Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

Books are my comfort food!

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

There are times when telling just part of the truth is effectively a lie.

All hail the time of the bunny!

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

The fight for our country is always worth it. ~Kamala Harris

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

’Where will you hide, Roberts, the laws all being flat?’

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Here’s Something Funny

Reader Interactions

134Comments

  4. 4.

    NickT

    @Bob In Portland:

    I know. What with Cole yapping on incessantly, it’s hard for an honest blog-commenter to hear himself think. I miss the good old peaceful days of yesterday.

  5. 5.

    Keith

    For all the self-loathing posts you put up, do you every try to do anything about it? I’m not trying to beat up on you, but I’ve known several people who, at some point, just decide they’re going to try to improve their self-image and exercise, whether it be yoga (google “DDP yoga” for some inspiring stories) or building up to marathon running.
    Of course, there’s also lots of women who like the big teddy bear body type, and there are big guys who can pick them out of a crowd and enjoy the fruits of God’s fortune. It can bum me out (since I’m the skinny guy who unknowingly fall for the women who like the teddy bears), but that’s life.

  9. 9.

    SIA

    Don’t hate on yourself John.

    Can anyone recommend a non-pillow top spring mattress for someone with lower back problems? I can’t have any of those foam ones because I have an interior body furnace that keeps me hot all the time. I’m trying to research before shopping and I’m completely confused now.

  10. 10.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    Durnit Cole, I said post PET pictures! What makes you think we want to look at actual humans?

  13. 13.

    La Caterina

    After a week with the flu, I just had an alarming nosebleed. Never had one of those. Hubby says it’s nothing, he used to get them all the time.

    Anyway, thanks for the pic, Cole. You interrupted my panic attack.

  15. 15.

    Steeplejack

    @Cole:

    [. . .] who let the bridge troll next to the hot chick?

    I’m pretty sure that’s Auric Goldfinger.

  17. 17.

    TaMara (BHF)

    @SIA: I went with a latex mattress (real rubber from the rubber tree plant).

    It’s cool. You float on it instead of sinking in. It kind of pushes back at you, so you don’t sink in, but you still get this great support.

    And they supposedly last forever. I started with a pillow, to make sure I liked it and wasn’t allergic (rare – they’re usually allergic to the by-products from making rubber which then go to make condoms, latex gloves, etc). After 6 months of heaven, I moved on to a mattress.

    I have severe back problems and this has been great. And did I mention cool in the summer?

    There are two styles of latex mattresses and the best way to figure out what works for you is to test drive some.

  21. 21.

    FlyingToaster

    @La Caterina: Flu (or the accompanying fever and inflammation) will help your sinus capillaries swell up and burst. It really does happen all the time.

    If it hasn’t been raining for 3 days (like here), you may want to dig out the vaporizer and run it overnight. That should help reduce the inflammation/post-flu dryness until you’re all better.

  23. 23.

    Scott Alloway

    You are too hard on yourself with regards to your looks. As you age, you will appreciate who you are. She, on the other hand, is gorgeous and probably has remained so.

  27. 27.

    gogol's wife

    No one has commented on his brocade waistcoat. It looks like something out of Jane Austen (who was being dissed in a thread below).

  28. 28.

    PIGL

    this is just like that scene in Scarface, where our hero plops his head, nose first, into a huge pile of blow. get help while you still can.

  29. 29.

    Keith G

    Where is your pocket square? You are not formally dressed without one. Sheese!

    /Gay rant

  31. 31.

    NickT

    @gogol’s wife:

    He was Bilbo Baggins before Bilbo Baggins.

    Still don’t get the Mansfield Park hatred though. Critics tend not to like it – and I’ve never really understood why.

  34. 34.

    lamh36

    so unscientifically, what does one think is the average age of a Balloon Juicer now-a-days?

    lets find out. review this list & see if you are more likely to say, “oh yeah I remember doing that” or “yeah my kids used to do that all the time”…

    50 Things Only 80’s Kids Can Understand”

    I swear it almost perfectly lists things from my childhood,

  36. 36.

    SIA

    @TaMara (BHF): thanks for that! Can you tell me brand name/style so I can do some research? I’d heard that the foam mattresses hold body heat so I’ve steered clear of them so far.

  37. 37.

    lamh36

    @Scott Alloway: agreed, John really is too hard on himself in regards to his appearance.

    but this pic got me to thinking though. the other day my sisters and I were wondering why it is that you are more likely to see a cute/attractive/beautiful/whatever girl and she dating some schleppy guy than seeing a cute/attractive/handsome/whatever guy with a “schleppy” girl? on a purely superficial level would we think the guy is more picky, or that the girl is less picky?

    of course on an emotional/maturity level, we make up cute rom-com or romance dramas about them hooking up.

    just wondering’

    BTW. I am NOT calling John Cole schleppy, I think he’s a rather cute fella.

  40. 40.

    raven

    @lamh36: Like I said, hidden talents. My bride is a stunner, I’m a dawg.

    eta

    Asleep at the Wheel put it this way:

    You call me shabby
    You say my hair is not in style
    Well the pants may be baggy
    But it could be worth your while. . .

  41. 41.

    nineone

    G’on witcha bad self, JG Cole.

    I suppose if we can’t have Tunch, the other big white cat will have to do.

  47. 47.

    dance around in your bones

    I’ll own up to being born in the early-ish 50’s. Most of the folks who comment on their age here tend to be olds (self-described). I like the mix.

  48. 48.

    trollhattan

    What cracks me up is that Cole can de-focus a camera from behind or in front. Uncanny.

  52. 52.

    BGinCHI

    No idea what “on the grid” would look like at this point.

    /must be the 100th person to write this on the thread

  53. 53.

    La Caterina

    Late 50’s vintage here. Older than Cole, but probably closer to the average Juicer in age.

  55. 55.

    lamh36

    well my age is truly 36. I’m just no clever enough to come up with a snazzy username. so I went for the cop-out, i.e. easy way out

  56. 56.

    TaMara (BHF)

    @SIA: Yes. There’s two styles, Talalay and Dunlop. It has to do with how they are processed and formed. Latex mattresses are a poured liquid that then hardens into a mattress that rivals any of the memory foam mattresses.

    Dunlop is the firmer of the two. Some mattresses mix the two to give a really good firm/soft mixture. This seems to have good info here.

    (I’ve now broken this comment into 2, because FYWP didn’t like the links)

    ETA: Ok, keeps eating my comment. SIA, you can email me at whats4dinnersolutions (at) live (dot) com and I’ll get you the rest of the information. :-)

  58. 58.

    BGinCHI

    @dance around in your bones: I meant for Cole, since his “on the grid” style matches his “off the grid” pronouncement. Then I saw the previous thread, so now I know.

    In a better world, Cole would be one of our corporate overlords (I accidentally wrote “overlards”), but we have no such luck to be ruled by the likes of him.

  59. 59.

    Steeplejack

    @SIA:

    I haven’t done much research, but I think that (a) latex is different from foam and (b) there have been big advances in making foam mattresses cooler.

    The most comfortable bed I ever owned had a foam mattress that I made from instructions in a cool book called Nomadic Furniture (1973). Incredibly comfortable—and cheap—but, yeah, heat retention was a bit of a problem sometimes.

    . . . And I see that Nomadic Furniture has been reissued in an omnibus edition with Nomadic Furniture 2. Cool! Highly recommended not only for the actual projects but for a cool way of thinking about design, décor, furniture, etc. It influenced a lot of things that I did as an amateur sawdust-maker over the years.

  62. 62.

    BGinCHI

    @Steeplejack: Got a book recommendation for you. This will surprise you, but trust me. It’s a historical novel from the 12th century with Normans and Anglo-Saxons, Norsemen and many others. Ripping adventure yarn with a lot of historical detail and especially wonderful stuff on hawking.

    Hawkquest by Robert Lyndon.

    Here it is on Amazon.

  66. 66.

    Helen

    So I am relatively newish here. And when John said that he was going off the grid and y’all said “Of course you are not” I got kinda offended for John. Of course he can. Apparently not. Perhaps he should do what I do. Semi off the grid. I do not watch TV – certainly not politics TV – for the whole weekend. Mostly it works. Except – as a news/politics junkie guess what I missed? Osama bin Laden’s killing. And I knew who that fucker was in 1998 when he blew up our embassy’s. When 9/11 happened I knew 2 minutes later who did it.

    So, anyway, OT but I am watching GIRLS for the first time. And I’m kinda embarrassed for Lena Dunham. That is a BAD show.

  72. 72.

    BGinCHI

    @Omnes Omnibus: I assume you’re getting some miles this weekend. 2 hours yesterday and 3 today, and if weather holds 4 tomorrow and Monday. Lots of good miles in the saddle.

    Tell me you’re still riding.

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @BGinCHI: 35 miles today. 77 so far on the week.

    ETA: Also, this was the first week for the new job, so I was out less than usual.

  77. 77.

    dance around in your bones

    @BGinCHI: Ahh, a hetero-metro. New category!

    We’ve all seen more of Cole’s feet in pics than perhaps he has? I remember the reveal….some feet, an elbow, and finally the frightening late night web cam face photo, glowering at his minions.

  78. 78.

    BGinCHI

    @Omnes Omnibus: Attaboy.

    I was afraid you guys were getting a lot of rain. It’s been near miss since yesterday. Sick of this cold temp though….

    You feeling any difference from riding consistently?

  79. 79.

    cbear

    I look at it, and all I can think is who let the bridge troll next to the hot chick?

    So we’re back on the John Merrick trip again, huh Cole? Since it’s futile to argue with you when you’re in this state–I’ll simply leave you with this to think about:

    If Newt fucking Gingrich can knock down that much nookie, you should be able to make your way in the world.
    I’m just saying.

  83. 83.

    BGinCHI

    @cbear: Cole is up against it in that demographic pool he lives in. Who is he gonna meet?

    This blog needs to join an online dating site for him and generate some dates.

  86. 86.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    @Steeplejack:

    I haven’t done much research, but I think that (a) latex is different from foam

    Well, obviously. Foam only protects from pregnancy, while latex protects from pregnancy and S T D’s.

  87. 87.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @BGinCHI: The ride I did today is one I did twice last year and it wiped me out each time; now I do it as a matter of course once or twice a week. I also feel a lot more comfortable on the bike.

  88. 88.

    Frivolous

    Not sure how many agree, but I think John looks handsome in the picture.

    Not joking. Serious.

  90. 90.

    BGinCHI

    @Omnes Omnibus: It definitely takes time. It’s one of the most cumulative sports, in terms of fitness.

    Hope we get to ride together at some point when we get up there. Might do a Walworth County ride in a few weeks. Along the border.

  92. 92.

    gnomedad

    So I went to the Newsmax box and clicked on “The One Thing You Should Do For Your Prostate Each Morning”. It was disappointing. How anyone with an IQ above room temperature (Celsius) can spend two minutes at that site, politics aside, without feeling like a rube is beyond me.

  94. 94.

    Helen

    @cbear: The Gingrich thing is about power (and money). I don’t get it. I don’t get it all. But some women want to be the wife of the power guy. No matter what they look like. And no matter if they are killing foreigners in stupid wars or stealing from old people. Also? It’s not like Calista is a “get” I don’t get that either. She kinda freaks me out.

  95. 95.

    Anne Laurie

    @SIA:

    Can anyone recommend a non-pillow top spring mattress for someone with lower back problems? I can’t have any of those foam ones because I have an interior body furnace that keeps me hot all the time. I’m trying to research before shopping and I’m completely confused now.

    Have you tested the Select Comfort /Sleep Number mattresses? I know the commercials make them sound like a scam, but I’ve been sleeping on one for almost 20 years and they made a HUGE difference to my back/sciatica issues. And as another person with body-furnace issues, they’re essentially high-quality airbed wrapped in a fabic covering, so they’re more comfortable in that sense, too.

  99. 99.

    Thor Heyerdahl

    @BGinCHI: We set up a WiFi using the radio transmitter on our raft. The next time we do the trip across the south seas, we won’t film it – we’ll stream it instead.

  100. 100.

    TaMara (BHF)

    @Anne Laurie: I can also recommend this. I slept on one for about 3 months while living elsewhere and it helped. And if the latex turns out to be too expensive, this might be a great option. I just didn’t like the board in the center. Mostly because I’m a snuggler and always ended up on the stupid thing.

  101. 101.

    John O

    I love when John goes Galt in his hourly way. I expect epic rants forthcoming, the very reason I got hooked on this blog, whose tab is my only that never changes but only gets refreshed.

    And you best fear the Blackhawks, John…they’re the only team that MIGHT be better than the Pens. Still down, but 3-2 is a lot better than 3-1.

  103. 103.

    Anne Laurie

    @NickT:

    Still don’t get the Mansfield Park hatred though. Critics tend not to like it – and I’ve never really understood why.

    Even Miss Austen said that “Nobody will like Fanny Price (the heroine) but me.” Mansfield Park was about the contemporary HUGE shift in social attitudes — from applauding ‘meek, submissive’ heroines whose strongest attachments would always be to their siblings (Fanny) to encouraging witty, strong-minded heroines whose primary attachments would be to the families they married into (like Mary Grant, or frankly Elizabeth Bennet!).

    Fanny and her sad-sack second-son lover Edmund were “old school” traditional English role models, standing athwart history whining oh-please-don’t. Austen knew perfectly well that their role model days were done, and not without reason — if you read the text to that shocking, horrible theatrical play “Lovers Vows”, you find the semi-pornographic female characters who gave Fanny & Edmund such fainting fits were a middle-aged single mother betrayed by her older, socially superior lover into one fatal lapse (the baron repents & plans to marry her at the end, after he’s reconciled with his grown-up byblow) and the baron’s legitimate daugher, who sasses her old man by announcing she’s rather marry her sterling, highly-educated tutor (a parson) rather than the nitwit reprobate whose only selling point is his aristocratic birth. People who found those characters “too daring for a young lady’s ears” were the sort of people who bitch today about how teenage mothers should be forced to turn over their offspring to decent middle-class adoptive families rather than being allowed to either abort or get “public money” to raise their own kids — what the hero of their favorite book would have called “pharisees” or “hypocrites”.

    Austen’s next book, Persuasion, returns to the more “practical” (believable) modern style of romance — Anne Elliot’s aristocratic relatives are selfish idiots when they aren’t sociopaths, and letting them browbeat her out of marrying her young love because “all” he has to offer are his own skills, honest ambitions, and network of good friends is the biggest mistake of her life.

  104. 104.

    Anne Laurie

    @lamh36:

    but this pic got me to thinking though. the other day my sisters and I were wondering why it is that you are more likely to see a cute/attractive/beautiful/whatever girl and she dating some schleppy guy than seeing a cute/attractive/handsome/whatever guy with a “schleppy” girl? on a purely superficial level would we think the guy is more picky, or that the girl is less picky?

    “Society” is tougher on less-than-lovely women than we are on men. I’ve never been better than a 6-out-of-10, but while I was in a longterm relationship with a man who was maybe one step “above” me (not the Spousal Unit) we regularly got weird looks from waiters & other strangers. Some of his acquaintances even decided the guy must have some kind of weird sexual kink that only a relatively “unattractive” chick like me would indulge. Of course this was back in the 1970s/early 1980s, before internet pr0n moved the public imagination on ‘weird sexual kink’ from ‘doesn’t shave her legs’ to ‘two girls, one cup’!

  106. 106.

    SIA

    @Anne Laurie: Thanks Anne Laurie, the heat issue was the reason I wasn’t considering them so good to hear that hasn’t been an issue for you. (Why, oh why, do I live in Georgia. I’m ALWAYS hot, it’s bizarre.)

  107. 107.

    Jay

    Looking at the picture from a distance, Mr. Cole, I must say you look like the Bob Backlund of later years. I take it you escaped the Iron Sheik’s Camel Clutch?

    Yay, ‘rasslin’!

  108. 108.

    Anne Laurie

    @cbear:

    If Newt fucking Gingrich can knock down that much nookie, you should be able to make your way in the world.

    I assume, from reports, that NfG asks every double-XX-chromosome-bearer he meets, under any circumstances, usually more than once. Single hot chicks. Ugly old women. His best friends’ wives. His high school algebra teacher. Even if he gets turned down 999 times out of a thousand, after fifty years of non-stop trying he’s gonna have an impressive collection of notches on his bedpost.

    Too many single guys — not necessarily anybody around here — suffer from the opposite problem; they wouldn’t have any woman who’d be un-choosy enough to have them. They go to their friends’ weddings and whine about how they “just want a woman who will love me back”, but when someone suggests potential hookup A, B, or Z, all candidates are rejected as ‘too old’, ‘too young’, ‘too needy’, ‘too intimidating’, ‘not pretty enough’, ‘too pretty to date a guy like me’, ‘just not well-educated enough’, ‘too smart for me to keep up with’, ‘not ambitious enough’, ‘too successful to bother’, and so on (and on and on)…

  110. 110.

    Anne Laurie

    @TaMara (BHF):

    I just didn’t like the board in the center. Mostly because I’m a snuggler and always ended up on the stupid thing.

    Our Select Comfort was a wedding gift from the Spousal Unit’s father, and we joke that it may have saved our marriage! He likes a very squishy mattress “like a hammock”, and I need bounce-a-quarter inflexibility. Fortunately we’re not sleep-snugglers — I radiate heat like a furnace — but we did end up taking out the foam “board” that divides the two separate sleep-sacks inside the king-sized outer bag, because you’re right that it tends to get in the way at all the wrong moments, for example when you’re changing the sheets.

  111. 111.

    cbear

    @Anne Laurie: Maybe Newt lures them in with a Select Comfort…….:)

    Seriously though, thanks for the info, AL—I’ve always wondered whether they were any good.

    I herniated 2 discs in March and can still barely walk, I’ve been thinking about making a move—-mattress-wise that is.

  113. 113.

    Ruckus

    @cbear:
    I herniated discs about 4 years ago and started sleeping on the floor, with just a few blankets as a mattress. Back got better in a matter of days, I could feel it slide into place as I laid down. So I built a bed that uses a sheet of 3/4 plywood as the mattress, with about an inch and a half of blankets/mattress pads as a cushion. But it is hard on the rest of the body so I’m looking for better solution. I’m like AL in that I need super supportive but not rock hard. So I’m also looking into latex and memory foam and echo the thanks to everyone for the info.

  114. 114.

    Thymezone

    1. You’re a handsome bastard, and 2. You have been lying to us all these years.

  116. 116.

    cbear

    @Ruckus: Thanks for the advice Ruckus.
    However, it sounds like you had something other than a herniated disc. When a disc is herniated, it’s not out of alignment, the jelly-like substance inside the discs is protruding or extruding out and pressing on other nerves.
    A lot of different conditions are commonly referred to as a “herniated disc” which is where the confusion seems to come from.

    Again, Thanks.

  117. 117.

    Anne Laurie

    @cbear: To be fully honest, in the last couple years I’ve “graduated” (aged) into using these wedges on top of my Select Comfort. My specific problem is not bad discs, though, but bad ligaments (congenital mild hip dysplasia & sciatica, complicated by obesity) so I can’t speak to whether ‘mechanical realignment’ will help your back problem. The wedges work so well for me, however, that I actually carry the leg wedge along when I travel — I can pile up enough pillows to keep my head elevated, but keeping my knees at the right angle is tough without my wedge.

  118. 118.

    cbear

    @Anne Laurie: I’ve tried several methods of raising my legs, but it actually causes me more discomfort to do so.
    My problems stem from too many years playing sports (especially golf and tennis), motorcycle accidents, and just poor sleeping habits.

    According to the current research I’ve found, herniated discs often resolve themselves within 1-6 months and only 10-15% actually require surgery.

    Unfortunately the interim period, for me, involves bolts of pain shooting down from my back into my butt, hip, thigh and calf whenever I cough, sneeze, laugh or move just an inch in the wrong direction.

    I just started having acupuncture treatments last week and, after 2
    sessions, I’ve seen more improvement than anything else I’ve tried.

    Again, AL, thanks very much for your helpful comments.

  119. 119.

    Steeplejack

    @cbear:

    You might look into Thai massage. It was the only thing that helped me when I had a long, near-incapacitating bout of sciatica.

  121. 121.

    Ruckus

    @cbear:
    Well the Dr. said it was a herniated disc. I should have been a little clearer when I said that I could feel my back line up, what I meant was the discs slip back into place. The reason most clear up in time is that if the back lines up and the discs slip back into place they can heal or at least take the pressure off the nerves. That is what sleeping on a fairly rigid surface allows for me and my back does not bother me as long as I sleep on a fairly rigid surface. Having traveled a bit since and having slept on less than decent mattresses a few nights I can say that it doesn’t take much to undo what the rigid surface does. And I understand first hand the inability to do simple things, like standing up or moving without intense pain, like on the scale of 8-10. When first diagnosed I could not even stand up. I hope that you find out what works for you, I was lucky that I did.

  122. 122.

    cbear

    @Ruckus: Thanks for the kind wishes Ruck—as I said, I’m starting to see some results from the acupuncture and hope it continues.
    Have a good Memorial Day.

  126. 126.

    Maude

    @Ruckus:
    #113
    I have a mattress that is hard as a rock. I have an egg foam. and two quilts on it.
    I don’t sink into the mattress and it is so comfortable.
    If you get a hard mattress, you can adjust the padding.

  129. 129.

    fuckwit

    Uh, when I looked at it, I also wonderered why she’s letting you fondle her ass, also too.

  130. 130.

    fuckwit

    @Anne Laurie: It also depends on what you consider attractive and pretty and sexy.

    Men and women have laughably different ideas of what that is.

    I had a friend who had the most outrageously fantastic body imaginable. Skinny, with enormous boobs. She was smart, nice, and pretty enough, somewhat neurotic, nerdy in a good way, sexually openminded and not hung up, a good friend to many, but that body… so she attracted these super studly good-looking, almost model-looking guys, way above what she considered to be her league, and had no idea why. She said “well, I guess it’s because of my personality!”. Uh, no, it’s not your personality.

    I’ve known guys who weren’t that great-looking but who boned women who were way, way above their league. Didn’t figure it out until fairly recently when I got older and got over some of my youthful homophobia, and now I can appreciate the beauty of a good-looking man: and these dudes had beautiful eyes. Women seem irrationally and disproportionately attracted to guys with great eyes the way men are irrationally and disproportionately attracted to women with great boobs. The guys obviously didn’t know it, they just thought they were so goddamned awesome. But it was the eyes. The women they dated were stunning, and, I suspect, taken in by those eyes.

    The few women I’ve dated above my league were charmed by my voice. I ain’t much to look at, but I did time in radio. At the time I was aware of the advantages of that attribute, and actively maximized them.

    Oh, finally, the modern era: ass. Seems like many on the M team are all about the ass these days. I once worked with a woman who was about a 2 who clearly thought she was a 10. The men she dated were pretty studly way, and above her league. There was much gossiping around the office about this. Why? One hell of a bubble ass. (Hint: the men she dated tended to be Irish, British, and African-American).

  132. 132.

    Thymezone

    @cbear:

    “I’ve tried several methods of raising my legs”

    Where was a girl like you when I needed one??

    (I kid, I kid).

  134. 134.

    tams

    John Cole – I don’t even know what a bridge troll is… You’re just as handsome today as you were that day 11 years ago… And what a day that was. Probably a top 10 day for us! Think we should show the ‘Juicers’ the other pictures : ) P.S. I love you!

Comments are closed.