and prejudices? I mean you never have before.
Wile E. Quixote
@Martin:
No kidding. I mean I have some cute nephews and nieces, they’re so cute and adorable that I keep telling my sisters that if I had known how great it was to be an uncle that I would have been encouraging them to get knocked up years earlier. But that Sam, well that kid has got some weapons grade cuteness going for him.
Mnemosyne
@Wile E. Quixote:
Hm. After reading that, I’m just going to say that only one gender is culturally encouraged to deny they’re in pain and to even do painful things to “prove” it (it’s not teenage girls who dare each other to hold their hand over a candle flame). Sort of like the way women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression than men but men are something like five times more likely to commit suicide than women.
If they could do an infant study, that might get more accurate results than trying to get people who’ve gotten 20 years of cultural conditioning to accurately describe their level of pain.
Max
@eastriver: Congrats! I’m becoming more and more obsessed with adopting a child from Haiti. Hopefully, the bill in the Senate to make it easier becomes a reality.
Phoebe
@Annie: I second Nicole. The one who hates you will come around if you stick with it. She might be taking her anger at her first mom, or at other sadsack adults in her life, out on you. That’s what happened to me. And now it’s all good. Stick in there and know that she’s just a kid, and you stick by her anyway. It’s hard, though.
hamletta
@Annie: As a stepdaughter, I say hang in there, babe. Stay the fuck away from any conflict with hubby and mom/ex-wife.
My parents had an ugly divorce, and an uglier custody battle. It’s brutal what that shit does to kids, and I have the therapy bills to prove it. But my stepmom, God bless her, stayed the fuck away, and the sturm-und-drang went down to a dull roar once she & my dad got married.
You just stay. Just love those girls, even the one who hates you. And understand it’s not your job to ferret out the why.
eemom
feeling a baby move around inside you is an amazing and wonderful experience. Mine never kicked in any way that hurt.
They did, however, hurt like hell coming out. Contrary to popular belief, a short labor isn’t necessarily a good thing. In fact, it’s an intense and painful experience and they WON’T GIVE YOU an epidural if you’re that far gone when you get to the hospital.
The sleep deprivation is also major suckage.
All that said, babies RAWK. Little Sammy is just scrumptious.
hamletta
On a cheerier note, many of the BJ peeps love their food, so they should love Smitten Kitchen, my personal favorite food blog (h/t Ezra Klein).
Her scrumptious bundle of joy is 4 months old, and she features links to the latest pics of him in every post.
She’s a really good photographer (her blog has always been food porn), so he comes off like the cutest baby in the world.
No disrepect to RedKitten, of course, whose bebeh is gorgeous.
Ruemara
That is an awesome pic that makes me want to nom some toesies and make with the belly farts. WANT BABEEE BELLEH!
My friends need to hurry up and have awesome cute babies for me to play with, spoil and hand back to the parentals. He looks like the perfect icon of happy baby, Red Kitten.
Mum
@General Winfield Stuck:
Actually, I’ve heard from a couple of people who’ve had both kidney stones and children and would much rather have had more children than gone through the whole passing the kidney stone process.
de stijl
@Mum:
Hate to pimp my own affliction again (cluster headache), but imagine passing a kidney stone or a non-epidural childbirth 2-4 times a day for two to three months.
I have episodic clusters that usually last for three months and then go away for a year. Then it starts again. Rinse. Repeat.
A friend of my father was unlucky enough to be a chronic sufferer with multiple headaches for several years. He committed suicide. And I understand his decision.
I’m very, very grateful to be an episodic sufferer.
burnspbesq
Nearly every aspect of being a parent is either cool or tolerable-if-you-have-a-sense-of-humor, but I think I may finally have arrived at the coolest part of all. My kid is 16, and somehow, miraculously, he seems to have turned into a level-headed young adult capable of making good choices (at least, most of the time). So we are becoming friends. I still have to get my Dad on from time to time, but less and less often. Is teh awesome.
burnspbesq
We had fun at our house tonight. Five pounds of kitteh trying to explain to 140 pounds of Great Pyrenees what the new rules are. Wish I’d had a camera handy.
R-Jud
My kid will be 1 in a month (HOLY CRAP), and I don’t remember the cervix thing happening. I do remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling an intense pressure, as if she were spreading out all her limbs at once.
Pregnancy was fun, except for the last few weeks when I was overdue and had twisted my ankle. And I can honestly say that what I experienced of labor (20 hours of it) wasn’t that bad, until they jacked me up with induction hormones.
I did not like the general anasthetic for my emergency c-section. And I hated the aftermath of the surgery (catheters: yuck). Still, beats having a dead kid and/or no uterus left.
And yes, SamKitten’s cute. Note that he is already betrothed to this young semi-English lady (provided they both turn out hetero).
PopeRatzo
Naw, accidental pregnancy is the way to go.
I never heard my sainted mother complain about “getting kicked in the cervix” like these namby-pamby women of today. Back then, they got kicked in the cervix by their babies in and out of the womb and they liked it.
Or, they were too busy working in the fields to complain. One or the other. I never got a chance to ask my moms because she died long before I was born.
abo gato
Never had any of those kicks either. My son just turned 19 and like burnspbesq’s kid above, has turned out to be a very charming and thoughtful young man. It is a pleasure to be able to be a friend with him and not be the hard ass parent.
Back to the pregnancy, didn’t gain too much weight, had no gestational diabetes problems, but during labor it was clear he wasn’t coming out. Had a c-section and when they pulled him out both doctors and my husband exclaimed at the same time: “Oh my god, look at the shoulders on that kid!” I’m straining to see around the drape, wondering just what the fuck they pulled out…..turns out he was HUGE! Kid weighed 10 pounds 14 ounces and was nearly 2 feet long. Looked like a freaking 6 month old.
Nowadays he’s 6 feet 2 and thin, thin, thin.
Must be nice.
pandora
I was the worst pregnant woman ever! Needless to say, I did not glow. In fact, I complained so much I got on my own nerves.
I had some of the experiences listed in that article, and some not mentioned – loved the sudden onset of adult acne. (fortunately, it went away after the baby was born.)
I love my kids, but I think I was allergic to pregnancy!
RedKitten
@handy:
Depends. I was induced, and I can tell you that those contractions were way worse than my kidney stone. Mind you, the reward at the end was a little bit better. :)
Yes, I remember the cervix punches. Funny story: hubby and I went for lunch at a blues bar one day when I was about 7 months along. We got seated ordered our food, and watched the band get set up. Well, they started to play, and it was rilly, rilly loud. (Which was fine for me — I’m used to loud music. Hell, we went to go see Down while on our honeymoon.) But Sam-in-utero was a tad…startled. Imagine sitting peacefully, and then picture two fighting cats taking up residence inside of your abdomen. That’s what it felt like. I think all four limbs were flailing, and my husband though I was going into labour right then, with all the wincing, flinching, and “Oooh! OW!” I was doing.
Oh and yes, Sam’s tootsies ARE good. I was nomming them just an hour ago.
Congrats to eastriver! ! !
Oh, and R-Jud? Bean is just getting more and more gorgeous by the day. Imagine the beautiful grandkids we’re going to have some day…
RedKitten
And that article made me LOL. It’s all true. Every freaking last word of it. But the goofy thing? Despite all of that, I LOVED being pregnant.
No wonder people say women are hard to understand. I don’t even understand us.
debit
@pandora: Heh, I’m with you on the allergic to pregnancy thing. I also didn’t glow; I look at pictures of myself while pregnant and my face is sallow, my eyes dull and listless. I hated being pregnant. And the article doesn’t mention another “joy”; not being able to go anywhere without a full and complete map of every available bathroom. I swear, I had to pee every ten freaking minutes.
Dan Robinson
That is because you are a pussy, John. Real men are okay with getting pregnant.
WereBear
@Annie: As an experienced step-parent, I know it’s tough. It’s often a thankless task for seemingly ingrateful people.
You just have to roll with it. What I think is:
I am Shane.
Shane rides in out of nowhere. Some hate him, some love him. But he’s here because he’s the only one who can do this job, and save all the families.
And if in the end he rides off into the sunset; that’s the breaks. He knew that going in.
So, if you gotta, be Shane.
The good we do lives on.
aimai
I loved being pregnant–from the first moment when the baby jumps like a trout in a bucket and you are the bucket right to the gory end. Three days of back labor with the first, ten hours of home birth and a quiet hemorrhage with the second. I threw out my ribs coughing with the second one–that was painful since I had the nerve to imagine I would need to breathe every few minutes for the last five months of that pregnancy. But its all worth it. My god, babies are the shit (sic). If I’d known how great they were I’d have gotten started earlier.
Congratulations to eastriver! Have a safe trip and post pictures when you get back. I have adopted nieces from china. Children come to us in very mysterious ways. If we are meant to be parents, or uncles and aunts, to a particular person it is an incredibly blessed event, whether it involves arduous ucky labor or a plane trip and a long drive to an orphanage.
aimai
swalker
I guess pregnancy’s a pretty individual thing. I never had this, never heard any other woman describe it, and I find this thread fascinating.
marjo
I loved being pregnant. I never felt more special as when carrying my son for the seven months of my only pregnancy. I had nausea/throwing up the whole time, but on the other hand, I ate whatever I could eat without guilt because if I could keep it down, it was a win. (Burger King filet o fish sandwiches.)
My son was born premature because I had pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure), and that was difficult, because I found out who my real friends were. If you have a less than perfect pregnancy, or if your kid is hospitalized for four months after his birth, you don’t get a lot of sympathy from certain friends or your spinster boss. It was extremely stressful, as were my futile attempts to breastfeed. But my son is healthy today, so I feel blessed, even though I wish I could have experienced a healthy 9-month pregnancy.
I think that list is mostly bullshit. Sure, some of those things can happen, but not all of them. My kid hardly kicked at all, but hiccupped a lot. That was cool. In fact, most everything about that time was cool and magical. The article doesn’t mention that the whole time, your body is bathed with love hormones, and that while you are pregnant (before anything goes wrong), people pay attention to you and honor you. It’s exciting. Sure, you can have doubts and worries. But on balance it was the best time of my life.
madmommy
Oh how I wish I had stayed up for this thread last night! I can attest that those cervix kicks are brutal. My boys were both big at nearly 10 pounds and 20+ inches. The eldest decided that tucking his enormous gourd under my ribs was the happening place to be, and he refused to move from that position the final few weeks. Maybe that was the only way he could get comfortable. At any rate, he ended up being a C-section because of his refusal to join us in the oxygen-breathing world. I was worried about that, after reading about how difficult it is to recover, but for me it was pretty easy. But I didn’t have any stairs to navigate, and I’m told that is the worst part of recovery. The Percocets didn’t hurt, either!
Samkitten is some kind of cute bebbeh, and those toesies are certainly of nom-able quality!
swalker
@Elie – just read your work on salmon spawning. I wish you nothing but the best, your work is terrific, and I salute you. Please do post pics when they return.
Powdermonkey
Mrs. Monkey is due to have our first little one in about a month. I don’t think that she has any love of the pregnancy, even though it has been almost completely easy from a complication standpoint (not much morning sickness, no major complications) the inconvenience of it all is driving her nuts. The lack of sleep already and the inability to be comfortable seems to be the main culprit lately.
The first sonogram where we could see the baby moving its arms and legs though. That was a moment. Wow! She even waved to us! Gota say we are both anxious to meet our daughter, but I think the Mrs. is even more interested in just getting her out!
valdivia
For those of us who have never gotten pregnant this post is making me think twice that it is a good idea at all! Ok, kidding. I already had tons for girl friends call me when pregnant telling me how horrid it was. Once the baby arrived they forgot all about it and me, not one bit.
seems though like it is a totally worth it price to pay.
satby
@abo gato:
That was my oldest: almost 10 lbs and 22 1/2 inches long (I’m 5’2″, so he was almost 1/2 my size at birth). He’s 6’4″ now. Aside from looking like Jabba the Hut during my pregnancy and 40 hours of labor before the C-section, the only pain I had was when he’d shift in utero and compress the nerves going down one or the other leg. And the stretching out under the ribs thing. Both were transient though. But I am a redhead and anathesia has always been a problem for me too, so I was up 8 hours after the C-section and home by the 4th day.
For all you step-parents: kids generally are hateful between puberty and mid- to late teen years, so it’s not always personal. I know it feels like it though. I fostered 27 kids through the years and even the best have their off years; hang in there and it will probably get better.
Starfish
Dear John,
Please no more about the horrors of pregnancy for the next 8 months.
kay
@Powdermonkey:
I think the one saving grace of childbirth pain is it has a definite beginning and end.
No matter how difficult, it’s going to be resolved in, at most, 24 hours. If it doesn’t resolve naturally, they’re going to intervene and it’s going to end.
Holding that idea kept me going during the actual event.
RedKitten
Oh, and if you want a live version of that picture, there’s a video at my URL.
Ash Can
@valdivia: I was crabby and moody and not all that comfortable during pregnancy. Looking back on it, though, not only was it all worth it, but the pain and discomfort seem so unimportant as to be nothing at all.
Ash Can
@RedKitten: That’s perfectly adorable. And I love the tongue sticking out of the corner of the mouth!
HRA
Each and every pregnancy is different. No one can exactly tell anyone else what to look forward to in a pregnancy except in very general terms. I never had the pain described here in my 6 pregnancies. I was fortunate in that I had no morning sickness. It would have meant only one child for sure.
My mother said giving birth was the easiest part of having a child. She was right. At a certain point in growing up children realize their #1 mission is to outwit their parents. This is ground work for the teen years. It’s a challenge for any parent whether it’s a child you gave to birth to or a child you adopted or became a step-parent to. This, too, shall pass and better days do arrive.
keestadoll
First: adorable picture of Sam! Second, having a human growing inside you is just weird, but what’s even more weird is how quickly you get used to the idea.
Keith G
About DougJ’s “Blowin’ up” post:
Maybe scads of new folk initially arrived due to hippie punching, but it seems to me that threads like this one is what gives B-J a sense of heart that is warm, funny and magnetic.
AkaDad
No baby is that cute, it’s clearly a Photoshopped picture.
R-Jud
@Starfish:
I take it you are (or someone near to you is) in the blessed condition? If so, congratulations, and enjoy it.
Dan Robinson
Me: (to JMan while doing dishes) Well, we both know how that is going to end.
JMan: Evil! Evil!
JMan moves around me, mau-mauing and repeating the mantra. I wait to see when it is going to end. It doesn’t.
Me: Evil? Why am I evil?
JMan: Evil! You’re evil because you used black magic.
Me: What? Black magic?
JMan: Black magic! You used black magic to foretell the future.
WTF? He’s laughing like a mad man.
He’s 10 years old and he played me like a cheap radio.
South of I-10
I was the grumpiest pregnant woman ever, despite a very easy pregnancy. The only problem I had was she sat on my bladder for 9 months and I had to pee constantly! I had Little South in July in S. La. and I was so freaking hot it was ridiculous. I think Mr. South was afraid to touch the thermostat, which I had on 65 while sitting in front of 3 fans. I had to have a c-section, but all that mattered was the beautiful, healthy baby we held at the end.
iriedc
Long time lurker here. I can’t resist delurking to say, nope, this didn’t happen to me in either of my pregnacies.
However, my son (and 2nd child) did kick the s*** out of my siotic nerve for 6 months straight. It was just a tingle up-and-down my leg at first, but by the time he arrived the pain was searing, and I was sometimes reduced to limping.
4 years later and the nerve is still raw. My right leg hurts half the time. The boy is so darn cute I can’t be mad at him. So when my leg hurts I just glare at his father.
I loved being pregnant BTW. Go figure.
iriedc
BTW I can’t spell, and wordpress wouldn’t let me edit which is why I avoid commenting. I meant SCIATIC nerve. Sigh.
DanF
THAT is one of the all-time great baby photos!
dcdl
They also don’t tell you about the hair that starts growing out of places that you never thought of, the veins that start popping out of your legs, not only do you have to pee every 10 minutes you have to do it at night (maybe to prepare you for when the baby comes), hemorrhoids, acid reflux, only being able to sleep sitting up, swearing you are going through menopause because you are having hot flashes, etc. The Joys of Being Pregnant my ass. Of course I went through this 3 times so I must’ve blanked it all out. I now have four boys (twins). On another note, what is it with boys and their unabashed interest in their privates and body humor?
Randy P
We had two, and I don’t remember my wife complaining about cervix kicks, thank FSM. But plenty of bladder kicks and a lot of heartburn.
Labor was interesting. On the first one, one night she was having stomach cramps, and they started repeating. I said to myself “hmmm, I wonder…” and quietly started timing. When I had enough data I pointed out her stomach cramps were first happening exactly every 20 minutes, and then every 15. And it was her due date.
Second time was quick, as people often report, and at the end she was screaming while pushing. I told her afterward I would be happy never to hear her scream again. It was heart-rending. But she told me she didn’t think the last stage was so bad, she didn’t remember screaming, and all she knew about it was for some reason her voice was hoarse.
Randy P
@dcdl:
I hope when you use the word “boys” you’re not making an unwarranted assumption that we grow out of this.
madmommy
@South of I-10:
Indeed! The little guy was born mid-September, and I was an utterly miserable beached whale with constant heartburn and killer leg cramps. All while chasing a 2 1/2 year old who only wanted to go play at Lafreniere park. Ugh.
@dcdl:
I slept in a recliner for the last month of both pregnancies. It’s really fun when you decide to roll over in your sleep and forget that there’s a giant alien attached to you. It’s a strange and painful feeling when part of you rolls over and part of you does not!
psychobroad
How about that is currently the cutest baby ever? And pregnancy sucks–the heartburn alone almost killed me. But I did it twice and would have had a third if my husband hadn’t said he was tired of being poor. I couldn’t argue with that.
Svensker
@Elie:
I grew up at Birch Bay, the great aunts had cabins and spent every summer there, and the parental units retired there. I was crushed after the old folks died and the last piece of real estate was sold out of the family. Thousands of little crabbies remember me in horror, as I rolled over their rocks just for the joy of seeing them run away. Smell the mudflats for me. Oh, nostalgia pangs.
lurkergirl
At the risk of compromising my lurker status (and sharing too much,) I had two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage and one that was successful, and miscarriages suck much worse.
That said, the successful pregnancy was not a difficult one, apart from all the extra doctor visits, ultrasounds and blood tests to ensure that it didn’t go off the rails like the first two. The boy was a squirmer rather than a kicker, and the hormones totally blissed me out. I was hospitalized ‘for observation’ at 33 weeks because I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia (I literally went straight there from my OB’s office on her orders – I was dressed to go to work and had nothing for a hospital stay) and they kept me there until I was induced 4 days later. Nothing was done at home – I had planned to start my mat leave a month before my due date(the socialist overlords of Canuckistan allow for this) so I’d have plenty of time to get ready and then reality intervened….
thank god for epidurals. I hate needles with a passion and the idea of anything going into my spine but after 7 hours of
TooManyJens
I mostly really liked being pregnant. There were some aches, certainly, and weird blood sugar issues, and food aversions, and hyper-sensitive smelling, and bursting into tears in the baby store, but all that was far outweighed by OMG I HAVE A LITTLE PERSON IN ME. MY LITTLE PERSON.
NGL, though, the first week or so after giving birth was rough. The first comment on the linked post — yeah.
master c
Hated being pregnant.
Horrible. But I don’t think about that 10 years on.
Love the kids….love love love em.
Paris
Is there a baby bowl anywhere to compete with the puppy bowl?
That would be a great reality show.
Svensker
@de stijl:
I have a friend whose child has cluster headaches. An absolute nightmare. The kid has dropped out of college, quit her job and is basically incapacitated 5 out of 7 days. She frequently vomits from the pain. So far, her doctors have not been able to come up with anything that helps. It is simply devastating to all involved.
Peace to you if you are suffering them.
lurkergirl
FYWP!! Let’s try this again:
At the risk of compromising my lurker status (and sharing too much,) I had two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage and one that was successful, and miscarriages suck much worse.
That said, the successful pregnancy was not a difficult one, apart from all the extra doctor visits, ultrasounds and blood tests to ensure that it didn’t go off the rails like the first two. The boy was a squirmer rather than a kicker, and the hormones totally blissed me out. I was hospitalized ‘for observation’ at 33 weeks because I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia (I literally went straight there from my OB’s office on her orders – I was dressed to go to work and had nothing for a hospital stay) and they kept me there until I was induced 4 days later. 14 hours later (half without epidural and half with blessed pain relief) there he was.
They kept him three weeks in the neonatal ICU (just until he could nurse on his own – I’ll spare the men my breast-pumping adventures) and now he’s three and the joy of my life. And that little sweet pea up above is making me tear up a bit – so cute!
R-Jud
@dcdl:
Do these ever go away? I got off pretty lightly in that department– just the veins inside the thigh near the kneecap– but as I’ve lost the weight, it’s starting to look pretty scary, especially right after a run or a heavy lift.
Liz
This is by far the most fun, mature, and informative thread I’ve ever read on the subject. :-) I have two kids, and I can’t remember ever getting the spine shattering, brain freezing kicks. Maybe I just blocked it all out. I do a lot of that, even now.
My only piece of advice is don’t believe a thing you learn in childbirth class. It won’t work out that way, trust me.
R-Jud
@Liz:
I think I got really, really lucky in that my childbirth class was pretty much dead on. The two ladies who ran it treated us all– even the single, initially very frightened, 17-year-old– like grownups. And they were dry and witty and made terrific tea.
canuckistani
That’s one cute kid – possibly the cutest male child I’ve seen. And there is nothing like a nice rack of babytoes for a snack when you’re hungry. But girl ones are better, being made of sugar and spice and not so much of the snails and puppy parts.
Svensker
@Liz:
Yes, this, very much this.
The one thing I learned from being pregnant is that sometimes the only way out is through.
madmommy
@Liz:
I went into childbirth class knowing with near certainty that I would end up with a C-section. The husband is 6′ 4″ and I’m not petite, but otherwise there were no complications, I just had a feeling.
@R-Jud:
I don’t think they ever go away. You can mitigate them somewhat by not sitting for long periods and not crossing your legs at the knee if you can help it. I’ve also gotten into the habit of putting my feet up whenever I can. It seems to help me, YMMV. I have also found that using self-tanner during shorts season seems to make them less noticable.
bemused
I vividly remember one pregnancy. This little guy would periodically decide he wanted to punch & kick his way outta there. You could easily see the bulges from head, feet pop out all over my stomach as he was doing somersaults. This would go on for several minutes that felt much longer. It wasn’t painful as much as uncomfortable but I sure didn’t feel like running or even walking until he settled down.
After he was born, he had colic the first 3-4 months. He was a lousy napper & quit naps completely before he was even two, a very active toddler. It was exhausting.
Who knew he would become a very quiet, focused adult who loves to do triathalons including a couple of Iron Man events, which is probably why he sleeps like he is in a coma now.
Comrade Dread
I’m sure my wife would say that the inconveniences, the swelling, the nausea, the vomiting, the heartburn, the periodic contractions, and the inability to stand up from a sitting position on her own for the last three months was worth it to have the joy of our baby in our lives.
I’m sure she would say that were she not in the bathroom vomiting thanks to the presence of soon to arrive bundle of joy #2.
flukebucket
@Liz:
I second that. Just as Mike Tyson once said, “Everybody has a plan until they get hit in the mouth”
Persia
@birthmarker: Me neither. The ribs though. OMG my ribs hurt for I think a straight month.
acallidryas
@eastriver
Congrats! I have a friend who adopted a baby from Ethiopia. It took a while for her, but was totally worth it-and not too many hitches, either. The kid is two and a half now and one of the cutest, happiest toddlers ever. The biggest problem my friend had in the whole process was with her two spoiled cats who were not happy about the intruder. They’ve grudgingly accepted that the kid is there to stay, now.
DOminique (MBA EyeDoc)
This was a fun read. My biggest pain with my son was the time at about 28 weeks that he decided to turn and get his head “down”. I felt as if my uterus was being pulled out of my body. No fun…
I am a tall naturally thin girl (5’11”) by nature but I gained an unbelievable amount of weight with my son (around 70 – 75 lbs). It was weird — my ankles and hands didn’t swell and if you saw me from the back you might think I was a little “thick” but definitely not fat. My OB started weighing me backwards once I hit the 200 lb mark because I weighed more than my husband at that point and she didn’t want me to lose focus by seeing the numbers on the scale. It was pretty shocking that I had gained that much weight for a 7 lb 15 oz baby*!
I only gained 45 lbs with my darling daughter so go figure.
*We were told that he was going to be 10+ lbs while I was pregnant and that was part of the reason that I was so big (all belly). The OB was just flat out wrong (even with multiple ultrasounds) just wrong! It’s all good though because he is now 7 years old and long and lean, ridiculously smart and awfully cute .
R-Jud
@DOminique (MBA EyeDoc):
EXACT same situation here, except they didn’t predict a heavy baby– they could see she was long and all legs in the ultrasound. I’m 5’11”, I gained almost 60 lbs with my kid, and she was only 7 lb 13 oz (but 24″ long). What’s weird is that I didn’t look that much heavier until after she was out.
I’ve lost 48 lbs so far. These last 12 are a TOTAL bitch.
Ella in NM
@Elie:
Awesome.
Dominique (MBA EyeDoc)
@R-Jud:
Hang in there — I had a more problems losing weight with my daughter. With my son, I got lucky (?!?!). Our lives got really chaotic after his birth where my husband’s company merged and moved to another state. Not wanting to move, we both went into job search mode with a small infant. The weight disappeared.
We ended up moving anyway…
I wouldn’t recommend the “stress” method of weight loss. Pushing a stroller is much more fun…
dcdl
@R-Jud:
Mine for the most part went away. I’m whiter than white so you can see them to a degree, but at least they aren’t sticking out and huge like they were when I was pregnant. But then again I no longer where shorts just capris. It’s better for everyone (nothing like white legs with blue veins).
Damned at Random
My stepdaughter is 3 weeks from her due date and is sure the baby will break one of her ribs. Also, sometimes she stands up and has the sensation that an arm is hanging out of her vagina (I told her it wouldn’t be that easy)
bemused
@Damned at Random:
That made me laugh.
R-Jud
@Dominique (MBA EyeDoc):
I’m sort of experiencing the “stress” method of weight gain, unfortunately. I’d have dropped it a lot faster had my job not completely changed focus in May.
And yes, pushing a stroller is fun, but I prefer 15-mile runs and 240-lb deadlifts, myself. ;-)
asiangrrlMN
SamKitten is incredibly, impossibly cute. Dang, RedKitten, you did really well with him. He looks so healthy and happy, too. I have never wanted to have children, but I would have liked to experience pregnancy.
DPirate
Only future republicans kick you in the cervix. They never stop, either.
Ruckus
My sister said that her migraines were far far worse than the cancer that killed her. She couldn’t believe all the pain meds she was prescribed for the cancer that didn’t do anything for the migraine pain. She usually required a shot that put her to sleep for her migraines. And childbirth was long enough ago and I think she had blocked out any bad memories of that.
Ruckus
@RedKitten:
Gotta say girl, ya done good!
Great looking kid. And you have some great pics on your site. I never got to meet any of my great grand parents and only 3 of my grand parents so hangin with his great grandad is pretty awesome in my book.
mandarama
The article made me laugh heartily. Yes, it’s all true. And there’s even more of it that she didn’t cover. My two pregnancies had no actual problems, but the so-called “little” pains were so tiresome…sciatica, heartburn, swollen feet, having your bladder smashed flat as a pancake for weeks. What was worse for me was the mental situation, though. Evidently, I don’t respond well to the hormones–I developed a lot of anxiety, rage, etc. I got through that just fine, but the fact that my husband survived it is more remarkable! I mean, I threw things and yelled and so on. Weird. I also got real funny about not wanting to travel ANYwhere. Not even 45 mins away.
Childbirth was just long and felt like the supreme menstrual cramps from hell. I had a doula and midwives, though, so I got plenty of support for dealing with the pain. (Needles in the back = too skeery for me! I’m a medical wimp.) I just wanted to be left alone and make racket. Each birth was different, but both were amazing experiences. In the photos, I’m all jacked up on endorphins and I look like a happy drunk. And the best part about the midwives is that thanks to their mad skillz I had no stitches, even with #2 weighing 9.5 lbs.
Baby days are hard…I was sleep-deprived with boy child #1 until I could weep with it. But it was still simple, you know? You function, you nurse, you diaper, you wash clothes, you tote baby. Now my little boys come home and ask questions like, “Why did someone kill Martin?” (LK Jr.–they are on a 1st name basis with all historical figures.) Very hard and painful to explain this world to them.
kelly
I’m usually a lurker but wanted to say congrats to those that choose to have them. Me and my two sisters (and our husbands) decided cats and dogs are easier. My mom said she’s seen me with a paper cut and couldn’t imagine me pregnant. : >
She also went into labor in 1966 and had one kid and was placed in recovery. About 15 minutes later a nurse realized she was still pregnant. I was born 22 minutes after my twin. She was 5 lbs but I was 7 lbs 11 ozs. I can’t believe they missed me all those months (though an ultrasound tech said the technology they had in 1966 wouldn’t even be as good as a fish finder).
Best wishes to all those that adopt or give birth – you are braver than me by a long shot.