It is Wednesday, so you know what that means- another opportunity for Lanny Davis to make a contorted and stupid argument about delegates and humiliate himself before the general public. To save him some time, I have come up with a few arguments for him. Here are some arguments he should advance before the Rules Committee this weekend:
1. The Gender Gap apportion: As we know, Clinton often cites the statistic that women only earn 69-77% of what men. Due to the rampant sexism and misogyny of the media, the Rules Committee should level the playing field and punish Obama (hey- Hillary’s supporters are going to punish Obama in the fall for the media’s behavior, why can’t the DNC?). To level the playing field, Obama should only get 77% of the pledged delegates that he earned, the other 23% should be awarded to Hillary.
2. The Legacy Vote: States that Bill Clinton won in 1992 and 1996 and that Hillary won in 2008 shouldhave their delegates count twice. Why? Because they really, really, really like the Clintons. And after all, since we are no longer paying attention to delegates and are making all sorts of other stupid arguments about why Clinton should win, isn’t that as good a reason as anything?
3. A Michigan Plan: To solve the Michigan crisis, I propose we award Hillary all the delegates she “won” in the primary she said would not count, and then give her the majority of the delegates who voted against her in the primary she said would not count. That sounds fair. {Oops. My bad. Lanny actually already proposed this. -ed.}
4. Count all the votes!: All of them. Every vote for dogcatcher, judge, state Houses and Senates, and everything should count- against Obama. Because, let’s face it, if they were not voting for Obama, we might as well count it as a vote for Hillary.
5. Seat ALL the Delegates: Everybody keeps talking about seating the delegates from Florida and Michigan, but for some reason are missing the real elephant in the room- what about all the Republican delegates from the fifty states. As of right now, none of them are being seated at the DNC, and that is a damned outrage. Everyone knows there is no way we can win in the fall without Republican votes, so I don’t know why we want to risk alienating millions of Republican voters in all fifty states. Since Hillary is clearly more popular with conservatives, Fox News, and Republicans, and since the Republicans run winner-take-all primaries, all of the delegates should be seated for Senator Clinton.
I think Lanny should test drive some of these proposals, because, as you all know, if we can not unify the party behind Senator Clinton’s inevitable nomination, we may lose to McCain in the fall.