Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

The revolution will be supervised.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Cooking / Hail Seitan! (Cookbook Giveaway)

Hail Seitan! (Cookbook Giveaway)

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Happy Almost-Halloween, Juicers!

I present, in all his dark majesty, the Vegan Black Metal Chef:

I love this guy! And I love his cookbook because he explains exactly what to do AND what not to do AND why. It’s a great cookbook for anyone, but especially newbie cooks.

the-seitanic-spellbook-ebook-cover-223x300

Like any good seitanist, the VBMC craves the harvest of innocent souls. And so he’s gifting a cookbook to one lucky Juicer. Simply leave a comment and I’ll use a random number generator to select the lucky sacrif—winner.

Only comment once or you’ll be disqualified. OT posters will be damned to ride the It’s a Small World boat for eternity. If you win, I’ll notify you at the email address attached to your comment name.

Edit: You can comment any time through till midnight tonight (Eastern time).

Reader Interactions

118Comments

  10. 10.

    Barbara

    Would love to send it to my daughter, a dedicated vegan now for 8 years, but is still finding her way in the kitchen.

  12. 12.

    leeleeFL

    He’s pretty amazing! Thanks for sharing this. My Daughter and I are vegan and I didn’t know about VBMC!

  13. 13.

    La Caterina (Mrs. Johannes)

    I could use a Seitanic cookbook to balance out my vegan cookbook from Angelica’s Kitchen!

  16. 16.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    Damn there’s a lot of vegans at BJ. I am a lacto-vegetarian. I don’t know how I could give up ice cream,yogurt and cheese. And no soygurt and soyicecream is not the same.

  17. 17.

    Jay Essel

    OMG, I’ve been stumbling around in VeganWorld for years due to DH’s health issues, how did I never hear of this guy? I’m in!

  18. 18.

    Montanareddog

    I’m a vegetarian; 20+ years now. And I loathe eggplant, fresh tomatoes and seitan. Not easy being a picky eater with rules to follow. Is this an open thread? Sitting on a bar terrace in Bangalore watching the first of the Deepavali (Diwali) fireworks.

  23. 23.

    Montanareddog

    Did I say that India is the dog’s bollocks for vegetarians? How could anyone crave meat when plants can be so tasty?

  24. 24.

    Ascap_scab

    Not a vegan, but willing to give seitan a try. Watched the video all the way through. Good gimmic. Held my attention, which (witch) is not easy to do.

  30. 30.

    Montanareddog

    n UK slang terms the “dog’s bollocks” means the best. It comes from the habit of male dog’s licking their testicles (bollocks) and that they must taste good as they spend so much time in this activity.

    Point being male dogs don”t eat ’em. They just make the best of ’em, teabagger style

  36. 36.

    Wilson Heath

    I’m a practicing seitanist but not quite a devout one yet. But maybe it’s all just for shock value, scaring the gluten free by whipping out the wheat meat. Either way, I’m in.

  40. 40.

    bemused senior

    Not a vegan but trying to save the planet and smart animals by eating lower on the food chain, so put my name in the hat.

  49. 49.

    Older

    This is wonderful! I almost ordered it on the spot. But these days I have to be careful about books. Not too many, and not too expensive. I’m still thinking about it though. Gonna subscribe to the videos though.

  52. 52.

    Citizen_X

    Brutal! ALL HAIL VEGAN BLACK METAL CHEF. May his fervent legions forever rule the dark mists here below, in a cruelty-free fashion.

    I will add that the only acceptable flesh is HUMAN, and that that food is reserved solely for the Elder Gods!

  54. 54.

    Irate1

    Unfortunately, my girlfriend badly reacts to it, bigly.
    So, no Flied Garlic for her.
    But, I hadn’t considered runes…

  60. 60.

    catdevotee

    I took a look at this book on Amazon and it looks amazing! It’s getting rave reviews, too! My doctor convinced me to eat a mostly vegan diet, so I’d love to have the book!

  65. 65.

    evap

    I’m not vegan, but I have given up eating any kind of dairy and my diet is now about 95% vegan. I would love to add this cookbook to my collection!

  66. 66.

    dr. luba

    Not “It’s a Small World”……….isn’t there some Geneva Convention against even mentioning that earworm?

  70. 70.

    dr. luba

    Am disqualifying myself, since the last thing I need in this house in yet another cookbook………better it should go to someone who can appreciate it.

    And I really, really hate Small World…….

  75. 75.

    Eugene in Eugene

    I’d be interested in seeing how it compares to Dana Carvey’s 1998 vegan cookbook, Could It Be Seitan?

  78. 78.

    CapnMubbers

    Seitan, satisfying and can be mmm (see Vegan with a Vengeance, Isa Chandra Moskowitz, long-time staple in my kitchen).

  89. 89.

    tarragon

    And I’ll post a second time to disqualify myself. My wife pointed to the book sitting in a stack all of 6 inches from my monitor. She was in on the kickstarter.

    She tells me that while she appreciates the sentiment…

  93. 93.

    Argiope

    I’ve dabbled in seitanism, but need help if I’m ever to become a true master. One recipe involving seitan with orange sauce wasn’t bad, but I need to up my seitanic game. Here’s hoping.

  96. 96.

    JAFD

    Trivia question of the day: Seven Saints, a Virgin, a Dirty Devil and a Little Snake, Dolores, and Bill Williams are among the guests at a Halloween party – Yes or No ?

    If not, then what group are they part of ?

  105. 105.

    tarragon

    For people actually reading the comments…

    More excellent vegan cookbooks are the the Thug Kitchen cookbooks. A lot of their recipes have made it into our regular meal plans

  108. 108.

    MaxUtil

    We could use a good vegan cookbook in the house, living with some folks with digestive disorders…

  110. 110.

    andy

    His christmas episode was classic! Not a vegan myself, but appreciate what he’s doing since almost every vegan I know would rather cook out of cardboard boxes, which is an interesting irony..

  112. 112.

    Jeff

    Long time reader and veggietarian. Incredibly brilliant way to convert folk to not eating meat. Wish I thought of it.

  114. 114.

    OzarkHillbilly

    Edit: You can comment any time through till midnight tonight (Eastern time).

    Uh huh, uh huh…. Figures, this contest is rigged, RIGGED I tell you, against commenters who are only able to visit Balloon Juice in the AM hours. A lot of crooked Hillary fans hang out here, I’ll bet.

  116. 116.

    JAFD

    In case you’re still baffled, they are rivers, tributaries of the Colorado. (So I’m a geography buff – ya gotta problem with that…)

  117. 117.

    Hanna Confer

    I love the vegan black metal chef. I’d like to win this book but I’ll definitely be purchasing it if I don’t! ??

Comments are closed.