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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open thread – This sounds like one of my stories…

Open thread – This sounds like one of my stories…

by Sarah, Proud and Tall|  June 15, 20116:31 pm| 59 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Assholes

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Jesus, what a freak.

From Michelle Goldberg at the Beast, via Jezebel.

A few dozen people showed up at the town hall for the April 9 event, and Bachmann greeted them warmly. But when, during the question and answer session, the topic turned to same-sex marriage, Bachmann ended the meeting 20 minutes early and rushed to the bathroom. Hoping to speak to her, Arnold and another middle-aged woman, a former nun, followed her. As Bachmann washed her hands and Arnold looked on, the ex-nun tried to talk to her about theology. Suddenly, after less than a minute, Bachmann let out a shriek. “Help!” she screamed. “Help! I’m being held against my will!”

Arnold, who is just over 5 feet tall, was stunned, and hurried to open the door. Bachmann bolted out and fled, crying, to an SUV outside. Then she called the police, saying, according to the police report, that she was “absolutely terrified and has never been that terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her.” The Washington County attorney, however, declined to press charges, writing in a memo, “It seems clear from the statements given by both women that they simply wanted to discuss certain issues further with Ms. Bachmann.”

I can see Michelle coping well in the national spotlight of a primary campaign.

Is somebody making the popcorn?

ETA: I suspect that if we could get the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to show up to a few campaign events, we could break Michelle’s brain for good.

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Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    fasteddie9318

    June 15, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I don’t know about popcorn, but I’d kick in cash to pay for these two women to follow Bachmann around for the next 8 or 9 months until she drops out.

  2. 2.

    kindness

    June 15, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Oh I can see it now. Raving hoards of Code Pink people at all the rest of the Bachmann rallies.

    Message to self – buy more popcorn. Record Jon Stewart.

  3. 3.

    aimai

    June 15, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Surely if it had been one of your stories Ross Perot would have been waiting outside for her,with a helicopter, to help her get away. I believe something like that happened at his daughter’s wedding.

    aimai

  4. 4.

    Jebediah

    June 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    If this is real, she is even weirder than I thought. I hope she is in the race for the duration.

  5. 5.

    Cat Lady

    June 15, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I can see her doing that during the debate with Obama – running from the podium yelling “help help I’m being oppressed”. Bring it on crazy eyes!

  6. 6.

    cathyx

    June 15, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Is putting Michelle on the spot considered an attack?

  7. 7.

    Mnemosyne

    June 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Bachmann is a nutty homophobe, so she probably thought that the middle-aged ex-nun was some kind of militant lesbian getting ready to sexually assault her. Remember the whole “hiding in the bushes to spy on teh scary gay rally” episode?

  8. 8.

    S. cerevisiae

    June 15, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Bachmann Crazy Overdrive’s greatest hits

    ETA: Not quick enough I see.

  9. 9.

    Alex S.

    June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Wow, these are signs of a mental illness.

  10. 10.

    ppcli

    June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    In all fairness, Bachmann responded exactly as I do when someone starts talking about theology.

  11. 11.

    Mike Kay (Chief of Staff)

    June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    If Bachmann can’t stand up to a 5 foot nun, how’s she gonna stand up to 6’4″ terrorist!?

  12. 12.

    bemused

    June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Yes, she is freaky. Looking at her eyes gives me the creeps. Reminds me a lot of Katherine Harris.

  13. 13.

    Citizen Alan

    June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Honestly, I’ve never been able to get really angry at Michele Bachman the way I can at genuine monsters like Gingrich, Shelby, Ryan and the like. More than anything else, it saddens that she, like Glenn Beck, is obviously someone who is suffering from profound mental illness but who has no one in her life who loves her enough to get her the help she needs.

  14. 14.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 15, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    OK, so we have, on one hand, Michelle Bachmann, who is paranoid in ways that demand a new, more intensive version of paranoid, and on the other hand we have Anthony Weiner, who under his own name sends out images of his privates and chats it up with porn stars over the tubes, and can’t imagine anything going wrong.

  15. 15.

    Mike Kay (Chief of Staff)

    June 15, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: don’t compare anthony wiener to bachmann. Weiner is a hero.

  16. 16.

    kindness

    June 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @Mike Kay (Chief of Staff): Or a Black man at the next podium.

  17. 17.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @Mike Kay (Chief of Staff):

    Oh, I’m just noting that one is overly paranoid, and the other is tragically under paranoid.

  18. 18.

    BGinCHI

    June 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Nun fetish.

    But I don’t think she knows she’s doing it wrong.

  19. 19.

    Dekster

    June 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Sarah, you write, “I can see Michelle coping well in the national spotlight of a primary campaign.”

    Please look again at the very top of the story from the Beast that you are using, here.

    “In April 2005, Pamela Arnold wanted to talk to her state senator, Michele Bachmann, who was then running for Congress . . . ”

    The event or which you are making fun of Bachman occurred six years ago. It is still very worthy of ridicule, of course, but it has nothing to do with “the national spotlight of a primary campaign.”

  20. 20.

    Fred

    June 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    I hope Bachmann can at least get far enough so we can see her have an emotional breakdown or get caught doing some weird shit or freaking out on someone and going after them with a butter knife or something.

    I take one look in her eyes and all I see is a huge crazy scandal of some sort just waiting to happen.

  21. 21.

    Barb (formerly Gex)

    June 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    This level of obsession is not healthy. As a gay lady, it pains me to say this, but she’s probably a severe closet case. I don’t want her on my team, but who else is this obsessed with gay sex?

  22. 22.

    Nutella

    June 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    If you read the rest of the article Sarah quoted you’ll see that one of Bachmann’s stepsisters is gay so she knows from her own family that gay people can stand near her and talk to her without doing any harm to her and her NOT-GAYness.

    You do have to wonder about the 3:00AM phone call scenario. If she runs away sobbing from two people asking questions about theology she’s not exactly ready for running the country, is she?

  23. 23.

    Brachiator

    June 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    OT: Need to throw this in before I leave for the day,

    iPad users who are book lovers need to check out the free British Library 19th Century Literature app. Features full color scans of an incredibly wide range of books. I checked out two at near random, a 19th century tour of New York’s Chinatown that makes Gangs of New York look like a pre-school, and a fascinating history of African American soldiers in the period from the Revolutionary War to the War of 1812.

  24. 24.

    bemused

    June 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    @Citizen Alan:

    Having a “therapist” in the family, hubby Marcus, doesn’t seem to have been helpful.

  25. 25.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    @Barb (formerly Gex):

    I mean, who else is this obsessed with gay sex?

    Mr. Haggard! Mr. Ted Haggard! White courtesy phone!

  26. 26.

    Mike Kay (Chief of Staff)

    June 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: I’m just be facetious

  27. 27.

    BGinCHI

    June 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    @Brachiator: Is the Chinatown one by Herbert Asbury?

  28. 28.

    Nutella

    June 15, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    @bemused:

    Her husband the therapist apparently concentrates on curing homosexuality so he’s not wrapped too tight, either.

  29. 29.

    Barb (formerly Gex)

    June 15, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Seriously. Republicans consistently make me feel like a bad gay. I can’t dedicate every waking hour of my day thinking about gay sex. I do other things, have other interests. Their dedication puts me to shame.

  30. 30.

    Tonal Crow

    June 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    This incident illustrates Bachmann’s flair for propaganda. If the police had been less thorough (or had been nutcases like herself) she might have succeeded in personally destroying her opponents with a prosecution based on insinuations of sex crimes.

    She’s crazy. But also crazy like a fox — or Fox.

  31. 31.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    June 15, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Well, I though Teh Crazy was a show for the rubes. Wow.

    And she wants to be President and she can only tolerate being in the room with people who agree with her? Democracy, how does that work?

  32. 32.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    June 15, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Bachmann is Teh Kooky, but I’d probably do something to embarrass the hell out of anyone who proselytized me while I was just trying to answer Nature’s call, too. I have certainly done so on public transit when the godbotherers bothered me.

    I’ve worked several charity events with various Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Their general rule is that they use the restroom for which they’re dressed, and I suspect quite a few would be up for explaining their theology on the run, so to speak.

  33. 33.

    scav

    June 15, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Choruses of nuns. At least. Singing and dancing and with Neil Patrick Harris in the front if it all possible.

    How you you fix a nutcase like Michell-hell?
    How do you make her sob and make her cry?
    How do you find a word that means Michell-hell?
    A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!
    __
    Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
    Many a thing she ought to understand
    But how do you make her stay
    And listen to all you say
    How do you keep a freak in the bathroom? !

  34. 34.

    bemused

    June 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    @Nutella:

    Exactly. Of course, with faith in God and mucho prayer, all can be overcome. That’s what an acquaintance and her out of jail pedophile spouse believe.

  35. 35.

    bryanD

    June 15, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    If this event happened at all—it’s news to me and everyone here, I’m sure—then we need to include Fat Dyke Tried To Mount Bachmann’s Face (or other pertinent details) to make it make sense. Because otherwise it doesn’t. It seems instead a reassurance to the shakey partisans that Michelle Bachmann is not indeed super-woman! Hold the line! Stand fast! Pee in place!

  36. 36.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    June 15, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    @Brachiator:

    the free British Library 19th Century Literature app

    That’s just magnificent. Thanks.

  37. 37.

    Citizen Alan

    June 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    @Nutella:

    Wait, so we’ve got two unhinged closet cases each acting as the other’s beard?!? Well, I suppose it was very nice of God to get them together so that only two people are miserable instead of four. (quoting somebody witty whose name I don’t recall)

  38. 38.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    June 15, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    i thank our glamourous blog hostess with the mostess, or at least the moistest ho-ho’s this side of 7-11, for the link to sisters of perpetual indulgence i will surely check out their cloister.

    as to the ex-nun, maybe we have found our joe the plumber?

    the story for some reason reminds me of even cowgirls get the blues, perhaps michelle bachmann should be greeted rubber rose ranch style.

  39. 39.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    June 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    @BGinCHI:

    NILFS!

  40. 40.

    BGinCHI

    June 15, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    @Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: Took me a minute, but I see what you did there.

  41. 41.

    John Weiss

    June 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    “ETA: I suspect that if we could get the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to show up to a few campaign events, we could break Michelle’s brain for good.”

    One can’t break what’s already broken. Poor crazy lady needs some help.

  42. 42.

    JCT

    June 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Whatever you do, DON’T read any comments at the original article (linked from Yahoo) – you will lose all hope. Michelle’s supporters are as batshit crazy as she is. What a world.

  43. 43.

    Mnemosyne

    June 15, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    @Nutella:

    If you read the rest of the article Sarah quoted you’ll see that one of Bachmann’s stepsisters is gay so she knows from her own family that gay people can stand near her and talk to her without doing any harm to her and her NOT-GAYness.

    Sorry, facts not in evidence. There are plenty of people who are able to (barely) tolerate gay relatives who nonetheless are so homophobic that they panic at the approach of a middle-aged woman.

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    I think it was less “proselytizing” and more “have you actually read that book you keep claiming you follow?” Contrary to the scary reputation that nuns have, modern US nuns tend to be quite liberal, and a lot of ex-nuns ended up that way because they couldn’t stand the anti-woman, anti-gay stances of the RC church.

  44. 44.

    gbear

    June 15, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    @Enhanced Voting Techniques: Being President means never having to share a bathroom.

  45. 45.

    Linda Featheringill

    June 15, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Maybe Michele could be talked into getting a female “bodyguard” who is quite professional and proficient and can accompany Michele EVERYWHERE and run interference for her.

    I think that would be the professional thing to do.

    Will Michele do that or will she just freak out periodically? Don’t know. But campaigning is very stressful. Don’t know if she can take it.

  46. 46.

    Rihilism

    June 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    My Lovely Miss Tall –

    As huge fan of the SPI and a friend of a friend of a founding member of the order, I must say, God bless you for the shameless plug. The sisters do an enormous amount of good work and deserve loads of kudos.

    You have most certainly purchased prime real estate in the hereafter, along with comfy barcalounger (vibrating feature and two cup holders included!) conveniently located near the pearly gates from which you may hurl insults and rotten fruit at all the lowly newcomers for all eternity.

    Jesus loves you, SPT, and Buddha and Vishnu think you’re not too shabby.

    Hugs and smooches,
    Rihilism

  47. 47.

    Rihilism

    June 15, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Oh, btw, Michele Bachmann, WHAT A FREAK!

  48. 48.

    Matt

    June 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Well, now we know why conservatives think women are mentally deranged and will make up fake sexual assault charges to get an abortion – they hang out with Scary Eyes Bachmann and Caribou Barbie…

  49. 49.

    Felanius Kootea (formerly Salt and freshly ground black people)

    June 15, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Not surprised, given the craziness in her eyes. I’m just stunned that someone that obviously off is considered a viable candidate for the presidency and that she’s been elected/re-elected so many times. Scary.

  50. 50.

    The Swiss Army Knife of Visual Effects

    June 15, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Actually, I remember when this “Bachmann has hysterics in the bathroom” happened. There was a fair amount of publicity in the gay press at the time. Bachmann was already notorious in the community for the “hiding behind the bushes from the gays” incident. She truly is a freakin’ nut case.

  51. 51.

    amk

    June 15, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    And yet the msm has declared her ‘teh winner’. amuikkka is fucked up.

  52. 52.

    AxelFoley

    June 15, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Fuckin’ hilarious. Wish I coulda saw this scene play out.

  53. 53.

    AxelFoley

    June 15, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    @bemused:

    Having a “therapist” in the family, hubby Marcus, doesn’t seem to have been helpful.

    Isn’t it strange that the only thing that separates “therapist” from “the rapist” is a space?

    Just things that make you go, “Hmmm…”.

  54. 54.

    Admiral_Komack

    June 16, 2011 at 1:36 am

    “Bachmann let out a shriek. “Help!” she screamed. “Help! I’m being held against my will!”

    Yep, that just SCREAMS Presidential material.

    President Obama should hire those two women…and put them on the front row if he and Bachmann should debate.

  55. 55.

    Secret Alien

    June 16, 2011 at 5:03 am

    I know I know, We Hate Michelle (TM). But hasn’t she made her views on gay marriage abundantly clear? What’s the point of cornering her in the jacks? I guess the punchline here is her weirdo reaction, but the setup strikes me as just as weirdo. Let the lady have a slash, Sister, and catch up with her afterward.
    (just a view from outside the echo chamber)

  56. 56.

    Paul in KY

    June 16, 2011 at 11:06 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: Sums his internet usage up: ‘tragically under paranoid’. Good turn of phrase!

  57. 57.

    KeithOK

    June 16, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    @Nutella:
    Well that explains it.

    Evil Stepsister triggers Cinderella syndrome. When confronted with problem of people asking her questions, rather than addressing the problem herself by, say, answering those questions, she calls out for handsome prince/police officer to save her.

  58. 58.

    Howlin Wolfe

    June 16, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    You know, this happened quite a few years ago. It’s not the only crazy thing she did back then, either. It’s all well documented, no “if” about it.

  59. 59.

    asiangrrlMN

    June 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    @Barb (gex) at #29 since apparently I don’t have a reply button right now: Bad gay! Don’t you know teh gay sex is supposed to be on your mind 24/7? You’re letting down the side, hon!

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