Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Why did Dr. Oz lose? well, according to the exit polls, it’s because Fetterman won.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

The next time the wall wtreet journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Consistently wrong since 2002

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

You are here: Home / We Have Arrived

We Have Arrived

by | 131 Comments

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The continued world domination of the Balloon Juice empire shows no signs of slowing:

Up next, a trenchant comment from Punchy ends the drug war, Just Some Fuckhead’s deep debate with everyone encourages global unity, RedKitten’s repeated posts of Samkitten pictures leads to a global expansion of neonatal care, and a late night drunken post by me changes the national anthem from the Star Spangled Banner to Led Zeppelin’s “Your Time is Gonna Come.”

Just think. You were all here when it happened, and who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.

Reader Interactions

131Comments

  3. 3.

    Arclite

    Heh, I liked reading, “who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.” and right under that seeing “No Comments”

  5. 5.

    Badtux

    Don’t get a big head over the recognition, John.

    Oh WTF, you’re entitled to as big a head as you want. Congrats ;).

    – Badtux the Gracious Penguin

  6. 6.

    Joseph Nobles

    Dang, putting your comment between two asterisks bolds the line. WE DON’T KNOW OUR OWN POWER.

  7. 7.

    FlipYrWhig

    Doesn’t Kaus’s comment make more sense if he thinks you’re still a conservative, John?

  9. 9.

    suzanne

    So what major liberal agenda does Tunch effect?

    Can I just get higher pay for your local friendly design professional?

  12. 12.

    YellowJournalism

    Cue the political ads with the slogan: “How will a BJ change your world?”

  13. 13.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Mickey Kaus’ brother started blogging at HuffPo ’cause he wanted people to know that not all Kausses were chuckle headed jack-asses.

  16. 16.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    Rosie will solve all the world’s energy problems by finding her way onto a large-size hamster wheel.

  18. 18.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    Rosie will solve all the world’s energy problems by finding her way onto a large-size hamster wheel.

  19. 19.

    slag

    I’m dubious. Our comments still have yet to alter Kaus’s goat-blowing behavior. And Roberts seems like an even tougher row to hoe in that respect.

  20. 20.

    Jade Jordan

    Cole now that we have hit the big time I’m going to need a steady paycheck from BJ.

  23. 23.

    Yutsano

    @YellowJournalism:

    Cue the political ads with the slogan: “How will a BJ change your world?”

    I call this winning!

    @MikeJ: WANT!!

    (Are we getting server bombed? Site is barely loading for me.)

  24. 24.

    hrprogressive

    Ooh when do we start seeing Balloon Juice ‘headlines’ in political ads?

    That’ll make me all chuffed. Yes. Chuffed.

  26. 26.

    hrprogressive

    Ooh when do we start seeing Balloon Juice ‘headlines’ in political ads?

    That’ll make me all chuffed. Yes. Chuffed.

  30. 30.

    MariedeGournay

    Huh, I’ve been assuming a witch got a bit of Roberts hair and ‘influenced’ him. Didn’t know blog comment sorcery had gotten so developed.

  31. 31.

    The Dangerman

    Odd thing is …

    …as I recall it, any specific reference to Roberts’ was mostly in regards to him flipping, along with Kennedy, from the dark side.

    Now, Scalia, et al, they took some shit.

  33. 33.

    jl

    @slag:

    I was going to say that it’s sad when the BJ front posters troll the blog. But this?

    I was going to say that, but it sounds mean, so I won’t.

  35. 35.

    YellowJournalism

    The site crashed because it couldn’t handle it’s own greatness.

    That, or Tunch sat on John’s keyboard.

  37. 37.

    pragmatism

    His twitter twat was prolly a big hit at the daily caller headquarters couch fort.

  40. 40.

    BGinCHI

    When Cole is the best man at Yutsano and Anderson Cooper’s wedding, then we’ve made it.

  41. 41.

    burnspbesq

    Kaus’ take is as plausible as any other thinly-sourced explanation for Roberts’ supposed volte-face that we’ve seen so far.

    In other words, it’s all nothing but WAGs.

  42. 42.

    Corner Store Operator

    Can somebody explain why he said this? I assume my hero DougJ was somehow involved.

  43. 43.

    Citizen_X

    Now, we can truly say, all our most famous goat-blowing journalists recognize the power of Balloon Juice!

  44. 44.

    slag

    @jl: It is kind of scary to imagine the exact magnitude of dystopian nightmare a world influenced by BJ comments would unleash. I sincerely wonder if this post was intended as a commentariat insomnia inducer. Cole probably needs company.

  47. 47.

    AnotherBruce

    Apparently Mickey has found the one true happiness goat, this is pretty funny.

  48. 48.

    Linnaeus

    As soon as I saw that this was a tweet from Kaus, I immediately sought to make a comment with reference to oral sex and goats. But John, astute man that he is, made sure to refer to goat sex. And that made me spit out my cabernet. Well done.

  50. 50.

    BGinCHI

    @Yutsano: This will give me and DougJ a chance to play a gig with our new band, the Grassy Knoll Cowards.

    mistermix on the squeezebox.

    ABL on spicy lead vocals.

    And no, we can’t play “Candle in the Wind.”

  51. 51.

    fasteddie9318

    Um, OK, how to capitalize on this…

    I tell you this: unless John Roberts drives to Mickey Kaus’ house, stuffs Mickey in the trunk of his car, and then drives that car to an uninhabited region of Mexico where both he and Mickey have to forage for survival for the rest of their lives, then he’s a total piece of shit. Am I doing it right?

  52. 52.

    justdale

    @robertdsc-PowerBook:
    What’s funny is that in the early days of Rosie, I kept thinking John would be well served by adding something like this to his BBQ. Rosie gets exercise, John and Lily get perfectly done meat, and Tunch gets a can of tuna. Tunch always gets a can of tuna.

  60. 60.

    burnspbesq

    @Yutsano:

    The thing is, I’m mostly in agreement with him. Except for the few narrow exceptions already enshrined in the case law, once the media get their hands on shit, they should be able to publish it. “Congress shall make no law” means what it appears to mean. And the Espionage Act probably is unconstitutionally vague.

    The problem is that Greenwald doesn’t seem the least bit interested in the possibility that Assange committed a crime to get the stuff from Manning, whether that crime might be conspiracy or aiding and abetting a violation of 18 USC 641. And that’s where I part company with him. There should be an investigation. If it leads nowhere, fine. But simply being a self-proclaimed media actor isn’t a Get Out of Jail Free card.

  61. 61.

    jl

    @slag:

    I think Kaus’ commenter schtick is a ruse. He does not care about us.

    Cole has mentioned retiring up the holler with goats and generators often enough to trip some alert thingee.

    Cole’s move now, and it may be in the post itself. Coded.

    Let us wile away some time yelling at each other about what Cole really said in this post, and to whom.

  62. 62.

    JordanRules

    Magnificent. Damn near all the comments are so worthy. Bless you hologram Tupac.

  63. 63.

    PeakVT

    Would it be irresponsible to speculate what Kaus’ motive is? It would be irresponsible not to!

    Though, for the life of me, I can’t see how dropping a BJ reference would impress a goat.

  65. 65.

    trollhattan

    @chrismealy:

    Take the following for what it’s worth on goat boy’s mighty powers.

    Running in the primary against Boxer he got 123k votes.
    Orly Taitz running in the primary against Feinstein got 152k votes.

    Being completely batshit has its rewards.

  67. 67.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    s.o.s.

    its nice when people notice other people being right. whether its a matter of consequence or not.

    btw, the site is up to 74 million hits? didn’t it just pass 50 mill not too long ago?

  68. 68.

    amk

    yay, our own 15 minutes of 140 words of fame.

    who the fuck is this fucker anyway ?

  70. 70.

    AkaDad

    Balloon Juice: The only place on the internet where you can discuss politics and goat sex at the same time.

    And that’s why I love you guyz.

  71. 71.

    burnspbesq

    Oddly enough, the $500 billion number that Republicans are tossing around as the supposed magnitude of the tax increase under Obamacare is … a lie.

    According to Grover Norquist’s minions, the combined cost of the individual and employer mandates over the ten-year period beginning in 2014 is $65 billion.

    http://www.aei.org/files/2012/06/11/-tax-hikes-in-ppaca-and-the-associated-reconciliation-act_11241728078.pdf

    The total cost of every revenue-raiser in the bill, including the stuff that is only tangentially related to health care, is around $440 billion.

    https://www.jct.gov/publications.html?func=download&id=3672&chk=3672&no_html=1

  72. 72.

    piratedan

    almost makes me feel like some of the big league scouts still scour the minor leagues lookin for talent. After all, if a complete douchebag like Brooks or McArdle can be elevated to give their completely fabricated takes on America or the political process be it Pink Himalayan salt or Burkean bells, why not one of us? or more likely Kay, since we all agree that she’s insightful, hard working and damn near relevant with every post which is more than you can say most of the folks who get paid to offer an opinion.

  73. 73.

    David Koch

    I think Roberts switched his vote because he was getting beat up by the comments by David Koch at Balloon Juice.

    /fixed.

    Yes. I will take all the credit for saving ACA.

  74. 74.

    Kristine

    who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.

    I’m guessing someone may have already suggested it, but this begs to be added to the tagline collection.

  75. 75.

    suzanne

    I watched America’s Got Talent tonight (don’t judge), and Howard Stern discussed the Dog on Car incident. I’m idly wondering how many people heard about that story for the first time because of him tonight.

  78. 78.

    JWL

    Former Commander Kos has been relocated to a re-education camp.

    Long live Commander Cole.

  79. 79.

    ruemara

    This is what I miss when I actually spend my time at work…doing work. A chance to tweet back to Kaus that Roberts was only concerned with being referenced by a known goat-blower.

  80. 80.

    dance around in your bones

    I just feel sorry for those poor lost souls who don’t read or comment on Balloon Juice.

    ::::sniff::::

  81. 81.

    Triassic Sands

    That should be “Mickey Maus,” shouldn’t it?

    When my ancestors entered the US, there is reason to believe that the bureaucrat doing their paperwork either misread an “e” as an “i,” because of a “Buttle/Tuttle-like” smudge or accidentally dotted the “e,” which he also carelessly rendered closed, thus changing forever the spelling of our last name.

    I suspect the same must have somehow happened to Mickey Maus (the German spelling of Mouse). Maus fits him so much better.

  82. 82.

    LosGatosCA

    Once in a great while even a blind goat blowing squirrel finds the nut of truth, eh.

  83. 83.

    JGabriel, Statist Minded Ideologue of the Left

    Not bad. I didn’t think Kaus had any snark that good left in him.

    .

  84. 84.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Well since I’m here I’m going to accomplish nothing. If I wasn’t here, I’d probably accomplish something. Look at the bright side though! Since Kaus is too stupid to walk, chew bubble gum and keep breathing at the same time, you know that some goats were safe for a few minutes while he was distracted by John and the Gang.

    It’s a tough job here but we’re doing it for the goats.

    @JWL:

    Commander Cole and his Lost Planet Balloon Juicers.

  86. 86.

    David Koch

    But Roberts pays attention to media coverage.[…] [H}e also is sensitive to how the court is perceived by the public.

    I knew it! I knew it!

    I knew my unrelenting pressure would succeed!

  88. 88.

    TenguPhule

    Balloon Juice: The only place on the internet where you can discuss politics and goat sex at the same time.

    To be fair, with teabaggers, its one and the same. With a few sheep for variety.

  89. 89.

    Justice Clarence Thomas

    @USSC Chief Justice John Roberts:
    No, fuck you seizure man..If you had just been watching Hot Babes With Whips and Chains like the four of us were, instead of Balloon Juice, you would have voted in overturning this Democrat law. My Ginnie’s all upset. If you don’t apologize to her, well, she’ll never forget and you just never know when she’ll call you demanding the apology. She’s not the only one, Big Tony and Little Tony are just about ready to go all Mafia on you.

  90. 90.

    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn

    This is what I love about America — that any crank with access to the internets can start a FYWP blog and get his-/her-/itself tweeted about by some whosey-whatsy regarding a landmark SCOTUS decision.

    Brings a tear to me eye, verily it does.

  91. 91.

    danielx

    Fuck his goat. But only if you’re interested in a threesome with Mickey.

    Thanks loads. If only there was a way to drive an icepick into my mind’s eye. It’s going to take major Sauza Gold to remove that particular image.

  92. 92.

    arguingwithsignposts

    Well done. That’s what UNLIMITED TUNCH CASH will do for you. VICTORY!

  95. 95.

    Valdivia

    I am sad I went to sleep early for once and missed all the fun.

    also, I hope to be invited to Yutsano’s wedding and the performance of the BGinChi band. I love Freebird.

  96. 96.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    In honor of Balloon Juice’s new-found importance I’m classing up my screen name.

  97. 97.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    @suzanne:

    I watched America’s Got Talent tonight (don’t judge), and Howard Stern discussed the Dog on Car incident. I’m idly wondering how many people heard about that story for the first time because of him tonight.

    Gail Collins is batting a thousand mentioning Seamus in every column where she talks about Romney. I know what she’s up to and I approve.

  98. 98.

    brantl

    What could I say that would cause Mickey Kauss to get plastic surgery? Cause if that was my picture, I’d shave my dogs butt, draw a smiley face on it in magic marker, and use a picture of that, instead of the one he’s using now.

  100. 100.

    RedKitten

    Wow, ACA passed AND a global expansion of neonatal care? The power, it is heady!

  101. 101.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Lee:
    I take it you’re not familiar with all internet traditions? Kaus published some horrible article about Obama explaining that it was important to discuss a fringe, insulting rumor. After all, someone had brought it up, so it had to be addressed. The local response was that it was important to discuss a rumor that Mickey Klaus blows goats. After all, someone had brought it up, so it had to be addressed. It should be in the lexicon, but I can’t seem to find it.

    It must be fair to keep discussing this issue, since to this day Klaus has not publicly denied blowing goats, or produced any evidence that he hasn’t.

  106. 106.

    Ksmiami

    It’s tunch’s world- we just cat blog in it. Fear the tunch’s awesome powers

  107. 107.

    Ash Can

    Well, if a tweet by Mickey Kaus means we’ve arrived, I have to ask, arrived where? And is it anywhere we want to be?

    @burnspbesq: Oh, FFS. And you’re the one who always bitches about how everyone should ignore Megan McArdle. Were you shitfaced last night or something?

    @Justice Clarence Thomas: Wow, Clarence, you sure must be pissed. That’s more than you’ve said in the last 5 years.

  109. 109.

    different-church-lady

    @Arclite:

    Heh, I liked reading, “who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.” and right under that seeing “No Comments”

    And you had to go and ruin it.

  110. 110.

    different-church-lady

    @suzanne:

    I watched America’s Got Talent tonight (don’t judge)…

    I see what you did there. Even if you don’t.

  111. 111.

    different-church-lady

    @burnspbesq:

    FREE BIRD!

    I knew a band who used to get back at audience member who shouted “Freebird!” as a joke by… actually playing Freebird.

  112. 112.

    dance around in your bones

    ♫ ♬ I could rule the world, if I could only get the parts ♫ ♬

  118. 118.

    beergoggles

    I think we made a mistake in the past associating Kaus with ‘goat sex’. It should have been ‘goatse’.

  119. 119.

    dslak

    @Frankensteinbeck: It was about Kaus’s poor approach to evidence-gathering when rumors of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter were first percolating.

    According to Kaus, Edwards was responsible for people suspecting he had carried on an affair with Hunter because Edwards’s denials were both too vague and too specifice. In which case, it was completely reasonable to believe the rumors, despite denials by both parties involved, and a failure to turn up evidence on the part of any news organization other than The Enquirer.

    Since, this one time, The Enquirer happened to be right, Kaus probably thinks this vindicates his argument for treating rumors as irrefutable.

  120. 120.

    Violet

    Did you sic Rosie on Mickey Kaus to make him say that? Or maybe that’s why John Roberts changed his vote.

  122. 122.

    danimal

    I used to like this blog before it went all mainstream and sucked up to goat-blowers and the like.

    SELLOUTS!!!

  123. 123.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    WTF? No mention of my awesome prognostication abilities?

    There will be no peace in this world until this oversight is addressed!

  131. 131.

    mclaren

    SOON the world will KNOW what POWER WE POSSESS!!!!!!!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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