You really have to read this whole piece to believe it:
What do women want? The conventional biological wisdom is that men select mates for fertility, while women select for status — thus the commonness of younger women’s pairing with well-established older men but the rarity of the converse. The Demi Moore–Ashton Kutcher model is an exception — the only 40-year-old woman Jack Nicholson has ever seen naked is Kathy Bates in that horrific hot-tub scene. Age is cruel to women, and subordination is cruel to men. Ellen Kullman is a very pretty woman, but at 56 years of age she probably would not turn a lot of heads in a college bar, and the fact that she is the chairman and CEO of Dupont isn’t going to change that.
It’s a good thing Mitt Romney doesn’t hang out in college bars.
You want off-the-charts status? Check out the curriculum vitae of one Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away), apex alpha executive, CEO, chairman of the board, governor, bishop, boss of everything he’s ever touched. Son of the same, father of more. It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap. The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons — the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male. Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain.
Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.
From an evolutionary point of view, Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs
That’s just part of the first page.
I haven’t read anything like this since the epic Kim du Toit’s Pussification of the Western Male.
Nellie in NZ
Dick Cheney has two daughters as does George Bush.
different-church-lady
In the comments, the author of the piece says he doesn’t own a car. I was very sorely tempted to register just so I could reply, “Ah, so that’s why you can’t get laid.”
Mudge
I guess Mitt needs to rent an aircraft carrier and a flight suit.
Violet
When did wingnuts start believing in evolution?
different-church-lady
@Nellie in NZ:
Three, in fact.
NotMax
Reads like a fever dream of Romney moving in to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue along with the First Harem.
Surprised the writer didn’t short out a keyboard with dripping sweat.
different-church-lady
@Violet: Good catch.
SatanicPanic
I have a friend whose first child is a boy, but his second is a girl. I guess raising his son sissified him. OTOH, I have a friend whose first child was a girl, and his second was a boy. So I guess he manned up after raising his daughter. Or maybe this whole premise is just fucking stupid.
Corner Stone
Helen Mirren, you’re wanted on the white phone. Ms. Mirren please answer the white phone.
kindness
Talk about seeing stars and thrills going up a conservative’s leg….Man those conservatives are sexually repressed. Why can’t they just get the job done (get on with their sex lives) and leave us out of their twisted lives.
dan
Yes, if only Obama had any success in life …
The Moar You Know
Jesus, those are some industrial-grade kneepads the author is sporting. Bet he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
mathguy
Wow, what a douche. I love the comments section as usual: “No wonder libs are jealous!” I can’t think of too many people I’m less jealous of than Mittens. The tribal chieftain line is so appropriate, but not for the reasons the NRO knuckle draggers think.
The Bearded Blogger
Homoeroticism is to Conservatism like cheesy music is to Porno
pragmatism
posted this in another thread but Douchehat and Williamson are twitter twatting that this is some elaborate joke. the NRO commenters obvs aren’t in on it.
https://twitter.com/DouthatNYT/status/238337291607744512
different-church-lady
@The Moar You Know: I doubt the guy can get anywhere near a garden hose either.
rikyrah
Barack Obama came from a single parent household , to the South Side of Chicago to the PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES.
Barack Obama once lived up above a Harold’s Chicken Shack.
He now lives in THE WHITE HOUSE.
that’s American exceptionalism personified.
The man has SWAGGER.
As a woman, that SWAGGER means something.
Women prefer a man who actually made something of his life
than a mofo born on third and thinks he should be worshipped for crossing home plate.
jayjaybear
I just saw this posted over at the GOS, and I still am not certain we’re not running afoul of Poe’s Law. It’s possible this was meant as humor. Admittedly, right-wing humor is uniquely fail-prone, but that may have been the intention…
Rosalita
I saw the first few sentences and couldn’t go any further…
Corner Stone
Good sweet Christ. Now we’re saying he’s a lil bitch because he has two beautiful daughters?
And that somehow MO should fall in sway to Romney because he has sons?
My brain is rebooting. I’ll rejoin this broadcast shortly.
Carl Nyberg
I’m going to a pose a question.
Does it occur to people who offer these far-reaching social theories as “the way human nature is” to re-evaluate given the empirical data does not fit?
dmsilev
Can we round up all of the wingnuts and force them to take remedial 8th-grade sex ed? Because I think there may be a few minor misconceptions that many of them are laboring under.
Janus Daniels
National Review vs. The Onion: you decide.
Ann Rynd
Biology is destiny. And nothing you do, bitch, can change that little factoid.
bemused
“Age is cruel to women and subordination is cruel to men”. What the hell.
The comments were infuriating. So much elitism and entitlement oozing out there.
cathyx
If anything, Mitt makes me want to become a lesbian.
dmsilev
@Carl Nyberg:
No.
Anonymous
This, from the guy who argued that the GOP was really the party of civil rights. What on earth is happening at NRO? Did everyone down all the Kool-Aid?
Litlebritdifrnt
Reposting this from the previous thread, this info needs to go viral, in 31 states it is legal for a rapist to fight for custody and visitation of a child that results from the rape. I had no idea that this was the case.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/22/opinion/prewitt-rapist-visitation-rights/index.html?eref=rss_opinion&cid=sf_twitter
Loneoak
I think they just innovated a new sub-genre of bukake.
different-church-lady
@Anonymous:
I think they may have moved on to the electric form.
jibeaux
“Look, we’ve got to fight the MSM “wimp” meme! All we have ever had is winning on “guy you want to have a beer with.” Do something!”
“But he IS a wimp. WTF am I supposed to talk about? He’s in this family photo wearing all this cheesy preppy-ass coordinated checkered shit. Not a scrap of camo anywhere. Holy shit, this fucker is WHITE. My MOM has more street cred than this guy.”
“I don’t know…hey, I count more boys than girls in this picture….what could we do with that?”
“Fuck it, I’ll write it, just send the check, o.k.?”
Zifnab
Mitt Romney is rich, white, rich, old, white, rich, and white. What isn’t there to love about him?!
scav
Too bad the status of President of the United States and Commander in Chief is so low and worthless in their eyes.
AnotherBruce
but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male.
I’m sure abortion has nothing to do with that.
beltane
Life must be confusing for wingnut males. They know in their hearts that all women are whores and then they wonder why these whores will put out for everyone except them.
lonesomerobot
misogyny AND hippie punching, all in one easy to barf on article.
Quincy
I recognize how intense religious convictions combined with epistemic closure can produce Akins, and the desire to justify the selfish hoarding of one’s wealth combined with only interacting with other elites can produce Romneys, but there are members of wingnuttia with issues I can’t even begin to understand.
Brachiator
First of all, they get this wrong, but it is typical of conservatives to pretend that they understand science, and that science supports their deepest fantasie.
Second of all, don’t we learn from creationists that the theory of evolution just cain’t be true and stuff because it is only a theory? So, a mere hypothesis, shoot, thisn ain’t even a theory, so it must be false. And how come this here National Review fellow is talkin’ bout eevolution anyhow? It ain’t biblical. Somebody get a gun and stand some Christian ground.
These goofballs are coming completely unhinged.
jl
I read an interesting article. Female animals often cheat. What they do is get some high status lunk who is good at guarding stuff and warding off evil doers, then sneak out for some better genes. I don’t know how these tricky little helpless barefoot in the kitchin little wimmins animals detect better genes, it is high class Science and I forget the details. But I actually saw an review article about it.
Mr. and Mrs. Leonhard Euler were extraordinarily fertile and had a big family. Mr. Leanhard Euler wrote that he often got his best ideas shuffling around the house burping one his babies. Pathetic girlie man, he! And let’s not talk about the Bernoullis, who bred like mink.
If you are a man and you know those names, you are a girlie man. Why are you not out their grabbing, smashing and rutting?
Nice 50s cave man porn this guy pumped out. Pretty funny, if you ask me, if it’s a spoof.
lonesomerobot
@Zifnab: there’s a facebook meme going around that basically says ‘we have all these problems with the economy, education, yada yada yada, and all some people want to worry about is how rich somebody is’.
as in, completely missing the point.
Southern Beale
I believe blatantly offensive BS like this is what we in the biz call “click-bait.”
Corner Stone
Ok, I hate myself a little but I actually read the linked article. There is no way this side of Hell that was satire or comedic in nature.
Fuck anyone who says it was.
greenergood
My brother the hedge-fund manager would love this article … which is why Thanksgiving is such a fun holiday for me …
schrodinger's cat
We get it misogynist pig, over at NRO, women are lesser beings according to you. Sons are better than daughters, that’s why you oppose abortion even when the health of the mother is in jeopardy, because she may be carrying a son. And a male life is more valuable than a female life. These people make me sick. I don’t understand how any woman can vote Republican.
Gex
I will just kindly let this fellow know that THIS woman doesn’t give a shit about his need to slobber all over the knobs of the alpha males he admires. Doesn’t make me admire them one single bit. Quit projecting and own your own starbursts.
Southern Beale
And anyway, since when do you assholes in the GOP believe in evolution?
aimai
The funniest and most jaw dropping part of the “Mitt Romney has FIVE SONS” you wimpy losers is that, famously, at least one of them is gay and two of the other ones had to resort to surrrogates and IVF in order to reproduce with the women so eagerly clammering to get some of that upper class white guy sperm. Talk about regression to the mean.
aimai
pragmatism
@Southern Beale: they believe that lady parts evolved to stop illegitimate/forcible rape. selective evolution controlled by the almighty.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
Gee, has this little dear who wrote this forgot that Big Dog Clinton was considered so hot he gave the White House furniture the big O just by sitting on it because he would actually listen to the ladies? That Alpha male thing is quite a bit more that having a huge member.
File this article under “fevered dreams of teenage boys on what it’s like to be a man.”
And the duff bag doesn’t even get it’s normal among us chimps for the females to have the harems.
NorthLeft12
What? No mention of the Mittster’s fabulous hairdo? I am sure that is further proof of his genetic superiority.
I guess I can afford to laugh about this because I am a Canadian. But lord in heaven, please promise me you won’t elect this boob. At least more than once.
lonesomerobot
It’s ironic that some guy got paid to have this published, yet I can’t get a single publication to print my story on how Ann Romney has sex with horses.
beltane
@schrodinger’s cat: Women who vote Republican are either so beaten down by their husbands that they no longer care about anything but obeying orders, or they suffer from overly high self-esteem and believe they are the lone pearls in the stinking oyster that is womanhood.
Heliopause
I prefer it when they’re honest.
dmsilev
@aimai: Don’t the surrogates and IVF just prove that the failure to reproduce is the fault of the women rather than the Romney ubermenschen?
That’s how the wingnuts would argue, anyway.
Dave
There’s obviously no point in answering that article, even to mock it. These fucking people enjoy nothing except slinging horseshit they obviously don’t even believe.
Bobby Thomson
Not getting off the boat, but I assume the woman who wrote this just assumes other women share her crushes. Anecdotally, and based on polls, she’s very wrong.
Gex
@cathyx: This. There is literally NOTHING I can do as lesbian to promote the “gay lifestyle” that isn’t surpassed by the Republican party platform.
Aet
This article is epic. Were they hacked? There’s no way this is serious.
SpotWeld
This suggests a lack of undetstanding of “coventional biology” the concept of “mate selection” the idea of “status”… and I think a general understanding of the concept of “wisdom”
schrodinger's cat
@Bobby Thomson: It is not written by a woman, unless Kevin is a woman’s name.
djork
Wow, he typed all of that with one hand!
lonesomerobot
@Dave: I agree. I read even the excerpt printed here as something with no real purpose other than to puff up the conservative ego at a time when they are otherwise so fucked as to not even be able to face it.
scav
@dmsilev: Well, that or the Romney ubermenschen are making their wimminz tubes all spastic.
Comrade Dread
That sound you hear is me testing the structural integrity of my desk with my head while weeping for what humanity has become.
AnotherBruce
These fucking people enjoy nothing except slinging horseshit they obviously don’t even believe.
I think you’re underestimating how delusional they are, there are a multitude of upper class twits who buy the wingnutty worldview.
joes527
I’m going with Poe’s law on this one.
OTOH, the medium being the message … if this is spoof, WTF is it doing on NRO? Are they looking to become the next Onion? Have they been working at this for some time?
It would explain a lot.
The Raven
I love the way Williamson assumes that his idea of status is the one that all women hold.
It’s a guy thing.
btom89
You know this article brought up an interesting fact. Three of Mitt Romney’s sons had children via IVF process. The fact he seems to have more grandsons than granddaughters make me wonder if they didn’t select on basis of gender beforehand?
Did they intentionally opt for males first? Is that why they did it that way as opposed to the natural process?
I’m really baffled by the fact THREE out of five sons did In-Vitro Fertilization for conceiving children. Are they infertile on the males’ side, or were they controlling for certain conditions? What? Feel free to blow me off, I’m just riffing off the fact the author mentioned the prevalence of grandsons and I remembered the IVF and I got a bit paranoid.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
@Aet:
The replies seems to be treating it like snark. And it is really, really hard to see anyone having a man crush on Mittens.
sagesource
@cathyx: He makes ME want to become a lesbian too, and I’m not even a woman.
jl
I do hope Williamson is a Romney adviser:
” Americans will sit on their couches and watch billionaire Donald Trump fire people on television ”
And I hope Romney follows his advice to play up tribalism in the campaign.
But Williamson is correct, think of the greatest US presidents who came from wealthy families, all in the mold of Williamson’s fever wish fulfillment fantasy.
George Washington (freed his slaves and set up training fund for them)
Teddy Roosevelt
FDR
Yes, that is a real “smash and grab, I got mine F you” bunch ain’t it? Williamson really understands the US, don’t he?
Culture of Truth
Is this what they call waxing the bishop?
joes527
@SpotWeld:
You left out: A lack of understanding of the words “The”, “is”, and “for.”
Corner Stone
@joes527:
Trust me, this guy is incapable of spoof or satire.
Brachiator
@AnotherBruce:
Or contraception.
And let’s see. Rupert Murdoch has six children, four girls and two boys.
And let’s look at a bit of history. Britain’s King Williiam IV had two daughters. With his wife.
He had 10 children with his mistress Dorothea Jordan, an equal mix of boys and girls.
This NRO thing has got to be some kind of elaborate ex frat boy joke. Could they really be this stupid?
Bobby Thomson
By the way, is it reckless to speculate that the Romneys committed infanticide of all female issue?
ChrisNYC
I love it when they show their knowledge of all that crazy pick up artist stuff. So so so pitiful. I can’t read the whole thing because it will make me too embarrassed for this guy, the writer.
RareSanity
Riddle me this Batman…
If “status” is the most important trait for a woman to see in a man, and “subordination is cruel to men”, why should a woman, married to the most powerful man in the world…find herself swooning over a man that is, by definition, subordinate to that man because he is NOT the most powerful man in the world?
Not that I agree with the premise, I’m just trying to follow the logic (heh) put forth by the writer.
jl
Is National Lampoon still around? Maybe they hacked NRO.
NLO, NRO? That would be cool.
Commenting at Balloon Juice Since 1937
I didn’t know there were that many Mormons in NH.
cathyx
@sagesource: Well then, that should work out nicely for you.
Culture of Truth
This piece is one of those chortling joke/not a joke teenage boys and winguts find hilarious
Omnes Omnibus
@lonesomerobot: Too Russian?
pragmatism
@ChrisNYC: i was just thinking the same thing about pick up artists. this is some neuro linguistic programming that Tony Robbins would be proud of.
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (formerly IrishGirl)
@rikyrah: A-MOTHEREFFING-MEN!!!
beltane
@btom89: Either the Romney boys are attracted to infertile women or there is some weird eugenics thing going on. Of course, there is also the possibility that baby-making is beneath them, being that it is something proles and animals do all the time without any high-tech assistance.
Bobby Thomson
@schrodinger’s cat: Nonsense. There’s no way a heman conservative would publish something publicly that so openly revealed a desire to have sex with Mitt Romney. And I have met at least one female Kevyn.
RareSanity
@schrodinger’s cat:
“I’ve heard it both ways.”
_
— Shawn Spencer, Psych Detective Agency
Culture of Truth
HOMO SAP PAC
lonesomerobot
@Omnes Omnibus: or Rafalcan, perhaps
jl
Of course, soon, when it comes in handy at NRO, and they need a racist wedgie to juice the Mitt campaign, they will revert to the very obvious truth that it is the inferior impoverished races that are overly fertile and outbreeding the refined Anglo Saxons, who are distracted from rutting by having to engage in ruthless smash and grab and busting out the joint good governance burdens of leadership.
David Hunt
@AnotherBruce:
Beat me to it.
Sidenote: Just how big is that billionaire list anyway? If there are few enough of them, the deviation could be insignificant. There’s also the idea that they might be more likely to recognize bastards if they’re male and ignore the icky baby girls…
Oh God, how did I let myself get drawn into this? The whole idea that being powerful makes you father more male children is so bad that it’s not even wrong.
beltane
@Brachiator: Henry VIII would have this guy’s head struck from his neck for this article.
Brachiator
@btom89:
So, without an assist, these guys would be shooting blanks. Blows any foolish notions of superior fitness right out of the water.
Interesting that the Romney sons had children using a fertility procedure that the Catholic Church and some extreme Christians would prohibit. And of course, IVF costs money and is not covered by many insurance plans.
So, what do we learn from this little wade in the shallow ends of the gene pool? That having a crapton of money can get you access to reproductive technology to offset your inadequacies.
Oh, the humanity.
This shit gets funnier and funnier as the lackeys to the one percent try to demonstrate all the natural benefits that fall upon the brows, and into the not so fecund laps, of the amassers of wealth.
Bill in Section 147
@rikyrah: I think you meant born on third who appears to be leading off with the intent of going home but also too may just be going back to tag up…but could be moving on contact but seems unsure if the pitcher might have a good pick-off move.
dance around in your bones
Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh, I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane!
I can’t control my fingers, I can’t control my brain – I am a
womanmight be a les-bee-aan…Fer fuck’s sake. Who are these Neanderthals?
(Not to diminish Neanderthals in any way)
FlipYrWhig
@Culture of Truth:
Yup. It’s pretty much an expansion of the quintessential conservative asshole joke, “Hey, fag, you’re a fag. Haha, just joking.”
robertdsc-iPhone 4
We could always ask Osama bin Laden how much of a pussy Barack Obama is.
Felinious Wench
@Culture of Truth:
FTW
It’s not over the top enough to clearly be labeled a spoof, because there is nothing that can be too over the top in Wingnut World. After being told that my lady parts have some kind of super rape force field radiance, there’s not much I won’t believe right now. Spoof would have to be “Studies show women have frikin lasers in their vaginas to prevent rape.” I MIGHT believe that’s a spoof.
gnomedad
@jayjaybear:
“Hahaha, liberals think we’re moronic misogynists!”
Well, yeah.
FlipYrWhig
@David Hunt: I think the biological underpinnings of this piece come from _Reproduction for Dummies_ by Todd Akin.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
@beltane:
Or rich Mormons are having issues with chlamydia, cause you know good people don’t get those nasty STDs.
Southern Beale
@aimai:
I did not know this.
Which is the gay one?
scav
Pretty sure that at least some forms of IVF have a bias toward male offspring. Certainly the joke in the lesbian family crowd locally was that if it was a little boy, it was IVF and if it was a little girl, it was Chinese and adopted. But there do seem to be some papers too.
Culture of Truth
He flies around in Air Force One! He has access to nuclear weapons! He orders covert missions to kill terrorists! Navies and armies move on his very word!
Mitt Romney commands a family of inbred wimp-men!
cckids
@AnotherBruce: yes, also IVF, sex selection of embryos, etc.
Southern Beale
Rick Warren cancelled the Saddleback Church’s presidential forum. Tells you everything you need to know about the Fundiegelical support for the liberal Mormon…
I haz sadz.
Culture of Truth
All of the men in my family have been male.
Bill in Section 147
I didn’t think you could get an article out of legitimate writing.
Maybe I should come to Kevin’s defense on twitter?
NancyDarling
@different-church-lady: I have seen this guy in a conversation with Mark Schmitt and there are more reasons than car-less-ness that he can’t get laid. He is so full of himself that there is no room in his life for anyone or anything else. Schmitt suffered the fool with endless patience.
And this piece was NOT an attempt at conservative humor (which doesn’t really exist). The guy was dead serious.
quannlace
From an evolutionary point of view, Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote.
Nellcote
Do you have to fight back some criticism, like ‘My husband isn’t stiff, OK?’”
Ann Romney: “Well, you know, I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out because he is not!”
Raven Onthehill
@dance around in your bones: “Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated /
Nothin’ to do, no where to go, oh, I wanna be sedated”
Could we get this election over with before we all go insane?
danah gaz (fka gaz)
@different-church-lady: I tried. My comment ended up in the bit-bucket, because the author is totally a manly man, and is not at all stung by some comment from some anonymous Internet bimbo like yours truly. Totally.
The Moar You Know
@Litlebritdifrnt: That’s close to the most fucked up thing I’ve EVER heard of, and I thought I’d heard most of them. Jesus, this country sucks.
Redacted
@Nellie in NZ: And Reagan had three daughters and two sons – one of which was a ballet dancer. The folks at national review really can’t think past two-minutes ago, can they?
quannlace
It’s so weird, the Right can’t defend their candidates on past policy, heck, even competence or coherence. So this fall-back to their supposed sexiness and charisma.
All this bizzare fixation on their, I guess, their potent bodily fluids. Hey, it’s a trend. Obsession with women’s lady parts that can secrete special substances to negate pregnancy. And now, ruminating on Romney’s superior man-juices.
dance around in your bones
@Nellcote:
Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
Oh wait…………..when you unzip him he isn’t stiff!
Beauzeaux
@rikyrah: Oh, you bet.
President Obama has some serious sex appeal going for him. He and the first lady have been married twenty years and he still looks at her like she’s the yummiest cupcake he’s EVER seen. I don’t speak for all women but plenty of us find him quite appealing.
Mittens? Please. Missionary position once a week. And a few refreshing prayers afterward.
greennotGreen
Sorry, this isn’t funny since, given the topic, this is clearly a humor thread.
My 89yo mother is a Republican. She votes Republican because being a Republican is part of her world view and her view of herself. Facts must not intrude. She voted for George Bush because, although it was obvious he was a moron, she thought he’d appoint good people. She’ll probably vote for Romney because she won’t believe he’s lying and she won’t investigate the truth because it would destabilize her world view.
Yes, some women will vote Republican because some women don’t want to face reality.
Now, back to the much more entertaining snark.
Culture of Truth
Mitt Romney is the George McFly of American Politics
El Cid
ew
les
@Carl Nyberg:
Conservatives? Bwahahahah….
MaryRC
All this emphasis on harems, numerous kids and grandkids and many, many women: is this guy’s motive actually to polish up and sell Mitt’s religion to the God-fearin’ American public?
The LDS Church: it’s not a secretive, non-Christian cult. It’s sexytimes!
Beauzeaux
@Brachiator: And James I was gay as a goose. (Though he did supply an heir before he abandoned his wife altogether.)
dance around in your bones
@Raven Onthehill:
Hell. I just wish we could get it over whilst being sedated 24 hours a day.
(Raven OnTheHill, are you the same Raven as the one who caught the ginormous tuna? Have I missed something?)
jim filyaw
if i had dodged the draft and fathered five sons who sat out three wars, damned if i’d want the subject of manhood raised in my presence. maybe the g.o.p. should have nominated a fruitfly–now, there’s a real breeder!
PurpleGirl
When you look at a number of the robber barons and industrialists of the late 1800s and early 1900s, a lot of them had single daughters. Think of Doris Duke, Marjorie Merriweather Post, Sunny Von Bulow (just off the top of my head).
Celeriac
And yet, despite all this virile male virility, his most engaged hobby is whining about the unfairness that he STILL can’t get himself elected president.
Seems incongruous.
There’s a book–I won’t vouch for its scientific validity other than to say it seems reasonably referenced and is, anecdotally, highly entertaining– “Sperm Wars.” it examines various theories of evolutionary biology relative to sex and sexual attraction. One theory attempts to suss why pregnancy rates in affairs seem to be slightly higher than one would expect. It suggests that women subconsciously seek two distinct traits in a mate: complementery genetic material, and security. These things are often not found in the same man, and so enters the biological imperative to engage in an affair with someone based solely on animal attraction (theoretically an identification of promising genetic material) while maintaining the “monogamous” mate to provide security for her and resultant offspring.
Short version: at least one researcher suggests that women cuckold men like Romney to raise the bastards produced in union with the men who *actually* have the good baby batter.
Brachiator
@Beauzeaux:
And of course he sponsored the English language Bible that the homophobes and women haters love to thump.
Isn’t it ironic.
And a bit off and on topic, England’s Prince Harry is having a grand time showing his naughty bits.
.
As a slightly salcious aside, if he is Hewitt’s love child with Diana (but clearly accepted by Charles as his own) this also gets the NRO’s evolutionary panties in a twist and further deflates their puerile penile fantasies.
The Gawker is having a field day with the NRO: “Mitt Romney Could Have a Harem if He Wanted, Insists National Review.”
Since he has already selected his VP, Romney could bring some excitement to the upcoming GOP convention by adding a couple of wives.
Nom de Plume
@SpotWeld:
If they love Darwin so much, they need to read what he actually wrote. In sexual selection, the female does all the selecting. This happens because eggs are valuable, whereas sperm are a dime a dozen. So the bitches get to make the choice.
dance around in your bones
Ok, so the blog is going
spasmoidrepetitive otra vez.FYWP.
The Gerg
Sounds like this guy has a cruch on Mitt. Maybe he should go for it but not to sure Mitt would go for the whole man on man thing since he is a God Loving Homophobe.
Captain C
@Bill in Section 147: Who also, despite seeming very juiced up and rage-prone, is sandbagging all attempts to get him to give a urine sample.
karen
@NotMax:
Or that his keys didn’t get jammed from something stickier.
Brachiator
@Nom de Plume:
Not entirely true, but I take your point. Nature doesn’t give a shit about making either males or females top dog in the struggle for existence. Hell, sometimes, males become females.
Omnes Omnibus
@Corner Stone: I tried to read it, but then I threw up in my mouth and had to stop. I agree with you; I think he is serious. I also think he is seriously fucked up.
burnspbesq
That sound you just heard was the Delaware Secretary of State’s office date-stamping the Onion’s Certificate of Dissolution.
Really, there is no point in them continuing, is there?
hep kitty
Srsly, it IS pure satire, isn’t it?
PurpleGirl
@Redacted: And a couple of the kids were adopted, IIRC.
The Other Chuck
Poe’s Law was written with Kevin Williamson in mind.
FlipYrWhig
@Brachiator:
A Mormon leader with a harem? Sounds far-fetched.
PeakVT
It’s all about hierarchy with conservatives: Mitt sits higher than Barak, so they love Mitt even though he’s promising to rob everyone in the village and then set it on fire.
Brachiator
@FlipYrWhig:
RE: “Mitt Romney Could Have a Harem if He Wanted, Insists National Review.”
I know!
At this point, I expect to see a huge banner announcing the theme of the GOP Convention: “Big Love.”
FlipYrWhig
@Brachiator: Well played!
dance around in your bones
I had something I REALLY wanted to say but now I can’t remember it.
I’m sure it had to do with The Ramones, though.
Ok, just imagine it your your own damn minds.
TD
Wow, this fascist screed has everything from extolling the virtues of chieftainhood (and tribalism) to explaining how unknown biological mechanisms amongst superior organisms help them produce disproportionally male offspring…
Amazing.
Linda Featheringill
@Ann Rynd: #24
I realize it’s a joke.
But I’ve been told this a few times in all seriousness and it always triggers fantasies of me and a butcher knife and . . .
Obviously, I have no sense of humor. :-)
Valdivia
sorry how can it be humour if it goes on for 3 whole pages?
Omnes Omnibus
@Valdivia: Remind me to tell you the purple gorilla joke someday.
Maude
@Valdivia:
Republican humor.
Valdivia
@Omnes Omnibus:
oh can it be now? :) had a hell of a day and could use some laughter
@Maude:
they’re doing it wrong!
Omnes Omnibus
@Valdivia: The text box isn’t big enough. Plus, it works better in person with all the hand gestures, facial expressions, and such like things.
JenJen
Late to this, but may I simply say, OH MY FUCKING GOD?
Thanks.
@The Bearded Blogger:
Homoeroticism is to Conservatism like cheesy music is to Porno
This.
kc
Jesus, is there anything the NRO won’t publish?
Valdivia
@Omnes Omnibus:
I am holding you to it! :)
Omnes Omnibus
@Valdivia: Deal.
SiubhanDuinne
@rikyrah:
Yes ma’am! Word!
SiubhanDuinne
@NorthLeft12:
Promise. Cross my heart.
Patricia Kayden
“Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.”
Ha! I have to confess that I’m laughing at this. So stupid and silly.
My Dad only had two girls too. So he’s a wuss?
The Righties have a very interesting (aka scary as hell) attitude towards women. No wonder they think we shouldn’t have control over our own bodies.
different-church-lady
OMG, I can’t even describe the banner ad Google just chose to attach to this thread.
Okay, well, I’ll go ahead and do it anyway: 4 photos of cougars with the words, “We DON’T like young men. We want YOU!”
Google Ads are now officially completely creepy.
Anya
WTF! Un-Fucking-Believable!
I know it was said many times but in terms of power, who has more power and status than the President of the United States of America? Also, too, I don’t know a single woman in my age group (gold diggers with daddy issues excluded) who will choose to be with Mittenz. Did you see any of his vacation pictures? He looks greasy haired and gross.
Patricia Kayden
@rikyrah: You said it. Obama is sexy as hell. And very intelligent. Don’t know what the idiots at National Review are going on about. Their manhood is being threatened and they’re squealing like piglets.
What is so manly about The Bot? Born rich and by profiteering and firing people and shipping their jobs overseas, he’s become mega rich. Shrug.
Going from a single parent home to the White House through brains and persuasion is exceptionalism at its best.
Go Obama!
mclaren
Sounds like something that blogger Roissy would write. “Women dig assholes,” blah blah blah.
Rule of thumb: guys who write long articles praising alpha males ain’t one.
mclaren
@Raven Onthehill:
Too late.
mclaren
@Raven Onthehill:
Too late.
dance around in your bones
@mclaren:
mclaren, it has nothing to do with being an ‘alpha male’ – it has to do with a reasonably attractive guy with brains and empathy.
….AND a hot wife who he obviously adores; two girl kids who are accomplished and incredibly scandal free (i.e. no underage margaritas in some bar in Texas).
Did I say he is smart as hell? And, as someone said right here on this blog, her mama (gramma?) used to say “I’d let that man put his shoes beside MY bed”.
Only I’m afraid Michelle would open up a can of whoop-ass on me.
Joy
OMG! OJC (Oh, Jesus Christ!) and what a CV!
Wally Ballou
For a minute I wondered whether Roissy or whatever the fuck he calls himself now had joined the NRO payroll. Then I remembered that one of Roissy’s favorite bleats was that the nears get all the desirable white trophy-chicks, so I’m sure he would’ve given the POTUS the edge over Romney on that basis alone.
Mnemosyne
So for this election the Republicans actually want to spend a lot of time pointing out that Romney is 14 years older than Obama and a grandfather? Really?
Well, okay. Don’t throw me in that briar patch.
Mnemosyne
Also, too — guys believe things like this because that way they can comfort themselves by believing that they don’t have women throwing themselves at them because they’re not high-status enough, not because they’re self-centered jerks.
I married a younger guy (by 2 years) who has a crappy job and drives a Corolla, not because he’s a high-status male, but because he’s a great guy and treats me like a queen. Anecdata for ya there.
Colleeniem
@Ann Rynd: Holy crap, I love your name! So simple!
And yet so apt.
Applejinx
For such a bunch of brave toughguys it’s funny how they wouldn’t post my comment to the effect of,
If that’s how it is with them, why can’t they just own it? Is the article a LIE?
Shazza
@rikyrah:
Amen!