I completely forgot to update you all. She is fine and currently sitting on Walt’s feet as we watch True Blood.
Apparently she had a hot spot underneath her tail and was going at it, but I could never see it because Rosie’s butt is a no-go zone and will get her snarly if you try to go near it, and she had been walking around with her tail down tucked between her legs, so I couldn’t see it. At any rate, they gave her a cortisone shot and some antibiotics, expressed her anal glands, and cut her toenails, and she is back to normal and no longer giving me sad eyes.
A very well spent $80 bucks to have the piglet back in working order and not walking around giving me sadface all day, which is just really hard to deal with.
Redshirt
What is “expressing your anal glands”?
Yatsuno
Good News for Rosie. Good News for Dawgs. Also. Too.
Baud
@Redshirt:
Something like this.
Suzanne
@Redshirt: Dogs have two little glands next to their assholes that can get filled up with this vile pus-like stuff. If they get filled up, they hurt the dog, and then they typically drag their asses around on the floor trying to get it out. The vet or the groomer can express the stuff so their asses don’t hurt.
One time I took my cocker spaniel to the vet to have it done, and the vet squeezed so hard she shot herself right in the face with the stuff. She seemed fine. I threw up.
LanceThruster
Speaking of updates, at one point you were looking into adoption.
Suzanne
@Baud: LMMFAO.
magurakurin
way more detail about a dog’s butt than needed.
Just Some Fuckhead
TMI
Just One More Canuck
@Redshirt: @efgoldman: My ex used to do that to her dog (and insisted I help) – there are some experiences that no amount of alcohol will eliminate
Redshirt
“Expressing” being, what? Squeezing a couple of anal glands like zits?
Suzanne
@Redshirt: Yep. In a nutshell.
Mary G
Wow, that’s a lot of vet work for $80. Thanks for letting us know eventually.
Violet has been gone a couple of days; does anyone know if she’s OK?
Punchy
@Suzanne: Thats the funniest shit I’ve read here in years. Theres beer all over my Sammy S3…
Suzanne
@Punchy: I can laugh about it now. At the time, I was not laughing in the slightest.
I don’t like gross things.
wonkie
http://www.wikihow.com/Express-a-Dog%27s-Anal-Gland
Ten steps with pictures. BTW the directions say to do this with the dog’s butt aimed away .
SG
Oh gawd, those damned anal glands! My little beagle-mix Mollie had the clog problem a few times. Cats have anal glands that dispense a horrible funk stuff when they’re alarmed and those can get inflamed too. What is it with animals and anal glands?
Anyway, it’s good to hear that Rosie’s her old self again.
Suzanne
@efgoldman: if your lawn is anything like mine, your lawn is Dog Ass Central.
Comrade Mary
I’m glad to hear that Rosie is well, but y’all aren’t doing much to convince me to get back into being owned by a pet with all this anal gland talk. Best you stop right now.
MattR
@Mary G:
Yeah. I am currently having issues with blood in Ellie’s urine and this has me thinking I should drive her down to West Virginia for the rest of her care.
The Dangerman
Damn, I picked the wrong night to cook rump roast.
YoohooCthulhu
IIRC, humans have anal glands as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_gland#Humans
dmsilev
Speaking of dogs, the Obamas have a new puppy, another Portuguese Water Dog.
Dead Ernest
@Redshirt:
I believe it’s what the kids call blogging now days.
The Dangerman
@YoohooCthulhu:
If colonoscopy stories are forthcoming, I’m so outta here.
gogol's wife
This may be hard to believe, but this is not the first thread I’ve seen here in which the subject of expressing anal glands was given a frank and thorough discussion.
NotMax
@Redshirt
Worst talent exhibition ever in a Miss America pageant.
DCLaw1
New item for sale at Williamsburg farmers’ market: anal gland cheese.
Thomas
John, I’ll give you $100 if you never deploy the phrase “express anal glands” again. You seem to relish using it at every opportunity.
Baud
Voting Republican!
DCLaw1
Anal gland expression is protected under the First Amendment.
cbear
@Redshirt:
I dunno, but its probably good news for John McCain.
El Caganer
Did someone say “anal glands?” MMMMMM!!!!!!
http://www.snopes.com/food/ingredient/castoreum.asp
Just One More Canuck
@efgoldman: Damn – beat me to it
Suzanne
@DCLaw1: How awesome would it be if someone could get hipsters to eat it. Along with their artisanal sriracha.
Roy G.
Makes me think of the teh authoritarian’s reaction to Glenzilla, Snowbot and Assange. 11th dimensional anal glads, bitchez!
Phil Perspective
So Cole is watching True Blood instead of the Steelers? What kind of fan is he?
Just One More Canuck
@Suzanne: Well you can’t spell artisanal without anal
Suzanne
@Just One More Canuck: THAT should be a new rotating tag line.
DCLaw1
@Suzanne: Just emphasize that it’s not cool yet.
magurakurin
@DCLaw1:
that’s just nasty.
Yatsuno
@Comrade Mary:
I think it’s cute you think you have a say in the matter. Just for that a stray kitten will find you. Tomorrow. And Le Guy goes to the allergist.
@Suzanne:
I saw knockoff sriracha in the store the other day. After my horror was suppressed I got the shit in the rooster.
DCLaw1
@Just One More Canuck: Oh, you just helped invent the next synth indie band: “The Artisanal Glands.” First album: “Express Yourself,” featuring ironic Madonna covers.
Anne Laurie
Told ya, Cole!
Hey, if you had an itchy sore on your nethers, you’d probably do a pretty fair /sadface as well.
Since you like your vet (and he’s very reasonably priced!), you might want to avoid future worried weekends and just schedule regular butt-grooming sessions for Rosie every couple of months, y’know?
Also, our own AG-cursed dog Flicker died (age 14+, of hypopulminary failure) before we could fully test the hypothesis, but the specialty gastroenterology vet claimed that persistent anal-gland problems were a form of allergic response. So you might want to talk to your vet about changing Rosie’s diet, as well — at least switching away from the worst triggers for dogs, corn/HFCS and artificial dyes. (You’d be amazed how much ‘just a few’ brightly-colored sugar-bomb treats mean for twenty-pound dog… )
DCLaw1
@magurakurin: Some people think it’s gross, but it’s really good on toast…
El Caganer
We are all anal glands now.
Msskwesq
This thread is hysterical! My little puppy has chronic anal gland issues and have had to have it expressed often. Glad I’m not alone! That in your face story cracked me up!
Santa Fe
Raw food diet for your dogs – raw meaty bones – and you’ll never have to express anal glands again. Amazing what a diet of raw turkey necks and pork bones and various other meaty goodies do for the health of a dog. Makes their poop a lot easier to deal with too, and isn’t any more expensive than quality kibble.
Mnemosyne
@Thomas:
This is probably the one and only thing we will ever agree on.
JordanRules
LMAGO!!
Gordon, the Big Express Engine
My friend’s cat perfected the “scoot” – a kind of humping drag-ass move across the rug. It was one of those rope style throw rugs that clearly delivered a lot of relief in this department.
Just One More Canuck
@DCLaw1: What kind of crazy do you have to be to sit around thinking, “Ya know, I’ll bet that if i squeezed Fido’s anal glands, the goo that comes out would make for some good eating”. Who the hell was the first guy who id that?
policomic
Glad to hear the good news.
Santa Fe
@Gordon, the Big Express Engine: Yeah, a couple of our dogs have perfected the “scoot”. Makes me a little less willing to lay down on the rug.
Redshirt
@Just One More Canuck: All food is crazy, for the first person to try it. Who the hell invented and/or tried pudding for the first time, for example? Looks like expressed anal glands, after all!
Comrade Mary
@Yatsuno: Hmmph! We shall see if Intreped Kitten finds me. I am very good at hiding when necessary.
Mnemosyne
@Redshirt:
Who looked at a lobster and thought, I bet that thing is tasty inside if you boil it.
ruemara
@Baud: Win.
And, this has been the most disgusting thread ever. Thanks for the diet help.
Just One More Canuck
@Redshirt: All this talk is making me hungry
DCLaw1
Awesome. Can we talk about hamster balls now?
eemom
One of my late beloved doggies had that problem multiple times and finally had to have his anal glands amputated…..which didn’t present any problems as I recall.
Do doggie anal glands serve any biological purpose? Discuss.
wasabi gasp
Hard not to be nauseas down here.
Redshirt
@eemom: I don’t know, but now you’ve got me thinking about anal gland transplants. And more specifically, a team of vets rushing an anal gland to a recipient in a cooler. The Dick Cheney of dogs is put to the front of the recipient line, of course.
geg6
You know, you can cure that through diet. We feed our dogs hypoallergenic food (no corn, no additives). It’s pricier but we’ve never had this problem since we found the right kibble. Koda and Otis eat only Taste of the Wild with some Rachel Ray Delish mixed in. They thrive on that shit. Especially Otis, who has colitis. He shoves that stuff into his maw so fast, he sometimes chokes himself on it and needs thumped on the back. Koda get less of the Rachel Ray because she likes to crunch her food. They also get some pure pumpkin mixed in because it’s really great for dogs with allergies and digestive problems.
ranchandsyrup
Anal gland juice smells like fish sauce.
On a lighter but more orange note, my co-blogster’s latest in her “just the tip” series on self-tanning: http://ranchandsyrup.com/2013/08/19/the-good-the-orange-and-the-skunky/
SectionH
John Cole @ top:
So glad to hear Rosie’s ok! I have a cat who needed a cortisone shot for massive licking (on her leg, then her tum, but until last night I’d never seen the term “hot spot”, well in re cats. Damn, this is a great place to hang out.
Wow, vets are cheap in WV. We had 3 great vets in the Bluegrass over the years, and the last one wasn’t “cheap” but when we moved to San Diego, I went into sticker shock big time.
James Hare
Thanks for the update. Glad to hear Rosie is feeling better.
SectionH
@Mary G: This thread is comic gold. ;->
Felonius Monk
@Redshirt:
Well, for Rosie, it’s one thing; but for the B-J commentariat, it is what we frequently do here.
ETA: Glad to hear that Rosie is fine.
Suffern ACE
@DCLaw1: had em once off a street cart in NoHo, sold by a young man with a beard and a hat. The cart was surprisingly “pro” looking. Over branded. Looked like he hoped to expand to a chain someday and had invested there. I haven’t seen him since, so I don’t think the concept went anywhere.
They are ok. Kind of like duck tongue that’s been mixed with a little egg.
NotMax
Know deep down that had Mr. Cole taken a picture of the procedure, that one would be in crystal clear, hi-def focus.
PurpleGirl
@NotMax:
Worst talent exhibition ever in a Miss America pageant.
LOL. That’s a good one.
Redshirt
Yeah, all this expressing of anal glands has hidden the truth that in the thread below Cole claims to be the only person watching the entire Steelers preseason game, but in this thread he’s already watching “True Blood” with good friend Walt and a bunch of expressed anal glands.
Something don’t add up!
Mnemosyne
Went for a quick walk around the block because I was coming up over 1,000 steps short for the day and, man, it was like canine rush hour out there. I probably got sniffed by 6 dogs. Which made me think of this app that I keep meaning to tell people about:
Map My Dogwalk
Yes, Android fans, there’s a version for you, too.
Belafon
OT: Not that I would expect John to enforce this, but Changing IP address to access public website ruled violation of US law.
Punchy
I figured anal glands were the adrenal and pancreas of a librarian….
Suzanne
@Yatsuno: My ex-husband has a VERY inappropriate nickname he came up with for sriracha. He surmises that sriracha is the Vietnamese populace’s revenge on the US for fucking up their country during the war. He said, “What better way to get back at a country than to make them poop lava?”
He’s my EX-husband for a few reasons.
SectionH
@ranchandsyrup: Well, yes, but much, much worser.
When I was about 13, our vet taught me how to deal with my dog’s anal glands. (Anyone remember the “James Herriott” bit about Flop Bot? I love that description.)
James Hare
@El Caganer: I knew there was a reason that I found those artificial flavorings disgusting.
mclaren
That’s just so cool that Rosie doesn’t have arthritis. A minor problem, easily fixed. Yay!
ranchandsyrup
@SectionH: Probably the worsterest.
Flop bot?
MikeJ
@Belafon: Good. It shouldn’t matter how good the technical means to keep you out are, merely that they exist. Otherwise you’re telling people that if they don’t replace their front door with the door from a bank vault it’s ok for people to break in.
Jane2
@Mnemosyne: Re Australian washable wool pillows…they’re fab! And they have a side zipper so you can adjust the fill to your liking. I got them from here…the owner is great and knows his allergies and linens.
ranchandsyrup
I’m a bot for saying this, but Bo got a sister. http://gawker.com/meet-sunny-the-newest-member-of-the-first-family-1169212004
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Suzanne: what’s funny about that is that it’s actually Thai in origin.
MikeJ
@ranchandsyrup: I think you mean,”Obama targeting Portuguese for enslavement.”
ranchandsyrup
@MikeJ: They’re only half portuguese, I’d wager. The other half is commie and the 3rd half is fascist.
Narcissus
@Suzanne: …well, I didn’t need my appetite this week anyhow
trollhattan
@Mary G:
I think it costs eighty just driving past our vet’s parking lot.
Suzanne
I am thinking about crowdfunding my student loan repayment, as my husband and I committed the grievous sin of being born working-class. Anyone had any experience with CrowdfundEDU?
Suzanne
@Narcissus: I should come back to this thread when I need help sticking to my diet.
karen marie
@Santa Fe: pork bones give my dogs explosive diarrhea.
max
@NotMax: Know deep down that had Mr. Cole taken a picture of the procedure, that one would be in crystal clear, hi-def focus.
As long as he doesn’t confuse the stuff with mustard, he’s probably doing OK.
max
[‘Ya know, I hear pit bull anal glands are really aggressive….’]
divF
For those of you keeping score at home, the recurring themes so far for this thread are
(1) Glad Rosie is ok (overwhelming favorite)
(2) Too Much Information.
(3) Way Too Much Information.
(4) Food jokes that are in dubious taste (a distant fourth, thank the FSM).
Comrade Mary
@karen marie: My cat’s breath smells like — oh, WAIT ….
/blows kisses at Yutsy
Avery Greynold
The video? Two girls one cup didn’t faze me. Horse hygiene (smegma) is a bit squeamish. But this time I was squinting and backing away from my screen. I swear it enabled my computer’s Smell-O-Vision.
CaseyL
Ah, anal glands. Takes me back a few years, to a vet who told me my kitties needed to have theirs expressed regularly. The cats didn’t seem to mind, one way or the other, but none of my kitties since then seem to have had any problem with theirs.
I think the anal glands are what adds scent to urine, for marking territory when cats (and, presumably, dogs) spray. IIRC, removing the glands doesn’t make the spray less stinky, but does remove the magic ingredient that gives the stink its special staying power.
I’ve never heard that humans have anal glands. It’s not something I really want to know for sure, either.
I’m glad to hear Rosie’s OK and will soon be her usual JRT-devil self.
Mnemosyne
Also, too, I find it amusing that AL posted her thing about “oversharing” and you promptly told us all about Rosie’s anal glands. Well played, sir.
Mnemosyne
@CaseyL:
I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that humans had some kind of anal glands — mammals are mammals are mammals, and we’re all built along approximately the same lines, even if most of humans lose our tails in the fetal stage. I would prefer not to know, though.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Redshirt: “What is “expressing your anal glands”? “
It’s when a Republican says something.
I’m glad to hear the doggie is doing well and that she can resume her terrorist-related activities!
The Dangerman
@Mnemosyne:
Ya know, this could be Rush Limbaugh’s underlying problem; maybe he just needs to have his glands expressed.
Suzanne
I am sitting in my room all by myself laughing at this.
Good Lord.
BillinGlendaleCA
@The Dangerman:
You do know what Rushbo got his medical draft deferment for?
JCT
@BillinGlendaleCA: I did my med school clinical training in a NY public hospital – 25 years later I can still remember the horror of dressing pilonidal cysts on the surgical service.
Somehow fitting for that slime bag .
Odie Hugh Manatee
Patton Oswalt trolls Twitter.
Tis a thing of beauty..
Mnemosyne
I felt silly doing it, but I walked back and forth in my apartment until I got the forty-freakin’-five steps I needed to get to today’s 10,000 on my Fitbit.
Yeesh. I complain about my boss calling me every five minutes to help her with something in her office, but when she’s out, my step count definitely goes down.
YellowJournalism
@Odie Hugh Manatee: When Twitter first started getting popular, Ashton Kutcher was declared king of Tweets. History will show that title belongs to Oswalt, if History even gives a shit.
YellowJournalism
@El Caganer: Just remember to express yourself in private.
notorious JRT
Glad Rosie is on the mend!
SectionH
@ranchandsyrup: Doggie scraping his butt along the carpet because his anal glands were full and bothering him. Herriott* (his pen name) was a real vet who was describing something an elderly Lady in the 1930’s recognized in her dog, but had to find a “polite” expression for. Oooo, kind of like “expressing those glands”.
*All Creatures Great & Small… gee, I feel antiquated…
Ruckus
@Avery Greynold:
If your smell o vision had been activated you would not have squirmed away. You would have run away screaming.
Anne Laurie
@SectionH: Can’t remember the lady’s name, but the Peke who’d “go flop bott” was Tricky-woo!
Joseph Nobles
From the wikihow link: “Increasing a dog’s fiber intake (with something like canned pure pumpkin) can help the dog to express its own anal glands normally, reducing the need to do this yourself.”
Cookie Monster
@Anne Laurie: Mrs Pumphrey.
p
i adore your self-doubting curiously sensitive heart.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Joseph Nobles:
That and they’ll crap little pumpkin pies!
Botsplainer
Jesus, Cole, have your dogs groomed annually and it is never a problem.
Nancy Irving
@Redshirt:
Ask Jonah Goldberg.
T. Scheisskopf
I love a happy ending.
Paul in KY
@Mnemosyne: Back in early days (1700s), beaches were covered with them. People used them as fertilizer. Had no idea you could eat them.
Paul in KY
@The Dangerman: via dynamite. Would feel sorry for poor devil that had to place dynamite.
Manyakitty
@Suzanne: OOH! Let me know how that works out! My student loans are going to drive me into an early grave.
LongHairedWeirdo
Obvious advice: *now* is the time to try to train Rosie that her butt doesn’t have to be a no-go zone. Get her to let you examine while it *doesn’t* hurt, and you’ll know more about when it does.
(It’s like: play with cats’ paws and make the claws pop out so they’re used to it *before* you’re trying to trim their claws.)
J R in WV
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
I’m pretty sure it originated on the west coast of N America. There are Thai sauces that are similar, but Sriracha isn’t from Thailand at all.
StringOnAStick
@Jane2: Hey, thanks for the link on the wool pillows, and everything else at that site. Last fall we got a memory foam mattress pad, and all winter I loved it but in the summer it holds so much heat I find it shortens how long I can sleep. Maybe wool is a better choice for that.
You never know what you’ll learn at BJ….
nick velvet
Flea dirt, and fleas. They (fleas) like biting back there, its just out of reach of tooth and claw. thats why its sensitive. I haven’t read thru ALL the responses, Im sure Im not the first to say this.
Larkspur
@dmsilev: @ranchandsyrup: You two, thanks for the White House “Bo Has A Side-Kick” story. Delightful.Here she is
Sunny.
Kay S
@Gordon, the Big Express Engine:
Our doggie would scrape her butt across the carpet and then turn around and sniff the spot…self-diagnosis!
Singing Truth to Power
My cat had a ruptured anal gland two years ago. Yup, visualize a gaping hole. The vet flushed it, and it healed in a flash. I still cringe imagining how much that must have hurt. No pre-rupture scooting either. Vet prescribed a higher-fiber kibble, and that seems to have fixed it. I do not want to talk about this again.