I had to run Christion to work today because his car is in the shop, and on the ride home I was approaching a sharp curve around the Ghost Hollow Viaduct, and as I rounded the curve I came upon a car that was completely stopped in the middle of the road. I waited a second, and noticed they were not doing anything but sitting there honking, so I pulled up next to them and rolled down my window. It was two college girls from Bethany, and they rolled down their window and I yelled “Are you all ok? Are you broken down?” She looked back at me, said, “Yeah, turkey” and honked the horn again.
I now had no idea what was going on (Did she just call me a turkey? What a quaint insult.), and apparently she could tell I was confused as hell, because she yelled “TURKEY” again and pointed to the front of her car.
Sure enough, there was a wild turkey right in front of her car, just standing there chatting back at them as she honked the car. So I pulled in front of her, putting the turkey in between me and her car, put my hazards on, and went out to get the turkey out of the road. Oh, I am wearing overalls, just to set the scene.
It was a beautiful bird, with bright blue and red colorings on his wattle and snood, and he stood about four feet tall. I walked up to him and he let me get really close, and I shooshed him off the road while talking to him- “I don’t know what the word on the street is but I can’t adopt any more pets so you are just going to have to go about your business come on now let’s go get off the road you silly bird that’s it get off the road no not that way get over here come on you can do it that’s a good boy…”
I got him up an embankment into a little copse of trees that lead to the woods, and turned around to wave the girls on (by this time there were four cars behind them). As I was doing this, the turkey had turned around and was following me and had gotten back into the road. So I stood between the turkey and the road and got all the traffic cleared, and then shooed the turkey back up the embankment again and we had a bit of a stand off:
After a little bit, when I was sure he was going to head back up the hill into the woods, I went to go back to my car, and a car was coming from the other direction, and slowed down because they thought I might have a problem. The guy stopped, asked me if I was ok, and I said “I’m fine, was just getting that turkey out of the road” and pointed to where the turkey was and OF COURSE the god damned bird was nowhere to be found. He said “Uhh ok,” looked at me like I was a crazy person, and put his car in gear and left.
THE END.
Karen Potter
Only turkey’s I’ve seen that would stay in road were domestic; wild ones will flee, some times down the road in front of you.
Patricia Kayden
You should have warned him about what happens to turkeys who wander around aimlessly in back alley roads.
NeenerNeener
I haven’t stopped laughing since I read the part where you told him you couldn’t have any more pets at home, and then he followed you back to the road anyway.
Citizen Alan
When are you going to ride all these anecdotes up into a book, Cole? I swear there’s Pulitzer material in here.
Suzanne
I was just watching hilarious raccoon videos, so now I feel like watching hilarious turkey videos. FYI, I use the insult “turkey” all the time. LOVE IT. It feels gentle and yet harsher for its gentility.
I think I’m gonna take that job.
Thoughtful David
Sounds like the bird has rabies to me. I’ve always been told that when foxes and raccoons and other wild animals are getting “friendly” around people it means they have rabies.
What?
Skepticat
This is just so …. John Cole. At least you weren’t hurt.
opiejeanne
@NeenerNeener: That was so Cole it made me chuckle.
John has a very nice voice. I don’t know what I expected him to sound like, but his voice is very pleasant.
Josie
I was so sure the turkey was going to climb in your car. I am really disappointed.
Baud
@Citizen Alan: What Hillbilly Elegy should have been.
@Suzanne: Congratulations!
opiejeanne
@Thoughtful David: I don’t know that birds can contract rabies. Can they?
jl
@Thoughtful David: I thought birds couldn’t get rabies, but an intertubes search says there have been cases of it in turkeys.
Watch out, John Cole, would-be savior of turkeys, it might be trap!
HeleninEire
Are there mushrooms in those there woods? You know; the good kind of mushrooms.
sharl
LOL. Turkey blogging
couldshould become a thing.….ETA: rabies notwithstanding (based on concerns voiced by others).
I was reading about your situation last night. This sounds good. Best wishes!
Rob
Amusing!
Many years ago a flock of turkeys sauntered across the road in front of me in Mannington Township, southern New Jersey (or somewhere nearby). I would assume they were domestic turkeys. They held me up for maybe ten minutes before I was able to drive slowly away; I don’t remember if I got out of the car to urge them on their way.. This was probably May 1987.
efgoldman
@Citizen Alan:
Or Razzy or Ignobel Prize, maybe.
gene108
John, you have such an exciting life. I am amazed at all the out-of-the-ordinary things that happen to you, like getting a turkey off the road.
Josie
@Suzanne: Congratulations. I didn’t want to say anything until you had made up your mind, but I think you are doing the right thing.
WaterGirl
@Suzanne: Good for you! Were you offered both jobs, or had the second one not made an offer yet?
Jewish Steel
Your “Get out of the road!” made the basenjis jump.
ETA: Basenjis would stand in the middle of the road like imbeciles too.
Thoughtful David
@opiejeanne:
No. I’m a biologist, and was trying to make a funny. But in all seriousness, no they can’t. But it is pretty weird to have a wild turkey acting that way. Especially in rural areas (but not in some suburban ones–see Boston, Mass. for example) they’re usually quite skittish.
But you see a raccoon or fox or a wild mammal acting like that? Stay away.
Anne Laurie
@Karen Potter:
You should meet some of our Masshole turkeys; they know they’re a protected species, and they run in mobs, not flocks. They’re tall enough to almost look a grown-up in the eye, and they do attack individuals (although, to be fair, I haven’t heard about any serious injuries… yet).
One batch was terrorizing a street in downtown Brookline, which is pretty fekkin’ urban (ask Tom L!). Remember that gif from last fall, with the ring of turkeys circling a dead cat? That was in a Massachusetts suburb. Evil beggars stare at you, it’s perfectly clear they’re dinosaur descendants — probably velociraptors.
Sandia Blanca
Betty Cracker has chickens, TamaraG has ducks, why shouldn’t John Cole have turkeys?
WaterGirl
@Sandia Blanca: If they were all murderous, we would have turducken.
Corner Stone
I’m not judging, but I am a little disappointed Cole has fallen off the wagon and is back chasing the Wild Turkey again.
Suzanne
@WaterGirl: Second one hasn’t made an offer yet, but I am less inclined to go to that company. They have a reputation for being very hierarchical and siloed, and there is also some drama there.
My company is teamed that that company in the pursuit of a very large project, and I was to be the sole representative from my company on the project team at the interview. Some of my colleagues are concerned that the other company is trying to take over the project and not include my company and cut them out of fees. Me going to that company would…..definitely support that view.
Gelfling 545
@Suzanne: I might have warned a few of my students to stay indoors around Thanksgiving time when they had done something particularly idiotic.
Suzanne
@Josie: One of my friends at my pottery class had some wise words for me that helped me adjust my thinking a bit. I’m not going to really decide until tomorrow, but I am feeling more and more comfortable with the decision.
Libby Spencer
Hilarious. Best wild turkey story ever and I’ve heard lots of them.
WaterGirl
@Suzanne:
So if I understand you, this paragraph is in reference to company 2, which you are less inclined to go to. Yes? That does seem like it wold be complicated.
WaterGirl
@Suzanne: What? She was more helpful than we were? :: sob :: we let you down
Suzanne
@WaterGirl: Yes, this is regarding Company 2. Company 2 is a bit bigger. They also have some people there who used to work at my office and my company is a bit pissed that they left. So…..awkward.
HinTN
That’ll leave a mark.
Suzanne
@WaterGirl: She just pointed out that my immediate fear is of change/growth, when what I should REALLY be afraid of is stagnation and not changing or growing. And framing it that way was convincing.
JMG
Many turkeys (relatively) around in my suburban Boston town. About a mile down the road from my house is one of those homes where the owner puts up decorations for every holiday. For Thanksgiving, of course he sticks this enormous cardboard turkey in his front yard. So one late November morning I’m driving down the road and there are like four live turkeys hanging around the cardboard one. I just about drove into a tree laughing. I like to imagine them gobbling to each other, “nice guy. kinda quiet though.”
Nicole
I once saw a video online that was of a traffic light and a flock of turkeys had stopped in the middle the road and blocking traffic. On the video you see a guy enter the frame and chase the turkeys off the road on the other side of the frame. The video continues for about 20 more seconds and then you see the guy running back the way he came followed by a flock of now very angry turkeys. It’s one of the great sorrows of my life that I’ve never been able to track it down again.
WaterGirl
@Suzanne: Excuse me for a minute while I go write that down somewhere. :-)
Also, it can be nice to go where no one knows you that may see you as they saw you before you took all your classes, etc. Like universities where you can’t get hired as faculty at the place you got your degree until you go somewhere else first. That way your professors can’t still see you as a grad student.
Congratulations!
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
This is vintage Cole.
SiubhanDuinne
Okay, I am not sure because I haven’t gone back and checked the last fifteen years’ worth of archives, but I think it’s possible that this may be your best post ever.
If not the best, it’s most definitely among the top 10,000.
Bravo!
WaterGirl
@Nicole: Put Steeplejack on the case. Best google fu I have ever seen.
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
@Suzanne: Exciting!
SiubhanDuinne
@Suzanne:
YAY!! Can you tell us yet where it’s located??
Hardly matters. So happy for you!
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
No kidding. Several years ago he found, in a matter of hours, a quaint old 19th-century parlor song my grandmother used to sing, that I had been trying to track down for literally decades. I still owe him a handsome drink for that!
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: Since you probably missed it in my reply to you on the other thread:
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: I remember that, including the offer of a drink. I almost wrote in the comment above that she would owe him a drink.
Ohio Mom
@Citizen Alan: I agree, there is a lovely memoir waiting to be compiled from John’s slice of life in Wild West Virginia posts — along with just a smattering of political ones (thinking here particularly of the tire rims and anthrax one).
This post reminds me of Isaac Bashevis Singer — a little magical interval where everything is askew for a moment.
I guess in a way we are all getting to read that book, albeit very slowly. Today was one chapter, we just don’t know when the next one will arrive.
dmsilev
@Anne Laurie:
My parents live in Brookline, so I get to hear now and again about the ‘gang’ of turkeys that lives in one neighborhood. Some of them have gotten aggressive at times. A year or two ago, there was a family of them on the street my parents live on, a mother and eight chicks. My mom said it was pretty cute at first, but once the chicks were mostly mature, it was rather intimidating to see the whole flock at once.
oldgold
Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue ridge mountains, Shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia
Mountain mamma, take me home
Country roads
All my memories, gather round her
Modest lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Elmo
@efgoldman: Hey efg, I’m late to the dog-recommending party, but have you considered a French Bulldog?
Not much exercise need
Short easy to manage coat
Incredible clown personality
danielx
Four feet tall?
danielx
@Ohio Mom:
Has to include mustard and mops. And rotten stairs.
MoxieM
Every time I see turkeys (wild, not political) there’s a flock of them. Used to be a flock lived across from my house and they drove the dog crazy.
Anyway… I wonder if this fellow lost his flock, crew, bunch…”Rafter, Gang, or Posse”
SiubhanDuinne
@Anne Laurie:
Actually I think I did, at a Watertown meetup about 3-4 years back….
(No, I can’t even. I try to be edgy and snarky, but it always just comes off as mean.)
Suzanne
@SiubhanDuinne: It’s a different architecture firm out of California, one that most people probably have not heard of unless one is in my market. Approx. 400 people, so pretty big, but local office is small and looking to grow and expand further into the mountain west.
glory b
@MoxieM: I don”t know, I never see them with a flock,only on their own.
Then again, these are city turkeys.
Ohio Mom
@Suzanne: You are fortunate in that you know a lot about these other two companies –yesterday I was concerned that you might not. Now I am confident you know what the best thing to do is.
Sometimes when Ohio Dad has been going through a rough patch at his job, and another possibility has arisen, we always pause for a moment. Maybe the next place will be worse?
Software people don’t have many opportunities to learn much about the inner workings of companies doing similar types of programming. Every new job has been something like an arranged marriage.
Once he was very excited about a job he applied for through a head hunter. Then the head hunter went on vacation and the job was filled through a different head hunting firm while he was away. Ohio Dad was alternatively pissed and despondent.
Then, six months later, the place he was working hired someone new. The new guy came from the same place Ohio Dad had wanted to move to; the reason the new guy had left that place was that it closed down. Then Ohio Dad was happy and grateful that head hunter had gone on vacation.
This story is why I always counsel people to really research new opportunities.
schrodingers_cat
@Anne Laurie: We get flocks of them in our yard. I only take pictures from a distance.
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
Thanks! I guess, given the name and the meme, it’s a pretty easy and obvious pun.
One of those things that can be completely original but, simultaneously, not at all unique.
Ohio Mom
@danielx: And getting stuck on the roof, and the car in the field and Rosie’s early days, and I would argue, the dildo story.
But this is proving my point, we are all in the same book club and we are reading Cole’s memoir *right now.*
Yutsano
Oh man. You just reminded me of my wild turkey story.
A friend of mine decided to get married at a resort outside Dahlonega, Ga. Well she had never made the drive herself so she wasn’t certain of how to get there. We ended up driving for HOURS in the back hills of Georgia. In that drive we noticed something in the road. As we got closer it was indeed a tom. I drove at normal speed until we got really close then I slowed down to give him time to move.
He didn’t.
I crawled up on him thinking that would move as I got closer. Nope. Finally I touched him with my bumper honking and even THAT didn’t do it. Finally he decided he’d had enough and started wandering to the other side. As we started driving away we noticed rustling in the bushes. There were two hens and several babies in the brush as well. We died laughing about it the rest of the way.
@SiubhanDuinne: Nothing will ever beat naked mopping. But this is a good one.
Dmbeaster
He heard you say Wild Turkey and made the wrong inference
SiubhanDuinne
@danielx:
All those things. Also has to include the tragic, like Tunch; the bittersweet, like Walter; and the combination cringe-worthy and laugh-your-guts-out hilarious, like that time John tried to save Lily’s dainty paws from touching the snow and ended up slipping on the ice and dislocating his shoulder on the doorknob or something. He wrote a medication-laced rant a day or two later that had me laughing so hard I almost got kicked out of a Very Serious international trade seminar.
RandomMonster
Here in the Santa Cruz Mtns, some jackhole dudebros drove through gaggle of turkeys on the road, killing some of them. People got angry and reported their truck to Fish and Game officers. They tracked the idiots down and they’re now facing some really hefty fines.
SiubhanDuinne
@Yutsano:
“Naked Mopping” needs to be the title of the book.
(The rest, as they say, is commentary.)
Adam L Silverman
@Nicole: Here’s some turkeys chasing cops. That should be close enough:
Aleta
@Nicole: Not the same, but here’s a few. 4th one down is of guy fleeing from them.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/local/wp/2014/11/22/great-moments-in-wild-turkey-attacks/?utm_term=.d5f85bb58886
Adam L Silverman
@WaterGirl: Excuse me?
efgoldman
@Anne Laurie:
The turkeys at our office campus in Northern RI fed near the buildings. One in a while, they’d notice their reflection in the floor to ceiling window, and attack them, pecking away.
They were pretty fearless too, To get them to move, you had to run at them, shouting
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: He dislocated his shoulder in the fall, and he put it back into place with the doorknob. But I would call that one hilarious but tragic, because he really fucked up his shoulder.
SFAW
@Anne Laurie:
I’m in a somewhat more rural area of MA than Brookline, but we also have herds of them. And, of course, honking at them reminds me of the Waco Kid’s admonition And they are mean, so I don’t generally get out the car to “reason” with them.
NotMax
“I swear to God I thought turkeys could drive!”
Lesson learned: Why you should carry a box of Stove Top stuffing mix in the car. Waggle it at the turkey and it will take of, leaving naught but a trail of feathers and dust.
:)
And, to get marginally, political,
SFAW
@efgoldman:
The RI turkeys sound to be kind of candy-assed. You try that in MA, the turkeys will make you regret it.
Big Ole Hound
@Thoughtful David: Turkeys wander around my suburban neighborhood all the time and are quite friendly like the one John ran into. I have even seen a small flock chase a dog who came after them.
debbie
@Thoughtful David:
Wild turkeys are supposed to be very mean. There was a PBS program where a guy raised wild turkeys and at the end, one male saw him as a competitor for a female and attacked him. No gratitude for having raised the turkey at all.
SFAW
@NotMax:
Thanksgiving.
PS: Yes, I know.
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
I know (thanks for the clarified timeline), and I’m not laughing at the injury at all — but he posted a follow-up thread after he had been to the hospital or orthopedist or someone, and I believe he was on very strong prescription drugs when he wrote that post, and it was fucking hilarious and at the same time you couldn’t help cringing because he was clearly in several layers of agony.
MoxieM
@glory b: I was describing Masshole turkeys, but not citified ones. OTOH, I saw a coyote near the Alewife T station one time. Folks thought it was a Golden Retriever…except for the ciggie dangling from it’s mouth, that is.
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: I didn’t mean to come off as critical. Even the hysterical naked mopping leaves me going “yikes, he could have really hurt himself.” Highly developed sense of empathy, my sisters and I all have it. In some ways it’s a blessing, in other ways it’s a curse.
Ben Cisco
The Legend of “Yeah, Turkey.”
Outstanding!
NotMax
@SFAW
On the other hand, in 2016 it moved from metaphor to reality as we literally experienced turkeys voting for Christmas.
(Which is why I chose it.)
the Conster
@Anne Laurie:
This story about Tom, the baddest ass turkey that ever lived and died in a hail of bullets, is one of the best stories I’ve ever read. This American Life did an epic broadcast about this, with interviews of all the neighbors that Tom terrorized over the years. It’s Thug Life: Martha’s Vineyard.
ETA: the cops put Tom in a freezer as evidence, and Haar sued them to get Tom’s body back so he could bury him properly. He did.
NatashaWhilk
@Anne Laurie: Indeed. I had trouble getting to a class in Newton last fall because of a pair of turkeys blocking the road, and years ago in Franklin (admittedly less urban) my workplace’s parking lot was taken over by a flock.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@NotMax: Well, we can say “Merry Christmas” again.
Suzanne
@Ohio Mom: The companies that do what I do are all known to all of us in the industry. We all know each other from school, various offices, and industry/professional events. It’s very incestuous. There are a number of places which are a hard pass, since I know too much about them that I don’t like.
I have had probably 25 opportunities to move in the past three years and I haven’t been interested. This firm was one of the ones I have had on my relatively short list of places I want to go.
Actually, one of the recruiters told me this week that if I was willing to move to Dallas, he could get me into Perkins & Will almost immediately. That is like THE DREAM. But I don’t want to move until Spawn the Elder finishes high school. That firm is #1 in the world at what I do.
Suzanne
Oh crap, I said something that put me in mod. I think it’s the thing when family members fuck each other.
Steve in the ATL
Someone at the LA meet up needs to option this story for a “green acres” reboot
Adam L Silverman
@Steve in the ATL: Too late. They didn’t pick it up after the pilot.
Suzanne
@Suzanne:
Just realized that this is a fabulous rotating tag.
ETA: And so apropos for a post about West by God Virginia.
Yeah, I said it.
Steve in the ATL
@Adam L Silverman: omfg
Yutsano
@Suzanne: Annnd banned.
Also: congrats! I knew you would do the right thing for yourself.
mainmata
I so love this story. I’ve been there too (but not with “wild” turkeys which can be surprisingly tame actually).
Humdog
My nephew was riding his bike down hill when a flock of wild turkeys crossed the road and into his bike spokes. Sent him flying over the handlebars, ruined the bike and he spent the morning in the hospital. Don’t try going through wild turkey flocks, but I do wonder why they crossed right then.
Adam L Silverman
@Suzanne: Let’s take a looksee. Hasn’t even started the new six figure job and already thinks she can violate the public indecency standards around here…
Adam L Silverman
@Suzanne: It’s free!
Yutsano
@mainmata: You know, Uncle Ben had a point about how the wild turkey should have been our national bird,
Adam L Silverman
@Steve in the ATL: If they’d picked up the pilot Bernie Sanders would be president now or something.
SiubhanDuinne
@Ohio Mom:
OMG WAIT WHUT??
Suzanne
@Adam L Silverman: It was actually one of the least offensive things I have ever posted here.
Adam L Silverman
@Yutsano: He also wanted Hebrew to be the official language. How are you at pronouncing 1/2 hour “h”es as if you always have bronchitis?
Suzanne
@Ohio Mom: You’re not talking about two wetsuits and a dildo, are you?
La Caterina (Mrs. Johannes)
@Ohio Mom: Doesn’t anyone remember The Legend of Shitmas 2016? That has to make the list.
SiubhanDuinne
@mainmata:
Right. The rest of us get goddamned Butterball turkeys in the road blocking fucking traffic for us.
Aleta
A place I used to live, a house in a field with a window facing out on each side. You’d see this flock of turkeys run past one window. A few seconds later they’d run past the next window, and then the next window, then the next, just going round and round and round the house without stopping.
J R in WV
@Suzanne:
Ah, so your opportunity is local to Phoenix, but with a different parent company and group of co-workers. I thought you were getting tired of the Phoenix climate, but needed to stay local, so this is a good location for a job change.
Best of luck with the change, whatever you finally choose. You have until Monday, of course, to think about it. Growth and opportunity is always a good thing to aim for.
Take care!
Adam L Silverman
@Suzanne: I’m sure.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Adam L Silverman: Wait, we have public indecency standards ’round here? When did this happen?
Steve in the ATL
@SiubhanDuinne: this is a quality post.
Baud
@Suzanne: I think she is referring to the other dildo story.
Suzanne
@Baud: Oh damn! I missed a dildo story!
ETA: Or there are so many dildo stories that I can’t remember them all.
Omnes Omnibus
@SiubhanDuinne:
The trick is not to care.
Drunkenhausfrau
This post. These comments. ? why I have been here since the beginning. Why I keep coming back. Best laugh I’ve had s week!
ArchPundit
@Anne Laurie: Same in Minnesota–haven’t been as bad, but one tore up the front end of my old car. The turkey bounced almost as well as a pheasant though.
FlyingToaster
@SiubhanDuinne: You mean like the one giving me a stinkeye in Fillipello Park?
Nicole
Oh my goodness; these turkey videos are making my night. Thanks, guys.
SiubhanDuinne
@Omnes Omnibus:
That’s the thing, though, isn’t it? I always do care about hurting people’s feelings when they don’t deserve it (by which I mean, I have no problems slagging on Republicans because they do deserve it, but being gratuitously nasty to Massachusetts residents, no matter how cheap and easy the jibe, seems just a bit icky to me).
I realize this puts me out of step with approximately 98% of the Jackaltariat, and probably suggests dreadful unaddressed parental issues dating from roughly 1946.
ruemara
Turkeys, you say? Nope, got no experience with a town taken over by turkeys. Just roaming the street like a gang, hustling local apartment dwellers.
TBF, it’s startling and a bit fun to see them, but they can get very big and we have a flock of about 30 in the park next to me. We have 3 flocks in town, including the flock in the greenbelt that connects to the cemetery. It’s about 50+ birds large and can shut down the streets when they cross out of the area to the church nearby and their large open lot.
Karen Potter
@Anne Laurie: I lived in WI for 30 years and there the massive flocks, 40 or more birds, are even skittish but then turkey season is twice a year and you can have 4 birds in freezer legally. Which is why I have a number of recipes for cooking wild turkey
japa21
@SiubhanDuinne: There’s your problem, the year 1946. By the time I was born, 1947, parents had learned how to turn their kids into unfeeling, mean and nasty creatures.
Baud
@SiubhanDuinne:
They all deserve it.
seefleur
Long-time lurker just de-cloaking to say that the Jackals are the all-time-bestest raconteurs EVER!! You all get yuge points for keeping me informed, sane and laughing – not necessarily in that order. John Cole is a mensch leading a flock of mensches – menschii?, and I hope that the goddesses shower you all with whatever your sick and twisted little hearts desire. Thank you from my little corner of the wilds of Maine!
J R in WV
We were once up in the high-country of WV back when there were still winters.
We went north from WV 39 on Scenic 150, which has a big sign about “This Road IS NOT Plowed or Treated in Winter!” In most states it would be closed and gated in the winter, but here in WV you’re on your own if you want to do something dump.
But it wasn’t bad at the time, and we were in a 4×4 and well dressed and equipped for winter, and parked and walked down the gentle hillside to the big drop-off. There was a big wide level bench on the hillside maybe 100 yards below us. There were huge herds of flocks of turkeys running north along that bench.
I would bet we saw at a bare minimum 1000 turkeys run past us just in a few minutes. At first we thought they were deer, which we were kind of hunting, but not seriously. But then I got my pocket binoculars out and could clearly see there were huge clumps of turkeys running together. An amazing thing to see, it was snow-covered winter over a foot deep, but a deep blue winter sky.
I’m glad it did that kind of stuff when I was young and strong, I sure can’t now! Here locally we see flocks of 15 or 20 pretty commonly, usually 2 or 3 hens and their offspring half-grown.
Baud
@japa21: Trump was born in 1947?
japa21
My only somewhat amusing turkey story comes from when I was visiting my sister in Colorado. She lives in the hills south of Trinidad just north of the NM border.
My wife and I would go out on the porch early in the morning to watch the deer come and graze in their “yard”. Every day, about 10 minutes after the two to three deer would show up, three turkeys, a tom and two hens, would wander in. Where ever the deer were, the turkeys decided that is where they wanted to be and they would gang rush the deer who quickly removed themselves to a different area. Of course, then the turkeys decided the new place would be where they wanted to be, and the whole thing would happen again. This usually continued for about 15 minutes until the deer gave up and wandered into the woods. The turkeys, seeing they couldn’t have fun with the deer any more wandered off in a different direction.
This happened every morning like clockwork. They didn’t care that my wife and I were just about 20-30 feet away.
ArchPundit
@Humdog: This is pretty typical behavior–they run in front of cars quite often. It wouldn’t be a big thing, but they are big enough to mess up the grill on new cars.
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
You didn’t, at all. And even if you had (which you didn’t), it would have just underscored that fine transient line between high tragedy and low comedy, which most of us, if we’re old enough, have either witnessed or experienced or both.
japa21
@Baud: No, 1946. His parents were ahead of the curve however.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Baud: 1946.
Shell
Accept it , Cole. You are just a critter magnet.
SiubhanDuinne
@Baud:
They all deserve to die.
Omnes Omnibus
@SiubhanDuinne: Weird. That was subtitled in Romanian.
2liberal
everyone likes a happy ending.
J R in WV
@seefleur:
Is it cold there this year?
;-)
I kid, I know it is so cold…
mainmata
@opiejeanne: As far as I’ve read, only mammals get rabies. Birds get other diseases for sure that might make them loony. (Or loony to us.)
Karen Potter
I know one of the big reasons the flocks around where I lived were skittish is that there were enough farmers who had contacted DNR and gotten permission to shot wildlife pests who were doing damage to crops and fields. One small farmer ended up donating fresh venison at least once a month and a few turkeys to the local food pantry; he gave the kills to a local butcher than did them up and end result was some families were getting meat that wouldn’t otherwise.
SiubhanDuinne
@japa21:
I was born in 1942. The years 1946-47 were traumatic for me in bunches of ways. Mostly, I think nearly all kids go through some kind of disruptive event in the first few years of life. How they deal with it, whatever “it” is, defines (or at least influences) what kind of adults they will be.
Karen Potter
@J R in WV: I am also in Maine it isn’t so much the cold but we have been having warm spells, it rains on top of snow and then drops to near or below zero. Such fun, no phone, no internet, ice rivers instead of roads.
SiubhanDuinne
@Omnes Omnibus:
I couldn’t find one with Latvian subtitles on a quick search. Where is Steeplejack with his savage google-fu when we really need him?
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
@seefleur: I hear you on the informed, sane, and laughing thing. And don’t forget the epic fights!
Lavocat
Get out of the road
If you want to grow old.
efgoldman
@SFAW:
Generally (as we discussed in Betty’s squirrel thread the other day) rural wild animals tend to be more immediately fearful of bipeds than suburban or urban examples of the same animal.
efgoldman
@SiubhanDuinne:
You’re kidding, right? Or you’ve never been a sports fan.
Hell, I spent the first 55 years of my life there, and sometimes I can’t stand us.
ETA: And no shot is so cheap that you should abandon it.
ruemara
@seefleur: Welcome! Erm, someone else can give any other obligatory BJer greeting. And in other news, I SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE SCREENWRITING TUNNEL.
seefleur
@J R in WV:
Cold, wet, icy, freaking cold, warm enough to melt everything, and then cold. Heh – it’s Maine… On the high side, the scallops this season have been super tasty!
seefleur
@Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady): And for the record – I’m really torn between the Iggles and the Pats – I don’t like either team. Too soon to be that poster here?
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
@ruemara: Yay!
Bill Arnold
It’ve never captured video of a Wild Turkey hen (or hens) with poults doing the full maneuver from cover to cover thing, but this is close if less organized: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbwdOZgTIEM
(Love these birds. The couple of times I’ve seen serious cover-to-cover movement, the poults were a little older).
In my area, wild turkeys flock, sometimes 50+, and sometimes fly in flocks. Once saw a group of birds flying maybe 700 meters away, within a 1/2 second realized they weren’t a usual Canada geese flock, then the flock flew towards me, over my house, and landed on a road behind the house at the same level as the house roofline. The final approach was a glide (no flapping) but still fairly loud. Counted 50+ birds and then lost count.
The populations depend a lot on the weather (wet springs increase nest predation)[1], and on the periodic 17 year cicada irruptions.
Also on how many little corn fields there are; many people in my area plant maybe 1/2 acre of sweet corn and are sloppy about harvesting it. Crows, turkeys, and deer all enjoy the remainders of the harvest over the winter. If the market is projected to demand cabbages, or kale, then that’s what gets planted instead.
[1] Also found this master’s thesis, have barely skimmed: Variables Influencing Nest Success of Eastern Wild Turkeys in Connecticut: Nesting Habitat, Home Range-Scale Fragmentation, and Nest Attentiveness (Shelley M. Spohr, 2001)
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
@seefleur: I don’t follow sportball, but plenty of juicers will argue and boo with you!
J R in WV
@ruemara:
“And in other news, I SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE SCREENWRITING TUNNEL.”
You mean, you MUST mean your own screenplay, right?! Congrats!!!
@seefleur:
I on’y visited Maine in the summer, but our hosts’ house had baled straw stacked up to the roofline around the whole exterior. That convinced me that it was really cold, she told us in cut their number of cords in half when they stacked the straw around the home.
And I lurve me some scallops too… And lobster was so common and inexpensive and well done!
seefleur
@Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady): Totally agnostic when it comes to sportish stuff. But my oldest son forces me to take sides against the Pats, just on general principle – can’t let him get the last word! Taking the side of OPPOSITE when it comes to sportball is kind of entertaining. (Taking the side of opposite when it comes to the asshole-shitgibbons defiling the WH, is just plain necessary – and entertaining.)
Yutsano
@Adam L Silverman: Pfft. What’s a few pharyngeals among friends? From what I understand it’s worse in Arabic.
@seefleur:
Hand over all your scallopy deliciousness and no one gets hurt.
Oh yeah and welcome, your mandatory fuck you, etc.
Ohio Mom
@SiubhanDuinne: I was referring to the time Cole had a neighbor helping him unpack boxes in the new house and the neighbor freaked when a box he opened was full of dildos and porn. John didn’t know which old roommate to credit and as I recall, said he never wanted to know.
It was a very disheartening episode and one that some editors of this mythical anthology/memoir might omit. But I think a dark chapter adds balance — life isn’t all whimsical encounters with wildlife and pratfalls — and also adds a certain kind of authenticity.
We all have secrets and it is a true friend who keeps them for and from us.
seefleur
@Yutsano: Awww! Thanks for the obligatory FU – I was beginning to wonder if I wasn’t worthy…
Ohio Mom
@Suzanne: Thanks for that explanation. Sounds like you exactly what to do. Let us know when your first day at the new place is so we can all congratulate you.
I’m imagining that in a few years you will be asking us if you should move to Dallas. I’m going to hope that firm has an branch office in a blue state with an opening just right for you. I don’t know if I have it in me to urge anyone I like to move to Texas.
Duane
Cole’s effort to find a rehab center was sadly comic. The best part about this latest turkey incident is we have video. If Cole would record himself more often, we could have a documentary.
The Midnight Lurker
No good deed goes un-pun-ished.
Schlep
the are everywhere in Boston area. Got cornered by 4 in Cambridge last week and thought it was the end.
Anne Laurie
@japa21:
Like I said — bastids remember when their ancestors were velociraptors!
pappenheimer
Driving Saddle Road (Hilo to Kona on the Big Island) and a California Quail scurries across the road in front of me – trailed by 7 or 8 quail chicks. I brake. Mama reaches the other side and gives the “Hide!” call, and all the chicks flatten themselves to the ground. In plain sight. On the road.
So here I am trying to figure out what to do next, Mama is having Quail conniption fits in the brush a few feet away, and the chicks don’t move. After 2 or 3 minutes she must have finally given the “All Clear,” the chicks wobble off after her, and I resume speed.
Evolution can make you do some dumb things.
AnotherBruce
@gene108: It’s not that he has an exciting life.He has a great bent towards comic absurdity. Which is very valuable when blogging about politics.
Poptartacus
Old joke
Guys driving up a mountain road, a woman driving down rounding a curve sticks her head out the window and yells PIG. He yells back BITCH. Rounds the curve and runs into a pig standing in the road