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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Friday Night Open Thread

Friday Night Open Thread

by John Cole|  August 5, 202210:44 pm| 51 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

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I’ve spent the last couple of days decluttering my pantry and throwing out expired shit, and lemme just put it this way- 2018 must have been an amazing year for tomato soup because I collected a bunch of it. Also, I have a dozen cans of tomato paste (those little fuckers are stealthy) and near a dozen cans of coconut milk, so there’s curry in my future.

I got so overwhelmed with all the dried beans I had that I got out the quickpot or hastypot I can’t remember what the fuck it is called but you olds know it as a pressure cooker with settings for stupid people and I just started throwing things in. Half a bag of mixed beans, a half back of black eyed peas, some pinto beans and then it just descended from there and I threw in some cajun seasoning and then a leftover packet of paella mix and some garlic and black pepper and then I just went to the freezer and did the same thing there with two handfuls of shrimp, two lingering brats, and a lonely ham hock, grabbed a couple onions and chucked them it, and pressed a button and let the thing fuck off for an hour or so.

Came back and it was by no means the best thing I had ever made but it was edible so we’ll just eat that for the next two days until it is gone. If any of you see me in the dried beans or rice aisle of any grocery store you have my permission to hit me with a tranq dart and get me the fuck out of there.

Lowkey night tonight. Gonna watch Hacks again. What are you all up to?

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Reader Interactions

51Comments

  1. 1.

    Spanky

    August 5, 2022 at 9:46 pm

    Six minutes! Woo hoo!

  2. 2.

    Baud

    August 5, 2022 at 9:48 pm

    @Spanky:

    Beat me to it.

  3. 3.

    Omnes Omnibus

    August 5, 2022 at 9:51 pm

    @Spanky: @Baud:  So it looks like Cole got his computer fixed.

  4. 4.

    Matt McIrvin

    August 5, 2022 at 11:24 pm

    We were forced to clean out our fridge by an extended power failure last weekend.

  5. 5.

    Frankensteinbeck

    August 5, 2022 at 11:27 pm

    Still boggled that I’m still the #1 New Release in my category.  Hell, I’m only behind Hunger Games in ‘best selling’.  For a book that doesn’t come out until the 16th, has no marketing, no big publisher support, and no reviews, this is… madness.

    EDIT – Beyond that, lying in a dark room with a migraine trying to look at my phone as rarely as possible.  The low-radiation e-ink kindle was one of my smartest purchases ever.

  6. 6.

    dmsilev

    August 5, 2022 at 11:28 pm

    pressed a button and let the thing fuck off for an hour or so.

    Let me guess: you pressed the ‘yoghurt’ button.

  7. 7.

    Benw

    August 5, 2022 at 11:30 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: Yay for you! This makes me so happy

  8. 8.

    Poe Larity

    August 5, 2022 at 11:34 pm

    Maybe quiltingfool can do a quilt of all your recipes and we can auction it.

  9. 9.

    Alison Rose 💙🌻💛

    August 5, 2022 at 11:37 pm

    2018 is nothing. One time, in 2000, when I was still living at home, my parents were away on vacation and I (being the ultimate party girl) used the time to clean out the cupboards because they were jam-packed and I knew my mother would never do it. Plus, she’s never been good about checking dates on things. So I’m pulling all this stuff out, lots of it expired like 6 months to a year ago, gross, into the trash. But then I found a box of baker’s chocolate and it only had a weird code, not a clear date, so I called the 800 number on the box, and the woman I spoke with was very friendly but very confused, because the code didn’t make sense to her. So she put me on hold while she spoke with a supervisor, then came back on and was like “please throw that away now” because the reason she couldn’t figure out the code is it was the old format the company had stopped using in 1990. She was like, that thing expired about 9 years ago, please tell me you haven’t eaten any of it.

    I had fun telling my parents about that one.

  10. 10.

    WaterGirl

    August 5, 2022 at 11:44 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: I’m so tired, I can’t remember whether we actually did an Authors post for your newest book or if we just talked about doing it or if we really did it, but it was for your last book.

    Sad!

  11. 11.

    Dangerman

    August 5, 2022 at 11:48 pm

    …and there, in the deepest, darkest corner of the pantry…

    ….was the MUSTARD.

  12. 12.

    emrys

    August 5, 2022 at 11:48 pm

    @WaterGirl: on a completely different topic, when should we send in our quilt bloc requests?  Or did I miss a notice 🙀

  13. 13.

    jeffreyw

    August 5, 2022 at 11:49 pm

    @Alison Rose 💙🌻💛: ​
     
    I used to think that dried pinto beans would keep forever until I pulled some out of a dumpster, still in a storage jar. Long story. Anyway, I boiled those suckers for hours and hours and they were still like small pebbles. Tooth breakers.

  14. 14.

    Tasha

    August 5, 2022 at 11:50 pm

    The shrimp should have just gone in for a few minutes at the end but it sounds pretty tasty. I’m going to start calling mine the hastypot.

  15. 15.

    emrys

    August 5, 2022 at 11:50 pm

    @Dangerman: Dorian Grey Poupon?

  16. 16.

    dnfree

    August 5, 2022 at 11:51 pm

    @Alison Rose 💙🌻💛: When we moved in 2005 I threw away anything from the previous millennium. Pro tip:  if you find a spice tin with the price stamped on the bottom in purple ink, and the price is less than a dollar, throw it out. There were no expiration dates in the 1960s and 1970s.

  17. 17.

    frosty

    August 5, 2022 at 11:52 pm

    Just finished watching Thirteen Lives, about the Thai cave rescue of the boys soccer team. Really good movie but I had to look away from some of the underwater scenes. Too much suspense! Too claustrophobic! Too wet!!

  18. 18.

    MazeDancer

    August 5, 2022 at 11:54 pm

    Binge time of The Sandman on Netflix.

    Never read the comics, but was interested to see how an author, with unlimited budget, would oversee the production of one of his creations.

    Answer: Beautifully. It is really well done.

  19. 19.

    WaterGirl

    August 5, 2022 at 11:56 pm

    @emrys: I haven’t forgotten about the quilt blocks. :-)

    I have spent the last week playing catch-up on work for one of my clients.  I really hope to be in a respectable place by the time I go to bed on Saturday night.  Fingers crossed!

    If that works out, you can expect to see a post about quilt blocks on Sunday.  Or Monday at the latest.

  20. 20.

    Ohio Mom

    August 5, 2022 at 11:56 pm

    The past two weeks I have declutteted clothing. Eight shopping bags worth went to Goodwill. Since that is where I bought about a third of it, I enjoyed the symmetry.

    I still have one dresser drawer and the shelves in the closet left to go, that’s probably another shopping bag. Then it’s on to the hall closet.

  21. 21.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    August 6, 2022 at 12:02 am

    @MazeDancer: I’m just about to start it. Glad to see a good review. I don’t know Sandman but I’ve liked what I’ve read of Gaiman’s work

    He was on Marc Maron’s podcast earlier this week, for any fans out there

  22. 22.

    CaseyL

    August 6, 2022 at 12:07 am

    So.  I follow a fellow on Twitter, named Michael Harvey: a Rabbi who was doing a lot of ecumenical work, basic Jewish education for Jews and non-Jews alike.  He got targeted by good old American Nazis, subjected to absolutely vile threats and abuse online, and one bit of the fallout was a book deal he had (Let’s Talk: A Rabbi Speaks to Christians) was cancelled.  It was exactly as awful as you can imagine.

    Anyway, he found another publisher – or decided to self-publish – and asked his Twitter followers to spread the word.  The response was overwhelming, and he now has a book tour, guest speaking engagements, and a top-seller.   It’s been as wonderful as the earlier episode was ugly.

    Here’s the thing: I ordered the book as soon as he let us know where to get it from.  Wanting to avoid Amazon, I ordered it from Barnes & Noble.  And they screwed up the shipment.  I’m still not sure what happened: it seems the book arrived at an area UPS depot and then vanished entirely.  It was “out for delivery,” except it wasn’t.  Two, maybe three, weeks the thing was in limbo. So I gave up and called B&N customer service, but they couldn’t figure out what was going on either.  I very unhappily cancelled the order.

    Two days later the book shows up.

    But I had already gotten the refund, so I dutifully sent the book back to B&N.

    I had to be one of the first people to order it and, depending on which vendor I try next, I may be among one of the last to actually get and read the book.

    Grrrr.

  23. 23.

    BigJimSlade

    August 6, 2022 at 12:10 am

    This message has been brought to you by:

    ETA: dang, it deleted my image. It was Beano.

  24. 24.

    Captain C

    August 6, 2022 at 12:13 am

    I ran a tie dye program today at my library, for teens and tweens (and kids, too).  Dyes were in squirt bottles, so no big tubs of dye to deal with.  Everyone had fun and many good shirts were made.  Yes, I played Grateful Dead:  Scarlet->Fire and St. Stephen->NFA->St. Stephen from 5-8-77.

  25. 25.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 6, 2022 at 12:15 am

    Netflix and tub!

    Or is that Netflix and soak?

  26. 26.

    Quiltingfool

    August 6, 2022 at 12:32 am

    @Poe Larity: Recipe quilt?  Hmmm.  Best I can do is a quilt with cats as fruits and vegetables (Garden Patch Cats)…

    https://pin.it/6OhJupM

  27. 27.

    C Stars

    August 6, 2022 at 12:33 am

    Sandman, mint chocolate chip ice cream. Last night before the kids come back from their grandparents house

  28. 28.

    kalakal

    August 6, 2022 at 12:34 am

    @Frankensteinbeck: Really pleased for you.

  29. 29.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 12:35 am

    @Frankensteinbeck: Congrats and hope you feel better soon!

  30. 30.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 12:36 am

    @Dangerman: YES!!

    Arise, creature, and walk again among the living

  31. 31.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 12:38 am

    @Ohio Mom: That seems like big progress, does it feel good?

  32. 32.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 12:40 am

    @CaseyL: https://twitter.com/RabbiHarvey looks like a great follow, ty.

    FWIW I might have kept the book after they failed you so badly by that point, but I respect your integrity.

  33. 33.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 6, 2022 at 12:44 am

    @BigJimSlade: “GAS PREVENTING POWER”

  34. 34.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 12:44 am

    I survived the External Shockwave (ESWL) treatment for my kidney stone, now ‘stones’ as they blasted it up today.

    “Going ham” on the hydration as the kids would say. Grateful for the well wishes from here last night and all the kind, dedicated medical folks who’ve helped me navigate this.

    (also please warn me if you happen to reply w stories of super mega pain. I’m sorry you went through that! I know the feeling, was there years ago, but so far this time I’ve been ok. My brain has a hard time not fixating when so many folks I talk to immediately respond with intense tales of torment. Thank you in advance.)

  35. 35.

    Wapiti

    August 6, 2022 at 12:47 am

    @dnfree: if you find a spice tin with …

    … anything besides pepper or Old Bay Seasoning, know that McCormick replaced most of their metal spice tins in 1985. Pepper and OBS packaging went to plastic in 2017.

  36. 36.

    Quiltingfool

    August 6, 2022 at 12:47 am

    @emrys: Watergirl and I have been discussing this.  We haven’t forgotten!  I know folks like Patron, I’ve put together 4 of them (not quilted yet).  Today I put together 2 Russian Warship Cat,  2 Tank Cat and  2 Sunflowers Cat (I don’t remember the numbers Watergirl assigned them, those are my names, lol).  I know some of the blocks were very popular so I’m working on those first.

    I may be making some small “improvements” to some of the blocks; the Flower Headdress Kitty will look a bit different, but better, I hope.

    I took the Cats and Sunflowers raffle quilt and a couple of Patron blocks for show and tell at my quilt guild.  The ladies loved them!  A couple of guild members have been making Ukrainian donation quilt items too!  That made me very happy.

    My sewing room (the Quilt Cave) is covered with blue and yellow fabric!

  37. 37.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 6, 2022 at 12:50 am

    @AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team:

    Are you in the clear now?

  38. 38.

    BigJimSlade

    August 6, 2022 at 1:01 am

    @Captain C: Excellent choice of music!

  39. 39.

    BigJimSlade

    August 6, 2022 at 1:03 am

    @mrmoshpotato: Maybe Cole is only trying to fight fire with fire against those others in his household.

  40. 40.

    BigJimSlade

    August 6, 2022 at 1:06 am

    @AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team: Been there, done that (20+ years ago). Let’s celebrate some naked ears being tortured! (You know, because of the aforementioned tales of torment.)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CCfxiQ5QY

    ETA: I always wondered if that treatment led to smaller rocks with… sharper edges (hopefully not!)

  41. 41.

    HumboldtBlue

    August 6, 2022 at 1:38 am

    Hit “my mix” on the music button while headed to the shower.

    Allman Brothers, Roberta Flack and Charles Mingus played.

    I danced a shampoo.

  42. 42.

    AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team

    August 6, 2022 at 2:27 am

    @mrmoshpotato: we have to wait a while to know. Ty for asking! Hope you and yours are well.

  43. 43.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 6, 2022 at 2:39 am

    @AJ of the Mustard Search and Rescue team: Hope all turns out well, so you get back to the task at hand.

    Damn you, missing mustard!

  44. 44.

    Tony Jay

    August 6, 2022 at 2:59 am

    I just went to the freezer and did the same thing there with two handfuls of shrimp, two lingering brats, and a lonely ham hock

    Was not aware that you recently moved into a gingerbread house.

    Little brats deserved it, though. Lingering around where they’re not wanted.

  45. 45.

    Nancy

    August 6, 2022 at 5:11 am

    @MazeDancer:

    I hope you read the comics, ahem, graphic novels. I first looked at my son’s copies at a time when I had a high fever. Images moved across the pages.

    I’ve read them several times since. I love the books. They amaze and inspire me.

    And I want to get Netflix is so I can watch.

  46. 46.

    Anonymous At Work

    August 6, 2022 at 10:52 am

    Feel you, JC, on the dried beans.  Reminded of the quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

    Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious Dried Bean collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120669/quotes/qt0471564

  47. 47.

    C Stars

    August 6, 2022 at 11:07 am

    @Nancy: Agree. The show is pretty good! But the books are art.

  48. 48.

    Nancy

    August 6, 2022 at 12:18 pm

    @Dangerman:

    Love this comment.

  49. 49.

    StringOnAStick

    August 6, 2022 at 1:30 pm

    I did some pantry cleaning and organizing for my dad when mom died.  She always overbought and had dementia for far longer than we realised at the time but in retrospect it was obvious.

    Anyway, I picked up a well hidden can of sauerkraut and it was extremely and abnormally light.  There was an extremely tiny hole, hard to find, where all the liquid had escaped over about 15 years,maybe less, depending on when the hole actually formed.  I also found 12 different large jars of mayo.

  50. 50.

    Nancy

    August 6, 2022 at 5:18 pm

    @ Stars: 

    The child living in Dream in the ruined city. Stays with me.

  51. 51.

    Nancy

    August 6, 2022 at 5:18 pm

    @ Stars: 

    The child living in Dream in the ruined city. Stays with me.

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