Smelling salts sold separately1
So, remember when I wrote that I would continue to “haunt your dreams“? I meant it.
The distress that my presence causes some of you is far too delicious for me to stop posting here. Further, considering my posts garner such controversy, it would be downright cruel to deny my West Virginian Overlord the page clicks and ad revenue, now wouldn’t it? The man’s got pets to accidentally maim feed, you know.
As for my little shop in the black part of the Internet? I don’t have ads. So every time one of you perpetually exasperated cock wallets “accidentally” clicks on a link to my blog, know that you have done it for naught. I get nothing but the pleasure of knowing that, for a split second, your angsty little brain threatened to explode in your skull, and the experience was so harrowing, that you will feel compelled to either butthurtedly email Cole, or run over here and tell all your “bros” about it. High fives all around, boys!
That said, what’s going on, balloonbaggers? Have I missed anything?
Just kidding, I know a handful of you have been frantically racking your brain in search of new and improved insults to lob in my direction, and well-done, I say! 500 or so comments all about l’il ol’ me? It’s enough to make a girl blush!
::bats eyelashes::
So, here’s some exciting news: While you precious few (oh come now — you know who you are) were succeeding beyond my wildest imagination in acting like a giant bowl of stupid, I got tickets to Prince’s sold out show tomorrow night at the LA Forum. (It’s in Inglewood; there’s a lot of black people there. I know you didn’t ask, but one does want to be informative.)
So that’s what I’m doing. What are you guys up to?
Oh that’s right… I don’t give a shit.
1 Beware! This is not a hyperlink. I hope you didn’t click on it and realize with crushing annoyance that it wasn’t actually a hyperlink, despite having protested loudly that you really hate when things that aren’t hyperlinks masquerade as hyperlinks. OH, THE INJUSTICE! HOW DARE I?!