The continued world domination of the Balloon Juice empire shows no signs of slowing:
Up next, a trenchant comment from Punchy ends the drug war, Just Some Fuckhead’s deep debate with everyone encourages global unity, RedKitten’s repeated posts of Samkitten pictures leads to a global expansion of neonatal care, and a late night drunken post by me changes the national anthem from the Star Spangled Banner to Led Zeppelin’s “Your Time is Gonna Come.”
Just think. You were all here when it happened, and who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.
sherifffruitfly
I came here expecting more drunk-dial hilarity. This isn’t bad, though.
Joseph Nobles
*sidelong stinkeye at Scalia*
*shoving resignation papers his way*
Arclite
Heh, I liked reading, “who knows, your comment to this thread may change history.” and right under that seeing “No Comments”
The Dangerman
Shit, I bet no one here knew that Robert’s nickname was Tunch.
Badtux
Don’t get a big head over the recognition, John.
Oh WTF, you’re entitled to as big a head as you want. Congrats ;).
– Badtux the Gracious Penguin
Joseph Nobles
Dang, putting your comment between two asterisks bolds the line. WE DON’T KNOW OUR OWN POWER.
FlipYrWhig
Doesn’t Kaus’s comment make more sense if he thinks you’re still a conservative, John?
NotMax
We’ve arrived?
Can we get some ice cream now?
suzanne
So what major liberal agenda does Tunch effect?
Can I just get higher pay for your local friendly design professional?
Yutsano
@suzanne: Tunch can be lobbied, but it requires yellowfin.
Joshua Norton
Hmmmph. When did this place go all highbrow and shit?
YellowJournalism
Cue the political ads with the slogan: “How will a BJ change your world?”
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Mickey Kaus’ brother started blogging at HuffPo ’cause he wanted people to know that not all Kausses were chuckle headed jack-asses.
scav
@suzanne: Tunch provides the
GravityGravitas.MikeJ
@NotMax: I don’t have any ice cream, but I made a galette.
robertdsc-PowerBook
Rosie will solve all the world’s energy problems by finding her way onto a large-size hamster wheel.
Yutsano
@YellowJournalism:
I call this winning!
robertdsc-PowerBook
Rosie will solve all the world’s energy problems by finding her way onto a large-size hamster wheel.
slag
I’m dubious. Our comments still have yet to alter Kaus’s goat-blowing behavior. And Roberts seems like an even tougher row to hoe in that respect.
Jade Jordan
Cole now that we have hit the big time I’m going to need a steady paycheck from BJ.
Quarks
It’s all downhill from here.
jl
How did DougJ pull this one off?
Yutsano
@YellowJournalism:
I call this winning!
@MikeJ: WANT!!
(Are we getting server bombed? Site is barely loading for me.)
hrprogressive
Ooh when do we start seeing Balloon Juice ‘headlines’ in political ads?
That’ll make me all chuffed. Yes. Chuffed.
Quarks
It’s all downhill from here.
hrprogressive
Ooh when do we start seeing Balloon Juice ‘headlines’ in political ads?
That’ll make me all chuffed. Yes. Chuffed.
JBurke
Nice tag, Cole.
slag
FYWP. That is all.
Quarks
…and just as I type that, the site crashes on me. I blame the goat sex.
MariedeGournay
Huh, I’ve been assuming a witch got a bit of Roberts hair and ‘influenced’ him. Didn’t know blog comment sorcery had gotten so developed.
The Dangerman
Odd thing is …
…as I recall it, any specific reference to Roberts’ was mostly in regards to him flipping, along with Kennedy, from the dark side.
Now, Scalia, et al, they took some shit.
Yutsano
@MariedeGournay: Our powers are many and our number legion.
jl
@slag:
I was going to say that it’s sad when the BJ front posters troll the blog. But this?
I was going to say that, but it sounds mean, so I won’t.
BGinCHI
VICTORY!
UNLIMITED PET-RELATED CASH!
YellowJournalism
The site crashed because it couldn’t handle it’s own greatness.
That, or Tunch sat on John’s keyboard.
Steve in DC
@MariedeGournay:
If he didn’t join Bill Clinton’s cocaine trafficing thugs would kill him like they did Vince Foster :/
pragmatism
His twitter twat was prolly a big hit at the daily caller
headquarterscouch fort.FlyingToaster
@Joseph Nobles: Or a nightly tray of Italian specialties: Osso Bucco, Cotoletta alla palermitana, Saltimbocca, Bollito Misto, etc.
Heh.
Jebediah
since comments are wishes, here goes…
ETA: Didn’t work.
BGinCHI
When Cole is the best man at Yutsano and Anderson Cooper’s wedding, then we’ve made it.
burnspbesq
Kaus’ take is as plausible as any other thinly-sourced explanation for Roberts’ supposed volte-face that we’ve seen so far.
In other words, it’s all nothing but WAGs.
Corner Store Operator
Can somebody explain why he said this? I assume my hero DougJ was somehow involved.
Citizen_X
Now, we can truly say, all our most famous goat-blowing journalists recognize the power of Balloon Juice!
slag
@jl: It is kind of scary to imagine the exact magnitude of dystopian nightmare a world influenced by BJ comments would unleash. I sincerely wonder if this post was intended as a commentariat insomnia inducer. Cole probably needs company.
Yutsano
@BGinCHI: Lily can be ringbearer. Rosie can chase the birds off. And Tunch will of course coordinate.
burnspbesq
Some people just can’t leave well enough alone.
It occurred to me that while we have been sticking knitting needles in each other’s eyes over competing theories of judging, there have been no references to Greenwald. Being the foolishly curious person I am, I went and took a look.
That was a very bad idea.
http://www.salon.com/2012/07/02/dianne_feinstein_targets_press_freedom/
AnotherBruce
Apparently Mickey has found the one true happiness goat, this is pretty funny.
Linnaeus
As soon as I saw that this was a tweet from Kaus, I immediately sought to make a comment with reference to oral sex and goats. But John, astute man that he is, made sure to refer to goat sex. And that made me spit out my cabernet. Well done.
Yutsano
@burnspbesq: Oh Lawd. He still thinks Julian is just dreamy. I shudder to think his opinion of Paul Ryan.
@BGinCHI: Good. I have worse tortures for you.
BGinCHI
@Yutsano: This will give me and DougJ a chance to play a gig with our new band, the Grassy Knoll Cowards.
mistermix on the squeezebox.
ABL on spicy lead vocals.
And no, we can’t play “Candle in the Wind.”
fasteddie9318
Um, OK, how to capitalize on this…
I tell you this: unless John Roberts drives to Mickey Kaus’ house, stuffs Mickey in the trunk of his car, and then drives that car to an uninhabited region of Mexico where both he and Mickey have to forage for survival for the rest of their lives, then he’s a total piece of shit. Am I doing it right?
justdale
@robertdsc-PowerBook:
What’s funny is that in the early days of Rosie, I kept thinking John would be well served by adding something like this to his BBQ. Rosie gets exercise, John and Lily get perfectly done meat, and Tunch gets a can of tuna. Tunch always gets a can of tuna.
burnspbesq
@BGinCHI:
FREE BIRD!
KG
@slag: you say “dystopian nightmare” like it’s a bad thing…
chrismealy
Kaus! I totally forgot that guy existed! I thought he retired or something.
BGinCHI
@burnspbesq: Only as an encore.
AnotherBruce
@fasteddie9318: Naa, you left out the goat sex. Maybe he eats the goat at the end of the scene.
YellowJournalism
@burnspbesq: You beat me to it! Damn you!
Geoduck
@fasteddie9318: And take Scalia and Thomas with them.
burnspbesq
@Yutsano:
The thing is, I’m mostly in agreement with him. Except for the few narrow exceptions already enshrined in the case law, once the media get their hands on shit, they should be able to publish it. “Congress shall make no law” means what it appears to mean. And the Espionage Act probably is unconstitutionally vague.
The problem is that Greenwald doesn’t seem the least bit interested in the possibility that Assange committed a crime to get the stuff from Manning, whether that crime might be conspiracy or aiding and abetting a violation of 18 USC 641. And that’s where I part company with him. There should be an investigation. If it leads nowhere, fine. But simply being a self-proclaimed media actor isn’t a Get Out of Jail Free card.
jl
@slag:
I think Kaus’ commenter schtick is a ruse. He does not care about us.
Cole has mentioned retiring up the holler with goats and generators often enough to trip some alert thingee.
Cole’s move now, and it may be in the post itself. Coded.
Let us wile away some time yelling at each other about what Cole really said in this post, and to whom.
JordanRules
Magnificent. Damn near all the comments are so worthy. Bless you hologram Tupac.
PeakVT
Would it be irresponsible to speculate what Kaus’ motive is? It would be irresponsible not to!
Though, for the life of me, I can’t see how dropping a BJ reference would impress a goat.
USSC Chief Justice John Roberts
Fuck all of you!
trollhattan
@chrismealy:
Take the following for what it’s worth on goat boy’s mighty powers.
Running in the primary against Boxer he got 123k votes.
Orly Taitz running in the primary against Feinstein got 152k votes.
Being completely batshit has its rewards.
Jon
Fuck Mickey Kaus. Fuck his mom. Fuck his dog.
Marcellus Shale, Public Dick
s.o.s.
its nice when people notice other people being right. whether its a matter of consequence or not.
btw, the site is up to 74 million hits? didn’t it just pass 50 mill not too long ago?
amk
yay, our own
15 minutes of140 words of fame.who the fuck is this fucker anyway ?
PeakVT
@amk: Ex-Even-The-New-Republic “editor”.
AkaDad
Balloon Juice: The only place on the internet where you can discuss politics and goat sex at the same time.
And that’s why I love you guyz.
burnspbesq
Oddly enough, the $500 billion number that Republicans are tossing around as the supposed magnitude of the tax increase under Obamacare is … a lie.
According to Grover Norquist’s minions, the combined cost of the individual and employer mandates over the ten-year period beginning in 2014 is $65 billion.
http://www.aei.org/files/2012/06/11/-tax-hikes-in-ppaca-and-the-associated-reconciliation-act_11241728078.pdf
The total cost of every revenue-raiser in the bill, including the stuff that is only tangentially related to health care, is around $440 billion.
https://www.jct.gov/publications.html?func=download&id=3672&chk=3672&no_html=1
piratedan
almost makes me feel like some of the big league scouts still scour the minor leagues lookin for talent. After all, if a complete douchebag like Brooks or McArdle can be elevated to give their completely fabricated takes on America or the political process be it Pink Himalayan salt or Burkean bells, why not one of us? or more likely Kay, since we all agree that she’s insightful, hard working and damn near relevant with every post which is more than you can say most of the folks who get paid to offer an opinion.
David Koch
/fixed.
Yes. I will take all the credit for saving ACA.
Kristine
I’m guessing someone may have already suggested it, but this begs to be added to the tagline collection.
suzanne
I watched America’s Got Talent tonight (don’t judge), and Howard Stern discussed the Dog on Car incident. I’m idly wondering how many people heard about that story for the first time because of him tonight.
Roger Moore
@burnspbesq:
Good luck convincing a media figure like Greenwald of that.
Roger Moore
@Jon:
Fuck his goat. But only if you’re interested in a threesome with Mickey.
JWL
Former Commander Kos has been relocated to a re-education camp.
Long live Commander Cole.
ruemara
This is what I miss when I actually spend my time at work…doing work. A chance to tweet back to Kaus that Roberts was only concerned with being referenced by a known goat-blower.
dance around in your bones
I just feel sorry for those poor lost souls who don’t read or comment on Balloon Juice.
::::sniff::::
Triassic Sands
That should be “Mickey Maus,” shouldn’t it?
When my ancestors entered the US, there is reason to believe that the bureaucrat doing their paperwork either misread an “e” as an “i,” because of a “Buttle/Tuttle-like” smudge or accidentally dotted the “e,” which he also carelessly rendered closed, thus changing forever the spelling of our last name.
I suspect the same must have somehow happened to Mickey Maus (the German spelling of Mouse). Maus fits him so much better.
LosGatosCA
Once in a great while even a blind goat blowing squirrel finds the nut of truth, eh.
JGabriel, Statist Minded Ideologue of the Left
Not bad. I didn’t think Kaus had any snark that good left in him.
.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Well since I’m here I’m going to accomplish nothing. If I wasn’t here, I’d probably accomplish something. Look at the bright side though! Since Kaus is too stupid to walk, chew bubble gum and keep breathing at the same time, you know that some goats were safe for a few minutes while he was distracted by John and the Gang.
It’s a tough job here but we’re doing it for the goats.
@JWL:
Commander Cole and his Lost Planet Balloon Juicers.
Chris Grrr™
@Joshua Norton: Yeah, I liked BJ a lot better before it went mainstream.
David Koch
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew my unrelenting pressure would succeed!
TenguPhule
We are all DougJ.
TenguPhule
To be fair, with teabaggers, its one and the same. With a few sheep for variety.
Justice Clarence Thomas
@USSC Chief Justice John Roberts:
No, fuck you seizure man..If you had just been watching Hot Babes With Whips and Chains like the four of us were, instead of Balloon Juice, you would have voted in overturning this Democrat law. My Ginnie’s all upset. If you don’t apologize to her, well, she’ll never forget and you just never know when she’ll call you demanding the apology. She’s not the only one, Big Tony and Little Tony are just about ready to go all Mafia on you.
Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn
This is what I love about America — that any crank with access to the internets can start a FYWP blog and get his-/her-/itself tweeted about by some whosey-whatsy regarding a landmark SCOTUS decision.
Brings a tear to me eye, verily it does.
danielx
Thanks loads. If only there was a way to drive an icepick into my mind’s eye. It’s going to take major Sauza Gold to remove that particular image.
arguingwithsignposts
Well done. That’s what UNLIMITED TUNCH CASH will do for you. VICTORY!
Frankensteinbeck
Wow. I’ve never used the bully pulpit before. I’m heady with power!
arguingwithsignposts
@BGinCHI: have to stay up pretty late to get a punchline against BGinCHI. sigh.
Valdivia
I am sad I went to sleep early for once and missed all the fun.
also, I hope to be invited to Yutsano’s wedding and the performance of the BGinChi band. I love Freebird.
RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist
In honor of Balloon Juice’s new-found importance I’m classing up my screen name.
RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist
@suzanne:
Gail Collins is batting a thousand mentioning Seamus in every column where she talks about Romney. I know what she’s up to and I approve.
brantl
What could I say that would cause Mickey Kauss to get plastic surgery? Cause if that was my picture, I’d shave my dogs butt, draw a smiley face on it in magic marker, and use a picture of that, instead of the one he’s using now.
Lee
‘Goat Sex’ for the tag?
really?
RedKitten
Wow, ACA passed AND a global expansion of neonatal care? The power, it is heady!
Frankensteinbeck
@Lee:
I take it you’re not familiar with all internet traditions? Kaus published some horrible article about Obama explaining that it was important to discuss a fringe, insulting rumor. After all, someone had brought it up, so it had to be addressed. The local response was that it was important to discuss a rumor that Mickey Klaus blows goats. After all, someone had brought it up, so it had to be addressed. It should be in the lexicon, but I can’t seem to find it.
It must be fair to keep discussing this issue, since to this day Klaus has not publicly denied blowing goats, or produced any evidence that he hasn’t.
Omnes Omnibus
@Frankensteinbeck: It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
Mino
I sincerely hope I did my little part in making him fearful, that corporatist.
SRW1
Poor Mickey is feeling neglected?!
aretino
@burnspbesq: In other words, it’s all nothing but WAGs.
I don’t get it. Whose wife and whose girlfriend?
Ksmiami
It’s tunch’s world- we just cat blog in it. Fear the tunch’s awesome powers
Ash Can
Well, if a tweet by Mickey Kaus means we’ve arrived, I have to ask, arrived where? And is it anywhere we want to be?
@burnspbesq: Oh, FFS. And you’re the one who always bitches about how everyone should ignore Megan McArdle. Were you shitfaced last night or something?
@Justice Clarence Thomas: Wow, Clarence, you sure must be pissed. That’s more than you’ve said in the last 5 years.
different-church-lady
Ooh ooh! Can I solve world hunger? Can I? Can I?
different-church-lady
@Arclite:
And you had to go and ruin it.
different-church-lady
@suzanne:
I see what you did there. Even if you don’t.
different-church-lady
@burnspbesq:
I knew a band who used to get back at audience member who shouted “Freebird!” as a joke by… actually playing Freebird.
dance around in your bones
♫ ♬ I could rule the world, if I could only get the parts ♫ ♬
Villago Delenda Est
This is one epic thread!
Coco Laboy
@RedKitten: Red Kitten while you’re at it can you get rid of Harper too? Thanks
Punchy
/quickly googles “trenchant”…..
Lee
@Frankensteinbeck: Thanks,
I must have been on vacation that week.
I usually keep up with all of the internet traditions ;)
Mr Stagger Lee
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: I wish there was a Limbaugh who do the same thing.
beergoggles
I think we made a mistake in the past associating Kaus with ‘goat sex’. It should have been ‘goatse’.
dslak
@Frankensteinbeck: It was about Kaus’s poor approach to evidence-gathering when rumors of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter were first percolating.
According to Kaus, Edwards was responsible for people suspecting he had carried on an affair with Hunter because Edwards’s denials were both too vague and too specifice. In which case, it was completely reasonable to believe the rumors, despite denials by both parties involved, and a failure to turn up evidence on the part of any news organization other than The Enquirer.
Since, this one time, The Enquirer happened to be right, Kaus probably thinks this vindicates his argument for treating rumors as irrefutable.
Violet
Did you sic Rosie on Mickey Kaus to make him say that? Or maybe that’s why John Roberts changed his vote.
piratedan
@RedKitten: #100 THAT’S HEDLEY!
danimal
I used to like this blog before it went all mainstream and sucked up to goat-blowers and the like.
SELLOUTS!!!
Just Some Fuckhead
WTF? No mention of my awesome prognostication abilities?
There will be no peace in this world until this oversight is addressed!
BruceFromOhio
Love the tag for this post. World-changing, clocking in at ….
Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)
God damn, that might be the most awe-inspiringly stupid thing I’ve ever seen. And I lived through the George W. Bush administration.
srv
John Roberts was appointed about the same time Darrel disappeared.
Just saying.
pythagoras frog
lol goat sex!
Jebediah, The Cornstarch of the Comment Threads
@RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist:
Good idea. I think I’ll take a shot at that myself.
Tonal Crow
Double double GOP in trouble:
Liars burn in bullshit bubble!
Justice Anthony "Swingvote" Kennedy
@USSC Chief Justice John Roberts:
So you think you’re going to become the new swinger on the Court? No way I’m giving up all that attention and ass-kissing. Back off, “Chief,” or I promise you they won’t ever find your body.
mclaren
SOON the world will KNOW what POWER WE POSSESS!!!!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!