Republican Stupidity

Might as well go straight to the regime’s legacy propaganda organ for the scoop: (Fox “News”)

FIRST ON FOX — President Donald Trump reportedly has already fired Attorney General Pam Bondi, according to two sources familiar with the matter who spoke with Fox News Digital.

Bondi met with Trump in the Oval Office Wednesday night ahead of his speech to the nation on the war in Iran, where she reportedly was informed of her ouster, according to two sources familiar with the meeting.

One of those sources said that by the time Trump took his place behind the podium for the address, Bondi already had lost her job and was on her way back to Florida.

No indication that Bondi received a face-saving, make-work job like Noem’s Shield Maiden of the Americas gig. That’s because Bondi screwed the pooch on the Epstein cover up. Sucks to be her.

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Speaking of that awful speech last night, I think the Associated Press is usually a decent mainstream news source. But like other legacy media outlets, they’re still trying to cover an authoritarian cult of personality as if it operated within the traditional civic democratic ecosystem of yore.

So they end up lying on the authoritarian’s behalf with jaw-dropping whoppers like this analysis of the speech Trump delivered last night:

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump used his first major address since launching his war in Iran to assure Americans that all of his military objectives will be completed “shortly” and urge an increasingly skeptical electorate to give him a little bit more time.

Trump in his Wednesday evening speech dialed back the bluster that’s dominated his rhetoric in recent days as world markets convulse and a badly battered Iran is still landing some effective blows on Gulf neighbors’ infrastructure and U.S. bases.

No one who watched that speech and aimed to describe it honestly could make such an assertion. Here are verbatim excerpts that are textbook examples of bluster dialed up to 11 with the knob on the Blusterator™️ ripped off:

In these past four weeks, our armed forces have delivered swift, decisive, overwhelming victories on the battlefield. Victories like few people have ever seen before. Tonight, Iran’s navy is gone. Their air force is in ruins. Their leaders, most of them, terrorist regime, they led, are now dead.

Never in the history of warfare has an enemy suffered such clear and devastating large-scale losses in a matter of weeks. Our enemies are losing and America, as it has been for five years under my presidency, is winning, and now winning bigger than ever before.

Before discussing this current situation, I also want to thank our troops for the masterful job they did in taking the country of Venezuela in a matter of minutes. That hit was quick, lethal, violent and respected by everyone all over the world. After rebuilding our military during my first term, we have by far the strongest military anywhere in the world.

First, and perhaps most importantly, I killed General Qassem Soleimani. In my first term. He was an evil genius, brilliant person, a horrible human being, however, the father of the roadside bomb. And he lived, just horrible what he did. Iran would have been perhaps in a far better, stronger position had he lived. We would have had probably a different conversation tonight. But you know what? We’d still be winning and winning big.

There would have been no Middle East and no Israel right now, in my opinion — the opinion of a lot of great experts — had I not terminated that terrible deal. I was so honored to do it, I was so proud to do it, it was so bad right from the beginning.

As I stated in my announcement of Operation Epic Fury, our objectives are very simple and clear. We are systematically dismantling the regime’s ability to threaten America or reject power outside of their borders. That means eliminating Iran’s navy, which is now absolutely destroyed, hurting their air force and their missile program at levels never seen before and annihilating their defense industrial base. We’ve done all of it. Their navy is gone. Their air force is gone. Their missiles are just about used up or beaten.

The United States has never been better prepared economically to confront this threat. You all know that. We built the strongest economy in history. We’re going through it right now, the strongest in history. And one year we’ve taken a dead and crippled country. I hate to say that, but we were a dead and crippled country after the last administration and made it the hottest country anywhere in the world by far, with no inflation, record setting investments coming into the United States, over $18 trillion and the highest stock market ever with 53 all-time record highs in just one year.

Tonight, every American can look forward to a day when we are finally free from the wickedness of Iranian aggression and the specter of nuclear blackmail. Because of the actions we have taken, we are on the cusp of ending Iran’s sinister threat to America and the world. And I’ll tell you, the world is watching. And when we do, when it’s all over, the United States will be safer, stronger, more prosperous and greater than it has ever been before.

“Sane-washing” seems too tame a word for the practice of describing the stream of bloodthirsty, juvenile drivel that dribbled out of Trump’s misshapen and increasingly saggy piehole as “dialed back bluster.” So does “hackery.”

Anyhoo, open thread.

Bondi Shit-Canned, Plus That Fucking SpeechPost + Comments (183)

It’s horrifying to acknowledge that the theocratic authoritarians who govern Iran are more credible than the demented U.S. president and the band of appointed psychopaths currently running this country, but here we are. From the Wall Street Journal’s breaking news coverage:

Trump, Iran Trade Barbs Over Control of Strait of Hormuz

President Trump said “Iran’s new regime president” had just asked the U.S. for a cease-fire, in a post on his Truth Social network. Iran has a new supreme leader but not a new president. “We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear,” Trump wrote. Trump plans to address the nation on the war Wednesday at 9 p.m. ET.

Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps said the Strait of Hormuz remains firmly under its control and dismissed Trump’s “performative actions,” while the Foreign Ministry said Trump’s statements about Tehran’s request for a cease-fire are false and baseless. An Iranian official said the country’s new supreme leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, “is in full health” but staying out of the public eye due to “wartime conditions.”

I mean, who knows if the junior Khamenei is in one piece or not, but the tell on Trump, as the WSJ notes, is that Iran doesn’t have a new president, and oops, we killed the last one. It’s possible Trump is DMing Borat.

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Bill is home today and watching news coverage on TV, so I’m involuntarily exposed to it too. According to the reporters on CNN, Trump’s bid to overturn the 14th Amendment didn’t fare well. (Also, we learned that Solicitor General D. John Sauer, clownishly making the clown admin’s clown case, has a voice that is as grating as RFK Jr.’s.)

My guess? Alito and Thomas will be the only two of the six corrupt GOP ideologues to rule in Trump’s favor. The court will release the decision along with another decision that finishes gutting the Voting Rights Act, and the dumber pundits will praise the court’s “moderation.”

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That’s all I’ve got, besides this adorable flamingo content from Bluesky (H/T: espierce):

Here are ten seconds of Flamingoes feeding underwater.

[image or embed]

— DAPPER DON DHARSHI (@dapperdondharshi.bsky.social) March 30, 2026 at 9:39 AM

The odd shape of the beak totally makes sense now.

Open thread!

War Piggies, Etc.Post + Comments (151)