Drove to the mother-inlaws today, with Thurston on a trial run, and he mostly passed. I mean he got there and back. Everything in between, was, well, a shitshow.
Got there, and her mother had an enormous spread of roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans, lasagne, etc., enough food for an army. While we were getting this ready, at some point Thurston took a big ole steamer on the tile in the kitchen, and Joelle and I BOTH stepped in it and tracked it all through the house. The next thirty minutes was then spent cleaning carpets and plotting Thurston’s death. At some point Joelle yelled at Thurston “YOU JUST WANTED TO BE THE STAR OF YOUR OWN SHITMAS.”
After the afternoon’s entertainment provided gratis Thurston Howl, we had lunch, and it was very good. Her mom even baked me a special apple pie. What was special about it? A.) It was delicious, and B.) According to Joelle “she doesn’t bake for anyone not even me.” I have to remind her that we are not talking about her, we are talking about her mother’s favorite child and only son, me.
Made it back home uneventfully, took a nap, and now I am getting all my clothes packed. Up and at ’em first thing tomorrow!
Merry Christmas, John Cole!
Steeplejack
Preflight check ride complete. Start the countdown!
Jharp
I step in dogshit all the time.
Even though I pay close attention, my yard is only 15 feet x 15 feet, and I keep the yard fairly clear of dog piles.
Quite odd. It must be my eyesight is worse than I think.
geg6
Joelle sounds like me after Lovey has pulled a stunt like that.
My advice is to buy a big box of pee pads in case you’re staying in any hotels, which you surely will be doing. And blanket the floor with them every night.
eclare
Thank you for these updates, they are much appreciated! Best of luck in wrangling the critters for a smooth takeoff tomorrow.
Eta> Wow, I can’t believe Shitmas was seven years ago!
WaterGirl
Well, that was an exciting time. I assume Joelle came back to the house with you, and that’s where you are all leaving from in the morning?
Cole, did you see any of my texts? 1) will you joining in the zoom tonight? 2) did you see the Hookers and Blow post for you?
satby
Shitmas 2, Electric Bugaloo.
BeautifulPlumage
We needed an updated shitmas event. At least Joelle’s mom has an idea of what her daughter is getting into (so to speak).
Safe travels, and best wishes for just the right amount of shit deposited in the appropriate places
BeautifulPlumage
@satby: 😸
mrmoshpotato
Merry Christmas and happy trails, John!
Leto
@satby: Shitmas 2: The Shittening
Echoing eclare, can’t believe it’s been 7 years. Nice little trip down memory lane.
Matt McIrvin
One of my cats coincidentally just scooted a long trail of shit along the basement floor to get a turd unstuck from its butt, but she at least had the decency to do that in the basement where it would cause the least trouble.
rikyrah
Cole, that was a truly Cole Christmas story🌞⛄🌲🤶🏾🤶🏾🕊🤗
Joelle
@satby: audible laugh on the electric boogaloo
satby
@Joelle: I aim to please 😂
Starfish
@WaterGirl: Clearly, he was dealing with some shit and did not have time to respond.
Baud
I’ll repost my comment from last night
Ann Marie
@Starfish: Snort!
Noskilz
I hope everyone is having the happiest of holiday seasons!
Betty Cracker
Merry Christmas, one and all. Ours went reasonably well — there was no shit, literal or metaphorical, so that’s a mercy!
Starfish
@Baud: He gives us the best gifts for the holidays.
Ohio Mom
That neither Joelle nor her mom melted down says a lot. I think Cole has found where he belongs.
Joelle
It was shitmageddeon up in there. Black tar Thirstmas stools ground mercilessly into my mothers Persian rugs and hardwood floors. God bless that woman for having linoleum in the kitchen. Thurston gleefully dancing a soft shoe through the shit in his elf costume. JG desperately chipping mutalated Thurston turd out of his NewBalance. All the while I’m trying to make my mom a plate of roast beef potatoes green beans and lasagna and not drop her fine gold trimmed China to add to the biohazard zone on the floor. Eventually we all gave up and dined under my mother’s ridiculously oversized Capodimonte chandelier which was a welcome distraction from the shit streaked kitchen adjoining us.
Gin & Tonic
For the next week or so we have three dogs (as opposed to the customary one.) Luckily they like each other, and have all spent time here before, so – for now – no dog shit in the house.
Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate. Last Christmas I wasn’t sure I’d see this one, but things worked out.
Gin & Tonic
@Joelle: I admire your good humor.
Tony Jay
While all this kerfuffle was going on inside Thurston was just hanging out at the back door sharing a cigarette with a local raccoon and chuckling over how pleased Two Legs Food Source and Two Legs Stroke Source were going to be with his (very) generously donated kitchen arrangement.
The raccoon just nodded. He’s been around, seen some things, and in his experience cats can’t be told.
Tony Jay
@Betty Cracker:
Have you checked the kitchen floor? Alligators can be hella discreet.
Baud
@Starfish:
He is our Thurston.
Miss Bianca
@Baud: Yeah, people do read that shit. About Cole’s animals’ shit. :)
And right glad we are that it’s Cole’s animals’ shit and not ours! LOL!
@Joelle: Oh, dear God. Joelle, Merry Christmas from the (Blog) Family! Sounds like you are fitting right in!
Suzanne
You’re quite the houseguest, Cole.
Odie Hugh Manatee
It sounds like your Christmas is da shit and Thurston is layin’ it down! ;)
Merry Christmas to all and to all a crap-free night!
Betty Cracker
@Tony Jay: We had our feast outdoors, and not a single gator cruised by to thrill and terrify our out-of-state guests, so that was mildly disappointing. Usually at least one razor-toothed monster floats past so we can casually say, oh there’s a little ‘un…keep an eye out for its mama. Guarantees everyone will decamp before dusk!
Mai Naem mobile
Cole – we just need to stick a gopro device on your head. You could probably get enough viewers to get paid for product placement. Products like good thick paper towels, orthopedic devices, pee pads, mustard, mops, overalls, cargo shorts…really the list is endless.
Sherparick
Merry Christmas John & Joelle. May you all enjoy & survive the upcoming trip. Including Thurston.
Tony Jay
@Betty Cracker:
All lurking outside the swamp-side of the Gubernatorial mansion waiting for Casey’s last nerve to fray and Ron Mark One to take an encouraged header out of the Executive Bedroom window.
It’s coming. They know it. 100 million plus years of waving off evolution has some advantages.
eclare
@Betty Cracker:
What about palmetto bugs? I know they shouldn’t, but those things freak me out.
Gvg
If the trip um has more shit misadventures, they now make miniature carpet cleaners called spot cleaners which might be small enough to fit in you already overcrowded vehicle. Fairly low priced and available at Walmart and other such places for quick purchase. My sister clued me in. I personally hate carpet and try to get rid of it I every house I own.
You have an amazing sense of humor. Merry Christmas.
geg6
Been a pretty quiet day since we did friends yesterday and my family will be tomorrow (3 kids under age 5; pray to FSM for me). It’s just us tonight, the prime rib is almost done, potatoes are almost baked with the butter, sour cream and chives ready and waiting and classic wedge salads with bleu cheese, tomatoes and bacon bits just awaiting some creamy bleu cheese dressing are chilling in the fridge. My favorite Pinot noir is decanted and waiting. And Elf is cued up for our viewing pleasure. Best Christmas Day in years.
schrodingers_cat
Merry Christmas to BJers and I have two Christmas/winter themed pages to share
Nukular Biskits
@WaterGirl, et al,
Just a fly-by. Not making the Zoom meeting.
Any of us who have had pets have had “shit-ventures”, I’m sure. And it’s always funny when it happens to someone else.
Andrya
@eclare: Some years back, I had an aerospace job that required travel, by me and co-workers, to Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Our super-cheap employer put us up in this EXTREMELY downscale motel, which had a cockroach infestation. We actually kept a log of how bad the infestation had been during our visit, and which rooms were worse.
One of my colleagues complained to the desk clerk about the cockroaches in his room. She came to check it out. Then she reassured him- “Oh, them’s not cockroaches! Them’s palmetto bugs!” Like that made everything OK.
When he recorded this in our “cockroach log” I went to the company librarian and asked her to look up what “palmetto bugs” were. Her answer: “Florida slang for cockroaches”.
Happy holidays, all!
mrmoshpotato
Anyone heard of the Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza card game? I got it for Christmas, and it sounds insane.
I’m exhausted after Christmas Eve madness at my brother-in-law’s cousin’s house last night – six kids under 7… And brunch at his house today with football watching.
I think it’s time for a nap because I don’t give a damn about Monday Night Football.
Also, BEARS WIN! “WTF?!” SAYS THE CROWD!
realbtl
Merry Christmas all. Quiet here, virtually no snow- both local ski areas closed for all intents and purposes- but a beautiful clear 27º day.
Origuy
@mrmoshpotato: I don’t follow football any more, either, but I knew that the 49ers are playing today because people at the grocery store were loading up for the game.
I just checked the score and the 49ers are leading the Ravens 5-0. Five to zero! Are they playing baseball?
CaseyL
One thing I’m learning from this Christmas story is that John and Joelle were made for each other. Many, many kudos to Joelle’s Mom, too, for her sangfroid in the trenches.
Ah, does Thurston travel much? I think he might have been overstressed, being in a place he doesn’t know with people he doesn’t know. Dogs get the shits when they’re scared and stressed – so do most other animals, including humans.
Taking him cross-country, where nearly everything he encounters will be unfamiliar, may be risking more stress-shit incidents. I’m not sure how you can plan accordingly – but taking a whole lot of extra towels, wipes, cleaner, and rubber gloves may be a good idea.
Putting some towels or old sheets or something similar under him while traveling may help – you can just gather up the soiled linen and toss it in the nearest dumpster.
Bon voyage!
mrmoshpotato
@realbtl:
Sounds lovely – 46° with 99% humidity here. And, yes, it’s raining.
MagdaInBlack
@Joelle: I get the mom thing, Joelle. I’m convinced my mother referred to my husband and I as ” My son in law and that woman he married.”
Welcome aboard and Merry Thurstmas ❤️
mrmoshpotato
@Origuy: LOL! Safety and field goal.
Origuy
@mrmoshpotato: Right, but it gets wierder.
brendancalling
@Joelle: there’s still time to run.
mrmoshpotato
@Origuy: Yeah. And they’re chanting “Defense!” like it’s a basketball game.
eclare
@Andrya:
Yes but palmetto bugs fly, so flying cockroaches! Harder to stomp on.
eclare
@MagdaInBlack:
My mother once told my then-husband that she had no children. She explained that she meant since I was an adult, I was no longer a child. I still have suspicions.
frosty
@Origuy: Fans complain about the refs costing them points but this was a new one for me!
Gvg
@Andrya: Palmetto bugs are the native type. They fly. Also typically get bigger. But you don’t usually find them indoors. Usually. The distinction is not really important. When you are a Florida child and want to play a game with a fallen palm frond, say pretend horsie, it is important to give the frond a really good shake at arms length, before proceeding with your plans.
For some reason, when your northern born mother has hysterics again at the sight of a dead roach, it also becomes important even as a small child to learn not to flinch, and just stomp them, then clean up. Not like them, but not shriek or carry on. I can’t explain it, it just is.
Nukular Biskits
@Gvg:
I can tell you from experience you do NOT want to stomp or outright swat “palmetto bugs” (or what we call “pine roaches” where I grew up).
They splat like an overripe tomato.
You learn to disable/cripple them with, say, a flip-flop or a rolled up newspaper/magazine and then pick them up and dispatch them with a wad of paper towels.
Morfydd
@Andrya: I went to college in Baltimore, which had these inch-long shiny black bugs that you couldn’t avoid stepping on, on the sidewalks in the summer. When they invaded our apartment I called the landlord, who sprayed along the baseboards, and they came skittering out to die. “Oh,” he said, “those aren’t roaches, those are waterbugs.” I worked in the school library, went straight to a dictionary: “waterbug: a type of cockroach.” Ick.
Andrya
@Morfydd: Shakespeare said “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. Apparently there is a social agreement – at least among some- “a cockroach by any other name isn’t nearly as bad”!
brantl
@Andrya: No, palmetto bugs are cockroach’s bigger (MUCH BIGGER) cousins.
Joelle
@eclare: Today she called JG to ask me to make sure I SEND THE PICTURE OF JG AND HER. I said ok send the one of you and JG, not you and me.
”Yes the one of me and JG”
ok just wanted to make sure I got that straight.
WaterGirl
@Joelle: And that probably flew right over your mom’s head.
On the bright side, it is helpful to recognize your place in the pecking order.:-) Helps keep expectations low.
Joelle
@eclare: I see what she did there. Clever girl.
KateP
@mrmoshpotato: It’s very fun. I play it with my grandkids and we laugh our butts off. Not a lot of strategic thinking needed.