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You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / Cruz-ifiction / Late Night Open Thread: Cruz, In for A Bruisin’…

Late Night Open Thread: Cruz, In for A Bruisin’…

by Anne Laurie|  February 20, 20211:23 am| 53 Comments

This post is in: Cruz-ifiction, How about that weather?, Open Threads, Republican Stupidity

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Ted Cruz continues to be a trailblazer as he becomes the first Hispanic person to flee FROM Texas TO Mexico because of ICE

— Wayne Lawson, PhD (@WayneALawson) February 20, 2021

Could not happen to a more deserving simulacrum of a human being…

Texas is freezing, but the roast of Ted Cruz is on https://t.co/UB0DQU0V87

— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) February 19, 2021

WaPo reporter Ashley Parker, FOR THE WIN:

Usually, it takes at least one full day in Cancún to do something embarrassing you’ll never live down.

But for Ted Cruz (R-Tex.), it took just 10 hours — from when his United plane touched down at Cancún International Airport at 7:52 p.m. Wednesday to when he booked a return flight back to Houston around 6 a.m. Thursday — for the state’s junior senator to apparently realize he had made a horrible mistake…

Cancún-gate checked nearly every possible box of a scandal. The sad-sack black roller suitcase and oversize canvas tote, awaiting its beach debut! The fleece half-zip as part of the classic frumpy Dad ensemble! The 6 a.m. scramble to book a return flight! The politician seeming to blame his preteen daughters! The adorable family dog, possibly left home alone! The police escort! The leaked text messages, with a “Real Housewives of Houston” mood!

And the hypocrisy of a man who has trashed fellow politicians for vacationing during crises — vacationing in Cancún during a crisis himself…

Just when the situation seemed like it couldn’t get much worse for Cruz — his statement about coming back Thursday, after all, had been misleading at best — a cute pooch entered the narrative. Houston-based journalist Michael Hardy had driven by Cruz’s house Thursday and snapped a photo of the front of his home — lights off, tiny white fluff ball staring out of the glass front door…

Would you guys watch a limited action/adventure docuseries about my undercover mission to rescue Ted Cruz’s dog? Asking for Netflix.

— Randy Rainbow (@RandyRainbow) February 20, 2021

everyone is ragging on Dinesh D'Souza but it is undoubtedly true that the best thing Ted Cruz can do for a place is to leave it.

— James Palmer (@BeijingPalmer) February 18, 2021

only ted cruz could make the excuse “I’m fucking useless anyway” and get total agreement amongst both his detractors and supporters

— kilgore trout, ted’s travel agent (@KT_So_It_Goes) February 18, 2021

“As soon as I heard that guy’s iPhone make the shutter click sound, I began to have reservations” https://t.co/mgAvMsM8xA

— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) February 18, 2021

Ted Cruz cutting his Cancun vacation short so he can show he takes the Texas emergency seriously by … going on Hannity

this is not a joke this is literally what is happening

— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) February 19, 2021

"As I got a luxury full body massage at the Ritz Carlton spa, I would have been reading many documents & taking many phone calls" https://t.co/qOnXQDzvx5

— Centrism Fan Acct ?? (@Wilson__Valdez) February 19, 2021

If Ted Cruz were an ordinary dude, and he did a Mexico roundtrip in less than 17 hours, the DEA would be waiting on his lawn when he got home.

— Charles P. Pierce (@CharlesPPierce) February 18, 2021

.@tedcruz welcome back to the US, found these while you were gone pic.twitter.com/kb1TKs1JhP

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) February 18, 2021

Asked about Ted Cruz Cancun trip, @presssec said White House focused on Texans without power or resources they need. "We expect that would be the focus of anyone in the state or surrounding states who was elected to represent them. But I don't have any update on his whereabouts."

— Jennifer Jacobs (@JenniferJJacobs) February 18, 2021

pic.twitter.com/y5peAFu9e0

— PatriotTakes ???? (@patriottakes) February 19, 2021

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Reader Interactions

53Comments

  1. 1.

    phdesmond

    February 20, 2021 at 1:32 am

    that’s some rich Cruz material.  thank you.

  2. 2.

    lurker

    February 20, 2021 at 1:39 am

    not first! yay

     

    ETA: now that i have established my position –

    Cruz almost makes it too easy to criticize him.  Cannot see how he could get elected in very many other places besides TX.  Unfathomable.

  3. 3.

    Chetan Murthy

    February 20, 2021 at 1:44 am

    @lurker: Louisiana (Diaper Vitter), Mississippi, Alabama (Roy “actually, it’s ephebophilia” Moore), Idaho (Larry “WIde Stance” Craig), need we go on?

  4. 4.

    Jerzy Russian

    February 20, 2021 at 1:45 am

    Christ, what an asshole!

  5. 5.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 1:46 am

    Cruz has really impressed me with this stunt. Like a lot of the Ivy league GOPers who want to be the next Trump (so ridiculous, I can’t type it without chuckling), he’s pretty bland. And skeevy. Bland and skeevy is unappealing. Sort of like wet moldy cardboard.

    But this ongoing series of pratfalls and exploding cigars is so hilarious and spectacular, it’s breath taking, awesome. The self-owns and self-debunkings are works of art, of the highest order.

    Only downside is that the one useful function a Senator Cruz could ever perform would be to help Texas and Texans get the assistance needed to come of the disaster. But, he was too busy lounging in the warm beachside sun to do anything for his suffering constituents. In this case, karmic justice was swift, merciless, and hilarious, which is also a rare thing.

  6. 6.

    Pete Downunder

    February 20, 2021 at 1:46 am

    I recall Al Franken’s great line: “I like Ted Cruz better than my colleagues do. And I hate Ted Cruz”.

  7. 7.

    West of the Rockies

    February 20, 2021 at 1:46 am

    Thrid!

    Honestly, I mostly hope this event causes those Texans who vote Republican to rethink matters.  Hopefully, this sad and tragic situation does serious damage to the whole success-by-bootstrap-lifting mythos

    *Well, I was Thrid! when I started this…

  8. 8.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 1:53 am

    @West of the Rockies:  Getting on TV and advertising what his constituents need, getting on the phone to wheedle Biden into springing aid, and telling his staff what is needed so they can work the strings at FEMA, is the only useful work I can imagine that Cruz could ever do.

    But it’s work, and the cold was unpleasant, so Cruz missed probably the only potentially useful days of his working life.

  9. 9.

    Shalimar

    February 20, 2021 at 1:53 am

    “I’ll believe in climate change when Texas freezes over.” – Ted Cruz

  10. 10.

    No One of Consequence

    February 20, 2021 at 1:55 am

    I had not seen that last one. That’s art right there.

    Peace,

    NOoC

  11. 11.

    John Revolta

    February 20, 2021 at 1:56 am

    And just think: This yutz was runner-up for the GOP Prez Candidate!
    Deep bench my azz

  12. 12.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 1:57 am

    I don’t think the irresponsibility and callousness of Cruz’s excellent sun soaked beach vacay adventure makes any difference to the GOP primary voting base.

    But if a virtuoso Trump style shock jock politician in Texas wants to make fun of him, get up some mean memes and generally ridicule Cruz about it, and call him a LOSER, the Cruz might be in trouble. But in the pit of the GOP base, I don’t think anyone cares whether he bothers to do what most of us would consider to be his job.

  13. 13.

    FelonyGovt

    February 20, 2021 at 2:01 am

    Has anyone posted about how that awful NewsMax organization criticized Champ Biden as “dirty, disheveled and an unpresidential” dog? What nerve. A well loved 14- year old rescue.

  14. 14.

    phdesmond

    February 20, 2021 at 2:02 am

     

    off-topic.
    Virginia now has more women in its state legislature than ever before
    Mariel Padilla · January 7

  15. 15.

    Mary G

    February 20, 2021 at 2:04 am

    All he had to do was put on a Carhart and a pair of cowboy boots and show up somewhere with a TV crew, a few cases of water and some tough talk and he would’ve been golden. He probably could even have survived the radio silence of 12 hours, which equals eight months on Twitter, and the lying about when the trip was planned and when he’d intended to come home, but leaving his little dog Snowflake alone in a freezing house in a position to be seen staring sadly out the front door waiting for his or her humans to come back was just the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I already hated him, but now I hate him at a nuclear level.

  16. 16.

    prostratedragon

    February 20, 2021 at 2:05 am

    Someone who actually worked on one of Cruz’s campaigns told this one:
    Q — Why do so many people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?
    A — It saves time.

  17. 17.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 2:06 am

    ” Would you guys watch a limited action/adventure docuseries about my undercover mission to rescue Ted Cruz’s dog? Asking for Netflix. ”

    No, I will not watch that.

    I read that Cruz’s bodyguard took care the dog. Steven Wright could make a nice short flick out of that heartwarming interlude. (not joking, Cruz wasn’t there to irritate the poor dog, so, heartwarming in a wistful way, since the dog probably senses that Cruz will come back)

  18. 18.

    phdesmond

    February 20, 2021 at 2:08 am

    @No One of Consequence:

    the giant frozen daiquiri glass?  yes!

  19. 19.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 2:09 am

    @FelonyGovt:

    ” Has anyone posted about how that awful NewsMax organization criticized Champ Biden as “dirty, disheveled and an unpresidential” dog? What nerve. A well loved 14- year old rescue. ”

    I am waiting for the reaction to the first time Biden washes and waxes whatever that muscle car is that he likes on the WH lawn. That will be a hoot.

    Edit: I read a history of the WH, I think on its website. Used to be when this country actually was busy doing stuff, people didn’t worry that much about what the damned president did with the damned WH grounds. Some presidents had big frowsy gardens, there were greenhouses, a couple had cows munching on the grass, or a zoo of pets. I think one of them liked horseshoes, so dug a horseshoe pit.

    I decided I don’t care about the WH looking all 100 percent distinguished.

  20. 20.

    Steeplejack

    February 20, 2021 at 2:11 am

    Let’s have some jazzy music! “Fly Me to Cancún.”

  21. 21.

    NotMax

    February 20, 2021 at 2:12 am

    “Of course I turned right around and came back. Place was crawling with Mexicans!”

    //

  22. 22.

    mrmoshpotato

    February 20, 2021 at 2:22 am

    If Ted Cruz were an ordinary dude, and he did a Mexico roundtrip in less than 17 hours, the DEA would be waiting on his lawn when he got home.

    Again – the Zodiac killer is a drug trafficker.

    ETA – and I’m sure his trash wife is too.

  23. 23.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 20, 2021 at 2:24 am

    @jl: I believe, Wilson had sheep during WWI.

  24. 24.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 2:24 am

    @FelonyGovt: The WH history says that crows, myna birds, parakeets, and parrots used to be popular presidential pets. I guess maybe they were good company for small talk.

    So, let’s chip and get Biden a parrot, who can add commentary to pressers. A myna bird probably better at imitating correspondents, though. Let’s get him both, one of each shoulder.

  25. 25.

    jl

    February 20, 2021 at 2:27 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    A flock of sheep running off some endless lawn in front of a manner house is the first damn thing you see in those BBC historical shows. Whatever the latest thing was, it had a flock of sheep that ran off an endless lawn in front of a manner house into some trees. I got bored after that and would turn it off.

    So, that means it’s classy and historical. We need to get one for the WH to keep up with the Brits.

  26. 26.

    Amir Khalid

    February 20, 2021 at 2:27 am

    There’s always been an ineluctable … skeeviness, let’s call it that, about Ted Cruz. It’s my abiding impression of the man. It amazes me that he has a political career at all.

  27. 27.

    scav

    February 20, 2021 at 2:30 am

    At this point, I’m not entirely sure that this sort of brazen irresponsibility won’t rocket him to the top of the hard-core QQQ wing.  Forget about shooting somebody in the street and not losing voters.  Real liebral owning men abandon entire states! Weeping about all those frozen losers is socialism, etc etc. Tim Boyd is regretting missing the flight south.

  28. 28.

    patrick II

    February 20, 2021 at 2:52 am

    @jl:

    Warren Harding had a squirrel named Pete.

  29. 29.

    Anne Laurie

    February 20, 2021 at 3:00 am

    @jl: I think one of them liked horseshoes, so dug a horseshoe pit.

    IIRC, the horseshoe pit was Bush the First’s project.  He said it was for the grandkids.  Would’ve been considered elitist & privileged if a Democrat did it, but…

  30. 30.

    Amir Khalid

    February 20, 2021 at 3:06 am

    @jl: 
    I’m still waiting for the Biden family kitty to be announced.

  31. 31.

    SiubhanDuinne

    February 20, 2021 at 3:15 am

    @FelonyGovt:
    Just saw that on the wee hours rerun of BriWi’s show. Disgusting, even for Newsmax.

  32. 32.

    R-Jud

    February 20, 2021 at 3:29 am

    That photo in the WaPo tweet is really something. He looks like he’s auditioning to be a new Belushi brother. Or trying to distract the press with his Brando-in-The-Godfather impersonation.

  33. 33.

    Amir Khalid

    February 20, 2021 at 3:42 am

    @R-Jud: ​
     

    He looks like he’s auditioning to be a new Belushi brother.

    I don’t recall that John or Jim ever looked that creepy.

  34. 34.

    James E Powell

    February 20, 2021 at 4:23 am

    Cruz always reminds me of Mr Haney from Green Acres in that every word out of his mouth is just bullshit. I mean, it isn’t even good enough to call them lies. Just stupid bullshit.

  35. 35.

    R-Jud

    February 20, 2021 at 4:29 am

    @Amir Khalid: ​
      I didn’t say he’d pass the audition.

  36. 36.

    satby

    February 20, 2021 at 4:55 am

    @NotMax: You meant that as snark, but someone once told my mother that Cancun was nice but had too many Mexicans. My mother just said “you do know it’s in their country, right?”

  37. 37.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    February 20, 2021 at 6:22 am

    The smart play for Cruz would have been to claim he was scoring a big drug deal in Mexico and planning on using the money for disaster relief,

  38. 38.

    prostratedragon

    February 20, 2021 at 7:01 am

    Pets of U.S. Presidents, from wikipedia. T.Roosevelt had a large number and variety of pets, which is no surprise, but so did Coolidge, which is a big surprise considering his stick-like reputation.

  39. 39.

    tybee

    February 20, 2021 at 7:24 am

    Rafael looks like he’s related to Grandpa Munster

  40. 40.

    Starfish

    February 20, 2021 at 7:48 am

    @Shalimar: That quote was fake.

  41. 41.

    SFAW

    February 20, 2021 at 7:54 am

    @West of the Rockies:

    *Well, I was Thrid! when I started this…

    You’ll always be thrid in out hearts!

    No, wait, that not …  never mind

  42. 42.

    SFAW

    February 20, 2021 at 7:55 am

    @John Revolta:

    Deep bench my azz

    That’s not fair. The GQP does have a deep bench … of assholes.

  43. 43.

    SFAW

    February 20, 2021 at 7:57 am

    AL –

    GREAT title for this post!

  44. 44.

    Shalimar

    February 20, 2021 at 7:57 am

    @Starfish: I suspected as much, since I’m pretty sure Ted calls it global warming rather than climate change.  But I saw it in a tweet-box from 2016, so at least someone went to some effort.

  45. 45.

    SFAW

    February 20, 2021 at 8:04 am

    @scav:

    Tim Boyd is regretting missing the flight south.

    I dunno, I thought he went south pretty quickly.

  46. 46.

    Kristine

    February 20, 2021 at 8:52 am

    Not sure about Cruzin’ for a losin’. Every time he’s up for re-election, McConnell is shown to have an approval rating in the 20s and is described as the least liked political figure in KY and yet he still wins. I fear having that R after the name may also work in TX. “He may be a worthless pos, but he’s our worthless pos.”

    And yes, I know TX isn’t KY. And yes, I would love to be wrong.

  47. 47.

    trnc

    February 20, 2021 at 8:55 am

    One thing I’m sure would never cross Cruz’s mind while he’s hiding behind his daughters – preteen Malia and Sasha probably would have been volunteering where they could.

    Foser:

    Ted Cruz cutting his Cancun vacation short so he can show he takes the Texas emergency seriously by … going on Hannity

    My only gripe here is use of the word “vacation” instead of the more appropriate “getaway.”

  48. 48.

    lowtechcyclist

    February 20, 2021 at 9:42 am

    I think this must be someone’s parody, because the notion that Ted Cruz would say something this perfectly oblivious has my too-good-to-be-true-ometer buzzing like crazy. But I’m gonna toss it in here anyway:

    https://twitter.com/pantomath__/status/1362812145075855361

  49. 49.

    Barney

    February 20, 2021 at 11:00 am

    “We’ve gone on holiday by mistake!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JD2P9Px3enI

    (though I presume Cancun had better weather than the Lake District …)

  50. 50.

    Steeplejack

    February 20, 2021 at 11:06 am

    Couldn’t find this last night, but it deserves to be on the record.

    I get it now. Ted and Heidi Cruz wanted their children to be safe, to have basic sanitary services like heat and running water, to leave behind a third-world apocalyptic nightmare for a safer place. Like so many parents before them, they decided to cross the Mexican border.

    — Julie Roginsky (@julieroginsky) February 19, 2021

  51. 51.

    Rand Careaga

    February 20, 2021 at 12:15 pm

    @Pete Downunder:

    I recall Al Franken’s great line: “I like Ted Cruz better than my colleagues do. And I hate Ted Cruz”.

    A couple of years ago I had occasion to chat up a midswestern Senator at a fundraiser in Berkeley. I asked her if Ted Cuz was as charming in person as he was on television. She very tactfully replied “Actually, I think I get along with him better than most of my colleagues do.” —which of course conveyed “Yeah he’s an asshole” clearly but in perfectly anodyne language.

  52. 52.

    Tim Hall

    February 20, 2021 at 1:40 pm

    lyin ted gone cancun,
    sittin in a big hotel,
    people down in austin
    got many sad tale to tell

    lyin ted gone cancun,
    actin like he don’t know,
    people down in houston
    got no place to go

    lyin ted gone mexico,
    smokin a big cigar,
    people down in ft worth
    shiverin in their cars

    lyin ted gone to cancun,
    he don’t care at all

  53. 53.

    Dan

    February 20, 2021 at 10:15 pm

    @jl:  You would think that a man who hopes to be president one day would put on his resume helping Texas citizens get through one of the worst crisis the state has ever endured.

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