Steve is now on a special vet prescribed diet to lose some weight and to take care of his urinary tract, and I have run out of his food and the vet does not open until eight. I am currently barricaded in my office and there is a vicious bobcat outside threatening me and hurling himself at the door:
I’ve been in here since 5:30 am because I no longer felt safe asleep in bed.
I don’t want to die.
OzarkHillbilly
Maybe if you gave him a little toe? You aren’t using it for much anyway.
Baud
What happens to the blog when you die?
JPL
John, next time plan ahead. just sayin
Gravenstone
Pro tip (personal experience), bargaining with cats doesn’t work – ever.
gene108
Hope the pups are safe…
gammyjill
Okay, Cole, how did it get to this point? Didn’t you notice yesterday you were running low? Why not just give him some older food til 8a?
Anne Laurie
Grated carrots.
Check with your vet first, of course. But one of the old recommendations for cat who needed to lose weight but made themselves impossible to live with was to grate some carrots into their food dish. They can’t digest carrots, but it’s fiber and it’s filling.
In my personal experience, the cats don’t actually try eating the carrots… but once you go so far as to contaminate their dish with rabbit fud, they realize they might as well give up because you’ve obviously lost your mind and/or gone over to the dark side…
satby
LOL! I’d give him a small bit of the older food too.
My cats used to do that when I finally evicted them from my bedroom because I had become too allergic to have them sleep in bed with me. But I had to blockade the door too because two of them were master door openers. I had to listen to meowing and thumping at the door for about 10 days before they finally accepted the new bedtime routine.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
I think scenes like this is one reason my husband was resistant to the idea of taking in the pudgies in Wilmington. Do we know where things stand with them, Anne Laurie?
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
How do you get to the car? Crawl out a window?
satby
@satby: and right now it sounds like Smokey Joe (the hoarder house rescue) is rearranging the furniture in his bedroom.
JPL
John posted this ten hours ago
Steve is just trying to help out.
Manyakitty
Hahaha! What food did they recommend? Heisenberg could stand to lose a few pounds and he got hospitalized for a urinary blockage earlier this year.
PaulWartenberg
wasn’t this the opening to the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead?
Sloane Ranger
Cole – how do you plan to get out in one piece so you can get to the vets? Do you have a chair available that is suitable for fending off a very very angry cat?
Second gene108’s comment. Please confirm pups are safe and unharmed
satby
@gammyjill: yesterday was probably busy what with ABC and the kids leaving.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
We’re gonna need a bigger blog
rikyrah
Oh Cole. I am sending you both positive thoughts.?
Cermet
LOL; but seriously, you can feed him some regular food just not a full portion – just enough to hold him until you get more proper food. It not like the food will really cause the medical treatment to go wrong. Some people.
Cermet
@OzarkHillbilly: Disregard my suggestion – I like the toe idea far better.
Unknown known
@Cermet: Once a cat gets a taste for human…
Kristine
FEED ME!
satby
Oh, and John: this may be helpful. The “special food from the vet” is a big profit item for vets and you can get the same results from less expensive sources.
Elizabelle
Wish we could train Steve to blockade Mitch McConnell in his office. Keep that bad man off the Senate floor.
I like JCole’s voice. I think you should record “Go the Fuck to Sleep” for us. Would be readership capture.
joel hanes
It’s 4:00 AM here.
My cat is sure that 4:00 is when I really meant to arise, so that’s when I begin getting visits.
He’s quite confident that the real reason I arise is not to pee (though I’m and old man, and we’ve
been playing this game for five years) but is instead to let him out,
even though the Iron Rule is that he doesn’t get to go out before 5:00 at the earliest.
Still, it must be some misunderstanding: can’t I see that he’s wide awake and ready to go ?
satby
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: oh, if you can rescue them please do. Older cats are usually so mellow, and they’ll probably lose weight just getting a normal diet.
ThresherK
@Anne Laurie: I’m gonna try that with both our cats, neither of whom need any more weight.
Patricia Kayden
John has got to stop playing with Steve. This is not going to end well, I tell ya. A hungry cat is an angry cat.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@satby: It wouldn’t be the first middle-aged cat I’ve taken in after an elderly owner died. I just need to know if I need to keep, ah, encouraging my husband into agreeing.
satby
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: I would have liked to take them, but there’s literally no room anymore. I’m past my (and the municipal) limit, though I will have the two fosters leave soon I hope. But I will still have 7 animals in a 3 animal limit town.
ET
We expect to see some Proof of Life.
Amir Khalid
@satby: @Cermet:
Bianca’s 13 years old but without any health problems that the vet could notice. Does she really need senior cat food, or am I to assume the vet may have been bullshitting me? My sister’s cat is 14 and gets by just fine on regular supermarket cat food.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
@satby: It world bring us to six and be the end of free feeding. I think my Other Half is worried about fallout from that (ie insistently hungry wake up calls); I think it would be a good idea.
Laura
There is no snooze button on a hungry cat.
Poor big Kiki. Poor Cole.
J R in WV
Our Vet clued us in on the fact that pumpkin is a very low cal food, and that adding it to an overweight kitty’s food would let them get full without getting nearly as many calories as they were used to getting. Plus pumpkin is very wet, and provides a gob of moisture to your cat. Plus it’s cheap!!
He was “WV Vet of the Year” last year, and is so busy he doesn’t need to make money from hi-priced diets that aren’t strictly necessary. You might try mixing pumpkin with Steve’s wet cat food and see how that goes. I understand that some vets might hesitate to recommend a non-pharma treatment, but you know, what the heck.
It worked for one cat that ate a whole rabbit, resulting in a bowel blockage that involved high-colonic enemas. Poor Ralph’s cage had a professional sign that said bites! on it, to which was added “HARD!” in sharpie. But pumpkin kept him from having any more blockages, nor surgery, which is a bad thing for an elderly cat.
It also worked for a feral cat we rescued, who once food was regularly available became a spheroid in no time. She got named Punkin for her shape, not for her diet additive. She is a little funny looking now, because she has empty excess belly skin flopping under her when she trots. But a healthy weight, and very affectionate for a dark torty feral rescue.
Best of luck with Steve!! He seems like a good boy. Very communicative! That’s a good thing, some cats suffer in silence, and get very ill before you notice something is wrong.
Not Steve, he will keep you informed!
sm*t cl*de
Mrs Spat is a big fan of roast pumpkin, following the theory that the house-apes eat it and obviously we’re not starving.
Jado
Steve has a memo for you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6vnM9I7HIo
wormtown
Well, I had to use the vet food for a cat who is not longer with me (great cat by the way). He had painful urinary blockages; and once he was on the food the didn’t come back; so I thought it was worth it. At that time, I had to have a “prescription” to buy the food, which I thought was pretty funny. The formula to lose weight was a failure. He was starving all the time, and because of this his behavior changed for the worse (climbing on counters, eating anything around including bread in a bread bag). So I just gave him the regular formulation, and lived with a moderately overweight cat. Like his owner :).
dsc
we have had MANY cats (and dogs) over the years, yet none have ever been obese
Cats (3 right now) split a can of wet very early in the AM. Kibble bowl filled by bitchy request only. I have read that the combo diet is a good one
<http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/wet-dry-cat-health-canned-food-kibble-cats-ask-a-vet
dog diet is one feeding only in the PM dry/wet mix–consumed in a fury–measured carefully according to each dog’s age and activity level. We have a beagle, a schnoodle, a terrier mix, a lab mix, a black bridle pit and a rottie/pyreness mix (all abandoned near our house out in the stix) and they do get a cookie (biscuit) or two (again size dependent)
everyday,
All of our dogs are active in the extreme–the beagle is 16 and slowing considerably
Good luck John. Food problems are tough for us all
YMMV
Kay Eye
My son makes food for his three cats. I can send you the recipe if you like. You will need a turbo meat grinder. And plenty of freezer space.
The cats love it and are thriving.
He also mak so excellent chili and really hot salsa, for people, of course.
rikyrah
any update from Cole?
cintibud
HEY! DID COLE SURVIVE?
Gemina13
Dude, that is one plaintive kitty. Have you got any chicken? You should cook some, chop it up in small pieces, and keep it frozen for emergencies like this.
Lucky used to wail like that when he wanted food at too-fucking-early-o’clock and I was out. I’d pet him and brush him to calm him down until I could get to a grocery store and buy him more food. It seemed to help, and he was almost the same size as Steve.
RepubAnon
@Gravenstone: I bargain with my cats all the time – I give them everything they want as my opening position, then give in to all their subsequent requirements. Easy.
satby
@Amir Khalid: I mostly keep all my pets on various versions of Purina Chow (I know, horrors). The seniors can occasionally get senior chow, the rest get regular, indoor chow with extra fiber and greens for the cats. Wet food is reserved for hiding medications in. Purina has never needed to be recalled like many more expensive brands and considering that I go through about 65 lbs of pet food in a week I can afford it. I let the cats graze generally, but only fill the bowls the next day if they empty them. The dog food is measured according to weight. The dogs also get a reward every trip in and out, which is more of an insurance policy so that if I have a runaway they come back when I yell “cookie”. So Amir, I would just buy the regular food you normally do, or if there’s a senior version that version if you want.
And though all my animals like pumpkin, it gives them the runs, so no pumpkin!
Terry Stevens
@Anne Laurie: dumb AF
Miss Bianca
Oh, JC, I shouldn’t be laughing at your plight, but you make it SO HARD not to…
Karen
when I clicked on gif I forgot the sound was on high, had my dog running around barking “where is the cat?” “get the cat”
NCSteve
What a waste of an opportunity for a Blair Witch Project terrified vlog entry parody.
jonas
Reminds me of nothing so much as this. Of course that was a dog — but the rattling door and disturbing noises behind it are right on.
Karen
meant to do this earlier but got sidetracked; had to grocery shop, have bad habit of eating. I have known dog and cat breeders for years, they all seemed to use the same recipe for food. 1/3 ground meat (back before the 80’s, horse meat was cheap), 1/3 cooked brown rice, 1/3 vegetables (Himalayan breeder found her cats were partial to chopped broccoli, she would get massive bags of frozen and mix with meat and rice) add powdered vitamins and minerals. I would make big batch and freeze in helping sizes, since only had two cats.
the fancy foods and diets vets sell isn’t for good of animals but to make them money; but then it is your money
Mjaum
I swear that cat is smarter than its owner… (Or Cole should have gone into theatre)
Laura
@Kay Eye: Yes please, the cat food recipe! Thanks, Laura
guest
Chewy.com, John. You’ll need the prescription in writing from the vet, then get regular deliveries to your door with their autoship option. This has saved my own life, and they’re great people to do business with.