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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Excellent Links / *Very* Late Night Open Thread: To Whomever Misplaced Their Cocaine in the White House…

*Very* Late Night Open Thread: To Whomever Misplaced Their Cocaine in the White House…

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… Secret Service officials combed through “security systems” and indexed “several hundreds individuals” who entered the West Wing in the days preceding the discovery and were unable to identify a suspect, according to the USSS statement. The Secret Service said FBI lab results from the packaging found “insufficient DNA” and could not retrieve any fingerprints.

“Therefore, the Secret Service is not able to compare evidence against the known pool of individuals,” a statement from the USSS said.

Investigators were also unable to identify the particular moment or day when the baggie was left inside the West Wing cubby near the lower level entrance where it was discovered.

“There was no surveillance video footage found that provided investigative leads or any other means for investigators to identify who may have deposited the found substance in this area,” the agency’s statement said. “Without physical evidence, the investigation will not be able to single out a person of interest from the hundreds of individuals who passed through the vestibule where the cocaine was discovered. At this time, the Secret Service’s investigation is closed due to a lack of physical evidence.”

A source familiar with the investigation told CNN that the leading theory remains that it was left by one of the hundreds of visitors who entered the West Wing that weekend for tours and were asked to leave their phones inside those cubbies…

GOP Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene told reporters that the Secret Service informed members in their briefing that it had narrowed its list of suspects down to 500 people. Greene, who said part of the briefing was classified, said she asked Secret Service if they would drug test those individuals and she said their answer was no.

The list includes a mixture of staffers and others on a tour, according to GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert, but the Secret Service would not provide specifics.

Boebert said the cocaine was found in locker number 50 and the key to that locker is missing. A number of members raised issues with the locker system and how it needs to be more secure…

Don’t be silly, nobody would sell Boebert cocaine. A mixture of lactose and cornstarch, sure, but the real stuff? C’mon!…

(My personal bet would be either a member of the Secret Service, or a GOP ratf*cker. Possibly both!)

Reader Interactions

40Comments

  2. 2.

    mrmoshpotato

    Oh Lara…

    We all know you scumbags snorted it everywhere but the White House.

  3. 3.

    Martin

    I mean, Don Jr is doing the whole Ship of Theseus thing but replacing his body mass with cocaine. At what point did it stop being him entering the WH and turn into human cocaine replicant entering the WH?

  4. 4.

    SpaceUnit

    Media:  We prayed to Jesus for a recession but all we got was this shitty little bag of blow.

  5. 5.

    Martin

    I see statistics that as many as 15% of Americans have used cocaine at least once, so of the 500 suspects ~75 of them have used assuming they’re representative of the general public.

    On the one hand, yeah, good luck tracking that down. On the other hand, that suggests at least one Supreme Court justice (we all agree it’s Kavanaugh, right? That one’s kind of obvious) 15 members of the senate, and 66 members of the house have used. Maybe we shouldn’t get too hung up on who among us has or has not used it because we’re disqualifying a lot of people here.

  6. 6.

    Brachiator

    JUST IN: The Secret Service ends its investigation into bag of cocaine found at the White House without finding a suspect, sources say…

    A little cocaine left at a little locker. What a bunch of lightweights. From a December 2021 BBC News story:

    The Sunday Time reports all but one of 12 lavatory areas in Parliament that were tested showed traces of cocaine, adding the House of Commons Commission – responsible for the running of the Palace of Westminster – was considering allowing the use of sniffer dogs to detect users.

    Mere alcohol

    Doesn’t thrill them at all.

  7. 7.

    Amir Khalid

    I’m sure a good many Republicans will be shocked — shocked, I tells ya! — but this was always a possible outcome, that the provenance of the cocaine baggie would turn out to be untraceable. Not that it’s going to stop the GOP raising a big stink over nothing.

  9. 9.

    OzarkHillbilly

    When Jr dies we’ll be able to freebase his ashes.

    Who the fuck would want to?

  12. 12.

    Lacuna Synecdoche

    Was just reading some more about the surfboard attacking otter, and started thinking: whales attacking boats, otters attacking surfboards… maybe Mother Nature and/or marine mammals are trying to tell us something.

    Or… I guess it’s possible that they’re just snorting coke.

  15. 15.

    David Chop

    I’ve been going with the Occam’s razor explanation that it was a Secret Service agent. Those choads have proven time and again *not* to be the Boy Scouts they like to portray themselves as. But this:

    A source familiar with the investigation told CNN that the leading theory remains that it was left by one of the hundreds of visitors who entered the West Wing that weekend for tours and were asked to leave their phones inside those cubbies…

    fits the razor even better. So here on planet reality, a nothing burger. Over in crazy-town/right wing media however,  ‘ol Mr. Occam is unlikely to get any play. So it goes.

  17. 17.

    Jeffg166

    No finger prints or enough DNA on the item makes me think it was carefully planned.

  18. 18.

    Ruckus

    @sukabi:

    Could also be some person who left the baggy there to make trouble or because they thought they might be searched…..

  20. 20.

    Patricia Kayden

    I don’t really know why this is even a big deal. It has nothing to do with the Biden administration. And it’s hard for me to believe that if cocaine was found in a locker, whoever used the locker can’t be tracked down.
    **shrugs**

    On to the next fake Republican-generated scandal.

  21. 21.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @JPL: Or maybe not. I’m still going with “idiot wolf from Wall Street” or some other such up and coming maker and shaker who has yet to be held to account for any of his/her misbehaviors.

  22. 22.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Patricia Kayden: ​
      If the lockers are like what I remember from my old days of riding busses across country, I can easily see them being hard to identify, especially if you can’t narrow down the time frame in which it was left.

  23. 23.

    satby

    No fingerprints, easy peasy: go back through the video and look for the visitor wearing gloves. Yeah, it was planted. The GQP going batshit screaming conspiracy is a tell, they thought this smear would work.

  25. 25.

    K-Mo

    @David Chop: I got a kick out of this.  The baggie was found in one of the little cubbies where visitors put their phones, and “the leading theory “ is that it was left by a visitor to the building.

    The thing that surprises me is that there’s no video of that area.

  26. 26.

    sab

    @sukabi: Reminds me of when the Dobbs draft leaked and of course the S Ct. investigation found nothing. Investigating ones own is so difficult.

  28. 28.

    artem1s

    @Martin:

    Maybe we shouldn’t get too hung up on who among us has or has not used

    Maybe 15% of the population has used (at least once in their lives), but what percent is using to the extent that they carry around bags of the stuff AND forget to leave it in the car/at home when they are taking a trip on to federal property filled with law enforcement?

    Either they’ve done it before and knew they could get it in and leave there without getting caught or they were drug addled stupid and got very, very lucky. Occam’s Razor suggests they knew what they were doing wouldn’t get them into trouble. So they’ve done it before and knew getting it that far wouldn’t trigger alarms or a body search. And they intended to leave there cause if you can’t go a half day without your stash you wouldn’t forget it when you leave.

  30. 30.

    BellyCat

    @K-Mo: The thing that surprises me is that there’s no video of that area.

    Duh… Everybody knows that locker 50 is the only one obscured from surveillance cameras!

    Seriously, this entire story is so hinky. With no fingerprints or DNA, this was a plant by an insider aware of blind surveillance spots.

  31. 31.

    p.a.

    Not surprised they can’t track down the owner; their competence atrophied after years of knowing any found was Don Jr’s.

  32. 32.

    Tony Jay

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but leaving a big bag of cocaine with no fingerprints or DNA on it a White House locker that doesn’t have a CCTV camera pointed at it would seem to suggest that the big bag of cocaine was either supposed to be picked up by someone in the building or it was supposed to be found.

    I think option B.

  33. 33.

    Anne Laurie

    @BellyCat: With no fingerprints or DNA, this was a plant by an insider aware of blind surveillance spots.

    I’ve been assuming the surveillance cameras came down during the TFG regime, when nobody wanted to know which family members were carrying various forms of contraband.

  34. 34.

    JaneE

    This really stinks of a setup.  The GOP needs something to hit Biden with, but no DNA, no fingerprints, and no video, just cocaine?  Someone planned to leave that.  Cui bono?

  35. 35.

    The Moar You Know

    the Secret Service knows goddamn well whose cocaine that was.  I’m going with “pro-Trump ratfucker” until someone coughs up definitive proof otherwise.

  36. 36.

    Denali5

    This seems strangely reminiscent of the Jeffrey Epstein “suicide” when somehow the video cameras were not working or turned off.  Funny that.

  37. 37.

    Kathleen

    @satby: SS probably just happened to turn off the cameras “for maintenance” which is why they just couldn’t ID anyone!

  39. 39.

    Mart

    “Greene… said she asked Secret Service if they would drug test those individuals and she said their answer was no.”

    Maybe their answer was no because cocaine is flushed from the system in a day or two, you ignoramus.

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