Dan Savage should be proud.
Also – little known fact. Did you know John has a thing for bad movie reviews? On a scale of zero to Battlefield Earth, the linked review of Pandorum scores roughly a Kingdom of Heaven.
by Tim F| 33 Comments
This post is in: Movies
Dan Savage should be proud.
Also – little known fact. Did you know John has a thing for bad movie reviews? On a scale of zero to Battlefield Earth, the linked review of Pandorum scores roughly a Kingdom of Heaven.
Comments are closed.
Bootlegger
That plot description sounds like a wingnut townhall teabagging, with the same recommendation.
Walker
I am actually in that movie right now. Time to turn off the phone.
Cruel Jest
I love reviews of bad movies when they’re done right. It’s one of the main reasons I read the New Yorker.
kommrade reproductive vigor
I figured Pandorum was teh Santorum because every time I walk past the living room there’s a commercial for it. I had no idea it was a space movie. The first time I saw the commercial I assumed it was a new video game.
Brilliant!
JK
I can’t get enough of bad movie or theater reviews. Some of my favorite critics to read for bad reviews are John Simon, J. Hoberman, and Armond White. I also loved the negative reviews written by the late Pauline Kael.
SpotWeld
If you like bad movie reviews you might like “That Guy With The Glasses”
El Cruzado
Yeah, looks like “Dead Space: the Movie” would have been better. Maybe even if made by Uwe Boll.
Bootlegger
OT. An “emergency alert” just interrupted the football games for an Amber Alert. A “13-year old caucasian” apparently got a text from someone then disappeared. They give a very thorough description of the car and the “suspect”. This is the first time I’ve seen an Amber Alert over the EAS.
Scott de B.
Kingdom of Heaven wasn’t that bad. I hear the Director’s Cut is much better than the theatrical release, although I haven’t seen it.
Bootlegger
@Scott de B.: I kinda liked that movie too. I’ll have to check out the director’s cut.
General Winfield Stuck
@Scott de B.:
Kingdom of Heaven wasn’t that bad.
I thought it was terrific. will have to check out the Directors
General Winfield Stuck
This place is dead as Elvis, well a little more than that.
Fulcanelli
@General Winfield Stuck: Same here, I enjoyed it but I like that old world stuff anyway.
steve s
“I love reviews of bad movies when they’re done right. It’s one of the main reasons I read the New Yorker.”
I used to find Anthony Lane insufferable, but the movie reviews are growing on me. Never beat a good Roz Chast cartoon, though.
General Winfield Stuck
As far as Pandorum goes, a space flick has to be really quite bad for me not to like it.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@JK: Glad to hear I’m not the only one who enjoys a good panning.
The best panning (and possibly the best lede) ever appeared in D.C.’s City Paper:
Michael Bay, as a filmmaker, is a fucking tool.
The Dangerman
Just found out Mr. Cranky came out of retirement to do more bad movie reviews.
Charon
@kommrade reproductive vigor: When it comes to reviews of Revenge of the Fallen I prefer this one from the same site that Tim F. links to above.
From the review:
Walker
Okay, I am out. I
liked this movie. It was the unabashed B movie that no one makes anymore. Anyone comparing this to an Uwe Boll film is an idiot.
Walker
Damn, that blockquote should have been a strong.
Walker
The claim by the linked review that you should watch Jennifer’s Body before watching Pandorum is on crack. That movie was way, way more boring than Pandorum (and I love demon movies). It was like watching the worst episode of Buffy ever.
Steeplejack
TimF:
Did you know John has a thing for bad movie reviews?
Do you mean reviews of really bad movies or really bad reviews of movies?
I haven’t checked it in a couple of years, but I used to love the Filthy Critic.
Steeplejack
@Steeplejack:
All righty, then, I guess it’s reviews of really bad movies. I’ll just piss off, then, shall I?
[Memo to self: really study the thread before commenting.]
wvng
Here is the best bad movie review ever: Druids Review
“It’s as if Ed Wood was trying to remake Braveheart. In Bulgaria.”
StonyPillow
I’ve already seen the best Space Madness movie.
James F. Elliott
The coach who runs my kickboxing gym, Cung Le, is in that movie.
James F. Elliott
Ack! Double post, and the request deletion thingy not working…
Notorious P.A.T.
Fans of bad movie reviews, this book is a must-have:
http://www.amazon.com/Hated-This-Movie/dp/0740706721/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254068676&sr=8-1
Sean
Pandorum was intentionally disorienting, dark ( literally ), nonsensical, internally inconsistent, visually incoherent, unimaginative and pretty much a mashup of every SciFi cliche’ since 1960.
The film-makers never seem to have gotten past the “Now Picture This” elevator pitch. Everything after the initial scene was derivative.
-S
Wrye
this would serve as a complete review of 90% of Sci Fi movies in the last 10 or 15 years…
Fax Paladin
@Notorious P.A.T.: Not to mention the sequel, whose title derives from Ebert pwning Rob Schneider and Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo…
matthew
Kingdom of Heaven wasn’t all bad. If you watch the Director’s Cut and sort of zone out when Legolas talks its actually pretty great.
Of course, if I had my way they would have built the whole movie around Jeremy Irons.
Da Bomb
I agree. I didn’t think Kingdom of Heaven was bad either.
It was entertaining.