Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

The willow is too close to the house.

You cannot shame the shameless.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

No one could have predicted…

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131Comments

  2. 2.

    Comrade Dread

    Double-sided tape, I’ve heard works for cats. Lay it down on the fabric where they like to walk or climb, they don’t like the feel of it and will learn to avoid the areas.

    No guarantees though, given how contrary cats are, that they won’t just return once you pull it up, or try and kill you in your sleep for attempting to train them.

  4. 4.

    Scuffletuffle

    Bigger throw, and drape it over the back, too. I use king size blankets bought at a discount store. Washable cotton blankets work well, although my cats prefer the comfiness of microfleece.

  7. 7.

    Chyron HR

    My mother’s color commentary:

    “You could make a pot roast out of that one.”

  8. 8.

    geg6

    @stuckinred:

    Surefit slipcovers are the shiznit. And not horribly expensive, either.

    And gotta say, Cole, I just love your dog. She’s the cutest thing ever. Great pic.

  11. 11.

    gbear

    That couch cushion looks dangerously close to structural failure. Are Tunch and Lily using the same nutritional consultant?

  14. 14.

    eyepaddle

    Dude–I’m not a pet person (being alergic to pretty much EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS ON THIS PLANET, but damn, that is one adorable picture.

    I guess I can look at it as you are paying the price (somewhat dirtier sofa) so that I can enjoy the cute doggie and Tunch the mighty overlord pics. :)

  15. 15.

    gbear

    This is her new perch to guard our domain from any passing animals or people

    Get Off My View!!

  18. 18.

    John Cole

    @Morbo: I rescued her from a trailer of 24 cats and 4 dogs. That was what she lived with for the first few years of her life before going to the pound.

    She walks the spine of furniture like a cat.

  19. 19.

    fucen tarmal

    the pets have won…

    in order to be an effective leader, sometimes you have to see where the troops are going, and loudly declare that to be the proper direction….

  24. 24.

    Angela

    That is priceless. My pups do the same, my cushions are shot, but I smile everytime I see them so happy.

  26. 26.

    soonergrunt

    Great picture!
    I have two job interviews today. Both of which for jobs that pay quite a bit less than I was making. Since I was above market in my last job, I knew that would be the case, but that doesn’t mean it won’t suck.

  27. 27.

    Violet

    @John Cole:
    I’d forgotten she lived with so many cats. It’s a good thing you did, rescuing both Tunch and Lily. She’s adorable sitting there in that pose. Do Tunch and Lily spar over whose window it is, exactly?

  28. 28.

    Josie

    Just compare that posture to the cowering in the very early days and pat yourself on the back, Mr. Cole. That change in attitude is more valuable than a clean couch any day.

  29. 29.

    Keith G

    Be sure to rotate, and flip, those cushions (if you can) at least once a week or that middle one will be dead by Labor Day. If they are attached, just find another throw. ‘Taint no big thing.
    Another $20 will save you a whole lot more.

    Cute Lily!!

  31. 31.

    demkat620

    My Jack does that. He also leaves noseprints all over my front window. But hes ahppy so that’s all that counts.

  32. 32.

    ChrisS

    When we were looking for a house, I needed one where my cat could sit in a window and look out on the world (my girlfriend’s cat can sit and sulk on her bed).

    We found a house with a bay window in front shaded by a maple and french doors in the back shaded by a silver birch. My cat divides her time between the bay window watching cars and the back doors watching squirrels and birds.

    My girlfriend’s cat has a folded towel on a couch cushion all her own. When we have guests over, the towel is put away, but the cat will sit and glare at anyone sitting on her spot. Plus if that someone gets up, the cat will steal her seat back.

  33. 33.

    John Cole

    @Face: What are you talking about? She is 17 lbs and the vet says she is the perfect weight.

    I’m fat, my cat is fatter, but Lily is just right.

  34. 34.

    peach flavored shampoo

    @gbear: Have to agree, that couch cushion will be FUBAR’d in about 3 months if Lily continues to lie in the same spot. Which she will.

    Craiglist will be your friend come July, John.

  40. 40.

    HRA

    Great way for me to start this day! Great pic of beautiful Lily. Now I can wade through the sh.. I have to do.

    PS I did advise you to get slipcovers in the other thread.

  41. 41.

    ET

    John – give it up man.

    You are not going to win this battle because some part of you doesn’t want to. I’m sorry but that picture/pose is just too cute and you know you think so too.

  42. 42.

    Bad Horse's Filly

    I could take a picture now…I have a coordinating throw across the top of my couch so the cats can sit there and look out the window and I remove it to wash once a week and remove it when company shows up. But right now, my big black boy is sitting on the absolute the edge of the throw, his black butt firmly on the couch, not the throw.

    As far as I can see, all is right in the Cole household.

  44. 44.

    demkat620

    Hey John, you haven’t given us a Ginny and Guesly update in awhile. How are they doing?

  46. 46.

    merrinc

    @peach flavored shampoo:

    Indeed. Our cats have always preferred that lounging position on the center back of our expensive leather couch. After three years, they’ve finally got it permanently smushed down into a very comfortable cat bed. Couch looks like shit now but the furballs are happy.

  47. 47.

    Ash Can

    Lily: “Oh, Daddy, this is such a lovely blanket you put here. I promise I won’t sit on it and get it dirty.”

    Tunch: “Hey monkey-ass! What’s this shit on my couch?”

  48. 48.

    mistermix

    We just made a little perch for our dog to sit on so she can look out the front window. Move the couch away from the window a bit and get a little table or something that you can put a pad/blanket on.

    She spends a hell of a lot of time there, and loves having the window open a crack so she can sniff.

  51. 51.

    Clark

    I leave boxes all across the top of my couch to keep my dog from perching up there. Otherwise I would have a permanent dent there.

    Of course, I don’t have any cats right now. I can’t imagine they’d allow those boxes to stand.

  52. 52.

    Karen in GA

    @soonergrunt: I’ll wish you luck anyway.

    Either:

    (a) best of luck that they both offer environments that you’ll like enough that the pay cut won’t matter as much;

    (b) best of luck that they’ll suck so much that you’ll be happy to purposely blow the interviews and not feel that you’re missing out on anything; or

    (c) best of luck that it’ll be tolerable enough to tide you over until the market picks up and you find something better.

  54. 54.

    Dracula

    This is her new perch to guard our domain from any passing animals Glenn Greenwald

    Too soon?

  55. 55.

    jibeaux

    I just want to say that my day is already made, because in the LL Cool J / Sarah Palin saga (as a lady, I already love cool James, but if I didn’t already, I would now), I bring you the following exchange:

    Butthurt Fox Spokesman: “Real American Stories features uplifting tales about overcoming adversity and we believe Mr. Smith’s interview fit that criteria. However, as it appears that Mr. Smith does not want to be associated with a program that could serve as an inspiration to others, we are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career.”

    LL Cool J, tweet: “Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”

    I would have come up with something about the half-term former governor’s fledging reality show career and would have looked just as petty and stupid as Fox. But somehow LL Cool J hit just the right note.

  57. 57.

    deep cover

    I was on the bus home from work last night and some woman had a Lily lookalike on the seat next to her! I wanted to ask where she got her dog, but this is Seattle, so probably no connection. The resemblance was quite startling, though.

  58. 58.

    Seanly

    @Scuffletuffle:

    Covering all your furntiture with throws, blankets or slip covers kinda makes it pointless to have bought new furniture. Let the pets on it, but be prepared to clean up hair and the occassional doggie back-end dribble.

    My bitch Ginnie has always had a little drip problem. We have a futon laid flat for her, but since we rarely have guests the dirty cover is no big deal.

  60. 60.

    Woodbuster

    The answer is leather furniture. After our latest rescue, Peanut, showed up we now have four dogs. All I have to do is wipe down the cushions now and then and – presto! – clean furniture.

    On the other hand, floors are a daily pain in the ass.

    But, who cares, right!

  62. 62.

    Pigs & Spiders

    I think I’m the only one who tries to avoid the Lily posts here. Every time I see Lily it only reminds me that I’ve never had a dog and can’t currently get one, when all I want in the world is a dog. You’re a lucky man, Cole. And woe be to those who have to put up with me when I do finally get one.

  63. 63.

    Emma

    Beautiful thing to see first thing in the morning — and John, give it up. They win. All the time.

  67. 67.

    Betty Cracker

    My two big, slobbery boxer dogs perch on the back of my sofa just like that. Imagine two 50-60 lb. dogs lying atop the couch facing each other like a pair of cats. There’s not a damn thing I can do about it either.

  68. 68.

    soonergrunt

    @Karen in GA: Thanks. I’m still waiting to hear from my company as to whether or not I’ll be extended and offer in Florida or Georgia.
    I’m a lock for the Georgia job, if the site supervisor decides to actually staff it. The Florida position would be a stretch but I could do it.
    Either one would keep my current pay, and even if I had to live in an apartment while my family stayed in OKC, I would still make more money net over taking a job here.

  69. 69.

    bsr

    I just don’t allow my dog on the top of the couch,.. if she goes up there she gets a quick loud “No!” and the stinkeye (stinkeye copyright pending).

    If you don’t want her on the top of the couch then just don’t let her go up there. It’s a dog, not a fury baby Cole, she can take some rules and limitations without being traumatized.

  70. 70.

    Shinobi

    Can I recommend the pledge fabric sweeper (for pet hair). I was pretty annoyed at myself when I spent $5 on this fairly simple disposable contraption. But damn if it doesn’t get pet hair off of pretty much everything. (As long as you use it right, short strokes back and fort.)

    Sadly they designed it to be disposable, not my fave, but it still works pretty well. (I have a siberian husky and 2 cats, dealing with pet hair is my life. If you are looking for a good vacuum Kenmore makes an upright with lots of attachments that is handling the ridiculous amount of pet hair in our house pretty well. Plus it has a sensor that tells you when stuff is officially clean. Though this can lead to obsessive vacuuming… if you are me.)

  71. 71.

    gbear

    @jibeaux:

    It wasn’t just LL Cool J that Palin ripped off (via the lovely and talented TBogg):

    Hours after LL Cool J complained that Fox News was recycling an old interview with him for a new program hosted by Sarah Palin, representatives for the country musician Toby Keith, who was also listed as a guest for the show, made a similar charge against the cable channel. In a telephone interview on Wednesday, Elaine Schock, a publicist for Mr. Keith said: “I have no idea what interview they are using.

    Asked if Mr. Keith was ever interviewed by Ms. Palin, Ms. Schock said, “Absolutely not.”

    The moran-fu is strong with Fox news.

  75. 75.

    jibeaux

    @gbear:

    Yep, I heard about that too. When you’re getting shot down by Toby Keith, well, I’m not sure where she goes from there. Look for a country singer who’s recorded something even more jingoistic than “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue?” Ted Nugent is probably available, and maybe Lee Greenwood…

  78. 78.

    shortstop

    Just blew yogurt and strawberries all over myself. As a lifelong owner of those things that apparently manage to sleep on cold piles of leaves in the wild but must recline on the softest surface in each house they occupy, I sympathize…but it’s still hilarious.

  80. 80.

    geg6

    @jibeaux:

    What’s really kinda funny is that Toby Keith is a Democrat. I believe he even supported Obama, albeit somewhat quietly.

  81. 81.

    fishboots

    You’re going to have to move the couch. The protective urge is too strong in this one.

    That said, what a ‘lil cutie patootie.

  82. 82.

    GReynoldsCT00

    @demo woman:

    Ah, then I’m late to the party with the link. Oh well, I went over to Gawker thinking I’d find fodder for the April Fool’s thread and busted up when I saw that.

  83. 83.

    jibeaux

    @geg6:

    Yeah, he’s kind of….multifaceted. Or something. I think a lot of his songs are pretty catchy, but I just really hate Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue. Don’t care for the vigilantism of Beer for My Horses, either (really, Willie Nelson?).

  84. 84.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Karen in GA
    @stuckinred

    You know, there are really quite a few of us down here fighting the good fight. In addition to both of you, and me, there’s SIA, Demo Woman, A Mom Anon, and I’m sure several others I’m forgetting at the moment (is there someone who posts as JMC in ATL? That might be another.) We seem to be all over metro, from Athens, Barrow County, Gwinnett, DeKalb, Cobb and North Fulton. I’d love to figure out a way to do a GABJ meetup, but I’m not sure how the logistics would work. Don’t want to set it up in a thread and bore the 99 percent who aren’t in the area, but also don’t feel comfy posting my real name and contact info — otherwise I’d volunteer to coordinate things. What do y’all think?

    Apologies for the long O/T. To bring it back: I’m in the group that pretty much says the hell with the furniture, she’s adorable and happy, she can sit wherever she damn pleases. And John, she really is lovely. I’ve said it before, but what a good thing you did that day last June when you brought her home all sick and scared and bedraggled. Such a glorious transformation.

  85. 85.

    Laura Clawson

    John Cole, you’re such a grown-up with your nice couches and your throws. I have a shitty Ikea couch and where the cat lies, I have a towel, which is all snaggly from him kneading it.

    (Henley, by the way, spent 24 hours at the emergency vet being treated for the constipation he got from the sedative the first vet gave him, and is just now beginning to forgive me.)

  86. 86.

    Surly Duff

    @jibeaux:

    You are surprised by Willie Nelson? The man will do just about anything for other musicians or “artists”, regardless of the content or quality. He was in the Dukes of Hazard remake for gawd’s sake.

  88. 88.

    Leelee for Obama

    That is the bestest way for me to start my morning, Cole! Thanks so much for the pic, Lily is the sweetest and happiest of puppies.

    I would consider a really big piece of fleece fabric from Joann’s or Hancock fabric. It’s cheap, it’s very washable, everybody will love it, including you. You just throw it over the top and let ’em sit where they’re happy. Then wash it and Bob’s your uncle!

  93. 93.

    jayackroyd

    It is probably too late, but mine wasn’t allowed on the furniture. She had two beds, one under my bed, where she liked to sleep at night. She also liked to sprawl on her side in the sun on a bare floor.

  94. 94.

    Karen in GA

    soonergrunt, I’m glad you’ve got options. I was laid off September 30th, and just got a verbal job offer on March 30th. Yep, it’s a pay cut — but I’d be driving to Duluth instead of Atlanta. I can live with the pay cut, and I’d be getting off I-85 before I even reach GA 316, so I jumped on it.

    SiubhanDuinne, stuckinred: Doesn’t sound bad to me. As long as you don’t mind a boring 40-something not saying much, for the same reason I lurk more than I post — you guys are quicker than me.

  95. 95.

    Mnemosyne

    Today is Keaton’s birthday — our boy is 4 years old.

    When you have a giant goofy cat who was born sometime around April, you have to assign his birthday to April 1. I think it’s the law.

  96. 96.

    NobodySpecial

    I haven’t the heart to tell my cat no, since she’s so old. She likes to guard my feet when I lay on my bed, guard my head if I sleep on the couch, and pretty much mooches all my spots if I’m otherwise occupied. The house is really hers.

  97. 97.

    Dave Fud

    My couch looks like a sway-backed mare because of that. Enjoy your animals, but if you can’t pay the price of sway-backed furniture, you might want to try to change that behavior.

  99. 99.

    LGRooney

    Turn the couch perpendicular to the window and then put the throw back up where she will sit.

  100. 100.

    Felonious Wench

    Just leave ’em be, John, you won’t win. Unless you want to cover up the whole couch with a slipcover, which defeats the point of a new couch.

    Red couch + white dog + cat with white underfur = me saying “fuck it” and cleaning it when it gets unbearable. Animals and kids win in my house.

  101. 101.

    gbear

    @Mnemosyne:

    Well given that ‘sometime around April’ could cover a five week period, that gives you a 2.86% chance of being correct. That puts you way ahead of any teabaggers.

  102. 102.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    @Pigs & Spiders:

    Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin.

    Mr. Cole? Hmmmm!

    I guess the guy rocketed through the Black Hole some fear this gadget might produce and swallow us all hole.

  103. 103.

    Leelee for Obama

    @geg6: It’s British and I’m not sure what started it. On one of my favorite Masterpiece Series “Foyle’s War”, the copper at the desk tells someone how to do something and then says,’And Robert is your Father’s older Brother!” I laughed by butt off!

  104. 104.

    p.a.

    What Now, Einsteins?

    Seems they like the new place. It’s their life, you are just an accessory. Didn’t Snoopy think of Charlie Brown as ‘the guy
    with the can opener’? or some such?

  105. 105.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Karen in GA: Congrats on the new job! I actually live in Duluth (but commute every day to midtown). Am taking a few days off right now, though, and enjoying being lazy.

    As to your other point, I have serious doubts as to whether *anyone* could be boring in a BJ setting! I think you’re just fishing . . . :-)

    @Mnemosyne:

    Aww, happy birthday to Keaton! Of *course* his birthday has to be April 1st. (Is he named after Buster K., Diane K., or someone else?)

  107. 107.

    neil

    Lily is just messing with your head, that’s all. It’s what puppies do. It’s their mission.

  108. 108.

    slag

    Ha! Well…I’ll admit to having one sofa pillow that has a permanent cat-shaped indentation. Now that I think about it, no throw–no matter how strategically placed–would solve that problem. But, personally, I’m thinking my pillow looks better that way. It’s got kind of a lived-in quality about it. Yours might too, eventually.

    As for dealing with the fur…the product you use will probably depend on your couch’s fabric. It’s been my experience that trial-and-error is pretty much the only way to find yourself a good fur-removal device.

  111. 111.

    Karen in GA

    SiubhanDuinne, Leelee for Obama: Thanks!

    Strangely, I found out a few minutes ago that a friend of mine heard first from a former colleague and then from a VP at his old job. Seems there’s a position opening up in my friend’s old department. He’s meeting with them next week.

    He’s been out of work since he got laid off a year ago. He’s been happy for me as I’ve cleared each level of interviews and finally received an offer — I’m hoping I’ll get to be happy for him in return.

    Yeah, there’s definitely something weird in the air.

  113. 113.

    Tim F Too

    We use two small waste-basket sized garbage bags on the back of the couch. They blow off easily but both the cats and dog seem too inconvenienced by them to move them and have stayed off of the back since we’ve started using them.

    Just slit them down the side so that they can drape over the cushions.

  114. 114.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @flukebucket
    @geg6

    Bur I don’t *want* B.O.B. to be my uncle! I don’t want to be related to him at *all*. . . .

    Oh, wait. Sorry.

  115. 115.

    x

    The back of the couch facing a window or door is said to be bad feng shui. Lily is trying to show you good couch feng shui!

    And maybe you could discretely velcro the throws onto the seating?

  119. 119.

    Mnemosyne

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Is he named after Buster K., Diane K., or someone else?

    He’s named after Buster but, at the time, we also had a Boris (Karloff) and were afraid that they would get confused if they both had B names.

  122. 122.

    licensed to kill time

    This photo really makes me laugh – Lily on guard!

    Obviously the only solution is to put the throw on Lily, not the couch. Make her a doggieSnuggie and post the pic here! ;-)

  123. 123.

    bey

    It’s a case of animals on furniture OR hairless furniture. You cannot have both. You can only mitigate the amount.

    Me – I can’t resist the adorableness of cats and dogs perched on furniture, so I’ve resigned myself to shorter furniture lifespans and hair. I save my “No”s for stuff that’s more important to me. So my furniture has dents where the cats and dog sleep on the back cushion. I can live with that. It’s just stuff after all. I can always get more stuff.

    But. Or I should say BUTT! If I remember correctly, Lily was 17 lbs when you got her. She has, um, bloomed somewhat since then, at least according to the pictures. But still gorgeous of course.

  124. 124.

    Brachiator

    @bsr:

    If you don’t want her on the top of the couch then just don’t let her go up there. It’s a dog, not a fury baby Cole, she can take some rules and limitations without being traumatized.

    Or move the couch and put a chair or perch just for Lily. Or live with it, especially since she looks so happy. Great photo.

  125. 125.

    Jager

    Cold drink, settles back on new couch to watch a big game, a minute goes by, whats that smell? It’s doggy ass, Mr Cole, doggy ass.

    (I took a nap in the guest room on Sunday, spread a blanket on the bed and my big old German Shepard joined me, hour later I woke up because he had let a nasty, greasy, silent killer doggy fart and the worst part, he had reversed his position so the part covered by his tail was about 12 inches from my face!) Gotta love the pets!

  126. 126.

    asiangrrlMN

    Aw, Lily looks so happy and content on her new perch! I say let her be.

    @Mnemosyne: Keaton is ridiculously cute. Give him birthday scritches for me, please!

    @soonergrunt: Good luck, man. It sucks to have to take a pay-cut, though.

    @Karen in GA: OK, first, glad you got a new job. Second, when you said Duluth, I immediately thought, “Duluth, MN?” Which would be quite the commute.

  129. 129.

    gelfling545

    When my daughter’s cats came to visit for an extended period they developed the unpleasant habit of climbing on the dining table. The ONLY thing that stopped them (not double sided tape, not sprays, nothing else) was a little device called Tattle Tale (or Tail I’m not sure which). You set it on the piece of furniture and when the animal jumps up the vibrations cause it to emit a hideous eeeep sound. It costs about $20 and has kept my table feline free.

  131. 131.

    LiberalTarian

    Dude, I went from 1, to 2 for company, to 4 because “Mom if you don’t take them who will” pets. Sometimes loving, but often shrill, cats. I have given up all claim to the furniture, my bed or my house. They are very sweet–3 of them anyway. The one cat that I actually wanted is way bent out of shape. I need a very large house with a very large basement. With basement windows for them to stick their wet little noses all over.

    But, like the man said, they are my family, and I enjoy them.

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