Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

Tick tock motherfuckers!

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

This really is a full service blog.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

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Open Thread

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So this morning, Tunch, Lily, and I were lounging in bed having a moment, and Rosie decided she needed to join us. So she jumped up on the foot of the bed, and one of the wood slats holding up my box springs said “Look, your fat ass and Tunch was one thing, but now this too? Enough!” and broke, hurtling us all to the ground and scaring the shit out of all the animals. Once the barking, hissing, and bleeding stopped, I realized what happened.

So off to the lumber yard it is.

And in reality, my box springs didn’t fit the bed frame, so I had just a flimsy piece of wood down at that end and completely forgot to replace it months ago, and it was bound to break. I like the version above better, though, because it gives me an excuse to keep calling Rosie “piglet.”

Reader Interactions

50Comments

  3. 3.

    cyntax

    ::starts to say something::

    Nope. Too easy.

    Glad to hear no one ended up at the vet/hospital.

  4. 4.

    Violet

    So this morning, Tunch, Lily, and I were lounging in bed having a moment

    I am not sure I needed to know this.

  7. 7.

    chowkster

    Dude, it is non-stop slapstick comedy at your house. Why don’t you set up a live webcam and sell subscriptions?

  9. 9.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Zam: I saw a segment on TRMS about all those disenfranchisement campaigns to fight non-existent voter fraud. I can’t imagine they won’t be tied up in court challenges for years. Small comfort, but maybe time to to change a couple of state legislatures.

  10. 10.

    Yevgraf (fka Michael)

    @Violet:

    I am not sure I needed to know this.

    Foursome. Some people will pay a premium for that kind of action.

  13. 13.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    i never got how that worked, i mean springs, mattresses they seem like they come in pretty standard sizes, the frames ought to fit pretty much perfect. i had to buy the ever wonderful split box on a queen size, which is like a moped, fun until you try and tell your friends about it

  14. 14.

    handy

    because it gives me an excuse to keep calling Rosie “piglet.”

    Judging by the photo you posted of Tunch yesterday, Rosie’s not the only “piglet” in your household.

  15. 15.

    Roger Moore

    Did you remember to put on your crash helmet and full pads before leaving the house? I don’t want to see another “in the hospital recuperating from a bizarre, clumsiness related accident” report later today.

  17. 17.

    WaterGirl

    @Violet: Not sure if you saw my response to your comment the other day on the lightbulb thread. You had mentioned the issue you have with flickering lights being part of a collection of symptoms, and i have a terrible time with flickering lights so i wondered what that was about.

  18. 18.

    El Cid

    You should consider making a wood block leg or foot from the center of one or two of the slats to the floor.

    This will bear the weight without the risk of breaking the slats or warping the box springs.

    There are also accessories you can buy that you just stretch from rail to rail and do the same with an adjustable foot, and sometimes you can find cheap ones and sometimes places overcharge.

  20. 20.

    kindness

    Bored at work. Been looking around at funny web sites trying to find laughs. Some at Failblog, but not enough. You know who pretty much blows now? Wonkette. Yea, Ana Marie left for Time mag & she sucks over there but it used to be Wonkette would have one or two chuckles a day. Not any more.

    So now the intertubes has become what cable tv became. 400 channels and nothing good on.

  21. 21.

    jibeaux

    Well, at least it didn’t happen with a female human in the bed. There’s that. Wait, is that a “too bad” and not an “at least”?

  22. 22.

    Lavocat

    Very funny and it made me laugh out loud. Something similar happened to me years ago.

    I love the reactions from pets in general, and cats specifically, in situations like this. No matter the cause, their response is always the same and if they could speak English, it would be something like this: “WTF is your major malfunction, douchebag!? Tonight, while you sleep …”

    John, I think Tunch may have put a hit out on you.

  23. 23.

    different church-lady

    …having a moment…

    Is that what you’re calling it nowadays?

  24. 24.

    trollhattan

    @taylormattd:

    Enters room from stage left, sees collapsed bed amid a scattering of animals.

    “Cole, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

    /R.Ricardo

  26. 26.

    Cat Lady

    The phrase “leading from behind” seems to have caught on as it pertains to Obama’s style of conducting foreign policy, I guess as a pejorative, but that term just makes me picture him holding the reins of a team of wild horses who all want to bolt in different directions. Another way Obama has failed me today I guess.

  27. 27.

    Citizen_X

    Here an artist illustrates the word salad that was the (official! really!) press statement from Newt’s campaign the other day. The words are verbatim, no matter how nonsensical they seem.

  28. 28.

    pragmatism

    make sure your bed is rated for the girth requirements, slimberly. you could always switch to a concrete platform like some of the hotels in mexico.

  32. 32.

    Svensker

    Remind me never to go on or in vehicles that can malfunction with you. Do wings regularly fall off airplanes when you fly? Transmissions drop out of the bottom of cars? Planks split wide open in boats?

    Rosie may be piglet, but you seem to be Pigpen, now with catastrophes instead of dirt.

  34. 34.

    Montysano

    @Zam:

    I really hate my state right now

    If it’s any consolation, Walker is too vile for even the 27%-ers, and has probably fucked the WI GOP for the foreseeable future. At least that is what I prefer to believe.

  36. 36.

    El Cid

    There was one very big change in Obama’s speech on US’ Israel/Palestine policy.

    And the Congress and Israeli militarist lobbyists and activists and ideologues and the Israeli government itself is likely to go nuts.

    Obama stated that it was US policy that the goal of I/P negotiations would be a return to the 1967 borders. (With that being the goal, of course, with all the standard things about security for Israelis and Hamas etc.)

    The US has never pushed or supported an explicit return to the 1967 borders. Even in language.

    It’s always been the vague “defensible borders”. Some of them have bluntly dismissed the notion of a return to the 1949 armistice (i.e., pre-1967 war) borders. LBJ saying it risked war and Reagan saying it was crazy given how skinny Israel looks on the map.

    You know, because national sovereignty is really weak, no matter your military potential, when your territory gets thin on a map.

    I haven’t Google searched its news or blogs yet, but I anticipate Congressional outrage that Obama is a Muslim traitor trying to kill Israel so that he and Hamas can give Israel to Al Qa’ida to kill every Jewish Israeli.

    And more extreme charges by the right wing Arab-hating nut squad. Hopefully including lots of media space granted to Pam whatsherface.

  37. 37.

    Gravenstone

    @pragmatism: As a kid, I used to sleep so violently (tossing, turning, spinning, literally lifting myself from the matress and slamming back down according to witnesses) that I kept bending the bed frames (okay, being a lard ass contributed). My folks ended up solving the problem by getting 2″ angle iron welded onto the frame rails for the slats to sit in.

  40. 40.

    eastriver

    Sshhhhhhh!

    If you listen closely you can hear the voice of God whispering under the wind…

    Do you hear him? He’s whispering just the one word…

    //”diet”//

    …shhhhhhhhhh…

  42. 42.

    kdaug

    Hrm. Tunch is clearly a 25lb+ cat. Rosie and Lily look to be about 35-40lbs a pop. Cole, on the other hand, gauging by his beautiful feet, is easily in the 230lb+ range.

    “Whoooo made the bed crash? You did, you did. Whoooo made the bed crash?”, etc.

    Might be time to revisit the causality of this particular event.

  44. 44.

    Legalize

    I’ve got that beat:

    1 unopened bottle of vodka + cat = me coming downstairs this morning to a VERY large puddle on the kitchen floor. Evidently when Shit-Head McGee (my male cat) heaved the bottle off the counter, it landed just right, causing the bottom of the bottle to neatly sever from the rest of the bottle. No bazillion shattered pieces. Just a puddle that took up almost the entire floor.

  45. 45.

    Amir_Khalid

    @Citizen_X:
    I said yesterday that there was a movie in that press statement, and the comic strip proves it. I’d actually pay to see that.

  46. 46.

    CynDee

    Wow, this is a great thread — a dog wreck AND a cat wreck.

    Wish the one with John in it had a sound track. Actually the vodka one would probably be great with sound, too.

    It’s 4:21 pm, but I think I’ll go make a nice cup of coffee to have over my keyboard while I read the posts again. I don’t wanna do any more work today anyway.

    Am having a good time today, though, cleaning up a 9-year old KitchenAid washer we bought at the local used-appliance store yesterday. We’re replacing the new, useless “2011-energy-compliant” model we bought last month. It doesn’t clean the clothes, and it doesn’t save energy. If you have the following, go Used: responsibility for maintaining a household, children, elderly people, sick people, animals, greasy work clothes, kitchen towels, bedding larger than crib-size, six towels you want to wash together (and rinse), clothes you don’t want beaten to shreds within the month. See, it won’t give you hot water out of your own tap, won’t let you look inside during the cycle, won’t cover (wet) the clothes enough to rinse, (we have to carry more water in buckets in order to get really hot water and of course every time we want to rinse. Now THAT’S progress, isn’t it? (You can stand there and babysit the thing and stop it and just have to run the wash cycle over again to rinse.) Now THAT’S savings ! ! ! Of course if you have a LID LOCK, well, you have no choice but to go with the whole 77-minute cycle like my poor sister has. She’s had it 6 weeks, and her little socks are done for.

    This ain’t a rant; it’s facts.

  47. 47.

    trollhattan

    @Legalize:

    Cripes, good thing you did’t have a gas water heater in the general vicinity. Try blaming that outcome on the cat.

  48. 48.

    Tsulagi

    So off to the lumber yard it is.

    Well, since you’ve mentioned a few times you’re plus sized, and the last pic I saw of your cat looked like he had his own gravitational pull, at the lumber yard think you need to skip on past the 2x4s and 4×4 posts. 6×6 outta do it.

  49. 49.

    Anne Laurie

    Cannot believe nobody’s linked to this classic yet:

    James Thurber, “The Night the Bed Fell“:

    It makes a better recitation (unless, as some friends of mine have said, one has heard it five or six times) than it does a piece of writing, for it is almost necessary to throw furniture around, shake doors, and bark like a dog, to lend the proper atmosphere and verisimilitude to what is admittedly a somewhat incredible tale. Still, it did take place…

    Kids. These days.

  50. 50.

    AxelFoley

    So this morning, Tunch, Lily, and I were lounging in bed having a moment, and Rosie decided she needed to join us.

    This…sounds so wrong.

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