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The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

“They all knew.”

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Find someone who loves you the way trump and maga love traitors.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

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Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

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T R E 4 5 O N

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The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / Cruz-ifiction / GOP Weakness Open Thread: Ted Cruz *Enjoys* Being Pwned

GOP Weakness Open Thread: Ted Cruz *Enjoys* Being Pwned

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Honestly, it’s liking watching someone talk about his kink at an after-work cocktail party. Whatever turns you on, dude — but this is *not* the venue. Cruz is reaching Dinesh D’Souza levels of middle-school masochism, where he cartwheels into an unrelated playground conversation and says Watch me eat a bug!… because even negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Actual Russian immigrants, on Cruz:

Reader Interactions

32Comments

  2. 2.

    Omnes Omnibus

    The weakest service member to graduate from the least difficult training program in any branch of the military is exponentially tougher than Ted Cruz has ever been in his life.

  3. 3.

    aliasofwestgate

    @Omnes Omnibus:  Even the washouts from the latter parts of the training programs. Because staying in any boot camp for even part of the time is a huge challenge. I know this from experience, and i washed out because one of my ankles broke(grade 4 stress fracture) in the final ‘exam’ week of USAF boot.  He’d never have the mental fortitude to make it a single week. Much less physically. It’d be too damned hard.

  5. 5.

    Calouste

    It could be that the Harvard debating team was rebuilding, or it could be that Harvard as an institution is overrated. There’s a lot of proof in the Senate for the latter.

  6. 6.

    Roger Moore

    It’s always projection with Republicans. The people who are weakening our military are the idiots like Ted Cruz, who want to turn away people willing and able to serve because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

  7. 7.

    Mary G

    Teddy is so tough he left the country (and the family dog) because he couldn’t handle a power outage.

  8. 8.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    With first drawing days away, Ohio legislator seeks to stop Vax-A-Million lottery

    Five Ohioans who have been vaccinated against COVID-19 are about to win $1 million through a new vaccine lottery program, but a Republican lawmaker wants to call the whole thing off.

    State Rep. Jena Powell, R-Arcanum, is drafting legislation that would prevent the state from administering any vaccine lottery program.

    Hundreds of thousands of Ohioans have already signed up for the Vax-A-Million lottery, which will begin May 26 and include five weekly drawings of $1 million prizes.

    […]

    The reaction from Ohio lawmakers has been universally negative; legislators from both political parties have condemned the idea as an ill-conceived waste of taxpayer money.

    “As elected leaders, we’re obligated to take seriously our duty to be good stewards of taxpayer dollars,” House Minority Leader Emilia Strong Sykes, D-Akron, said in a recent statement. “Using millions of dollars in relief funds in a drawing is a grave misuse of money that could be going to respond to this ongoing crisis. Ohioans deserve better than this. I do hope people continue to get the vaccine and help our state reach herd immunity so our economy and way of life can thrive again.”

    […]

    Bills normally require a 3-month waiting period until being enacted. Powell’s legislation includes an emergency clause for it to go into effect immediately in order to “prevent the COVID-19 vaccination lottery from taking place.”

    Along with prohibiting Vax-A-Million, Powell proposes to redirect the funding used for these drawings toward either children’s mental health initiatives or to small business relief grants.

    “Small business relief grants”. ?

    Oh, I’m sure that won’t be graft. You’ll never guess that Powell’s district has the one of the lowest vaccination rates in the state:

    “Ohioans don’t want giveaways to mask (DeWine’s) horrible policy for the past year,” Powell wrote on Facebook, “they want freedom.”

    Her bill likely won’t pass the statehouse to have any effect, but I was honestly surprised by the Dems’ response. This type of lotto is also being done in NY. There’s evidence that it’s encouraged new vaccinations

  10. 10.

    Redshift

    @ruemara:

    The GOP have the weirdest fetishes.

    Authoritarians all seem to fetishize manliness, and today’s GOP is no exception. Witness Kevin McCarthy (and many others) slobbering over what an amazing physical specimen TFG supposedly is.

    Someone should ask Lyin’ Ted if he thinks TFG is as tough as the Russian soldiers in his beloved propaganda video, just try watch him squirm.

  11. 11.

    Jerzy Russian

    If you have a finite set of numbers, one can prove there is always a largest, a smallest, etc.  Given that there are a finite number of people on Earth, it is easy to show that Ted Cruz is the biggest asshole among them.  What is amazing that even if there were an infinite number of people around, Ted Cruz would still be the biggest asshole among them.  It seems the laws of mathematics partially break down when applied to Ted Cruz.

  12. 12.

    craigie

    where he cartwheels into an unrelated playground conversation and says Watch me eat a bug!…

    A better description there never was.

  15. 15.

    Adam L Silverman

    It is important to note and remember, that Cruz’s father did NOT flee the communists in Cuba. He actually immigrated to the the US while Batista was still in power. Then he made common cause with Castro and his supporters. When he went back to Cuba for a visit, the Batistaites imprisoned him. He somehow got out. I’ve seen it reported he claimed he wasn’t betraying Batista, but he was acting as a double agent somehow infiltrating the Castro movement. I’ve also seen it reported that he was betraying everyone on both sides; playing them off against each other. However he got himself out, he got back to Texas and back to college at UT.

    Regardless, either he was a Castro supporter who betrayed them to save his ass from Batista, he was a Batista supporter that betrayed the Castro folks, or he was a double agent that betrayed everyone to save his own ass. Regardless, he’s not some uber Cuban patriot, nor is he someone who was somehow tyrannized by Castro’s communism. Most likely he was trying to be one of the people doing the tyrannizing on behalf of Castro.

    BTW, this is not an uncommon fiction among the Cuban community in Florida. Both in Tampa and in Miami. I cannot tell you how many Cuban emigres to Florida who came her while Batista was still in power well before the revolution who claimed that they fled Castro’s communism. I had half a dozen of them as teachers in high school. And I know dozens more from when I lived in Miami. Marco Rubio has repeatedly been called out as a liar for telling the same fiction about his parents arrival in the US. And yet he still repeats it as part of his campaign stump speech.

  17. 17.

    Ruckus

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    We had a kid in boot camp that the chief would give the hardest time to because he really might have fit in a church camp summer school. If he had matured up a year or two. But he hung in there and graduated with the rest of us. I hope that all the bullshit he took there didn’t hurt him as bad as it looked like. He was far stronger than cruz. Also far better liked by his fellow humans.

  19. 19.

    opiejeanne

    Calling someone a pansy as an insult has struck me as odd since I started gardening many years ago. People who do that have never observed these plants. Pansies are tough little plants; they are so tough they will bloom under the snow and not die, and continue blooming after the snow melts. They are cheerful little flowers and they spit their seeds everywhere so that their “children” will carry on when their two years are up.  Nothing soft about them.

  21. 21.

    J R in WV

    Ted Lieu
    @tedlieu
    14h

    Dear @mtgreenee: Did Q tell you to say this?

    No American Member of Congress should ever endorse secession.

    Marjorie Taylor Greene
    @mtgreenee·
    May 23
    God bless them!

    Secession.

    The disconnected swamp would blow a gasket if they knew how many people are actually talking about this bc of how fast Biden is blowing it.

    The Dems have totally lost control of everything and everyone knows it.

    #AmericaFirst is the only way.

    Marjorie Taylor Green has confessed to supporting the insurrection of Jan 6th, and wants her red state to secede from the USA. Perhaps if Sherman had hung more leaders of the secession in the 1860s we wouldn’t still have racist slavers who want to  foment a second (or continuation of the first) secession.

    This woman should be taken into custody tomorrow morning, based upon her own words posted to her Twitter account, expelled from the House of Representatives, barred from ever running for a political office anywhere in the USA, based upon her openly expressed support for secession, and calling for the violent overthrow of our democracy.

    I’m pretty positive that it is illegal for any elected official to endorse secession or overthrow of our government. If it isn’t, it should be. What a miserable excuse for an elected official.

  23. 23.

    Freemark

    I only call Cruz ‘The Cancun Cuck’ when referring to him on social media anymore. I really want to get it to stick.

  24. 24.

    trnc

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): Not going to bat for Jena Powell here, but I personally thought the million dollar lottery jackpot was nuts. With only 5 chances to win out of potentially hundreds of thousands of “contestants,” the odds are probably too low for a lot of people. Some towns are having success offering beer that would cost $5. $1000 is a lot of money to most people and that would cover 5000 winners. I’d think those odds would be much more attractive to someone on the fence.

    At the very least, I think it would have been much smarter to start with a relatively low prize and wait until that’s run it’s course, then introduce a higher prize.

  25. 25.

    PST

    I honestly can’t believe you were ever a debate champion at Harvard.

    He wasn’t. He was a debate champion the way someone whose team wins the intramural tournament is a collegiate basketball champion. He did not participate in competitive policy debate, which is rigorous and difficult. He took part in dilettante stuff. Also he went to Princeton.

  26. 26.

    vigilhorn

    I think it’s time for Ted Cruz to pose topless on a horse to prove how tough he is.

  27. 27.

    SFAW

    @Ruckus:

    Also far better liked by his fellow humans.

    “Fellow humans” vis-a-vis Traitor Ted? Is that like when Buscemi says “fellow kids”?

  31. 31.

    Mike in NC

    After seeing those pictures of bloated Ted Crud at the airport in Cancun, can we just call him “Chubby Checker”?

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