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You are here: Home / Bold Stands

Bold Stands

by John Cole|  April 15, 200812:02 pm| 39 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity

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The Pope:

“I would not speak at this moment about homosexuality, but pedophilia which is another thing. And we would absolutely exclude pedophiles from the sacred ministry.”

“Who is guilty of pedophilia cannot be a priest,” he added.

The Pope said church officials were going through the seminaries that train would-be priests to make sure that those candidates have no such tendencies. “We’ll do all that is possible to have a strong discernment, because it is more important to have good priests than to have many priests.”

In other news, John McCain promises we will not torture Americans.

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Reader Interactions

39Comments

  1. 1.

    4tehlulz

    April 15, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Sadly, among the Opus Dei crowd, separating homosexuality and pedophilia is considered radical.

  2. 2.

    Jay B.

    April 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    I hope he unveils the Church’s Pro-Puppy agenda next.

  3. 3.

    jake

    April 15, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    Hey there now Mr. Cole. Are you suggesting Pope EggsBenedict is simply mouthing pious platitudes in an attempt to ward off another round of very expensive lawsuits?

    All right then.

    I would not speak at this moment about homosexuality, but pedophilia which is another thing.

    Let the alarms ring out through wingnuttia! Summon the Counter Inspection Brigade! The head worshipper of the scarlet woman didn’t lump the kw33rs in with the baby rapists!1

    And I bet Bill Donohue is frantically insisting that Benny meant the homos are worse.

    Blurg. Maybe I’ll work from home this Thursday.

  4. 4.

    ThymeZone

    April 15, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    John McCain promises we will not torture Americans.

    We will not torture Americans … but foreigners, fuck them. We’ll cut their nuts off and shove them down their throats if we have to, to Save American Lives. Whether they are guilty of anything or not, that’s not important, what’s important is that we use Every Means At Our Disposal to terrorize them into talking.

    Am I missing anything? I think we should make sure that John McCain is seen as the Torture Candidate this fall. Clearly, he is the expert on the subject and we should make him the poster boy.

  5. 5.

    Tim F.

    April 15, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    What does McCain think should be the penalty for torturing an American citizen? This not an idle question.

  6. 6.

    Davebo

    April 15, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a 12 year old boy walks by.

    The Priest leans to the Rabbi and says “Do you wanna fuck him?”

    The Rabbi says “Out of what?”

  7. 7.

    Jen

    April 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    He’s also against the modernized GI Bill.

    The debates are going to be a bloodbath.

    A one-way bloodbath.

    A little like this video depicts.

    We grow ’em a little weird down here, but we’re smarter than PA, by golly.

  8. 8.

    Dave S.

    April 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    His Holiness’ next statement on this will include his appointment of Cardinal Law to head the relevant task force.

  9. 9.

    dbrown

    April 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    It would be nice if the Pope outlined in some detail what the church will do – after trying so hard to hid the problem, that is the least he could do considering his and the previous Pope’s attempt to hide criminal actions. But like bushwhack and bloodly-hands cheney the coward, head’s of state get a pass when it comes to criminal activities.

  10. 10.

    ThymeZone

    April 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a 12 year old boy walks by.

    The Priest leans to the Rabbi and says “Do you wanna fuck him?”

    The Rabbi says “Out of what?”

    Five footer!

  11. 11.

    Punchy

    April 15, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    His Holiness’ next statement on this will include his appointment of Cardinal Law to head the relevant task force.

    What the hell does Matt Leinart have to do with the pope?

  12. 12.

    TheFountainHead

    April 15, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    The guy is a Nazi, what do you want from him!!??

  13. 13.

    The Other Steve

    April 15, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Is it possible that persons who suffer from a sexual predilictions outside society’s norm are not drawn to the church? What I mean is, they themselves know that this is wrong, and they hope that by joining into the church they will rid themselves of these feelings. But the feelings are much stronger than they imagine, and there is no path by which they can get counseling. For to admit you want to fondle little boys would ostracize you as readily as actually commiting the act.

  14. 14.

    The Other Steve

    April 15, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Did you know George Bush is our first Catholic President?

    Kennedy vowed to not listen to the Pope. George is the first President to consider him a higher authority.

  15. 15.

    DougJ

    April 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Not a huge fan of this pope but he came down hard on Legion of Christ for allegations of sexual abuse by its founder (who was also a Francist nut, but that part was okay, I guess).

  16. 16.

    Zifnab

    April 15, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    What does McCain think should be the penalty for torturing an American citizen? This not an idle question.

    A shame. It’ll get an idle answer.

  17. 17.

    jake

    April 15, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    Is it possible that persons who suffer from a sexual predilictions outside society’s norm are not drawn to the church? What I mean is, they themselves know that this is wrong, and they hope that by joining into the church they will rid themselves of these feelings. But the feelings are much stronger than they imagine, and there is no path by which they can get counseling. For to admit you want to fondle little boys would ostracize you as readily as actually commiting the act.

    I’ve heard this argument before but I don’t know if anyone has ever done a study of pedophiles who have taken orders v. those who have not. I rather doubt it.

    But I don’t know what you mean by there’s no way for a priest to get counseling. You’re supposed to scurry along to confession if you have a strong urge to committ a sin and in theory the guy on the other side of the screen will help you wrestle with your demons. The same goes for ostracism. The Church is being sued all over because they didn’t kick these guys out and (preferably) hand them over to the cops. Instead they told the victims to StFu and moved the perp. to a new gig. We call that aiding and abetting. Ostracism it ain’t.

    I think it’s better say that the Church’s continued delusion that it can do no wrong makes it attractive to egomanics who think they can do no wrong.

  18. 18.

    Dennis - SGMM

    April 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    Is it possible that persons who suffer from a sexual predilictions outside society’s norm are not drawn to the church?

    FWIW, back in my Navy days in the late Sixties, a friend approached and after swearing me to secrecy told me that he was gay. When I asked him what in the hell made him join the Navy he said that he hoped that it would make him more hetero. Shit. At the time, the Navy was so uptight that it would give you a Bad Conduct Discharge if you came in and confessed your gayness – even if you’d never performed any homosexual acts while in the service. I told him to start pretending to pass out on the job. After a lot of testing they released him on a Medical.

  19. 19.

    g-rant

    April 15, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    re: Pope “Eggs” Benedict

    Conan O’Brien ca. 2005:

    Conan: Pope Benedict will create a new egg receipe he calls, “Eggs Benedict.” When he is informed that the name “Eggs Benedict” already exists, he will change his name to Pope Huevos Rancheros.
    LaBamba: In the year 2000!

  20. 20.

    jake

    April 15, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    When I asked him what in the hell made him join the Navy he said that he hoped that it would make him more hetero.

    That is so sad for so many reasons. But it’s nice he trusted you.

    /Kumbaya moment.

  21. 21.

    cbear

    April 15, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    …back in my Navy days in the late Sixties, a friend approached and after swearing me to secrecy told me that he was gay. When I asked him what in the hell made him join the Navy he said that he hoped that it would make him more hetero.

    That’s funny, I never knew Ted Nugent was gay.
    Now I wonder what he actually does with all those farm-raised “wild” animals he hunts?

  22. 22.

    cbear

    April 15, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    and the bear said, “You’re not really here to hunt, are you mister?”

  23. 23.

    Dennis - SGMM

    April 15, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    That is so sad for so many reasons. But it’s nice he trusted you.

    I loved the Navy. I was born and raised in it. That my service would throw away a perfectly good sailor, no matter what, because of his sexual preferences was one of the several reasons that I left at the end of my then-current enlistment.

  24. 24.

    ed

    April 15, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    So, the New Rule is no pedophiles can be priests. Excellent news! Any word about murderers? Can murderers be priests?

  25. 25.

    Zifnab

    April 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    So, the New Rule is no pedophiles can be priests. Excellent news! Any word about murderers? Can murderers be priests?

    Judge not lest ye be labeled and Activist Judge.

  26. 26.

    Dennis - SGMM

    April 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    Any word about murderers? Can murderers be priests?

    Only if they recant and say twenty-five “Hail Mary’s.”

  27. 27.

    Michael D.

    April 15, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    I would have titled this post:

    “The Audacity of Pope”

  28. 28.

    jake

    April 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    It’s not so funny because it’s true. Sadly, No! is on the case:

    It orders that ‘preliminary investigations’ into any claims of abuse should be sent to Ratzinger’s office, which has the option of referring them back to private tribunals in which the ‘functions of judge, promoter of justice, notary and legal representative can validly be performed for these cases only by priests’.

    ‘Cases of this kind are subject to the pontifical secret,’ Ratzinger’s letter concludes. Breaching the pontifical secret at any time while the 10-year jurisdiction order is operating carries penalties, including the threat of excommunication.

  29. 29.

    Brachiator

    April 15, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    “I would not speak at this moment about homosexuality, but pedophilia which is another thing. And we would absolutely exclude pedophiles from the sacred ministry.”

    “Who is guilty of pedophilia cannot be a priest,” he added.

    The Pope said church officials were going through the seminaries that train would-be priests to make sure that those candidates have no such tendencies. “We’ll do all that is possible to have a strong discernment, because it is more important to have good priests than to have many priests.”

    The Pope is dissembling with all the skills of a master rhetorician. Pedophilia is a crime. He is soft-peddling to get around the reasonable demand that offending priests — and those who protected them be prosecuted. Those who continue to stonewall, like Los Angeles Cardinal Mahoney, should be charged with obstruction of justice, and should be forced by papal authorities to co-operate with law enforcement.

    Instead, he is sticking to the policy that priests who offend are above the law and can only be dealt with by the Church, not by any secular authority.

    I tire of this bullshit, and all of the petty philosophizing over the nature of pedophilia or the tendencies of some who become priests. If it were an ordinary joe who was diddling little boys or girls, would there be as much discussion about counselling as a cure?

  30. 30.

    John Cole

    April 15, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    If it were an ordinary joe who was diddling little boys or girls, would there be as much discussion about counselling as a cure?

    Or, say cultists on a ranch in Texas?

  31. 31.

    Krista

    April 15, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    “I would not speak at this moment about homosexuality, but pedophilia which is another thing.

    Yeah, that’d be giving some people absolute fits, wouldn’t it.

  32. 32.

    Dennis - SGMM

    April 15, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Someone had to do it:
    One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor if he would cover his Confession shift for him — he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. The janitor agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

    “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery.”

    “Adultery, eh?” the janitor said. “You sly devil. That’ll be three Hail Mary’s, plus five bucks.”

    “Thank you, Father.”

    Another person came into the booth. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work.”

    “Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That’ll be 5 Hail Mary’s, plus fourteen bucks.””Thank you, Father.” This was easy, the janitor thought. Another person came into the booth.

    “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of oral sex.””Oral sex, huh?” He looked at the list, but didn’t see oral sex there. So, he excused himself to look for help. He found an alter boy hanging out on the steps of the church.

    “Excuse me,” the janitor said. “What does Father Matthew give for oral sex?”

    “Well,” said the boy, “usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers.”

  33. 33.

    cleek

    April 15, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    Or, say cultists on a ranch in Texas?

    it’s Waco 2008 !

    and this time, they’re dressed like extras from Little House On The Prairie!

  34. 34.

    r€nato

    April 15, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    In other news, John McCain promises we will not torture Americans.

    John McCain would never countenance the torturing of Americans.

    First they will be summarily stripped of their citizenship, right before they are waterboarded.

  35. 35.

    r€nato

    April 15, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    The Pope said church officials were going through the seminaries that train would-be priests to make sure that those candidates have no such tendencies.

    How on earth do they do that, short of hooking them up to a penile plethysmograph and showing them pics of nude children?

    I can imagine the screening goes something like this:

    “The Catholic Church will not tolerate pedophilia under any circumstances whatsoever! Now, those of you who are pedophiles, raise your hands.”

    …

    “Nobody, eh? Alrighty then…”

  36. 36.

    bernarda

    April 16, 2008 at 3:56 am

    What is the Pope Benedickhead’s response to priests raping nuns and young girls, particularly in Africa?

    http://www.natcath.com/NCR_Online/archives/031601/031601a.htm

    http://www.priestsofdarkness.com/nuns.html

  37. 37.

    bernarda

    April 16, 2008 at 4:02 am

    More on the priests raping nuns stories.

    http://www.feminist.org/news/newsbyte/uswirestory.asp?id=5369

  38. 38.

    Tim C

    April 16, 2008 at 8:14 am

    So, what is the plan for identifying pedophiles in the seminaries? Parades of naked alter boys and see who jumps in first?

  39. 39.

    r€nato

    April 16, 2008 at 10:56 am

    So, what is the plan for identifying pedophiles in the seminaries? Parades of naked alter boys and see who jumps in first?

    I think that’s what they call, “Friday”.

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