Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

It’s a doggy dog world.

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

A consequence of cucumbers

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

The willow is too close to the house.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

You are here: Home / Politics / “If President Bush Ate a Baby…”

“If President Bush Ate a Baby…”

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Reason #12274282 why I hate protests/rallies, regardless the issue:

“I’ll tell you why I’m here,” the MoveOn woman said. Then she suddenly began to scream at the top of her lungs. “BABIES DIED OF DEHYDRATION IN MY COUNTRY! BABIES!”

“Support our president,” the Bush woman said.

“Supporting the president is great, but supporting the people and the Constitution is more important!” the MoveOn woman said. “THE CONSTITUTION AND THE BABIES ARE DYING! IT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY PRESIDENT, AND YOU KNOW THAT IN YOUR HEART!”

“Support our president,” the Bush woman said. And then she turned away and added, “I have a right to say what I think.”

At that point, a crowd was beginning to gather around the two women. Another woman from MoveOn came up and pulled her screaming colleague away. “Don’t make this the event,” she told her.

The crowd kept chanting. “IMPEACH BUSH! IMPEACH BUSH! FIRE BROWN! FIRE BROWN!” But off to the side, another voice was added to the general noise. A man named Kristinn Taylor, an active member of the conservative group FreeRepublic in Washington, stood off to the side with a handmade sign that said, SHAME ON MOVEON — EXPLOITING KATRINA VICTIMS. Some of the protesters moved toward him to begin what might be called a high-minded debate.

“YOU’RE AN IDIOT!” a woman yelled at Taylor after Taylor blamed New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin for failing to evacuate the city.

Just then, a man walked up to Taylor and said, “If George Bush ate a baby, would you defend him?”

“That’s absurd,” Taylor answered.

“Well, that’s kind of where you’re at right now,” the man said.

Byron York describes the entire silly event(s).

Reader Interactions

74Comments

  1. 1.

    cd6

    hold up

    what ethnicity is the baby. also, is it adorble? if its an ugly baby i hope he doesn’t expect airtime on the news

  3. 3.

    jg

    Some Moveon lady is an idiot so there can be no protests ever again.

    Anyone from Free Republic is an apologist. Bush can do no wrong in their eyes. That was the point of the other moveon idiot.

  4. 4.

    Mike S

    Freepers and some of the move on people are just two sides of the same coin. Except that move on got something like 144,000 beds for refugees.

  5. 5.

    SeesThroughIt

    Actually, the key exchange, to me, is this one:

    “Well, don’t you think there’s a reason we all hate him?” the man continued.

    “Yes,” Taylor answered. “Because you are all pathological in your hatred of him.”

    “Of course,” the man said, as a few more people began laughing. “And why is that?”

    “Because you’re a bunch of loony liberals!” Taylor answered, as everyone cracked up.

    To the Taylors of the world, hating Bush is mindstate that is simply a pathology, which means nobody who is anti-Bush needs to be taken at all seriously. Which means any and all criticism aimed at Bush is immediately null and void, as though there can be no reasonable criticism of him. Which, of course, is completely stupid.

    Goddamn right I hate Bush. I didn’t when he first took office. I didn’t hate him after 9/11. But I absolutely loathe him now because of his utter incompetence, inability to correct mistakes, and pigheaded stubbornness. It’s not just because I decided out of the clear blue sky that I’d like to hate the president, as this doofus Taylor and his ilk would like to think. I hate him because of what he has done to this country. I’m not just flinging contempt toward the White House because it seems like a fun thing to do; George Bush has earned it through his decisions, policies, and actions (or lack thereof). If he wasn’t such an embarassment of a president, I wouldn’t feel this way. But all the Taylors of the country–and sadly, there are a lot of them–think is, “Someone not like Bush? But that unpossible!”

    That said, I agree that protests, for the most part, are pretty stupid. As is going to a protest to protest the protest.

  7. 7.

    SteveMGalbraith

    John:
    Mark Steyn remarked today that:

    “I wake up to hundreds of e-mails, as I’m sure you do, from angry lefties every morning. And we know that they’re actually very good at using words of four letters and all the rest of it. What they’re not so good at is actually coming up with practical proposals, and practical solutions about how you handle these things. ”

    He must be making that up? Can’t be true.

    SMG

  8. 8.

    capelza

    Is this THE Kristenn Taylor of Free Republic? He’s like famous and really dedicated, devoted is a better word. A True Believer.

    These two groups and all their ilk should be given some place to go have at each other till they drop. Anyone ever see that ancient Star Trek where the anti-matter Joshua and the matter Joshua wound up fighting in some other dimension for all eternity, but the two alternate universes were saved?

  9. 9.

    slide

    Goddamn right I hate Bush. I didn’t when he first took office. I didn’t hate him after 9/11. But I absolutely loathe him now because of his utter incompetence, inability to correct mistakes, and pigheaded stubbornness. It’s not just because I decided out of the clear blue sky that I’d like to hate the president, as this doofus Taylor and his ilk would like to think. I hate him because of what he has done to this country

    AMEN

  10. 10.

    Mike S

    To the Taylors of the world, hating Bush is mindstate that is simply a pathology, which means nobody who is anti-Bush needs to be taken at all seriously. Which means any and all criticism aimed at Bush is immediately null and void, as though there can be no reasonable criticism of him. Which, of course, is completely stupid.

    The funny thing is that freepers are constantly talking about “hitlery” and their hatred of all things Clinton.

  12. 12.

    SeesThroughIt

    Bill Brasky once ate a homeless person on a dare.

    Thanks for making me spray ginger ale all over my computer.

    “Bill Brasky’s family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.”

  13. 13.

    tBone

    These two groups and all their ilk should be given some place to go have at each other till they drop.

    Let me be the first to announce my support of President Bush’s initiative for a manned Mars mission, then.

    Nah, on second thought – some of them might survive and still be there when the rest of us get out there. They’d be like the Reavers on Firefly, only more stupid.

  14. 14.

    DougJ

    Just then, a man walked up to Taylor and said, “If George Bush ate a baby, would you defend him?”

    That is absurd — course he would. And he’d smear those who criticized Bush for it. After all, the baby was either an imminent threat or was giving aid and comfort to the enemy, or both. Anyway, the baby’s gone now, and we shouldn’t play the blame game at such a critical juncture. There will be plenty of time for that after Bush is done digesting the baby. And the reports of Bush eating the baby were poorly sourced, even if they did turn out to be true, and the reporter who wrote the story is on an anti-Bush jihad. Words have consequences, you know. There’s riots going on right now among babies because of this story. And people died in these riots (other babies, in fact). Why do you hate America?

  15. 15.

    DougJ

    Just then, a man walked up to Taylor and said, “If George Bush ate a baby, would you defend him?”

    That is absurd — course he would. And he’d smear those who criticized Bush for it. After all, the baby was either an imminent threat or was giving aid and comfort to the enemy, or both. Anyway, the baby’s gone now, and we shouldn’t play the blame game at such a critical juncture. There will be plenty of time for that after Bush is done digesting the baby. And the reports of Bush eating the baby were poorly sourced, even if they did turn out to be true, and the reporter who wrote the story is on an anti-Bush jihad. Words have consequences, you know. There’s riots going on right now among babies because of this story. And people died in these riots (other babies, in fact). Why do you hate America?

  16. 16.

    DougJ

    I’m really sorry about all the double posts. I’m going to have to stop posting from this machine — it’s the same machine that others have used to pose as me while I wasn’t looking ;)

  17. 17.

    DougJ

    Newsflash: the baby’s mother has aligned herself with Michael Moore and MoveOn.org. She’s nothing but a mouth piece for the far left. John Cole has several damaging quotes she made about Israeli support for baby-eating, all of them taken out of context.

    Wait, another newsflash: The parents of other babies eaten by Bush are launching a “You don’t speak for me tour.” They are proud that their babies died for a noble cause — the cause of sating the president’s hunger.

  18. 18.

    stickler

    That said, I agree that protests, for the most part, are pretty stupid. As is going to a protest to protest the protest.

    During the first Gulf War I first became aware of this phenomenon (I was too young to know anything about the anti-hippie stuff in 1971). A co-worker in the cubicle next to me called the “yes to war” rally the anti-anti-war-protest-protest.

    The term has stuck with me ever since. When you see one of these, you can be sure that much absurdity has already occurred, and that much more is on the way.

  20. 20.

    capelza

    DougJ Says:

    Newsflash: the baby’s mother has aligned herself with Michael Moore and MoveOn.org. She’s nothing but a mouth piece for the far left. John Cole has several damaging quotes she made about Israeli support for baby-eating, all of them taken out of context.

    Wait, another newsflash: The parents of other babies eaten by Bush are launching a “You don’t speak for me tour.” They are proud that their babies died for a noble cause—the cause of sating the president’s hunger.

    Bwhaaaaaahahahaaa…who ARE you?

  21. 21.

    tBone

    Anyway, the baby’s gone now, and we shouldn’t play the blame game at such a critical juncture. There will be plenty of time for that after Bush is done digesting the baby.

    DougJ, you may have multiple personality disorder, but that was frickin’ hilarious.

  22. 22.

    DougJ

    No one anticipated the baby would die from being eaten. I opened up the papers the next day and it said “Baby Dodges Bullet: Was Swallowed Whole.”

  24. 24.

    chadwig

    The woman who keeps saying “support the President” is ignorant and dangerous. The others are pissed because they are powerless to change their representation.

    I think the lady who kept insisting “support the President” is much much more dangerous. Her kind of ignorant servitude is what allowed Germans to support Hiltler.

    Please note: I don’t mean to campare Bush to Hilter.

  27. 27.

    SeesThroughIt

    That is absurd—course he would. And he’d smear those who criticized Bush for it. After all, the baby was either an imminent threat or was giving aid and comfort to the enemy, or both. Anyway, the baby’s gone now, and we shouldn’t play the blame game at such a critical juncture. There will be plenty of time for that after Bush is done digesting the baby. And the reports of Bush eating the baby were poorly sourced, even if they did turn out to be true, and the reporter who wrote the story is on an anti-Bush jihad. Words have consequences, you know. There’s riots going on right now among babies because of this story. And people died in these riots (other babies, in fact). Why do you hate America?

    DougJ, I don’t know if this is MPD, a name-jacking, an epiphany, or what…but the above is freakin’ fantastic.

  28. 28.

    DougJ

    And where was Governor Blanco while the baby was being eaten? Shouldn’t she bear some of the responsibility for the baby being eaten?

  29. 29.

    x-dhimmi

    DougJ, The Democrat plan is in the Constitution. You know, the one that guarantees abortion rights. Eating babies is the backup plan, don’t you see? Peace!

  30. 30.

    jobiuspublius

    “Support our president,” the Bush woman said. And then she turned away and added, “I have a right to say what I think.”

    Ask not what your emperor can do for you … . Support for Worst POTUS Ever trumps dead babies, American babies no less, at home. Where’s the compassion and patriotism?

    Notice that she did not say: “You have a right to say what you think.”

  32. 32.

    Steve S

    To hell with compassion. Where’s my fucking tax cut this year. The President promised me a tax cut!

    And none of that Estate Tax bullshit either. My parents ain’t going to die for another 20-30 years, so that won’t help me none.

  33. 33.

    SeesThroughIt

    I demand at once that Democrats come forward and denounce Baby Eating as a Olympic sport!

    But the whole reason I maintain amateur baby-eating status is so I can compete in the Olympics! Don’t you take my Olympic dreams from me!

  34. 34.

    Mike S

    Great stuff, Dougj.

    Check out this post from a school teacher in NJ. The funny thing about morons like this is that they are typically total cowards.

    Al-Qaeda now knows that Homeland Security has squandered millions, perhaps billions in useless exercises and programs than have fallen flat when reality struck as in what has occurred in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast regions. A WMD attack must be coordinated and launched against two distinct targets, preferably East and West (Left) Coast cities. A nuke or two, even if low yield, will devastate America. A Hobbesian “war of all against all” will emerge as the criminal, opportunistic, and seditious elements strike out. Expect heavily armed and infuriated conservatives to launch a cleansing war against the traitors. The armed will mow down the mostly unarmed segments, especially those elements that devoted forty-plus years to anti-American hatred to destroy this country. Should the likes of Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn, Michael Parenti, Michael Moore, Ward Churchill, Dennis [sic] Raimondo, et al. act out their sedition in a just-nuked America, expect their bodies to be found shot full of holes. Expect gun battles at banks, food stores, ATMs, gas stations, and outside hospitals. Leftist professors will be strung up. It will be every man, woman, and child for themselves.

    I’d love for this guy to come after me. His students wouldn’t recognise him after I was through.

  35. 35.

    DougJ

    Don’t blame Condi. The title of the memo was so vague: “Bush determined to eat baby.” There was no actionable intelligence.

  36. 36.

    DougJ

    What kind of approval numbers would Bush get on the baby eating issue? I’m guessing about 35% of the country would say they approved of Bush eating the baby.

  37. 37.

    DougJ

    The thing is: the memo didn’t say which baby Bush was going to eat. There was really nothing DHS could do to stop him.

  39. 39.

    DougJ

    Don’t worry, though, the baby was flow to Egypt which does not forbid baby-eating, so no laws were broken.

    And they managed to get a lot of valuable information out of the baby before he was eaten.

  40. 40.

    Defense Guy

    You Bush hating lefties never bother to mention the mothers culpability. How could she just stand there while he ate her baby? If she was any sort of American whose baby was worth saving, she would have at least tried to stop him. But did she? DID SHE?

    You people make me sick. How do you sleep at night?

    As to the MoveOn protest. Very slick, corporate like. Impressive in an organized for publicity and having a hundred or so folks there sort of way. Where have all the hand made signs gone? There is just no pride in craftmanship in protests anymore. Call it the WalMartization of the protest biz.

  41. 41.

    jg

    Call it the WalMartization of the protest biz.

    I can’t even say that word. I nearly chipped a tooth. Anything easier on the mouth. :-)

  44. 44.

    demimondian

    What kind of approval numbers would Bush get on the baby eating issue? I’m guessing about 35% of the country would say they approved of Bush eating the baby

    DougJ, I don’t know what’s got into you. The President has a vision for America, one in which no child is left. He’s a uniter, as he shows when he fuses the babies he eats with himself.

  46. 46.

    DougJ

    I kind of like that movie, too, mac buckets.

    I like that Hall and Oates song “One on One” too. Those guys never get the credit they deserve. But sometimes I wonder…why does Hall and Oates America?

  47. 47.

    DougJ

    The awful thing is that if he ate a baby and then Kanye West said “George Bush does not care about babies” he’d be pilloried by John Cole, Rush Limbaugh, and the rest.

  50. 50.

    chadwig

    chadwig! Congrats on the Godwin post.

    JT! Congrats! By promoting Godwin’s “Law” you risk serious ignorance by dismissing the greatest man-made tragedy in the history of the world as a potential learning experience. Speak no evil etc..

  51. 51.

    DougJ

    you risk serious ignorance by dismissing the greatest man-made tragedy in the history of the world as a potential learning experience.

    Remember, we’re going to look at this and see if anything went wrong. What went wrong, we’ll change, what went right, we’ll duplicate. It’s probably for the best — next time a huge surge comes over the cheaply fortified levees of a major city that lies below sea level, the incompetent political hacks who run FEMA will be better prepared.

  52. 52.

    GT

    Hey, Godwin’s is simply the observation that the chance of Nazis being mentioned increases the longer a thread continues.

    I was just congradulating you on brining in the Hitler reference early.

    If I was trying to actualy critisize I’d have called you on the carpet for this..

    I think the lady who kept insisting “support the President” is much much more dangerous. Her kind of ignorant servitude is what allowed Germans to support Hiltler.

    Please note: I don’t mean to campare Bush to Hilter.

    Noooooo..

    you’re comparing Bush supporters to German Nazis.

    That’s much better. ^_^

  55. 55.

    DougJ

    Were there other Nazis I should know about other than German Nazis? Am I wrong to assume that all Nazis were bad? Maybe the other were ones were okay and just got a bad rap. Kind of like Michael Brown.

  56. 56.

    Shygetz

    Don’t worry, though, the baby was flow to Egypt which does not forbid baby-eating, so no laws were broken.

    See, Bush ate the baby there so we wouldn’t have to eat the baby here. And besides, the Democrats woke up a sleeping baby in 1995, so both sides do it.

  57. 57.

    Krista

    DougJ for president!!! This is the best damned thing I’ve read in weeks. I’m going to be giggling all day at inappropriate moments.

  58. 58.

    Mark-NC

    DougJ:

    Have you switched sides? Funny stuff – sounds like the Daily Show.

    John Stewart would be proud to come up with a theme that shows Bush in parady so well.

  59. 59.

    p.lukasiak

    Byron York describes the entire silly event(s).

    John, when you are going to discredit your point by using Byron York as a source, please do so at the beginning of your post so that those of us who know better don’t waste our time with it….

  60. 60.

    Pb

    DougJ, that really is hilarious. You should take that show on the road. Or at least collect it all together and post it somewhere. Or if you don’t, do you mind if I do so?

  61. 61.

    chadwig


    GT meowed:
    If I was trying to actualy critisize I’d have called you on the carpet for this..

    I think the lady who kept insisting “support the President” is much much more dangerous. Her kind of ignorant servitude is what allowed Germans to support Hiltler. Please note: I don’t mean to campare Bush to Hilter.

    Noooooo.. you’re comparing Bush supporters to German Nazis. That’s much better. _ Actually, most Germans weren’t Nazi’s. However, they did allow the Nazi’s to take power and didn’t resist in most cases even when it became clear what was happening. So no, you’re wrong. I was not comparing Bush supporters to Nazi’s.
    Take another swing GT but remember, three strikes and you’re out.

  62. 62.

    DougJ

    Or if you don’t, do you mind if I do so?

    By all means, please do. I’m glad you like them. Writing these has been a great way to let off steam about the hurricane and the way all Bush cares about is the politics of it — which I find horribly upsetting as an American (and longtime Republican).

  63. 63.

    DougJ

    President Bush had to eat that baby. The INS was going to send the baby back to his father in Cuba, and this was the only way the baby could stay in the United States.

    Why do you hate freedom?

  65. 65.

    DougJ

    “BABIES DIED OF DEHYDRATION IN MY COUNTRY! BABIES!”

    The awful thing, this is true. Yet Byron York thinks it’s funny.

  67. 67.

    carpeicthus

    At least Bush had a plan to get rid of the baby. Where’s the Democrats’ plan?

    It is very rare that I actually laugh out loud at something I see on the net. It’s a bit weird to be sitting in my office laughing, after all. I truly LOLed at this.

  71. 71.

    DougJ

    David Broder has a piece on baby-eating in today’s Washington Post, called “Nation Divided on Baby Eating”. Here’s an excerpt

    “President Bush’s supporters call eating the baby an act of heroism, his detractors, an act of barbarism. The truth is certainly somewhere in the middle.”

  72. 72.

    Nash

    Why post about this? That’s as silly as the topic you are posting about.
    Are you that idea-deprived you can’t find something important to blog about?

  74. 74.

    DougJ

    You’re right, Nash, I don’t think Bush would eat a baby. But Dick Cheney might. And then he’d say he felt good about it afterwards and that a lot of people had told him it was about time someone in the White House ate a baby.

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