Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

The words do not have to be perfect.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Bark louder, little dog.

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

This blog will pay for itself.

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

Let there be snark.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Another Antique Find!

Another Antique Find!

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I found an item I liked on cragislist that was super cheap and really close, but man was it an odyssey getting it even though it was only 40 minutes away. For starters, the address was XXXX Brush Run Road in Washington, PA, but I programmed XXX Brush Run Road in Avella into my Waze, so when I got to the house, in the middle of absolute nowhere and got out of my car, it looked like a flop house. This was on the door:

There was a dog barking, Bowie was cranking from the inside, and it looked like something out of a horror movie, but I knocked anyway, not knowing I was at the wrong address. I gave up after a minute, went back to my car, looked at Waze, and realized my error, and tried to program the new address into the phone.

No cell service. Rather than just backtracking and going home and saying to hell with it, I visualized where I was in conjunction to Washington, PA, and just drove my car in that direction figuring I would get cell service soon enough. It was ten miles, and to set the tone I was listening to Tom Waits because why the fuck not if you are going to die you are going to die.

Finally got Waze programmed, and got about 3 miles from my destination after a half hour of back roads, and was heading down a road called Potato Run Road, which had the most beautiful old barns and rundown brick farmhouse and… the bridge was out. Like completely out, big barricades, road closed, etc. Tried to reroute but all waze wanted me to do was keep trying to take different backroads that led me back to the bridge, so I just said to hell with it and took every side road I could leading in the right general direction. Another twenty minutes later, and I got my piece:

It’s really beautiful. I’m researching how to polish the marble, and man is it heavy. I bet it is at least 50 lbs. And the nice thing is is that it is not attached, so I can put it on the counter for making bread/pasta, whatever. It was only 60 bucks, too.

At any rate, got back on the road, and I was getting thirsty so I stopped at a little backwoods diner/deli, a little rundown place, but all I wanted was a drink, so I went in. There was no one there! I went into the kitchen and out back and downstairs into the basement to make sure an old timer who ran the place hadn’t fallen/been robbed/died, and it was just completely empty. In the cooler they had some frozen containers of stuffed pepper soup, but I didn’t have the right change, so I just wrote a note on a napkin- “no one was here- here’s two bucks for the coke I took.”

As I was walking out, the owner returned (he’d run down the holler to borrow some tools from his neighbor), and I told him I just left him a note and some money but I really wanted some stuffed pepper soup to take home, too, and he was super nice and gave me two containers for the price of one for being honest and having to wait. SCORE!

At any rate, Tammy and Brian and their two dogs left, and I had Carlo and Christion come over and pick up a boatload of leftovers because I am sick of everything, so the house feels super quiet and the fridge looks back to normal and I can actually find things in it now and don’t have to worry about stuff toppling out every time I open it. I feel like there is a sense of normalcy, but it is really quiet.

On the upside, I can not stress how nice it is to be walking around in boxer shorts, an old t-shirt, and slippers again. Think I am going to finish this series “Godless” on Netflix and maybe go to bed early. You?

Reader Interactions

69Comments

  2. 2.

    amygdala

    Nice piece of marble, and yeah, it’s great for all things involving dough.

    Flying to Berlin tomorrow. I guess I should pack.

  3. 3.

    Mnemosyne

    I have 6 episodes of “The Good Place” to go to finish the first season. I already know what the big twist is, and I’m starting to suspect one of the smaller twists, but it’s still a really fun show. Kristen Bell is good at being a horrible person who is still redeemable.

  5. 5.

    David Anderson

    Playing mindless apps as the kids sleep in the hotel room and my wife is out with some girlfriends

    Trying to guess if I can watch the Pens game

  6. 6.

    donnah

    Perserverence pays off! I’m glad your excursion had a satisfying result, John.

    I hosted twelve for Thanksgiving, which went well and everyone was fed and happy. For me, the best part of the whole holiday was having all three of my sons home. We ate, played games, (Zombiecide, Bang, Carcassone, Citadels) and ate leftovers and snacks the whole time. The time we have together goes so quickly. And when it’s over, it’s bittersweet.

    But there is Christmas coming along soon and we will hopefully all be together again. I hope everyone else enjoyed their holidays.

  7. 7.

    Mnemosyne

    @raven:

    We have AppleTV, so we’re watching it on Netflix.

    Since you guys are getting into Filmstruck, you might enjoy the new mockumentary series “Documentary Now!” will Bill Hader and Fred Arminsen. They tell you in the description which movies they’re parodying so you can watch them first. If you’ve never seen Grey Gardens, you won’t get why the parody they came up with is both hilarious and the kind of thing one started to wonder while watching the original.

  10. 10.

    Steeplejack

    On the upside, I can not stress how nice it is to be walking around in boxer shorts, an old t-shirt, and slippers again.

    Ah, the geezer lifestyle. This is why efgoldman and some of the rest of us have debates about the pros and cons of “putting on pants” and “going out” and such.

  15. 15.

    Steeplejack

    @ThresherK:

    Well, you have to accessorize for your specific lifestyle and demographic. I’m a boxer-briefs guy for domestic loungeware myself, alternating with some long Lycra athletic pants that are so old that disintegration may actually become a possibility. My version of Nanking trousers, in the Jack Aubrey sense.

    The important thing is what makes you comfortable.

  16. 16.

    Corner Stone

    I will never understand the desire to cluster up spaces where the owner is the ultimate fucking klutz. That windowsill does not need 30in of marble jutting out of it at mid-thigh level.
    It’s like you want to go back to the ER.

  17. 17.

    StringOnAStick

    Since it is record-breaking warm here we are going rock climbing at a new location for us, likely the last chance this year unless we are a lot farther along the hockey stick graph than I thought. Half the time we’ve already been back country skiing by now but its been dry, dry, dry. There might be red flag fire warnings in some areas tomorrow if the wind really picks up.

  18. 18.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et Al.)

    This shit right here is what makes this the best blog on the interwebs.

  22. 22.

    Some Dude

    I picked up a nice table/lamp last weekend. I threw an LED light bulb into the top and three small night light bulbs in the base and found it works beautifully. Lampshade hunting on the other hand, hasn’t been as productive – the old one is…old, and replacements aren’t cheap. Le sigh – first world problems.

  24. 24.

    The Simp in the Suit

    @Corner Stone: Along similar lines, I’m wondering which big toe Cole is going to drop the 50 lb marble toe crusher on. Left or right?

    Man, I’m going to lose sleep over this one.

    OTOH, stuffed pepper soup does sound good.

  29. 29.

    Dia

    Waiting to see Justice League. I know, I know, but it’s going to be a visual spectacle and I worship at the church of Josh Wheedon

  30. 30.

    burnspbesq

    Aaaaand … Duke is bowl-eligible.

    All you SEC athletic directors who didn’t think David Cutcliffe could coach … riiiiiiight.

  32. 32.

    J R in WV

    Great adventure chasing that old table.

    The sign is great, glad they couldn’t hear you knocking on the door. Bridge out is also pretty funny…

    Then the table is sweet AND cheep. Other’s advice about knee high table in crowded space seems wise to me. We have a wide open space, still fill it up and trip on stuff. Now I use a flashlight after bedtime so I don’t trip on shit I can’t even see!!! Red light so as to not mess up my night vision. Carry it everywhere when we travel.

  34. 34.

    Nicole

    Put up my stepmom’s Christmas tree- she’s mixed about it, as it’ll be only the second Christmas without Dad, but we know Dad would have wanted it put up; he loved Christmas. I found on YouTube the Christmas album he always played while we decorated the tree when I was little- The Partridge Family Christmas Card (DO NOT JUDGE). Felt strange, listening to David Cassidy’s voice and thinking he and Dad are both gone now. But the 7-year-old had an excellent time, decorating the tree, and it was nice to pass the tradition along to him.

    Though holy cow, the album’s version of “Frosty the Snowman” makes it seem like Frosty had Seasonal Affective Disorder. I remember I was 8 or 9 before I realized it’s supposed to be a happy ditty; not just a tragedy about a snowman trying to find some joy before he melted.

  36. 36.

    Duane

    You’re gonna carry that 50 pound piece to make dough? Yeah, if I had those contertops I’d want to cover them, too.

  40. 40.

    Corner Stone

    @zhena gogolia: Dear Sovereign-Citizen Intelligencer,
    I never thought I would be writing to you today with such a detailed report. But sexy patriots can be found all across our great land!
    It all started when I went looking for a kneecap crusher…

  41. 41.

    Gin & Tonic

    We had two out of three children here with their SO’s since Wednesday night. A great time was had by all; it being beautiful here we corralled everyone and got to a lot of long-neglected yard cleanup, wood cutting/splitting/stacking, cleaning out the gutters, followed each day by a lot of food and drink. It was marvelous. Finished the long weekend off by attending the boat parade in Mystic. Now we’re home, everyone else is gone, the house is quiet, and there’s contentment in the air. Life is pretty good in this neck of the woods.

  42. 42.

    Aleta

    Wow that’s a beautiful side table and a truly great find on the marble.

    I have a small piece of marble I love for rolling out pie dough; I only wish it was as wide as the diameter of a pie. Or as big as pi r(pie) squared.

  45. 45.

    singing truth to power

    Loving Godless. I watched the first episode twice to absorb it all – very intense. I love that part of the country too – it was filmed near Lamy, New Mexico, not far south of Santa Fe. On my way back there soon –

  48. 48.

    geg6

    Quiet night with the pups, watching the National Dog Show and a Ron Howard doc about the Beatles’ early years touring, Eight Days a Week. Lovely end to the holiday and my birthday celebrations.

  50. 50.

    satby

    Younger son is still here, we went shopping for a jacket for him today then just hung out and watched a movie. He’s taking some leftovers when he leaves, thank god, so I won’t have to eat turkey all week. He’s leaving tomorrow, the foster cats are probably leaving Monday, and a semblance of peace will return to my world.

  54. 54.

    Mike in NC

    We’re about four episodes into “Godless” and it’s really excellent. Jeff Daniels in what must be his first villain role, and he crushes it. Michelle Dockery is fantastic as well.

  55. 55.

    Mike J

    @Aimai: I loved ST2. I was disappointed by things I saw writers saying about it. They were upset that 11 had to be written out of most of the series because she could solve the problem on her own. I thought sending her off to have her own adventure was the best part.

  57. 57.

    B.B.A.

    Oh, cool, all I had to do was put dots between my initials to escape the black hole.

    (Which I deserved, even if it was just FYWP being FYWP, and nothing to do with my recent nervous breakdown.)

  60. 60.

    Joshua Norton

    Dude, it’s an Eastlake base. That’s the Victorian version of IKEA. Machine made and pushed out in bulk. $60.00 is pretty much the top of the market.

  61. 61.

    NotMax

    Why carrying paper road maps is a Good Idea. They work just dandy, provide some exercise to the brain as opposed to following commands automaton-like, and don’t nag at you.

    Although knowing our esteemed host’s track record, he might sustain facial injury folding one up.

  62. 62.

    No Drought No More

    That marble looks good, especially by the windw.

    Seriously, Cole: I’ve carted a similar piece of marble around for a lot of years, that likewise weighs a ton. I’ve also nearly broke my toe (or toes) a few times after dropping it. You say yours is unsecured. You also write near-weekly accounts chronicling your incredibly accident prone ass and the damage you have most recently sustained. I’m sure you get my drift..

  63. 63.

    evodevo

    You might as well have been wandering around my mail route in Ky lololol When I first started running it back in the late 90’s there were a couple of TOTALLY derelict houses out there that families actually lived in. They made Ma and Pa Kettle’s look like Trump Tower. Our county has the big Toyota plant, so prosperity runneth over, and a lot of those places have been cleaned up or torn down, but I expect in Pennsyltucky they still abound… Oh, and Yeah, there IS STILL no phone service on many parts of my route…lots of dead spots.

  65. 65.

    singing truth to power

    @Joshua Norton: Hey dude, nothing wrong with machine-made furniture, and certainly nothing wrong with Eastlake. You can bet that something made during the Eastlake period (late 19th-early 20th century) is a whole lot more solid and better quality than much furniture made recently. And it’s not Victorian – it followed that period and style and is very different from Victorian. That’s a beautiful table.

  66. 66.

    JustRuss

    I’m about to embark on a 70-mile Craigslist odyssey to pick up some snow tires. Hope it goes a bit smoother than Cole’s.

  67. 67.

    Fleeting Expletive

    I’ve now seen the first three episodes of “Godless” and I’m not sure I’ll bother with the rest. Merritt Wever is always outstanding, so there’s that. It is just too apparent to me that the whole shebang is the project of a couple of white young dudes: Her turning to another woman “because I get lonely at night same as you” seems particularly skimpy as exposition, especially in contrast to the long LONG menacing soliloquy by Jeff Daniels’ odious character (when he’s threatening the Norwegian travelers and raping the women.) I’ll read the synopses of the remaining episodes but I have no more appetite for that menacing “drama”.

    In these times of hacktacular assaults by men against everyone else, my limit for masculine bullying in fictional drama is minuscule, dammit.

  68. 68.

    Jay C

    Don’t know why everyone is snarking on John about his marble table*: simply assuming that it is just an invitation to self-mayhem – think of the positives! It’s a really nice slab of marble: it will make a nice section of Cole’s tomb…..

    * though, like Major above, I’d have (if i’d dared) bought the “Warning” sign in the first picture as well….

  69. 69.

    Joshua Norton

    @singing truth to power: Eastlake is most definitely late Victorian since its popularity started fading out in the 1890’s. It’s considered to be part of the Aesthetic Movement. No one is saying it isn’t a nice table but the likes of it can be found populating flea markets in large quantities. The furniture became mass-produced by American furniture manufacturers and pretty much saturated the market, which made the pieces cheaper than the hand-made revival pieces and the lower classes could finally afford a bit of “fancy” furniture.

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