Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

“More of this”, i said to the dog.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

This really is a full service blog.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Infrastructure week. at last.

You are here: Home / Don’t Taitz me, bro

Don’t Taitz me, bro

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I’ve mostly grown weary of birtherism, but there are some real gems in some of the recent court filings.

On page 27, explaining why it’s good that Congress, not the courts, are in charge of removing presidents from office:

“Or perhaps an eccentric citizen has become convinced that the President is an alien from Mars, and the courts should order DNA testing to enforce the Constitution [7] …”

“[7] The Court does not make this observation simply as a rhetorical device for emphasis; the Court has actually received correspondence assailing its previous order in which the sender, who, incidentally, challenged the undersigned to a “round of fisticuffs on the Courthouse Square,” asserted that the President is not human.”

The corresponder sounds an awful lot like Zell Miller to me.

Reader Interactions

86Comments

  1. 1.

    JK

    Orly Taitz has a great voice for a GPS navigation system. That’s the only useful purpose she can ever serve in this life.

  3. 3.

    Beth in VA

    Great call, Doug! That line at the end of the ruling was the most hilarious. Or sad. All of the above. Man, you know there’s a good chance that judge is a Republican, too, being from Georgia.

    I liked how he called out Taitz for slandering Obama’s deceased father, too. Classy–very nice change from the usual rhetoric we read and hear lately.

  6. 6.

    ilsita

    I can’t get enough of Orly Taitz. Oh my gosh, she is like crack for rubberneckers like me.

    I wonder if anyone has asked her why she feels that she’s above the law but Obama isn’t. I mean, she gets to use forged documents and behave as if court procedures are just suggestions for the less important people, so why not Obama? Someone oughta ask.

  8. 8.

    mistermix

    All of Land’s rulings against Taitz are worth a read. They are pure judicial smack-down, with a side of dry wit. He’s a Bush 43 appointee, btw.

  9. 9.

    Martin

    You guys all laugh. I just know I’m going to have to deal with her running for city council or some damn thing soon enough.

  11. 11.

    Redshirt

    She strikes me as an SNL character – that’s a wig, right? And I’m sure there’s a metric ton of makeup on her. I wonder what she really looks like.

  12. 12.

    Martin

    @Stooleo:

    I bet they’re trying to set up an Orly/Huffington deal like Hannity and Colmes. Fox could set an all new standard in having a pundit show where none of the guests can understand the hosts questions and just freeform off of what they thought they heard.

  13. 13.

    Chaz

    If you challenge someone to “fisticuffs”, no matter how in earnest you actually are, I will assume that everything you say is in jest.

  14. 14.

    burnspbesq

    I predict that she will file for BK rather than write the check.

    And wow, she is one crappy lawyer. The statute unmistakably requires that someone submit an “affidavit” in support of a motion for recusal, and she submitted something other than an affidavit. WTF – unless she knew that she couldn’t put her crapola in something she would have to sign under penalty of perjury.

  16. 16.

    Midnight Marauder

    That response is so full of win, it’s hard to know where to begin.

    When a lawyer files complaints and motions without a reasonable basis for believing that they are supported by existing law or a modification or extension of existing law, that lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law. When a lawyer uses the courts as a platform for a political agenda disconnected from any legitimate legal cause of action, that lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law. When a lawyer personally attacks opposing parties and disrespects the integrity of the judiciary, that lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law. When a lawyer recklessly accuses a judge of violating the Judicial Code of Conduct with no supporting evidence beyond her dissatisfaction with the judge’s rulings, that lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law. When a lawyer abuses her privilege to practice law, that lawyer ceases to advance her cause or the ends of justice.

    Counsel’s contention that the expedited nature of the Court’s rulings demonstrates that the Court had prejudged the case is laughable. First, as the Court has noted previously, counsel sought expedited consideration. She sought an injunction enjoining the U.S. Army from deploying her client, which was to occur within days of the filing of her Complaint. Yes, the Court ruled quickly. Had the Court not done so, counsel undoubtedly would have accused the Court of some conspiracy to delay ruling until after the deployment had occurred.

    To suggest that an Army officer, who has received a medical education at the expense of the government and then seeks to avoid deployment based upon speculation that the President is not a natural born citizen, is equivalent to a young child, who is forced to attend an inferior segregated school based solely on the color of her skin, demonstrates an appalling lack of knowledge of the history of this Country and the importance of the civil rights movement. Counsel’s attempt to align herself with Justice Marshall appears to be an act of desperation rather than one of admiration. For if counsel truly admired Justice Marshall’s achievements, she would not seek to cheapen them with such inapt comparisons.

    Truly, an epic smackdown for the ages.

  18. 18.

    lutton

    “a round of fisticuffs on the Courthouse Square”

    some legal blog should snag that as a tag line

  19. 19.

    Brick Oven Bill

    Re: Congress, not the courts, are in charge of removing presidents from office.

    Let’s just consider the scenario that the population had lost faith in the fidelity of the Congress to the Constitution, and believed that their elected officials were doing the bidding of a group of bankers, and the approval rating of Congress had fallen to, say, 25%.

    In this scenario, or say the scenario that the currency falls to hyperinflation, and the social safety net collapses causing disorder, the military’s Oath to Support and Defend the Constitution gains importance.

  20. 20.

    Cat Lady

    I want Orly Taitz on my TV all day every day talking about Obama. She’s a continuously unfolding clown show/train wreck/whackadoodle infomercial high wire act without a net. She should have her own show where she can promote birtherism, offer legal advice and do Grade B movie-type dentistry all at the same time, live. What could go wrong?

  21. 21.

    Michael

    I predict that she will file for BK rather than write the check.

    Intentional conduct = no discharge.

  23. 23.

    Ash Can

    @Martin:

    I just know I’m going to have to deal with her running for city council or some damn thing soon enough.

    Are you kidding? That’d be sheer box office. Hell, I’d love to see her move here and run for mayor, except that some poor slobs somewhere in the city would have to have her for a neighbor.

  24. 24.

    Napoleon

    @Michael:

    Do you really think that will stop her from trying and accusing the bankruptcy judge of being in cahoots with Obama when he refuses to grant a discharge on her obligation to the court?

    We should start a pool on exactly when she will be disbarred.

  26. 26.

    Redshirt

    I’m hoping some of the Wingnuttari will deem her an important symbol and elevate the Taitz to Joe The Plumber levels of talking head fame.

  29. 29.

    Midnight Marauder

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    Let’s just consider the scenario that the population had lost faith in the fidelity of the Congress to the Constitution, and believed that their elected officials were doing the bidding of a group of bankers, and the approval rating of Congress had fallen to, say, 25%.

    In this scenario, or say the scenario that the currency falls to hyperinflation, and the social safety net collapses causing disorder, the military’s Oath to Support and Defend the Constitution gains importance.

    In other words, you want a military coup, right? Just like that fucker from the NewsMax article the other week. Newsflash: Just because things aren’t going your way, doesn’t mean you are then allowed to throw the Highest Law In The Land out the window.

    Fucking hell, you stupid troll/spoof/maybe a real person, but I hope not, because hot damn, are you out of this world stupid.

  31. 31.

    Cathy W

    …the judge was so incensed by her response to his proposed $10,000 sanction that he actually fined her $20,000. I think this constitutes “epic legal fail”.

  33. 33.

    Eric U.

    the wingnuts just want discovery. Why won’t Obama give them discovery? Why?

    The thought of Orly as a Republican spokesperson or legislature sounds appealing at first. But then I remember Beck and Michelle Bachman, and I realize it wouldn’t really add to the crazy.

    BOB serves as the useful idiot here, where does the Constitution say that the military has any say in the government of the U.S.? I keep hearing about defending the Constitution from wingnuts, but we lived with the constitution when Bush was president, they can sit it out for 8 years under Obama.

  34. 34.

    gwangung

    …the judge was so incensed by her response to his proposed $10,000 sanction that he actually fined her $20,000. I think this constitutes “epic legal fail”.

    Bwahahhahah!

    Both the action and this summation are classics!

  36. 36.

    Redshirt

    I’ve said it before, but here it goes again: BOB has no interest in debating any of you. His only goal is to re-direct the discussion towards a topic he wants, and then frustrate all the durn LIE-bruls with loosely constructed proofs and anecdotes. It’s troll sport, in other words.

  37. 37.

    Brick Oven Bill

    So long as the President is Constitutionally seated, meeting all of the requirements therein, and the Congress is operating within the constraints of the Constitution, it is the military’s job to fully back both Midnight Marauder.

  39. 39.

    Sue

    Martin and Stoolio:
    Better idea: let’s have Tracy Ullman do Arianna and Orly in a “Patty Duke Show” ripoff. Fox News can air it on their new FOXComedy network.

  40. 40.

    Zifnab

    @Brick Oven Bill: But if it looks like anyone is stepping out of line, we’re all allowed to bust out our lynch’n ropes, right?

    Where was this word parsing and technicality embracing attitude under the Bush Administration, anyway? Amazing how fascinated the GOP becomes with the Constitution, the moment it’s out of reach for them to shred.

  43. 43.

    KG

    more important than the $20k sanction (and wow, that’s a lot), is the fact that the Court is forwarding the ruling to the California Bar. The Bar will summarily dismiss complaints filed by opposing counsel, but when one comes in from a judge, that’s a whole different game.

    The amazing thing to me, well, not really, since this is all about publicity rather than, you know, the law, is that despite all these adverse rulings, none of them have gone up to a Court of Appeal. I suspect it is because she knows an adverse ruling from a Court of Appeal would end her 15 minutes of fame.

  46. 46.

    J.D. Rhoades

    Man, I hope that crazy bitch tries some of her antics in a North Carolina Superior Courtroom. I know several judges who will put her ass UNDER the goddamn jail.

  48. 48.

    lou

    I also loved his smackdown of her contention that Eric Holder was in Columbus, Ga., around the time of his ruling. A “cursory” glance at press releases from the Department of Justice showed Holder was in Los Angeles at the time, as the judge drily notes, while also pointing out he’s never met Eric Holder in his entire life or career.

  49. 49.

    Catsy

    Life on Balloon Juice became so much happier after I added BOB to my Pie Filter. Many thanks to the cleek, PBUH.

    As to the topic: I actually took the time before work this morning to read the entire 43-page order (deceptive–that 43rd page is all signoff and white space). Holy crap am I happy that I did. Judge Land has the rare ability to write legalese in a way that can not only be understood by laymen like myself, but thoroughly enjoyed as well. The quote on the OP was one of my favorites, true, but there is so much win in the rest of the order that you’re denying yourself a great pleasure by not reading the entire thing.

  50. 50.

    licensed to kill time

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    Re:John Cole, not the courts, is in charge of removing BOB from Balloon Juice.
    …
    Let’s just consider the scenario that the population of Balloon Juice had lost faith in the fidelity of BOB to render a coherent blog post, and believed that their selected official John Cole was doing the bidding of a group of Balloon Juicers, and the approval rating of BOB had fallen to, say, 25%.
    …
    In this scenario, or say the scenario that BOB’s brain/ego falls to hyperinflation, and the social safety net collapses causing disorder, John Cole’s Oath to Support and Defend the sanity of Balloon Juicers gains importance.

    That is all.

  51. 51.

    Mark S.

    Still crazy after all of these years:

    “Are you kidding? Of course not,” she said, asked whether she planned to send a check. “This is a form of intimidation.” Instead, she plans to file yet another written response (though it’s unclear whether the court will even accept one).

    I wonder what the record is for most amount of sanctions imposed by a court.

  52. 52.

    kay

    Orly accused the judge of meeting ex parte with the attorney general.

    She had a witness who saw a person with a mustache at the coffee shop across the street from the courthouse who “new” that mustached person had to be Eric Holder.

    It’s in the order.

    Something like 25% of Republicans polled find her accusations regarding the President credible. Just let that sink in for a minute.

  53. 53.

    Napoleon

    @Mark S.:

    What I love best about her comment is it is absolutely true yet totally misses the point. Of course a legal sanction is intimidation. Part of the whole freaking purpose of the judicial system is to intimidate you into following the rules.

  54. 54.

    fishbane

    I’m kinda afraid that she’s really, actually mentally ill. No sane attorney would openly mock and flaunt a judge like she is. The reason I fear this is because I’ve had so much fun laughing at her, and I don’t want to miss that in the future. But if she’s actually clinical, I don’t find it funny anymore. I’ve got crazy people in the family, and I just don’t find the batshit things they do funny.

    I hope I’m wrong.

  55. 55.

    Steve

    I knew Clay Land in law school and he is extremely conservative, so it’s refreshing to see him acting on his principals rather than the typical partisan garbage. Of course, all judges have healthy egos so it wasn’t wise for Taitz to attack him in her pleadings….

  56. 56.

    Redshirt

    Can we call this the “Keyes Percentage” ?

    25% of all Americans are insane, and will vote insanely whenever given the chance/choice?

    Thus, Orly Taitz somehow makes sense to most of this select group.

  58. 58.

    trollhattan

    @licensed to kill time #50 FTW of a hotly contested thread.

    I would so watch the Arianna-Orly show. Half an hour, nay, a full hour of accented wackiness. Only weekly though, please.

    Orly wouldn’t have to bother the courts if the darn Emm Ess Emm would JUST do their JOBS.

  59. 59.

    ilsita

    @Redshirt:

    I’d say more than that, because you have people who are mentally ill, but not stupid — far from it — right? A vast percentage of them vote wisely or in their best interest, as long as they’re not voting for the chupacabra. And then you have people who are just idiots, so there’s got to be some crossover…

  62. 62.

    Jay Andrew Allen

    I’d bet anything that the guy accusing the President of being non-human is David Icke.

    The way Icke thinks Obama hides his true reptilian self is through shapeshifting—the movement of a physical body into another body.

    “We see these shell-people when we look at them. Sometimes their energy field takes over so much you can actually see the shape-shift. The first thing to go is the eyes!”

  63. 63.

    LD50

    @Redshirt:

    Something like 25% of Republicans polled find her accusations regarding the President credible. Just let that sink in for a minute.

    If it cheers you up at all, ‘25% of Republicans’ does not equal ‘25% of all Americans’.

  64. 64.

    Redshirt

    I should further qualify: 25% of voters.

    Cuz, frightening though it is to conceive, the really, really crazy Americans probably aren’t voting. Shudder.

  65. 65.

    Kenneth Fair

    The corresponder sounds an awful lot like Zell Miller to me.

    DougJ FTW! Also, from Judgepedia:

    On the recommendation of US Congressman Saxby Chambliss, Judge Clay D. Land was nominated by President George W. Bush on September 21, 2001. Land was confirmed by the U.S. Senate on December 13, 2001.

    An obvious Obamabot, to be sure.

  67. 67.

    Will

    I think we should all agree to do the following:

    The next time any of us are around anyone questioning the president’s place of birth, we should push the alien meme on them. “Personally, I really don’t think he’s actually a human being”. When they question your logic, just get really pissed off at them and question their fidelity to the cause.

  69. 69.

    Mnemosyne

    From the Kung Fu Monkey link:

    John: You realize this leads to there being over 30 million crazy people in the US?

    Tyrone: Does that seem wrong?

    John: … a bit low, actually.

  70. 70.

    gocart mozart

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    Let’s just consider the scenario that the population had lost faith in the fidelity of the Congress to the Constitution, and believed that their elected officials were doing the bidding of a group of bankers, and the approval rating of Congress had fallen to, say, 25%.
    In this scenario, or say the scenario that the currency falls to hyperinflation, and the social safety net collapses causing disorder, the military’s Oath to Support and Defend the Constitution gains importance.

    You know who else believed that B.O.B. Hitler! That’s who. No Godwin violation by the way because that is exactly what Hitler believed and how he gained power. Why do you hate democracy B.O.B.?

  71. 71.

    burnspbesq

    @Napoleon:

    We should start a pool on exactly when she will be disbarred.

    No way it happens before 2011. The disciplinary mechanisms of the State Bar of California are way overburdened.

    And if history is any guide, she will be reinstated as soon as she is eligible for reinstatement. See, e.g., Donald Segretti.

  72. 72.

    kuvasz

    Personally, I would like to see Obama’s genome to prove he IS human. After all, if he really isn’t an alien he ought to have no problem proving it by DNA testing.

    Unless of course, he has something to hide. Until then, people ought to check to see if he can bend his little fingers……just in case, you know?

  73. 73.

    burnspbesq

    @Mark S.:

    I wonder what the record is for most amount of sanctions imposed by a court.

    Deep into six figures. Some big corporation got nailed for discovery abuses in an employment discrimination case. Don’t remember exactly which one.

  75. 75.

    Jay C

    @kay:

    She had a witness who saw a person with a mustache at the coffee shop across the street from the courthouse who “new” that mustached person had to be Eric Holder.

    A mustache? You know who else had a mustache? HITLER! Hitler had a mustache — so why was the judge meeting with Hitler in a coffee shop? – a vegetarian coffee shop, no doubt – if not in some sort of conspiracy to cover up Obama’s Fiendish Plan to nazify the country and force us all to become gay vegetarians and sing the Praise Obama Song all day long……

    Why are our courts fooling around with this Eric Holder guy when our judges are taking meetings with HITLER???? Really, the USA is truly going down the tubes……

  76. 76.

    Jay C

    Just to reassure all, comment no.74 is meant to be a joke.

    Re-reading it, though, I guess it would be funnier if “real-life” (and I use that loosely) wingnuts didn’t actually promote “real” conspiracy crap about President Obama which sounded just as zany.

    Life may imitate art at times; but that’s no excuse for violating the copyright……

  78. 78.

    Paul

    $20K fine, Maybe when she becomes a real lawyer she will appreciate what just happened. I wonder if she is a mail order bride, just like her law degree?

  79. 79.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @J.D. Rhoades:

    And if she tries this shit in Judge Fox’s courtroom in the eastern district… she would also be under the jail. I would just love to hear call him a traitor, the smackdown would be so epic she would wonder what had hit her.

  81. 81.

    Seanly

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    People are welcome to change the make-up of the entire House of Representatives and one third of the Senate on the first Tuesday in November of each evenly numbered year. I am not aware of any constitutionally sound means for the courts to upend the other branches of government.

    I hate that statistic about Congressional approval. Everyone hates Congress but incumbents have a substantial advantage. It’s always the other clowns that stink, not the nitwit I voted for (or against even). There are 434 representatives who give a shit what I think of them. There is one representative and two senators who may care what I think of them (but considering my political leanings probably not).

  83. 83.

    Alex

    “No! The President’s brilliance can only be explained by the fact he is more than a mere human being! He’s evidently a HAL 9000…”

  84. 84.

    pinkpinkbear

    The best birther story was a couple of months ago when the freepers decided that if obama was born in the USA he would be circumcised so they were demanding the court make him drop trousers!
    Only problem with this is not every American his age is cut but most are and also he grew up in a muslim country so most likely at some point he was circumcised.
    I’m just waiting for someone in the media to ask him!

  85. 85.

    Nickels

    What is wrong with everyone? You can’t see the forest for the trees. No one discusses the merits of either side. You’re just hurling names like a bunch of ignorant brats. You’re like hypnotized children; the electronic offspring of vicarious existence and the vicarious offspring of electronic existence. You are without substance and spirit. You care nothing about anything and are not grounded to a human existence so you fabricate one electronically where you can immediately gratify yourself at expense of humanity. You’re as easy to over stimulate and manipulate as a lynch mob. The likes of your lot would blindly put nails to the cross even today.

    Whether Taitz is right or wrong is a secondary issue. This country would not have been what it was, at one time, if not for the likes of Taitz and tolerance as an intellectual process afforded by the Constitution. We are what we are today, however, because of the likes of you; an empty shell with our spirit in shambles and under the weight of a vacuous intellect. The unculturing of America and the ensuing darkness has hammered us into the rabbit hole of JFK, MLK, BK, JFK Jr. and 911 where nothing is real and the truth is as elusive as your grit. Have you learned nothing? Are you so clueless as to what will be your future and the extent to which you are making your own demise?

    Good Night and Good Luck

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