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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / I Think I’m Gonna Need A Bigger Willow

I Think I’m Gonna Need A Bigger Willow

by John Cole|  September 1, 202110:04 am| 42 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

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Now at 28 hours of rain, and up to 3-4 inches of standing water:

I Think I'm Gonna Need A Bigger Willow

As I was outside surveying my new pond, Lily came outside, started down the steps, saw the water, turned around, walked back up, and then took a shit on the deck and all I thought was “I’d do the same thing.”

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Reader Interactions

42Comments

  1. 1.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2021 at 10:11 am

    I ?Lily.  Good girl.

    And John, holy shit!  That truly is flooded.  Your willow tree is not working hard enough.

    Do you have a basement?

  2. 2.

    RaflW

    September 1, 2021 at 10:11 am

    Floods and fires. The codification of a thought crime in Texas (you just have to ‘intend to’ seek an abortion to get entangled in an ugly lawsuit filed by faithless ghouls). It’s all so damn fucked up.

    I was last at Lake Tahoe in May of 2019. I’m just feeling crushed that so much forest and so much beauty — and quite likely an entire city — are at such perilous risk, or in terms of forest, already lost.

  3. 3.

    Old School

    September 1, 2021 at 10:11 am

    Do you have a basement?  Or is flooding not an issue yet?

  4. 4.

    Gin & Tonic

    September 1, 2021 at 10:11 am

    How’s the basement?

  5. 5.

    Erin

    September 1, 2021 at 10:12 am

    I cannot think of a better metaphor for our nation today. Flood waters lapping at the (H)ouse, and clueless people who don’t want to deal with it taking a shit on the deck. Lovely.

  6. 6.

    Gin & Tonic

    September 1, 2021 at 10:13 am

    And, OK, I’m an asshole – but those lamps are not at the same height.

  7. 7.

    Spanky

    September 1, 2021 at 10:13 am

    I assume that’s not Buffalo Creek having escaped its banks, ‘csuse that wouldn’t be good.

    Sitting in the dentist’s parking lot after 6 fillings in two teeth. Gonna take a minute and make sure I’m drivable.

  8. 8.

    germy

    September 1, 2021 at 10:13 am

    Willow weep for me.

  9. 9.

    Old School

    September 1, 2021 at 10:15 am

    I can’t find Mr. Frog in that picture anywhere.

  10. 10.

    Spanky

    September 1, 2021 at 10:15 am

    @Gin & Tonic: I think they’re bird feeders.

    Edited – Never mind, there are candle thingies in there.

  11. 11.

    Betty Cracker

    September 1, 2021 at 10:15 am

    Wow, impressive waterfront property!

    It’s supposed to rain all day here too, and my dogs aren’t happy about it, especially Badger. I wouldn’t blame them either if they shat on the porch, but so far, they grimly do their business in the yard and scurry back up the stairs. They aren’t as smart as Lily.

  12. 12.

    AnonPhenom

    September 1, 2021 at 10:18 am

    Call and ask if he knows anyone in your neck of the woods.

    https://m.youtube.com/c/GateCityFoundationDrainage

  13. 13.

    Starfish

    September 1, 2021 at 10:20 am

    @WaterGirl: I saw that John Cole fellow bigfoot you.

  14. 14.

    frosty

    September 1, 2021 at 10:22 am

    Wise doggie, that Lily.

  15. 15.

    Starfish

    September 1, 2021 at 10:23 am

    @Gin & Tonic: If John Cole was not a recluse, I am sure you would be welcome to bring your level and your kayak to the yard.

  16. 16.

    geg6

    September 1, 2021 at 10:24 am

    At least it was on the deck, easily cleaned.  Lovey took one look at the crazy downpour early this morning, turned around and took a shit on the oriental rug in the dining room.  Even Koda, usually one who lingers on any outdoor activity, only spent as much time as necessary to complete emptying her bladder and colon.

    It’s supposed to be doing this all day.  I sure hope it clears out tonight.  I’m working from home tomorrow so I can concentrate on some VA benefit discrepancies from last spring and summer semesters and was looking forward to lunch on the deck.

  17. 17.

    FlyingToaster

    September 1, 2021 at 10:25 am

    The rain (yep! the same storm) is just south of here in Watertown, Massachusetts (like in Newton) and will rain for about 27 hours when it gets here.  Fortunately, I’m two blocks from the Mighty Charles and, believe me, any dam with gates (the lock at the Museum of Science?) will be opening up to let this out.  But I’m pretty sure there’ll be some extensive flooding upriver in Dover.

    We have gale warnings starting at 4am tomorrow.  Look for uprooted trees on your evening news.

    And it all coincides with Allston Christmas.  Happy flooded Storrowing!

  18. 18.

    geg6

    September 1, 2021 at 10:27 am

    @Starfish:

    He’s not a total recluse.  I can attest that he welcomes visitors.  As do Lily and Thurston.  Steve, not so much.

  19. 19.

    Ohio Mom

    September 1, 2021 at 10:27 am

    @AnonPhenom:

    I’m with you — didn’t watch your video, but I know something about having to call in drainage experts from living in this house-we-bought-for-the-school-district.

    Even if no water gets in the basement, the water-sodden soil around the house exerts pressure on the basement walls. The water makes the soil expand and makes it very heavy. Eventually the basement walls start caving in.

    No, they aren’t going to totally collapse, but even leaning in a couple of inches screws up the entire house structure. Which is expen$ive to fix.

    I imagine Cole isn’t as concerned with resale value as we are but still, that mosquito nursery of a backyard needs a drainage plan.

  20. 20.

    rattlemullet

    September 1, 2021 at 10:38 am

    JC,

    Lily did the only thing she could do. Regarding your desire for an additional Willow.

    https://www.southernliving.com/garden/grumpy-gardener/the-only-good-place-for-a-weeping-willow

    Best Regards

  21. 21.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2021 at 10:38 am

    @Gin & Tonic: You must have the same built-in perfect level sensor that I also suffer from.  That superpower comes in handy, except when it doesn’t.

  22. 22.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2021 at 10:39 am

    @Starfish: The way I see it, any John Cole post is a good post, and I am always happy to take a back seat.

    edit: but thanks for your support!  :-)

  23. 23.

    Kent

    September 1, 2021 at 10:39 am

    Is this the remnants of Ida, or some other rainstorm?

  24. 24.

    FlyingToaster

    September 1, 2021 at 10:43 am

    @Kent: Ida plus a couple smaller fronts it picked up on the way.

  25. 25.

    cope

    September 1, 2021 at 10:49 am

    @Old School: I think the new version is Find The Gator.

  26. 26.

    Ohio Mom

    September 1, 2021 at 10:53 am

    Too many women and their families will suffer as a result of that horrid Texas abortion law but one thing I am sure of, eventually there will be a backlash, and it will be a tsunami of anger. I look forward to cheering it on.

  27. 27.

    Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly, Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.)

    September 1, 2021 at 10:57 am

    Not to worry. The rain will wash it away.

  28. 28.

    Mart

    September 1, 2021 at 11:05 am

    @Ohio Mom: We were renting a house in KC MO and had a record rain. Lightning in all four windows and the old house was rocking in the wind. Heard a huge bang and thought hit by lightning. Went outside to look for fire / damage. After the storm the house sounded like a boat in a movie. All kinds of funny noises. Went to do the laundry in the evil basement a few days later and the entire north wall had collapse under the soil pressure. Landlord was not happy!

  29. 29.

    H.E.Wolf

    September 1, 2021 at 11:05 am

    @Ohio Mom: ​Too many women and their families will suffer as a result of that horrid Texas abortion law but one thing I am sure of, eventually there will be a backlash, and it will be a tsunami of anger. I look forward to cheering it on.

    I agree, and I hope it brings a tsunami of positive change.

    One of many starting places: https://www.emilyslist.org/ supports pro-choice Democratic women for elected office at the state and national levels. I read their Twitter feed when I want to feel optimistic about women in public service, working for transformative change.

  30. 30.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    September 1, 2021 at 11:13 am

    No Ida rain so far here in my corner of NoVA. But it’s supposed to start around noon and go straight through midnight. Temperature is down around 75°, so that’s good. It is dark and aquarium green outside—nice day to read and accidentally doze into a nap.

  31. 31.

    laura

    September 1, 2021 at 11:14 am

    I just donated a Franklin to Rewire News Group because fuck those fucking fuckers!

  32. 32.

    w3ski

    September 1, 2021 at 11:18 am

    Looks like time for a boat. At least a canoe.  Don’t drown out there.

    Here you are ankle-deep in water, and here I am in Northern Ca. praying for any rain to kill the approaching wildfire.

    w3ski

  33. 33.

    lowtechcyclist

    September 1, 2021 at 11:22 am

    Drain the swamp! Drain the swamp!!

  34. 34.

    Boomzilla

    September 1, 2021 at 11:50 am

    You’ve been very funny lately, John.  Even when going off on the COVIdiots.

    Drain the swamp!

    Boom

  35. 35.

    sab

    September 1, 2021 at 12:03 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Dobby the cat decided last night was a good time to add the top of the dryer to his list of spots that need to be marked ( peed on.)

  36. 36.

    Ohio Mom

    September 1, 2021 at 12:09 pm

    @Mart: 
    Wow! A basement wall *could* collapse! My imagination is not lurid enough, nor my understanding of structural engineering deep enough.

    All of our basement walls have been fortified with I-beam$ bolted to the floor and ceiling joists. Other parts of the basement could keep moving but the walls will not lean or cave in, anymore.

  37. 37.

    trollhattan

    September 1, 2021 at 12:29 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Can you share more gator call recordings with Cole? Hi might need to distinguish those from the usual background noises, given his newly found swamp-dweller status.

  38. 38.

    VOR

    September 1, 2021 at 12:32 pm

    @WaterGirl: I follow a car build on YouTube (Project Binky) where they use a digital level which beeps when level is achieved. One of their catchphrases is “Make The Noise”. They even sell shirts with the phrase on it.

  39. 39.

    NotMax

    September 1, 2021 at 12:44 pm

    Musical accompaniment.

    ;)

  40. 40.

    Betsy

    September 1, 2021 at 1:05 pm

    Has an area uphill of you been recently developed, logged, or paved?  Any of these activities will cause much more runoff.  If you look on topo maps you can scout the areas that drain down to your yard.

  41. 41.

    L&DfromSLT

    September 1, 2021 at 2:16 pm

    @RaflW: Follow South Lake Tahoe Towing, or go back and see his previous service calls on Facebook. He recorded many of them, getting peoples keys out of locked cars etc. He may have left by now. It’s heartening that so much is exactly the same as when we left on Monday the 23rd. There’s also a ring camera at 12th and Patricia that posts on Next door – looks normal. and finally, we call our home phone and the answering machine is on so we have electricity still. I leave encouraging messages for the house. “Hope you’re doing well! We miss you – see you soon!”

  42. 42.

    MikefromArlington

    September 1, 2021 at 5:51 pm

    u need a jet ski

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