Since my misery always seems to cheer you people up, I took your advice and took the kids to the park for a long walk so they could run. And, because they hate me, they both made a beeline for a pile of deer shit and engaged in synchronized shit rolling:
As you can see, Lily is fond of the full facial camouflage job, while Rosie goes for a little mask and some racing stripes. Don’t tell me they didn’t know what they were doing and it was instinct. Look at that look on Rosie- she knew what they had done.
If anyone had overheard me giving them their baths I would have my dogs taken away: “Quit your damned whimpering, the water isn’t cold. You know what you did. Suck up and take it like a man. I’m not the one who rolled in shit. This is your fault. That shivering isn’t fooling anyone. Asshole.”
Tim O
Nice. I feel your pain.
Omnes Omnibus
You are happier now, right?
Cat Lady
A pile of deer shit? What the hell do deer eat there?
El Cid
Maybe someone needs to invent temporary, quick-to-break-down artificial shit for dogs to roll in.
FiveInchTaint
Oh sweet Jesus. If my dog ever did that, he’d never see a park again for the rest of his life.
The next to last samurai
I always watch Olympic synchronized shit rolling and I think Rosie and Lily have gold medal potential.
Violet
Heh. Rosie knows what she’s done for sure. Just look at that look on her face. Lily just looks as happy as can be. “Look, John! Look at this wonderful crap I found to roll in! Isn’t it great!”
No doubt Tunch will appear shortly to remind you why he’s far superior to these canines. He’d be right in this case.
Eric U.
I’ve never had to take a shit-covered dog anywhere in a car, how is it done? Our dog used to like to run across the street to the cow field. My experience with deer shit is that it’s nasty, but it is really no comparison to fresh cow shit. Our dog was a dalmatian, and she would come back covered so that she was green. She ended up dying of mange, I don’t know if the cow shit rolling had anything to do with that or not.
cleek
this is what indoor cats are for
demo woman
Someone on this site explained why dogs are so proud of themselves for rolling in shit. I cannot remember the explanation but it has something to do with the wonderful perfume scent. lol
SiubhanDuinne
To the tune of “Climb Every Mountain”
Let’s roll in deer shit,
Find every turd,
We can get all stinky —
Better than dead bird!
All green and squishy,
My fav’rite scent,
Let’s pretend we didn’t
(Lookin innocent).
We may have to bathe at the end of the day,
But it’s worth it my friend, just to hear John Cole say:
“Lily and Rosie,
Where have you been?!
That’s some nasty deer shit
You’ve been rolling in!”
bkny
oh man … and when you’re in an already pissy mood. the girls might want to bathe themselves tonite…
great photos, though. lololol……
Yutsano
@demo woman: Old instinct regarding scent masking. You roll in something stinky and it hides the scent of dog so it makes sneaking up on the prey easier. I can see how that behavior would turn into a joyous occasion for a puppeh.
Strandedvandal
Well, I know I feel better.
Mark S.
@Cat Lady:
Tamales? It sure as hell doesn’t look like they were eating berries.
SiubhanDuinne
@demo woman:
I don’t remember who posted it, but it was something to do with dogs as descendents of wolves disguise themselves with forest scents, which include shit and dead stuff. Cats, as descendents of big desert felines, need to be as scentless as possible, so the best evolution for them was to clean themselves constantly.
Something like that.
So, Handel and Deal are dead heat. Any predictions?
Just Some Fuckhead
Max hasn’t ever rolled around in shit but he loves to roll around in crustaceans and canned air.
Cat Lady
@Mark S.:
Tamales with a side of cabbage and beans. Good thing they don’t fly. Also.
Mister Papercut
*replaces “[you look] like the cat that ate the canary” with “like the dog that rolled in deer shit” in personal lexicon*
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
Shorter John Cole:
My dogs have no common scents!
2th&nayle
Lily’s look sez, “Don’t blame me, Dad. Rosey talked me into it.”
Rosey’s look sez, “That’s what you get for putting those damn collars back on us. heh, heh, heh!”
hitchhiker
Rocky-the-world’s-most-wonderful-Golden-Retriever used to be happiest of all when he’d just eaten some horse shit and there was green gluey stuff clinging to his teeth.
Big smile, every time.
Also, too, he loved to snuffle through the catbox, in search of a quick snack.
And let’s not forget the rummage through the daughters’ bathroom trashcan, just in case it was that time o’ the month.
We had to say goodbye to him last September. Hasn’t stopped hurting yet.
YellowJournalism
I laughed so hard I woke up one of my kids. Thank you. I needed to laugh like that today.
artfuldodger
I’ve learned more shit about shit then I’ve ever wanted to know.
demo woman
@SiubhanDuinne: Handel’s folks are fired up and ready to go after today’s event. Did you read the column on Political Insider where someone showed up dressed like Sarah and another brought a mannequin that was styled like Sarah. Those folks belong to a cult.
soonergrunt
Sounds like me bathing my kids.
I didn’t actually post this on bj, did I
13th Generation
Damn Cole, even on the leads? Do you have any control over those pups whatsoever?
SiubhanDuinne
@demo woman:
I know. Members of the Worshipful Company of Palinistas. But what’s interesting, according to the polls, is that Deal has come from several points behind last week to one or two in front of Handel (all within the MoE, of course, so neck-and-neck). They’re both so awful, I keep wondering which one would be better (from our perspective) as an opponent to Barnes. Or maybe it doesn’t much matter.
General Stuck
Guess I’m lucky, Charlie isn’t in to rolling in shit, what he does is mark every fucking twig of grass sticking up, then paws up a bunch of dust trying to be some alpha dog bad ass, or something.
QuaintIrene
Wow, it looks like Lily gave herself the full shit-spa treatment.
WereBear (itouch)
@SiubhanDuinne: I’m so pleased, you remembered my explanation!
This is one of the Cat Advantages, you ask me.
John Cole
@13th Generation: They were off the leash at the park to run.
ihop
sorry to hear of this evening’s poop-tastrophe, but i did laugh my ass off.
my little jack russell terror loved poop; eating, rolling, wearing, living, even used as a statement of political will.
but to add to the oddness around here, while viewing this page in firefox i only see the two pictures of lily, i had to fire up IE to see all three.
Dreggas
having read about your dogs and their adventures in shit rolling I dreaded putting down manure to help my fruit trees and such. I am pleased to say that while the pitbull does indeed like the smell of manure neither she or the chihuahua roll in it.
Cat Lady
Actually, John, my wager would be they rolled in goose shit. Geese love grassy spaces. “Loose as a goose” is a saying for a reason, and the color is right.
I’m going to go get a life now.
ErinSiobhan
Where are the photos of you when the girls returned covered in poop? Now THOSE, I’d pay to see.
Ross Hershberger
Our dog Geezer got skunked last summer so we keep him in after dusk. This week one of the evil stinkweasels came up to the screened back door. The dog barked of course – his job – and the skunk sprayed the door. Hilarious scrambles to get all of the windows closed.
trollhattan
Jeez, I’ve seen “shit-eating grins” but never “shit-rollin’ grins.” They are both most pleased with themselves. Yuck.
The next to last samurai
This really IS a shitty blog,isn’t it?
Scott
@SiubhanDuinne:
(sniff) That’s so beautiful. That’s — That’s — (breaks down in loud weeping and giggling)
13th Generation
@John Cole:
My bad..mine will map out any ground for other critters like a bloodhound (she’s not), but avoids other poop like the plague. My condolensces.
Spaghetti Lee
I’ve always preferred the gymnastics events myself.
chopper
the one single advantage of living in the city. course, just to spite me on this issue my sophie will bring a dead, rotting pigeon home tomorrow.
demo woman
@Cat Lady: Wow, I’m impressed that you can identify the possible culprit.
@SiubhanDuinne: My feeling is Handel. Since I have voted in Republican primaries before, I have been bombarded by Handel phone calls and have heard nothing from Deal. I know that I live in Fulton County but gee, you would think that they would do one robo call. That means several more visits from the witch from wasilla.
Jim Parish
This might console you a little bit:
Dogs In Elk
Keith G
@SiubhanDuinne: Seriously great song.
Now if you only had a nun’s habit and a guitar, you could Youtube it and get a million hits.
eemom
So which is harder to wash off — blog-shit, or real shit?
The doggies were trying to give you some perspective. They meant well.
Annie
Rosie and Lily just did “high fives.” Bet Dad will think twice before he leaves us with a babysitter again. Wait, until the middle of the night when John takes a bathroom break. Tunch already has prepared his surprise.
SiubhanDuinne
@WereBear (itouch) #31:
I should have figured out it was you, since I couldn’t remember!
jcgrim
one deer’s shit is another dog’s perfume
slank
I am with Cat Lady, just doesn’t look like deer poo smears to me, more loosey goosey for sure.
sukabi
LOL!!!!! snerk!!!!
you’re lucky it wasn’t a nice fresh, juicy, green pile of cow shit. Many, many years ago I went with my folks, with my kids and brothers airedale to visit my grandmother… she lived up in the woods and the neighbors had a couple of cows in the field next door… the dog, to complete her visit went for a romp in the field and found the nastiest pile of cow shit to do a head dive and roll in…. Dad took her down to the creek to wash her up, but we had a 70+ mile ride home with cow shit dog…
pika
Who put the ‘stink’ in instinct?
Gravenstone
Growing up on the farm, with a rotating cavalcade of various hounds, mutts and cast-offs – I cannot recall a single case of one of them rolling in shit or carcasses. Not. a. one. Guess you drew the short straw on the doggie misbehavior lottery.
Comrade Mary
In dog synchronized shit-rolling, they don’t wear nose clips, but you really should.
(Does Amazon sell nose clips? Should John set up a permanent link at the right so we can donate to a good cause? We buy because we care, sweetie.)
On preview: oh, yes! DOGS IN ELK, as linked above by Jim. One of the few things I have ever truly LOLed over.
EDIT: For some reason, Rosie’s pic isn’t showing up in the comments view, just on the front page.
SIA
@SiubhanDuinne: You’re in FAB FORM today! I loved “Quasi-MoDo” too!
@SiubhanDuinne:
More like, which one do I most despise? Probably Handel, since she refused to extend voting hours in Dekalb County (Democratic leaning with lots of colors other than white Dekalb County) during the last election. I think I despise her the most. So yeah, she’ll probably win.
bemused
Unless you have a secret doggie shampoo that conquers shit of all kinds, letting them snuggle in the bed with you tonight would be something I would avoid.
LiberalTarian
BWAHAHAHAHA.
SIA
@bemused: Tea tree oil shampoo works pretty well. (I don’t think John’s allowed to keep them off the bed – precedent’s been set.)
srv
If you were a real man, you’d do something like this:
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local-beat/Airline-Steward-at-JFK-Pulls-Emergency-Chute-Flies-Coop-100286494.html
Elie
@SiubhanDuinne:
Yeah is that kinda like Old Spice for male humans — disguises predatory and stupid scents under a facade of olfactory misdirection: “Hey babe, I am cool, I smell nice and took the time to put this on so I must be at least willing to be nice.. ”
Actually I think its cool. And while cats don’t do it exactly like this, they do roll onto their dead prey (mice and such). They also celebrate the kill way more than dogs — throwing it up in the air, biting of their widdle heads and leaving parts of carcasses around your house. Barbie’s Dream Van is just not the same with a dead mouse in it and a little girl screaming “what’s that!”. My cat Buddy has on two occasions left dead voles like fine silver place settings next to his food bowl… Looking at his face after my discovery, I definitely detect a very fine sense of irony in those half closed, lemon colored eyes…
tatertot
Long ago in the 20th century, I spent a winter in a lakeside cabin (student rental) with 3 friends and their dogs. Picture this: a freezing cold night, a log fire blazing. Enter dogs, who lie in front of blazing fire and then cabin begins to fill with fish-stench. Dogs had found a dead frozen fish on shore and rolled in it, thinking obviously ‘ooh, eau de poisson mort – mais oui!’ So time to sort out the scents – which is worse: dog poo, deer poo, or DEAD FISH???
geg6
I have known many a dog in my time, but never a dog that rolled in or ate shit of any type. Sniff it closely, stare at it, continually come back to it, yes. But roll in or eat it? That dog would be on the leash, trotting next to the car as I drive at grandma speed all the way home. I’m willing to bet that would solve the problem. But short of that, I hope you carry tarps in you trunk, Cole.
bemused
@SIA:
What a great ending to the day, shit rolling and cleanup, then looking forward to trying to sleep with the faint aroma of shit drifting through the air. Tea tree shampoo sounds excellent but I would probably still notice a lingering odor. Sometimes a good sense of smell is not an asset.
Geeno
@demo woman: Specifically deer shit. They try to make themselves smell like the prey animals so they get close without being noticed.
Larkspur
I once knew a delightful little Jack Russell Terrierist – I was not his designated human companion, but I often dog-sat for him. His actual human daddy used to love to go abalone diving, usually on the very day the season opened. He’d bring the abalones home, clean ’em on the driveway, bury the guts in garden alongside the driveway (OMG, the garden with the most beautiful, sturdy, luscious basil bushes ever), then go in and wash and prepare the abalone steaks and feed them to a grateful circle of friends.
Why he did not anticipate a Terrierist attack (I swear there was a memo: “Cute pup determined to dig up foul nasty rotting innards in 5, 4 ,3 ,2….”) I do not know.
But dig ’em up he did. Oh, that little Jack Russell was so thrilled! He rolled and rolled and turned green and scampered up to the little girls in the household, and was delighted at the fun game of them running away screaming. Finally dad managed to grab him. Three separate consecutive baths finally got the odor. Jeepers, I wish there had been video. I’d watch it every Christmas.
Dogs are different from us. Please note that they endure nauseating odors like Old Spice or Garbage Pour Le Homme or Glade intermittent crop-dusting devices without biting us. They must wonder why we essentially roll in that shit. Spa Fresh Lavender-Cypress Dry Spray-on Oil? Holy crap, sez the dogs, they’re at it again. Oh well, la-di-da, they’re our humans and we loves them lil knuckleheads.
I believe you ought to engage the services of a bona fide dog walker every weekday. Perhaps one could be found who would accept tomatoes in partial payment of his or her fee.
Bill
ASPCA ! ASPCA ! ASPCA !
asiangrrlMN
Hahahahahhaha! I love the sly grin on Rosie’s face. You dogz in shitz pics have brightened my day.
PTirebiter
Now I really adore those dogs, damn that’s funny.
SiubhanDuinne
@Elie #61: “Love to eat them mousies, Mousies what I love to eat. Bite they tiny heads off, nibble on they tiny feet.”
:-)
I miss Kliban.
bemused
@SiubhanDuinne:
Kliban was the best.
Doctor Science
Aren’t both those pix of Lily? Yes, you can even tell it’s the same pattern of shit.
Speaking as a scientist and shoe-cleaner, that is *clearly* goose shit.
LanceThruster
The shit-rolling grins are what gave me the belly laughs (and that knowing look – “We’re dogs. It’s what we do.”)
smileycreek
Re: Rosie:
That there is a purely wicked grin.
It’s the same look my rat terriers give me when I call them away from eating kitty-truffles.
They always know where the kitty-truffles are buried. Even if I turn my back for only 30 seconds.
Alice Blue
@SiubhanDuinne and demo woman:
I’m pulling for Handel because I think Barnes will have a better chance of beating her in November. I know a lot of Georgia progressives aren’t enthused about Barnes, but next to Deal he might as well be Abbie Hoffman.
I’m working the polls tomorrow, and since less than half of the folks who voted in the primary will come back, my little precinct will probably have a total of about 40 voters. It’s going to be a very long day.
trollhattan
@SiubhanDuinne:
Amen bruddah. “Section of a Cohen.” Har.
Kliban was by far the most-posted cartoonist on profs’ office doors when I was in college.
Elie
@SiubhanDuinne:
Hee,hee,hee — so true!
LanceThruster
@bemused:
A GF gave me a great Gary Larson cartoon when we first started dating. A dog arriving at the door with flowers said, “Hello Bernice. You look lovely and whatever you rolled in smells delightful.”
Larkspur
@LanceThruster: Ooh, I remember another one. The dog date couple are in the back seat of the cab, and Mr. Dog turns away discreetly with a little dispenser labeled “Dog Breath” to spritz in his mouth.
Jman
Oh fer christsakes, quit crying about your shit rolling dogs. Suck it up, be a man. First off, most cities require dogs be on a leash. The big advantage to you is you can keep them from rolling it stinking shit. Only let them off leash in areas that you know don’t have festering bags of decomposing fish guts. And you won’t be violating the law or risking a lawsuit. Besides there is lots of shit worse than deer shit. Also.
SIA
@bemused: On the few occasions where one of my cats has peed on the bed or some other verboten location, for days I smell cat pee everywhere, owing to paranoia.
Efroh
What’s with the poop eating, I wonder? What evolutionary benefit does that get you?
*pets non-poop eating kitty on lap*
Larkspur
@Efroh: (a) Mama dogs lick brand new poop off their pups because (1) it jump-starts the wee ones’ bowel functions, and (2) it traditionally makes the nest harder to locate by predators; and (b) dogs have such exquisitely acute sniffers that they can determine if there is any possible nutritional value in whatever material upper-class have-more hoity toity critters may have so carelessly off-loaded. Working-class dogs are gleaners.
Elizabelle
As always, am grateful that Balloon Juice includes digital photography of the pet loved ones.
And no Odorama.
SiubhanDuinne
@trollhattan #76:
*Amen bruddah.*
(I’m a sistah, BTW, not that it mattahs.)
*“Section of a Cohen.” Har.*
People forget how much fabulous NON-Cat stuff he did.
*Kliban was by far the most-posted cartoonist on profs’ office doors when I was in college.*
Me too. These days it’s more likely one of the Bunny Suicides.
Ruckus
@Ross Hershberger:
Had a golden growing up that would retrieve skunks and bring them up on the back porch. Wouldn’t hurt them but the skunks didn’t know that. Can’t remember how many times the dog and the back porch got sprayed but it was not an uncommon nor forgotten occurrence.
Nicole
What a coincidence- this is the same thing I said tonight to the baby when he got his bath.
over it
Where is the pic of Rosie?
Both of the above pics are of Lily, no?
Felanius Kootea (formerly Salt and freshly ground black people)
@Jim Parish: reading John’s story and the one you linked to, I almost peed myself, I was laughing so hard. I really needed that after a looooong day at work.
Lesley
In those pics, they look like one dog, or twins. It’s uncanny.
Anne Laurie
@Efroh:
Serious scientific explanation: Cat guts (and people guts) are relatively inefficient at nutrient absorbtion. There’s a lot of left-over nutritional value in cat turds and… that of many omnivorous species, as well. Dogs are natural gleaners, whose digestive systems are perfectly happy to make use of second-hand calories, and they are therefore natural, committed shit-eaters. Training dogs, even highly intelligent professional assistance dogs, not to eat shit is one of the most demanding tasks in the repertoire… it’s just way way easier for us non-professionals to keep the shit away from our canine housemates than to convince our housemates that the cats’ litter box isn’t a canape server.
One the other hand, despite the Victorians’ Tarzan fantasies, it’s quite probable that dogs started hanging around people in the first place because a band of humanoids produces enough excrement to qualify, in canine terms, as an open-air buffet. The less choosy wolves found they could make a pretty good living mooching off human middens, and the partnership went on from that starting point.
Anne Laurie
@over it: There are three pictures in the original post. I can’t see the third picture (Rosie) in FireFox, but I can in IE6. (On the other hand, the rest of this site falls apart in IE6, and then crashes. )
As far as I can tell, from my tech-challenged perspective, FYWP won’t even let John post three
linksimages in a row; all three HTML strings look the same when I peek at them but Rosie’s picture just isn’t showing up “on screen”.Yutsano
@Anne Laurie: That’s bizarre. I’m using the latest version of FF and I see all three pictures just fine. Maybe the latest version is what needs to happen, I dunno.
2th&nayle
@Anne Laurie: Same with me. I’m using the lastest FF and it’s working fine.
Comrade Mary
On FF 3.6, I can see all 3 pics on the front page, but only the first two inside the comments view.
2th&nayle
Is it just me or does Rosey’s sly look sorta remind anybody else of Dick Dastardly’s sidekick dog, “Muttley” from the old Wacky Races cartoons?
asiangrrlMN
Google Chrome. Can see all pics on front page and in the actual post.
stormhit
It has to do with the ads somehow. If you disable ad blocking or set your internet security to a lower level you can see all three in every browser.
This is also the case for the feed(using Reader).
Resident Firebagger
Hasn’t the Dog Whisperer covered this issue?
ET
Your misery does make me giggle. Sorry.
I giggle even more thinking of you being locked up in a car with them. Again, Sorry.
AnnaN
Alter your perspective. Lily and Rosie look utterly blissed that their dad took them to the park and hid a pile of deer crap just for them so they could treasure hunt. This is going to make their top ten list for the year. He even took photos for the Christmas newsletter!
And then dad goes bonkers and bathes them? Sheesh. And schizophrenogenic.
Also. Too.
dave
Could be worse, in northern Wisconsin they choose bear shit. There is nothing, NOTHING, worse than that! Your tirade to the dogs sounds just like mine and yes I use cold water from the hose and a pressure nozzle is helpful.
Caelan
Defnitely goose shit. Deer shit, as I recall from my scouting days, is actually small shot-sized pellets; That’s not nearly as fun to roll in as mucky, gooey goose shit. My beagles have gotten into it before and it is absolutely foul. As a bonus, we were right next to the river but they refused to go in so I could wash them off!
Needless to say, the park is not my favorite place to walk the dogs anymore.
LanceThruster
@Larkspur: Too funny!
Larkspur
@LanceThruster: Oh, bless your heart. I was feelin’ kind of invisible. I’m hypersensitive like that.
Meanwhile, I understand that the worst, foulest poop in the world ever is, in fact, python poop. (Pythons only poop a few times a year.)
But somehow, I think dogs rolling in python poop is an unlikely scenario. I picture me and the dogs running like hell, screaming “Pythons! Holy crap! Pythons!“