Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Cole, when it comes to calico cats, restraint is overrated.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickel?”

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Biden: Oh no. We’ve upset Big Pharma again.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

“In the future, this lab will be a museum. don’t touch it.”

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

It’s not hopeless, and we’re not helpless.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Elections aren’t won by handwringing, cowering, and/or bashing your own candidates.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Trump makes a mockery of the legal system and cowardly judges just sit back and let him.

Nikki Haley, who can’t acknowledge ‘slavery’, is a pathetic shill.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

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The New Scandal

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I watch Hardball daily because I am a masochist, and I just learned from Chris Matthews that Obama “doesn’t do diners good” and doesn’t make that “regular connection.” Additionally, Matthews was mortified that Obama, when offered a coffee, declined and asked for an orange juice.

Kill me now. A couple more Hardball episodes and I may have to collapse the media and assholes categories into one all-encompassing category.

Reader Interactions

85Comments

  2. 2.

    Media Glutton

    Well, that’s not as bad as Gwen Ifill yesterday on PBS. “It sounds like the Republicans are invested in victory and the Democrats are invested in defeat.” Actual quote. Ugh.

  3. 3.

    Krista

    Additionally, Matthews was mortified that Obama, when offered a coffee, declined and asked for an orange juice.

    Kill me now

    That repetitive thunking sound you hear? It’s me slamming my forehead into my desk, over and over.

    Sweet Jesus Jumping Christ in a hopped-up sidecar. Your country is in a quagmire (giggity!) of a war, your economy is going down the toilet, your administration has approved the use of torture, and Chris Matthew is mortified because Obama wanted orange juice instead of coffee?
    Paris Hilton has more intellectual depth than that man. And better morals, too.

  4. 4.

    Capt. Jean-Luc Pikachu

    Shouldn’t you be catching up on Battlestar Galactica? We lost Scott Horton this week and you’ve been asking your readers to kill you (what seems) a little more than usual. Maybe you need a little less news?

  8. 8.

    jake

    I just learned from Chris Matthews that Obama “doesn’t do diners good”

    I guess Tweets is shocked, shocked that the uppity senator showed no interest in bussing tables or washing the dishes.

    Unless he was referring to the actual patrons in the restaurant, but I’d rather not go there and neither would anyone else.

  9. 9.

    calipygian

    I guess Chris Matthews forgot that there is a housing crisis, a war, we have an administration that has literally tried to suspend the Bill of Rights and Habeas Corpus and the Vice President, National Security Advisor, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of State and Director of the CIA conspired to commit war crimes.

    But Tweety isn’t about issues – he is about ratings. And issues are bummers and ratings disasters. The Black Guy not liking coffee is good for ratings. They’re all trying to sell audiences to advertisers, not trying to tell us anything important, after all.

  10. 10.

    TR

    Be sure to read this Sunday’s feature story on Chris Matthews in the NYTimes Magazine.

    From the excerpts at Media Bistro, it looks like he gets exposed and ridiculed as the shallow assclown he is.

  11. 11.

    JasonC

    calipygian, if matthews actually had to talk about substantiative issues for a whole hour every day, he would literally have nothing to say. he is a vapid, incurious waste of airspace. he doesn’t talk about important things because he knows nothing about them and doesn’t really give a shit.

  12. 12.

    Gus

    That’s what I love about you, John, you’re a hothead. I knew some fresh outrage would get you out of your malaise!

  14. 14.

    Punchy

    I just learned from Chris Matthews that Obama “doesn’t do diners good”

    And I just learned that Matthews haz the grammah skillz of a 5 year-old.

    Fuckin idiot.

  15. 15.

    Demdude

    Don’t foget Tim Russert was there. I believe that makes it teh Stupid squared……

  16. 16.

    Rick Taylor

    He can’t bowl. He smokes when no one’s looking. And now he drinks orange juice instead of coffee? This is as bad as when we found out Kerry wind surfed and ordered a cheesesteak with swiss cheese. May as well concede the election to McCain now and save time.

  17. 17.

    b. hussein canuckistani

    Wasn’t Michelle Malkin bent out of shape recently because Obama didn’t want deep-fried foods? I may be mistaken – I don’t actually vist her website, I just get the dirt filtered through the blogosphere.

  18. 18.

    Jen

    Don’t foget Tim Russert was there.

    I will always remember Jon Stewart — “is that a head, or a container for a head?” and Yglesias’ article, The Unbearable Inanity of Tim Russert.

  19. 19.

    calipygian

    I heard that Obama doesn’t really like beer. I saw a picture of him with a Zima someplace though.

  20. 20.

    Wilfred

    Orange juice because of Florida. Coffee – Colombia. Mark Penn. Pennsylvania. Pencils have black graphite. Obama is black. Makes perfect sense.

  21. 21.

    ThymeZone

    Matthews is one of the most reliable horse’s asses in punditry. He is just a complete buffoon masquerading as some sort of authority … on anything.

    For real entertainment, you gotta sit back and enjoy Matthews chatting it up with the redoubtable Tucker Carlson. Matthews grins and spits and Carlson frowns. It’s one of the dumber acts on tv.

  23. 23.

    John Cole

    Actually, the funniest thing ever written about Tim Russert was the Poorman’s apology to him over the number of editorial mistakes he had made over the size of his head.

    I wish I could find a link to it.

  24. 24.

    Zifnab

    I guess I’m not running for President anytime soon, I don’t drink alcohol….

    Hey, wait. Didn’t Bush give up booze after he tea toddled his way through a Congressional campaign and face-planted into finding Jesus?

    My god, that makes the “… like to have a beer with thing…” about a thousand times dumber and it took me eight years to realize it. I feel stupid just for living in this country.

  25. 25.

    Tsulagi

    Paris Hilton has more intellectual depth than that man. And better morals, too.

    After watching One Night in Paris, I agree with you.

  26. 26.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    A man like Fred Thompson drinks 20W-50 motor oil with his steak and chicken-fried eggs breakfast and smells a manly melange of cigars, leather and wet prune farts.

  27. 27.

    demkat620

    Did you stick around for the part where Pat Buchanan announced the next war(Iran) and how this was going to secure the victory for McCain?

    Apparently, it will be as overwhelmingly as easy and successful as Grenada.

    I wanted to throw up.

  29. 29.

    isit2009yet

    Yep, Uncle Pat is anticipating an “October surprise”…that’ll get voters to vote Republican.

  30. 30.

    Blue Raven

    And you just know that if he’d been man enough to order a coffee, Obama would’ve taken flak from Matthews if he dared do anything other than drink it black. After all, John McCain uses an IV drip of caffeine and cuts out the middleman!

  32. 32.

    Ted

    Be sure to read this Sunday’s feature story on Chris Matthews in the NYTimes Magazine.

    That article is already out, and can be read right now. It’s absolutely hilarious. The guy is, simultaneously, full of himself, and insecure. He’s apparently almost literally a lapdog of Russert, feels threatened by David Gregory, and can’t stand Olbermann.

    And apparently after having been on, and seen his own shows on, TV for over a decade, he’s still mesmerized when he sees himself come on the screen.

    I just wish he were aware of that perfect comparison Atrios made about the Olbermann/Matthews pairing: the dog show hosts in Best in Show.

  33. 33.

    Brachiator

    Ted Says:

    Be sure to read this Sunday’s feature story on Chris Matthews in the NYTimes Magazine.

    That article is already out, and can be read right now. It’s absolutely hilarious.

    Here is a link to the article, The Aria of Chris Matthews

  34. 34.

    Dennis - SGMM

    I watch Hardball daily because I am a masochist…

    OTOH, I did see on Matthews that Elton John held a benefit concert for the Clinton campaign. One queen takes care of another and neither knows how to dress.

  41. 41.

    Blue Raven

    If Obama had ordered tea, the election would be over. No exaggeration.

    I wish you were wrong.

  42. 42.

    Ted

    “He wants you on because you’re beautiful,” Matthews said. “And because you’re black.” He handed Washington a business card and told her to call anytime “if you ever want to hang out with Chris Matthews.”

    Everything in that wonderful article is completely believable to anyone who has watched Matthews for years.

  43. 43.

    Ted

    “Did you know that Holy Cross gave me a chair?” Matthews said. “I was excited. I thought it was going to be something like, the Distinguished Chris Matthews Chair of So and So at Holy Cross.” But no, he said. He received an actual chair from the college, emblazoned with the school logo. The chair is now in the middle of the office. And, for what it’s worth, it’s lovely, made of solid wood. “But I was disappointed, I have to admit,” Matthews said.

  44. 44.

    Krista

    Xenos Says:

    If Obama had ordered tea, the election would be over. No exaggeration.

    I wish you were wrong too. But I know you’re not. A sad, sad commentary on the state of affairs, isn’t it?

  45. 45.

    GSD

    The LieberBushCheneyites think that they are sooooo smart nd that they will just ‘launch some limited attacks’ on Iran.

    That’s how stupid they are, they think that will be the end of it and not the beginning.

    God help this country of morons.

    -GSD

  46. 46.

    Ted

    If Obama had ordered tea, the election would be over. No exaggeration.

    But what if he had ordered it like Bill O’Reilly thought a black man would? Help? Hurt?

  47. 47.

    w vincentz

    Scandal huh?
    What about the naked lady’s reflection in Darth Dick’s sunglasses when he was “fly fishing”?
    Now,if it was me, I’d certainly be fishin’ for my fly if a babe like that danced out of the forest and showed up on the stream. Pics at Huffington Post.

  48. 48.

    Rick Taylor

    The Apostasy of Reason

    You can’t decline the coffee, Chris says; ’tis an affront. If you want orange juice, ask for that in addition to the coffee.

    And I’m completely fucking mystified by that. This is one of the many ways in which being at a diner differs from going to a dinner party at the house of a rich doyenne . . . or attending court in the ancien regime: When someone asks if you want coffee in a diner, you can respond however you damn well please. Not in the mood for coffee? Big fucking deal. Prefer a coke or some OJ? Nobody’s offended . . . nobody cares.

    Big Head DC

    “Would you like some coffee?” a waitress asked Sen. Barack Obama at a small diner in Indiana this morning.

    “Nope,” he responded. “Give me some orange juice.”

    A witness said Obama came off awkward and arrogant during the exchange.

  50. 50.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    Yes, this rivals the scandalous behavior of GHWBush who, campaigning in a diner, asked for another “splash” of coffee. And, on another occasion was unfamiliar wit supermarket scanners.

  51. 51.

    DFD

    I suppose now he’ll have to give the “Orange Juice Speech” on the history of beverage relations in this country.

  52. 52.

    vwcat

    Washington Punditry cannot seem to get through their teeny brains that their idea of conventional wisdom is dead.
    They still think like it’s 1992.
    They need to get out of the beltway more.
    You listen to them and they sound like they are a decade behind. Time warp!

  53. 53.

    Jon H

    Yes, drink coffee! Lord knows coffee is an essential domestic crop on which our economy depends. The farmers in the coffee bogs of northern Minnesota depend on good American diners to get them through the long winters.

  55. 55.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    Red Says:

    Is Obama a stealth Mormon?

    April 10th, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  56. 56.

    Conservatively Liberal

    Well, its official, Debbie would be a better presidential candidate than Obama. He can’t even do a diner, and she was able to do Dallas.

    Obama should have done what I did when I hitchhiked across the country in 1980. We got stuck outside Pittsburgh late at night and were not able to get to a diner for dinner. When we hit a diner the next morning, I ordered milk, Pepsi, coffee and a milkshake with my breakfast.

    Cover all of the bases, and you too can ‘do’ a diner right and leave with a grin on your face! ;)

  57. 57.

    Conservatively Liberal

    Oh, and orange juice, can;t forget that! The waitress thought I was nuts, but I tipped good…lol

  59. 59.

    cleek

    We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, Republicans, all swooping and screeching and shitting and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Denver. And a voice was screaming “Can I have some motherfucking Orange Juice? What do I have to do to get some motherfucking Orange Juice?” That’s when I knew this race was not going end well.

  61. 61.

    Silver Owl

    LOL! Chris Matthews is one serious loser. When a man is defined by two beverages that are ingested, digested and pissed out of the body, the human race is fucked.

    Although I am happy he did not talk about corn and poop. I have faith in Matthews that it will be the next non-thinking irrelevant man defining item on Matthews list of “How messed up in the head is Chris Matthews.”

  62. 62.

    Original Lee

    That NYT piece was totally Matthews. (I only watch Hardball occasionally because I prefer to avoid heartburn.) What really bugged me, though, was the NYT ad running on the right side of the screen with photos of McCain and Clinton in very bright and cheery lighting against flag-bedecked backdrops, while Obama’s photo was of his face half in shadow against a black backdrop. Hmmmm, can they make the scary black guy any scarier?

  65. 65.

    Cain

    Rick Taylor Says:

    Obma needs to denounce and reject OJ Simpson.

    I think you got something there. Obama likes OJ, OJ is the first name of OJ Simpson. Obama and OJ both start with O, so there’s a link and since we know that Obama likes OJ, we can say it’s not too much of a leap of faith to say that Obama likes OJ Simpson. But wait.. OJ Simpson is a murderer, a felon, a crook! Obama likes OJ Simpson, that means.. uh.. Obama likes crime?! OBAMA LIKES CRIME! And we know that angry negros gravitates towards crime, then..then that means that Obama is an angry negro because angry negros and obama both like crime. HOLY SHIT, OBAMA IS AN ANGRY NEGRO! ZOMG!

    Wing nut logic at its best. Thank you thank you, I’ll be here all week.

    cain

  66. 66.

    DM

    Boy am I glad I’m not running for office. I’m not really sure the hashbrowns, kielbasa sausage, eggs, toast, and pancakes I had for breakfast quite has enough “manly” power to counter the fact I had green tea (w/ honey no less) and OJ…

    What Matthews needs is his very own NCIS Gibbs style boss to crack him upside the head every time he says something this fucking stupid. And maybe a camera crew to catch it on film…

    Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?

  67. 67.

    Johnny Pez

    Needless to say, if Obama had had the coffee, all the wingnuts would be blaring, “Coffee, huh? Don’t Muslims drink a lot of coffee?”

  68. 68.

    Xenos

    Call the category Massholes.

    If you had ever been to a Patriots game, you would know that the term already has a standard use.

  69. 69.

    jake

    Newer Scandal:

    ZOMG ANGRY BLACK NEGRO WANTS 2 PUT ANGRY GAYS IN THE ARMY! And he had a gay professor! OMG, he’s the angry black muslim christian mixed race married homosectyouall coffee hater!1eleventy

    I’m not going to any of the Brown Squirt sites until I can get a morphine drip running.

  70. 70.

    littlebird

    Sweet Jesus Jumping Christ in a hopped-up sidecar. Your country is in a quagmire (giggity!) of a war, your economy is going down the toilet, your administration has approved the use of torture, and Chris Matthew is mortified because Obama wanted orange juice instead of coffee?

    Don’t laugh. That’s the kind of thing that can convince a man to pass over an articulate, intelligent, successful Vietnam veteran and vote for a functionally illiterate addict whose daddy got him into the National Guard and who ran every business he ever touched straight into the ground. Twice.

  71. 71.

    Bedlam

    Can anyone help a brit trying to keep up with all this…
    Read Hill is 44 ( dont get that title by the way )and I just cant get the hang of that bloggers writing. I have no idea what she’s going on about but her new post is:

    *The hypocritical saga of Obama once again talking out of both sides of his mouth was documented by Hillary supporter Campskunk. Campskunk quotes an Obama supporter surprised by reality:

    “By dusk on Wednesday, the California Obama campaign had purged almost all progressive anti-war activists from its delegate candidate lists. Names of candidates, people who had filed to run to represent Obama at the August Democratic Party National Convention, disappeared, not one by one, but hundreds at a time, from the Party web site listing the eligibles. The list of Obama delegate hopefuls in one northern California congressional district went from a robust 100 to an anemic 23, while in southern California, the list in Congressman Waxman’s district almost slipped out of sight, plunging from a high of 91 candidates to 17. Gone were strong women with independent political bases.”

    Marcy went on to state that the remaining candidates appeared to be mostly “bundlers and their girlfriends“.*

    Wondered what she was going on about. Sorry to put an anti-Obama post here, but didn’t know how to get a real world translation of the Obama bashing.
    Reason I read Balloon Juice, is its a mix of opinions, that doesn’t glorify Obama, but supports him without trying to destroy Hillary. That site is pure venom against one of their own party members. Its bizarre and mostly illegible reading…
    any help appreciated.

  72. 72.

    Xenos

    Bedlam-

    if you take a site like Hillaryis44.com too seriously you will be worthy of your name. This kerfuffle seems to do with the Obama people narrowing down the delegates eligible to represent the Obama camp at the convention. Since Hillary has declared she will try to turn Obama’s delegates, they are making sure to get purely loyal people in there. This is taken as evidence of a secret ant-female / anti-progressive agenda by that well known crypto-fascist, Barack Hitler Obama.

    The Hillbots are trying to gin up scandals and controversies, but the wankers that they are they don’t have to finesse to do so in a slightly coherent manner.

    The 44 refers to the number of the next president – GHWBush was 41., Bill C. was 42, W is 43. Anyone notice that both Bushes are prime numbers? Must mean something for the numerologically inclined.

  73. 73.

    TheFountainHead

    You get what you deserve when you watch Chris Matthews. Everyone here knows that. I laugh at your pain and go back to reading Josh Marshall.

  74. 74.

    Cyrus

    From the Chris Matthews link:

    Matthews volunteered that he was in Cleveland a few years ago to speak at the Case Western Reserve University graduation. “But they didn’t give me an honorary degree,” Matthews said. “Can you believe that? I spoke at the graduation and didn’t get an honorary degree?” He gets a lot of honorary degrees, by the way — 19 if you’re counting, and guess who is counting?

    As we approached the airport gate, Matthews mentioned that he and his wife, Kathleen, have been contemplating a trip to Damascus. It’s something they have wanted to do for a long time. But he worries that he might make an inviting target for a kidnapper. “I can imagine getting some big-name media figure would be a big propaganda catch for them,” Matthews said. “You can imagine what the neocons would say if I were kidnapped. They’d be like, ‘See, Matthews, terrorism isn’t so funny now, is it?’ ”

    Well, how about that? Republicans were right all along. I’m a liberal, and if they could manage this, I would support the terrorists.

    Read Hill is 44 ( dont get that title by the way )

    Whoever gets elected in November will be the 44th president.

  75. 75.

    germ78

    Xenos-

    Ha, and I was thinking it was a sublime Mark Twain literary reference in which Hillary was #44, the mysterious stranger.

    /I keed, because I think Obama is the better candidate by far

  76. 76.

    Xenos

    Per Chaldean numerology, number 41 and 43 are unlucky, 42 refers to great prosperity, and 44 sounds like a recap of the W administration:

    This number is full of the gravest warnings for the future. It foreshadows disasters brought about by association with others; ruin by bad speculations, by partnerships, unions and bad advice. If it comes out in connection with future events one should carefully consider the path one is treading.

    So maybe W is really 44, and Gore’s non-presidency was an occulted 43. 46 sounds good, though:

    This is a good number and is symbolized as “the Sceptre.” It is a promise of authority, power and command. It indicates that reward will come from the productive intellect; that the creative faculties have sown good seeds that will reap a harvest. Persons with this “command” number at their back should carry out their own ideas and plans. It is a fortunate number if it appears in any connection with future events.

    Unfortunately, the same prediction applies to number 27, which was Taft. Without a prediction about giant bathtubs, I just don’t believe it.

  77. 77.

    Cyrus

    So maybe W is really 44, and Gore’s non-presidency was an occulted 43. 46 sounds good, though:

    It’s hard to say. You could probably torture the math enough to move it around by two or three in either direction. I think the “official” way of counting presidents is to count two consecutive terms by the same president as one presidency, but not two nonconsecutive terms, which has happened. And that president who died after a month in office gets counted as president even though he was bedridden the whole time, but vice-presidents don’t get counted even if they were technically in charge for a couple hours while the president was in the hospital or something. I recall lots of only-half-jokingly-horrified posts a year or two ago when Bush was in surgery and therefore more incapacitated than usual, so Cheney was presiding.

  78. 78.

    Krista

    Matthews volunteered that he was in Cleveland a few years ago to speak at the Case Western Reserve University graduation. “But they didn’t give me an honorary degree,” Matthews said. “Can you believe that? I spoke at the graduation and didn’t get an honorary degree?”

    That man is an emotional and intellectual infant. The sooner he has faded into obscurity, the better.

  79. 79.

    Bey

    Sometimes during commercial breaks, Matthews will boast to Olbermann of having restrained himself during the prior segment. “And I reward him with a grape,” Olbermann says.

    Precisely. Matthews is the poster child for the shrieking, squawking, idiotic pundustry. He’s everything that’s wrong with it.

  80. 80.

    Sasha

    Hey, wait. Didn’t Bush give up booze after he tea toddled his way through a Congressional campaign and face-planted into finding Jesus?

    My god, that makes the “… like to have a beer with thing…” about a thousand times dumber and it took me eight years to realize it. I feel stupid just for living in this country.

    Yeah, I couldn’t help but shake my head at the idiocy of the “have a beer with” thing in that light.

    But as always, The Onion is ahead of us.

  81. 81.

    Ed Drone

    A couple more Hardball episodes and I may have to collapse the media and assholes categories into one all-encompassing category.

    Actually, they are not one category, but “assholes” is the major category within which “the media” exists. That is, it is possible to be an asshole without being in the media, but all the media are assholes.

    So when you meet an asshole, you have to be careful to determine if he/she is “the media,” but when you encounter the “media,” you do not have to investigate further.

    Remember the output of assholes and of the media. They are identical.

    Ed

  82. 82.

    Soylent Green

    Maybe if Matthews stopped drinking coffee, he might stop interrupting every guest who ever tried to get a complete sentence out before being interrupted.

  83. 83.

    Kilkee

    The Holy Cross/kidnapping/honorary degree stuff is all of a piece. Absolutely nothing happens in the world of media, sports, art, or dog poop that involves Chris Matthews that does not get big air time on Hardball. Let SNL run a political piece which includes the standard Chris Matthews impersonation and you WILL see it replayed that Monday, probably several times, on Hardball, complete with Chris’ gauzy reflections on “how well he does me.” He is a very sick man, and is presently terrified of, especially, Keith, who continues to rocket past him in ratings, despite not being, in Chris’ view, anywhere near the ‘intellect’ he is. Hell, KO could be almost a ‘regular person’.

  84. 84.

    Gino

    Watch you guys..See if Obama ever salutes US Flag without making his mini moves like shaking his legs, or see him duck any comments about his patriotism as saying, “That is old politics and my campaign is about issues – high gas prices, mortgage crisis, and more like that stuff”

    Here is where I come from. First show me you are a black blooded True American – and that FIRST, then I will listen to you and your ideas about making me better after I have heard your competion.

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