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You are here: Home / Comment of the Year 2009- Early Nominations

Comment of the Year 2009- Early Nominations

by John Cole|  December 12, 20095:15 pm| 132 Comments

This post is in: Blogospheric Navel-Gazing

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It is that time of year again, folks. We are coming up on the end of December, so time to start nominating comments for the comment of the year. Here are some early nominees from yours truly.

Max hats:

The whole concept of the much hyped “Big Hollywood” blog is mind blowing. Change the politics of Hollywood with a blog composed of 3rd rate conservative blowhards? Uh, okay. Sure. And I’m going to change NASA through interpretive dance.

Stuck:

CNN is reporting a tentative deal with dems and Susan Collins for getting her support. No details but would trim the bill to 780 billion. I must say, I feel so much better now that Sue Collins is the lynchpin in getting this and future bills passed. It’s like Daffy Duck goes to Washington and saves the democrats from jaws of doom.

Xecky Gilchrist:

Seriously, the Republican nomination race in ‘08 was a metaphorical lineup of oiled posers at Venice Beach flexing for the lunatics passing by.

Bret:

All you have to do is waterboard the XP box, and it’ll give you all the data it has.

Cbear:

Yeah, this Michael Jackson coverage is way over the top.
You’d think we lost Tim Russert or something.

***

If you have a nominee, throw it in the comments. I need the name of the commenter, the comment, and if at all possible, a link.

Have fun.

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Reader Interactions

132Comments

  1. 1.

    smiley

    December 12, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    I hereby nominate this comment to be the Comment of the Year.

  2. 2.

    max hats

    December 12, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    wow, thanks! I’m flattered to get mentioned. I did a triple take when I loaded the page trying to figure out who else was using my name before I remembered typing that.

  3. 3.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    CNN is reporting a tentative deal with dems and Susan Collins for getting her support

    It’s amazing: at the time it was obviously of Earth-shaking importance that we get the great Susan Collins on board. . . yet since then I haven’t thought of her once! How could that be?

  4. 4.

    Cat Lady

    December 12, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    beltane:

    The modern conservative movement is a glorified quest to reach the absolute zero of humanity. Already, the true believers have largely lost the ability to communicate in standard English. Another turn of the spiral will find them unable to perform simple functions such as driving (traffic signs are kind of communist if you think about it) and preparing food (that lettuce was picked by Mexicans and lord knows what they’ve done to it).

    The teabagger protests of the future will feature partially clothed, excrement covered fat people shrieking incomprehensible gibberish. It will be the Woodstock of the damned.

    That was awesome.

    Edit: blockquoting semi-fail.

  5. 5.

    General Winfield Stuck

    December 12, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    LOL, I am honored. And of course want to thank Ma, Pa and especially The Academy. And Senor Cole to keep me brownie points up to snuff.

  6. 6.

    Demo Woman

    December 12, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Is it an indication that one has to much time on their hands if they remember reading all those comments? I’m surprised that my keyboard survived some of the comments.

  7. 7.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    I am a little disappointed that the helicopters aren’t joking hasn’t been mentioned. Mr. Gass was a classic.

  8. 8.

    John Cole

    December 12, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: Link?

  9. 9.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Comrade Mary:

    (Foam on the mouth I can understand as a sign of Killer Cat. But foam on his butt? Is cat ass-rabies that much more lethal? Or did you think he was just going to aerosol-shit you to death?)

  10. 10.

    Nylund

    December 12, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    And to think that there were moments when I doubted my plan to collect, sort, categorize, tag, and index every single Balloon-Juice comment of 2009.

  11. 11.

    General Winfield Stuck

    December 12, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    I will second this, with the caveat that this comment scares me a little, but not in a bad way :-)

  12. 12.

    SGEW

    December 12, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    Has it already been a year? My how time flies.

    I have no nominee, truth be told. Too many good comments, not enough room in my brain.

  13. 13.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    Woodstock of the damned

    Future tag.

  14. 14.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    JC,

    here ya go.

    In all its glory:

    Dougj,

    The cops that tracked that balloon didn’t make jokes.

    The helicopters didn’t make jokes.

    The people making jokes are here…

    And… they are wrong for doing it.

  15. 15.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Has it already been a year? My how time flies.

    I think the past year went by faster than the entire Bush administration.

  16. 16.

    Paul L.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    https://balloon-juice.com/?p=31011#comment-1477754

    Or maybe it will show he does not know what he is talking about.

    there are these incredibly hot rocks, ’cause the interior of the earth is extremely hot, several million degrees

    Progressive defend this as Gore misspoke. But if Bush or Palin had said the same thing progressives would state it proves that the person is a moron and how little they know about “science” .

  17. 17.

    freelancer

    December 12, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Renato, RE: Dijiongate:

    Dear Prospective Republican:
    …
    Congratulations! You’re just one small step from joining God’s Own Party!
    …
    Please fill out the attached form in full. Also, please be sure to read in full the 3 pages long (front and back) document which contains the Republican Dietary Laws, which are summarized here:
    …
    1) Whenever ordering a philly cheese steak, first make sure to enquire as to which cheese the locals like to put on theirs. Failure to do so may result in your being branded as an elitist.
    …
    2) Diet soda is for fags.
    …
    3) When selecting mustard as a condiment, please ensure that it is common yellow American mustard. No imported french mustards, not even Grey Poupon (even if it is made in America). “French’s” mustard, though technically permissible, should probably be avoided for obvious reasons.
    …
    4) No Heinz ketchup.
    …
    5) No imported beer. Bud and Coors are acceptable, in that order of preference. Miller is not acceptable.
    …
    6) Consumption of the following fresh vegetables is permitted: iceberg lettuce, ‘regular’ tomatoes, celery, corn, carrots and cucumbers. Any other variety of lettuce such as romaine lettuce or butter lettuce is prohibited. When choosing a salad dressing, a good choice is 1000 Island or Ranch. Never select anything with the word ‘vinagrette’ in its name. French dressing is right out.
    …
    Arugula is for fags, as are organic vegetables. All other vegetables should be consumed cooked and topped with butter or as heavy of a cream sauce as possible.
    …
    7) Eat as much red meat as possible. This really pisses off PETA, vegetarians, and Al Gore. As we all know, the ultimate goal of conservatism is to annoy liberals as much as possible.
    …
    8) All grocery shopping should be done by your girlfriend or wife. Should you be required to go to the grocery store as well (perhaps to give her instruction in how to properly follow these dietary laws), do not push the cart as this is a sign of an emasculated boyfriend or husband. Do not shop at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods or other pinko commie elitist grocery stores such as these. When asked ‘paper or plastic’, request that your purchases be bagged individually and triple-bagged with non-recyclable plastic bags. Discard the excess bags in the parking lot. This also annoys Al Gore.
    …
    Finally, please be sure to read and sign the “I Am Not A Secret Fag” document. It’s just a formality but we’ve had a real problem with this lately so it is necessary. Be sure to remember that it still counts as faggotry if you only pitch and never catch. If you don’t know what this means, don’t worry about it. We don’t want you getting curious.
    …
    Welcome to the Republican party! You betcha!
    …
    Hippity-hoppity yours fo’ shizzle,
    …
    Michael Steele

    Jesus, Cole, that was like homework.

  18. 18.

    demkat620

    December 12, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    There are just too many choices.

    You all rock!

    However, that ass-rabies thingy is the best.

  19. 19.

    smiley

    December 12, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    @Demo Woman:

    Is it an indication that one has to much time on their hands if they remember reading all those comments?

    I’d say yes. That’s part of my motivation for my stupid comment @#1. One of the reasons this is a fool’s errand impossible is because very few of us, ahem, read all the comments on a thread before commenting. That said, however, maybe favorite comments don’t require the context of what’s already been said on the thread.

    Hmm… said on the thread. Hell, I might just git my gitar out.

  20. 20.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    @Paul L.:

    Could he have been JOKING with Conan O’Brien? No, that’s unpossible!

    “But if Bush or Palin had said the same thing progressives would state it proves that the person is a moron”

    That’s because Bush and Palin ARE morons.

  21. 21.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    @max hats:

    It definitely is one of the best…..

  22. 22.

    Laura W

    December 12, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    I’ve waited since the night Michael Jackson died for this moment!

    AkaDad, June 25, 9:58pm.

    I heard Michael Jackson is to be cremated and have his ashes spread out into sandboxes, so children can still play with him.
    …
    Too soon?

  23. 23.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    I think my favorite quote of the year was the tag “I Can No Longer Rationally Discuss the Clinton Campaign”.

  24. 24.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    December 12, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    @Laura W:

    Hahaha )

  25. 25.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    @freelancer:

    LOL….

  26. 26.

    General Winfield Stuck

    December 12, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    @Laura W:

    I remember that one. Excellent choice for the pool.

  27. 27.

    Laura W

    December 12, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    @Laura W: Oh for Fuck’s Sake! I can’t even get permission to edit my comment and I am pretty sure I did not fuck up the link to begin with. (AkaDad was rockin’ the house that night… all night…

    Relax your mind
    Lay back and groove with mine
    You got to feel that heat
    And we can ride the boogie
    Share that beat of love

    Hopefully, this is the correct link back to comment 56 in that 6/25 thread.

  28. 28.

    mr. whipple

    December 12, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    @Laura W:

    They are all good, but there’s just something about that one that is special.

  29. 29.

    Leelee for Obama

    December 12, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    I wish I had bookmarked my favorites, I didn’t realize there was a contest. I must have missed it last year, How’d that happen? There are so many good one. Oh well, I’ll start now! When is the cut off?

    I think it must count that the fo-shizzle made me spit on the monitor, right? So it’s definitely in the running. Likewise the MJ in the sandbox.

  30. 30.

    JenJen

    December 12, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    For me, it has to be the recent, immediate classic from Zifnab:

    Seriously, though. Beating your mistress is definitely one of the all time douche bag moves. What happened to the carefree innocence of the double wetsuit guy with black dildo anus?

    Black dildo anuses (anii?) aside, woooohooooo Laura W in the hizzouse! This is going to be a fun evening.

  31. 31.

    Jenn

    December 12, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Too many comments to remember. Sadly, even the ones that had me laughing so hard I almost literally started rolling on the floor are now only vague memories. However, I have to admit widely sharing one of El Cid’s gems from the other day (wrt Dick Cheney, just in case you couldn’t tell merely from the quotation):

    “That’s not breathing. That’s his internal equipment’s cooling ventilation releasing heat from the concentrated evil generator which powers him.”

    – long-time lurker, first-time commenter

  32. 32.

    Yutsano

    December 12, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    This thread is gonna bring out the worst in us. I can’t wait.

  33. 33.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    @Yutsano:

    We can only hope!

  34. 34.

    geg6

    December 12, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Damn. I wish I was on a computer and not the Blackberry. Fuckhead had one the other night that might have been the best comment evah. Hope the contest is open come next week so I can search for it. Meanwhile, I plan to sit back and enjoy this thread.

  35. 35.

    CynDee

    December 12, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Tunch Cole:

    (The Look)

    John Cole:

    Who’s a GOOD doggie, huh, huh?

    Dad Cole:

    Oh, my GOD.

  36. 36.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Good lord. This thread is gonna kill, I can just tell. I gotta trawl through the lexicon threads. There were some gems there.

  37. 37.

    geg6

    December 12, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    Notorious Pat: I agree. I remember that well. Ha. Remember those golden days in the primaries when we thought we’d seen all the crazy possible?

  38. 38.

    MikeJ

    December 12, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    From the lexicon:

    “I have a recording of Mick Jagger’s voice where he admits killing the Kennedys.”

  39. 39.

    Jody

    December 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    “Dump truck full of Hitlers” was not nominated. These awards are all just one big popularity contest anyway.

  40. 40.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    @Laura W: Damn, I didn’t see that one when it was fresh.

    Damn.

    Edit: I note that Ass Rabies has yet to be added to the lexicon. This cannot stand.

  41. 41.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Is this an open thread? No?

    Too bad, once again I am forced to go O/T.

    Does anyone besides me really love *The Lion in Winter*? On TCM right now. What a truly wonderful film. Every line of dialogue, every performance by every actor (O’Toole! Hepburn! Hopkins!), every note of music. It’s just a terrific story.

    As for COTY, there were so many I’m not sure I could choose just one. But I still remember lying in bed, following that whole “Balloon Boy” thread with the non-laughing helicopters on the BlackBerry, and simply weeping with mirth for about two hours straight. Everyone was just on fire that night.

  42. 42.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    December 12, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    @Yutsano:

    This thread is gonna bring out the worst in us.

    You’re right. This could be one of those epic threads. Fasten your seat belts. It’s gonna be a helluva ride.

  43. 43.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    @CynDee:

    Awesome…….I can’t stop laughing…

  44. 44.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    December 12, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    There have been so many brilliant comments this year (that all resulted in me spewing wine onto my monitor) that I am spoiled for choice. I shall have to go trawling and try to come up with them (the MJ one was up there in the top three however).

  45. 45.

    Laura W

    December 12, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    @geg6: Not to nitpick, because that is just so not my style (choke, cough), that tag is from 2008. I only know that because it was the first tag I saw when I came over here via Sullivan on May 23 and read the first BJ post in my life. Not only did I love the post, I loved the tag. So I sorta stayed.

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: The whole thread is hysterical if you can cull thru the repetitive BEST MJ SONG EVER stuff and just hone in on the jokes.

  46. 46.

    geg6

    December 12, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    Siubhan Duinne @41: Lion in Winter is a fucking awesome film. And I’m with you on the Balloon Boy thread. I literally was crying with laughter and had to stop reading every now and again because I was afraid I’d pull a muscle. That should be Thread of the Year.

  47. 47.

    Bubblegum Tate

    December 12, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    Wasn’t RedKitten’s “I can see the moon from my house, but that doesn’t make me an astronaut” comment from this year? If so, I think that one is the winner.

  48. 48.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    December 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    That was last year’s winner. (I think)

  49. 49.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    @geg6: I was in a bad mood that night so I skipped out early. When I revisited the thread the next day, I was laughing my nonexistent ass off.

  50. 50.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    Just a reminder, not only did Michael Gass produce the helicopters weren’t joking, but he also threatened to fax his documents.

  51. 51.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: Wasn’t it his credenza he threatened to fax?

  52. 52.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    This is great. I am settling in the for the night — book, wine, and reading this thread….Perfect.

  53. 53.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:
    OMG, yes, the credenza. how could I forget.

  54. 54.

    John Cole

    December 12, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    Not seeing too many nominees….

  55. 55.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    @John Cole: Oh, keep your pants on, Cole. We’re just getting started.

  56. 56.

    debit

    December 12, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: I love that movie. God, the dialogue!

    Eleanor: And when you die, which is regrettable but necessary, what will happen to frail Alais and her pruny prince? You can’t think Richard’s going to wait for your grotesque to grow.
    Henry II: You wouldn’t let him do a thing like that.
    Eleanor: Let him? I’d push him through the nursery door.
    Henry II: You’re not that cruel.
    Eleanor: Don’t fret. We’ll wait until you’re dead to do it.
    Henry II: Eleanor, what do you want?
    Eleanor: Just what you want, a king for a son. You can make more, I can’t. You think I want to disappear? One son is all I’ve got, and you can blot him out and call me cruel? For these ten years you’ve lived with everything I’ve lost, and loved another woman through it all, and I am cruel? I could peel you like a pear and God himself would call it justice!

  57. 57.

    mr. whipple

    December 12, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Oh man, I missed all that! What could I have been doing that was more important?

  58. 58.

    gnomedad

    December 12, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Oh, keep your pants on, Cole. We’re just getting started.

    He can’t. He’s cleaning the bathroom.

  59. 59.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    I’d nominate some BoB comments, but I don’t know where to start.

  60. 60.

    ihop

    December 12, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    i think of the above list that max hats’ is the best; but i will say that the helicopters are not joking thread is the finest and funniest thing i was able to read on the ted steven’s memorial intertube’s all year.

  61. 61.

    Mark S.

    December 12, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Yeah, this Michael Jackson coverage is way over the top.
    You’d think we lost Tim Russert or something.

    That’s pretty damn funny.

    It took me a while to find it, but I liked this comment from R-Jud. The context is songs Palin could sing for an upcoming album:

    “Hey, Big Spender”. Possibly re-written as “Hey, You Betcha!”

  62. 62.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    @geg6
    @debit

    One of the lovely joys in life — which I must do as a treat for myself very soon — is to watch *Becket* and *TLIW* back-to-back. Just unbelievably amazing to see O’Toole playing Henry II at very different ages and stages. Both brilliant screenplays based on some of the most interesting and exciting history of the last millenium.

  63. 63.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    dammit, just noticed Gass also cracked the WP code … with … his … ellipses.

  64. 64.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts

    I don’t think most people want to read about Pie Of The Year.

  65. 65.

    Grace Nearing

    December 12, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Love that movie. It crackles. Also made me go to the library and check out a bunch of biographies about Eleanor. What an extraordinary woman!

  66. 66.

    freelancer

    December 12, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    Can I nominate someone from this thread?

    https://balloon-juice.com/?p=15264&cpage=1#comment-1479441

  67. 67.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:

    LOL. Just got another glass of wine…

  68. 68.

    Comrade Mary

    December 12, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    @freelancer: Agreed! In fact, any John-cleaning-stuff-naked references are comedy gold.

    I think he’s learned now that revealing personal foibles in front of the commentariat is as potentially embarrassing as swearing in front of a toddler.

  69. 69.

    debbie

    December 12, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    @debit:

    You left out:

    Eleanor: What family doesn’t have its ups and downs?

    I watched “A Man For All Seasons” today; another great movie.

  70. 70.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    @Grace Nearing

    Oh, I know. It’s easy to do. I got hooked on Eleanor close to 50 years ago as a student at Northwestern and was assigned (I think I have this right) Amy Kelly’s Eleanor of Aquitaine and the Four Kings . At that time it was one of the very few Eleanor biographies out there — now of course there are many, as well as a fair collection of historical fiction about her. I also think Katherine Swynford (mistress and eventually third wife of John of Gaunt, and a key figure in the Wars of the Roses) is a fascinating character who lived during a rich and compelling period. Then there are the Tudors . . . .

  71. 71.

    bago

    December 12, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Umm. Santarchy?

  72. 72.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    @debbie: A Man for All Seasons is another great favourite. I haven’t seen it in a while; will have to pull out the DVD. Maybe I’ll just have a two-day orgy of my pet English History films during the holidays.

  73. 73.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    JenJen: Seconding JenJen’s nom of Zifnab’s “What happened to the carefree innocence* of the double wetsuit guy with black dildo anus?”

    (*Although even in those years we had reports like this, about Pennsylvania’s 10th CD US House Rep. Don Sherwood (R-Misogynist): “On September 15, 2004, a woman locked herself inside the bathroom of Sherwood’s Washington, D.C. apartment, and called 911 to report she was assaulted. When police arrived, the woman, Cynthia Ore, accused Sherwood of choking her, though he maintained he was only giving her a backrub.”)

    .

  74. 74.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    @gnomedad: OK, I nominate this one. Also.

  75. 75.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Then I get an assist for the set-up!

  76. 76.

    HRA

    December 12, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    It is hard to chose from the nominees. I like them all.

    I know we have to nominate a commenter and still what makes me unable to stop laughing (even tearing from laughter) as I simply remember part of it is Tunch and the dishwasher episode.

  77. 77.

    debbie

    December 12, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    I pulled out Man For All Seasons after reading Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall. Her view of More is really quite a change from the saint persona. And, that Henry VIII was one major [email protected]

  78. 78.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    @asiangrrlMN: Yeah, this contest needs a couples/team category.

  79. 79.

    The Dangerman

    December 12, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    @freelancer:

    I have to second this nominee…

    …and for Goodness Sake’s, can we get a Ballon Boy thread link STAT! Thank you kindly.

    @John Cole: Oh, keep your pants on, Cole. We’re just getting started.

    Just in case He Who Shall Not Be Named hops in his lap, his pants had best be kevlar lined.

  80. 80.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    arguingwithsignposts:

    I’d nominate some BoB comments, but I don’t know where to start.

    I think we’d need different category for that. Something like, “Most Frighteningly Freudian”, or “Most No-Clue Neo-Con”.

    Hell, we could do a whole thread on “Best Comebacks to BOB Posts”.

    .

  81. 81.

    gnomedad

    December 12, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:
    Thanks, everyone, this is so … meta.

    @asiangrrlMN:
    Your kickback is in the mail.

  82. 82.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    @The Dangerman:
    Here ya go.

  83. 83.

    DougJ

    December 12, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    I kind of like this one, too, from Corner Stone:

    Very, very dirty vodka MARTINI. Imagine, if you will, that you stole money from the Salvation Army person outside the department store, then took that money and used it to buy hookers, heroin, scratch off tickets and a copy of Going Rogue at full price.

  84. 84.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    I’m assuming JC will not accept any Stillers smackdowns… Because some of those football open threads are full of win.

  85. 85.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Speaking of bathroom cleaning, I nominate this post from Fulcanelli:

    Accidental fall or not, John, I hope this incident you had cleaning your bathroom in the nude with a mop isn’t in any way related to the post you put up a short while ago asking about the best video camera and microphone to buy.

    .

  86. 86.

    Betsy

    December 12, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    Oh man, this thread is just what I needed for my night in with a glass of wine. I knew I didn’t need to be paying for cable.

  87. 87.

    Mike in NC

    December 12, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Whatever the “Comment of the Year for 2009” is, it will surely be considered very good news for John S. Fucking McCain, you betcha, and for our Center-Right nation as a whole. Details to follow tomorrow on ‘Meet The Press/Press The Meat’.

    +3

  88. 88.

    RedKitten

    December 12, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Has it already been a year? My how time flies.

    Fuck, does that mean I have to give back my tiara?

  89. 89.

    RedKitten

    December 12, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Oh, keep your pants on, Cole. We’re just getting started.

    He can’t. He’s cleaning the bathroom.

    Okay, that one made me snort wine out of my nose.

  90. 90.

    Yutsano

    December 12, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    I have a stupid question. Instead of a comment, can we just nominate a thread of the year? Balloon Boy was so full of win all over the place it would be so tough to pick just one out of there.

  91. 91.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 12, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    @debbie: thanks for reminding me about Wolf Hall. Haven’t read it yet, but it’s on my list and just moved up.

  92. 92.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    @JGabriel: From the same thread. I do not have JGab’s mad linking skills, but I nominate kommrade reproductive vigor, comment #78:

    Nah. Everyone is trying to recreate John’s Bathtub Misadventure using a Ken Doll, a pencil, half a spaghetti box and a bottle cap (to represent the bathtub and toilet, respectively).

    Ha. Pure comedy gold.

    I gotta agree with Yutsano, though. Some of the threads are just chock-full of win and one comment can’t really be singled out.

  93. 93.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:
    @Yutsano:

    gotta agree with that. It would be hard to beat the Balloon Boy thread for win.

  94. 94.

    scav

    December 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    o jesus, the naked mopping incident was this year?! It clearly attained mythic, monumental, epic status in negative time.

  95. 95.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    This post has become so legendary that I thought it was from last year. It’s hard to believe it’s less than a year old. It burns itself upon the retina of the mind’s eye in such a psychologically damaging manner that it feels as old as a childhood memory of trauma.

    That said, I hereby nominate the infamous BOB post on The Chinese Restaurant And The Psychologically Formative Spectacular Toothless Lesbian Fight:

    Previous reference has been made to a period of time when the household budget was augmented by work as a lounge act at a small Chinese restaurant. At this job I witnessed a fight between a lesbian with no front teeth and a very large woman, who ended up getting her shirt and bra ripped off.
    __
    This was spectacular to witness and it is entirely possible that it has affected my psyche. I apologize for the inappropriate comment.

    Oh yeah, if that’s not a winner, it’s gotta be an honorable mention of some kind — Craziest Post of the Year, maybe?

    .

  96. 96.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 12, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    @JGabriel:

    I apologize for the inappropriate comment.

    Wow, that’s something I missed. BoB appologizing for an inappropriate comment. Must have been in the pie filter.

  97. 97.

    Yutsano

    December 12, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    @JGabriel: Craziest of the BoB could honestly be its own thread. Lots of great nominees too.

  98. 98.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    Oops. Forgot the link and didn’t hit edit in time: The Chinese Restaurant And The Psychologically Formative Spectacular Toothless Lesbian Fight — February 25, 2009.

    .

  99. 99.

    Annie

    December 12, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    @RedKitten:

    LOL…

  100. 100.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    December 12, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    I’m not even going to try and pick a top comment to submit, I will leave that task to others. Why? Because it would make more sense to have the Worst BJ Comment of 2009 since just about every topic posted here has a gem or twelve in it…lol

    Because there are so many great commentators here, why not have a Top Three BJ Comments? Picking only one just seems criminal with all of the comment talent we have on display here.

    Just a thought from the peanut gallery. ;)

  101. 101.

    Michael D.

    December 12, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    I nominate some comment this Michael D. made. Surely he has said SOMETHING witty this year!!

  102. 102.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    OK, I’m seconding or thirding the nomination of the entire Bathroom Blitz thread. It also contains these gems.

    wasabi gasp:

    Kicking the bucket naked while holding a mop handle and wrapped in a shower curtain has been topped by two wet suits and a dildo. Step it up, man.

    Bubba Dave:

    I decided to combine some housecleaning with personal hygiene, stripped naked to mop the bathroom and mopped my way into the tub,

    …
    You can take the Cole out of the Republican party…

    The fact that it also contains comments from BoB re: his nipples should not be counted against it.

  103. 103.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 12, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Ooooh, dueling threads. Balloon Boy v. Bathroom Blitz!

  104. 104.

    JGabriel

    December 12, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    Seconding KRV’s nomination of Bubba Dave’s comment from the Bathroom Blitz thread, which I will repost because it just keeps getting funnier:

    I decided to combine some housecleaning with personal hygiene, stripped naked to mop the bathroom and mopped my way into the tub,

    You can take the Cole out of the Republican party…

    .

  105. 105.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    December 12, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    @Michael D.: Christ, if you get funnier than the Riverdance comment we’ll have to lock you up at Fort Meade to keep you from falling into enemy hands.

  106. 106.

    JenJen

    December 12, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    @Jenn: Hi Jenn!! Welcome out from under the shadows. :-)

  107. 107.

    Mark S.

    December 12, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Steeplejack:

    Hey, to really push Bitsy over the top, how about a Project Wonderful ad with a barbecue fork sticking in her head? That would be gold, I think.

  108. 108.

    El Cid

    December 12, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    @Jenn: You liked me, you really, really liked me!

  109. 109.

    SGEW

    December 12, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    How could everyone forget the “Hello World!” thread?

  110. 110.

    mousebumples

    December 12, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    @SGEW: Agreed. I just reread the whole thread, and there was serious LOL’ing … once again.

  111. 111.

    Jenn

    December 12, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    Ha! Clearly, I need to go hang out in the archives, because I obviously have missed some killer threads! (My work frequently takes me to the middle of nowhere with no internet for weeks at a time — really nice to escape email, not so great returning…)

    Geez, closing down Starbucks. G’night everybody!

  112. 112.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    December 13, 2009 at 12:22 am

    Oh wow, I’d forgotten about that comment. I too am honored by the nomination!

    Blush

  113. 113.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 13, 2009 at 12:24 am

    @SGEW: This thread has GOT to be in the running for best thread evah. I re-read it, and man, do we fucking rock hard. Still giggling here.

  114. 114.

    OriGuy

    December 13, 2009 at 12:37 am

    @RedKitten:

    Fuck, does that mean I have to give back my tiara?

    Quitcherbitchen. You kept yours longer than Carrie Prejean kept hers.

  115. 115.

    Steeplejack

    December 13, 2009 at 12:59 am

    @John Cole:

    Michael Gass, October 15, 2009:

    The cops that tracked that balloon didn’t make jokes.
    __
    The helicopters didn’t make jokes.
    __
    The people making jokes are here . . .
    __
    And . . . they are wrong for doing it.

    Funny, ’cause I remembered it as “the helicopters weren’t laughing,” which sounds better to me. Go figure.

  116. 116.

    Steeplejack

    December 13, 2009 at 1:05 am

    @Steeplejack:

    WTF?! I tried to edit my own comment, and WP told me I didn’t have permission to do that–after opening an edit window and letting me type away in it. FYWP.

    Anyway, I edited my previous comment to add this:

    Damn it! I see that Arguing cited the quote above. I hatey-hate-mc-hate getting home so late. I am constantly torn between replying to comments as I go through the thread and waiting to see what other people have written (and thereby forgetting what I wanted to say). So I’ll just piss off then, shall I?

  117. 117.

    Steeplejack

    December 13, 2009 at 1:23 am

    @Mark S.:

    You embarrass me with your praise, sir. Thank you!

  118. 118.

    Svensker

    December 13, 2009 at 1:34 am

    @gnomedad:

    Ha ha ha. Win!

  119. 119.

    Wile E. Quixote

    December 13, 2009 at 3:10 am

    @JGabriel

    How about “Most Inadvertently Brilliant and Surreal” as a category for BoB’s classic posts.

  120. 120.

    Zuzu's Petals

    December 13, 2009 at 3:12 am

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Wasn’t that part of an SNL Appalachian Emergency Room skit?

  121. 121.

    arguingwithsignposts

    December 13, 2009 at 4:29 am

    @SGEW:
    Holy crap, how did I miss that one!

  122. 122.

    It's Too Hot To Sleep

    December 13, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Perhaps a suggestion for the next version/upcoming remake of BJ: allow users to “star” a particular comment (or something like that), so by the end of the year you can easily compile a list of all of the selected comments.

  123. 123.

    Pasquinade

    December 13, 2009 at 8:41 am

    matoko_chan:

    Sure, Palin gives old white guys wood. But that is a shrinking demographic.

    https://balloon-juice.com/?p=29957#more-29957

    Chad N Freude:

    Were you aware that the thesauruses and humans coexisted at the Creation?

    https://balloon-juice.com/?p=29133#comments

    …just a couple that I added to my “Pithy Quotes” Word doc

  124. 124.

    AkaDad

    December 13, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Thanks Laura W.

    If I get nominated and win I’ll finally have a legitimate reason to wear a tiara.

  125. 125.

    Steeplejack

    December 13, 2009 at 10:31 am

    I was going through my Balloon Juice notes file this morning looking for something else and was reminded of this gem from Cleek, which I hereby nominate:

    Show me on the doll where Goldman Sachs touched you.

  126. 126.

    donnah

    December 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    This was from January 5, Brother Can You Spare a Bullet:

    https://balloon-juice.com/?p=15191

    DougJ

    “Has anyone perfected the backbone transplant yet?”

    Normally, it’s only possible to give a patient a transplant involving a body part that the patient had at one time.

  127. 127.

    uila

    December 13, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    I nominate this comment, which came in a thread debating whether folks were wrong to be upset about Obama’s dismissive reefer joke back in the spring:

    You know one of my frustrations with blogs. It’s Dungeons and Dragons for political junkies. It makes people pretend that THEY are politicians facing the pressures of office and they must act sensibly to placate all the various interest groups and members of the public so that they can enact legislation.
    You aren’t a politician. You are a dude on a blog. Hell, you aren’t even that. You’re a guy in a comments thread.
    If you believe something, advocate for it. If you don’t, don’t. You aren’t Obama and you don’t have to cover for him. He’ll do fine by himself and may even appreciate it if people advocate for what they want instead of play-acting as “the sensible realist politician” that he has to be.

    The sentiment holds for non-reefer-related politics as well of course… [cough] Taibbi-haters [cough]

    Will pretty much owned that thread by the way.

  128. 128.

    Mr. Wonderful

    December 13, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I’m new here, and love Xecky’s Venice line, but I just went
    back and read most of the Balloon Boy thread.

    How can you beat “bring your condensation”?

  129. 129.

    Midnight Marauder

    December 13, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    I’d nominate some BoB comments, but I don’t know where to start.

    How about setting yourself on fire?

  130. 130.

    Mister Colorful Analogy

    December 13, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    @Midnight Marauder:

    I’d nominate some BoB comments, but I don’t know where to start.

    How about setting yourself on fire?

    Don’t know if this is CoY2009, but I LOL’d.

  131. 131.

    james hamlin

    December 14, 2009 at 9:14 am

    Michael said last week in some comments

    Sarah Palin, because W just wasn’t stupid enough!

    December 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am

  132. 132.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    December 14, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    I cannot find the post that I’m looking for and honestly don’t even remember what the hell the thread was about, but I remember it was The Moar You Know talking about a crazy ex-girlfriend who burned down his condo, fucked his best friend, and made artwork from menstrual blood, but the sex was SO GOOD … etc., etc.

    Anybody else remember? Help a brother out.

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