About once every two years, I screw up and forget to plan ahead for dinner. I have done so tonight. I also have no desire to go anywhere, so you know what that means- delivery pizza.
Sadly, I live in an area that is not know for its abundance of delivery food or pizza. So you know what that means.
I estimate I will feel sick to my stomach within 2 hours.
Not sure about your local branch, but Domino’s is actually edible since they redid their recipes from cardboard a few years back.
They brought in Dominos at work a couple of days ago. First time I had it and it was pretty meh.
hells littlest angel
I thought they guaranteed sick to your stomach in 30 minutes or less.
Eggs, rice, veggies and seasoning of your choice. Just saying. :-)
But Dominoes will probably be okay. I myself like a good frozen pizza on occasion, especially if I can fire up the wood pellet grill.
Just eat the toppings and skip the crust, JC..,it’s all that super-refined sugar-flour that makes you sick
no wait…just eat the crust and skip the toppings…it’s all that cheap cheese and preservative-laden meat that makes you sick
just eat the box?
Yeah, I haven’t had any of the big brands in ages (Brick’s here in NoVA for the win), but I have read that Domino’s is supposed to be the best of the bunch now. (Not saying much, I know.)
ETA: I am in no need of dinner because I had a delicious eight-ounce filet and a loaded baked potato at Longhorn Steakhouse for lunch. Yum!
My twenty-something kids say Domino’s has gotten much better in recent years, just don’t go crazy with the meat toppings.
@TaMara (HFG): One of my major guilty pleasures is Totino’s frozen pizza doctored up with veggies and extra cheese. It’s grunge food but oh man does it hit the spot for me!
It won’t be as interesting or as potentially dangerous as food poisoning. You will feel sated in a bland space-occupying sense afterwards, and wake up tomorrow feeling like you traded poorly on the virtue-enjoyment spectrum.
I had some last year and the crust was coated in oil with garlic specks all over it, that got all over my hands and was super strong flavored (‘flavorful’ would imply a more natural sort of thing). Still not sure if I ordered wrong somehow: I was expecting something a lot blander, and it wasn’t awesome even when I was expecting Domino’s.
Is that garlic-flecked oil coated crust thing normal?
I lived on the stuff in college, more than thirty years ago, but man, wasn’t expecting that.
@Yutsano: Totinos pizzacrackers are awesome! They’re not food, but they’re awesome! They’re like out of the ‘pizza roll’ piece of the food pyramid. It’s the block forty feet away from the rest of the pyramid in the dumpster :)
Surprised that the fuckng old house is so unstocked that Domino’s needs to be called.
I just finished off a beef and cheese quesadilla.
ETA – Jinkies!
Oh great. Barr is destroying our democracy and rule of law and now I gotta worry about Cole’s health too?
Donatos Pizza is pretty good, but Wiki tells me it’s only in 10 states.
This is why a freezer filled with leftovers is A Good Idea.
I thought you had a cellar full of canned food? Stuff you canned yourself? Did you give it all away??
@Yutsano: Totinos, or Tonys were stolid standbys in college. Of course, at only 79 cents in those days, they were also quite within the meager financial reach of your average student.
Or for that matter just basic fixins. Premade ready-to-bake pizza shells (pack of 2 or 3) and shredded mozzarella in the freezer; can or jar of pizza sauce in the pantry; pepperoni stick or frozen meatballs in fridge or pantry; parmesan/romano grated for sprinkling; extra Eye-talian seasoning on the rack.
This is not rocket science, Cole. It isn’t even bottle rocket science. For shame.
Dr. Ronnie James, D.O.
Could be worse – could be Pizza Hut or Little Caesars…
Each bite is like an angel giving birth in your mouth.
As long as it’s not Papa John’s you should be ok.
Must be at least one
greasy spoonplace other than that the college kids favor for deliveries to their dorm rooms.
Have you considered the health benefits of intermittent fasting, Mr. Cole?
@patrick II: Papa John’s – Taste the Racism
Always keep a bag of frozen shrimp in the freezer for a quick dinner. Or omlet and toast if I am just too lazy.
Why do Nazis own or start the big Pizza chains?
@Ocotillo: Probably because you need to be one to pay your employees and drivers so little to make your business profitable.
We get those Boboli crusts. Just with olive oil and parmesan or even some tuna (good tuna), they make a fine dinner.
I can’t stomach fast food any more. It’s what I consider a perk of aging.
No, it is Bob who made the pizza after he used the can and didn’t wash his hands that makes you sick. You never know where Bob is going to pop (poop?) up. That is why delivery and fast food in general is a crap? shoot.
My rule is to only get delivery from local places, never a large national corporate franchise. If I don’t know the owner and half the employees by name, they won’t be delivering to my house. As for fast food, the closest I come to that is Panera or, in a pinch, a salad from Wendy’s.
Really don’t have so much as a package of pasta or a can of tuna tucked away for when a blizzard strikes? Wow.
Let us know how long you’ve been sitting on the toilet in your next post. Godspeed.
Domino Death. (“And if you manage to survive you get the pizza for free!”)
Used to be a chain called Pizza Haven, and working there was my very first job after moving to Seattle back in the mid-70s. I honestly don’t remember if Pizza Haven was considered “good pizza,” but it was way popular in the University District, because college students aren’t known for their discriminating palates.
They had a Smorgasbord Night, $5 all you can eat. Working “Smorgie Night” was fun, believe it or not. The kitchen made small pizzas faster than you’d think possible, cut ’em into five pieces, and the waitstaff would go out with two or three trays balanced on our arms to a restaurant full of hungry college students. IIRC, the Haven brought in six employees to be waitstaff just for Smorgie night.
Toward the end of the evening, the kitchen staff got kind of squirrely and sent us out with weird and ghastly combos. I remember shrimp and anchovy was one. Damned if the college kids didn’t hoover those up, too.
Best part? After each swing-through, when we went back and had any pizza left on our trays, we could eat that while the next batch was being readied. (Remember: we were college kids, too!)
Have you considered starvation. I don’t see how it could be worse.
Yesiree bob. You said a mouthful.
So much of that crap tastes super, super salty.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
I got your back Cole. I keep cans of beans and soup on hand and I’ve almost always got some chicken breasts or Italian sausage in the freezer, but there are days when even that takes too much energy.
With Uber Eats and similar services, you sometimes have more delivery options, for a small fee of course.
But next time you’re hungry and didn’t plan ahead, this might be worth looking into.
@NotMax: I thought Steve was supposed to be in charge of the murine delicacy supply chain. Can it really be the case that Cole does not enjoy a daily diet of honey-fried dormice?
Shrimp and anchovy actually sounds darn good. Add black olives and you’ve probably got a winner.
I finally found a use for my old Foreman grill. It’s useful for “grilling” the eggplant slices for eggplant parmessan.
In rural West Virginia?
Fuck. It’s supposed to be the coldest night of the winter and the power just went out. Probably one of the zillion Louisianans here working on the cracker plant who doesn’t have a clue how to drive on our snow/sleet/ice covered roads and took out a pole. The influx of so many southerners here has made this place almost unlivable. Bad enough all the native hillbillies and hicks who live here, but now we have to deal with these people? At least our white trash know how to drive in bad weather.
@Kent: Doesn’t Cole live in the metropolitan coastal elite area of West Virginia?
Just earlier today I saw somebody on twitter say that sex is like pizza: if you’re having it at Domino’s you need to rethink your life.
@Mike J: Now that’s a domino theory I could get behind.
This is another example of the Coleworld problems we have to hear about on this blog.
But, even if it is a Coleworld problem, given the extreme, truly dangerous and rash, remedies Cole prefers, I wish him luck. I hope he re-appears later this evening so some BJ-er doesn’t feel obliged to do a welfare check.
And before any Louisianans get pissed, they aren’t the only terrible drivers from out of state making life even more miserable on the roads around here because of the damn cracker plant. Apparently no one from Texas, Oklahoma or Georgia knows how to drive either.
@Dr. Ronnie James, D.O.: Hey now, Pizza Hut in Paris is great. They offer a wide selection of wine as well as several other options besides pizza.
@jl: Surely Cole’s remedy would to mop naked while thinking godly thoughts?
@mrmoshpotato: Domino’s is owned by a RW religious nutcase.
@Mike J: He’s getting takeout Mike.
Mai naem mobile
@Dr. Ronnie James, D.O.: the founder of Little Caesars died fairly recently. Anyhow, he was apparently known to be progressive. I’ve had Little Caesars pizza maybe twice in my life(years ago) and it was just awful. Bad toppings. The crust tasted weird bad. But I have a single mom coworker who gets it quite a bit when she doesn’t have the energy to cook and she says its improved a lot.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
just stumbled across this tweet that is a few hours older than Cole’s post
ETA: @Mike J: Damn
@NotMax: Not just salty, sometimes it tastes like there’s a little sugar on things like French fries.
@geg6: After the last couple of winters, kids born and bred in northern Ohio don’t know how to drive in snow anymore.
Kind of like skiing in California mountains, where you know that everyone driving on the mountain road around you with chains on their tires experience maybe four hours of snow driving a year.
@JaySinWA: I think they say “outcall”.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: You got the cite, I was lazy.
@Mai naem mobile: He paid Rosa Parks’s rent for many years until her death.
In 1992, while my husband was living 400 miles away and I had a job that was sometimes physically draining, and we were broke, we ate a lot of Little Caesar’s pizza on nights when I couldn’t face the kitchen. They had a coupon in the paper almost every week for a $5 pizza, and it was big enough that it fed my 3 kids and myself. It was ok, we didn’t crave it, but it was ok
The founder died in 2017. Seemed like years ago to me.
@Brachiator: I don’t know about Uber Eats, but Grubhub and Yelp are working on a bad reputation.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Sab: I remember a few years ago on Car Talk, somebody called in and said, I’m embarrassed to ask this, but everybody says, ‘steer into the skid’. What does that mean?
Both Magliozzi brothers bellowed, “NOBODY KNOWS!”
Dominos isn’t awful anymore where I am (we do this thin crust white garlic chicken & onions that’s really good) . Hope your experience works out.
@opiejeanne: Never said we couldn’t have two shitty pizza chains owned by Trump trash. :)
Indeed, and also Lost Dog. I remember eating Pizza Hut when I was a teenager/young adult. Now I can’t imagine doing it.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Finally the Truth.
@Mike J: I kind of mangled the punchline, delivery not takeout. Is outcall the restaurant internal term? or is this a coastal idiom?
@JaySinWA: CA has a bill in the pipeline to require delivery services give the customer information they collect to the restaurant they are delivering from, so that the delivery services don’t completely capture their customer access.
I wonder if the bill would reveal this sort of thing.
I worked at a pizza place when I was young and was taught what good pizza should be. In the years since, I have learned shortcuts. Martha White pizza crust mix packets stored in the pantry because I hate chain made or frozen pizza. I use 2 packets and 1/2 the water it says. Ragu spaghetti sauce, I prefer the mushroom kind. Shredded mixed cheese 6 cheese or Italian mix from our grocery store. Always use the skim cheese as non skim melts to fatty. 2 packets of that plus sprinkled parmasian with a heavy hand. Toppings. I prefer double mushrooms. If you go heavy on veggies, watch out, they bake out water and can make the crust get soggy. Dehydrating them can help but it’s best just not to overdo green peppers and onions. For fancy occasions stick tomato slices on top for looks.
my employer made their own dough and sauce but I found these substitutes quite tasty. It’s also not time consuming and of course pizza is good cold or rewarmed so I always make more than I need.
@JaySinWA: According to my millennial coworkers who order a lot more delivery than I do and are aware of the issues with the delivery services, “Uber Eats is the god damn devil.” I presume that means they’re even worse in that regard, who doesn’t surprise me because, hey, it’s Uber.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Ha! We had it demonstrated to us in HS. You steer in the direction the car is skidding in. It’s terrifying, against your instincts, but it might give back control of the car if you do it as soon as the skid starts
And hope you’re not too close to a cliff edge.
@mrmoshpotato: I was just saying.
Mai naem mobile
Pizza Hut used to be good when they only had the sit down places. They went downhill once they started doing delivery and cutting corners because of the competition. I remember years ago when we travelled that as vegetarians Pizza Hut was the one standby that we knew we could get a satisfying meal.You could be in.some podunk town and there was good.old Pizza.Hit
Come to Northern California where it’s not only beautiful but delicious
@Dr. Ronnie James, D.O.: I’ve had both Pizza Hut and Little Caesar’s. I haven’t seen a Pizza Hut in ages. But I wouldn’t put them in a lower class than a Domino’s. Kind of meh, but not outrageously bad.
TaMara’s instapot ricecooker pancake is good for an emergency. Flour, milk, eggs, a little sugar and baking powder. My ancient rice-cooker couldn’t handle it ( kept shutting off: “this isn’t rice!”) and I don’t have an instapot, so I baked it at 300 degrees in a greased cast iron fying pan and it was wonderful and fluffy
Sometimes I serve it with maple syrup and or fruit. Sometimes I make it savory, with herbs and grated cheese thrown in.
Things never heard in Scooby Doo
“Well, after so many of these monsters being thieving scumbags in rubber suits, Scoob and I just decided to finally hit one in the nards and then beat them with all these suspicious wooden crates.”
Mai naem mobile
@opiejeanne: everything in the Trumpov era seems like years ago. It really seemed like I read the obit last year. The Progressive Insurance founder was apparently also considered progressive and died relatively recently. Apparently he was a big progressive cause donor.
@Mai naem mobile: Yes he was. Big on legalizing maijuana. My step-daughter worked there. They were demanding but pretty open. Willing to work with all sorts of different personality types as well as just the usual racial gender diversity. Very unusual in Cleveland.
No Marco’s in your area? They’re the best chain IMO, particularly their super pepperoni (forgot what it’s called, but it’s got 2 kinds of pepperoni and cheese or something sprinkled on the crust)
The Pale Scot
Well two words actually
Omelete and bacon
Dominos is soooooo good.
@opiejeanne: Try a Chicken McNugget. All you can taste is sugar and salt.
I went to the Elizabeth Warren rally/turn hall here in Northern Virginia and it was pretty awesome. Line around the block to get in, great energy. Strong speech, great questions from the audience and she did really well with them. There wasn’t a selfie line, which was disappointing, but it was because they’d gotten a late start after visiting the overflow line of people who couldn’t fit into the overflow room, which is a good problem to have. (I remember the first time Obama really impressed me in 2008 was when I was at a multi-candidate forum, didn’t get into the main room, and then the audio went out. He was the only candidate who came to the overflow room and spoke.)
There was a good emphasis on organizing, that if you want all the good things she’s promising, you have to make it happen. I’m signed up for canvassing Saturday.
@The Pale Scot: That’s three words, and I don’t eat pork since I met a potbellied pig years ago. Perhaps cheese instead?
RIP John Cole.
I love Lost Dog! But I don’t think they deliver, at least not to me. But they’re my choice when I go out. Okay, Pupatella sometimes.
ETA: I think it was on your recommendation that I started up with Brick’s.
@Sab: I have an instant pot, (and a rice cooker in a storeroom), but the proportions on that recipe seemed beyond reason for two people. Now a scaled down skillet version would be much more reasonable. Thanks.
@Redshift: I got a call today from a Warren person newly arrived from Iowa to perk up our activities. Canvassing on Saturday! I told her I didn’t have a smart phone. She said fine, she’d print me out some sheets, so I will be canvassing on Saturday.Yay!
“Outcall” is what prostitutes call delivery.
Poor John is daid
Poor John Cole is daid
All gather round his coffin now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn’t very old
Oh why did such a fella have to die
Poor John is daid
Poor John Cole is daid
He’s looking oh so peaceful and serene
He’s all laid down to rest
With his hands across his chest
His fingernails have never looked so clean
James E Powell
Trader Joe’s has a variety of small frozen pizzas. I keep my freezer stocked with them for situations like Cole’s. About once every two weeks.
The Pale Scot
@Sab: Cheese is wonderful. A good omelete is always satisfying. Just don’t overcook it. Slow, low heat, lotsa butter and thyme.
@The Pale Scot: That’s three… [ducking]
@JaySinWA: I did her half recipe in an 8 inch pan, and two people had leftovers. Took about an hour in the oven.
@Steeplejack (phone): Glad to be of service. :-) Some Lost Dog locations do deliver. Brick’s is the one that’s closer to home, and Lost Dog is near my office, so I get the best of both worlds.
@The Pale Scot: It took me years to realize eggs need to be cooked at low temperatures. Otherwise rubber.
If you “haven’t seen a Pizza Hut in ages,” how do you know what the quality is like now?
I have a somewhat different reason for not partaking of Schweinefleisch: If I eat pork, will be struck by lightning.
@laura: That sounds so romantic and delicious.
I live out in the country where Dominos is about the only delivery option. I think it’s okay. But if you don’t want pizza, you could order pasta or a sandwich.
@Sab: Mmmmmm slow-cooked scrambled eggs.
David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch
@Redshift: Virginia is a good state for her. Hillary won it with 65% of vote. So they don’t have a problem voting for a woman.
@Steeplejack (phone): I don’t, I just know back then they were mediocre, not terrible. IMHO. OTOH I can’t remember having an entirely bad pizza, so I probably don’t have a discriminating pizza palate. I do enjoy pizza from a local place that has a good reputation from everyone who I’ve met that has eaten there, so maybe I know good from mediocre/bad. I’ve had some bad pizza service and Domino’s was one.
@Amir Khalid: Well, eating anything while standing next to a charged Tesla coil is a bad idea.
@Amir Khalid: i don’t eat dog either. Pretty much for my same reason. Same for you for your same reason?
My guess is you cheat less than my friends do. For some reason the current culinary craze in America is bacon in everything. Bacon in salads. Bacon in every kind of entree. Bacon in potatoes. Bacon in desserts!
My city has lots of Jews and lots of Muslims and lots of lapsed vegetarians like me. I do not understand this bacon obsession. I go out to eat and ordering is impossible. Everything has bacon. I can request hold the bacon, but then they don’t hold and the food arrives with bacon! Refuse to accept it? Accept it and don’t eat it while paying for it? Irks me.
Don Beyer is my rep. The fightin’ Eighth!
@laura: My heart shaped pizzas have ended up either misshapen from the beginning or distorted in trying to place them on the stone. It’s the thought that counts though, so my wife says.
@Sab: Bacon for dessert!
Quid Pro Quo Number Eleventy Billion. ?
@mrmoshpotato: I know. Just dust it with powdered sugar and pour a little maple syrup on top.
@geg6: I truly feel your pain. Not sure if it helps to know San Diegans are just as incompetent in a bit of rain as your southerners in snow and ice… but it’s remarkable. We generally don’t take the car out on days it’s actually raining, because idiots, unless we’ve had 3 or 4 days in a row, which is when people seem to remember how to drive in rain. I have saved a couple of screen shots of traffic maps on classic days when it rained, like first time in a year… It’s unreal.
Yes, I can handle snow, ice, whatevs. Spent college years in Minnesota. Must say that my experience in Kentucky and WV is that the first snow is always a mess. Cars everywhere. But if it’s one of those winters, most ppl kinda remember how to drive in the slick.
LOL. Happy Valentine’s Day.
It’s about every 5 years for me. That is how long it takes me to forget how gross it was on the previous visit.
@mrmoshpotato: That reminds me of the hot dog electrocution device that was sold when I was young, apparently a comerical version of a DIY project from years earlier. It made a resurgence a few years back I believe. I may have imagined eating one, but I remember it tasted of ozone.
@JaySinWA: Laugh out loud.
I suppose this might not be a good time to tell you of my fondness for raw bacon back in my adolescence (yeah, I know about the dangers). I didn’t have it often, but yum!
@Sab: That would work I suppose, but there’s more to the world of bacon deserts than that:
@debbie: My dog would like to sit next to you.
@JaySinWA: Next you’ll be working in anchovies into dessert.
OT, but this is an amazing piece of work:
Founding Fathers sing anti-Trump parody of Miss American Pie
@JaySinWA: Just no! I do have several exceptional mincemeat cookie recipes.
Darrin Ziliak (formerly glocksman)
I didn’t feel like cooking tonight and ordered Domino’s carryout, since there’s a store right across the street and some of the carryout deals aren’t bad.
What’s interesting is that I used to order it 2-3 times a week, but after my gallbladder infection/removal last July, I started cooking at home more and my last order was in November.
@Darrin Ziliak (formerly glocksman): How was it?
@JaySinWA: Ozone, delicious ozone.
So. many. questions.
@laura: Awwwww… you betcha! Sounds… lovely.
Mr S is my chef. I mean, he cooks almost all of our meals, and does not like me in “his” kitchen. Well, the kitchen’s very small (we have plans to expand of course) but the trade-off is worth it.
You’re the laura who throws Amazing big parties at times, right? Well, I thought your party reports are amazing anyway.
Darrin Ziliak (formerly glocksman)
@Sab: Not bad, actually.
As others have said, they changed the recipes so it doesn’t taste like tomato sauce smeared on corrugated any more.
FWIW, I prefer their “marinara” sauce over the stock tomato sauce.
There are better local pizza shops, but none within easy walking distance and I don’t have a car.
“If you love something, you shoot it in the face.”
-Zombieland 2 and Dick Cheney
@CaseyL: OMG… I’m only at 2:33, and going to post the link in places… that is fucking brilliant.
Dry areas like San Diego can have more slippery roads after rains than wet areas like here in Portland. You get a month or two of road oil and grime accumulate on the streets and highways, then get a cloudburst and all that oil lifts up and floats on top creating slick conditions. Here in the Portland area we get frequent enough rain that the streets are continually rinsed and the oil and grime never accumulate that much.
@CaseyL: That was amazing.
@Kent: Even in wet Seattle, with enough dry days in summer the first rains are pretty treacherous.
Of course we are notorious for sunshine backups when the sun is out. East/west routes can get blinding at the right time of day.
Bacon’s appeal is easy enough to understand: Meat! Salt! Fat! Win! But a lifetime of anti-pork indoctrination keeps me from ever being tempted. I’ve tried beef bacon, but I guess I’m one of the few who don’t much care for salty fatty meat.
@CaseyL: Goddamn, that was amazing. Looking for a cigarette, may have to settle for a candy cane.
@CaseyL: Wow. Awesome.
@Amir Khalid: How about pastrami?
@Patricia Kayden: Typical Trump – lying out of both sides of his head.
I have had pastrami. I can take it or leave it.
@JaySinWA: Caught by the edit timer.
I know of turkey and beef bacon, but can’t remember trying them, of the two I would guess turkey would work better for flavor but not for fat.
Turkey pastrami is passable though.
@Amir Khalid: Turkey bacon isn’t much better. I also have family history of high blood pressure, so salt isn’t very appealing. Tastes okay, but spend next two days with puffy fingers and thumping heart.
@JaySinWA: Yeah, exactly. It’s true about the oil etc on the roads, but it’s kinda universal. Most people don’t drive very well. The miracle is enough people drive well enough that places like LA and Seattle (omg… ) work at all.
Some of my Massachusetts friends pointed me to the Best audio EVER. It involves “because I’m caaaaauuuuutious.” Maybe AL or someone can help me out here. But “caaaaauuuuutious” is family speak, kinda like “California rude” is.
@Mike J: When I saw the “sex is like pizza” part, I thought this was going to be the one I have heard before:
@CaseyL: That was so good. The lyrics were amazingly well done. I hope everyone watches it.
The ending was a big surprise, with all 7 of them.
Because the business model appeals to them: A pyramid of wage slaves slovenly managed by laze-abouts with just enough brains to get an sketchy loan to buy into the franchise, all ruled over by a grifting Nazi who himself was once one of the franchisees.
J R in WV
Did a pot roast last night, with carrots and onions and some garlic, and a combination of little purple potatoes and quartered big russets. And red wine and broth … red wine to drink too. Goood eatin. Will last a couple of days.
We have a skiff of snow, but no plans to go out for now. Hope the innertubes stay up, else will have to do physical reading material. Scan photos, I’m behind on that project. Worked hard on it, burned out a little bit. So many people we don’t know but who obviously mattered a lot to grandparents… Kinda sad.
The Pale Scot
Jeeze, I don’t add conjunctions to a word count
@JaySinWA: In New York, “outcalls only” means that the sex worker comes to your home or hotel room.
@JaySinWA: In New York, “outcalls only” means that the sex worker comes to your home or hotel room.
@Mai naem mobile: When I started traveling on business in the 1980’s, Pizza Hut was often the best restaurant in town, especially in the South. (Except for New Orleans, which has legendary food, and a few other places.)
@JaySinWA: My father’s second wife had one of those hotdog electrocutors. It looked sort of like an Etch-a-Sketch, with little prongs. at the sides of the screens. It must have been dangerous. She was the queen of one-function kitchen devices. She had an egg cooker, a bacon pan with a press, and a butter melter. In any given kitchen, there must be at least four ways to melt butter (pot over low heat, microwave oven, Pyrex measuring cup next to a frying pan, holding it in your armpit), but she would have none of that.