Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Let me file that under fuck it.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

All hail the time of the bunny!

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Happy Birthday To Me!

Happy Birthday To Me!

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I’m 53. Whatever.

For my birthday, I asked the twittersphere for a favor:

If you click on the link you are going to get hundreds of pets in hats and costumes. Their gift to me is my gift to you!

Still waiting on my fucking check from Soros, though.

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  3. 3.

    cain

    Happy Birthday, young man! (you’re a year younger than me) – You have the “Herbie” number – 53! Ocho! :)

    Also, asking for ‘pets in hats’ literally guarantees people going to a stable diffusion website and generating cats with hats ;)

  6. 6.

    FelonyGovt

    Happy birthday!

    Still waiting on my fucking check from Soros, though.

     
    Aren’t we all.

  13. 13.

    satby

    Looked and looked, but I don’t have any of my herd, past or present, in costume. So I just said Happy Birthday, and repeat the best wishes for an awesome coming year here.

  16. 16.

    trollhattan

    Woo-hoo, enjoy! They’re a precious commodity, these orbits.

    🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈

  18. 18.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I can hardly get pictures at all, so far, of the three feral cats that come around, let alone get close enough to put hats and costumes on them, but they all (Greymalkin, Hoover, and Hoover’s Kitten) wish you the happiest of birthdays!

  20. 20.

    Geminid

    Happy birthday!

    Since 53 is a prime number, if anyone asks your age you can answer, “Let’s just say I’m in my prime.”

  21. 21.

    BeautifulPlumage

    Happy Birthday! So glad you’ve found Joelle and can be on vacay with her during your BD. You sound much happier. Have a great one!

  28. 28.

    BeautifulPlumage

    Sooo many cute pics on your Twitter! Is Mike in Oly really good at Photoshop or are his cats really that cool?

  33. 33.

    James E Powell

    Happy Birthday! It’s a cliche, but true, you are 53 years young. Many happy years ahead.

  35. 35.

    Anne Laurie

    Many happy returns, Cole, and regards to Joelle for helping make this a happy birthday for you!

  37. 37.

    becca

    Happy Birfday! I would send in a pic of my recently adopted Sadie, but she would eat anything I could manage to get on her before I could snap it. We’re going through the “everything is food or a toy” stage right now. It’s a stage, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s a stage.

  38. 38.

    Maxim

    Happy birthday, John! This site is also your gift to us, every day. I hope your next trip around the sun brings you many good things.

  39. 39.

    Ivan X

    I’m 53 too. I think Soros came through for me, but I can’t be sure because it was a black copter, pizza joint, possibly deep state operation. I did get the payoff in the end — I was hoping for cash, but it was a crypto wallet that I tried to cash out but Biden’s SEC is blocking all the fiat off-ramps. Still, I got mine. Maybe I had a leg up on Cole because I’m Jewish.

    ETA: @Alison Rose got to the Jew joke first!

  41. 41.

    Ruckus

    John, Happy Birthday! Did you call your parents and thank them?

    Still waiting on my fucking check from Soros, though.

    I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    It was lost in the mail.

    The dog ate it.

    A billionaire is going to write you a check….  His secretary cashed it at the local liquor store and laughed all the way to the bank at how few zeros it had.

  44. 44.

    Sure Lurkalot

    No pets but I’ll tilt my evening beer in a toast with fine words and gestures! Happy birthday!

  45. 45.

    terraformer

    happy birthday, sir!

    and may this place you’ve created that helped keep me sane in the aughts and since, may it also reach others and help keep them sane as well, forevermore

  47. 47.

    mvr

    Happy Birthday John Cole! 53 means you were a young man when you created this Den of Jackals.

  48. 48.

    Meyerman

    Happy Birthday, Cole! Would you just stop trying to make us happy while pretending to hate us all? The cognitive dissonance is exhausting. But seriously, many, many happy returns of the day!

  49. 49.

    JMG

    Happy Birthday! Mine’s next week, I’m a little older than you, if we define “little” in terms of decades.

  50. 50.

    bbleh

    Still waiting on my fucking check from Soros, though.

    Oh that’s just what they tell you to say.

    Happy birthday!  Don’t spend it all in one place.

  51. 51.

    Redshift

    Happy Birthday, John!

    I missed your request on Twitter, but it doesn’t matter because if I put a hat on Joe the Bunny, there’s no way it would stay there long enough to get a photo.

  52. 52.

    Sparkedcat

    Happy Birthday young man! My Soros check was sent to a Nigerian Prince by mistake. All I have to do is send $450.00 and the funds will be released immediately.

  53. 53.

    geg6

    Happy birthday, John.  Good wishes to you from Lovey, Koda and Cleo.  None of whom will tolerate a hat.

  54. 54.

    Jackie

    Happy Birthday, John! I don’t follow Twitter, but did you fulfill your birthday wish with pics of Steve, Max and Thurston bedecked?

  57. 57.

    Almost Retired

    Happy Happy Birthday!   I am temporarily petless, so I asked my oldest son to contribute a photo of the beloved Grand-dog, a quirky and loveable pit bull mix who is somewhere on the spectrum and loves wearing the many different colorful pajamas my wife buys for her (we’re a bit overdue for grandchildren).  My son refused.  “I am not giving you a photo for you to share with your creepy old imaginary internet friends.”  So offensive.  You all are not imaginary.

  60. 60.

    lowtechcyclist

    @Geminid: ​
     

    Since 53 is a prime number, if anyone asks your age you can answer, “Let’s just say I’m in my prime.”

    It is a prime, but there are lots of those. (Infinitely many, of course.) I think of it more as a full deck + a joker.

    Happy birthday, John, however you want to look at it, and I’m glad you get to celebrate it this year with someone special!

  64. 64.

    kalakal

    Happy birthday. No pets in hats ( the cats would kill me) but here’s a cute little doggo who believes every meal should be a party and brings some friends along*

    Lunon

    *At first I thought he must be lonely but there is another dog in the video

  67. 67.

    MazeDancer

    Happy Birthday, John!

    My pantherinni kitty Kai is among your hat wearers. Great idea and much fun for all. Pretty sure you get a b-day wish come true for every participating pet.

  70. 70.

    whatsleft

    Happy Birthday JC!  Thank you for making this jackal hangout come into being 🥰.  And thanks to all those who are keeping it a top 10000 blog!

  71. 71.

    NJ Henderson

    Happy birthday, John. I’ve been coming here for years and years, although I rarely post. Best wishes for everything ahead!

  72. 72.

    Rileys Enabler

    Happy birthday! Riley won’t wear hats or outfits of any kind- ever- but she hopes you have a wonderful day all the same!

  73. 73.

    dww44

    Happy Birthday, John.  You are just a young thing.  Here’s to many more birthdays and wedding anniversaries to celebrate!

  74. 74.

    kindness

    The animal pics people tweeted back to John are awesome.

    Happy Birthday Big Boy.  Soon to be less big.

  75. 75.

    Joelle

    Happy Purrrrthday My Love.  I’m so happy I got to share it with you. Thank you for another purrrfect day. XXOO – Joelle

  76. 76.

    Mai Naem mobileI

    Happy Birthday John. Hope you’re having a wonderful day. On Soros, you have to be asking the son Alex. George has retired so maybe you’ve been sending your demands to the wrong Soros.

  77. 77.

    A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)

    Happy Birthday John!  And thanks for Balloon Juice, blogfather :-)

  80. 80.

    Zelma

    So young!  Happy birthday.  I have pictures of Bandit in costumes but no ability to post them.  That’s what comes of being really old.  Thank you for Balloon Juice.

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