Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

No one could have predicted…

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

You cannot shame the shameless.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

The revolution will be supervised.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

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105Comments

  4. 4.

    JeremyH

    Its about time, that someone recognized the importance of proper punctuation. Blogger’s really need pay more attention to it, I’m going to as well, now.

  5. 5.

    Warren Terra

    This is excellent news! ! For … somebody! ! 1 ! ! ONE!
    (Sorry, the opportunity to use! multiple! exclamation! points! with even some minimal relevance to the post overwhelmed me)

  10. 10.

    The Bearded Blogger

    I like the English language a lot, but it seems to me it likes the charm that only accentuation such as the german umlaut, the frenchy hats on top of vowels or that weird scandinavian dot above the A can provide.

    Also, what’s with these {}? When are you supposed to use them?

  11. 11.

    MikeJ

    We don’t celebrate that holiday in our house because talk Like a Pirate day is more fun and not hard also

    Pirate punctuation:

    ? hook
    ! peg leg

  14. 14.

    cleek

    @The Bearded Blogger:

    Also, what’s with these {}? When are you supposed to use them?

    you use them to delineate a compound statement, or to provide nested scope:

    if (a < 5)
    {
    format(“C:\\”);
    MessageBox(“You lose”);
    }
    else
    {
    MessageBox(“You win. This time.”);
    }

  15. 15.

    MikeJ

    Also, what’s with these {}? When are you supposed to use them?

    my $hash_ref = {};

    I was hacking perl for a bank in Rome once. Perl is a computer language that people always joke looks like line noise because of all the punctuation. There were things I simply could not say in perl using an Italian keyboard because nobody could figure out how to get the proper symbol. (IIRC, we did eventually get it, but I don’t even remember which mark it was I needed.)

  17. 17.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    “One thing? I, like: about, Dear Miss Kinnian: (thats, the way? it goes; in a business, letter (if I ever go! into business?) is that, she: always gives me’ a reason” when – I ask. She”s a gen’ius! I cou’d be smart like-her, Punctuation , is? fun!” – Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon

  22. 22.

    JGabriel

    Also, what’s with these {}? When are you supposed to use them?

    Programming and math proofs. Or if you want to make your parenthetical remarks look Germanic. And squared brackets, [], are for editorial remarks, of course.

    .

  23. 23.

    Zach

    Tea Party photo fakers are obviously insensitive to the plight of the American Indian – http://politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2009/sep/14/tea-party-photo-shows-large-crowd-different-event/

    There’s another big problem with the photograph: it doesn’t include the National Museum of the American Indian, a building located at the corner of Fourth St. and Independence Ave. that opened on Sept. 14, 2004. (Looking at the photograph, the building should be in the upper right hand corner of the National Mall, next to the Air and Space Museum.) That means the picture was taken before the museum opened exactly five years ago. So clearly the photo doesn’t show the “tea party” crowd from the Sept. 12 protest.

  24. 24.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @MikeJ:

    Ah, the memories. I spent the first days at work in Rome pulling the keys out and rearranging them to match the English keyboard layout I had virtually changed it to. No matter how I try I can’t disregard what it says on the key, since I don’t really touch type but more like hunt and peck but at100 WPM.

    I remember also searching the clqviers frqncqises here for years for the putain ~ key because it was part of my earthlink home page address with all my links on it. I used to have to find one on the Web by Googling “tilde” and copy it.

  27. 27.

    Colette

    @The Bearded Blogger:

    Also, what’s with these {}? When are you supposed to use them?

    All I know about those is that I had to spend hours (sorry, hour’s) practicing them in handwriting class, back in the time of the ancients when such a thing was still taught.

    that that is is that that is not is not is not that that is not not. Discuss.

  28. 28.

    Shell

    “hat means the picture was taken before the museum opened exactly five years ago. So clearly the photo doesn’t show the “tea party” crowd from the Sept. 12 protest.”

    Jeez, they can’t even cheat properly.

  30. 30.

    Incertus

    @smiley: I swear to Jeebus, if I ever discover who came up with the notion that “you put a comma where you breathe” as a way to teach grammar to middle-schoolers, I will deliver to said person a planet-shattering kick to the junk or junk-equivalent.

  32. 32.

    Martin

    I swear to Jeebus, if I ever discover who came up with the notion that “you put a comma where you breathe” as a way to teach grammar to middle-schoolers, I will deliver to said person a planet-shattering kick to the junk or junk-equivalent.

    My son asked me about that rule last year, if there was a similar one for semicolons. I told him there was – you put in a semicolon where you fart.

    I told him that was a reminder to how stupid the comma/breathe rule was.

  33. 33.

    Punchy

    Watt ever. Just because ewe think your punkcueayeshun and speling is better then mine doesnt may cue a smarter. Blogger in the end. All it makes you! Is a smartass?

  34. 34.

    Colette

    @cleek: Every day of the Bush presidency was National Ironic Quotes Day, in the sense that every quote from that motherfucker really meant the opposite of its literal meaning.

  35. 35.

    Warren Terra

    @ Cleek, #31
    We “need” a national “ironic” quotes day!

    … or …

    “We” “need” a national “ironic” quotes “day”!

    Stop me before I use “ironic” quotation marks again!

  37. 37.

    MK

    @Incertus:

    How’d you go from college freshpeople to middle-schoolers (the impression I got from your previous posts was that you were involved with undergraduate programs)? Or are you some kind of remedial instructor for all ages?

    In other news, all is well in my Zen Garden. I can rest easy now.

  44. 44.

    scarshapedstar

    I hope they don’t leave out the peculiar conventions of punctuation in the Deep South, like the use of quotation marks for emphasis, which gives us such hilarities as:

    “Free” Samples

    Weekend “Sale”

    “50% Off” All Items

    Discount “Today Only”

    No matter how long I live here, I’ll always do a double-take when I see signs like that. Do they teach that in school? Where did it come from? And does NOBODY comprehend the subtle irony that almost always results?

  46. 46.

    Incertus

    @MK: I teach the college fresh-people, but they learn about comma usage in middle school, or they’re supposed to anyway. That’s where the initial damage is done, I suspect. It might also come from Education Departments, but I don’t really want to get into that debate.

  47. 47.

    falloch

    As a freelance copy-editor and proofreader, I want you to know that I had a nervous breakdown reading these posts, and am about to retire to a darkened room. On the other hand, if you need a proofreader for any projects, let me know. Teabaggers need not apply…

  51. 51.

    Svensker

    @falloch:

    Teabaggers need not apply…

    I think you meant: Teabagger’s need “not” apply unless there language skill’s are good. If, you asked Sarah Palin also her and I agree would with that. Amirite?

  56. 56.

    Tax Analyst

    @ #2 The Grand Panjandrum, aye, he said this:
    “We don’t celebrate that holiday in our house because talk Like a Pirate day is more fun and not hard also

    aaaarrrrrrrrrrrr”

    Aye matey, but in me house, we be pronouncin’ it “Haaaarrrrrrrr”. Ye can speak as ye wish, aye, an’ not to be too personal, but a “Haaarrrr” without the “H”, well, I might be mistak’n ye fer some weak old woman or mayhaps a sniv’lin, squallin’ child.

  58. 58.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Thursday, September 24 is National Punctuation Day! Please mark you’re calendars.

    I’m hindin’ out till it blows’ o’ver/

  62. 62.

    Interrobang

    Yay, an entire day all about meeee!

    MK — I actually can proofread from right to left. I will proofread English in any direction at my normal rates, plus a small inconvenience surcharge. For Hebrew, though, you pay extra. A lot extra. :)

  63. 63.

    MK

    I would like a “National No Silent Letters Day”. That way, I could spell ‘wrong’ ‘rong’ and increase my typing efficiency by 9.8032% when arguing with RedState or Malkin followers.

  65. 65.

    Poopyman

    Svensker,

    I think you meant: Teabagger’s need “not” apply unless there language skill’s are good. If, you asked Sarah Palin also her and I agree would with that. Amirite?

    Shouldn’t there be ironic quotes around “skill’s”? Because the crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.

  67. 67.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Does that mean we’re supposed to punch somebody?

    That would be National PUnchuation Day. Which happens to fall on National Spelling Day. Everything is connected.

  68. 68.

    Poopyman

    If they ever come up with an “International Air Quotes Day”, then I will take that to mean it’s also “National Punch You in the Neck Day” and act accordingly.

  69. 69.

    scav

    Quick, to the footnoterphone! We need Jurisfiction! Bad infestation of bookworm’s here. Not sure if they inevitably lead to grammarsites but you really really don’t want to have to break out the Danvers clones.

  71. 71.

    scav

    and how can we have made it to comment 67 without noting that every day is Tunchuation Day here. Or should be.

  73. 73.

    The Bearded Blogger

    @ 27 Parmenides is even more confusing without punctuation

    @ 32 I teach writing at a college level. That dumbshit rule may be the death of me

    I had forgotten all about the interrobang. It sucks.

  74. 74.

    Sad_Dem

    National Punctuation Day festivities will include a rap music show in Davenport, Iowa, featuring the year’s hottest “proper punctuation positive” raps, including Dr. Mark’s “Don’t You Comma Splice,” delivered by Dr. Mark himself. But that’s not all! In Washington, D.C., the National Punctuation Museum will have its opening day reception, in which noted copy editors from around the country will lead tour groups around the museum’s “happening” displays, including a diorama on the Lost Em Dash (When We Lose the Em Dash, We Lose Everything) and the Semicolon in World War I. Don’t miss it!

  75. 75.

    MikeJ

    @Sad_Dem: I’m less concerned about the loss of the em dash than I am about the diaeresis. We’re down to just me and The New Yorker. Let’s get coördinated, people!

  76. 76.

    falloch

    ‘Svensker,

    I think you meant: Teabagger’s need “not” apply unless there language skill’s are good. If, you asked Sarah Palin also her and I agree would with that. Amirite?

    Shouldn’t there be ironic quotes around “skill’s”? Because the crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.’

    Y’know folks – I’ve been an a diet for a couple of months now, but that’s it – I’m going off to make apostrophe biscuits (well, cookies to you Amurricans), and eat them while quietly despairing (but also drinking Fairtrade Guatemalan cloud forest coffee) – ain’t no moose in them Guatemalan cloud forests, ex-Gov. Palin!

  77. 77.

    Sad_Dem

    @MikeJ: Sorry, dude, it’s gone, just let it go. The diaeresis belongs to 80s heavy metal bands. You can’t even say the word around the office anymore, at least not from 9-5.

  78. 78.

    slag

    @MikeJ: I may be naive, but I don’t think we’ll be reevaluating use of the diaeresis anytime soon. However, I strongly support preempting the demise of the em dash.

    Oh yeah. It’s on.

  81. 81.

    MikeJ

    please accept from me this unpretentious bouquet of very early-blooming parentheses: (((()))).

    Which would explain why in Catcher Holden drunkenly calls Sally Hayes and says he wants to see her cdr. (lisp joke – ask a geek.)

  82. 82.

    Sad_Dem

    Obama’s camps with forcéd hand most rude
    will mark improvement to yo’ attitude,
    and learnst there thou wilt of punctuation’s
    sublime measures made upon our nation’s
    speech…

  83. 83.

    General Winfield Stuck

    Marsha Blackburn is on Hardball bringing the wingnut whine cause mean libs are calling Tea Baggers racist/

    She wants us to be more civil so the discourse can be respectful/ Well kiss my ass, shitheels are shitheels/ No way to soften that.

  84. 84.

    Steeplejack

    As a former editor, typographer and typesetter, I am moved to tears by this thread. Not in a good way.

  86. 86.

    Steeplejack

    @MikeJ:

    “Shavian” is my all-time favorite–and least used–literary adjective. I’ve been waiting years to use “his Shavian wit . . .” somewhere.

  87. 87.

    Steeplejack

    @MikeJ:

    P.S. Don’t know if you saw my comment last week, but I bought Revolver rather than Rubber Soul after talking with you.

  88. 88.

    Steeplejack

    A typographical thing that really gets me is the way people put on their mailboxes “The Smith’s.” See this a lot in almost-rural neighborhoods where the mailboxes are at the street, also in beachside and lakeside “vacation home” communities. Always right next to a house called “Pine Haven” or “Sand Dollar,” depending on the venue.

  94. 94.

    PhoenixRising

    freelancer, I curse you. I will never work again.

    Can we “all” agree, that “quotes” and, commas, are tied for the most annoying form of punctuation abuse?

  95. 95.

    Mickey

    Marsha Blackburn Voted FOR: Omnibus Appropriations, Special Education, Global AIDS Initiative, Job Training, Unemployment Benefits, Labor-HHS-Education Appropriations, Agriculture Appropriations, U.S.-Singapore Trade, U.S.-Chile Trade, Supplemental Spending for Iraq & Afghanistan, Prescription Drug Benefit, Child Nutrition Programs, Surface Transportation, Job Training and Worker Services, Agriculture Appropriations, Foreign Aid, Vocational/Technical Training, Supplemental Appropriations, UN “Reforms.” Patriot Act Reauthorization, CAFTA, Katrina Hurricane-relief Appropriations, Head Start Funding, Line-item Rescission, Oman Trade Agreement, Military Tribunals, Electronic Surveillance, Head Start Funding, COPS Funding, Funding the REAL ID Act (National ID), Foreign Intelligence Surveillance, Thought Crimes “Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act, Peru Free Trade Agreement, Economic Stimulus, Farm Bill (Veto Override), Warrantless Searches, Employee Verification Program, Body Imaging Screening.

    Marsha Blackburn Voted AGAINST:
    Ban on UN Contributions, eliminate Millennium Challenge Account, WTO Withdrawal, UN Dues Decrease, Defunding the NAIS, Iran Military Operations defunding Iraq Troop Withdrawal, congress authorization of Iran Military Operations.

    Marsha Blackburn is my Congressman.
    See her unconstitutional votes at :
    http://tinyurl.com/qhayna
    Mickey

  96. 96.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Punctshoeation iz overated, just like speling. Moran’s find its eazier to gess becuz that wuznt coverred in home scooling. Its awl moms’ fault!

  100. 100.

    Steeplejack

    @Tattoosydney:

    Hey, don’t be bringing it with your weird, foreign, accent-inflected lingo here, mister. Next you’ll be telling me that this blog is too, uh, English-centric or something like that. Hmmph.

  101. 101.

    Tattoosydney

    @Steeplejack:

    One of the things I love about Portuguese is that you can read it even if you don’t speak a word of it…. and the abundance of tildes.

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