Watching Colbert atm, and this is one of the more boring shows of late. Went to the bathroom, was washing my hands, and saw this display in the mirror happening on the top of my melon:
WTF is up with that hot mess? A widow brow rapidly emerging on the right side of my melon sized head, all with a full frock of curls on top. If I weren’t so fat, I’d just shave my damned head, but I can’t right now because I’d look like 1/3 of the Three Stooges.
And yes, I’d trade being skinny over having hair.
Michael G
Shaved head + facial hair = top of the hipster style pyramid this week.
Mnemosyne
I’m pretty sure this is your future, so it only gets worse from here.
Glidwrith
Speaking of hot messes – I left my kids’ chocolate bunnies in the trunk of my car. Both of them are wandering the house caroling “choco bunny heat death!”
Mnemosyne
Also, too, for some reason Timmy’s “stories that differ about whether or not OBL reached for a gun during the raid prove that the raid never happened!” sent this song going through my head.
I wouldn’t say Richard Gere is a good singer, but at least they had him sing in a period-appropriate style.
JCJ
Yeah, my bald spot is rapidly taking over my dome. My wife used to suggest that I try Rogaine, but i always refused. I don’t really care except sunburns up there are not comfortable.
Omnes Omnibus
Either grow it longer or cut it shorter. That ain’t working.
NotMax
That’s why John Deere makes caps.
Or perhaps we’ll soon get a “not gay, not metrosexual” post about the joys of herb-scented hair mousse.
Violet
Looks like the inspiration for a George W. Bush painting.
Omnes Omnibus
@NotMax: I don’t like any product in my hair; no matter what I use it always feels sticky to me.
ruemara
based on my studies, the cockscomb is signaling that you’re in your prime and ready for a mate. I assume that you’ll be following the mating rituals of you kind and wearing some sort of aftershave, wooing the woman with the largest beehive hairdo and then spawning in the back of Dodge Charger somewhere.
Shalimar
Being skinny is a byproduct of not eating anything tasty, ever. Be careful what you wish for.
Omnes Omnibus
@ruemara: He is in WV.
Nicole
It’s hard to fully see the asymmetry of the widow’s peak in this shot. Please post another photo with your hair slicked back so we may judge for ourselves.
Just Some Fuckhead
That’s really hot. You’re exhibiting tertiary sex characteristics. You need to pair bond STAT.
Omnes Omnibus
@Shalimar:
Or a tapeworm.
MikeJ
IS the US going to try anything other than route one?
dance around in your bones
Wait until the end bit with the cardiologist and the smart phone thingies that are going to change medicine (sez doc). He’s looking into Colbert’s ruptured eardrum, audience groans, and Colbert sez “It’s not my asshole!”
I sit through The Daily Show barely cracking a smile; Colbert frequently has me laughing so hard I get tears running down my face.
(BTW, what are those metal things sticking up out of your head? Remnants of the tinfoil hat?)
And yeah, your hair is a hot mess. Said with love, from dance
Violet
Losing weight is within your control. Growing hair in areas that are losing hair, not so much in your control. At least you want the one you can have.
Omnes Omnibus
Also, is your face really that red?
dance around in your bones
Also, wondering if I should watch the HBO documentary ‘American Winter’ about people struggling in the aftermath of the economic crisis or if it would just totally depress me.
Better surf around the guide.
eta: ok, ten minutes into it – definitely looking for something else! Steeplejack, where are you?
Anne Laurie
@Glidwrith: From the memory of an Old: Bob & Ray’s Chocolate Wobblies!
ETA: http://youtu.be/AH0wyVu1AT8
maven
(hahaha)
check your back.
Oddly; it ends up in the most unexpected places……
Mnemosyne
@ruemara:
For some reason, I’ve been thinking about the Simpsons Halloween episode where it turns out that Kodos is Maggie’s real father:
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I am guessing it will depress or anger you. Or both.
Hill Dweller
@dance around in your bones: Stewart’s show is far more bad than good these days. Colbert is consistently great because he is far more involved in the writing and the show revolves around him.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: Why, oh, why does a fountain in Kitzbuhel, Austria, never make the list?
Jebediah
@Mnemosyne:
Quite a few years ago, a friend and I walked in on a robbery in progress in a McDonalds. That same night, we could not agree on whether the robber’s shirt was red or blue. So I guess the robbery did not happen?
Which is good, because the house we were living in had a yard that abutted the McDonald’s parking lot. The police came by in their search for the robber, and asked me to go check the shed. At the time, I declined. (I thought that was a job better suited for, you know, the police.) But now that I know the robbery didn’t really happen, I shouldn’t have been worried at all!
MikeJ
@Hill Dweller: John Stewart is a guy who reads jokes and does half assed interviews. Colbert performs.
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus:
Me too. I switched to Slap Shot, which I’ve heard is funny/good. Paul Newman 1977, yum.
Ash Can
Don’t worry. Your pets will still love you, with or without hair.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jebediah: While I was a little kid and my dad was still in school, he worked the night shift at a convenience store. One night he was held up by a guy with a gun. He said he was able to tell the cops the approximate height of the guy, his race (Caucasian), and the giant size of the hole in the end of the pistol that was pointed at him. As it turns out, the cops picked the guy up down the road after another robbery; he was a marine AWOL from ‘Nam.
Mnemosyne
@dance around in your bones:
I remember it being pretty funny. Have the Hanson Brothers shown up yet?
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: I love the Hanson brothers. “Eddie Shore! Old time hockey!”
RobertDSC-eMac 1.25
Your hair is suffering from Tunchian stress fatigue. Have him sleep somewhere else.
JCJ
0:0 USA:Mexico!
A point!
ETA: Mexico should have had at least one penalty kick.
dance around in your bones
@Hill Dweller:
Plus Colbert has a real genius for physical comedy and an incredibly quick mind.
Stewart seems disengaged and goes for cheap laughs. Too bad, I used to like his show back in the day.
MikeJ
0-0, which is probably as good as we could ask for.
daveX99
I came to BJ for the politics, but i stayed for the lols. keep up the good work, team!
Omnes Omnibus
@daveX99: Weird, I got into politics for the….
dance around in your bones
@Mnemosyne:
Not yet. I keep pausing the movie to type comments on here. Ah, the perils of simultaneous movie watching and BJ blogging…
@Omnes Omnibus: ^ see above. Waiting for their appearance :)
eta: one critic :
The Wall Street Journal’s Joy Gould Boynum seemed at once entertained and repulsed by a movie so “foul-mouthed and unabashedly vulgar” on one hand and so “vigorous and funny” on the other.
It’s definitely foul-mouthed enough for all of them to comment on Balloon Juice, ha!
Jebediah
@Omnes Omnibus:
I imagine that quite a bit of his attention was focused on that gun! Very glad that story didn’t end violently for your Dad.
burnspbesq
@JCJ:
Two penalties not given.
One point grabbed.
A good night for Tio Sam.
Anne Laurie
@dance around in your bones: That movie is completey in my humor wheelhouse, which’ll tell ya somethin. The only bit better than the Hanson brother meekly asking “Old time hockey?” near the end is Newman’s character baiting the goalie into attacking him: “Suzanne!… sucks!… “
Anybody likes Slap Shot should also check out Nobody’s Fool. IMO Newman was best playing characters like that, men old enough to be realizing how much of their lives they’d wasted riding on their looks & “charm”, qualities with a shelf life like yogurt.
Soonergrunt
@dance around in your bones: That movie is funnier than shit.
Arclite
@ John & everyone,
Here’s a great article on weight loss by being cold.
Omnes Omnibus
@Anne Laurie: I love the French-Canadian goalie at the beginning explaining the various penalties. “You go to da box for two minutes, ya know, by yourself … you feel shame … and then you get free.”
Glidwrith
@Anne Laurie: Cool-having the ribbon hidden somewhere inside the bunny remnants was a nice twist. My pair were more curious where the eyeballs went…
Omnes Omnibus
@Glidwrith:
Some questions are best left unanswered.
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
According to Wikipedia, it’s a cult movie in Francophone Canada because they dubbed it into Quebecois instead of standard French. (And also hockey, of course.)
JohnK
I have hair, no bald spot but I close crop it to 9mm anyway. Easy to take care of, no need for a comb, shampoo, a towel or any of that crap. Some day I’ll use my razor and go for the ultimate bad ass look.
dance around in your bones
@Anne Laurie:
Nobody’s Fool was great. You say it much better than I , but I agree Paul Newman, hot though he was in his youth (and who made plenty of great movies then) is very good at playing an older guy who has pretty much shot his youth and good luck and charm wad.
@Soonergrunt:
I’m finding that out! Don’t know why I never saw it back in the day.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: Standard French would never have worked.
Comrade Colette Collaboratrice
@Violet:
You are a deeply horrible person, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
SatanicPanic
I hope I’m cool about it if and when I start losing my hair. One of my friends went bald in his mid 20s and was rocking a combover. I don’t even like wearing hats.
Omnes Omnibus
@SatanicPanic:
I can tell you that, if it happens to me, I won’t be. I am closing in on 49 with no recession of hairline or thinning, but I am vain enough about my hair that I would handle it poorly if it goes.
ETA: At my 10 year high school reunion, one guy had gone full-on chrome dome. Hair on the sides but that was it. It was a bit shocking.
dance around in your bones
Hanson Brothers just showed up and are kicking the living shit out of everyone on ice or not – players, refs, the audience…
Ted & Hellen
@Mnemosyne:
Of course, as you know but are as per usual too much of a shameless liar to state clearly, the “stories” are not mine at all, but the varying tales of men who claim to have been there when the big gig went down.
Neither did I ever say the raid never happened. For some reason YOU keep saying it though.
Tool.
Omnes Omnibus
@dance around in your bones: It gets better…
Omnes Omnibus
@Ted & Hellen: If you don’t mean to suggest some nefarious conspiracy, what the fuck is your point?
SatanicPanic
@Omnes Omnibus: I’ll probably be right there with you. The other day I was nervously looking at old photos of my dad when he was 6-7 years younger than me. I’m happy to report I’ve already held onto the my hair longer. No thinning yet. Must mean I didn’t take after him in the hair department
David Koch
@Ted & Hellen: really? you don’t think the raid happened? They went through all the trouble of crashing a highly advanced stealth helicopter in the middle of Pakistan to create a cover story? And that Pete Souza staged the photos of the situation room?
Is it a full moon tonight?
dance around in your bones
@Omnes Omnibus: “I’m listening to the fucking song!”
Just Some Fuckhead
Awesome. Now the trolls are arguing with each other over nonsense. This is why we can’t have anything nice.
Omnes Omnibus
@SatanicPanic: My dad kept his, both of my grandfathers did as well. The male ancestor I take after most physically lived to be 89 with without his hair retreating any farther than it had in his early 40s. I have hopes. I would not do well bald. I went through OCS in the army and I know what I look like with a “dusty cueball” (1/4″ all over) – even with dark hair, it is not a good look for me.
@dance around in your bones: Oh yeah.
burnspbesq
@David Koch:
T&H is warming up for next Monday.
Omnes Omnibus
@burnspbesq: Oh, yippie.
Omnes Omnibus
This is absurd.
kate
@SatanicPanic: alas..baldness is determined by your mom’s genes.
tatateeta
You really are very funny. You’d rather be fat with hair than thin and bald?
Mnemosyne
@tatateeta:
It’s a guy thing. Propecia makes you impotent, but some guys would rather be impotent than bald.
SatanicPanic
@Omnes Omnibus: My grandpa on my mom’s side still has hair at 92, so there’s hope. I got dumped in high school 2 weeks after getting a buzz cut, I haven’t been brave enough to try it since.
Thor Heyerdahl
@dance around in your bones:
“She underlines the fuck scenes for ya? Jesus, if she underlines the fuck scenes for ya, she must worship the ground you walk on.”
YellowJournalism
@kate: Hubby lucked out. My FIL often jokes about pulling out his ear hair to make himself a toupee. Hubby’s grandfather on MIL’s side has a full head of hair. It may go white early, but it’s gorgeous.
Unfortunately for my boys, big bald spots run on both sides of my family. At least they’ll get to keep some hair, though!
Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)
My hair’s a mess. It’s always been thus. I have a sweeeeeet cowlick behind my right ear that sticks out sideways, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. Also, my hair doesn’t grow down; it grows out. It never reaches down below about the middle of my neck, but it kind of gets bigger all over my head, toward the front, to the sides, to the back. And the weirdest thing is that it insn’t even curly; it’s straight. I’m tall and skinny, too, which gives me, in my wife’s words, the Q-tip look when I go a month or longer without a haircut. I call it the white guy afro, or caucasio. She’s on my ass the last week to get it cut. Also, she wants me to cut my sideburns. And, jeez, they only reach to the bottom of my jaw. I think I was born 30 or 40 years too late. I would have looked great in 1967. And the sideburns aren’t the wackiest beard I ever grew. While I was living in Honduras, I had muttonchops for about three months. They kicked ass. She won’t let me even think about doing that now. Ahh, married life…
dance around in your bones
@Thor Heyerdahl: They teach you how to underline in college.
Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)
@kate:
Not true; it’s a recessive-dominant thing, so it can come from either way. Otherwise, a guy with hair could never have a bald brother, but that happens sometimes.
Anne Laurie
@Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.): The Spousal Unit had a full beard when we met (he was 22, I was 18). Some time after that, I met his brothers, and discovered why. He knows that if he ever shaves his beard, our relationship is over.
Yutsano
@Omnes Omnibus: I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The mileage is really low though. Not that I’d go to Holland to get it mind you.
Ruckus
Better than looking like 2/3 of the three stooges.
YellowJournalism
@Ruckus: Yeah, what was up with Larry?
danielx
@Michael G:
If he wants to look like a hipster douche rocket, that will definitely do the job, provided he has the right accessories.
Little holier-than-thou asshole. Not Cole, the guy at the link.
Now that I have vented, thanks to those BJ commentators who wished my darling daughter the best this morning. She came through her surgical procedure without complications and it’s all good…except that we were supposed to be going to FL next week to go to her particular nirvana, which is Harry Potter World at Universal Orlando. My long suffering spouse, since she is staying at the hospital on the single couch in the room, gets to explain first thing in the AM that it’s not going to happen. Can’t go on rides, can’t get in the water, what’s the point?
This is not going to go well.
Not to mention potentially having a problem on the way down and having to take a neurosurgical patient to some hospital in East Jesus, Tennessee. That part got my attention right off. Anyway, since only one of us could stay there Mrs. X wanted it to be her.
Yes. I am a total wuss and coward.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@dance around in your bones: they brought their fuckin toys with em!
Ruckus
@Jebediah:
Once got my business broken into, called the sheriff. When they arrived they asked me if I’d checked it out. Told them I was willing to do an entry inspection if they would lend me one of their guns. They declined my request. I declined theirs. They went in.
Ruckus
@SatanicPanic:
When there is nothing on the top, or so little that it can be described as nothing, cut it all short or shave it off. Nothing looks as stupid as a comb over with the possible exception of bozo hair. That’s lots on the sides, the aforementioned nothing on top. We won’t even discuss mullets. Short is best because then you don’t have to risk shaving the bumps.
I mean jeezz, suck it up and grow old gracefully.
Irish Steel
I’m pretty trim for my age but I’m not doing so good in the hair dept. Maybe we can arrange some kind of swap?
dance around in your bones
@The prophet Nostradumbass: One with the universe, nothing matters…
Higgs Boson's Mate
No worries, John; in a few years you’ll be able to comb the hair on your ears over the bald spot.
Ruckus
@Higgs Boson’s Mate:
I think people forget that gravity works. For proof I give you, my hair. Well it looks like I gave it away. Pretty much nothing on top but the ears and back, I mean what the fuck, it all just fell off the top and is closer to the ground? Couldn’t it have just fallen all the way off?
Anne Laurie
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: Or he can shave his back, and have the luxuriant results woven into a — what did the guy on Cheers call it? — a “hair replacement system”.
ulee
Bedhead. It’ll get worse as you age and doze off watching dozens of hours of television.
danielx
Also, too – Cole, if you go through with the adoption/fostering thing you may discover that there are a whole hell of a lot worse problems than how much hair you have…like seeing a kid lying in a hospital bed. Which is not to say you wouldn’t deal with it well – you would – but on the 1 to 10 scale of suckage, it scores about 75.
On the other hand, it does wonders for your sense of perspective.
By the way, what happened to that post? It seems to have vanished, or maybe I’m missing it which is also distinctly possible.
JGabriel
@Omnes Omnibus:
How do I get one of those? Are they on sale somewhere?
.
Nicole
Eh, my stepbrother started losing his hair at 18 and ended up getting married in his 30s to a hot blonde. My husband’s hair was thinning when we met and has only gotten thinner and I still like him just fine. Sexy is as sexy does.
Yutsano
@Nicole: Patrick Stewart. The defence rests, Your Honour.
? Martin
I have the same hair as when I was a teenager, other than a little grey showing around the edges. Pisses my friends off to no end, as they’re all pretty thin on top, even the guys younger than me. Since I lost most of the weight last year (I put about 5 lbs back on over winter) I should be able to get not just not-fat, but hopefully legitimately in-shape this year.
So, doing okay for 44. I want to complain about things, but I don’t really have cause to. Objectively, I have it pretty damn good, but I’m still stressed and depressed. I think I’m just wired that way.
Anne Laurie
@JGabriel: Probably an urban legend, according to Snopes. I do remember the diet pill scare from the 1960s (of course, amphetamines weren’t much healthier than tapeworms).
Jay C
@kate:
I hope you’re right: I remember my grandmother once showing me a century- old photo of his family which my grandfather had brought over from the Old Country. ALL the men in it – like my granddad, and, for that matter, my father too, had a distinctive lack of hair. Which seems to have skipped yrs truly: I hope – I’ve reached the age of old- enough with most of my hair intact….
Schlemizel
I have sported the Eddy Munster coif for many many years – first world problem, get over it
raven
Shaved head and goatee for 20 years. Ponytail to the middle of my back once and a zz top beard once upon a time.
Schlemizel
@Ruckus:
NAH! I luv the Ben Franklin look – or better still, bald on top long gray ponytail!
PrairieLogic
@ John Cole – For weight loss, try
this app: http://www.myfitnesspal.com
A visit to the doctor last June got me serious and I have dropped over 30 pounds… just counted calories and worked at getting some exercise every day. It’s hell on the wardrobe, though.
Randy P
@Anne Laurie: Bob and Ray trivia: Chris Elliott, who’s a pretty funny guy in his own right (if you don’t know him by name you’d probably recognize his face… camera guy in “Groundhog Day” for instance), is the grandson of Bob.
I learned that in a magazine article about the 3 generations of Elliotts some years back.
Bob & Ray were around doing their schtick when I was a kid and I used to hear about them all the time, but I never actually heard or saw them. That magazine article included a description of a skit that made me laugh just reading about it, and laugh again every time I remember the description. I’ve got to chase it down one of these days.
Another random B & R connection: I was at a performance of “Prairie Home Companion” a few months ago, and Garrison Keillor introduced a guest who was, among other things, a Bob and Ray archivist and “expert on all things Bob and Ray”.
xian
@Shalimar: or only eating small amounts of tasty things
MomSense
@Arclite:
As a New Englander I can assure you that being cold does not help you to lose weight. It makes you want to cook everything in bacon fat and comfort food binge.
Platonicspoof
test
Platonicspoof
@danielx:
This one?
Saved it for the beginning, middle and end.
Clever bastards are clever.
Ruckus
@Schlemizel:
Of course YMMV.
schrodinger's cat
John, you need to grow it out and then go to a good stylist. They will wash your hair, condition it and then cut it. You will feel pampered and happy.
schrodinger's cat
@Arclite: I usually gain some poundages in winter. I move much more in the spring and summer and keeping the weight off is much easier.
Jay C
@Randy P:
Minor nitpick: Chris Elliott is Bob Elliott’s son: the “3rd generation” of them is his daughter Abby Elliott, another SNL and HIMYM veteran.
Quaker in a Basement
A little dab will do ya.
oldster
You know, John–not every mess is hot.