Dennis Leary, No Cure for Cancer:
That’s the problem in this country. People are never satisfied with stuff the way it is. You gotta make it bigger and better and stronger and faster. Same way with pot. For years pot was just joints, and then bongs came out and bongs were ok too, but then bongs weren’t good enough for some people. “Neeehhhhhh!” Remember that friend in high school wanted to make bongs out of everything. Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit? Come in one day and find your friend going, “Hey! Look man, I made a bong outta my head! Put the pot in this ear and take it outta this one!
Via Memeorandum, this:
The Kingwood teenager’s story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior police officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.
Yet, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends’ activities at an Humble area graveyard, Adkins said.
“I just doubted it because it’s very morbid, and I couldn’t see anybody doing something like this,” Adkins said Thursday.
Not until police went to the home of another Kingwood 17-year-old, Matthew Richard Gonzalez, did the officer believe the tale.
“He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it,” Adkins said. “So I knew there was some truth to the story.”
Now, Jones, Gonzalez and a juvenile whose name has not been released are each charged with abuse of a corpse, a misdemeanor. All three were arrested Wednesday night.
Idiots.
jack fate
A distrubing story, no doubt. Made worse because it just reminds me of how unfunny Denis Leary is and how much I hope the ghost of Bill Hicks (whom Leary shamelessly stole his schtick from) haunts him regularly.
cleek
why the fuck would you want to suck on a dead person’s head ?
Michael D.
Did you READ the story??? There was pot in it man!!!!
4tehlulz
Obligatory head shop reference
Bedlam
It was probably GTA4’s fault. Check Jack Thompson I’m sure he has the explaination.
Fulcanelli
This was in Texas, right?
I rest my case.
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
At least they didn’t bust the stupid kids for posession. They may be able to outlive a misdemeanor corpse-screwing-with conviction, but a drug conviction? (horrors)
jack fate
This is why I get no fancier than my Wizard Bong. Anything else is too much work.
Zifnab
We wouldn’t need Denis Leary if Bill Hicks hadn’t run off and croaked, the selfish inconsiderate motherfucker.
Bootlegger
A head would make a great gravity bong! Why didn’t I think of that?
And yeah, the drug conviction could have prevented the kid from going to college, but decapitating a corpse and useing it as a hookah, that is definitely college material.
tolaska
Fulcanelli Says: This was in Texas, right?
It’s not surprising, but probably not for the reason you have in mind. Kingwood is the epitome of the “spoiled suburban kids” stereotype: a wealthy community full of children with way too much time on your hands and few moral or financial constraints on hedonistic behavior.
The Moar You Know
I read Michener’s Texas, but that was as close as I’ve ever gotten to setting foot in that state. Which is good, because it’s stories like this that prove beyond any doubt to me that Texas is cursed by an angry and vengeful God.
Keith
Sadly, I work about 10 minutes from where all that happened. But that’s Houston (Humble’s just north) for ya.
charles
That embalming fluid really adds a kick, too.
libarbarian
Dumbasses.
1. You don’t get to take trophies from people you have killed yourself. It’s fine to make a cop or bong or whatever out of someones skull it’s fine but you have to kill them yourself – in honest combat – first.
2. For Gods sake – clean the the fucking decaying flesh off the fucking skull before you fucking do it. Do I have to put a fucking video up on YouTube or something?
libarbarian
1. … haven’t killed yourself. Duh.
Dayv
I just want to know if there’s a shitty metal band called Bongskull yet.
If not, I may have to start one — and nobody wants me on a stage.
Janefinch
The best detail is that all three accused were home-schooled.
Sarcastro
And yeah, the drug conviction could have prevented the kid from going to college, but decapitating a corpse and useing it as a hookah, that is definitely college material.
Specifically, Yale. Homeschooled Texans with a penchant for skull vessels? Welcome to Skull & Bones!
SamFromUtah
He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it…
You know, I might barf if someone asked me during dinner, “Did you do bong hits through the severed head of a corpse?” And I’ve never actually done it. So that isn’t really conclusive, Officer.
jake
Careful. Cindy McCane will accuse you of making an issue of John’s age.
b-psycho
Eh. I don’t believe this story, at least not as laid out in the article.
Those morons had to be high off of something else first. Digging up a grave is a lot of effort when you’re sober, but after some good dank I’d be hard pressed to do anything more involved than order a pizza. Texas has no excuse for bad weed, they’re right by the Mexican border for chrissake!
Tom in Texas
Kingwood is well known for its spoiled godawful teenagers. I actually worked with a girl who went to high school there. When she and her family went to the grocery store one day, a teenage boy ran up to her and slit her throat ear to ear. She lived, with a gigantic scar across her neck. The police suspect it was a gang initiation. Speaking of which, the latest gang trial is to sneak into the backseat of a woman’s car when she is at a gas station and assault her after she drives away. Lock your doors, even at the pump.
brendancalling
speak for yourself, as someone who made bongs out of vegetables, fruit, an old lotion bottle duct-taped to some surgical tubing and a socket from a socket wrench kit, and even by digging a hole in the ground, I find these two fuck-up kids to be quite creative.
besides, the corpse had been dead since 1921.
Tom in Texas
Also psycho. Texas is overflowing with Mexican pot. The stuff is the definition of “bad weed.” It smells like ass and generally goes for 1/3 the cost of homegrown.
b-psycho
Just because it’s easy to get mexican weed doesn’t mean that’s all they can get. I’d think transport costs would be reduced for anything south of the border for them, not just straight from Mexico.
Then again, maybe I overestimate Texas stoners…
kmoney
I’m no fan of Texas, but before we hammer it too hard let’s remember it gave us Willie Nelson (speaking of weed), Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Johnny Winter (Edgar,too, I guess). Still, it has a lot to answer for. As for Dennis Leary, the only time I found him funny was in that MTV Unplugged thing he did. I still fall out of the chair when I see that.
JPL
“Why do people remember Dennis Leary and not Bill Hicks?”
“No cure for cancer.”
Kewalo
I laughed out loud when I heard this story on the news. I’ve raised a boy and believe me going through adolescence with a boy was a huge learning experience for me. I wouldn’t be surprised at anything they would do anymore.
This corpse was from an 11 yr. old that was buried in 1921. Presumably his parents are gone too. So I doubt that there is much family that will get outraged.
So….what should a teenage boy do with a perfectly good skull? I think making a bong was very creative. Not sick, not callous, just teenage outrageousness.
But the funniest part of hearing this on the news what the pseudo-outrage of the reporter. The “pearl clutchers” are always a good source of amusement.
Tom in Texas
Don’t forget Bill Hicks hails from Austin.
Texas is a much more varied state than most outsiders give us credit for. Each region is culturally unique from its neighbors, and many are more Democrats than people assume.
Much like foreigners assume all Americans love Bush simply because a majority voted for him, people assume Texas is red because the majority is. The demographics are changing though, as immigrants come in and the urban areas continue to rise.
t4toby
I thought I was an extreme toker.
Jimminy Crickets! Kids these days.
JR
In point of fact, you can make a perfectly acceptable bong using a living person’s head without killing them. You just need some plastic tubing, a willing participant with the ability to maintain breath control, and some ingenuity.
Yeah, I went to a liberal arts honors college–what of it?!!
Conservatively Liberal
I have made pipes out of planters, carrots, potatoes, pop & beer cans, foil, celery and duct tape, marine fuel vents (two bowls!), carburetor parts, engine parts, wood, aluminum, plumbing parts & fixtures and just about everything else that can be modified to do the job.
But never a skull. Never crossed my mind, and I have no problem understanding why it has not. This story sounds like something that the anti-drug crowd would make up, but I learned long ago to never underestimate the stupidity of teens.
Especially Texas teens. ;)
Nancy Irving
When I was a kid there was this church on the way to school that used to display biblical texts on one of those marquee things.
For quite a while they had up “DO NOT DEFILE A CORPSE.”
We always got a kick out of that, cause like, who would WANT to defile a corpse?
I guess they knew something we didn’t know. :)