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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / Man on Dog and Dog on Car are staying in, but Sunglasses on Dog is going home…

Man on Dog and Dog on Car are staying in, but Sunglasses on Dog is going home…

by | 141 Comments

This post is in: ,

Michele Bachmann yesterday:

As Iowans begin the process of caucusing tonight, I am confident that our message of consistent conservatism will resound across all of Iowa’s 99 counties. Iowans, this is our chance to take our country back. Let’s get started.

Michele Bachmann today suspending her campaign:

Last night, the people of Iowa spoke with a very clear voice, and so I have decided to stand aside. I have no regrets. None whatsoever. We never compromised our principles. … While a congresswoman by title, a politician I never have been, or will I ever hope to be.

There may be a hint of regret there, seeing as she also noted that:

I didn’t tell you what the polls said you wanted to hear.

Never mind, Michele – at least your little dog got some darling accessories out of the trip. Don’t let the door hit you on the crazy on your way out.

H/t to commenter JGabriel for the “Dog” meme, which will (I suspect) be entertaining us all (and Josh Marshall) for weeks, and to suzanne, who got there first with “Sunglasses on Dog”, damn her.

Reader Interactions

141Comments

  1. 1.

    JGabriel

    Sarah, Proud and Tall:

    I don’t know who used the “Man on Dog” v “Dog on Car” line first, but let me know and I will give due credit.

    That would be me. Sunglasses On Dog is mine too.

    Also That Dog Is Not The Federal Government’s Responsibility and Wants A Dog.

    .

  2. 2.

    gogol's wife

    I believe it was JGabriel in one of the threads last night (not absolutely sure though).

  4. 4.

    feebog

    Sorry to see Ol’ Crazy Eyes leaving. She was a hoot and a half, plus all the “Gay Radar” speculation about Marcus was entertaining. Here’s hoping that she gets her ass kicked in MN 6 as well.

  5. 5.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    Am I remembering things correctly? Did Bachmann say she would not run for Congress again regardless of the outcome of her now-failed run for president? Is it possible we can be rid of her so easily?

  6. 6.

    pragmatism

    since perry is back in, he needs a dog handle. doggerhead? there has to be something better.

  7. 7.

    Villago Delenda Est

    JGabriel, who has already piped up and rightly claimed credit for a very good meme.

    Dog on Car
    Man on Dog
    The Federal Government has no business with that Dog
    Sunglasses on Dog

    I don’t think he bothered with Noot.

  11. 11.

    Yutsano

    MN6 is scheduled to be re-districted out of existence. So unless they tailor-make a district for her she’s pretty much toast as a politician. She always has an Ailes chair waiting though.

  13. 13.

    JGabriel

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I don’t think he bothered with Noot.

    I did. Newt is Wants A Dog.

    Am I the only who remembers the ridiculous interview from last week or so, where he tried to humanize himself by talking about how much he wants a dog? Dude’s rich, he can fucking well afford a dog if he really wants one.

    .

  14. 14.

    g

    The numbers tell the story. she got around 6000 fools to vote for her, just a little more thant the number she paid (with concert tickets) to vote for her in the August straw poll. All that work for five months campaigning, for a net gain of 1200 votes.

    She’s damn right she’s not a politician.

  15. 15.

    Kremer

    @feebog:

    Here’s hoping that she gets her ass kicked in MN 6 as well.

    Nah, not much chance. Her district is mostly as nutty as she is.

    @Yutsano :

    MN6 is scheduled to be re-districted out of existence. So unless they tailor-make a district for her she’s pretty much toast as a politician. She always has an Ailes chair waiting though.

    Is that true? Here’s hoping…

  16. 16.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @JGabriel:

    Ah, yes.

    I vaguely remember what happened last week. It was so long ago. I also vaguely remember a time when Wants a Dog was the front runner, but that seems to have been when dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

  18. 18.

    JGabriel

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Really? Damn. And here I thought I was being funny.

    Actually, turns out it was suzanne who came up with Sunglasses On Dog. I’m guessing all three of us came up with it independently, but suzanne got there first.

    My cite for it is about 20 minutes later, where I called Bachmann Sexually Ambiguous Husband’s Sunglasses On Dog.

    .

  20. 20.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    I hope you’re correct, Yutsano (@ 11)! But as you said, she’ll be settling her keister into a seat on Fox News to continue sputtering her nonsense.

  24. 24.

    Calouste

    Perry would be Man Shoots Dog, would it? If you count a coyote as a dog that is, and if you believe Perry shoots straight enough to actually hit a coyote. Some reports from Texas suggest that Perry isn’t much of a straight shooter though.

  28. 28.

    Yutsano

    Minnesota is scheduled to lose one (or two, I forget which) and hers is already a crazy gerrymandered carve-up now. Getting a safe district will be rather complicated to do without resorting to the same cartographical distortions. Or without throwing her against another Republican.

  29. 29.

    Under the Aurora Freeway

    She wasn’t even the Ted Williams “there goes the … that ever lived” of vile and crazy, not even this year.

  33. 33.

    Churchlady320

    Yes – the comic relief factor was certainly fun! The rabid, slavering policy stuff? Not so much.

    Not to worry. She won’t go far. She’s as wedded to media coverage and crowd adulation and Sarah.

  34. 34.

    lamh35

    Conservative leaders James Dobson, Don Wildmon, and Gary Bauer are meeting again in Texas next weekend to build “consensus” and possibly rally around a presidential candidate who is not Mitt Romney, Politico reports. “You and your spouse are cordially invited to a private meeting with national conservative leaders of faith at the ranch of Paul and Nancy Pressler near Brenham, Texas, with the purpose of attempting to unite and to come to a consensus on which Republican Presidential candidate or candidates to support, or which not to support,” read an invitation that is making its way into inboxes this morning. With Michele Bachmann now out of the race, social conservatives will have a choice of Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Perry (who finished a distant fifth in Iowa, but has pledged to take his campaign into South Carolina). Iowa Evangelical leader Bob Vander Plaats — who endorsed Santorum before Christmas — has also urged some of the hopefuls to “reconsider” their candidacies to avoid splitting the social conservative vote. (HT: Right Wing Watch)

    SOCIAL CONSERVATIVES HUDDLE TO PREVENT ROMNEY VICTORY

  36. 36.

    The Dangerman

    Shouldn’t Newt be “Impeach the Big Dog”

    Edit: Perhaps “Dogging The Big Dog” is better

  37. 37.

    jl

    Sometimes I feel bad making fun of Bachmann, since I believe she is sincere, and think she can actually think and still has good intentions remaining from when she was in touch with reality, but she has gone insane.

    But Perry, he is totally a 100 percent legitimate no regrets target.

    Well, except that I think he is dumber than all the rest of them put together, including Cain and Palin, so there is the issue of making fun of a possibly seriously handicapped person.

    But stll, Perry is like Bush, except minus all of GW Bush’s good qualities. Yikes, think about that for a moment.

  39. 39.

    Under the Aurora Freeway

    @Southern Beale: Pretty fucked up, all around.

    Merits mentioning that this was a 15-year-old student, two years older than I initially feared. Not that it makes things much better.

  41. 41.

    Butch

    She’s a loon and a legislative back bencher with some seriously dangerous ideas, so why is it that some tiny corner of me is feeling bad for her right now?

  44. 44.

    Herbal Infusion Bagger

    Did Bachmann say she would not run for Congress again regardless of the outcome of her now-failed run for president? Is it possible we can be rid of her so easily?

    What others said, plus it’s likely she got a wingnut welfare or Faux news job offer last night.

    She’s more likeable than Palin, more articulate, more ideologically driven, crazier, and not an obvious grifter like Palin, so I’d think she’s gonna suck the oxygen out of Palin’s grifting.

    Or she’ll get HHS secretary under a Santorum presidency. Now there’s a scary thought.

  45. 45.

    Rita R.

    For my money, Michele’s comment about manly, macho, decidedly-not-gay Marcus shopping for doggy sunglasses was the line of the night. But there was some competition:

    A willfully-blind-to-karma Newt whining about the negative ads Romney’s superPAC ran against him by saying they dishonored the troops.

    Crazy Ron Paul croacking out, “When’s the last time you saw a poll about the gold standard?” and fantasizing about policymakers declaring, “We’re all Austrians now!”

    Santorum comparing Obama to Mussolini, which actually was a nice change from all the Hitler comparisons. However, I may have nightmares about his grandfather’s big dead hand digging out freedom.

    Romney’s entire speech, however, was forgettable, except for its reinforcing just how bad a politician he really is.

  46. 46.

    jibeaux

    And knock on wood, in November they’ll all be swept up in the inside-out newspaper baggie by Actually Has A Damn Dog.

  47. 47.

    Yutsano

    I miffed on MINUTE losing a seat. However they do have to re-do the map. And that doth not favour Crazy Eyes.

  50. 50.

    Nemesis

    Isnt Noot the “Divorcing the cancer-riddled, death bed, soon-to-be-ex-wife dog”? Am I doing it right?

  51. 51.

    Rita R.

    @Butch:

    Didn’t see her quitting announcement today yet, but I felt a little sorry for her too last night — and then she started talking. Once she started in with Obama wilting before challenges to the nation and amped up her crazy apocalyptic “Obamacare” bs, I just thought, “F*ck her.”

  53. 53.

    jl

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    No, I do not spare you.

    I did not say that I refrained from making fun of her, just that I felt kinda bad doing so sometimes.

    And I did not say anything about feeling bad about attacking her nonsense without adding in additional meanness, did I?

    Huh, did I?

    Anyway, she is out, and Perry is still in.

  54. 54.

    martha

    @JGabriel: I must say…THANK YOU! I’ve already shared this far and wide to much laughter and “where did you hear THAT from, that’s GREAT”. Now I know exactly who on BJ to credit…

  55. 55.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    @jl:

    Sorry. My response was harsh. I must not post after seven martinis.

    To be fair, I kind of agree with you but then, as another poster said above, she starts talking, and I realise that she’s a stark raving loon. Her sincerity scares me and almost makes me prefer the grifters. At least I know they wouldn’t burn me at the stake unless there was a decent profit in it.

  56. 56.

    JGabriel

    @jibeaux:

    And knock on wood, in November they’ll all be swept up in the inside-out newspaper baggie by Actually Has A Damn Dog.

    I didn’t really think of Obama having a dog name since it was a GOP meme, but since I’m not gonna top that one, Actually Has A Damn Dog is it.

    .

  57. 57.

    JPL

    Sarah, In case you missed this yesterday, this sounds like a feisty relative of yours..It’s about the original author of America The Beautiful and Mitt’s misuse of the song. link

  60. 60.

    Jewish Steel

    Hey, hey!
    Ho, Ho!
    Rick Perry has got to go!
    Don’t split vote twixt the Romney-nos!

    (sorry, I know that’s not a great chant. consider it a first draft)

  61. 61.

    WaterGirl

    @JGabriel: I would like to nominate you as MVP for last night.

    We also expect your contribution level to remain this high throughout the election season. :-)

  62. 62.

    Butch

    @Rita R.: I didn’t see either announcement in part because I can’t stand her shrill voice; I was just thinking about the feeling of admitting to yourself that a goal you wanted badly is lost.

  65. 65.

    Gex

    Late in the thread, but Newt can be the Old Dog That Can’t Learn New Tricks.

    ETA: I see that JGabriel covered Newt, but maybe this can be the first alternate.

  67. 67.

    JGabriel

    @chopper:

    what would huntsman be?

    We’re waiting for Huntsman to to do something actually dog-related to mock. Have faith, it will happen. Bachmann, after all, didn’t give us the sunglasses line until just last night.

    In the meantime, I suppose Huntsman could be Not Dog On Car, since the only thing that differentiates him from Romney appears to be that he lacks Romney’s WTF quality — and also that Huntsman’s daughters are a lot more appealing and funnier than Romney’s sons.

    Or maybe Beefheart’s Dog, except the problem there being that it actually sounds kind of cool.

    .

  68. 68.

    jl

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    I admit it is a fine line to walk. How do you deal with insane people (Bachmann) and morons (Perry) who are a danger to others but not themselves? But either they or their sponsors (and a dimbulb like Perry would sink into total oblivion if he did not have very powerful sponsors) are able to persuade others that they are not a danger, but an advantage?

    So, no hard feelings. The bright side is very bright along this line.

    We have Perry. We have Newt. We have Santorum. We have Mitt. All deserving targets with no reservations that can occur with the likes of Huntsman, Bachmann or Cain.

    So…. we can be as mean and vicious as we want, and do all we can to help them do all hey can to do as much damage as possible to the GOP.

  69. 69.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    One assumes that in the next few weeks or months Huntsman, Johnson, and Perry will all fade (regardless of any attempts they might make to rebrand themselves or even declare themselves Independents). I assume that in a head-to-head battle Gringrich would shred Santorum, leading finally to a Romney v. Gringrich battle for the nations of Middle Earth. I’ll put my minor wager on Romney eventually grabbing the nomination and — I hope — eventually losing to Obama.

    Now, might Obama take the environment and education more seriously in his second term? Count me among those who are disappointed on his efforts on those fronts thus far.

  71. 71.

    Jewish Steel

    So who is the Mormon representative at this summit of Romney-nots in Texas?

    hahahaha!

    I kid. I’m a kidder. You know me.

  72. 72.

    Svensker

    @JGabriel:

    We’re waiting for Huntsman to to do something actually dog-related to mock.

    No dog in the Huntsman?

    ETA: And not only does jeffreyw cook better than I do, he’s quicker, dang him.

  73. 73.

    chopper

    @JGabriel:

    Or maybe Beefheart’s Dog, except the problem there being that it actually sounds kind of cool.

    hence ‘dog chain puller’. sounds normal, but also a beefheart ref.

  77. 77.

    JPL

    @lamh35: Dobson thinks he knows how to train dogs. (from his book)

    When I told Sigmund to leave his warm seat and go to bed, he flattened his ears and slowly turned his head toward me. He deliberately braced himself by placing one paw on the edge of the furry lid, then hunched his shoulders, raised his lips to reveal the molars on both sides, and uttered his most threatening growl. That was Siggie’s way of saying. “Get lost!”………………………………
    “I had seen this defiant mood before, and knew there was only one way to deal with it. The ONLY way to make Siggie obey is to threaten him with destruction. Nothing else works. I turned and went to my closet and got a small belt to help me ‘reason’ with Mr. Freud.”

    Not sure how we talk about this one…

  81. 81.

    pseudonymous in nc

    @JGabriel:

    We’re waiting for Huntsman to to do something actually dog-related to mock. Have faith, it will happen.

    Given that he was ambassador in Beijing, can we find out whether he’s Dog On A Plate?

    ETA: And before you pile on, he’s made the joke himself:

    Huntsman is something of a renowned prankster, which helps take the edge off his good looks and high polish. “Asha, do you know they eat dogs like that in China? They put them in stew,” he says while pointing to his daughter’s pet spaniel, which shocks me but sends her into fits of laughter.

    So let’s assume he hasn’t knowingly partaken.

  83. 83.

    Cassidy

    @Butch: Growing up, we are all taught that we can be anything, even the President of the United States, if we just want it hard enough. Our inner child cries when we see this to not be true, even if we loathe the person who failed.

  93. 93.

    WaterGirl

    @JGabriel: Can we get a vote on that one?

    Cause I think “that dog won’t huntsman” conveys the exact problem huntsman has, while “dog stew” kind of picks on him for something he didn’t do (eat dogs) and for being our ambassador to china, which he did in service of our president.

  96. 96.

    chrome agnomen

    getting here late. “corn dog” is the name for perry. and hence “horn dog” for der gnoot.

  97. 97.

    Amir Khalid

    @ruemara:
    Something sticks in my mind about the name James Dobson. There was a supermarket chain here (yes, in Malaysia) that used to play on the PA, not music, but these 30-second spots recorded by “Dr James Dobson from Focus on the Family”. These spots were mostly full of rather old-fashioned parenting advice, delivered in a kindly tone, but on occasion there was also fogyish moralizing about young people nowadays.

    Is he that James Dobson?

  101. 101.

    JGabriel

    @chopper: You were, but it was just a little too obscure. Even I didn’t get it at first, and I’m one of the small percentage who not only knows who Beefheart is, but has listened to his music, played it on the radio (as a college DJ), and likes Beefheart.

    WaterGirl:

    Can we get a vote on that one?

    Apparently it’s a meme now, so really, it’s out of my hands. It’s gonna get voted on by people using whatever they think is funny in every day mocking, so a vote is implied on no matter what.

    … “dog stew” kind of picks on him for something he didn’t do (eat dogs) and for being our ambassador to china, which he did in service of our president.

    I don’t think so. Dog Stew picks on Huntsman for making a lame dog stew joke*, in the same way that Man On Dog picks on Santorum for making a comparison between bestiality and homosexuality, while suggesting that Huntsman’s a mix, or stew, of GOP positions without being his own man.

    But that’s just me defending my own joke. I expect whatever makes people laugh is what will win.

    (*A joke Huntsman might well have made even with out his ambassadorial experience, since his Mormon missionary experience was also in China.)

    .

  104. 104.

    jl

    I think ‘that dog don’t huntsman’ is perfect.

    For Perry, how about ‘Perrydoodle’?

    Edit: Because all the cocker and other miscellaneous dog doodles in the world, are smarter than Perry.

  108. 108.

    pragmatism

    from deadspin (Scocca)–the complete guide to which gop candidates are like which NFL QB’s:

    Mitt Romney is Joe Flacco.

    Rick Santorum is Alex Smith.

    Ron Paul is Andy Dalton.

    Rick Perry is Kevin Kolb.

    Newt Gingrich is Rex Grossman.

    Jon Huntsman is Ryan Fitzpatrick.

    Herman Cain is Mark Sanchez.

    Sarah Palin is Brett Favre

    from commenters: John McCain is Chad Pennington

  109. 109.

    suzanne

    Last night just had me in nonstop hysterics. Thanks, JGabriel. :)

    LMMFAO.
    Sunglasses On Dog was totally mine.
    I still can’t believe she said that.

  110. 110.

    pseudonymous in nc

    I’ll go with ‘That Dog Don’t Huntsman’ — if it were known that he’d dined on hound during his time in China, then a whole stew of names would be available, but lacking such evidence, we’ll go with the functional one — for as long as he sticks around, which is six days and counting.

  113. 113.

    Yevgraf

    Caribou Barbie shows us her Bircher thongstrap….

    http://www.newsmax.com/InsideCover/palin-paul-gop-voters/2012/01/04/id/423028

    Sarah Palin said she wasn’t surprised at Rick Santorum’s success in Iowa, and warned that the GOP should not take Ron Paul’s supporters lightly.
    …
    Her strongest comments came for Paul, however, saying “the GOP had better not marginalize Ron Paul and his supporters after this” because “a lot of Americans are war-weary and we are broke” and Paul has reached that constituency well. She warned that the GOP “better work with them.”
    …

  114. 114.

    01010101

    Romney’s sons

    Think of the bodacious Osmond medley at the inauguration. Tho’ maybe, just maybe Huntsman gets Veep, and some Beefheart! With the Huntsman fillies doin’ some mormonic-Mansonite go- go moves.

  115. 115.

    The Moar You Know

    Wholly OT: headline on Fox News just now:

    “Why Santorum Appeals to Women and Evangelicals”

    I’ve heard that, at least the evangelical part.

  116. 116.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Amir Khalid:

    That’s the guy. He’s a jeebofascist asshole, like about everyone else mentioned in that piece. FSM doesn’t love us enough to bombard that meeting with meatballs from outer space.

  121. 121.

    Chris

    @lamh35:

    James Dobson and all the rest did the same thing early on in the 2008 election cycle, when they all met at some hotel out west and discussed breaking from the GOP and running a third-party candidate, in the even that Giuliani won the party nomination.

    Made me sorry he didn’t.

  124. 124.

    pseudonymous in nc

    Scott Brown’s on board with the Cordray recess appointment; potentially having to face Warren (the original frontrunner for the CFPB job) is going to have him establishing a small ocean’s distance from the GOP Senate leadership.

    Willard is horrified, of course, because he’s a robber baron shitbucket.

  125. 125.

    JPL

    @Maude: Sen. Brown came out and semi-supported Obama’s appt of Cordray. He said he understood it. Warren has him scared.

  126. 126.

    jl

    @Maude: I think decision has been made by Obama to start running hard against Congress. Worked for Truman in 48, when he was in electoral trouble.

  127. 127.

    GregB

    I think Rabid Dog is appropriate for Newt.

    I should also be noted that the blog Joe My God refers to Marcus Bachmann as Ladybird.

  128. 128.

    JGabriel

    @pseudonymous in nc: @Splitting Image: @Redshift: , and Sundry Others:

    Well, I’m staying with Dog Stew, and all’s y’all can kiss my pasty white ass.

    Put it in context, people. Which of these two potential NH Primary descriptions is funnier?

    A) In a closer race than expectecd, Dog On Car just barely leads That Dog Is Not The Federal Government’s Responsibility, while, in third place, That Dog Don’t Hunt siphons away Dog On Car’s support.

    B) In a closer race than expectecd, Dog On Car just barely leads That Dog Is Not The Federal Government’s Responsibility, while, in third place, Dog Stew siphons away Dog On Car’s support.

    Dog Stew is just meaner and glutinous, it makes you think “Ew”, and it’s therefore funnier, in my humble opinion. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ with it.

    .

  129. 129.

    Anne Laurie

    @pragmatism:

    since perry is back in, he needs a dog handle. doggerhead? there has to be something better.

    Jogs with Dog.

    And for Gingrich, Tail-Chasing Dog, because “petticoat hound” as a term of opprobrium was antique even when Presley bought that song from Mama Thorton. Also too, one of the Swollen Amphibian’s myriad electoral problems is that he can’t stop himself from tripping over his own ego.

  130. 130.

    slightly-peeved

    Awesome work, JGabriel.

    my suggestions:
    Herman Cain: Dog on Leg
    Buddy Roemer: Lost Dog
    Barack Obama: Top Dog, or just Bo.

  132. 132.

    Lojasmo

    @Yutsano:

    Minnesota is not losing any seats. We were close, but barely cleared.

    Our maps are not yet drawn. Blessed governor Dayton vetoed some nasty gerrymander.

  134. 134.

    pseudonymous in nc

    @Lojasmo: But from what I was reading, the MN-6 is going to have to be radically changed, given the population shifts over the past decade. There’s no more gerry to mander in that stretch from the Wisconsin line through the exurbs to St Cloud.

  138. 138.

    Princess

    @JGabriel: And his actual dog’s name spells his initials. BO. I just realized that… (I can be dense) but kind of cool, I think.

  141. 141.

    AxelFoley

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    JGabriel, who has already piped up and rightly claimed credit for a very good meme.
    __
    Dog on Car
    Man on Dog
    The Federal Government has no business with that Dog
    Sunglasses on Dog
    __
    I don’t think he bothered with Noot.

    Haven’t read the rest of the thread yet, but please tell me no one already used “You’re the Man now, Dog!”

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