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A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires.

Can we lighten up on the doomsday scenarios?

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Let’s show the world that autocracy can be defeated.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

It’s not hopeless, and we’re not helpless.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

If marriage is the equivalent of selling yourself into slavery, women with self respect should reject the offer.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

It looks like winning debates is a black job!

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.

Speaker Mike Johnson is a vile traitor to the House and the Constitution.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I like political parties that aren’t owned by foreign adversaries.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

You are here: Home / Garden Chats / A Minor Problem

A Minor Problem

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So for the last couple of years I have reserved the land on the sides of my deck (about 8 feet wide and 40 feet long) for planting squash and melons, and this year I did the same. I sort of just plant them and then forget about them for a few months. Usually not an issue. This year, though, it went berserk:

A Minor Problem

To make matters worse, I don’t remember what I planted. I know I planted some butternut squash (I can easily identify them- they are not pictured and are on the other side of the deck) as well as some musk melons and watermelons (again, not pictured). This, on the other hand, I have no fucking idea what it is:

A Minor Problem 1

I have a dozen of those, football sized and dense as all hell. I have no idea what it is. Do any of you?

Reader Interactions

56Comments

  1. 1.

    Roger Moore

    That looks like a gray zucchini.  They’re delicious if you harvest them while they’re still young and tender, so you’re probably too late if they’ve made it to football sized.  Try picking one and see what you think.

  7. 7.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Willow pods. We told you it was too close to the house.

    Run. Don’t look back.

  9. 9.

    lurker

    that frog you were positioning and taking photographs of and then apparently lost track of so the photos stopped…

    well, the frog did some unholy things with the willow and the mustard and now you have this coming out of your deck.  I hope it can be contained in the south, but we might have to sacrifice a few states to deal with this.  Game over man!  The only way to be sure is to nuke them from orbit.

    …

    or, you know, might be pretty good sautéed in butter ‘cuz that pretty much makes everything taste good…

  10. 10.

    opiejeanne

    @Roger Moore: I have gray zucchinis, two plants, and they do look like that but I’ve never let one get that big.

    I also have the standard dark green variety, just one plant, and have so many right now that I’ve been making zucchini bread.

    I also over-planted the Swiss chard and no matter how much we eat it looks like we haven’t even touched the plants. They’re like the Magic Pot.

  15. 15.

    kalakal

    It’s a really rare variety of zucchini “Willows Revenge”. You’re perfectly safe unless it senses fear

  17. 17.

    Argiope

    Sometimes they just cross pollinate and do their own damn thing.  Cook them fast before they start scratching on your windows at night.

  19. 19.

    TaMara

    Are you sure it’s not a pumpkin? I say let it keep growing until it looks like something familiar or like something that needs to be killed with fire.

  20. 20.

    Another Scott

    Google on my PC tells me it’s “Superfood”.

    Google Lens on my phone tells me it’s like “round zucchini summer squash”.  The marking is like that, but it’s obviously not round.  Yet?

    Is this like going to be a weekly feature like Find Mr. Frog??  How is he anyway??!

    HTH!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  22. 22.

    Bill Arnold

    Those are feral squash of some sort. Maybe a hybrid that somebody is selling as a joke. :-) (Grey Zucchini, people say? Hmmm.)

    Seriously, though, this year I have like 6 volunteer tomato plants, They got an earlier start than the packaged seeds, and are doing well. First tomatoes of the season were small cherries from a plant growing in a crack between driveway pavement and a concrete patio slab. (Fertilized and watered ’cause tomatoes like fertilizer and water.)

  23. 23.

    Amir Khalid

    It’s the official football being grown by adidas for this year’s World Cup. It’s not widely known, but soccer balls are actually the fruits of a plant secretly cultivated by sports-equipment farmers. (I have no idea how the seed got into your yard.)

  28. 28.

    Dark Steep

    This, on the other hand, I have no fucking idea what it is.

    I think that’s one of those Alien pods. Don’t bend over it and look inside when it opens up.

  31. 31.

    Scout211

    Definitely a zucchini.  They come in different colors and shapes.  I agree with the commenter up-thread that said it already has grown too large.  Zucchinis that large are edible but the seeds are huge and not really edible. So it’s not good for slicing anymore. But you could make stuffed zucchini (zucchini boats?) after you scoop all the seeds out of the middle.

  32. 32.

    marv

    I haven’t grown Lakota squash for a few years but that’s the way I remember them looking before they fully ripen and change color

  34. 34.

    Betsy

    So John .. I have no idea what it is, but squirreled away with other useless knowledge, I do  know that squash species can go feral and revert to a more bitter/toxic ancestral type which if eaten can even, sometimes, result in mild to severe poisoning.

    I forget the name of this. Something like cucurbit poisoning?

    Just in case some plants re-seeded themselves from last year .. umm .. be careful and safe?

    ETA: I googled it and it’s called, I kid you not, Toxic Squash Syndrome.

    I swear I’m not kidding.

  40. 40.

    Betsy

    @opiejeanne:

    @Barbara:

    Make your favorite cucumber pickles or relish with zucchini.  Tastes indistinguishable, but much more nutritious than cukes!  Uses a ton of zucchini very quickly.

    Barbara Pleasant has an easy, incredible sweet zucchini relish recipe on her blog.

  41. 41.

    eachother

    Going with pumpkin.
    Also going with cross pollen mentioned above.

    Bees are loose with the florals. 

  42. 42.

    sab

    I think tomorrow I will make zucchini quiche from “Vegetarian Epicure.” Haven’t made it since I got married, so I can gnaw on it until spouse gets released from hospital.

    ETA Sliced zucchini layered with sour cream sauce in a pie shell, then baked.

  44. 44.

    sab

    Had a hummingbird feeding off my hanging basket impatiens. If I put a hummimgbird feeder under one of the baskets will I get ants in my living room?

  50. 50.

    mrmoshpotato

    @glc:

    You’d better watch out for

    The eggplant that ate Chicago

    If he’s still hungry

    The whole country is doomed.

    I hope we were delicious.

  51. 51.

    mrmoshpotato

    Haha

    My bank allows me to choose my own personalized ID question to prove I'm me. So now when I call, they *have* to ask me 'Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?' And I must answer, 'Shaft.'— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) July 19, 2022

  52. 52.

    LeftCoastYankee

    It’s one of the squash my CSA would send me, which had many great recipe options like:

    1. “cut up into small pieces and saute with onions”
    2. “cut up into small pieces and boil it to death (also with onions) and call it ‘Irish’ soup”
    3. “baste with olive oil and 8 lbs. brown sugar and broil the hell out of it (and include potatoes so you’ll have something to eat)”
    4. “throw at the witches and goblins on Halloween”
  53. 53.

    bjacques

    Dead thread, but zucchini flowers = yum. Especially fried with or without batter, and filled with goat’s cheese.

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