Even a king sized bed is not big enough for me to have a decent sized area to sleep:
It’s like he pulled some Pythagoras out of his ass just to get himself smack dab in the middle.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.
Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.
Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.
We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.
If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.
Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.
Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.
If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.
When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.
Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.
Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.
I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.
Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.
JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?
Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.
In my day, never was longer.
if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.
Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.
Hot air and ill-informed banter
Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.
Battle won, war still ongoing.
Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.
A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.
Technically true, but collectively nonsense
John Weiss
John, it’s just what they do. You just have to poke ’em now and again.
Comrade Mary
Steve looks very nice. And I love the pattern on the comforter/duvet cover/whatever.
Mnemosyne
Our late cat Natasha was convinced that we should divide fhe bed up evenly — there are three of us, we each get one-third of the bed, what’s the problem? The fact that two of us were full-grown humans was immaterial.
Aleta
He sure looks comfortable though.
D58826
Sally Yates for director of fbi
Steeplejack
They take only a third of the bed, but they take it right out of the middle. Feline geometry.
Dogs, too, although in my experience you can push them around a little more than you can a cat.
GregB
Kitty-burrito. Cute.
Aleta
@Steeplejack: The diagonal bed cross is a silent killer.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
@Steeplejack: I don’t know. Dogs don’t fight for room on the bed; they just kind of somehow magically become fifteen times heavier and stick better to the bed when you want to shove them out of the way a little. I have no clue how they do this.
Luthe
No matter how large the bed and how small (or large) the cat, the feline will always occupy the maximal amount of space.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
On a random note, has anybody else seen this weird ad for Jagyoowars lately with this creepy British guy whispering shit like “Seeing… hearing… feeling… stirrrring…”? Sometimes I don’t know what ad agencies are thinking with these ads. It’s like having Voldemort try to sell you a car…
opiejeanne
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.): The Jag-you-arrr ads are all pretty creepy. The one with the white cat at the end? I want to scoop that kitty up and get it away from the car.
scav
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.): Indeed, and the black lab of my experience had a feline ability to find the exact center of the bed (one night I ended up parallel with the pillows in a determined attempt at horizontal sleep).
Mnemosyne
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
Yes, but cats have sharp, needle-like claws, and they aren’t afraid to use them.
NotMax
Bed cat’s theme song?
efgoldman
OK all you cat people, riddle me this.
Cat weighs at most 15-20 pounds
Most human adults are considerably bigger and stronger.
If you lift one edge of the covers really quickly, cat falls off the other side.
You shoo it out of the room and close the door,
Unless your cat has opposable thumbs, that’s it.
No?
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
Ex’s cat didn’t need that much space. She slept on my feet. Every night.
Biscuits
Steve is glorious.
Ruckus
@efgoldman:
As people have mentioned, they have claws and aren’t afraid to use them. As a first line of offense. They will draw blood, just to let you know that they can.
HumboldtBlue
Watch the Republican congress save Trump!
catbirdman
OMG almost killed my 18-year-old tabby, Jeremiah, today. He’s on my lap now, so can’t talk out loud while typing this, but at 0530 this morning he came into my bed after having stepped in his own shit, which he doesn’t bother to bury any more, and traipsed crap and litter across my white sheets while belting out his loudest meows. So smelly, so close to death. He’s fine now — was so aware of his own crapulence that he let me clean his paws with Lysol wipes.
efgoldman
@Ruckus:
That’s the point of flipping it off the bed using the covers, Element of surprise, plus leverage.
?BillinGlendaleCA
As I passed through the local mall tonight, I saw this.
Mnemosyne
@efgoldman:
Only if the cat is completely asleep and laying on its side, and only if you have the reflexes of the Flash. Otherwise, kitty digs its claws into the bedspread and hangs on, and you have to decide between letting the bedspread get torn by the aforementioned needle-sharp claws as the cat scrabbles to stay on or lowering it again.
ETA: A helpful illustration.
efgoldman
@HumboldtBlue: That part wasn’t in Make Way for Ducklings
Ruckus
@efgoldman:
Ahhh grasshopper, you forget first rule of cats. Bastards remember a lot more than one might assume. There will come a time soon when you’ve forgotten the cover lift and door slam. That’s when they remember, about 5 seconds after you have forgotten.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne: This is why I have dogs.
efgoldman
Thought experiment: What if Pavlov had used cats instead of dogs.
NotMax
@efgoldman
History would know him as Old Scartissue?
efgoldman
@NotMax:
Weren’t the dogs for the experiments in cages?
Mnemosyne
@efgoldman:
We would know a lot more about how to train humans, but not much about how to train cats.
ETA: Obligatory viral video.
Gex
@efgoldman: Then the cat spends the rest of the night pushing objects off of surfaces, waking you up and sometimes breaking things.
NotMax
@Mnemosyne
What, no you know who?
cckids
@Mnemosyne:
Two of my cats feel this way; there are two of them & one of me, they are being magnanimous to split the bed 50/50. The fact that their 50% runs down the center of the bed is my problem, not theirs.
Mnemosyne
@NotMax:
Somehow, I am not surprised.
There’s a whole “Hamilton As Dogs” Twitter account, though, so it’s fair to say that, in this case, the dog owners are crazier.
Emerald
@catbirdman:
Awwww. Hope Jeremiah stays as happy as he can. Sweet kitty. He can’t help it, but he’s coming to you because he knows you can.
Major Major Major Major
Aww, Steve, what a cutie!
I’ve decided to spend the evening in playing WoW. We had teambuilding exercises all week(!) at work so I’m spent.
Ever since I got a drawing tablet for my birthday last week (thanks family!) I’ve been doing a character sketch a day to get back into the swing of things and pick back up the skills I haven’t used in about ten years. Here’s a bust from today, I’d say I’m making progress!
Steeplejack
@Major Major Major Major:
Nice sketch.
Major Major Major Major
@Steeplejack: Thanks. I used to draw a webcomic back in the day, I had readers and everything, but long story short I stopped. I’ve got a half-rough-storyboarded standalone graphic novel in cold storage that I might try fleshing out. First things first though, remembering how to draw the characters!
Major Major Major Major
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Samwise lets you pick him up. Such a gentleman.
seaboogie
@efgoldman: We would never have heard of Pavlov, and his cats would publish their own paper – or not – after their nap.
seaboogie
@Major Major Major Major: well done!
seaboogie
@Mnemosyne: Hamilton as cats would be an nth level of cray…would probably involve knitting, also too (not you, just saying…?)
Daveed as a dog would be…? (I’m ruminating…)
EBT
So I decided to start cranking out basic concept art with my mouse and MSpaint. Out of the 1115 sections of text I have, currently 125 of them now have accompanying “art”. Also implemented this cool thing for enemy mob art where it will pop in superimposed over the section art, but with a transparent background to it. I think it looks cool. Well would if my art wasn’t sub trash.
Ian
Have you tried locking him in the purple room for a few hours?
opiejeanne
@efgoldman: For one thing, people who like cats like their cats. What you’re proposing will create an unhealthy relationship between cat and their human. We sometimes have to move our cat out of way on the couch or the bed which works fine.
Besides, I don’t want my cat yowling outside my bedroom door for hours and I don’t want her marking our furniture.
AnotherBruce
@Mnemosyne: You miss the point. The real danger is that Cats will learn how to train humans. Which is proven by your video.
sm*t cl*de
@efgoldman:
Mrs Spat is only half Maine Coon, and weighs 8 kg. You may be misunderestimating the bulk of Steve.
Mrs Spat at right.
Betty Cracker
@Major Major Major Major: Cool! What app do you use?
ET
@efgoldman: yeah no that doesn’t work. Guilt is a silent killer. That or the fact that you do know that despite the opposable thumbs, that they still have the upper hand some how.
kindness
What a big guy he is. Real pretty even shaved. If I had a Maine Coon out here in the Central Valley I’d have to have the poor thing shaved 1/2 the year. Gets too hot for thick coats like that.
Luthe
@efgoldman: And then the night is filled with unearthly meowing for the entire time you are trying to sleep.
dance around in your bones
Just consult this map for your human boundaries:
http://mysteryreadersinc.blogspot.com/2011/08/cartoon-of-day-cats-map-of-bed.html
(But seriously, my cats would act disgruntled when I moved them but quickly settled into the new paradigm, only draping themselves across my head later when I was safely slumbering ;)
laura
Big Kiki is big.
Those toes, that pelt, that indolent stretch maximizing comfort, what a sensuous big Kiki!
Shell
That picture should be next to the dictionary entry for “Bliss.”
steverinoCT
When my cats grew too big to lie against my arms as I tucked them under the pillow, they moved to lying against my legs, one on each side. When I got another kitten, it then was: Kitten on one side, Cat A in the middle, Cat B on the other side. Cat B was intolerant and would take random swipes at Kitten, so this arrangement was necessary. Once when I was ill, I was under the covers plus a comforter, and wanted to turn over. I slid out from under, turned over, and slid back in the grooves, without disturbing the cats. They were very supportive while I was under the weather.
When I got married, it became easy: she doesn’t like any animals, so bye-bye kitties, alas. Now SHE hogs the bed.
No One You Know
@GregB: It’s a Purrito when it’s wrapped up.