(Jeff Danziger’s website)
__
When EventheNewRepublic says “Mitt Romney’s Presidential Prospects May Not Be Salvageable“, and yet in terms of scaring off swing voters “Senator Santonarola Can’t Help Himself“, what’s the GOP to do? Fortunately (for horserace political reporters and satirists in all media), Charlie Pierce at Esquire perceives hints from a certain D-list celebrity:
Princess Dumbass Of The Northwoods… favored us with a President’s Day message on YouTube that has been interpreted as her ever-coy announcement that she’s willing to accept a draft at a brokered convention in Tampa, provided it comes with a car and a driver, and a clothing allowance, and 229 days paid vacation, and that she’ll be glad to accept just as soon as they pry the Republican National Committee (and Todd) out of the Mons Venus in time to start the convention….
Bonus only-in-America points: Lap dancers rated on Yelp!
What other cheerful happenstances are on the agenda, this evening?
Baud
Oh the GOP will find someone capable to run for president…just as soon as Bush finds WMDs in Iraq.
jl
Tunch is an authoritarian white male who has been showing signs of boredom lately. And Tunch worships the TunchForce, a wrathful and implacable deity indeed.
Tunch have any plans?
Let’s draft Tunch. Enough Republicans reading this blog to git er done?
Violet
I figured this had to be Michele Bachmann. Minnesota is the Northwoods, right? Palin would be Princess Dumbass of the Tundra or Arctic or Russian (door)steppe.
MikeJ
@jl: Tunch: why go for the lesser of two evils?
khead
Hoops game in the local old folks league (30+).
I just hope my team can stay awake.
Hungry Joe
I keep trying to conjure up a plausible scenario in which one of these mix & match pairs — Mitt, Rick, Newt, Sara, Mitch, Marco, Michele, Huck, and Jeb — gets the nomination. And with every combination my response is invariably “Yer kiddin’ me, right?”
But they’re going to have to nominate somebody. Maybe they can lure Bill the Cat from the Meadow Party.
MikeJ
Taegan Goddard says:
Gex
The problem remains that the base refuses to entertain the idea of an electable nominee. As long as that holds, they could have thousands of them lined up. It wouldn’t make a difference.
nellcote
Watching the streaming blues concert from the White House. Good stuff. Mick Jagger still brings it. Keb Mo has a grey beard. Now I really feel old.
geg6
I hope upon hope that whoever the nominee is, the GOP keeps imploding all the way to November and beyond. I keep stocking up on popcorn, but the stash keeps running out. I fantasize about Goldwater 2: Electric Bugaloo. I’m not sure that will happen but it’s my fondest wish.
That said, I saw Jonathan Alter on Tweety and, boy, he was mighty pissed at Franklin Graham. Just jaw clenchingly pissed. It was very real and genuine. I couldn’t really take that in in the moment. He’s a Villager, after all. But he and Tweety and the female MSNBC personality (don’t have a clue who she was) were all just pissed and made it very known how they felt. A rare moment of honesty in the media. Of course, Tweety said twenty stupid things right afterward, but that’s Tweety for ya!
Seebach
Remember George Allen? I’m so glad Jim Webb took him out. We may all owe him a great favor. Would he have been the kind of candidate who could win?
gnomedad
Pry them out of the what?
Raven
Four days in the bay area and a nightmare flight have me dazed and confused. . .but happy.
Calouste
They call me The Seeker
I’ve been searching low and high
I won’t get to get what I’m after
Till the day I die
Pete Townshend describing the 2012 Republican primaries 40 years in advance.
priscianusjr
Raven
@geg6: Alex Wagner, she’s good.
Glyph_2112
Hey, I read Balloon Juice daily. I had a thought and wanted to see if it was anything that could be of use.
When the pollsters look at different districts, they label them R+2 or L+1 to provide an idea on where the districts lie. How about an open thread to rate different figures out there in congress and the media.
Lets say a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being centrist and 10 being total wingnut or liberal crazy. Glen Beck R+10? Andrew Sullivan R+2? Paul Krugman L+5?
Is this something that could catch on or a totally stupid idea?
Anne Laurie
@gnomedad: @priscianusjr: Click the link, dudes. Apparently it’s something of a local landmark… thus the Yelp reviews. Wadda country, this country of ours. (If Mr. Pierce & I & several thousand other volunteer & professional satirists have anything to say about it, Tampa’s standing in the adult-entertainment industry rankings will continue to be mentioned in conjunction with the GOP’s nominating convention in August, because why not?)
jl
@Raven:
” Four days in the bay area ”
Uh oh, won’t look good, and a gold mine for oppo research.
Looks like Raven is out.
Ron
@Glyph_2112: Doesn’t really make sense. the rating R+5 just means that that district voted republican 5% more than the national numbers
Egg Berry
Well, I started a blog, to go along with my twitter thingy. click my name. I promise it’s not politics. But it’s still a little new.
Violet
So have any of the female Virginian legislators proposed a bill that says a woman doesn’t have to have the transvaginal ultrasound unless the fetus’s biological father has submitted to both a rectal and penile/urethral ultrasound?
I realize those tests are completely unnecessary, but so’s the uterus inspection. Seems only fair to me that until the man has submitted to an invasive and unnecessary medical procedure, the woman can do whatever the hell she wants with regard to the fetus.
The woman could name any man as father. Indeed, if she wasn’t sure who the father was she could name several men and they’d all have to submit to the testing before the woman was forced to undergo the transvag ultrasound. If the man/men won’t consent to the testing, the woman can do whatever the hell she wants with her own body.
Ultimately I’m against the whole uterus inspection, but this would be a “compromise”. Right guys?
Ron
BTW, I blame Cole in a way for the craziness going on. He had to tempt fate by proposing the idea of peak wingnut.
The Moar You Know
@jl: I lived there for 15 years. Best place in the world for a straight guy, all the good lookin’ dudes are nailing each other.
PeakVT
Pic of the day: John Glenn kicking back after a day at work. (Ok, it was yesterday, but it’s still pretty cool.)
Schlemizel
Since it appears that Ol Frothy let the full metal crazy out too soon & isn’t going to be the tackling dummy of choice for the GOP I found this to help cheer us all up
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/two-charts-that-terrify-republicans.php?ref=fpblg
freelancer
Mass Effect 3 demo out for Xbox live. Awesome!
nellcote
And The Prez sings again! A line from Sweet Home Chicago :)
MD Rackham
@Violet: The woman could name any man as father.
I’m not sure exactly who the father is, but it had to be one of those Republican legislators. Or maybe the governor.
Might as well test them all.
Davis X. Machina
@PeakVT: You can’t fool me. That’s Alton Brown in an astronaut suit.
cckids
@MikeJ:
Oh please oh please oh please make it so.
Jebediah
@Gex:
I think if they corralled somebody they thought was significantly more electable, they would ignore the primary voters. After all, they have already pulled some shenanigans – didn’t Santorum get more votes in a primary that was officially declared a Romney victory, with similar stuff being done in Maine? I think it might be even easier to do that if they get to their convention without a clear leader. I’m not particularly scared of Romney in a general election; his negatives are high. I’d be thrilled with Santorum in a general (by which I mean, the prospect of facing Frothy in the general fills me with TERROR!!)but I am not relaxing yet… I worry that they might find someone stronger, select him or her in Tampa, and tell the base to STFU and get in line. If that happens, the gaggle of Village idiots will fill the airwaves and columns 24/7 with paeans to his awesome greatness.
Then they can all nurse their sad butthurt when Pres. Obama buries their chump under a mountain of electoral votes.
Andrew Abshier
Mons Venus is one of a number of strip clubs on Dale Mabry Blvd., just south of where the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play. The owner, Joe Redner, has been an interesting political gadfly in the local political scene for many years, but has won most of his cases against the Tampa City Council.
It would almost be worth it to go to Mons Venus and see how many family-values R’s avail themselves of the young ladies’, um, services.
Spaghetti Lee
I think the elephant checking the toilet might be on to something.
Jebediah
@MikeJ:
Given that a Donald Trump ironclad guarantee means there is a 5% chance something will happen, I think Trump entering the race will not happen. I think he really does not want the financial scrutiny – he might be forced to admit that he is actually closer to being a thousandaire than a billionaire.
And whatever happened to the explosive, shocking information his “investigator” was discovering in Hawaii? As far as I can recall, he never shared the shocking discoveries. Obviously, it’s because it was BS from the start – but has any media figure followed up on that with Stinky?
WaterGirl
@Raven: Sounds like a great trip. Glad you are home safe and sound.
DanielX
@Jebediah:
Ummm…no. The Republican base is those very same primary voters, and they are not going to shut the fuck up and get in line. That’s what this entire death march of a primary season has been all about. The elephants shown in that cartoon figured back when that Mittens as their anointed butt – er, best boy wouldn’t have too much trouble. It rapidly became apparent that the base thought Mittens was shit on roller skates at best which is when Newticles came into the picture, to the complete horror of the RNC and associated pols. Then Santoronola (Torquemada?), to the complete horror of most women in the US. Mittens and Jon Huntsman appear to be the only two candidates with even a nodding acquaintance with reality; Huntsman is gone and Mitt is looking worse by the day.
The base is saying – very clearly – that they’d rather see the Republican presidential candidate go down in flames than settle for someone who they view as less than sufficiently conservative. Whatever the hell “conservative” means…in any case, they are not going to passively sit back and have some guy on a white horse ride out of a smoke filled room as the Republican savior*. They’ll stay home, vote for a protest candidate or whatever, but they’d rather lose with Santorum or (grudgingly) Romney or Newt than they would have their choice be taken from them in favor of some Republican corporate establishment type – you know, a realist. They may be crazy, but you can’t blame them – if I was a devout Tea Partier I’d be pissed too. That’s what this whole delicious spectacle has been about; the base has finally completely digested all the horseshit they’ve been fed for the last thirty years. They believe – really truly believe – that government revenue goes up if taxes are cut…etc etc etc.
I thought months ago that any candidate acceptable to the Republican base was unelectable in a general election (barring obvious massive voting violations), and I believe it even more strongly today.
*Besides, who would they pick? Mitch Daniels isn’t interested. Jeb Bush isn’t interested, and I don’t think think the country is ready for another Bush this soon, if ever. Sarah Palin? Umm…no. I mean, who’d want the candidacy under those conditions, barring maybe Joe Lieberman?
Mike in NC
@Seebach:
Yet there’s a distinct possibility that Macaca will be the next GOP senator from Virginia. The state where we lived for 20 years appears to be entering a new Dark Age.
Jebediah
@DanielX:
Well, I can’t think of anyone that would have much of a chance either, so I will go back to being somewhat relaxed. To win they need their base plus some percentage of “swing” voters, and given the committed looniness of their primary voters, I guess that is a bridge too far.
But I will wager that if it were Lieberman, Broder would exit his crypt just so he could publicly fap over it.
Ken
@Violet: There was an attempt similar to that, requiring IIRC a prostate exam before each refill of a prescription for – oops, almost went into moderation – for the men’s V and C pills. It got absolutely nowhere of course.
Redshift
@Mike in NC: We’ve got our work cut out for us in VA, that’s for sure, but I’m hoping the backlash against their insanity will help.
But as to the original point, George Allen is a serious dumbass. If he’d won reelection and gotten into the presidential race, he would have been competitive with Rick Perry.
Frankensteinbeck
@efgoldman:
Really wondering what will happen if it’s Santorum and he’s as revoltingly unpopular to the masses as we think he will be. He’s the most culturally conservative of the culturally conservative. There’s no farther fringe for them to dig up to represent themselves. If the Secret Service can get Obama to the re-inauguration alive, I think the Teatard movement will collapse in despair. Their chance to stop the object of their hate will be gone.
Jimbo316
I think it’s actually Mons Veneris.
DanielX
@Jebediah:
Publicly fap over it? He’d leap out of his coffin and skip from one end of Pennsylvania Avenue to the other, fapping the whole way.
Jebediah
@DanielX:
I know I started it, but eeewwwwww I have to go poke my eyes out now…
PaulW
Hey! After Busch Gardens, Clearwater Beach and the Dail Museum (Dali does not settle for proper spelling), Mons Venus is the only fun tourist trap Tampa Bay has left…
Paul in KY
@gnomedad: I think it’s a high-class tittie bar.