Only God Forgives is the most unbearable piece of bleh I have seen in a long time.
God may forgive Ryan Gosling and the producers of this movie, but I will never forgive them for the ninety minutes I lost nor will I forgive myself for wasting the $6.99 or so I spent to rent it On Demand.
Suffern ACE is a Basset Hound
Oh, I think you’ll eventually forgive yourself. But if you have too much trouble forgiving yourself, that’s something else to add to the things your therapist should work out with you.
Anyway, has a date been set for your Madison trip, or are we to pretend you never mentioned that?
Violet
From the IMDB link you posted, this is in the Storyline:
Was that not enough to tell you to Stop, Do Not Rent, Choose Another Movie?
Biff Longbotham
John, if you want a guaranteed ‘laff riot’, stream “Kung Fu Hustle” on Netflix. Action, non-PC humor, etc. What more could you ask for?!
max
God may forgive Ryan Gosling and the producers of this movie, but I will never forgive them for the ninety minutes I lost nor will I forgive myself for wasting the $6.99 or so I spent to rent it On Demand.
The Border was pretty good though. Shoulda watched that.
max
[‘Encore’s on right now.’]
Comrade Mary
You have Netflix, so you should start Orange is the New Black. Really, truly very good. Give it 2-3 episodes and you’ll be hooked. I binged the whole season in less than 24 hours.
? Martin
Ryan Gosling wasn’t enough to tip you off?
Trentrunner
Loved Drive.
Hated Only God Forgives.
The Dangerman
I saw 42 was in stores today; that might have set a record for screen to DVD. I thought reviews were kinda positive; maybe I’m missing something about the DVD market (and price points, which seem entirely out of whack, even on older films).
Violet
@The Dangerman: Movies get to DVD really fast these days. Some films seem to release in theaters and on DVD on the same day. Seems very odd to me.
ant
two more weeks till breaking bad
Suzanne
I am just in the worst mood. Work has been absolutely maniacally busy, and yet I am told that our projects don’t have a lot of fee available, so “don’t spend too many hours. But do a good job so we’ll get bigger projects”. I have been bringing home work to do until ten at night, in addition to working through my lunch hours….and yet I can’t fill my time sheet.
My house is a mess.
I can’t register for my next exam.
I went over my Weight Watchers points this week because I’m exhausted and overworked and stressed.
It’s about 8,000 degrees outside. And humid. With blowing dust to add that certain je ne ce quoi.
My favorite coworker’s last day was today.
They named the royal baby GEORGE and John named his cat STEVE. The should switch names and that would be so much more awesome. King STEVE.
patroclus
You should have rented “No” which is a very good movie about the 1988 Chilean plebiscite which swept Pinochet from power. Or, “42” is a good movie rental, although they get some of the factual detail wrong about Jackie Robinson and the ’47 Brooklyn Dodgers.
NotMax
Hey, baby boomers, the complete four season 20-disc set of “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” was released this month.
Generous amount of bonus material included as well.
Some things have not aged all that well, but personally would say that 85% or more remains timeless humor, and still funny (even surrealistic in some of the later episodes) after all these years.
Guest stars galore besides the series regulars: Warren Beatty, Tuesday Weld, Sally Kellerman, Bill Bixby, Yvonne Craig, Ryan O’Neal, and on and on.
Redshirt
Movies cost 7 bucks to rent nowadays?
NotMax
@patroclus
Will have to check out “No.” Sounds as if in the same general genre as one of my all-time must-see favorites, “Z.”
John Cole
@The Dangerman: I rented 42, and I really liked it. I mean it was softball material, because how do you really fuck up that story, but I was able to get immersed in the film, and the actress who played his wife was just gorgeous. I’d say it was a pedestrian to ok performance for the actor who played #42, but I kinda chuckled at Harrison Ford as Branch RIckey. It was no Oscar performance by any means, but he gave it a soft touch and really had a detectable glint in his eye when he delivered his better lines, and I really enjoyed his performance.
Overall, the movie is a definite watch, but just keep in mind it’s no Eight Men Out or Brian’s Song or Bang the Drum Slowly. I’d watch it again, and if I was grading papers on the laptop and it came on HBO, I would definitely not change the channel because I had already seen it.
If that makes any sense.
Roger Moore
@Suzanne:
The problem is that the last King Steve was at the very top of the list of the worst kings since The Conquest. He usurped his first cousin, Empress Matilda, and wound up spending the majority of his reign in a bitter and destructive civil war. People talk about how the English monarchy has given up on John and Richard as viable names for their children, but they gave up on Stephen first.
wasabi gasp
My lady lost it at the end of The Notebook. Full-blown snarfy flubba-dubbas, Maybe spark up some lavender essence and give that a whirl.
Yatsuno
Meh. I got nothin’.
NotMax
@Roger Moore
One of the people who claims top slot of a restored Hawaiian nation is Dennis “Bumpy” Kanahele.
Politics aside, the world really does need a King Bumpy.
Haven’t had a fun to say, offbeat monarch name since Albania’sKing Zog.
Redshirt
@Yatsuno: Do you recall VHS movies costing 100$?
Redshirt
Anyone here see Iron Man 3? I thought it was a clever take on The War on Terror. Just a bit though, as it was also a superhero movie – though Iron Man should be no Super Hero. What is he but some rich douche with his own weapons company?
Amir Khalid
The Wolverine is much better than the previous Wolverine movie, and I highly recommend it even though Hugh Jackman doesn’t sing. (If Jackman ever manages to get Wolverine: The Musical made, I’d definitely pay to see that too.)
Ted & Hellen
Hey, today is Mick Jagger’s 70th birthday!
Based on the iconic Andy Warhol photograph.
Redshirt
@Amir Khalid: Did you like the previous Wolverine movie or not? Why either way?
Amir Khalid
@Ted & Hellen:
That looks more like Elizabeth II.
eclare
Do you ever check Rotten Tomatoes?
Suzanne
@Roger Moore: I didn’t say they should have named him King Stephen. KING STEVE.
Roger Moore
@NotMax:
There has been an unfortunate deficiency in kings named Roger. AFAIK, there has only been one, confusingly named Roger II of Sicily; his father, Roger I was the count but not king.
Nerdlinger
@Redshirt: This clip always cracks me up.
Amir Khalid
@Redshirt:
The previous one told Wolverine’s origin story, but not very well. Jackman gave it everything but didn’t get much to work with; the story and script were mediocre.
Roger Moore
@Suzanne:
I think they should have gone truly old school and named him something like Alfred, Edmund, Knut, or Æthelred.
eclare
It got a 35% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, that’s pretty bad.
MorningtonCrescent
I’ve been watching episodes of the old Perry Mason series from Netflix. I love the stylishness of it with the cars and the clothes, and when Paul Drake says “Hi, beautiful” to Della Street, I chuckle.
Redshirt
@Amir Khalid: I enjoyed it for what it was: A comic book movie. About an immortal dude with super healing powers and an unbreakable skeleton, and long claws. Wolverine’s a real mish-mash of super-powers. But that’s not unique.
NotMax
@Redshirt
The classic cigar-chompin’ comic book Wolverine is about 5’4″ in his X-men booties, and chronologically in his mid-sixties.
Redshirt
@NotMax: Yeah, he was shorter than Nightcrawler, who was a German demon, to give you an idea how short Wolverine was. Hugh Jackman ruined my immersion!
Or, he is/was the best thing about all the X-Men movies.
ninedragonspot
@Roger Moore: There may be only one King Roger, but he got his own opera!
Roger Moore
@Amir Khalid:
I tend to agree with the view that the worst thing about a Wolverine origin story is that it’s a Wolverine origin story. One of the major plot points of the character is that his origin is a mystery, both to him and the audience, and any other origin story undermines that. Jackman could have given an Oscar caliber performance, and it still would have sucked because it goes against they mythology.
Roger Moore
@ninedragonspot:
So what. Richard Fucking Nixon got an opera.
Steeplejack
@MorningtonCrescent:
I am a Perry Mason hound! (The original series, not the dreadful TV movies from the ’80s and ’90s.) I can get four hits every weekday: 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. on Hallmark Movie Channel, 10:00 a.m. and 11:30 p.m. on MeTV. Just a month or so ago I think I finally realized my lifelong dream of seeing all 271 episodes.
When I was a freelance software consultant Perry Mason was my cartoony idol role model: he was unflappable, totally sure of himself, always had exactly the right thing to say and was unfazed by any bullshit thrown at him—and he always had people flinging money at him to represent them or defend someone. Blank checks! Oh, yeah, and driving gas guzzlers with giant tail fins. That’s livin’. TBS used to show it every day at noon, and I watched it on a little 5″ TV by my computer while I was banging out code. Good times.
The Hallmark Movie Channel is running a 24-episode marathon this Sunday, starting at 6:00 a.m. EDT, if you get that channel. Episodes 197–220 (January-November 1964).
Now excuse me, I have to get ready for “The Case of the Accosted Accountant,” coming up on the hour.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Roger Moore: I thought his middle name was Milhouse. (Ducks)
BillinGlendaleCA
@Roger Moore: I thought his middle name was Milhouse. (Ducks)
Steeplejack
@MorningtonCrescent:
I am a Perry Mason hound! (The original series, not the dreadful TV movies from the ’80s and ’90s.) I can get four hits every weekday: 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. on Hallmark Movie Channel, 10:00 a.m. and 11:30 p.m. on MeTV. Just a month or so ago I think I finally realized my lifelong dream of seeing all 271 episodes.
When I was a freelance software consultant Perry Mason was my cartoony idol role model: he was unflappable, totally sure of himself, always had exactly the right thing to say and was unfazed by any bullshit thrown at him—and he always had people flinging money at him to represent them or defend someone. Blank checks! Oh, yeah, and driving gas guzzlers with giant tail fins. That’s livin’. TBS used to show it every day at noon, and I watched it on a little 5″ TV by my computer while I was banging out code. Good times.
The Hallmark Movie Channel is running a 24-episode marathon this Sunday, starting at 6:00 a.m. EDT, if you get that channel. Episodes 197–220 (January-November 1964).
Now excuse me, I have to get ready for “The Case of the Accosted Accountant,” coming up on the hour.
BillinGlendaleCA
I thought his middle name was Milhouse. (Ducks)
BillinGlendaleCA
I thought his middle name was Milhouse. (Ducks)
Steeplejack
Help! I’m being oppressed by the FYWP comment-mo-tron. It won’t accept my comment.
max
@max: The Border was pretty good though. Shoulda watched that.
Blerg. The Bridge. Well, that’s a fucked up start.
Mostly it made me wanna go home. (Because El Paso is ‘normal’ and DC is ‘fucked up’.)
I did actually watch the Judge Dredd remake, or maybe more accurately, the first version made from the comic. It was actually quite astoundingly good – or accurate, for Judge Dredd, anyways. I thought all they did with comic book movies these days was fuck them up.
So, of course, it didn’t make any money. Most Hollywood movies are comic book stories anyways, without the spandex or intellectual complications*, so if they actually make a movie that accurately reflects a comic, it isn’t a ‘movie’ anymore so nobody gets it.
max
[‘Oh, well.’]
* This is not meant as an exaltation of the intellectual bona fides of comic books.
BillinGlendaleCA
I thought his middle name was Milhouse. (Ducks)
Paul Harrington
Of course you’ll never forgive them or yourself. Only God forgives.
Svensker
The Daily Telegraph review of OGF said:
“…this abstruse, neon-dunked nightmare that spits in the face of coherence and flicks at the earlobes of good taste.”[
So, was it your earlobes that didn’t like the movie?
quannlace
“Respected in the criminal underworld, deep inside, he feels empty.
Was that not enough to tell you to Stop, Do Not Rent, Choose Another Movie?”
*************
Yeah, but that could have been the tagline for ‘The Sopranos.’
Mike in NC
A Dick Cheney bio-pic? I think I’ll pass.
Redshirt
More like “Thrillhouse”.
jayjaybear
@NotMax: Mid-160s, I believe. Definitely stretches back into the 19th Cent. He’s oooold. He’s got book-Aragorn beat (at the time of the War of the Ring, Aragorn is supposed to be 90-ish).
Kathleen
@MorningtonCrescent: I loved the original Perry Mason series (I wanted to be a lawyer, or Della Street) when I was the impressionable 10 year old watching in Stockton, California in 1959/1960. Also loved Dobie Gillis (Maynard G Krebs and his classic response: WORK???). My parents did not like television and restricted my viewing habits, but Perry and Dobie were on the approved list.
Kathleen
@Steeplejack: Yowza! Thanks for the heads up. Also, too, I loved how he always nailed the murderer in the last scene. But there was one show where his client did not get off. I remember how bummed my mom and I were. Do you remember the name of that episode?
NotMax
@Kathleen
Likely one of the shows referenced here.
Steeplejack
@Kathleen:
Perry always prevailed in the end, but, as NotMax’s link shows, sometimes the route was circuitous. Maybe you’re thinking of “The Case of the Terrified Typist,” where Perry’s defendant does turn out to be the murderer, but he’s an interloper impersonating someone else, and Perry is the one who unmasks him. So Perry successfully defends the “named” client and maintains his perfect record.
Footnote: the “terrified typist” was played by Joanna Moore, wife of Ryan O’Neal and mother of Tatum O’Neal.
John T
I’m one of the few people who enjoyed Only God Forgives. It’s been criticized for being too style-over-substance, but in my opinion sometimes style is enough to carry a film. The music, lighting, and set design (that wallpaper!) alone were worth the price of admission. The ridiculous hyper-violent parts and the absurdly despicable mother character were just campy icing on the cake. But I totally get how viewers wouldn’t like the film if they’re expecting to see things like realistic dialogue, character development, a coherent plot, conventional pacing, etc.
VOR
How do you make a bad movie with Kristin Scott Thomas in it?
Pete Mack
That reminds me of one of the best country music songs of all time!
God may forgive you, but I won’t.
Yes Jesus loves you, but I don’t.