• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • Comment
  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

You cannot shame the shameless.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Chutkan laughs. Lauro sits back down.

Thanks for reminding me that Van Jones needs to be slapped.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

T R E 4 5 O N

Cole is on a roll !

I was promised a recession.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Mobile Menu

  • Winnable House Races
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Balloon Juice 2023 Pet Calendar (coming soon)
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • War in Ukraine
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • 2021-22 Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / Guest Post: Note from Alison Rose

Guest Post: Note from Alison Rose

by WaterGirl|  August 27, 20233:00 pm| 135 Comments

This post is in: Balloon Juice

FacebookTweetEmail

Alison Rose:

Hello jackals,

I want to first extend my deep gratitude to John and WaterGirl for front-paging this for me. It’s a huge favor and I am very appreciative.

I’m currently on State Disability Insurance due to health issues that caused me to have to leave my job last fall. SDI in California is only for one year, and my claim will expire at the end of September. At that time, I will be applying for SSDI (I cannot do so before the claim expires), but having been through this before in my early 30s, I know that process can take a few months. I have no other income and no savings. So I am humbly hoping that this community will be able to help me through this interim period*.  If you are inclined to help out, here is the link to the GoFundMe.

I’ve talked on here about other health issues I’ve dealt with in the recent past. Alongside those issues I also developed what became a diagnosis of acute anxiety and panic disorder, which eventually grew to include agoraphobia. For a few years, it was mostly under control. I was somewhat limited but still able to go to the store and such, and once I got my office job in fall of 2018, go to work every day.

But it kept getting worse, making those things harder and harder to do, and in late summer/early fall of 2019, it really began to spiral. (I have no idea why — there is nothing I can point to at that time in my life as a reason.) Once the pandemic hit and quarantine started, and I was working from home and being told by the government not to go anywhere, at first it felt like a gift. But it quickly proved to be the opposite. It’s sort of like when you have poison oak or chickenpox and the only thing you want to do is scratch all over even knowing that will make it worse. For agoraphobia, lockdown was scratching the itch, and it felt great, until it didn’t.

At this point, I have not left my apartment in a year and a half, other than a few trips to the trash chute about 15 feet from my door (we have a trash service so I only have to use the chute sporadically). My brothers take my mom grocery shopping every Saturday and they stop by here so she can bring my mail upstairs to me. I use a laundry service even though there is a laundry room on the premises. I use Instacart for all of my shopping. And so on.

And in case you were wondering: Yes, it sucks! Massively! I haven’t felt sunlight on my skin in all this time. The only fresh air I get is by standing at the open window. I can’t do my own shopping and have to rely on the not-always-reliable Instacart people. I can’t browse in the bookstore, literally my favorite activity. I couldn’t see my favorite band when they came through NorCal on tour. I can’t visit my mother or brothers or friends. And worst of all, I couldn’t visit my father in his last days, something I’ll never forgive myself for.

I’ve tried to find remote work, but it’s complicated by my illness. I was a customer service rep for a local mail order small business. When quarantine began, we all started working from home, and they let me continue doing so even after everyone else was back in the office. For a while, it was fine. But the agoraphobia kept growing, and eventually it began to affect being on the phone. It’s hard to explain, but being on the phone with someone, especially in a situation like work calls where I can’t just end the call when I need to, is the same as being in their physical presence, which is not something most people with agoraphobia can do. I began having attack symptoms while on customer calls.

For me, panic attacks can become physical, full-body attacks that have at times led to complete temporary paralysis, for which I’ve had to be taken to the ER by EMTs more than once. It is a terrifying experience. I tried to push through, but as fall approached last year and we were getting into our busy season, I knew there was no way I could cope with it. I had a lot of other duties as the department lead and the only one who knew how to do much of the work, and I asked for accommodation, and they said no. And unfortunately, finding a job that is 100% remote, does not involve the phone, and that I have any qualifications for at all has proved futile.

I’m not looking to dwell in the lap of luxury. I just want to be able to pay the rent on this hovel I live in, pay my PG&E, phone, and internet bills, buy groceries, and a few other basics. I’m hoping to bring in enough to bridge the gap between SDI and SSDI**. I will be eternally grateful to all of you for your kindness and generosity. You may be vicious jackals, but you’re also mensches of the highest order. Thanks, friends.

*The GFM is in my mother’s name. The money will be going to her account and she will use it to cover my living expenses.

**I’m aware that not all SSDI claims are approved on the first go-round. I was fortunate the first time that mine was, but I realize it’s not a guarantee. However, that stress is not something I can add to all the other stress I have at this moment, so we can leave that little nugget be.

Alison

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Ramblings
Next Post: War for Ukraine Day 550: Russia Bombards Ukraine Again spy v. spy flyouts»

Reader Interactions

  • Commenters
  • Filtered
  • Settings

Commenters

No commenters available.

  • A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
  • Alison Rose
  • Almost Retired
  • Andrya
  • Another Scott
  • arrieve
  • Avalie
  • BeautifulPlumage
  • bjacques
  • Caroline
  • CarolPW
  • chrisanthemama
  • ColoradoGuy
  • de-lurker
  • Debbie(Aussie)
  • Delk
  • divF
  • dkinPa
  • EarthWindFire
  • eclare
  • EmbraceYourInnerCrone
  • Eolirin
  • errg
  • frosty
  • gene108
  • hedgehog the occasional commenter
  • HumboldtBlue
  • I gotta get out of this place
  • Ixnay
  • Joy in FL
  • JoyceCB
  • kalakal
  • Kathleen
  • Kristine
  • LAO
  • laura
  • Layer8Problem
  • LifeInTheBonusRound
  • LiminalOwl
  • lowtechcyclist
  • Madeleine
  • Mai Naem mobileI
  • Matt Smith
  • Maxim
  • MomSense
  • Mr. Bemused Senior
  • mrmoshpotato
  • Nancy
  • Nelle
  • oldster
  • Omnes Omnibus
  • OzarkHillbilly
  • persistentillusion
  • pieceofpeace
  • Pika
  • raven
  • Raven
  • Rose Weiss
  • RSA
  • Ruviana
  • S Cerevisiae
  • sab
  • Sister Golden Bear
  • SiubhanDuinne
  • skerry
  • SkyBluePink
  • SomeRandomFellow
  • Spanish Moss
  • Steeplejack
  • SteveinPHX
  • strange visitor (from another planet)
  • TEL
  • thalarctosMaritimus
  • Timill
  • Tom Levenson
  • tomtofa
  • Torrey
  • twbrandt
  • Villago Delenda Est
  • WaterGirl
  • Wolvesvalley
  • Yarrow
  • zhena gogolia

Filtered Commenters

No filtered commenters available.

    Settings




    Settings are saved immediately; press X to close the box.

    135Comments

    1. 1.

      Matt Smith

      August 27, 2023 at 3:10 pm

      I feel for you. I’m sorry you have to go public this way. Wishing you more understanding and support than you expect. And I hope you find your way to the self-forgiveness that today seems impossible.

      Reply
    2. 2.

      zhena gogolia

      August 27, 2023 at 3:12 pm

      I just chipped in. Best of luck, Alison. We value your contribution to this site.

      ETA: I have mild agoraphobia, and I know it’s not something you can just talk yourself out of. And I know that Covid seemed to help but it’s been worse ever since.

      Reply
    3. 3.

      RSA

      August 27, 2023 at 3:15 pm

      Best of luck, Alison.

      I’m aware that not all SSDI claims are approved on the first go-round. I was fortunate the first time that mine was, but I realize it’s not a guarantee.

      Chart 11 on this SSDI Program page from 2020 has this caption:

      The final award rate for disabled-worker applicants has varied over time, averaging 31 percent for claims filed from 2010 through 2019. The percentage of applicants awarded benefits at the initial claims level averaged 21 percent over the same period and ranged from a high of 23 percent to a low of 20 percent. The percentages of applicants awarded at the reconsideration and hearing levels have averaged 2 percent and 8 percent, respectively. Denied disability claims have averaged 67 percent.

      When I had to deal with SSDI, I followed the advice of hiring a lawyer. It’s an additional expense, but I think it streamlined the process, maybe improved the chances, and certainly provided more peace of mind.

      Reply
    4. 4.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 3:15 pm

      Donated.

      Reply
    5. 5.

      bjacques

      August 27, 2023 at 3:22 pm

      Likewise. We got yer back.

      Reply
    6. 6.

      TEL

      August 27, 2023 at 3:27 pm

      Donated. I hope SSDI comes through quickly for you. Like you, I’m a north bay jackal and we’ve got to stick together!

      Reply
    7. 7.

      Raven

      August 27, 2023 at 3:28 pm

      In

      Reply
    8. 8.

      BeautifulPlumage

      August 27, 2023 at 3:28 pm

      I love and appreciate your comments here. I wish I could chip in more, but I’ve had to put all donations/ subscriptions on hold until I find a job myself (promising interview scheduled for Tue). Please stay involved here and keep up the fight.

      Reply
    9. 9.

      Layer8Problem

      August 27, 2023 at 3:32 pm

      Added to, with the best wishes.  Send my regards to my partner’s brother in the East Bay.

      Reply
    10. 10.

      Another Scott

      August 27, 2023 at 3:32 pm

      Donated.

      Hang in there. We’re pulling for you.

      Best wishes,
      Scott.

      Reply
    11. 11.

      HumboldtBlue

      August 27, 2023 at 3:33 pm

      OK, Toon lost, and it was glorious to watch, particularly as it was Liverpool doing the winning, so have some cash to salve the wound.

      @BeautifulPlumage:

      Good luck!

      Reply
    12. 12.

      SiubhanDuinne

      August 27, 2023 at 3:34 pm

      Donated. Even if we haven’t been in your exact situation, many (if not most) of us here have spent time in the vicinity. I always love to see your name pop up in comments, and I hope you’ll be in a better space soon. Good luck to you.

      Reply
    13. 13.

      SiubhanDuinne

      August 27, 2023 at 3:35 pm

      @BeautifulPlumage:

      Good luck on the interview! Fingers, etc., all crossed.

      Reply
    14. 14.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 3:36 pm

      When I broke my back in a wreck I was hurt too badly for unemployment and not bad enough for SSID!

      Reply
    15. 15.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 3:37 pm

      @raven: Bad planning on your part.  Obviously.

      Reply
    16. 16.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 3:38 pm

      @Omnes Omnibus: I still had some GI Bill!

      Reply
    17. 17.

      Almost Retired

      August 27, 2023 at 3:39 pm

      OK, I’m in.  The safety net in this country totally blows.

      Reply
    18. 18.

      strange visitor (from another planet)

      August 27, 2023 at 3:41 pm

      sorry to hear about your problems. i hope you can figure out a way to get a handle on them. MI’s are very difficult to deal with. i speak from personal experience. i’m a highly medicated, regularly treated, crazy person. bipolar as can be.

      have you tried SSI? it’s easier to clear the procedural hurdles and there are lower bars.

      Reply
    19. 19.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 3:42 pm

      Ten percent of the way there in about a half hour.

      Reply
    20. 20.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 3:42 pm

      @raven: Yeah, but that was also due to some bad planning on your part.

      Reply
    21. 21.

      Andrya

      August 27, 2023 at 3:45 pm

      I’m in.  Hang in there, we have your back.

      Reply
    22. 22.

      skerry

      August 27, 2023 at 3:46 pm

      I’m in.

      As a fellow traveler through SSDI, I also urge you to get an attorney to push the application through.

      Reply
    23. 23.

      OzarkHillbilly

      August 27, 2023 at 3:50 pm

      In for $25, wish I could do more.

      When I filed for my SSDI I used a lawyer. Still got initially denied but he was able to expedite my appeal as he already had all my records and paperwork. It didn’t cost me a dime up front and he got his compensation out of my back benefits, and at that he was limited by law as to how much he could take.
      He was very helpful and well worth the money.

      Reply
    24. 24.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 3:51 pm

      Hello all. Just want to pop in to say thanks again to John and WG, thanks to everyone who has given and in advance to everyone else who will. It was exceeeeeeedingly hard for me to ask them to do this (as John called me out on when I first messaged him, haha), not because I don’t like to ask for help but because I have constant imposter syndrome and always wonder if I deserve it. But anyway…many many thanks all around to all of you.

      Regarding the lawyer thing — I was one of the fortunate ones my first time around, and my SSDI was approved right away. (Well, not “right away” but without the denial/appeal process.) But that was for a different illness, one where you could glance at my medical chart for two seconds and be like “Uh yeah this is not a well person”. It’s possible I might need legal help this time, since I don’t know if the federal government looks less empathetically on mental health vs physical health, and I will look into that.

      Thank you again, folks. Endless gratitude 💜💜💜

      Reply
    25. 25.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 3:51 pm

      @RSA: I agree with you on hiring the lawyer. We went through that with my husband 15 years ago. I don’t think he would have won without the lawyer. As I remember, they usually work on a contingency basis with very strict limits on the percent they can charge.

      Alison, you are among the handful of non-front page jackals that keep this blog alive by active, responsible commenting.

      Reply
    26. 26.

      EmbraceYourInnerCrone

      August 27, 2023 at 3:52 pm

      Donated. I hope SSDI comes through for you

      Reply
    27. 27.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 3:53 pm

      @Alison Rose: Speaking on behalf of the legal Jackals, do hire a lawyer.  It will make it easier, and it will help to keep lawyers off the streets.

      Reply
    28. 28.

      oldster

      August 27, 2023 at 3:58 pm

      I chipped in a little something, to say “thanks for your comments,” and to say “BJ’ers gotta stick together,” and to say “Slava Ukraine” — I appreciate your unstinting support for Ukraine on Adams’ posts.

      You’ll get through this, and things will get better. And then you’ll bail my ass out one day, too.

      Reply
    29. 29.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 3:59 pm

      @Alison Rose: Ah, the old imposter syndrome, I know it well. Vietnam and not a hint of a scratch, broken back and a full (up until now 50 some years later), a doctorate but never felt like an academic, fancy title in my last few years at work and still an outsider. The lesson?  The Only Time is Now!

      Reply
    30. 30.

      Mr. Bemused Senior

      August 27, 2023 at 3:59 pm

      @Omnes Omnibus: and we don’t want idle hands after all.

      Alison, best wishes to you.

      Reply
    31. 31.

      SteveinPHX

      August 27, 2023 at 3:59 pm

      Hang in there! Donated.

      Reply
    32. 32.

      OzarkHillbilly

      August 27, 2023 at 4:01 pm

      @Alison Rose: I have constant imposter syndrome

      I think many share in that, I know I do. I finally had to quit the union because at the end of the day I couldn’t even grip the steering wheel of my car. I put off filing for 5 years working little side jobs where I could get them but eventually even that became impossible.

      Reply
    33. 33.

      Almost Retired

      August 27, 2023 at 4:04 pm

      @Alison Rose:  Please let me know through WaterGirl if you need a referral to a Social Security lawyer.  I am a long-time employment lawyer in Los Angeles (with a short stint in San Francisco), so I coordinate with Social Security lawyers/specialists quite often for some of my disability discrimination clients.  As you might suspect, the process is tougher for mental disability claims.

      Good luck!

      Reply
    34. 34.

      persistentillusion

      August 27, 2023 at 4:05 pm

      In for a bit.  As was said higher up, we’ve all been near there if not there.  You are greatly valued as a commenter and help some much to keep the blog both active and welcoming.

      Reply
    35. 35.

      WaterGirl

      August 27, 2023 at 4:07 pm

      @raven: How is that even possible?  Definitely counterintuitive.

      Reply
    36. 36.

      Joy in FL

      August 27, 2023 at 4:08 pm

      just added a bit to the GFM. I’m glad to help.

      Reply
    37. 37.

      oldster

      August 27, 2023 at 4:09 pm

      @raven:

      A lot of really smart people suffer from imposter syndrome.

      I always wanted to have it, because then I would have been really smart. The best I could do was sort of imposter imposter syndrome.

      I also knew an artist once who worked in oils and suffered from impasto syndrome. But maybe that’s laying it on too thick.

      Reply
    38. 38.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 4:12 pm

      @Almost Retired: That is good to know. When we went looking for a lawyer in Ohio I asked a cousin-in-law in Marin County who was a Social Security lawyer (long since retired.)  He got referred us to some good specialist lawyers that we would never have found otherwise.

      ETA :From across the country. Social Security Disability is a very specialized field so those guys all know or know of each other.

      Reply
    39. 39.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 4:12 pm

      @WaterGirl: One was Fed one was state. School and the GI Bill plus the Illinois Division of Rehab got me through school and that swell Urbana Park District job!

      Reply
    40. 40.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 4:14 pm

      @oldster: I mean I didn’t let it hold me back, now I get to be guilty that I have a decent retirement and health care! (and I’m sitting here trying to figure out when I’m going to go back down to the beach and fish!)

      Reply
    41. 41.

      Spanish Moss

      August 27, 2023 at 4:17 pm

      Chipped in. Best of luck, Alison Rose!

      Reply
    42. 42.

      frosty

      August 27, 2023 at 4:18 pm

      Donated. You’ve alluded to your agoraphobia and other issues from time to time but I didn’t know it was so severe and difficult for you. As an engineer, I just want to jump in and fix it, but since I can’t, maybe I can help get you over the gap to SSDI.

      Take care of yourself as best you can and keep commenting. You have a great NFLTG attitude when you write!

      Reply
    43. 43.

      Ruviana

      August 27, 2023 at 4:18 pm

      Donated. Think fondly of your “hovel” and may it remain your safe place.

      Reply
    44. 44.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 4:19 pm

      1/4 of the way home!

      Reply
    45. 45.

      tomtofa

      August 27, 2023 at 4:19 pm

      Donated. Best of luck with SSDI!

      Reply
    46. 46.

      oldster

      August 27, 2023 at 4:20 pm

      @raven:

      As with many mental health issues, the best you can hope for is to live with it and try to work around it. And when it flares up so bad that you cannot work around it, that’s the time to ask for help.

      Reply
    47. 47.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 4:21 pm

      I will be contributing but not until my new credit card comes next week.

      Reply
    48. 48.

      eclare

      August 27, 2023 at 4:21 pm

      Ugh, I had a pretty bad panic attack while driving.  If my parents had not been able to come get me I would have called 911.  In for a bit later today.

      Reply
    49. 49.

      Maxim

      August 27, 2023 at 4:27 pm

      Alison, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Every mental health struggle is its own journey, but as others have said, many of us can empathize in general if not in the specifics. Please be good to you; you’re an important part of this community. I chipped in what I could. If hugs are triggering, as I imagine they might be, please imagine that I have sent you an incredibly soft, warm blanket to wrap yourself in.

      Reply
    50. 50.

      SiubhanDuinne

      August 27, 2023 at 4:37 pm

      @raven:

      I managed to keep myself on the edge of poverty for much of my adult life because it didn’t seem right to me to get paid for things that I enjoyed and that came easily to me. It looks daft seeing it in words, but it was a very deep-seated belief that kept me from acknowledging and appreciating and embracing my own worth for many years.

      WE ALL HAVE STUFF.

      Reply
    51. 51.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 4:49 pm

      @sab: Don’t do debit cards online. Which makes Alison’s earlier credit card issues more on topic. She had wanted to get a credit card but couldn’t. Not to borrow. Just to be safer.

      If what had happened to me ( $2000 stolen from my bank account for Beyonce tickets) had happened to her she would have been out on the street. I could scramble to cover it.

      Reply
    52. 52.

      Ixnay

      August 27, 2023 at 4:54 pm

      The Ixnays are in. Best of luck Allison, and keep swearing like a sailor at the Ruzzians.

      Reply
    53. 53.

      Raven

      August 27, 2023 at 4:55 pm

      @SiubhanDuinne: there it is

      Reply
    54. 54.

      mrmoshpotato

      August 27, 2023 at 4:56 pm

      @sab:

      If what had happened to me ( $2000 stolen from my bank account for Beyonce tickets) had happened to her she would have been out on the street. I could scramble to cover it. 

      You had to pay for that?

      Reply
    55. 55.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 4:58 pm

      @sab: My husband’s issue was cluster headaches. Weird debilitating yet not on everyone’s medical horizon. I am sure any psychiatric issue is worse, but cluster headaches were not on anyone’s idea of a real issue. His actual paid for disability insurance thought it was a joke. His employer thought he was so not functional from pain that he wasn’t worth keeping around.

      Reply
    56. 56.

      thalarctosMaritimus

      August 27, 2023 at 5:01 pm

      I will be in later today for a little bit. I’d like it to be more, but I’m halfway through cataract surgery, which cost me $1000 out of pocket for the lenses that insurance didn’t cover, so this month is tighter than it normally would be.

      If the GFM is going to remain active, I can do better in 2 weeks out of my next paycheck, and we can just consider this one a tideover until then.

      I really look forward to your comments, Alison, and I’m eager to help in any way I can.

      Reply
    57. 57.

      LifeInTheBonusRound

      August 27, 2023 at 5:07 pm

      I’m in. 43% of the way there! Stay strong, Allison.

      Reply
    58. 58.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:07 pm

      @mrmoshpotato: We are in the appeals process. I have the money back with the caution that if things don’t go well the bank will take it back in 60 days. They know I got hacked. Depends on who can collect from whom. Either Beyonce or I am screwed. Bank and credit card company will be fine.

      Thief guys called me yesterday pretending to be the FTC. FTC is full of south Asians who call people instead of writing to them? Government agencies outside of law enforcement never call you. You call them and even then they probably won’t talk to you.

      Reply
    59. 59.

      SomeRandomFellow

      August 27, 2023 at 5:09 pm

      And in case you were wondering: Yes, it sucks! Massively! I haven’t felt sunlight on my skin in all this time. The only fresh air I get is by standing at the open window. I can’t do my own shopping and have to rely on the not-always-reliable Instacart people. I can’t browse in the bookstore, literally my favorite activity. I couldn’t see my favorite band when they came through NorCal on tour. I can’t visit my mother or brothers or friends. And worst of all, I couldn’t visit my father in his last days, something I’ll never forgive myself for.

      You should.

      (Extended moralistic babbling follows – read at your own risk.)

      Forgiving one’s self for flaws is essential to survival in hard times. By “hard times” I mean those times when, if you had a button you could push, that would painlessly kill you, and make it look like an accident, if you could push that button, and end it all, and you’re tempted, well, those are the hard times I mean.

      People who need to consider disability leave aren’t just having troubles working. They’re having troubles everywhere. And those troubles can be annoying, aggravating, and frustrating to other people. And you know something about disabled people? They might be nastier to themselves, over the limitations of their disability, than any type-A asshole would dare to be (in public at least).

      There are going to be plenty of times when you feel alone, and hurt, and worthless, if you’re like most folks who need to stop working for disability. And you need to be a friend, and a caregiver, to you at those times, because no one else will, not at the worst times.

      (Why? Well, if other, helpful, people were there, it probably wouldn’t be “the worst times.”)

      Do you want to acknowledge that your disability made you miss something, and you *despise* that you had to miss it? That’s okay – that’s your pain, and it’s okay to speak it, and acknowledge it. But it’s not okay to beat yourself up, because you would have been there, if there was any possible way. *YOU* know this – you don’t need some moron you met on the internet to tell you that – nor do you need me to say it.

      And a member (or more) of your family, or a family friend might feel a bit of nasty toward you, because you didn’t make it. But if they knew what you knew, they’d have to be a pure-D, Grade-A, USDA inspected asshole, to either feel that way, or breathe a single word about feeling that way. What’s making them angry is not so much that you didn’t make it, but because they doubt your sincere desire, and your struggle.

      It’s not good, but it’s not hideous, for a person, to think about a disabled person, “if they *really* wanted to do X, they would have!” It happens – even to people who claim to understand the disability.

      (To those of you who engage with disabled family or friends: yes, I just said there were times you were probably being a dick to your disabled family member or friend – thinking they’d have done something, or done it better, if they’d really wanted to. Deal with it – let your anger at me be the impetus to prove I’m completely wrong about you.)

      That’s why it’s so emphatically important to keep the truth in your own head: you really wanted to do it. And if someone had showed up, at *just* the right time, to transport you there (or maybe, to move him to you), when you were at your best, well… with the right chain of miracles, you’d have made it. But no miracles happened. You didn’t – and it didn’t matter how much you wanted, because your injury was too severe.

      That’s the truth. And that truth merits forgiveness. And you must at least offer that to yourself, and keep trying, until you finally accept it. Because there will always be people who won’t, and their lack of faith in you is *not* reason to feel bad about you – it is, quite literally, their problem.

      And yet, if you let their problematic lack of faith get under your skin, it can quite literally end up killing you. So you need to be loving, kind, and forgiving, to yourself, to protect you in those hard times I mentioned – the hard times where you can’t even explain how awful it is.

      Reply
    60. 60.

      LAO

      August 27, 2023 at 5:12 pm

      I’m in. Alison Rose, take Omnes advice if you can, the approval process is really designed to be more difficult to navigate then it should be.

      Reply
    61. 61.

      de-lurker

      August 27, 2023 at 5:13 pm

      WaterGirl, please check your email.

      Reply
    62. 62.

      divF

      August 27, 2023 at 5:14 pm

      I’m in.

      Reply
    63. 63.

      Nancy

      August 27, 2023 at 5:23 pm

      Alison Rose,

      I’m short right now but may be able to add to the GFM later. However, I do have a skill to offer if you are interested. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor currently practicing, and I’d can offer counseling either via zoom or by phone free of charge. Therapy may help relieve some of the struggles you are having.

      No worries if that’s not something you’d be interested in. I’ll let Watergirl know how to reach me if you do want to give it a try.

      Reply
    64. 64.

      Tom Levenson

      August 27, 2023 at 5:24 pm

      I’m in. All good thoughts re navigating the rest of the process.

      Reply
    65. 65.

      Villago Delenda Est

      August 27, 2023 at 5:26 pm

      @Omnes Omnibus: ​
       The last thing we need are lawyers on the streets, as they might get seriously desperate and loan themselves out to Georgia RICO defendants…

      Reply
    66. 66.

      Kathleen

      August 27, 2023 at 5:29 pm

      Donated. Wishing to God speed through your process!

      Reply
    67. 67.

      mrmoshpotato

      August 27, 2023 at 5:30 pm

      @sab: Hopefully the appeals process turns out in your favor.

       

      Good ol’ government agency scams…

      Had to activate a new debit card recently, and was weirded out when someone answered at my bank’s 800 number.  Ummm….that’s always an automated process.  Called back and got the automated system.

      Reply
    68. 68.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 5:36 pm

      @sab: This is the only time someone in my life has called me responsible, so thank you for that :P

      @Omnes Omnibus: It’s something I’ll have to work out with my mom since I don’t have lawyer money at the moment.

       

      @Almost Retired: Thank you!! I will do so if it looks like the necessary path.

      Reply
    69. 69.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:37 pm

      @mrmoshpotato: I can handle the appeals process results good or bad. Just needed time to adjust.

      Alison Rose, through no fault of her own, is in tighter circumstances.

      I love her as a commenter. Even when she yells at me (deservedly)  she is nice about it. Or if not nice, at least polite.

      Reply
    70. 70.

      HumboldtBlue

      August 27, 2023 at 5:38 pm

      The boys from El Segundo, California, just won the Little League World Series on a walk off home run.

      Reply
    71. 71.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 5:38 pm

      @frosty: LOL yes most of my fucks were used up by about one year into TIFG’s dictatorship.

       

      @eclare: The car became the scariest place. Had to call 911 from the side of the freeway once. SUPER FUN. I’m sorry you’ve been through it too.

       

      @SomeRandomFellow: Thank you. This was very lovely and true.

      Reply
    72. 72.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 5:39 pm

      To everyone else, thank you again x1000.

      Reply
    73. 73.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:39 pm

      @Alison Rose: The Soc Sec attorney guys do contingency. You don’t pay up front. They only collect if they win. And Soc Sec says they cannot collect too much.

      Reply
    74. 74.

      mrmoshpotato

      August 27, 2023 at 5:39 pm

      @sab:

      I can handle the appeals process results good or bad. Just needed time to adjust. 

      Regardless, I hope it turns out in your favor. :)

      Reply
    75. 75.

      arrieve

      August 27, 2023 at 5:40 pm

      I’m in.

      I’m always willing to help–I enjoy reading this blog but it’s the community here that makes it truly unique–but your description of your issues really hits home. When I started having panic attacks in my mid-twenties I had no idea what they were and the doctors were so unhelpful and it just derailed my life in so many ways for too long. (Mine manifested as claustrophobia rather than agoraphobia, but with similar effects: I HAVE to get off this phone call! I HAVE to get out of this conference room!)

      Medication really helped me, but some days the panic monster is still just lurking in the corners waiting for the opportunity to pounce. I hope that you can raise enough to give you some breathing room and one less thing to worry about.

      Reply
    76. 76.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:41 pm

      @mrmoshpotato: Me too,but I will be fine regardless.

      Reply
    77. 77.

      errg

      August 27, 2023 at 5:44 pm

      I donated. Always love your comments, best of luck with everything…

      Reply
    78. 78.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:44 pm

      @Alison Rose: I don’t think you need lawyer money. They work on contingency, and Soc Sec keeps them honest.

      ETA We went through this 15 years ago when we had no money.

      ETA You don’t need a lawyer. You need a Social Security Disability lawyer. They are extremely specialized and very good at what they do

      ETA Some lawyers aren’t in it for the money. If the system gives them an adequate living they are happy just to be good guys. Social Security lawyers are those guys.

      My dad was the same kind of doctor. In it for the patients not for the money.

      Reply
    79. 79.

      ColoradoGuy

      August 27, 2023 at 5:47 pm

      Dunno if this anecdote will help, but that won’t stop me.

      Back when I was living in Washington State, I started to spiral into agoraphobia. It started slow, but then accelerated. I knew if it picked up speed, I would be housebound, and I really didn’t want that (I have a degree in psychology, so I can read the literature and understand the jargon and clinical euphemisms).

      It took two psychologists to get to the bottom of it. The first diagnosed me as suffering from childhood PTSD, which didn’t exist as a clinical diagnosis back when I was studying in 1972. Clinically, it is considered as challenging to treat as combat PTSD, and having a profound effect on the development of personality. After pointing me to two different books on the subject … which I found very difficult to read because they hit so close to home … he referred me to a local PTSD specialist. (Reading about it is useful, but has no therapeutic effect. That requires specific, hands-on techniques.)

      The modality of this PTSD practitioner used EMDR, or rapid-eye-movement therapy, which I was pretty skeptical of because it seemed pretty lightweight. But it was getting good results in the Veteran community, with pretty severe cases of PTSD. So I started the therapy and found it much more challenging than I expected … after the second and third session, some very upsetting and frightening memories came up. Over time, more memories came up, but the agoraphobia also receded, and my life became, bit by bit, more manageable.

      So it’s entirely possible you could be dealing with childhood PTSD, which later in life, can induce panic attacks and agoraphobia. Childhood PTSD is more common than you would expect, and bizarre symptoms can come out of nowhere if life exceeds a certain stress level. Thanks to the courage of the Veteran community, new treatments for PTSD have become available to the wider public.

      Reply
    80. 80.

      JoyceCB

      August 27, 2023 at 5:49 pm

      In with a donation.  As with so many others, I value your comments.

      Reply
    81. 81.

      MomSense

      August 27, 2023 at 5:49 pm

      I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I’m in!

      Please work with a lawyer.  Most work on contingency and it’s worth it.

      Reply
    82. 82.

      WaterGirl

      August 27, 2023 at 5:51 pm

      @sab: I think you need a different bank.

      Reply
    83. 83.

      Kristine

      August 27, 2023 at 5:52 pm

      Donated. Over halfway there now.

      Best wishes for best possible outcomes. I enjoy your comments as well.

      Reply
    84. 84.

      raven

      August 27, 2023 at 5:52 pm

      @HumboldtBlue: My brother told me about the game and, since it’s storming here on the Outer Banks, we watched it. He lives in Sherman Oaks and said they beat El Segundo and lost to them in the US final.

      Reply
    85. 85.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 5:54 pm

      @WaterGirl: All banks suck. Mine is as good as the next bank.

      Reply
    86. 86.

      Yarrow

      August 27, 2023 at 5:57 pm

      @ColoradoGuy:  Thank you for posting this. I’m looking into EMDR for PTSD and it’s good to hear it had been helpful for you.

      Alison, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with so much. Wishing you all the best. Also, are you taking Vitamin D since you can’t get out in sunlight? It’s important.

      Reply
    87. 87.

      SomeRandomFellow

      August 27, 2023 at 5:58 pm

      @ColoradoGuy: Would you please list the books that helped you, assuming they’re layperson accessible, and in print?

      Reply
    88. 88.

      Eolirin

      August 27, 2023 at 5:59 pm

      I really wish I could contribute right now, or that I could say more, but I’m also dealing with some difficulties too and it’s limiting my ability to communicate as well as I’d like.

      I’m glad so many people are actively involved though. It’s so important not to feel alone with these things. I’m really proud to be part of this community. And I hope we’re collectively able to see you through this moment and into better ones

      Best wishes.

      Reply
    89. 89.

      Mai Naem mobileI

      August 27, 2023 at 6:00 pm

      @Alison Rose: kicked in some $$$. Good luck with the SSi app. I do know somebody who applied without a lawyer but she had an aggressive form of MS with seizures etc. and even with that it took 9 months for her SSI to come through.

      Reply
    90. 90.

      SkyBluePink

      August 27, 2023 at 6:04 pm

      All the best to you, Alison Rose

      And a few $, too

      Reply
    91. 91.

      chrisanthemama

      August 27, 2023 at 6:04 pm

      Be well, Alison Rose–I put a little coin in the cup for you.

      Reply
    92. 92.

      Wolvesvalley

      August 27, 2023 at 6:05 pm

      I’m in, too, and happy to be able to help.

      Considering some of the people customer service reps have to deal with, it’s not surprising that your phobia extended itself to the phone.

      Reply
    93. 93.

      LiminalOwl

      August 27, 2023 at 6:05 pm

      Chipped in, sorry it can’t be more.

      re: “It’s possible I might need legal help this time, since I don’t know if the federal government looks less empathetically on mental health vs physical health”

      —in my experience, yes, this is too often the case; there seems to be an implicit assumption that mental-health sufferers are probably faking it. Do get a lawyer, if you possibly can.  The Center for Independent Living will likely have pro bono referrals, and may be able to help with other things as well. (I knew the one in Berkeley when I lived there, don’t know what’s closer to you.)

      Best wishes.

      Reply
    94. 94.

      Mai Naem mobileI

      August 27, 2023 at 6:06 pm

      @sab: i didn’t know the FTC also were full of South Asian callers. I get the Medicare ones(I tell them I’m too young to be on medicare but apparently the government bureauracy hasn’t figured that out) and their name is always Peter. Apparently Peter is a very common South Asian name. Who knew?

      Reply
    95. 95.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 6:08 pm

      @sab: Better than some including the bank I used from age 15 (1969) until my mom died in 2012 when I was 48. They carded my  mom and her Black nurse’s aide every time they came through the bank window for five years. At some point they had to have recognized them. Same teller carded me, and yet flirted with my husband. He used to laugh about what a moron she was. Yet they promoted her.

      When Mom died, as executor I pulled every account from that bank.

      Reply
    96. 96.

      kalakal

      August 27, 2023 at 6:08 pm

      donated

      Reply
    97. 97.

      EarthWindFire

      August 27, 2023 at 6:08 pm

      @Alison Rose: IMO, a big part of why our country’s safety net sucks is that we spend far too much money and time deciding who deserves the help and far too little actually helping people. You deserve this because you are a human having a rough patch in life, as we all are and we all have.

      Please don’t think you’re unworthy of help. Donated.

      Reply
    98. 98.

      LiminalOwl

      August 27, 2023 at 6:09 pm

      @Yarrow: I’m an LMHC with EMDR training (certification expected as soon as I can conquer imposter syndrome enough to apply). Feel free to contact me if you’d like references or conversation about the process.

      (Anybody else here likewise.)

      Reply
    99. 99.

      sab

      August 27, 2023 at 6:10 pm

      @Mai Naem mobileI: They aren’t full of south Asian callers. If you get a south Asian caller it isn’t from a US government agency. They don’t call. They do employ south Asian-Americans, but none of them call. They don’t call. They send letters.

      Reply
    100. 100.

      dkinPa

      August 27, 2023 at 6:12 pm

      Just reaching out to wish you luck and to hope (much!) better days are ahead of you.  Hang in there!

      Reply
    101. 101.

      Sister Golden Bear

      August 27, 2023 at 6:13 pm

      @Alison Rose: Help to help. Sorry you’re going through this.

      FYI, if you need a lawyer or other help with your SSDI, I’ve got a friend who deals with those issues as part of her job in Oakland. She probably could refer to someone. Or possibly hire her to help as a side job — although she’s not a lawyer, she takes absolutely no prisoners when it comes to getting her clients help, and knows the SSDI process and regs better than the SSDI folks do. She does appear as an advocate at disability hearings, including mental health, and usually wins.

      Reply
    102. 102.

      LiminalOwl

      August 27, 2023 at 6:14 pm

      @LiminalOwl: And after posting, I went to the relevant page for Berkeley (some distance from SR, of course, but maybe more extensive resources), and found these:

      Disability Rights Advocates (DRA)
      510-665-8644 Voice; 510-665-8716 TTY
      http://www.dralegal.org
      2001 Center St. 4th Floor Berkeley 94704

      Legal advocacy for people with disabilities in disability-related litigation.

      Disability Rights California
      510-267-1200 Voice; 800-719-5798 TTY
      http://www.disabilityrightsca.org
      1330 Broadway Suite 501 Oakland 94621

      Information and referral, technical assistance, and legal services.

      Disability Rights Education and Defense
      Fund, Inc. (DREDF)
      510-644-2555 Voice; 510-841-8645 TTY http://www.dredf.org
      3075 Adeline St. Suite 210 Berkeley 94703
      Legal assistance, advocacy, and referral for people with disabilities and parents of children with disabilities.

      Hope it’s helpful.

      Reply
    103. 103.

      Avalie

      August 27, 2023 at 6:17 pm

      Added a bit. Lovely to see the love and support pouring in.

      Reply
    104. 104.

      S Cerevisiae

      August 27, 2023 at 6:26 pm

      @ColoradoGuy: a second endorsement for EMDR therapy, it pulled me out of a very dark place. I also agree with getting help with the SSDI, they guided me through the process and took a small fee out of the first check, no big deal.

      Reply
    105. 105.

      Delk

      August 27, 2023 at 6:33 pm

      Added

      Good luck. It took 18 months for me but it also included employer insurance. Each one wanted the other to start the payments. I used an attorney. I think I experienced every known emotion during that time. Stay positive no matter how hard it is. I know it’s tough.

      Reply
    106. 106.

      Pika

      August 27, 2023 at 6:33 pm

      love and a donation

      Reply
    107. 107.

      ColoradoGuy

      August 27, 2023 at 6:35 pm

      Here’s one my psychiatrist recommended: “The Body Keeps Score”:

      https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

      I should mention that reading books on the topic can be quite unsettling, and anyone suffering from PTSD is unlikely to read more than a few pages at a time. Not because of the professional jargon (which is there), but because of the creeping awareness you are the star of this particular horror movie.

      Childhood PTSD is particularly insidious because there may be no direct access to the traumatizing event(s). I had two near-death experiences I only knew about because my mother told me about them when I was 35 or so. One event when I was six months old and the other was when I was three. What made the events more traumatizing is both parents were narcissists, which meant I had to raise myself, and be partially responsible for their emotional regulation. (None of this was awareness was there before I started therapy.)

      PTSD causes brain damage, which can get worse if left untreated. It is quite real, and can be induced in lab animals … it’s part of mammalian brain structure. To induce it, the victim has to be in a directly life-threatening situation for a half-hour or more, with no means of fight or flight. This (temporarily) shuts down the part of the brain that forms memories, and creates a dissociated experience … a fragmented personality, with part always in the past. Using EMDR, ketamine, or psilocybin can access these events, and slowly re-integrate into the larger personality.

      This is easier said than done. Re-accessing memories like these is terrifying and many people drop out due to shock and horror. In addition, if these events happen in childhood, the entire adult personality is built around avoiding re-stimulating these memories, or any events that feel similar. Like a tree, the personality grows around the hole. The follow-on to the formal therapy is gradually making friends with a very frightened child … who is really you, but a part that been living in the shadows for decades.

      My first therapist told me to treat myself, for the rest of my life, to act as if I am taking care of a three-year-old who is always by my side. Don’t let him get too hot, nor too cold, and give him treats every now and then. Tell medical people I need a tranquilizer beforehand. My adult self has to be the parent of that neglected three-year-old, and model for that child what a good parent is like.

      Viewed from that perspective, the panic attacks are a cry for help from a very frightened child who doesn’t understand what is happening to him/her.

      Reply
    108. 108.

      BeautifulPlumage

      August 27, 2023 at 6:44 pm

      @Alison Rose: one thing about helping the jackal in NM recently was helping them organize the info & help with execution of a plan. You’re issues are different, but from this thread I’d like to coalesce a few things:

      – all the jackals with experience in this have suggested getting a lawyer (SSDI specific*), you don’t need money up front (my addition would be to start that process now)

      – two have offered contacts for lawyers and I encourage you to use them. Finding a professional for this can seem daunting on your own. Getting a referral from a trusted source takes away much of the anxiety

      – if you aren’t currently consulting a professional, consider the offer above for a zoom or phone call.

      * the interwebs used to be pretty good for this, but now is full of scams, misdirection, and old information. You want help from someone who’s job is keeping up to date with changes & developments

      To all the commenters – wow! What a diverse & knowledgeable group! Cheers

      Reply
    109. 109.

      Torrey

      August 27, 2023 at 6:44 pm

      Donated. Always appreciate your comments and especially how, even in the darkest of the Ukraine posts, you manage to find Ukraine news with something to celebrate.

      Reply
    110. 110.

      Yarrow

      August 27, 2023 at 6:47 pm

      @LiminalOwl:  Thank you. That’s very kind.  A friend of mine is a counselor specializing in trauma and PTSD and uses EMDR frequently in their practice. We’ve had discussions about it so I think I’m relatively well informed, although it’s good to hear multiple opinions.

      Reply
    111. 111.

      hedgehog the occasional commenter

      August 27, 2023 at 7:16 pm

      Donated.   Sending love and strength.

      Reply
    112. 112.

      CarolPW

      August 27, 2023 at 7:20 pm

      In a somewhat related issue what is the name of an organization that drives around in buses doing dentistry in underserved and poverty areas?

      On topic, donated.

      Reply
    113. 113.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 7:34 pm

      @sab: That is good to know!

       

      @ColoradoGuy: Without getting into too many specifics, there are definitely some PTSD issues, though not from childhood. I will note that the panic disorder and associated issues developed as comorbid disorders alongside my anorexia. But there are other things in my past that sometimes still seem to be at play. But it is difficult to work through when I can’t do in-person treatment.

       

      @EarthWindFire: This is painfully true!!

       

      @Sister Golden Bear: Thank you! I may reach out.

       

      @LiminalOwl: Wow, awesome, thanks much!

      Reply
    114. 114.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 7:34 pm

      Another big general thank you to everyone. I’m a little verklempt. This place is amazing. And many thanks and appreciation for all the resources offered, too!

      Reply
    115. 115.

      Omnes Omnibus

      August 27, 2023 at 7:43 pm

      @Alison Rose: If it makes you feel any better, we’ll all be shitty to you in some comment section fairly soon.  It’s just the way or the world.

      Reply
    116. 116.

      Timill

      August 27, 2023 at 7:44 pm

      @CarolPW: Remote Area Medical. perhaps???

      Reply
    117. 117.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 7:53 pm

      @Omnes Omnibus: I would expect nothing less! My mom said “Wow, you must have a lot of friends there” and I said “well yes, although we also tell each other to STFU fairly often, but that’s just family” :P

      Reply
    118. 118.

      gene108

      August 27, 2023 at 7:58 pm

      I can’t visit my mother or brothers or friends.

      Are you okay with your mother or brothers spending time with you at your place?

      Just having people around, in manageable doses, helps chip away at some of the problems self isolating* causes, which aren’t getting better without some human face-to-face contact.

      *I self isolate a lot. It’s a protection/avoidance mechanism for me to avoid uncertainty and possible conflict that comes from interacting with people.

      Reply
    119. 119.

      LiminalOwl

      August 27, 2023 at 8:02 pm

      @CarolPW: In Massachusetts, we have Health Care for the Homeless. Physician services, dunno about dental but it would surprise me not at all. HTH.

      Reply
    120. 120.

      pieceofpeace

      August 27, 2023 at 8:34 pm

      I’m in.  Best of fortune, Alison, with finding employment or adequate funding, whatever works.  And peace of mind for you.  Good to hear you have family support nearby, and set up for the basics.

      Also in No.Cal., Bay Area

      Reply
    121. 121.

      WaterGirl

      August 27, 2023 at 8:42 pm

      @sab: My credit union does not hold us responsible if someone puts fraudulent charges on our cards.

      If your bank is doing that, or even saying they might do that… that’s why I said I think you need a different bank.

      Reply
    122. 122.

      Rose Weiss

      August 27, 2023 at 8:51 pm

      @Timill: Yes, Remote Area Medical I think is the group that comes to my very small town once a month to do fillings and extractions. They charge a fee to the sponsoring org, in our case a lefty Episcopalian church, but it’s totally free to patients.

      Reply
    123. 123.

      twbrandt

      August 27, 2023 at 9:48 pm

      In. Thinking of you, Alison.

      Reply
    124. 124.

      Caroline

      August 27, 2023 at 10:09 pm

      Donated!

      Reply
    125. 125.

      laura

      August 27, 2023 at 10:11 pm

      Dear Alison Rose, your post hit me like a drop kick off the turnbuckle and transported me back to my anxiety and panic disorder roots- it robbed me of years of life I could not afford. It spared me the vagaries of young adult life that beset many friends (bright spot). I can tell you that there is life after and with this. There’s joy and pressure and life.

      Not gonna diagnose or urge you to any modalities. I was helped by time, space and adjustments to my life and lifestyle. Reading your post made me check in with my system, I had a lie down with feet up and gut/vagus nerve massage. I’m sending you best wishes and something more tangible on payday. Hang in- and offer yourself the Grace that you regularly extend to others.

      Reply
    126. 126.

      Alison Rose

      August 27, 2023 at 10:32 pm

      @gene108: Unfortunately, not really. Being around anyone at all for more than a brief period can cause issues, even if it’s my mom, because as soon as I feel any kind of symptom, my brain is just like OOPS HERE WE GO. Mom does hang out for a bit when she comes by with my mail, but as far as a longer visit…I don’t know.

       

      @laura: Thank you, and I’m sorry that you also lived with this. What’s so frustrating is that I used to be the complete opposite of this. I used to drive all over the state, used to love going to clubs and concerts and all kinds of places. I miss being that person.

      Reply
    127. 127.

      Steeplejack

      August 27, 2023 at 10:42 pm

      Pitched in a bit. Good luck, Alison.

      Reply
    128. 128.

      laura

      August 27, 2023 at 10:58 pm

      @Alison Rose: That person still resides within you, and that life is still a possibility even if it doesn’t appear so for now. I Promise You.

      Reply
    129. 129.

      I gotta get out of this place

      August 28, 2023 at 12:34 am

      Delurking long enough to chip some into the kitty

      Reply
    130. 130.

      Madeleine

      August 28, 2023 at 12:40 am

      Donated. Wishing you well.

      Reply
    131. 131.

      Debbie(Aussie)

      August 28, 2023 at 1:55 am

      Hi AlisonRose

      I know exactly where you are coming from 😞 I hope you get to be where I am ( on disability pension) here in Aus. Be kind to yourself, easier said than done of course, but I’ve heard that practice makes perfect.

      Reply
    132. 132.

      A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)

      August 28, 2023 at 3:23 am

      Donated.  You are a valuable member of this community and I wish you all the best.

      Reply
    133. 133.

      lowtechcyclist

      August 28, 2023 at 7:03 am

      Donated. Sending prayers and good wishes your way.

      Reply
    134. 134.

      Alison Rose

      August 28, 2023 at 11:53 am

      And a morning thank you again to everyone <3

      Reply
    135. 135.

      Nelle

      August 29, 2023 at 3:30 pm

      Donated.

      Reply

    Leave a Comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    If you don't see both the Visual and the Text tab on the editor, click here to refresh.

    Clear Comment

    To reply to more than one person, click the X to save & close the box.

    Primary Sidebar

    Political Action

    Postcard Writing Information

    Recent Comments

    • RevRick on Lazy Sunday Open Thread (Sep 24, 2023 @ 4:58pm)
    • prostratedragon on Lazy Sunday Open Thread (Sep 24, 2023 @ 4:55pm)
    • Anyway on Lazy Sunday Open Thread (Sep 24, 2023 @ 4:54pm)
    • wjca on Lazy Sunday Open Thread (Sep 24, 2023 @ 4:53pm)
    • WaterGirl on Lazy Sunday Open Thread (Sep 24, 2023 @ 4:52pm)

    🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

    Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
    Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

    Balloon Juice Posts

    View by Topic
    View by Author
    View by Month & Year
    View by Past Author

    Featuring

    Medium Cool
    Artists in Our Midst
    Authors in Our Midst
    We All Need A Little Kindness
    What Has Biden Done for You Lately?

    Balloon Juice Meetups!

    All Meetups
    Talk of Meetups – Meetup Planning

    Fundraising 2023-24

    Wis*Dems Supreme Court + SD-8

    Calling All Jackals

    Site Feedback
    Nominate a Rotating Tag
    Submit Photos to On the Road
    Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup
    Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
    Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)

    Twitter / Spoutible

    Balloon Juice (Spoutible)
    WaterGirl (Spoutible)
    TaMara (Spoutible)
    John Cole
    DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
    Betty Cracker
    Tom Levenson
    TaMara
    David Anderson
    Major Major Major Major
    ActualCitizensUnited

    Join the Fight!

    Join the Fight Signup Form
    All Join the Fight Posts

    Balloon Juice for Ukraine

    Donate

    Cole & Friends Learn Español

    Introductory Post
    Cole & Friends Learn Español

    Site Footer

    Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

    • Facebook
    • RSS
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
    • Comment Policy
    • Our Authors
    • Blogroll
    • Our Artists
    • Privacy Policy

    Copyright © 2023 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

    Insert/edit link

    Enter the destination URL

    Or link to existing content

      No search term specified. Showing recent items. Search or use up and down arrow keys to select an item.
        Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

        Email sent!