Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

T R E 4 5 O N

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Let’s finish the job.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

No one could have predicted…

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / This Will Make You Laugh

Reader Interactions

106Comments

  2. 2.

    Mike Goetz

    This also made me laugh (from Roger Simon of Politico on Romneys shit-show “victory lap” McCain event after Iowa):

    “After a few more questions, Romney says, “I am told we are out of time for questions.” But I wonder how he was told this. No staffer has come up to him or handed him a note.

    But Romney has decided it is time to end the event from heck and walks off the stage into the crowd, where he shakes hands and answers questions that are not miked or broadcast.

    And as I leave the gym, there is a whole bunch of eager young volunteers with eager young faces, who are politely handing out campaign literature to one and all.

    For Ron Paul.”

  3. 3.

    Yutsano

    That is high comedy right there. I hope someone organizes a car like that at every campaign stop Willard makes. With appropriate leaflets.

  6. 6.

    jl

    @Mike Goetz: Mitt Romney told Mitt Romney that he was out of time for questions, you impertinent peasant.

    Edit: which shows, BTW, that Mitt Romney is the master of Mitt Romney, he is his own man. And that this kind of odd robotic (or dissassociative, or just plain strange, take your pick) behavior is good news for Republicans.

  7. 7.

    geg6

    Just showed this to a co-worker who is what you might call a moderate Republican (and of course, explained the backstory). Mitt just lost a voter.

  8. 8.

    jl

    RE pic: but the windows look clean. You have to go all the way with this stuff. No half measures. We need the truth!

  9. 9.

    dogwood

    Running against Mitt Romney is gonna be fun. There’s absolutely nothing about the guy that isn’t weird. You had to be a little careful with McCain. Lots of people liked him. With Willard, not so much.

  10. 10.

    The Moar You Know

    Americans love their dogs. This could come back and bite Romney in the ass hard.

  12. 12.

    eric

    sorry if someone posted this elsewhere, but this is the quote of the new year

    http://www.concordmonitor.com/article/300270/eight-hundred-years-later-inspiration?CSAuthResp=1325796190%3Acgbanufrui96pv6gtp8mdvmos0%3ACSUserId%7CCSGroupId%3Aapproved%3A419E2CDE2B750F9787D5857DC67F00CC&CSUserId=94&CSGroupId=1

    House Bill 1580 is the product of such a brainstorming session this summer between three freshman House Republicans: Bob Kingsbury of Laconia, Tim Twombly of Nashua and Lucien Vita of Middleton. The eyebrow-raiser, set to be introduced when the Legislature reconvenes next month, requires legislation to find its origin in an English document crafted in 1215.

    Upon seeing the bill, New Hampshire Democratic Party spokesman Ray Buckley said he was “mostly speechless.” “I appreciate all the hard work the Republican legislators are putting into the effort to make them look like extremists,” he said. “Saves us the trouble.”

  13. 13.

    The Moar You Know

    “After a few more questions, Romney says, “I am told we are out of time for questions.” But I wonder how he was told this. No staffer has come up to him or handed him a note.

    @Mike Goetz: Robots have timers.

  14. 14.

    jl

    @dogwood:

    No, no, wait until the Mitt BBQs.

    Sure, serving microwaved surplus flash frozen dinners from some hotel chain Bain Capital took over years ago will not be quite the same as slow cooked beef brisket or pulled pork. But Mitt Romney will explain how it is better to Mitt Romney, who will relay it to the attendees via an officious staffer.

    More good news for Republicans.

  15. 15.

    gogol's wife

    I’ve been thinking, and it seems to me that Dan Savage couldn’t have pulled this off with any other name, like Smith or Hinkley. It’s the “-um” ending that makes it work. It sounds like “meconium.”

  16. 16.

    Martin

    @Mike Goetz: We need to make ‘Multiple Personality Mitt’ stick as a nickname. See, pro-nuke-Iran Mitt told anti-nuke-Iran Mitt that he was out of time. Makes a lot of sense.

  18. 18.

    Chyron HR

    @Mike Goetz:

    “After a few more questions, Romney says, “I am told we are out of time for questions.” But I wonder how he was told this.

    Telepathic transmission from Planet Moroni. DUH.

  21. 21.

    Martin

    Heh, and Newt going after Romney as a Massachusetts Moderate is probably going to do more damage to Scott Brown than to Mitt. This is awesome.

  22. 22.

    Cat Lady

    @dogwood:

    McCain had the entire MSM swinging on his tire while slobbering his knob and calling him Maverick. McCain had a nasty streak a mile wide and called his wife a c*** in front of media people, but then would sit down and talk with them for hours, presumably while tossing back a few, thereby buying their goodwill. The Mittbot2000 will never have that advantage because he has never been programmed to interact with the common carbon based life forms that surround him now. He has never served in the military, has never and will never drink, or sneak a smoke, or cheat on his wife, and on top of all that, he wears magic underwear. He’s got a very steep hill to climb to get any member of the press to help him “over the finish line” like the press did for McCain in New Hampshire, and without all the fluffing, he’s doomed.

  23. 23.

    Violet

    Best poster/photo of the campaign so far. Love it.

    @geg6: Wouldn’t surprise me if this lost him lots of voters. What he did was appalling.

    Love the “people who googled Santorum for the first time” link. Can’t believe people didn’t know about it.

  25. 25.

    pragmatism

    tagg romney says that the romneys are not letting their dog down from the roof until mars man barry soetoro proves that bo the dog wasn’t photoshopped in the hawaii pics.

  28. 28.

    gogol's wife

    I love the way Gail Collins works the Mitt dog story into every single one of her columns. She has one today that I’m looking forward to reading. She always finds a clever way of doing it.

  30. 30.

    jl

    @Cat Lady:

    I’m not so sure. Mitt Romney sits there with a strained rictus at the Q, and suddenly says

    “I am told we will have another near beer now.”

    Some might find that charming, in an eccentric way. Just substitute weird for droll, and you have Coolidgesque dry humor. GNFR!

  31. 31.

    Violet

    @Cat Lady:

    has never and will never drink, or sneak a smoke,

    Remember in the 2008 campaign when Obama ordered orange juice at a campaign stop and the wingnuts were claiming it meant he wasn’t a real Murkin because he didn’t order coffee? Mormons don’t drink caffeine. Guess that means Mitt’s not a Real Murkin.

  35. 35.

    JGabriel

    “After a few more questions, Romney says, “I am told we are out of time for questions.” … No staffer has come up to him or handed him a note.

    It was digitally transmitted and displayed on the interior of his cybernetic eye.

    .

  36. 36.

    handsmile

    @The Moar You Know: (#10)

    Americans love their dogs. This could come back and bite Romney in the ass hard.

    Not if the NYT’s Helene Cooper has anything to say about it. To wit:

    “Independent voters might view Mr. Romney’s decisions on the family pet as nothing other than pragmatism. [More room for crates of the LDS “Book of Mormon” to distribute during vacation, perhaps.] By highlighting canine travel accommodations by Mr. Romney, the Obama campaign runs the risk of unintentionally promoting the image of Mr. Romney as a moderate trip planner.”

  37. 37.

    jibeaux

    The Santorum thing is genius in part because it worked so well. I really wouldn’t have guessed you could compete in google-fu with a then-sitting US Senator, but he really made it work. Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy, either.

  38. 38.

    Napoleon

    @gogol’s wife:

    It’s the “-um” ending that makes it work.

    I read the funniest quote about his name today (I don’t recall where). Supposedly way back when Bob Kerry was said to have said “Santorum, that is latin for asshole”.

  39. 39.

    eric

    let me just say that people underestimate Obama as a campaigner because he seems less of a fighter now that he is president, but his folks are going to use social media to get these types of stories into the zeitgeist, all the while remaining above the fray. They are smart folks. SO, look for assorted Young Democrats hitting the Facebook-pipe hard to spread telling vignettes from Romney’s life and times.

  42. 42.

    Mnemosyne

    Another reason I doubt Huckabee will ever run (and may not even make a stab at VP) is that (IIRC) one of his sons was prosecuted for animal cruelty after killing a dog. (Won’t look it up right now because I’m eating lunch, but the Google should tell all to those who actually want to know.) At least Romney’s dog survived the trip.

  43. 43.

    Exurban Mom

    Totally true: my husband talked to someone at work who said, “if Santorum was my last name, I’d change it,” implying that he thought the Dan Savage-induced definition was of older origins than a few years ago. Yes, Dan Savage has introduced a meme so successfully that many people don’t know of its origins.

    I immediately asked: did you tell him the story? Husband said he didn’t want to get into the politics with this guy….

  44. 44.

    trollhattan

    @handsmile:

    Stretchy! Does Gumby have a column under the name Helene Cooper?

    Obama’s folks are wicked smaht enough to know not to bring up Dog on Roof themselves [accidentally typed “Dong on Roof” but realized it was “Dong at the Wheel”]. It’ll trail the campaign like an obedient…you know.

  45. 45.

    Tony J

    As a damn ferriner I look forward with something approaching 11th Dimensional appreciation to your MSM’s coverage of the 2012 Election.

    Forget what’s come before. The ‘Feelings – Not Facts’ memes applied to every Republican since Reagan will pale into insignificance when compared to the multi-jointed acrobatics they’re going to have to master in order to make anyone who emerges from this GOP Primary emotionally attractive to the electorate.

    They’ll try to do it, I’m sure. They dragged McCain’s withered carcass to the finish line in 2008, and he was the guy who wasn’t as electable as George W. Bush in 1999/2000. Now they’re faced with doing the same job for a Romney (who wasn’t as elctable as McCain in 2007/2008) or a Gingrich (who hasn’t been electable outside of his own mind since the late ’90s) or a Santorum (who isn’t electable anywhere but the fictional gated-community of Whitefort on the outskirts of Greater Godbotheria), or whoever, and they’ll put their shoulders and tongues to the task regardless of how far from the mainstream their coverage will have to stray.

    But damn, that’s a job I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Who trains for that?

  50. 50.

    BrooklynRaider

    @rlrr: Judging by the diagram, looks like a good way to decapitate your dog when you open the car door. Though I guess at least that’s quicker than Mitt’s method.

  51. 51.

    handsmile

    @Violet: (#23)

    Can’t believe people didn’t know about it. [Santorum]

    Last night during his appearance on Countdown (Olbermann/Current TV), Dan Savage related that people have written him wondering why Rick Santorum had not changed his last name, given its unsavory denotation, as he chose to pursue public office. “Much like Norwegians today who are named Quisling,” Savage added.

    Not everyone choses to live in the Information Age.

    ETA: I see that Exurban Mom (#43) has a personal anecdote of this same point.

  53. 53.

    Janet

    Seriously, is that Seamus story on video anywhere? A viral copy soon would be wonderful..remember the Sarah Palin wolf ads…….I would love to see how many “moderates” would be affected

  54. 54.

    RD

    @R-Jud:

    Wow. I learned something new today.

    The fact that wikipedia had so many photos of this miraculous substance was just a bonus.

  56. 56.

    Brian R.

    So the Republican presidential race is now between Romney, the man who made his dog shit; Santorum, the man-on-dog guy whose name means shit; Gingrich, the horndog shitheel of a man; and Paul, the doggedly batshit old man.

    And they say it’s going to be hard to unite the party? Dogshitman 2012!

  57. 57.

    R-Jud

    @RD: Oh, I’m so sorry. May you never find yourself having to clean it up at 3:30 am while heavily drugged and hooked to a surgical drain. It’s even less miraculous then.

  58. 58.

    slag

    @Mnemosyne: Yeah. His dog survived. But imagine strapping one of your pets to the top of your car.

    I just can’t fathom what goes through someone’s mind when he does something like that. It really is a whole different mindset. Not entirely divorced from the mindset of someone who commits more obvious acts of animal cruelty.

  59. 59.

    Luthe

    All these comments and no link to the most informative website aboutRick Santorum?

    I mean, those people who Googled Santorum had to go all the way down to the second or third hit to learn what he is! Where are your Google-bombing skillz, people?

  60. 60.

    Ken

    @jibeaux: God love ‘em, but Paultards are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of politics.

    No matter how many there seem to be, only 144,000 will ever make it to the voting booth?

  62. 62.

    Hill Dweller

    @slag:

    Yeah. His dog survived. But imagine strapping one of your pets to the top of your car.

    I just can’t fathom what goes through someone’s mind when he does something like that. It really is a whole different mindset. Not entirely divorced from the mindset of someone who commits more obvious acts of animal cruelty.

    That story, which will infuriate millions of voters if it becomes widely known, coupled with Romney firing a shitload of people to enhance his personal wealth, has the potential to be devastating for his campaign.

    Never underestimate the American voters capacity for voting based on likability. Strapping a dog to the top of a car for 800 miles will literally lose Romney a shitload of votes.

  63. 63.

    Ohio Mom

    Many years from now, the first line of Dan Savage’s obituary is sure to start with, “Dan Savage, the gay sex advice columnist who coined the term Santorum…”

  64. 64.

    Nutella

    “After a few more questions, Romney says, “I am told we are out of time for questions.” But I wonder how he was told this. No staffer has come up to him or handed him a note.

    C’mon, you know he’s like Steve Martin’s preacher in Leap of Faith who had an in-ear receiver so he could appear omniscient. Surely Romney’s got one of those. Or maybe he is a robot and it’s built into his head.

  65. 65.

    Hill Dweller

    Check out Savage’s most recent interview on Colbert’s show. He talks about a three-way, and makes Colbert squirm. It is hilarious.

  68. 68.

    wrb

    Yeah. His dog survived. But imagine strapping one of your pets to the top of your car.

    This is a great weapon and all, and I’m all for wielding it unfairly; but, really, I’ve never had a dog who wasn’t PISSED if he wasn’t allowed to ride in the back of the pick-up.

    And still pissed if I tied him short enough that he couldn’t put his front legs on top of the cab and GLORY in having his upper body.. on top of the car, ears flying in the wind, nose drinking the world.

    I read that Mitt protected the kennel so the dog wouldn’t feel the wind.

    Now that was cruel, the dog most likely thought.

  69. 69.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @rlrr:

    That makes perfect sense, actually.

    His religion, after all, is the Scientology of the 19th Century.

  70. 70.

    slag

    @wrb: Sure. When I was a kid I always wanted to ride in the back of a pickup too. But that’s a whole different thing from being strapped in a cage on top of a car for hundreds of miles. As evidenced by the dog’s reaction, it seems.

  71. 71.

    Hill Dweller

    How can you possibly use it unfairly? Just tell people Romney strapped a dog, in its carrier, for 800 miles.

    The fact that he tried to shield it from the wind was a tacit admission the dog wasn’t going to be comfortable, especially if the weather was poor.

  72. 72.

    dogwood

    @Cat Lady:

    He has never served in the military, has never and will never drink, or sneak a smoke, or cheat on his wife, and on top of all that, he wears magic underwear.

    Good post. But here’s what lots of people don’t get about Mitt Romney. The magic underwear isn’t an “on top of that” kind of thing. It’s the reason for all those other things. I’ve lived around Mormans most of my adult life. By and large they are very nice people. But Mitt isn’t an ordinary Morman. He’s a Bishop. You don’t become a Bishop because you have a spiritual calling. You become a Bishop if you are an affluent, married, successful businessman or professional. Bishops have an enormous amount of influence and control over the people in their Wards; they are never questioned because doing so could mean losing a Temple recommend or even excommunication. It’s not just non-Mormans who can’t enter an LDS Temple. Many Mormans can’t either because their Bishop won’t sign off on their paperwork. I know there are plenty of Bishops who don’t abuse their power, but many do. Mitt Romney reminds me of every sanctimonious Bishop I’ve ever known.

    I know I’ll draw a lot of criticism for this post from people seeing it as bigoted against Mormons, but it’s not intended that way. I just know that to understand Romney you have to understand Mormonism and the place it has in the lives of it’s leaders. In many ways it is the quintessential American faith, completely homegrown. When Romney prattles on about American exceptionalism it’s part pander, but it’s also part personal. As he sees it, he is exceptional because he belongs to this purely “American” faith community.

  74. 74.

    jl

    @dogwood: I don’t think calling out corrupt religious leaders is anti Mormon, since all religions have them. Any more than calling out corrupt leaders of any kind is anti humanity (since there are many corrupt leaders in every walk of life, religious, and otherwise).

  75. 75.

    jl

    @Corner Store Operator:

    Does Politifact have a judgment on whether Newt was BSing (ie, lying) when he said he had an informed understanding of climate science because he is an ‘amateur paleontologist’?

    Probably saying he was BSing is not true because there was not, literally, literal bullshit literally flying literally all around when he said it, and sticking on to stuff, interviewers face, and etc.

  76. 76.

    wrb

    @slag: @Hill Dweller:

    I’ll grant that there is something very weird about the need for separation implied by putting it on the roof. Nothing upsets a dog more than being excluded from the pack. (I found I could train predatory Malamutes to not run deer by exclusion, when nothing else worked. You run a deer you get tied by yourself for the night).

    When our dogs have ridden in the back or on top they always had the option of climbing into the cab.

    And if the dog didn’t get a walk-aroud every hundred miles or so: that is weird.

  77. 77.

    Chuck Butcher

    While I am not anti-anyreligion, myself and the local LDS had a set to once upon a time. After repeated warnings that their harrassment of my wife on behalf of a convicted and serving time incest perp failed to get past their arrogance I skidded a K5 to a stop a couple feet from the front doors and informed them (all the muckety mucks attracted by the cloud of tire smoke and snarling V8) that we had now reached their decision point – they could get the idea immediately or the K5 would continue on through the doors and get chained to the structural members and bring the place down.

    Wisely they chose discretion. No, that wasn’t a threat.

    The County DA, a devout Mormon, and I had a discussion about it later when I was surprised he hadn’t heard about it when we were discussing something entirely different. His response in his office was, “I don’t blame you a bit.” He has been Circuit Court Judge (OR State courts) for years and I’ve never had reason to regret our friendship or my support for him. Same church, two completely different results.

  79. 79.

    Chuck Butcher

    Moderation my ass.

    While I am not anti-anyreligion, myself and the local LDS had a set to once upon a time. After repeated warnings that their harrassment of my wife on behalf of a convicted and serving time in**cest perp failed to get past their arrogance I skidded a K5 to a stop a couple feet from the front doors and informed them (all the muckety mucks attracted by the cloud of tire smoke and snarling V8) that we had now reached their decision point – they could get the idea immediately or the K5 would continue on through the doors and get chained to the structural members and bring the place down.

    Wisely they chose discretion. No, that wasn’t a threat.

    The County DA, a devout Mormon, and I had a discussion about it later when I was surprised he hadn’t heard about it when we were discussing something entirely different. His response in his office was, “I don’t blame you a bit.” He has been Circuit Court Judge (OR State courts) for years and I’ve never had reason to regret our friendship or my support for him. Same church, two completely different results.

  80. 80.

    wrb

    @MikeJ:

    :-) It was like that but worse. Three hour sagas smashing through brush and falling into ravines trying to break it up, ending up flayed.

    Once at twilight the stag and I ended up together exhausted, he tried a couple of weak thrusts with his horns. I took hold of his horn, sat down and we watched the sunset together, cursing the dog.

  81. 81.

    Mnemosyne

    @dogwood:

    It’s not just non-Mormans who can’t enter an LDS Temple. Many Mormans can’t either because their Bishop won’t sign off on their paperwork.

    I read the late Deborah Laake’s Secret Ceremonies years ago and she talks about how, even though she had left the church a couple of decades before, she was still shocked that her close friend who was still a member was going to use a fake ID to get into the Temple for her brother’s wedding because, for her friend, attending her brother’s wedding was more important than a silly rule about temple recommends. (And as far as I know, it worked.)

  82. 82.

    Cat Lady

    @dogwood:

    The question is will the MSM question his position in his church? They’re by and large not Romney fluffers yet because he has no ability to cultivate them, and my guess is that his secretive church which doesn’t allow anyone to enter is going to be a bigger issue for him than Rev. Wright was for Obama. That’s what this evangelical godfather confab is going to be about this weekend – how to torpedo the cultist under his waterline using certain members of the MSM.

  84. 84.

    Arm The Homeless

    @Ken:@jibeaux: God love ‘em, but Paultards are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of politics … No matter how many there seem to be, only 144,000 will ever make it to the voting booth?

    Wrap it up folks, this wins it for the thread.

  85. 85.

    dogwood

    @Cat Lady:

    The question is will the MSM question his position in his church?

    I don’t think so, for a few reasons. First it’s a touchy subject, and I don’t think many media types are really couageous enough to ask the questions. I also don’t think many Americans are really interested in it either. Most Americans see Mormons as nice clean-living folk, which is true. But, if you live out West you know the political and social power of the LDS church. Corporate media ain’t gonna piss off the Prophet.

    I really don’t care that much if he get questioned on his role in the church. My point was that you can’t really understand him if you know very little about the church. I’d say the same about lots of people. If you don’t know a little about ethnic Irish Catholicism, you don’t really get Joe Biden.

  86. 86.

    Citizen_X

    I hate to top John’s earlier post about the Most Blatantly Racist GOP Statement of the Day, but I think this ad by NH Paultards beats even Newt’s BS. It’s about how Huntsman (! Why?) is enabling the Yellow Peril, cuz he speaks the ching-chong heathen Chinee, and he has non-white adopted daughters.

    Shocking, I know: racism among the Ron Paul fanbois.

  87. 87.

    dogwood

    Re-reading my post at 72, I see that it would be pretty easy to assume I don’t know jack-shit about that of which I speak. I really can spell “Mormon”. I’m actually not the worst speller in the world, but my typing skills have always been shitty. Sorry.

  88. 88.

    mellowjohn

    “After I googled Santorum, I now know why he goes by Rick.”

    now they need to google “Dan Savage” + “Rick”

  91. 91.

    Mnemosyne

    @dogwood:

    If you don’t know a little about ethnic Irish Catholicism, you don’t really get Joe Biden.

    I’m half-Italian and half-Irish, so when I refer to our vice president as “Crazy Uncle Joe,” I’m not entirely joking. He really does remind me of several of my uncles.

  100. 100.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    (I had to wait until I got home to look at the link)
    The best part is that since none of these people know the history, they think that the definition came first.

  101. 101.

    fmbjo

    A great blog headline from last week, “Man on dog, dog on car and sunglasses on dog”. The last about Bachmann’s husband’s shopping expedition.

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