Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

T R E 4 5 O N

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

In my day, never was longer.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

I was promised a recession.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Everybody saw this coming.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / All Present and Accounted For

All Present and Accounted For

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Finished watching tv downstairs, grabbed my phone, and took pictures of the sights on the way upstairs. Lily on her bed right next to my chair downstairs:

Thurston on his dog bed on the couch behind me:

Upstairs Rosie in her favorite bed in the home office (and as always refusing to look at the camera):

And Steve exploring the space on the chair in the office.

After I am done messing around here for a little bit, I will brush my fangs, wash my face, and the nightly ritual begins. I create a little fort out of pillows in the bottom left portion of the bed, and gently pick up Rosie and she will snarl and try to bite me because her hips hurt and place her there (she no longer has the necessary ups), segregated from my feet, so she can still feel like she is part of the pack and on the bed, but will not be able to bite me at night when I move. Then, I position Lily in the center top of the bed where she sleeps right next to my head. I quickly then position myself and get ready for the onslaught, as Thurston will now LEAP into the middle of the bed, pissing off Rosie and startling Lily, and I will have to fight with him for a few minutes until we both have the amount of covers we want. Finally, I have to wait a couple minutes and Steve will enter the room with a loud meow, saunter over to my side of the bed, and jump up and position himself to the right of me. He will sit there a bit and I will tell him he is magnificent for a while, and then he will climb up on to my stomach/chest and THEN I am permitted to go to sleep.

Every. Single. Night. I’m trying to imagine how insane this sounds for people who do not have pets. But it’s how we roll here.

Reader Interactions

53Comments

  1. 1.

    Adam L Silverman

    Dude! You just bigfooted Anne Frank!!!

    The Elders will be most displeased…//

  2. 2.

    jl

    Thnx 4 petpix.. Very cute.
    I am reminded that Rosie and Tunch were in league with each other.

  6. 6.

    Geeno

    Anyone who has ever loved a pet gets you, John.
    It’s the purest form of love there is.

  8. 8.

    TaMara (HFG)

    Oh, good. Now my nightly routine doesn’t sound so insane…well maybe except for the ducks which protest so loudly at being escorted* to their coop at night, I’m surprised the neighbors haven’t complained…or called animal welfare.

    *and by escorted, I mean picked up, scritched, cooed at and carried to the coop.Otherwise they’d be happy to hang out in the yard (they are not natural roosters like chickens are)

  16. 16.

    CaseyL

    ‘Nighty-night, John.

    It’s funny how important bedtime rituals are to the furkids. My kitties have definite routines at night, and if I don’t do my part they get upset. Oscar just HAS to be carried to bed, made much of as he stands on my chest and tenderizes me, and then uses me as a launch pad for a leap onto the headboard. Jeannie doesn’t have a regular nighttime ritual per se, but if she’s got a case of Mommy Doesn’t Love Me Enough So I Will Sulk Downstairs In the Dark, I have to go back downstairs and carry her up to the bedroom.

    And getting settled in is nothing compared to the production of getting OUT of bed while those two are asleep. Because FSM forbid that I should have to move them so much as a half-inch getting out from under the covers.

  17. 17.

    Mel

    For 15 years, shared bedspace with 5 cats, a Rough Collie with restless legs, and a 75 pound Labrador with a penchant for stealing the pillows and farting in her sleep.

    You know that you’ve gone full-on Crazy Cat and Dog Person when you consider buying a king sized bed so that the animals don’t feel crowded by humans at night.

  18. 18.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @M4:
    Pretty kitty!

    “Why won’t you close the blinds human so I can get some shut-eye!?”

  19. 19.

    Jerzy Russian

    Yes, it does sound insane. In my household, the two cats are put into the back room overnight so we don’t get walked upon when we are trying to sleep. They have their food, their litter boxes, and various beds and blankets upon which to sleep in that room.

  21. 21.

    Ruckus

    Last cat I was allowed to share the bed with would always wait until I settled in, then he’d crawl up onto my feet – ankles. I was of course not allowed to move unless he went to the door to the deck so it could be opened for him, by me of course to go outside and whatever. In the winter I was not allowed to go back to bed until he was done because of course it was cold. As I could well attest to. He would manage not to drag in too much snow to deposit upon my feet as we settled back in. Every damn night. I liked him anyway.

  24. 24.

    Mel

    @Ruckus: What is it with cats and legs? My two will pin any reclining human down, with one taking the ankles and one taking the knees. It’s a recipe for instant Jimmy Legs.

  25. 25.

    dm

    Open enough thread: I just discovered that Angelique Kidjo has released a cover of the Talking Heads’ Remain in Light, and want to share the good news.

  26. 26.

    Mnemosyne

    @Jerzy Russian:

    We used to do that. Then my husband brought Charlotte home after he found her in a parking lot, and she figured out how to open doors. ?

  29. 29.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @M4:
    My cat loves to lay in the sun. I’ll always find him laying in front of the Windows, sunning himself. When he gets too hot, he’ll lay on the ceramic tile floor in the kitchen/dining room.

  30. 30.

    Ruckus

    @Mel:
    I think with this cat it was so I’d know immediately that he desired to use the facilities (the back yard) and tend to his needs. Mustn’t keep his fucking lord waiting.
    He really was a great cat, I miss him more than the human I shared that bed with.

  32. 32.

    Mnemosyne

    I’m pretty much done planning this weekend’s trip to the Happiest Place On Earth. The only gaps are waiting to see what kind of room we get and where we decide to have lunch on Saturday, and we won’t know that stuff until we’re actually there.

    Yes, I do pre-plan and (loosely) schedule our meals and other activities, because it’s the only way to be sure we’ll get to do the stuff we want to do. G’s okay with it because I make sure to take his preferences into account. So we’re going to a character breakfast, but it’s one that has an omelet bar, which is his favorite brunch amenity. Win/win!

  33. 33.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @M4:
    Probably because I haven’t posted any to an online photo site. I do plan on submitting some for the BJ pet calendar

  35. 35.

    Bumper

    @Mnemosyne: question for you: you mentioned preparing ahead of time for all the walking at Disney World. How much walking did you do and was it enough? We’re taking a family vacay there in 2 months and I want to get my feet ready.

  36. 36.

    Mnemosyne

    @Bumper:

    I didn’t go too crazy — I did lunchtime walks of about a mile at work and did everyday things like parking further away from the store I was going to shop at, took the stairs whenever I could, etc. And then I sprained my bad knee the day before I left and ended up having to take things slowly anyway. ?

    It did seem to help, though, because Disney World is a LOT of walking. The Magic Kingdom is about the size of Disneyland and DCA combined, so be prepared. It’s much more about building up endurance than going fast, so add a few minutes a day to your routine if you’re really out of shape.

    The other useful thing I did (and need to start doing again) was backpackers’ exercises to strengthen my back and shoulders so I could carry a backpack full of my and my nieces’ stuff all day long. I have an old whiplash injury that gets aggravated by a too-heavy backpack, so that was really helpful, too.

    ETA: Last thing — I got fitted with good shoes at a running store and that made a huge difference. You will probably log 20K to 30K steps PER DAY, so comfortable shoes are critical. I actually brought 2 pairs of shoes so I could switch off.

  38. 38.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @M4:
    Weird right? Lol. I have but it’s on social media that I don’t want to share here since it has my real name.

  39. 39.

    Bumper

    @Mnemosyne: We’re so excited. Haven’t had a vacation since before my mom got sick. We’d planned a trip with her and the kids but had to cancel. Now we’re combining a trip to check out colleges with a week at DW (Fort Wilderness cabin ?) and a 7-day cruise on the Fantasy. Can’t wait to surprise the kids!!

  41. 41.

    John Revolta

    @Mnemosyne: So, never having been to a big-time theme park, I had to Google “character breakfast”.
    I thought I knew about all kindsa weird stuff that goes on in the world but I apparently have to get out more. Yowza!

  43. 43.

    Mnemosyne

    @Bumper:

    I hope you have a great time! If you haven’t already, start planning your days and getting your FastPasses and dining reservations. You don’t want to have to spend half your day waiting in line.

    If there’s a popular ride you can’t get a FastPass for, plan to be at that park the instant it opens and go on that one first. That’s how we did the Rock N Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror the morning we left.

    The official app is really helpful, too — you can check it throughout the day and see if any FastPass slots open up. Just make sure to be courteous and cancel any FastPasses you decide not to use so other people can get on that ride. There are a bajillion great planning websites for WDW to help you get everything planned out. It’s a control freak’s wonderland! ?

  44. 44.

    Mnemosyne

    @John Revolta:

    They’re supposed to be for children, but I’m very immature, so I enjoy them. ?

    When we went to WDW, my younger niece had just turned 10 and was starting to suspect that maybe the princesses she was meeting were actors and not the actual princesses. We saw the same ones at a couple of different character meals so she was comparing their signatures in her autograph book. ?

  45. 45.

    Mnemosyne

    @Bumper:

    Okay, last recommendation — if you’re into gardening (as many Juicers are), make some time for the Living With the Land ride at Epcot. They take you through some of the model greenhouses and show you how they grow a lot of the food they serve at the park. It’s pretty cool to see. One of my coworkers who’s into gardening recommended it and we were not disappointed.

  46. 46.

    Bumper

    Thank you for all the suggestions. My husband is the planner and he’s got the date scheduled for when we can get fast passes. Magic bands have been ordered and all the cruise stuff is set (including a character breakfast!). I’ll remind him about dinner reservations-don’t think he’s mentioned that yet.

  47. 47.

    opiejeanne

    @Mnemosyne: You know they practice those signatures so they all match, right? My daughter learned Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Lilo, Stitch, Pinocchio, Alice, and Wendy Darling.

    Alice

  50. 50.

    Luthe

    And you wonder why you are still single, John. There’s no room in that bed for anyone else.

  53. 53.

    J R in WV

    @captnkurt:

    ‘Here’s a “Don’t“:’

    And a good don’t too. Also, too, “It’s a Small World” — just don’t. Not too long ago people got stuck in there while the exhibit continued to sing and play… Cruel and Unusual punishment fit for Jeff Beauregard Sessions.

    I don’t recall how long the poor tourists were stick in Small World, but just the boat-ride through was horrible. Who approved that thing? Abomination!!!

    Unca Walt was a monster, actually.

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